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For All Eternity: A four talk set to strengthen your marriage
Includes five CDs: Owning Our Words and Behavior; Learning the Love Language of Others; Conflict Resolution Skills; and Apologies and Forgiveness.
Popular speaker, author, and marriage and family mediator Dr. John L. Lund shares his wealth of knowledge, insight, and humor on the all-important topic of improving communication and strengthening marriage relationships. This book will make you laugh as you and your spouse see yourselves in Dr. Lund's descriptions of the differences between men and women and how we communicate. You will be enlightened as you take his Love Language Quiz and find out how to speak your spouse's love language. You will learn how to use active and reflective listening skills to resolve conflict in your relationships. Finally, you will understand the art of giving an apology and accepting responsibility. All of these tools and more, combined with Dr. Lund's trademark humor and stories, will make this volume an important resource in strengthening your marriage and helping it last for all eternity.
Popular speaker, author, and marriage and family mediator Dr. John L. Lund shares his wealth of knowledge, insight, and humor on the all-important topic of improving communication and strengthening marriage relationships. This book will make you laugh as you and your spouse see yourselves in Dr. Lund's descriptions of the differences between men and women and how we communicate. You will be enlightened as you take his Love Language Quiz and find out how to speak your spouse's love language. You will learn how to use active and reflective listening skills to resolve conflict in your relationships. Finally, you will understand the art of giving an apology and accepting responsibility. All of these tools and more, combined with Dr. Lund's trademark humor and stories, will make this volume an important resource in strengthening your marriage and helping it last for all eternity.
Audio CD
First published June 28, 2003
59 people are currently reading
402 people want to read
About the author
John Lewis Lund
23 books23 followersDr John L. Lund is a great writer and his CD's on human interaction are fun, informative, and entertaining. He has taught in major universities in Utah, Idaho, and California, hosts trips to Israel and Mesoamerica and is a fantastic archeologist too. Check out his books in both fields and you will find a great writer to follow here on Goodreads.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
October 19, 2016
Excellent book on better communication. Honestly, every newlywed couple should have a copy. Teaches you to how to handle situations, resolve conflict properly, and to never hold on to resentment. These tools will help you not only in your marriage, but with your children and work.
May 9, 2014
This is such a wonderful book! And it's not just for married couples. The improvements this will make to your communication will help with all types of relationships, including friends, relatives, siblings, parents, spouses, EVERYONE!! Dr. Lund has many stories that help illustrate the concepts he's trying to teach the reader. Some of the stories are hilarious and pretty outlandish, and some will move you tears. I love that Dr. Lund references talks an stories from LDS church leaders, the scriptures and his own views about the Atonement. I highly recommend this book!
January 16, 2009
This is different than it implies on the title. The author talks more about communication, conflict resolution, and forgiving. It applies to more relationships than just marriage and is full of amazing realities to human behavior. I can listen to it again and again, and what's so funny is Jeff bought it when he had to go on a road trip by himself and needed something to pass the time. He loved it even more than me. Good stuff.
January 2, 2015
Another highly recommended read. I have read this over 20 times and I refer to it regularly.
July 3, 2023
I cannot give Dr. Lund enough stars, but the audio version of this book is exponentially better, as it was given as a (slightly interactive) speech, and the book is simply a transcription of that. That being said, my husband and I bought the book in order to save thoughts and quickly refer to them when needed. We enjoy listening to this audio every couple years or so on long car rides, as Dr. Lund has a knack for bringing humor and compassionate vocabulary into issues that can have high emotional charge. We use his counsel in our marriage and parenting with deeply meaningful results. We are thankful for his insight! Some notes we've saved because of heavy use... ;)
GUIDE TO GIVING APPROPRIATE CRITICISM
CONVERSATION BASICS
Women:
Let go of the expectation that men want to hear all the details you have to share
Before you engage a male in conversation, ask yourself, “What do I want this conversation to accomplish? Am I looking for solutions or for understanding or do I just want to vent my frustrations?”
Men are inherently defensive, and how you approach them will determine whether they are defensive or cooperative
Men:
When you are not sure what your wife or daughter wants from you, be willing to say, “I’m not sure what you want from me. I don’t know if you want understanding or solutions or if you just want to talk.
Work on not interrupting
Give your wife or daughter a gift of love by just listening to them. Do not be impatient.
GIVING CRITICISM
STEP ONE
Before you speak, ask yourself 2 questions:
Is the criticism a part of my stewardship or business?
Is the criticism not only true, but is it also necessary?
If the answer to either of the foregoing questions is no, then do not proceed.
STEP TWO
Ask for and receive permission to criticize.
Be alone with the one being criticized at a mutually agreeable time and place.
Be in emotional control and logically explain your concerns. No yelling, crying, swearing, threats, or physical or emotional intimidation.
Stay focused on the issue or behavior in question. Do not attack self worth! Separate the issue from ego. Protect self worth.
STEP THREE
Affirm the worth of the one being criticized!
RECEIVING CRITICISM
STEP ONE
STOP! Immediately remove your ego from the issue or behavior being criticized.
LOOK at the person
LISTEN. Do not defend, make an excuse, or apologize. Don’t speak. Listen!
STEP TWO
Write the criticism down where you can evaluate it.
STEP THREE
Feed it back without emotion.
STEP FOUR
Excuse yourself from immediate response and set a time and place to respond
STEP FIVE
Evaluate the criticism
STEP SIX
Respond at the appointed time and place
I will change.
I disagree and this is why…
I need more specific information before I can make an intelligent evaluation.
I will not change because I am unwilling or unable to.
Skills of negotiation if you cannot immediately agree (BINGO)
B: Be in emotional control.
I: Identify one issue.
N: Negotiate.
G: Generate a solution.
O: Obligate yourself to have a good attitude.
How I would like to receive criticism:
How my spouse would like to receive criticism:
GUIDE TO GIVING APPROPRIATE CRITICISM
CONVERSATION BASICS
Women:
Let go of the expectation that men want to hear all the details you have to share
Before you engage a male in conversation, ask yourself, “What do I want this conversation to accomplish? Am I looking for solutions or for understanding or do I just want to vent my frustrations?”
Men are inherently defensive, and how you approach them will determine whether they are defensive or cooperative
Men:
When you are not sure what your wife or daughter wants from you, be willing to say, “I’m not sure what you want from me. I don’t know if you want understanding or solutions or if you just want to talk.
Work on not interrupting
Give your wife or daughter a gift of love by just listening to them. Do not be impatient.
GIVING CRITICISM
STEP ONE
Before you speak, ask yourself 2 questions:
Is the criticism a part of my stewardship or business?
Is the criticism not only true, but is it also necessary?
If the answer to either of the foregoing questions is no, then do not proceed.
STEP TWO
Ask for and receive permission to criticize.
Be alone with the one being criticized at a mutually agreeable time and place.
Be in emotional control and logically explain your concerns. No yelling, crying, swearing, threats, or physical or emotional intimidation.
Stay focused on the issue or behavior in question. Do not attack self worth! Separate the issue from ego. Protect self worth.
STEP THREE
Affirm the worth of the one being criticized!
RECEIVING CRITICISM
STEP ONE
STOP! Immediately remove your ego from the issue or behavior being criticized.
LOOK at the person
LISTEN. Do not defend, make an excuse, or apologize. Don’t speak. Listen!
STEP TWO
Write the criticism down where you can evaluate it.
STEP THREE
Feed it back without emotion.
STEP FOUR
Excuse yourself from immediate response and set a time and place to respond
STEP FIVE
Evaluate the criticism
STEP SIX
Respond at the appointed time and place
I will change.
I disagree and this is why…
I need more specific information before I can make an intelligent evaluation.
I will not change because I am unwilling or unable to.
Skills of negotiation if you cannot immediately agree (BINGO)
B: Be in emotional control.
I: Identify one issue.
N: Negotiate.
G: Generate a solution.
O: Obligate yourself to have a good attitude.
How I would like to receive criticism:
How my spouse would like to receive criticism:
September 15, 2017
This lecture series was recommended to me by a mentor at work. It was transformational in my relationship with one of my kids. Though the speaker is focusing on marital relationships, the concepts can easily be applied to any relationship, any communication scenario.
He's speaking to an LDS audience, and his reliance on scripture and the words of prophets increases as the lecture series progresses. I perceived it as a desire to preempt attempts by members to justify resentment, anger, etc by using scriptural passages, but people who are resistant to LDS language or culture might have a hard time looking through those elements to the core concepts he's supporting.
Core concepts:
Be a content communicator: don't hint about what you want and get offended when someone doesn't read the hint accurately. It doesn't mean that they don't care; it means they don't speak hints in the same way. Don't say yes when you mean no, and if you want someone to help in the kitchen (Rachel), say so; don't wait for someone to volunteer and become offended if they don't.
Own your expectations: told my husband I want flowers for my birthday. I'll remind him again the week of. He can choose whatever he likes, but I'd like him to buy and bring me flowers. And now he knows. I told my daughter I wanted to connect with her and had no idea how; she taught me how she wants to receive criticism and has made more of an effort to reach out to me.
Learn your love language and that of your person: We all understand and express love in different ways. We all want affection, acceptance, and appreciation. Knowing how your spouse or child or friend needs to receive it, as well as how they express it (and vice versa) can save a lot of pain.
Giving and accepting criticism: As adults, we need to be able to communicate with one another as equals. We know how to be kids (may I, can I) and we know how to be parents (you need, you must, you ought), but neither of these is appropriate in a relationship of equals. There, it needs to be "It would mean a lot to me, I would appreciate it if. . . " Criticism needs to be given without anger or tears, and is only offered when the spouse is willing to hear it. ("Honey, I have a criticism/though/concern. May I share it? Is now a good time?")
Conflict resolution: I don't remember a lot from this one, just that it needs to be approached mutually, with love, without emotion, focus on a single issue, and be open to negotiation. It can't be "my way or no way."
Forgiveness: Sooner or later, despite the best intentions of the best of us, we're going to suffer hurt, heartache and sorrow. Forgiveness is the path to peace and healing. He has several tips on forgiveness exercises, leaving judgement to God, and handling toxic personalities (those people who will be critical, who can never be pleased, no matter how carefully we try to meet their expectations).
I found this insightful and brilliant. It will be my wedding gift to all friends and family going forward. I will also revisit this work annually, or more frequently if needed. My family, friends, church community, and work are too important to neglect these important concepts.
He's speaking to an LDS audience, and his reliance on scripture and the words of prophets increases as the lecture series progresses. I perceived it as a desire to preempt attempts by members to justify resentment, anger, etc by using scriptural passages, but people who are resistant to LDS language or culture might have a hard time looking through those elements to the core concepts he's supporting.
Core concepts:
Be a content communicator: don't hint about what you want and get offended when someone doesn't read the hint accurately. It doesn't mean that they don't care; it means they don't speak hints in the same way. Don't say yes when you mean no, and if you want someone to help in the kitchen (Rachel), say so; don't wait for someone to volunteer and become offended if they don't.
Own your expectations: told my husband I want flowers for my birthday. I'll remind him again the week of. He can choose whatever he likes, but I'd like him to buy and bring me flowers. And now he knows. I told my daughter I wanted to connect with her and had no idea how; she taught me how she wants to receive criticism and has made more of an effort to reach out to me.
Learn your love language and that of your person: We all understand and express love in different ways. We all want affection, acceptance, and appreciation. Knowing how your spouse or child or friend needs to receive it, as well as how they express it (and vice versa) can save a lot of pain.
Giving and accepting criticism: As adults, we need to be able to communicate with one another as equals. We know how to be kids (may I, can I) and we know how to be parents (you need, you must, you ought), but neither of these is appropriate in a relationship of equals. There, it needs to be "It would mean a lot to me, I would appreciate it if. . . " Criticism needs to be given without anger or tears, and is only offered when the spouse is willing to hear it. ("Honey, I have a criticism/though/concern. May I share it? Is now a good time?")
Conflict resolution: I don't remember a lot from this one, just that it needs to be approached mutually, with love, without emotion, focus on a single issue, and be open to negotiation. It can't be "my way or no way."
Forgiveness: Sooner or later, despite the best intentions of the best of us, we're going to suffer hurt, heartache and sorrow. Forgiveness is the path to peace and healing. He has several tips on forgiveness exercises, leaving judgement to God, and handling toxic personalities (those people who will be critical, who can never be pleased, no matter how carefully we try to meet their expectations).
I found this insightful and brilliant. It will be my wedding gift to all friends and family going forward. I will also revisit this work annually, or more frequently if needed. My family, friends, church community, and work are too important to neglect these important concepts.
August 24, 2017
Abby and David Chipman gave us these CDs as a wedding present and I am so glad that they did. It was so helpful to listen to the talks and to practice some of the exercises. I think the most important thing I learned was that it is important to be proactive about strengthening your marriage vs. waiting for problems. It's not when your house is on fire that you need to buy fire alarms for example. Casey and I will most likely listen to this in future years as well as read and listen to other materials like this. I don't think you have to be married to listen to these, because some of the lessons are just about interacting better with people as a whole. We listened to these CDs and still constantly refer to them because they were so great. Even though the lectures were good, really talking about them afterwards was the best, because each marriage is different and we had to figure out how to apply what we learned, and how we preferred to apply it.
Here are some other takeaways I want to remember (very summarized)
1. Women tend to multi-task in their communications, thinking and talking at the same time, whereas men, usually do one at a time. Sometimes women expect a quick answer from a man after telling him information, but need to realize that even if he switches gears quickly, he might need a little more time to think about his response before saying it out loud.
2. When women hear information they tend to internalize it. If your spouse says he likes a red dress, you might start thinking he wants you to wear one or that he is implying something further than just his simple comment. Conversely, a woman might say something and expect a man to infer what she wants him to know in the way she would. A woman migh say, the grass sure is long and then expect the man to know she means, go cut the grass. The man might just think, you are right, the grass is very long. He will not automatically assume the comment is related to him.
There are a lot of other good takeaways, but you will just need to listen or read these lectures :0)
Here are some other takeaways I want to remember (very summarized)
1. Women tend to multi-task in their communications, thinking and talking at the same time, whereas men, usually do one at a time. Sometimes women expect a quick answer from a man after telling him information, but need to realize that even if he switches gears quickly, he might need a little more time to think about his response before saying it out loud.
2. When women hear information they tend to internalize it. If your spouse says he likes a red dress, you might start thinking he wants you to wear one or that he is implying something further than just his simple comment. Conversely, a woman might say something and expect a man to infer what she wants him to know in the way she would. A woman migh say, the grass sure is long and then expect the man to know she means, go cut the grass. The man might just think, you are right, the grass is very long. He will not automatically assume the comment is related to him.
There are a lot of other good takeaways, but you will just need to listen or read these lectures :0)
November 9, 2017
"All frustration [or anger] comes from unmet expectations. There is no such thing as someone who is frustrated who didn't have an expectation." If you want an excellent book on all relationships . . . friends, relatives, spouses, siblings, coworkers . . . this book is a must. It covers communication styles, love languages, apologies and forgiveness, expectations, criticism, conflict resolution. It also comes written as a book; however, I actually love the audio because Dr. Lund is quite humorous. I've now listened to it at least 3 or 4 times in the past decade but decided this last go-around that it should become a yearly tradition, to remind me of what I can improve on in my own personal relationships.
April 7, 2021
This is an amazing book! Dr. Lund will not bore or disappoint! It is not just for married people and not just for people of the LDS faith. Everyone can benefit from reading his wonderful insights on communication, understanding and tolerance. I believe there is no one who will read this book and not come out better for it and be appreciative for his insights. I wish desperately that I had the information sooner in my life. It has helped me with every personal relationship that I have in my life and to understand exactly what I should and should not do to better my relationships. You will also have fun throughout the book. If you love this book make sure and read “How to Hug a Teenage Porcupine” when you finish!
October 4, 2017
I truly loved this book (audio). It's not JUST for newlyweds. I've been married almost 9 years and Lund's guidance has helped and inspired me. This is great counsel for any relationship, but especially marriage. It gave me not only an idea of my and my husband's love languages, communication skills, etc, but also helpful way to implement them, while keeping the discussion light, humorous and realistic. The message on forgiveness really rang true with me, and stands out in my mind. I loved that he implemented how the Savior plays an crucial part and how I can rely on Him to help me forgive not just others but myself.
Highly recommend this to Everyone!!!
Highly recommend this to Everyone!!!
February 9, 2009
My husband and I listened to these CDs independently and then talked about them whenever we had some time together. They are insightful and they are also hilarious. I laughed out loud quite a few times. Dr. Lund has a way of hitting the mark when it comes to relationships. There are practical tips for how to change yourself and your relationship for the better. These CDs were really helpful. We both learned a lot about communication and how to better meet one another's needs. I definitely recommend them to all our married friends.
September 10, 2009
I actually listened to this book on tape, so if any of you want to borrow it you are more than welcome to it. I loved this book! It is written for married people and I am not a married people but, it has really great advice about all relationships we have in our lives. The way the author playfully describes the situations we have all encountered in our lives makes you want to keep reading or listening to more. The last part of the book had me in tears. I recommend this book to everyone..everyone can benefit from it's contents.
October 28, 2009
Wow! Great ideas of how to make your marriage better. I found myself feeling sorry for my husband having to put up with me for all these years! I found tons of things that I need to work on & make me a better person, better wife, better mother, better grandmother...just make me better. Found the lost language quiz good, but knew who my husband was totally. Very few answer surprised me, but likewise he felt the same. But I've found that since taking it, we are both more aware & working at speaking to each other with our preferred language. Really good insights.
November 3, 2009
My father in law gave me and my husband copies of this and we both have enjoyed this. I never thought I could listen to books on CD because of how much I love my radio and music, but listening to this has really changed my mind.
This talk is a good reminder on how to really improve communication in your marriage and how to improve communication in your life. I plan on listening to it one more time to pick up on anything that I missed the first time around. I listened for 15- 20 minutes a day (whenever I was driving to work) for 5 days and finished it in 2 weeks.
This talk is a good reminder on how to really improve communication in your marriage and how to improve communication in your life. I plan on listening to it one more time to pick up on anything that I missed the first time around. I listened for 15- 20 minutes a day (whenever I was driving to work) for 5 days and finished it in 2 weeks.
June 25, 2011
I really liked the practical things he says about the knowledge and skills related to quality relationships (lack of willingness will always trump lack of knowledge or skill but that's outside of his influence--ya gotta wanna). I'm going to teach my family content communication (and thereafter when my daughter screams that she's not eating anything for dinner she will be taken at her word and invited to go brush teeth and put her pjs on). Loved the talk about forgiveness. Such powerful real-life examples...I'm going to give this as wedding gifts from now on.
January 22, 2016
I would give this 4.5 stars. I loved Dr. Lund's ideas on content communication, love languages, B.I.N.G.O, setting limits and sticking to those limits and burying "the hatchet" by writing letters yourself and others that you need to forgive. Dr.Lund used humor and great stories that helped make his techniques more relatable and personable. I think this book is a great one to have in your home. Especially if you want to have a stronger relationship with your spouse or anyone that's important to you.
March 2, 2014
This was an excellent read. The concepts Dr. Lund discusses are the basics of communication everyone should have learned in high school. He is a fantastic speaker, you don't realize the pearls of wisdom you are absorbing.
Note: the final CD includes more LDS doctrine (scripture references) than the other CDs. It is about forgiveness and was truly inciteful for me. Don't let the religious overtones scare you away. They are basic human principles.
Note: the final CD includes more LDS doctrine (scripture references) than the other CDs. It is about forgiveness and was truly inciteful for me. Don't let the religious overtones scare you away. They are basic human principles.
July 17, 2008
This is at least my 4th time listing to this talk set and I recommend everyone listen to it no matter your relationship status it will help you to improve your relationships of all kinds! If you are married it can only make your relationship even more awesome! :) I try to listen to it at least once every year!
November 26, 2008
I learned alot from this book! I actually listened to it on CD. It was nice because I could go back and listen to parts that I really needed to hear. I also shared it with my brothers, sisters, mom and dad. There were so many communication examples in it that I could learn from. Now I just need to remember them and put them into practice.
March 16, 2009
this may be cheating because technically i'm listening to this book but i highly recommend it! It's the best to do with your significant other, there are alot of potential discussions in it. it just kindof gets you thinking ya know? i'm glad i got this in the beginning of my marriage, it's extremely insightful.
January 27, 2015
This was a great little marriage book. Or rather it was a talk. I liked how the author would use some of the excuses that many people use today in marriage. My favorite part of the talk was him busting the fallacy that "if you have to ask then it doesn't mean as much." That is a plague in relationships today.
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February 21, 2024This is a great book that teaches you the difference in men and women's communication styles. He talked about how to be a "content communicator" meaning to say what you want instead of hint dropping. He also gives advice on how to take and give criticism. He gives some great examples and suggestions to help improve all types of relationships in or lives.
September 17, 2015
This is one of the best wedding presents my husband and I received. The talks are full of practical communication and relationship skills based on real research instead of many pop culture marriage advice books. Lund is both entertaining as well as knowledgeable, and he uses real life examples/experiences to explain his points. My husband and I recommend this to all of our newly wed friends.
August 18, 2019
It's never too late to better yourself through communication skills that will enhance your marriage! My husband surprised me by reading this book first then giving it to me for Christmas. This is the most romantic gift I've ever received.
John Lund does a fantastic job of breaking down seemingly complicated communication issues into something workable, simple, and do-able.
LDS faith based
John Lund does a fantastic job of breaking down seemingly complicated communication issues into something workable, simple, and do-able.
LDS faith based
July 6, 2019
One of my favorite relationship books of all time. I love the audio. The author is funny, practical, and gives simple take away assignments. He takes common problems from any marriage and shows how ridiculous they are, and gives a better way to think about the issue.
August 3, 2020
This is such a great book! It is short, sweet, to the point, and filled with practical advice. Not only does it give amazing advice for our relationships with our partner, but also really good parenting advice. Highly recommend!
July 17, 2017
An awesome book for newly weds. Great for the rest of us married folk too.
December 19, 2017
A good read for couples new and old
January 6, 2025
There were some interesting ideas. You have to be willing to implement most of them as a group in order for the idea to work though.
April 16, 2021
I have a high regard for John Lund's books on relationships. This book is a summary of his other lectures and books on the subject. I listened to this book; it is full of humor, examples and case studies to enlighten the points for a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Highly recommended. Just listening to the last story of the last chapter is worth the time to consider this book. It is the story about Dr. Lund's grandmother.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews