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Hell-O-Ween
On Halloween night, two buddies decided to play a cruel trick on the class brain...but the joke was on them.
They only wanted to scare their enemy to death but their prank went awry and one of their friends ended up dead, her body ripped to pieces.
Soon seven teenagers were frantically fighting to save themselves from unthinkably gruesome ends but something born in the pits of hell was after them and they had no hope for escape.
They only wanted to scare their enemy to death but their prank went awry and one of their friends ended up dead, her body ripped to pieces.
Soon seven teenagers were frantically fighting to save themselves from unthinkably gruesome ends but something born in the pits of hell was after them and they had no hope for escape.
367 pages, Mass Market Paperback
Published January 1, 1992
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427 people want to read
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November 2, 2021
Wow, a real blast from the past. What started as a Halloween prank soon turned into a true nightmare. Eight youths want to spend Halloween in an old presumably cursed cave, Caverna del Diablo. The two leaders try to take revenge on a dorky but highly gifted schoolmate of theirs, Cory. Soon the whole group is hunted down by something unnamable. What is is? The cave turns out a complex maze. Will they get out of it alive? What about Cory and his girlfriend Ann? This cat and mouse game is highly entertaining, uncanny and runs shivers down your spine. To me one of the best lost in a cave, followed by a monster stories ever. Here we have everything, great characters, convincing opponent. Sometimes I thought this might be the best Richard Laymon he didn't write. Highly recommended!
January 6, 2022
In 1892, four gold prospectors enter the notorious Caverna del Diablo. Only a single member makes it out; found wandering the woods, he is raving about finding "the gateway to hell." The sheriff had no hopes of finding the missing men, and estimates nine men have lost their lives in the enormous cave over the past decade.
Present day: seven friends invite their classmate, Cory Fleming to spend Halloween with them in the Caverna del Diablo - but it is only a ruse, and they instead have a cruel trick in mind - to ditch him inside, leaving him wandering lost and alone.
Arriving at the cavern, the eight of them see crude paintings of a horrid monster, resembling the devil depicted above the entrance. For as long as anyone remembers, it has been said that something not-of-this-world inhabits the cavern. Something responsible for all the missing men. The classmates however, pay it no mind, treating it as a joke.
But before the night is over, they will come to deeply regret their juvenile prank - because the legends are true. There is something living deep inside the cavern. Something evil, from the pits of hell.
---------------
Just like the first David Robbins books I read, this was another great one. It was super fun and entertaining. I really like this authors writing style, and I'll definitely be sad when I finish making my way through all of his books.
Present day: seven friends invite their classmate, Cory Fleming to spend Halloween with them in the Caverna del Diablo - but it is only a ruse, and they instead have a cruel trick in mind - to ditch him inside, leaving him wandering lost and alone.
Arriving at the cavern, the eight of them see crude paintings of a horrid monster, resembling the devil depicted above the entrance. For as long as anyone remembers, it has been said that something not-of-this-world inhabits the cavern. Something responsible for all the missing men. The classmates however, pay it no mind, treating it as a joke.
But before the night is over, they will come to deeply regret their juvenile prank - because the legends are true. There is something living deep inside the cavern. Something evil, from the pits of hell.
---------------
Just like the first David Robbins books I read, this was another great one. It was super fun and entertaining. I really like this authors writing style, and I'll definitely be sad when I finish making my way through all of his books.
October 25, 2021
David Robbins' "Hell-O-Ween" is an absolute mess of a book that is problematic on so many levels, yet somehow delivered classic paperback from hell pleasure.
Eight high school youths venture into a cave reported to be haunted for a spooky party on Halloween night in Colorado. Little do they know the centuries-old legends about the place are more than just tall tales. If you ever watched "The Descent," you may appreciate this literary ancestor.
But first, let's start with the annoyances. Logic and science went right out the window in the writing of this tale. One of the protagonists gets stranded without a flashlight, the result of a mean prank by bullies. Yet, he can pretty much see what's around him--he can even make out the details of a figure a quarter of a mile down an underground pit! Have you ever been in a cave with the lights out? If so, you'll have experienced a blackness that is truly impenetrable. That is why cave fishes evolved to discard their useless eyes. Furthermore, he is lugging a backpack. But what on earth is he carrying? Certainly not water, or food, or an extra flashlight, or matches, or toilet paper, or a compass, or a map, or anything useful. He is acutely aware that the people he is accompanying on this little spelunking expedition are irresponsible kids who are likely to play a prank on him, yet he is completely unprepared. He is supposed to be the brains of the bunch, but he is about as dumb as a stalagmite.
Speaking of coming prepared, the reprint of this book is sure to mention that the kids did not bring cell phones, which upsets the girls of the group who wanted to take selfies. But the novel was originally published in 1992. Cell phones were certainly not an item carried around by kids those days, and smart phone selfies were not yet a thing. What is it with publishers who reprint old books and find it necessary to "update" the narrative with obligatory mentions of cell phones? In some cases, I sort of get it. Our modern technologies can easily undue many perils that 20th century characters find themselves in. Lost in the wilderness? Bust out your GPS. Afraid law enforcement won't believe your story about giant supernatural beasts attacking a small town? Just whip out your Android and start filming the mayhem. Stranded on a lonely highway? Instead of wandering to the nearest hillbilly cannibal farm, just call 911. Cell phones are the dreaded sonic screwdriver of standard horror fiction outlines. But in this book, it was really unnecessary to write out the use of phones, since they wouldn't likely work in the depths of the earth anyway. Besides, do readers really need a technology update to get into a book? We don't need Frankenstein running his experiments from a laptop, or Sherlock Holmes sending a drone to find a killer. Stop pretending your book is contemporary when it isn't. You'll only embarrass yourself.
After all, the writing is quite dated anyway, adorned which such nostalgic terms as "bodacious" and "radical," words that middle aged white guys still think accurately characterize how young people speak. And the first chapter opens with "Yo, dweeb!" Haute prose that screams contemporary literature, if I'm being honest.
Next, let's talk about the mixed bag. The novel is at heart a slasher with supernatural elements. A bunch of teenagers get together in a remote location to have extramarital sex, drink booze, and do drugs. There's a lot of talk about people's swollen "manhood," so much so that you don't know whether to become irritated or laugh. And when the kids start getting stalked by a killer, they continue to carry on with business as usual. They stop running to have a little nookie, and in one scene, with a monster right on their heels, two braniacs engage in a jealous spat. Calling out a boyfriend for getting hot-and-bothered by someone else would not be first on my mind when in full sprint in a dark cave pursued by a seven-foot tall demon. And then, in the same moment, they propose and accept marriage! What the hell-o-ween, David Robbins?
There is an attempt to explore and deconstruct the apparent and supposed psychological differences between the sexes, begging the reader to ask the question of just how divided we really are by gender vs upbringing. But overall, the female characters are all busty vaginas sure to lure themselves and their "hunks" into a brutal death. The males are disgusting, dumb, bullying jocks who belch when they guzzle beer. However, with a little patience, some of the characters do grow on you, as previously two-dimensional personalities grow in complexity and begin to show surprising pathos and ability to be sympathetic. But the author does try his best to cajole the reader to cheer for each character's bloody end. For instance, our lead has less personality than Hayden Christensen's Anakin Skywalker and is constantly annoying his peers as well as the reader with unwanted insertions of encyclopedic knowledge like some blanket-less Linus Van Pelt from the Peanuts or Cliff from "Cheers" sans mustachio. And we learn early on that he did some creepy things when he was ten-years-old in the backyard shed. What the hell-o-ween, David Robbins?!!!
"But Warren, you mass-market masochist," I hear you protest, "what did you expect from a book entitled 'Hell-O-Ween?'"
Well, for one thing, I expected something to put me in the mood for the fall season. You know... something Halloweenie. But I'm sorry, the sun-drenched pine forests and snow-capped mountains of the American West doesn't scream Halloween to me. Where's the candy-corn-colored falling leaves? Where's the glowing jack-o'-lanterns? The grinning pumpkin on the original cover is kind of false advertising.
But now for the positives. You carnage-candy connoisseurs are going to love the brutality of the kills found in these pages. The author certainly delivers on gross anatomy, with various lurid depictions of mutilation and dismemberment, but he can also ramp up the suspense by depicting the gore "off-screen" so to speak. Bones are heard snapping juxtaposed to blood-curdling screams echoing from dark tunnels. A wail of an unseen victim becomes muffled and gurgled just before a head torn off at the neck comes flying out of the gloom. Often, it is what is implied by what is heard and not seen that makes these moments so effective. And each of the kills are preceded by an "audio" aura, such as the sound of pounding or the rattle of a snake tail. When the narrative directs your attention to these sounds, your heart starts to race as you know mayhem is forthcoming. Like the classic "Ki-Ki-Ki...Ma-Ma-Ma" of the "Friday the 13th" franchise or the two-note throb of John Williams' "Jaws" theme, it is delightful how Robbins can pull off this same effect in the medium of literature.
Another chilling element is the behavior of the creatures in the cave. Apart from their mean-spirited treatment of their victims, these things that bump in the night are distinctly alien in their actions. Like Michael Myers cocking his head in childish curiosity at one of his fresh corpses, you wonder just what these things are doing and why. Their described appearance may be familiar to most horror and folklore fans, but there is otherwise an uncanny valley that makes them all the more unsettling.
The outstanding skill of this author in the horror department is what elevates a less-than-mediocre offering to a solid recommendation for horror fandom and collectors of vintage paperbacks from hell. The end result is cheesy, campy fun with which to pass away a few thrilling hours, even if it does evoke a few unintentional laughs and smirks.
So I do invite you to explore the Caverna del Diablo this Halloween or anytime. But don't be a "dweeb" like our main hero. Keep handy a well-stocked backpack, a couple of extra lights, and a few snacks. If it ends up not being to your taste, well, at least I tried to warn you.
SCORE: Three man-sized mounds of bat guano.
Eight high school youths venture into a cave reported to be haunted for a spooky party on Halloween night in Colorado. Little do they know the centuries-old legends about the place are more than just tall tales. If you ever watched "The Descent," you may appreciate this literary ancestor.
But first, let's start with the annoyances. Logic and science went right out the window in the writing of this tale. One of the protagonists gets stranded without a flashlight, the result of a mean prank by bullies. Yet, he can pretty much see what's around him--he can even make out the details of a figure a quarter of a mile down an underground pit! Have you ever been in a cave with the lights out? If so, you'll have experienced a blackness that is truly impenetrable. That is why cave fishes evolved to discard their useless eyes. Furthermore, he is lugging a backpack. But what on earth is he carrying? Certainly not water, or food, or an extra flashlight, or matches, or toilet paper, or a compass, or a map, or anything useful. He is acutely aware that the people he is accompanying on this little spelunking expedition are irresponsible kids who are likely to play a prank on him, yet he is completely unprepared. He is supposed to be the brains of the bunch, but he is about as dumb as a stalagmite.
Speaking of coming prepared, the reprint of this book is sure to mention that the kids did not bring cell phones, which upsets the girls of the group who wanted to take selfies. But the novel was originally published in 1992. Cell phones were certainly not an item carried around by kids those days, and smart phone selfies were not yet a thing. What is it with publishers who reprint old books and find it necessary to "update" the narrative with obligatory mentions of cell phones? In some cases, I sort of get it. Our modern technologies can easily undue many perils that 20th century characters find themselves in. Lost in the wilderness? Bust out your GPS. Afraid law enforcement won't believe your story about giant supernatural beasts attacking a small town? Just whip out your Android and start filming the mayhem. Stranded on a lonely highway? Instead of wandering to the nearest hillbilly cannibal farm, just call 911. Cell phones are the dreaded sonic screwdriver of standard horror fiction outlines. But in this book, it was really unnecessary to write out the use of phones, since they wouldn't likely work in the depths of the earth anyway. Besides, do readers really need a technology update to get into a book? We don't need Frankenstein running his experiments from a laptop, or Sherlock Holmes sending a drone to find a killer. Stop pretending your book is contemporary when it isn't. You'll only embarrass yourself.
After all, the writing is quite dated anyway, adorned which such nostalgic terms as "bodacious" and "radical," words that middle aged white guys still think accurately characterize how young people speak. And the first chapter opens with "Yo, dweeb!" Haute prose that screams contemporary literature, if I'm being honest.
Next, let's talk about the mixed bag. The novel is at heart a slasher with supernatural elements. A bunch of teenagers get together in a remote location to have extramarital sex, drink booze, and do drugs. There's a lot of talk about people's swollen "manhood," so much so that you don't know whether to become irritated or laugh. And when the kids start getting stalked by a killer, they continue to carry on with business as usual. They stop running to have a little nookie, and in one scene, with a monster right on their heels, two braniacs engage in a jealous spat. Calling out a boyfriend for getting hot-and-bothered by someone else would not be first on my mind when in full sprint in a dark cave pursued by a seven-foot tall demon. And then, in the same moment, they propose and accept marriage! What the hell-o-ween, David Robbins?
There is an attempt to explore and deconstruct the apparent and supposed psychological differences between the sexes, begging the reader to ask the question of just how divided we really are by gender vs upbringing. But overall, the female characters are all busty vaginas sure to lure themselves and their "hunks" into a brutal death. The males are disgusting, dumb, bullying jocks who belch when they guzzle beer. However, with a little patience, some of the characters do grow on you, as previously two-dimensional personalities grow in complexity and begin to show surprising pathos and ability to be sympathetic. But the author does try his best to cajole the reader to cheer for each character's bloody end. For instance, our lead has less personality than Hayden Christensen's Anakin Skywalker and is constantly annoying his peers as well as the reader with unwanted insertions of encyclopedic knowledge like some blanket-less Linus Van Pelt from the Peanuts or Cliff from "Cheers" sans mustachio. And we learn early on that he did some creepy things when he was ten-years-old in the backyard shed. What the hell-o-ween, David Robbins?!!!
"But Warren, you mass-market masochist," I hear you protest, "what did you expect from a book entitled 'Hell-O-Ween?'"
Well, for one thing, I expected something to put me in the mood for the fall season. You know... something Halloweenie. But I'm sorry, the sun-drenched pine forests and snow-capped mountains of the American West doesn't scream Halloween to me. Where's the candy-corn-colored falling leaves? Where's the glowing jack-o'-lanterns? The grinning pumpkin on the original cover is kind of false advertising.
But now for the positives. You carnage-candy connoisseurs are going to love the brutality of the kills found in these pages. The author certainly delivers on gross anatomy, with various lurid depictions of mutilation and dismemberment, but he can also ramp up the suspense by depicting the gore "off-screen" so to speak. Bones are heard snapping juxtaposed to blood-curdling screams echoing from dark tunnels. A wail of an unseen victim becomes muffled and gurgled just before a head torn off at the neck comes flying out of the gloom. Often, it is what is implied by what is heard and not seen that makes these moments so effective. And each of the kills are preceded by an "audio" aura, such as the sound of pounding or the rattle of a snake tail. When the narrative directs your attention to these sounds, your heart starts to race as you know mayhem is forthcoming. Like the classic "Ki-Ki-Ki...Ma-Ma-Ma" of the "Friday the 13th" franchise or the two-note throb of John Williams' "Jaws" theme, it is delightful how Robbins can pull off this same effect in the medium of literature.
Another chilling element is the behavior of the creatures in the cave. Apart from their mean-spirited treatment of their victims, these things that bump in the night are distinctly alien in their actions. Like Michael Myers cocking his head in childish curiosity at one of his fresh corpses, you wonder just what these things are doing and why. Their described appearance may be familiar to most horror and folklore fans, but there is otherwise an uncanny valley that makes them all the more unsettling.
The outstanding skill of this author in the horror department is what elevates a less-than-mediocre offering to a solid recommendation for horror fandom and collectors of vintage paperbacks from hell. The end result is cheesy, campy fun with which to pass away a few thrilling hours, even if it does evoke a few unintentional laughs and smirks.
So I do invite you to explore the Caverna del Diablo this Halloween or anytime. But don't be a "dweeb" like our main hero. Keep handy a well-stocked backpack, a couple of extra lights, and a few snacks. If it ends up not being to your taste, well, at least I tried to warn you.
SCORE: Three man-sized mounds of bat guano.
November 8, 2022
Halloween night sees the mysterious Caverna del Diablo play house to a group of teens looking to scare one of their classmates out of his mind. Who would’ve thought it would be those cruel pranksters who’d be the first to fall to pieces (literally) on the scariest night on the calendar?
A spooky Halloween themed romp this is not. There’s no costume dress up, no trick or treating, and no mass consumption of candy. The author simply uses the celebration of the ‘dead returned’ as a means to get a bunch of horny teens (three couples and two uncomfortable outcasts) into a dire situation deep inside a the caverns of a supposedly haunted cave.
The teens are pretty generic for these types of books but that doesn’t make them any less readable. I mean, they’re generally written as fodder for the proverbial meat grinder and that’s exactly the way their short spans play out with each couple slowly but steadily falling under the blood lust gaze of the cave dwellers, until meeting their gruesome demise. A sturdy stomach is required to get through some of the chapters…
There is, however, a shallow undercurrent of a backstory; class nerd Cory Fleming doesn’t know why he’s suddenly invited to hang with the cool group of kids on Halloween, but doesn’t give the invite much thought, after all, his long time crush is part of said group so maybe he stands chance at wooing her with his nerdiness so she leaves her jock boyfriend and swoons into his open arms? Not as unlikely as you’d think…
Turns out Cory is the pawn in a cruel game and finds himself stranded in the dark without a light source, left to wade his way through the darkness with little hope of reaching the surface. I found the bullying more hard to swallow than the other horror elements, so reader beware.
Hell-O-Ween is a lot of fun once you get passed the bullying elements. At it’s core it’s a survival horror with some nice tension and a heathy dose of sex thrown in to keep things firmly in the R-rated section of the horror aisle. The characters, as mentioned serve their purpose and make for decent reading despite not hanging around all that long.
This is the first horror novel of David Robbins’ I’ve read (first novel was Blood Cult) and I really liked it. I’ll certainly be on the look out for more!
A spooky Halloween themed romp this is not. There’s no costume dress up, no trick or treating, and no mass consumption of candy. The author simply uses the celebration of the ‘dead returned’ as a means to get a bunch of horny teens (three couples and two uncomfortable outcasts) into a dire situation deep inside a the caverns of a supposedly haunted cave.
The teens are pretty generic for these types of books but that doesn’t make them any less readable. I mean, they’re generally written as fodder for the proverbial meat grinder and that’s exactly the way their short spans play out with each couple slowly but steadily falling under the blood lust gaze of the cave dwellers, until meeting their gruesome demise. A sturdy stomach is required to get through some of the chapters…
There is, however, a shallow undercurrent of a backstory; class nerd Cory Fleming doesn’t know why he’s suddenly invited to hang with the cool group of kids on Halloween, but doesn’t give the invite much thought, after all, his long time crush is part of said group so maybe he stands chance at wooing her with his nerdiness so she leaves her jock boyfriend and swoons into his open arms? Not as unlikely as you’d think…
Turns out Cory is the pawn in a cruel game and finds himself stranded in the dark without a light source, left to wade his way through the darkness with little hope of reaching the surface. I found the bullying more hard to swallow than the other horror elements, so reader beware.
Hell-O-Ween is a lot of fun once you get passed the bullying elements. At it’s core it’s a survival horror with some nice tension and a heathy dose of sex thrown in to keep things firmly in the R-rated section of the horror aisle. The characters, as mentioned serve their purpose and make for decent reading despite not hanging around all that long.
This is the first horror novel of David Robbins’ I’ve read (first novel was Blood Cult) and I really liked it. I’ll certainly be on the look out for more!
October 30, 2018
8 enter the "Caverna del Diablo" all teenagers. They wanted to have a wild Halloween party. Little did one, the brains and outcast of the group, know that he was going to be the butt of a cruel prank. Little did the whole group know that they were walking into a hellish nightmare for them all. They come in contact with some sort of beasts with super human powers.
David Robbins is more known, at least to me, for his sci-fi type series', Endworld and Blade. His horror, which I've only read a couple, are a bit bland and formulaic. Maybe that's why he did not write too many of them. Although, I did like this. It was a bit generic, but I still liked the creatures and the fight for your life in a dark cave plot. One thing I can say for David Robbins is that this book read a bit like another of my sometimes favorite author, Richard Laymon. Both inject perversity in spots you would shake your head at. Like a boy and girl are with another couple in this dark cave. They know that some of their friends have been massacred by these unknown creatures, yet they stop and let the other couple go ahead and copulate like nothing is wrong. Guys get aroused while lurking around the next corner is certain death. Laymon does it better though.
David Robbins is more known, at least to me, for his sci-fi type series', Endworld and Blade. His horror, which I've only read a couple, are a bit bland and formulaic. Maybe that's why he did not write too many of them. Although, I did like this. It was a bit generic, but I still liked the creatures and the fight for your life in a dark cave plot. One thing I can say for David Robbins is that this book read a bit like another of my sometimes favorite author, Richard Laymon. Both inject perversity in spots you would shake your head at. Like a boy and girl are with another couple in this dark cave. They know that some of their friends have been massacred by these unknown creatures, yet they stop and let the other couple go ahead and copulate like nothing is wrong. Guys get aroused while lurking around the next corner is certain death. Laymon does it better though.
October 26, 2020
This will never be considered great literature or for that matter anything other than trashy fun, but if you are in the mood for some readable pulp for the holidays, give it shot. Eight teenagers head out one Halloween to spend the evening in a cave in the Rockies that has a long history of being inhabited by monsters. The cast reads straight out of a B horror movie-- two football jocks and their cheerleader dates, one smooth talking dealer and his date, and two odd people out, the class brain and the dealer date's sidekick. What the brain does not know is that the jocks plan on a little scare for him, but things quickly go to hell in a hand basket.
It turns out that the legends of the cave are based on reality, as 'demons' begin to have some fun with the kids. First, they manage to push huge rocks to separate the group in the tunnels, and once separated, start playing a cat and mouse game with the isolated groups. Why the whole cat and mouse thing I am not sure, but so it goes. The groups winnow down to the brain and his life-long crush (the dealer's date), one jock and three of the gals, and one jock with the dealer. We then have a series of revolving POVs as each group struggles to escape...
For me, the biggest issue (outside of the whole damsel in distress thing with the women) concerns the caves. The brain gets knocked out and his flashlight stolen by the jocks, but when he wakes up, and his eyes adjust, he can barely see. I have done some caving, and without light, caves are the pitchest black you will ever encounter. Yeah, I can buy that some parts were lit by glowing phosphorus, but still. The whole cat and mouse game played by the demons is also strange-- why bother? Still, Robbins can build some tension as he does with his repeated cliff hangers before switching POVs, and this was a fast read as well. 3 trashy stars.
It turns out that the legends of the cave are based on reality, as 'demons' begin to have some fun with the kids. First, they manage to push huge rocks to separate the group in the tunnels, and once separated, start playing a cat and mouse game with the isolated groups. Why the whole cat and mouse thing I am not sure, but so it goes. The groups winnow down to the brain and his life-long crush (the dealer's date), one jock and three of the gals, and one jock with the dealer. We then have a series of revolving POVs as each group struggles to escape...
For me, the biggest issue (outside of the whole damsel in distress thing with the women) concerns the caves. The brain gets knocked out and his flashlight stolen by the jocks, but when he wakes up, and his eyes adjust, he can barely see. I have done some caving, and without light, caves are the pitchest black you will ever encounter. Yeah, I can buy that some parts were lit by glowing phosphorus, but still. The whole cat and mouse game played by the demons is also strange-- why bother? Still, Robbins can build some tension as he does with his repeated cliff hangers before switching POVs, and this was a fast read as well. 3 trashy stars.
November 28, 2017
Eight 17 year olds decide to visit the Caverna del Diablo (Cavern Of The Devil) on Halloween. The cavern is ancient with images of demons on it's walls and people have disappeared over the years. I can see where this is going!
The story starts as the group makes it way to the cavern and it is revealed that they are not all friends and 2 of the 8 are going to play a nasty prank on 1 of their number. There is no long build up and the action kicks in quickly.
The group is made up of "jocks", 'nerds" and "prom queens". A very stereotypical bunch whose dialogue reinforces this. My favourite was the use of "honeybuns" that a female kept referring to her "jock" boyfriend as.
There is plenty of sex, gore and cavern terminology (which the "nerd" uses). It was published in 1992 but has a very 80's feel. The story was too long as it consisted of the group trying to find their way out of the cavern as the demons hunt them down. It dragged out the story which made it a touch boring.
I did enjoy the over the top dialogue and stereotypes battling the demons which resulted in horrible and grisly death scenes.
The story starts as the group makes it way to the cavern and it is revealed that they are not all friends and 2 of the 8 are going to play a nasty prank on 1 of their number. There is no long build up and the action kicks in quickly.
The group is made up of "jocks", 'nerds" and "prom queens". A very stereotypical bunch whose dialogue reinforces this. My favourite was the use of "honeybuns" that a female kept referring to her "jock" boyfriend as.
There is plenty of sex, gore and cavern terminology (which the "nerd" uses). It was published in 1992 but has a very 80's feel. The story was too long as it consisted of the group trying to find their way out of the cavern as the demons hunt them down. It dragged out the story which made it a touch boring.
I did enjoy the over the top dialogue and stereotypes battling the demons which resulted in horrible and grisly death scenes.
March 29, 2025
Was the writing well done? No. Was I highly entertained? Yes.
This is your classic balls to the wall supernatural slasher where nothing should work but does and all the worst people die. While it was published in the 90s this reads as a so bad it’s good 80s horror movie.
Don’t read this if you’re easily offended by over exaggerated stereotypes of toxic masculinity and women are walking sex kittens.
This is your classic balls to the wall supernatural slasher where nothing should work but does and all the worst people die. While it was published in the 90s this reads as a so bad it’s good 80s horror movie.
Don’t read this if you’re easily offended by over exaggerated stereotypes of toxic masculinity and women are walking sex kittens.
October 4, 2019
Hell-O-Ween? More like Shit-O-Ween if you ask me
January 8, 2019
Even though this book was not my thing, I still saw it through to the end. And I'm giving it a two-star rating because it made me LOL - a lot.
You know when something is so bad that it actually becomes funny? Well, that was Hell-O-Ween for me. It was so funny that in the end I was reading it as comedy, rather than horror. I'm not entirely sure if that was the intent, though...
You know when something is so bad that it actually becomes funny? Well, that was Hell-O-Ween for me. It was so funny that in the end I was reading it as comedy, rather than horror. I'm not entirely sure if that was the intent, though...
October 6, 2021
That's right--4 stars. Srsly. I mean, 1 or 2 in terms of "quality", 5 in terms of fun quotient, splitting the difference and rounding up...4 stars.
“Hell-O-Ween” is not a great novel. It is not even a “good” novel. It is, however, a helluva lot of fun if you’re into this sort of thing. It’s never boring, the pace is brisk, and the characters (though stock, cliché, and definitely of their era) are enjoyable. The monsters are actually fun, too. Did the makers of “The Descent” read this one? That film is one of the 10 or 20 best horror flicks of the 21st century and is MILES ahead of this book, but I could see how this was a spark of imagination for that film.
Anyway, if you’ve read Laymon and the like you’ll be in familiar territory. I’ll argue forever that, like him or not, be offended by him or not, Laymon was a truly gifted and under-rated writer even if the books he pumped out weren’t always “great” in the traditional sense. Robbins does not appear to be as good of a writer. But he’s fun, and that counts for something. There are some truly awful turns of phrases, some atrocious dialogue, some icky narration---most all of which are HILARIOUS albeit possibly unintentionally so. Like a straight to video 1980s slasher monster movie mashup, this one is for genre fans only. But many of them will love it.
“Hell-O-Ween” is not a great novel. It is not even a “good” novel. It is, however, a helluva lot of fun if you’re into this sort of thing. It’s never boring, the pace is brisk, and the characters (though stock, cliché, and definitely of their era) are enjoyable. The monsters are actually fun, too. Did the makers of “The Descent” read this one? That film is one of the 10 or 20 best horror flicks of the 21st century and is MILES ahead of this book, but I could see how this was a spark of imagination for that film.
Anyway, if you’ve read Laymon and the like you’ll be in familiar territory. I’ll argue forever that, like him or not, be offended by him or not, Laymon was a truly gifted and under-rated writer even if the books he pumped out weren’t always “great” in the traditional sense. Robbins does not appear to be as good of a writer. But he’s fun, and that counts for something. There are some truly awful turns of phrases, some atrocious dialogue, some icky narration---most all of which are HILARIOUS albeit possibly unintentionally so. Like a straight to video 1980s slasher monster movie mashup, this one is for genre fans only. But many of them will love it.
June 9, 2024
The Breakfast Club meets (Monster of the Week)
This novel was originally written in 1992. I must have a read an updated version, as I was little confused when there was a mention of cell phones. Although the language used for some of the sex scenes is seriously problematic (and laughable, tbh), this was a fun read. The ending, in particular, was wild. Maybe it was just me, but the teenagers seemed much more grown up than teenagers of today and very characteristic of “The Breakfast Club” type identities. I tried this author because I was looking to read something reminiscent to Richard Laymon. It wasn’t Laymon, but I would read more from David Robbins.
This novel was originally written in 1992. I must have a read an updated version, as I was little confused when there was a mention of cell phones. Although the language used for some of the sex scenes is seriously problematic (and laughable, tbh), this was a fun read. The ending, in particular, was wild. Maybe it was just me, but the teenagers seemed much more grown up than teenagers of today and very characteristic of “The Breakfast Club” type identities. I tried this author because I was looking to read something reminiscent to Richard Laymon. It wasn’t Laymon, but I would read more from David Robbins.
November 3, 2009
I read this back in high school and loved it, lol. Can't remember much about it except that it was spooky. Might be fun to read again for old time's sake.
September 11, 2023
Within the first few pages of the book I hated most of the characters and wanted to set the book on fire. Teenagers (in books at least) can be jerks and here they are assembled for you in one place. There are some flaws, things that don’t make sense, but darn it they are in a cave and lost and there are monsters! There is hope that most of them will die brutally, so I’m here to read about it.
October 1, 2025
This book is definitely corny, but it's fun and ridiculous and a good read for the spooky season...especially if you like goofy books. I agree that it did go a little long, but I'm a sucker for cheesy heroic endings, like old 80's horror films.
October 23, 2022
Yet another very entertaining horror novel by David Robbins. This is not fine literature by any stretch of the imagination, but for a gripping, relentlessly paced horror yarn that will keep you glued to the pages, look no further. Robbins is so good at this kind of "fast food" comfort horror, I wish he had written more books in this genre!
November 8, 2025
"If you bring up the subject of the devil or demons or angels, people are likely to think you’re a religious nut. And believe it or not, there are psychiatrists who consider any religious beliefs as indicative of mental psychosis." p.365
There's so much to say about what makes this novel a trainwreck, but let's start from the top. This story, titled 'Hell-o-Ween' with a grinning jack O’ lantern on the cover of not only the first but also second editions, is not about Halloween. I'd add 'at all' except that it being Halloween is the excuse used in-text to set off the plot.
The plot itself (not about Halloween), gives us a group of eight teenagers off to spend a spooky night drinking and making merry in a local cave system. But it all goes horribly wrong after two of the teens try to play a cruel prank on the 'loser nerd' invited along just for the sake of leaving him wandering alone in the dark as a 'joke.'
But there are monsters down in the caves that make sure the joke is actually on the teenagers as they're picked off slowly, one by one...
Now. The set-up of a bunch of people wandering around in a labyrinthine cave system, hopelessly lost and also running for their lives is pretty great. It was great in the film 'Decent', and could have been great here.
But it was not, because I have my doubts upon completion that writing a compelling and coherant story was David Robbins's goal.
The caves being too dark for anyone to see anything without a flashlight? Borderline never mentioned. He was constantly talking about the flashlight batteries, but none of them ever actually went out, and it didn't matter anyway since even the people without one seemed to be able to see perfectly well. The character with glasses that never even fell off despite him getting tossed every which way and constantly falling down. Hunger and thirst never matter in any significant way despite this all going on for over ten hours of serious physical exertion. Finding a fully functional gas lamp and just so happening to have powder sulfer and a bottomless box of matches. I could go on.
But frankly, all of that, even some of the truly preposterous moments of people falling ten feet or more and landing on their backs without injury I could have forgiven were it not for the truly awful ways Robbins ham-fisted sex into this novel.
The slutty popular girl and dumb jock archetypes getting it on in a corner before the monsters come into play? Sure, whatever. It was probably some of the least sexy writing of a scene of that type I've had the misfortune of reading in a traditionally published novel (I could, for instance, have gone without reading how he slammed his 'rigid pole' into her 'hot hole'), but it didn't beggar belief.
What did beggar belief was how often every single boy-girl pairing in this book took the time to get frisky even knowing they were being chased by creatures that could literally rip them limb from limb. It nearly reached parody levels at some points.
And then as if that weren't enough, the creatures get in on it too. For reasons Robbins doesn't even attempt to explain, when the creatures capture each of the slutty girls, they strip them naked and sexually assault them before pulling them apart and eating them. Not the virtuous girl, though -- they don't molest her.
It was after the third time this happened (third!) that I became suspicious. These suspicions grew when, in another scene, one of the jock characters, who is also a cocaine addict, punches his girlfriend unconscious kind of out of the blue, then leaves her for dead. Her reaction to this when she finally comes to is:
Genuinely, I had no words.
But this passage made a lot of sense of so much else that goes on in this book. At one point, the drug-dealer character is telling the woman-beating coke addict character why he deals drugs, and it's... it's so stupid. He says that he deals drugs, and I quote, because his father "is the ultimate liberal wuss. I mean, he's so liberal he thinks the Democratic party is right wing." p.134
Again, just... speechless.
At this point, you're probably starting to get where this is all going, and you'd be right. It wouldn't be a spoiler for me to just tell you which two of the eight teenagers survives. Let's reel them off and you can guess: two slutty girls with huge tits, a fat loser girl, a drug addict, a drug dealer, a dumb jock who cheats on his girlfriend, a hot virgin girl, and a virtuous nerd who is hopelessly in love with the hot virgin girl.
So go on, guess. Which two in this line-up make it out alive?
This is all just silly conservative nonsense dressed up as a horror story. That's it, that's the punchline. It's predictable and off-putting, and exposes the underside of conservatism in all its ugly glory.
This novel exists to scold the reader: don't have sex before marriage or else. Don't do drugs, or else. Don't be a liberal parent, or else your son will push cocaine just to rebel. Be athletic, because that's manly, but not too athletic or you're probably stupid. If you're a girl, don't be fat or plain, or else. If you're a girl, be hot with big boobs for boys to ogle, but if you do it on purpose, you're a worthless slut who deserves to get punched out/possibly fondled and then eaten by cave monsters.
Oh, and obviously, not a single one of the good ideas of how to escape comes from the girls, who are constantly making decisions that put them into positions where they need to be rescued by their respective boyfriends.
Then of course, the icing on the cake is at the very end when it's all over, the two survivors are trying to decide how to explain what happened to them in the caves, but when the girl timidly suggests they tell the authorities the truth: that the creatures that attacked them are best described as demons, the boy shoots her down by pointing out that they'd just sound crazy (which, like, yes, probably) and get branded as religious nuts (???) and didn't she know that "there are psychiatrists who consider any religious beliefs as indicative of mental psychosis."
I was so glad the story ended two pages later because it was all too much.
The true horror in 'Hell-O-Ween' is that in a conservative world, the acceptable way of being is so narrow that everyone who tries to exist within the lines must be constantly holding their breath to make sure no part of them ever crosses those lines, however contradictory they may be.
(Also, on a side note, I could not stand how often the girls referred to the guys as 'hunks' and would say things like 'you got it, handsome.' Like, I'm so sorry, but not only is that incredibly cringe, it also smacks of 'older man writing teenage girls' in the most grating way possible, equal to when the boy characters would refer to the girls as 'females'. Barf.)
There's so much to say about what makes this novel a trainwreck, but let's start from the top. This story, titled 'Hell-o-Ween' with a grinning jack O’ lantern on the cover of not only the first but also second editions, is not about Halloween. I'd add 'at all' except that it being Halloween is the excuse used in-text to set off the plot.
The plot itself (not about Halloween), gives us a group of eight teenagers off to spend a spooky night drinking and making merry in a local cave system. But it all goes horribly wrong after two of the teens try to play a cruel prank on the 'loser nerd' invited along just for the sake of leaving him wandering alone in the dark as a 'joke.'
But there are monsters down in the caves that make sure the joke is actually on the teenagers as they're picked off slowly, one by one...
Now. The set-up of a bunch of people wandering around in a labyrinthine cave system, hopelessly lost and also running for their lives is pretty great. It was great in the film 'Decent', and could have been great here.
But it was not, because I have my doubts upon completion that writing a compelling and coherant story was David Robbins's goal.
The caves being too dark for anyone to see anything without a flashlight? Borderline never mentioned. He was constantly talking about the flashlight batteries, but none of them ever actually went out, and it didn't matter anyway since even the people without one seemed to be able to see perfectly well. The character with glasses that never even fell off despite him getting tossed every which way and constantly falling down. Hunger and thirst never matter in any significant way despite this all going on for over ten hours of serious physical exertion. Finding a fully functional gas lamp and just so happening to have powder sulfer and a bottomless box of matches. I could go on.
But frankly, all of that, even some of the truly preposterous moments of people falling ten feet or more and landing on their backs without injury I could have forgiven were it not for the truly awful ways Robbins ham-fisted sex into this novel.
The slutty popular girl and dumb jock archetypes getting it on in a corner before the monsters come into play? Sure, whatever. It was probably some of the least sexy writing of a scene of that type I've had the misfortune of reading in a traditionally published novel (I could, for instance, have gone without reading how he slammed his 'rigid pole' into her 'hot hole'), but it didn't beggar belief.
What did beggar belief was how often every single boy-girl pairing in this book took the time to get frisky even knowing they were being chased by creatures that could literally rip them limb from limb. It nearly reached parody levels at some points.
And then as if that weren't enough, the creatures get in on it too. For reasons Robbins doesn't even attempt to explain, when the creatures capture each of the slutty girls, they strip them naked and sexually assault them before pulling them apart and eating them. Not the virtuous girl, though -- they don't molest her.
It was after the third time this happened (third!) that I became suspicious. These suspicions grew when, in another scene, one of the jock characters, who is also a cocaine addict, punches his girlfriend unconscious kind of out of the blue, then leaves her for dead. Her reaction to this when she finally comes to is:
She only had herself to blame. Since her twelfth birthday, she'd always lived on the wild side, a regular party animal from the word go. She liked to dance, drink, and screw -- and not necessarily in that order. Wesley certainly wasn't the best lover she'd ever had, nor did he have the biggest schlong, but he did always carry the biggest wad of bills she had ever laid eyes on, and to her way of thinking, the guys with the bucks were the ones who got the most out of life and had the most to offer their babes."
Genuinely, I had no words.
But this passage made a lot of sense of so much else that goes on in this book. At one point, the drug-dealer character is telling the woman-beating coke addict character why he deals drugs, and it's... it's so stupid. He says that he deals drugs, and I quote, because his father "is the ultimate liberal wuss. I mean, he's so liberal he thinks the Democratic party is right wing." p.134
Again, just... speechless.
At this point, you're probably starting to get where this is all going, and you'd be right. It wouldn't be a spoiler for me to just tell you which two of the eight teenagers survives. Let's reel them off and you can guess: two slutty girls with huge tits, a fat loser girl, a drug addict, a drug dealer, a dumb jock who cheats on his girlfriend, a hot virgin girl, and a virtuous nerd who is hopelessly in love with the hot virgin girl.
So go on, guess. Which two in this line-up make it out alive?
This is all just silly conservative nonsense dressed up as a horror story. That's it, that's the punchline. It's predictable and off-putting, and exposes the underside of conservatism in all its ugly glory.
This novel exists to scold the reader: don't have sex before marriage or else. Don't do drugs, or else. Don't be a liberal parent, or else your son will push cocaine just to rebel. Be athletic, because that's manly, but not too athletic or you're probably stupid. If you're a girl, don't be fat or plain, or else. If you're a girl, be hot with big boobs for boys to ogle, but if you do it on purpose, you're a worthless slut who deserves to get punched out/possibly fondled and then eaten by cave monsters.
Oh, and obviously, not a single one of the good ideas of how to escape comes from the girls, who are constantly making decisions that put them into positions where they need to be rescued by their respective boyfriends.
Then of course, the icing on the cake is at the very end when it's all over, the two survivors are trying to decide how to explain what happened to them in the caves, but when the girl timidly suggests they tell the authorities the truth: that the creatures that attacked them are best described as demons, the boy shoots her down by pointing out that they'd just sound crazy (which, like, yes, probably) and get branded as religious nuts (???) and didn't she know that "there are psychiatrists who consider any religious beliefs as indicative of mental psychosis."
I was so glad the story ended two pages later because it was all too much.
The true horror in 'Hell-O-Ween' is that in a conservative world, the acceptable way of being is so narrow that everyone who tries to exist within the lines must be constantly holding their breath to make sure no part of them ever crosses those lines, however contradictory they may be.
(Also, on a side note, I could not stand how often the girls referred to the guys as 'hunks' and would say things like 'you got it, handsome.' Like, I'm so sorry, but not only is that incredibly cringe, it also smacks of 'older man writing teenage girls' in the most grating way possible, equal to when the boy characters would refer to the girls as 'females'. Barf.)
January 24, 2022
Okay so first thing you should know going into my review is that I found this book in a dollar discount bin as a teenager. The fact that I even read the entire thing and enjoyed any part of this book is a pure win in my book. I don't know why I loved this book so much. It's basically a B horror film in book form. I have however read this book at least 7 times since I was a teen and I weirdly enjoy it each time. Sure it may not be the best book in the whole entire world but the fact that I have read it so many times and enjoyed each reread gives it 5 stars.
October 22, 2022
Hell-O-Ween is pulp horror, without pretense. A bunch of teens foolishly partying in a cursed Colorado cave on Halloween night and what happens because of it. It's not really what I'd think of as a Halloween book. Though it is set on Halloween night, it's mainly about teens being terrorized in a cave.
The teens are given enough personality and the pacing is spot on. I don't want to oversell it. It is pulp. You won't ponder the underlying message while sipping single malt. But for what it is, it is a solid example.
The teens are given enough personality and the pacing is spot on. I don't want to oversell it. It is pulp. You won't ponder the underlying message while sipping single malt. But for what it is, it is a solid example.
December 17, 2012
This novel is exactly what I expected. A poorly written bit of fluff. If it were a movie, it would have gone straight to VHS.Having said that,it was so bad it was good. At best, the characters were two dimensional stereotypes. I believe the book was written in the early nineties, but the dialog sounded nearer to the 1970's and even then we never talked quite like that. If you are in the mood for a good giggle, this is the book for you.
June 5, 2014
This is not a book that I would have chosen on my own. A client gave it to me and asked me to read it. I tried, but gave up after the first 100 pages or so. This book is gory, gratuitously sexual, and crude.
September 30, 2021
Bunch of kids go searching through a cave and get lost on Halloween night. Something is stalking them in the cave, what was supposed to be a night of fun turns into a night of terror. Really enjoyed this one kind of reminded me of the movie “The Descent”.
December 16, 2007
One of my all time favorite scary books. I have read this multiple times and love it each time through. It's mindless scary fun!
November 28, 2010
Possibly the worst book I have ever read.
August 16, 2014
So many twists, it was fabulous! Thoroughly enjoyed it.
June 10, 2017
Wonderful read. Was alot of fun delving into this cave romp!
March 15, 2018
This book was written in a fashion that drew me into the story. Worlds melded as I took this adventure. Kudos to David Robbins.
October 10, 2020
Not horrible but some of the teens were so awful that I found myself routing for the monsters.
October 7, 2021
I have read this book many times. It's one of the best horror stories that I've read. Especially a Halloween story at that.
March 27, 2023
This felt like a slasher movie in book form. Fun, but everyone was dumb and the dialogue unconvincing.
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