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320 pages, Paperback
First published August 2, 2014
"Life meets death..."

"...The end meets the beginning."



"East Summit High sort of wilted after Sophia died."
"I shivered looking at him. He wasn’t putting on the lifeless, emotionless act anymore. He just was lifeless. He was empty. The spark had been sucked out of his eyes, leaving pale shells behind. His entire body, his entire physical presence seemed like a shell – an illusion made of mirrors and brittle frost that would shatter at the slightest touch. He was chilling to look at; like something that shouldn’t still be living, or still moving. A mannequin. A zombie puppet."
“It’s over,” he said, too calmly.
“What is?” I asked, my stomach roiling. He pushed off the wall and walked away with one last word.
“Everything.”

"And, like the bomb she is, just seeing Isis again blew cracks in that dam, and she’s going to see me through the cracks, the real me, she’s going to see me like no one else has, like I’m pretending not to be, broken and dead inside and I have to leave, have to compose myself, but she doesn’t let me pull away, wrapping her arms tight around my waist and keeping me pressed against her, against her warmth and smell and her understanding silence."

"She is here, she is within reach. She is real and corporeal and angry with me. Maybe she’s never not been angry with me, and that’s why it feels right. We have always been at odds. We have always clashed. After months of feeling wrong, this - staring down my hellion (mine? No, I threw the chance to call her mine away.) – is the only thing that has felt right. The planets are in place, the last clockgear snaps into motion, and the world begins to turn again, as is proper and right."
"Everything happens all the time forever, and this would be a terrifying concept if I wasn’t so enlightened and in-tune with the natural forces of the universe, which include but aren’t limited to; A. taco salad, B. taco salad, and C. my own glorious ass (glorioass). Which increases in size directly proportionately to how much taco salad is in the area. Science has come so far."
"All I can do is hope, and move on. I can’t wait around. I have my own life to live. I just wish things had turned out differently, is all. Not like, us dating. Because that would be horribly, stupidly selfish slash impossible in the face of Sophia’s death."
"It’s either a testament to her infuriatingly persistent personality, or a testament to my unwillingness to let go of the last few moments in my life I recall being truly happy. Happy? I’m unsure if I was ever happy, even with her. It’s a mishmash of fuzzy memories and stolen moments of tenderness, all laced with the searing edge of guilt that is Sophia’s face.
Maybe I was happy. But it’s pointless. There’s no real value in being happy.
There’s no real value in something that doesn’t last."
"It’s hard, I get it. After everything that’s happened…I don’t know what it’s like, but it’s gotta be hard. And I’m sorry. But he really likes you, Isis. And you really like him. And you guys are like, really interesting together and you light each other up in a weird, symbiotic way. And life is short. Sophia taught us that. And I think you deserve a shot at each other before you write each other off completely out of misguided martyrdom."
“You’re distracting him. You’re a goddamn distraction he doesn’t need right now."
“You were a fat, fucking ugly bitch! You were lucky I even let you hang around! You were so fucking lucky I even wanted to touch your fat, stinking carcass! No one else did. No one else does. Not even that fucking pretty boy. He’s just fucking you because he pities you. He sees how pathetic and ugly you are, and he’s taking pity on your piggy ass!”

"If I open my mouth, the darkest spear of secrets would pierce her through.
I love you."

"I want you. I want you as more than a friend. I want you in my arms, in my bed, where you’ll be safe and ecstatic and all mine. I want to show you how good a kiss can be. I want to show you life isn’t always suffering – it’s pleasure, too. My brain screams it, but my mouth never moves, condemning me to silence. I have to be stone. The slightest crack, and I’ll spill my every secret at her feet – that I crave her like a parched plant craves the rain. That the only time I feel alive – honestly, radiantly alive - is when I see her purple streaks, the outline of her shoulders, her smile."

"I love you...I’m sorry. I’m sorry for saying it, but I love you. And you don’t have to...you don’t have to do anything, or say anything, I mean, I could just drive you home right after this if you never want to talk to me again, I’d understand, because girls saying I love you is something you get a lot and you hate it, I bet, but I realized a lot of things lately and the biggest thing is that I probably love you, I’m not sure, but I think so, and it’s not very romantic or confident to not be sure, but I barely even know what love is, I just sort of learned a bit of the definition, but I know that what I feel for you fits that tiny bit, and I want to learn more, and I think you would help me learn, but also I just love you, no weird creepy learning involved, I just love you, you stupid idiot..."



It’s a fun and unique experience. There’s a lot of sand. I trip on a rock and stub my toe so hard I possibly now have weird deformed hobbit feet. I feel like vomiting. A seagull almost shits on my arm.
“It’s okay, buddy!” I shade my eyes and look up at the sky. “Luckily for you, I am both stunningly good-looking and benevolent. I forgive you!”
They’ll define the rest of my career slash life slash future prospects with Johnny Depp. I have to start taking things mildly seriously, now! Ugh! Just the word sends shivers down my spine. Serious. Seeeerious. Cereal-ous. Trix are for kids. College is not for kids. College is for grown-ups.
I don’t feel like a grown-up.




















“Living is really weird. You never get used to it. But it happens anyway. And sometimes you find things that make it a little more comfortable, and you try to hold on to those things, and the tighter you hold, the faster they slip away.”
“But what kind of barbed love could I offer her? I’m broken, shattered like a mirror of lies. She would try to pick up my pieces and only cut her delicate fingers on them. Any love I could give her would hurt her more, when all I want to do is heal her. I want to build her back up, not tear her down with me.”
“Listen to me carefully, sweet girl. Don’t live any other way than the way that makes you happy. If you aren’t happy, leave your lover. If you aren’t happy, quit the job. If you aren’t happy, do more to make yourself happy. Because you are the only one who can make yourself happy.”
“Hiding is for babies. And ninjas.”
“What about your funeral, eh?” She asks. “You mean the one that is never going to happen ever because I am going to gather the seven Dragonballs and wish for eternal life?” She laughs. “Yeah, that one. What’d you want for it?” I muse it over for all of six and a half seconds. “Makeouts. Naked dancing. Maybe a cake.”
“But this boy. This stupid, wonderful boy just might be worth it.”
























