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Not in Your Genes: The Real Reasons Children Are Like Their Parents
Using a mixture of famous and ordinary people, Oliver James drills deep down into the childhood causes of our individuality, revealing why our upbringing, not our genes, plays such an important role in our wellbeing and success. The implications are as adults we can change, as parents we can radically alter the trajectory of our childrens' lives, and as a society we could largely eradicate criminality and poverty. Not in Your Genes will not only change the way you think about yourself and the people around you, but give you the fuel to change your personality and your life for the better.
320 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2014
49 people are currently reading
556 people want to read
About the author
Oliver James
26 books150 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
Oliver James is a clinical psychologist, writer, broadcaster, and television documentary producer. He frequently broadcasts on radio and acts as a pundit on television.
He is the author of several books, including Affluenza, which examines the role that consumerist aspirations play in making us miserable.
In 1997 he presented The Chair for BBC 2, a series that put celebrities on the psychologist's couch, and in which Peter Mandelson famously shed a tear.
Oliver has produced and presented several other television series about the issues surrounding mental illness, and various psychological aspects of British society. He also presented a series for This Morning on child development and is a regular contributor to several broadsheet newspapers.
He is a trustee of the Alzheimer's charity, SPECAL and lives in Oxfordshire with his wife and two small children.
Oliver James is a clinical psychologist, writer, broadcaster, and television documentary producer. He frequently broadcasts on radio and acts as a pundit on television.
He is the author of several books, including Affluenza, which examines the role that consumerist aspirations play in making us miserable.
In 1997 he presented The Chair for BBC 2, a series that put celebrities on the psychologist's couch, and in which Peter Mandelson famously shed a tear.
Oliver has produced and presented several other television series about the issues surrounding mental illness, and various psychological aspects of British society. He also presented a series for This Morning on child development and is a regular contributor to several broadsheet newspapers.
He is a trustee of the Alzheimer's charity, SPECAL and lives in Oxfordshire with his wife and two small children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
June 7, 2019
Wowser! A lot of good stuff, easily explained for the non-professionals.
Anyway, I don't really think it's all not in genes. Some things definitely are. Others are a mix of different sources. Still, some things are definitely epigenetic or phenotipic or experiencial. So...
Don't fuck up your kids, will you? Even if you really feel like it.
Or how to survive one's family life.
Anyway, I don't really think it's all not in genes. Some things definitely are. Others are a mix of different sources. Still, some things are definitely epigenetic or phenotipic or experiencial. So...
Don't fuck up your kids, will you? Even if you really feel like it.
Or how to survive one's family life.
September 11, 2021
I-as da 10 stele de as putea. E una din top cele mai bune cărți citite anul acesta.
Cartea e un strigat împotriva tiraniei 'destinului genetic'
Cartea e un strigat împotriva tiraniei 'destinului genetic'
March 27, 2016
While the book was a page turner, I came out of it feeling very guilty as a parent - apparently everything about the personality of a child, good and bad, is down to their parenting (and the parents parenting, and their parents parenting, and so on).
James alienated me as a reader early on with unsubstantiated and sweeping statements like "Indeed, given how lamentably organised British education is, I am inclined to agree with them that one of its main purposes is merely to warehouse children so that parents can work." As a teacher, I completely disagree.
I did, however, keep reading, and while strangely compelled by the armchair analysis of the lives and of Tiger Woods and Peaches Geldoff, I still have great doubts about the main premise - that genes have no effect on our personality, that mental illness is due to maltreatment in childhood, and that a child's success (and failure) is down to their birth order, the mental health of their mother, sibling rivalry, favouritism and the relationship of their parents.
All a bit too much of a parental guilt trip to be enjoyable.
James alienated me as a reader early on with unsubstantiated and sweeping statements like "Indeed, given how lamentably organised British education is, I am inclined to agree with them that one of its main purposes is merely to warehouse children so that parents can work." As a teacher, I completely disagree.
I did, however, keep reading, and while strangely compelled by the armchair analysis of the lives and of Tiger Woods and Peaches Geldoff, I still have great doubts about the main premise - that genes have no effect on our personality, that mental illness is due to maltreatment in childhood, and that a child's success (and failure) is down to their birth order, the mental health of their mother, sibling rivalry, favouritism and the relationship of their parents.
All a bit too much of a parental guilt trip to be enjoyable.
August 29, 2020
Cartea aceasta pentru mine este un fenomen.
Multe lucruri am aflat noi și care par ireale, la prima vedere, dar au logică și par mai mult decât verosimile.
Un lucru pe care nu l-am știut până acum a fost faptul că trăsăturile de carcater nu se transmit genetic. De secole se propagă ideea că temperamentul unui copil determină îngrijirea lui de către părinți, nu viceversa. Asta pentru mine a fost wow, adică tiparele de creștere influențează ceea ce devii sau ajungi tu, nu genele pe care le primești de la părinți.
Printre aceste tipare se regăsește: abuzul emoțional, abuzul fizic, ascultarea din frică a părinților, persecuțiile, părinții autoritari, etc., lipsesc cu desăvârșire dragostea necondiționată, educația cu blândețe și sănătatea emoțională.
Nu devii alcoolic pentru că așa au fost părinții tăi, IQ-ul nu se transmite genetic, talentele la fel, totul e pe muncă, efort asumat, mediu armonios și felul în care ai fost crescut de părinți.
Pare ireal și incredibil, dar sunt proiecte și studii științifice care demonstrează asta. Apoi, sunt copii care rup tiparul primit de la părinți, e dificil, dar nu e imposibil. Am rămas foarte fascinată de conținutul acestei cărți. Acum câți o să credă ce e dincolo de coperțile ei, e altă mâncare de pește, spor să aveți :)
Multe lucruri am aflat noi și care par ireale, la prima vedere, dar au logică și par mai mult decât verosimile.
Un lucru pe care nu l-am știut până acum a fost faptul că trăsăturile de carcater nu se transmit genetic. De secole se propagă ideea că temperamentul unui copil determină îngrijirea lui de către părinți, nu viceversa. Asta pentru mine a fost wow, adică tiparele de creștere influențează ceea ce devii sau ajungi tu, nu genele pe care le primești de la părinți.
Printre aceste tipare se regăsește: abuzul emoțional, abuzul fizic, ascultarea din frică a părinților, persecuțiile, părinții autoritari, etc., lipsesc cu desăvârșire dragostea necondiționată, educația cu blândețe și sănătatea emoțională.
Nu devii alcoolic pentru că așa au fost părinții tăi, IQ-ul nu se transmite genetic, talentele la fel, totul e pe muncă, efort asumat, mediu armonios și felul în care ai fost crescut de părinți.
Pare ireal și incredibil, dar sunt proiecte și studii științifice care demonstrează asta. Apoi, sunt copii care rup tiparul primit de la părinți, e dificil, dar nu e imposibil. Am rămas foarte fascinată de conținutul acestei cărți. Acum câți o să credă ce e dincolo de coperțile ei, e altă mâncare de pește, spor să aveți :)
July 8, 2022
O carte foarte bună, deși cred ca pentru părinți ar putea fi greu de digerat pe alocuri, pentru ca autorul pune destul de multă presiune si e foarte categoric. Eu cred ca situația nu e doar alb sau negru si ca e o munca permanenta la a lucra cu tine si a fi bine, sunt momente si momente- iar asta se vede si in felul in care ne creștem copiii. Totuși, e important de plecat la drum măcar cu ideea ca nu genele ne dau personalitatea sau înclinația spre succes/eșec, ci felul in care suntem crescuți, iubiti si acceptați de părinții noștri. Oglindim tot ceea ce sunt ei si e important ca imaginea sa fie una sănătoasa. “It’s not nature, but nurture.”
October 31, 2016
This was a very interesting and informing read, regarding the role of parenting and multiple non-genetic factors in a child behavior and mental development.
March 24, 2018
Interesting concept. But, I’m not entirely convinced. Where are the primary sources?
Wasn’t a fan of the stories of celebrities...why not stick to ordinary people
Wasn’t a fan of the stories of celebrities...why not stick to ordinary people
March 3, 2019
I’m a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating PTSD, and a voracious reader of scientific journal articles and pop psychology books/articles alike. I especially enjoy reading self-help books, both for personal growth and to identify resources that might be helpful to my patients. I’m also infertile, and will likely be growing my family through adoption and/or egg/sperm donation.
For all of these reasons I was very interested in - and really wanted to like - this book. It would be comforting to my patients to know that they aren’t destined to repeat their parents’ mistakes, and it would be comforting to me to believe that my future children could be more like me than their biological parents.
Despite all of these reasons to buy-in to James’ premise, I found that this is one of very few books that I simply couldn’t finish. In the very first chapter, James goes on a bizarre rant against cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which demonstrates a gross misunderstanding (or purposeful misrepresentation) of the science and practice:
“Given the strength of the evidence that mental illness is largely caused by maltreatment, it is bizarre that practitioners of CBT are explicitly required to steer patients away from their childhood memories. The CBT theory ignores causes, forcefully teaching practitioners to concentrate only on how thoughts are causing symptoms.”
CBT therapists focus on challenging maladaptive thoughts (“cognitive distortions” or “stuck points”) in order to help our clients move forward and feel better. This does not preclude a discussion of early life experiences; in fact, it requires it. In session, it is often my clients who want to “put the past behind them,” while I encourage them to revisit painful childhood memories in order to better understand the origin of their current thought patterns and behaviors. It is this understanding that allows us to successfully challenge unhealthy thought patterns and subsequently improve overall functioning.
Although James’ list of scientific references and appendices appears impressive, if his interpretation of CBT is this far off, how can his interpretation of the (arguably, more complex) science of genetics be trusted?
For all of these reasons I was very interested in - and really wanted to like - this book. It would be comforting to my patients to know that they aren’t destined to repeat their parents’ mistakes, and it would be comforting to me to believe that my future children could be more like me than their biological parents.
Despite all of these reasons to buy-in to James’ premise, I found that this is one of very few books that I simply couldn’t finish. In the very first chapter, James goes on a bizarre rant against cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which demonstrates a gross misunderstanding (or purposeful misrepresentation) of the science and practice:
“Given the strength of the evidence that mental illness is largely caused by maltreatment, it is bizarre that practitioners of CBT are explicitly required to steer patients away from their childhood memories. The CBT theory ignores causes, forcefully teaching practitioners to concentrate only on how thoughts are causing symptoms.”
CBT therapists focus on challenging maladaptive thoughts (“cognitive distortions” or “stuck points”) in order to help our clients move forward and feel better. This does not preclude a discussion of early life experiences; in fact, it requires it. In session, it is often my clients who want to “put the past behind them,” while I encourage them to revisit painful childhood memories in order to better understand the origin of their current thought patterns and behaviors. It is this understanding that allows us to successfully challenge unhealthy thought patterns and subsequently improve overall functioning.
Although James’ list of scientific references and appendices appears impressive, if his interpretation of CBT is this far off, how can his interpretation of the (arguably, more complex) science of genetics be trusted?
March 3, 2016
“Not In Your Genes” written by psychologist Oliver James is a book packed with case histories. Some are based on clients author has worked with and in these cases, while others are based on emails and subsequent phone or Skype conversations he has had with people who contacted him and who have also given permission for their use.
James also uses famous people to exemplify points he is making. You will find story of Paula Yates and her daughter Peaches Geldof and some other famous examples, mostly based on biographies and autobiographies. The author emphasizes that as in his previous books, these psychobiographical examples are based on reliable sources, like the famous people’s own accounts of their fives, and in some cases, his own personal experience from working with them, or interviews he did with them. In using psychobiography, he is following the tradition developed by Sigmund Freud and Lytton Strachey, hoping to engage the reader through famous people with whom they may feel they already have some kind of relationship, through the media, or their artistic or scientific creations.
Human beings have the longest period of dependence on their parents for survival of any species. Whereas most mammals are independent after a few weeks or months, humans require five years. For that reason, humans start off highly attuned to our main carers, hoping to attract their loving and material resources. We may die, emotionally as well as literally, if we do not.
The latest evidence from the Human Genome Project is proving that it is not genes which make psychological traits run in families. There are physical traits that pass down genetically, like height, looks and eye color, but it now seems very much as if variations in things like mental illness, smartness or shyness, have little or nothing to do with the sequences of DNA which pass from parent to child.
Rather, it is proven that patterns of nurture make us like our parents and grandparents: what travels down the generations are precise kinds of bickering, humor, snide asides, delicious food preparation, beatings, hugging, short-temperedness.
You are like you are because you were related to by both your parents in very particular ways, good and bad. When you have children, you are liable to do exactly the same, or something similar, in many respects, or else react against it.
How you were cared for, especially in early life, was critical. This, in turn, was caused by the way your parents were cared for, all the way back to your grandparents and beyond. The best evidence suggests that nine out of ten maltreated children develop a mental illness as adults. Seventy per cent of maltreated children become maltreating parents themselves.
Much nurture is positive, the love and sensitivity, the teaching of skills, the intimacy. But in almost all families, there are toxic patterns. The implication is that we do not have to go on repeating the past.
Genes enable almost all of us to acquire language. But which one we speak is wholly dependent on the one we are taught by our parents and society. The same way, nearly all of us have the potential for psychological characteristics like liveliness, intelligence or depression, but the extent to which we develop them and in precisely what way depends largely, or completely, on nurture.
Though I finished it an hour ago and my impressions are still fresh, “Not In Your Genes” written by Oliver James is book you must read if you are interested in psychology, especially children’s.
James also uses famous people to exemplify points he is making. You will find story of Paula Yates and her daughter Peaches Geldof and some other famous examples, mostly based on biographies and autobiographies. The author emphasizes that as in his previous books, these psychobiographical examples are based on reliable sources, like the famous people’s own accounts of their fives, and in some cases, his own personal experience from working with them, or interviews he did with them. In using psychobiography, he is following the tradition developed by Sigmund Freud and Lytton Strachey, hoping to engage the reader through famous people with whom they may feel they already have some kind of relationship, through the media, or their artistic or scientific creations.
Human beings have the longest period of dependence on their parents for survival of any species. Whereas most mammals are independent after a few weeks or months, humans require five years. For that reason, humans start off highly attuned to our main carers, hoping to attract their loving and material resources. We may die, emotionally as well as literally, if we do not.
The latest evidence from the Human Genome Project is proving that it is not genes which make psychological traits run in families. There are physical traits that pass down genetically, like height, looks and eye color, but it now seems very much as if variations in things like mental illness, smartness or shyness, have little or nothing to do with the sequences of DNA which pass from parent to child.
Rather, it is proven that patterns of nurture make us like our parents and grandparents: what travels down the generations are precise kinds of bickering, humor, snide asides, delicious food preparation, beatings, hugging, short-temperedness.
You are like you are because you were related to by both your parents in very particular ways, good and bad. When you have children, you are liable to do exactly the same, or something similar, in many respects, or else react against it.
How you were cared for, especially in early life, was critical. This, in turn, was caused by the way your parents were cared for, all the way back to your grandparents and beyond. The best evidence suggests that nine out of ten maltreated children develop a mental illness as adults. Seventy per cent of maltreated children become maltreating parents themselves.
Much nurture is positive, the love and sensitivity, the teaching of skills, the intimacy. But in almost all families, there are toxic patterns. The implication is that we do not have to go on repeating the past.
Genes enable almost all of us to acquire language. But which one we speak is wholly dependent on the one we are taught by our parents and society. The same way, nearly all of us have the potential for psychological characteristics like liveliness, intelligence or depression, but the extent to which we develop them and in precisely what way depends largely, or completely, on nurture.
Though I finished it an hour ago and my impressions are still fresh, “Not In Your Genes” written by Oliver James is book you must read if you are interested in psychology, especially children’s.
May 25, 2017
The good: Oliver James writes well, weaving anecdotes, research and opinion into a very entertaining read. He seems to have done his homework regarding research and listening to differing opinions.
The bad: I constantly got the impression that he took one or two facts and stretched them to the extreme in order to support his opinion. It felt dishonest. The stretching felt particularly fake when talking about intelligence. Seriously, Mr. James, you haven't met any child who is simply a faster learner and hungry for knowledge, despite having normal parents and no pressure or conditional love at home?
The ugly: how willing the author is to put the blame for everything (hell, even autism!) on bad parenting. No, Mr. James, parents are not omnipotent.
I'm still glad to have read the book, as it gave me several good ideas and inspiration for better parenting as well as self-improvement. Only time will tell where the truth regarding nature vs nurture defining psychological traits is, but I suspect it's somewhere in the middle, or as Matt Ridley would say, in nature via nurture.
"Assuming there's a fixed difficultness in a baby, toddler and child has been shown to greatly increase the risk of becoming authoritarian to the point of abusive. Greater harshness results, with higher rates of depression in the parent, because they fell helpless in the face of an intransigent, unchangeable 'demon'. Lack of empathy with the child is fueled by assuming they are willfully being bad."
"Lack of parental warmth at all ages makes the child more liable to be aggressive, so does parental hostility and aggression. The studies prove that difficult children are likely to have had parents who try to control them through 'coercive' parenting. Instead of staying calm and using gentle persuasion, the parents try to force their children to obey them."
The bad: I constantly got the impression that he took one or two facts and stretched them to the extreme in order to support his opinion. It felt dishonest. The stretching felt particularly fake when talking about intelligence. Seriously, Mr. James, you haven't met any child who is simply a faster learner and hungry for knowledge, despite having normal parents and no pressure or conditional love at home?
The ugly: how willing the author is to put the blame for everything (hell, even autism!) on bad parenting. No, Mr. James, parents are not omnipotent.
I'm still glad to have read the book, as it gave me several good ideas and inspiration for better parenting as well as self-improvement. Only time will tell where the truth regarding nature vs nurture defining psychological traits is, but I suspect it's somewhere in the middle, or as Matt Ridley would say, in nature via nurture.
"Assuming there's a fixed difficultness in a baby, toddler and child has been shown to greatly increase the risk of becoming authoritarian to the point of abusive. Greater harshness results, with higher rates of depression in the parent, because they fell helpless in the face of an intransigent, unchangeable 'demon'. Lack of empathy with the child is fueled by assuming they are willfully being bad."
"Lack of parental warmth at all ages makes the child more liable to be aggressive, so does parental hostility and aggression. The studies prove that difficult children are likely to have had parents who try to control them through 'coercive' parenting. Instead of staying calm and using gentle persuasion, the parents try to force their children to obey them."
May 15, 2017
Whilst this was really interesting I'm left wondering where it should sit on the spectrum of non-fiction: social commentary? Opinion? Psychology? The author presents his viewpoint clearly and cites several scholarly sources but includes no primary research. I personally felt that the space devoted to celebrity stories was just included to boost readership with no real evidentiary benefit. That said, the book has encouraged me to rethink my style of parenting and read further around the subject. The tabloid lover in me also enjoyed his take on Tiger Woods etc
May 13, 2019
Absolutely awful book, it seems the author has set out to send parents on a guilt trip! The message from this book is that if your child suffers any mental health issues at all, it is down to poor parenting. If a child strives to do well as an elite athlete or talented performer, it’s because love has been made conditional upon their performance. Written in a patronising, negative tone.
June 21, 2016
Pretty Interesting and thought provoking read
This book make me rethink a lot of ideas previously held on mental illness and also substantiated my own views and our role as parents in our children's lives.
This book make me rethink a lot of ideas previously held on mental illness and also substantiated my own views and our role as parents in our children's lives.
April 30, 2017
I don't know enough of the science behind this, but as someone who suffers, and knows others who suffer, from mental illness, I take offense. It was "damned if you do, damned if you don't" and I'm not surprised that the ladies in my bookclub who are mothers were also up in arms about this!
April 23, 2016
My long review of this very interesting book was LOST thanks to a crappy internet connection.
I just don't have the energy to try and rewrite it...
I just don't have the energy to try and rewrite it...
December 31, 2022
Although I bought the book for one purpose - to read an alternative view on genetics and autistic kids. Since my first kid is in this category, I wanted to know what the chances are for the same diagnose in my future kids. Chapter 4 was the most useful for this purpose, and for me, this was the most useful part of this book. Hence, this is the reason for two stars instead of one.
In short, the book is mainly based on singular clinical cases from the past of the author's practice. Even worse, the author is building his conclusions and findings on the lives of famous people - Tiger Woods, Woody Allen and so on and this is definitively not compelling when trying to prove such a hard point to prove. The battle between nurture vs nature proponents is very old and charged with political ideology, so it is very hard to find sources that are truly searching for the truth and not just pushing an agenda. I guess, and I am not an expert in genetics or psychiatry, that the balanced way of examining this issue of why we are the way we are and what factors influence our final personality is the best. At least, this is what I got from reading other authors, like Pinker, for example. I am not an advocate for any of the extreme views - either that the genes are deciding our fate or, like the author of the book, thinks it is the opposite (citing the author, "it's the environment, stupid") - because scientific articles on this field are playing with numbers when talking about genetics and personality (different publications are talking about 20%-60% of influence) and I am inclined to trust these sources more than a book that "tastes" as pop science more. I think a great way to write on this subject is to have a geneticist on board because the author, for me, is a typical case of confirmation bias - he sees only what it is comfortable for him to see instead of looking for the truth. In simple words, "when you are a hammer, all you see around is nails". Even worse, the author is preaching more than providing evidence. At one point, he is ordering basically parents of adopted kids to make it impossible for these kids to get to know their biological parents. My daughter is adopted when she was two years of age, and I disagree with the point of view. I preferred to be truthful to my daughter, and the earlier you talk about this, the easier it is for the kid to go through and digest the information.
In conclusion, it is an interesting topic, and I took note of the view of the author, but the structure of the book is very unconvincing, and the style of the author is often aggressive towards fellow scientists that have a different view. It is more a political treatise than a scientific publication. I know that is much easier to believe the ideas in the book; it is a beautiful lie, and the ugly truth is never popular.
In short, the book is mainly based on singular clinical cases from the past of the author's practice. Even worse, the author is building his conclusions and findings on the lives of famous people - Tiger Woods, Woody Allen and so on and this is definitively not compelling when trying to prove such a hard point to prove. The battle between nurture vs nature proponents is very old and charged with political ideology, so it is very hard to find sources that are truly searching for the truth and not just pushing an agenda. I guess, and I am not an expert in genetics or psychiatry, that the balanced way of examining this issue of why we are the way we are and what factors influence our final personality is the best. At least, this is what I got from reading other authors, like Pinker, for example. I am not an advocate for any of the extreme views - either that the genes are deciding our fate or, like the author of the book, thinks it is the opposite (citing the author, "it's the environment, stupid") - because scientific articles on this field are playing with numbers when talking about genetics and personality (different publications are talking about 20%-60% of influence) and I am inclined to trust these sources more than a book that "tastes" as pop science more. I think a great way to write on this subject is to have a geneticist on board because the author, for me, is a typical case of confirmation bias - he sees only what it is comfortable for him to see instead of looking for the truth. In simple words, "when you are a hammer, all you see around is nails". Even worse, the author is preaching more than providing evidence. At one point, he is ordering basically parents of adopted kids to make it impossible for these kids to get to know their biological parents. My daughter is adopted when she was two years of age, and I disagree with the point of view. I preferred to be truthful to my daughter, and the earlier you talk about this, the easier it is for the kid to go through and digest the information.
In conclusion, it is an interesting topic, and I took note of the view of the author, but the structure of the book is very unconvincing, and the style of the author is often aggressive towards fellow scientists that have a different view. It is more a political treatise than a scientific publication. I know that is much easier to believe the ideas in the book; it is a beautiful lie, and the ugly truth is never popular.
July 26, 2024
Revelatoare din multe puncte de vedere al parentingului, dar în același timp foarte demoralizantă ca părinți sau viitori părinți. Cu toate că a avut și câteva momente în care vorbea și despre efectele pozitive ale unei iubiri necondiționate arătate copiilor, majoritar autorul scrie despre toate bolile mintale care apar în urma maltratării în copilărie (și asta include chiar și neglijarea copilului).
Personal, biografiile extrem de detaliate a atâtor celebrități mi s-au părut că au încărcat nenecesar cartea cu informații care nu au ajutat neapărat la explicația intenționată în final de autor.
Totuși, sunt de acord că modul în care ne creștem copiii au o influență extrem de mare asupra adulților care vor deveni.
Mi-a plăcut și concluzia cu care a terminat “în loc să lăsăm moștenire copiilor noștri averi și terenuri, mai bine ne-am concentra să le lăsăm moștenire iubire și sănătate emoțională” - concluzie cu care rezonez. Bineînțeles că e fain să-ți susții copilul financiar, însă daca asta se întâmplă în detrimentul afecțiunii si al iubirii pe care i-o arăți, atunci poate ar merita să ne regândim prioritățile și perspectivele.
Personal, biografiile extrem de detaliate a atâtor celebrități mi s-au părut că au încărcat nenecesar cartea cu informații care nu au ajutat neapărat la explicația intenționată în final de autor.
Totuși, sunt de acord că modul în care ne creștem copiii au o influență extrem de mare asupra adulților care vor deveni.
Mi-a plăcut și concluzia cu care a terminat “în loc să lăsăm moștenire copiilor noștri averi și terenuri, mai bine ne-am concentra să le lăsăm moștenire iubire și sănătate emoțională” - concluzie cu care rezonez. Bineînțeles că e fain să-ți susții copilul financiar, însă daca asta se întâmplă în detrimentul afecțiunii si al iubirii pe care i-o arăți, atunci poate ar merita să ne regândim prioritățile și perspectivele.
October 2, 2018
Воспитание, а не гены делают из нас нас. Множество примеров и исследований о том, что, как и почему. Полезно прочесть всем, кто ищет ответ на вопрос, почему я такой, и что дать своему ребенку
November 24, 2020
Good book.
August 15, 2022
Interesting read. Ultimately I agree that a lot of things that we once thought were hereditary are in fact the result of our environment and nurture. However, sometimes I thought the extrapolations in regards to the celebrities he closely examined were slightly far fetched but I think the overall point was mostly true.
March 2, 2018
I could say quite a lot about this book, but I’ll keep is short for my own sanity’s sake. I related to a huge about of this book, and I’ve always been a nurture over nature person so it was like reading a manifesto for my experiences and beliefs. Even if you didn’t experience much maltreatment as a child, it’s a great read.
I was never really interested in science as a kid, but as an adult, I’m thrilled by popular science books. If that’s also your thing, then I’d definitely recommend this.
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I was never really interested in science as a kid, but as an adult, I’m thrilled by popular science books. If that’s also your thing, then I’d definitely recommend this.
See more reviews on www.littlegreenteapot.co.uk
December 8, 2017
I loved it. We have the same attitude to parenting.
April 17, 2018
Excellent on the basics and on debunking genes and biological determinism, but does not go very much beyond that, since most of the book is about psychiatry and has been dumbed down a bit too much
January 19, 2019
All educational psychologists should read this, and stop colluding with the psychiatrists.
December 4, 2023
Hi,
I hope all is progressing well.
Not In Your Genes: The real reasons children are like their parents by Oliver James mainly concerns concepts of nature vs. nature through qualitative, quantitative, and anecdotal explorations. Upon entering an Internom, I find myself browsing many books of interest. I decide to buy then read Not In Your Genes: The real reasons children are like their parents by Oliver James because I like to read contexts of the sort to identify a/ way(s) to improve life personally (with myself) and with a/ potential relationship(s) (especially considering my future family). I find the text thoroughly uncovering—expounding—research to enlighten informatively a/ measure(s) one may take to heal long-term from trauma aside from (though reasonably inclusive of) a good therapist. I like the seemingly apparent transparency of the author to inform readers appropriately (with research formatting etiquette). I find the text clear to read due to the organization of the context(s) (at large). I'm a firm believer in self-culturing/nurturing: I find the author's research to be very valuable, not only for self-help though for other- and self-understandings (as well as a wonderful resource for any responsible for building a relationship with another—who isn't responsible even partially for how a relationship may develop?) especially considering an/ adult-child relationship(s).
I like the research being honest challenging (if not debunking, scientifically) other scientific research in the fields of concern to guide one's awareness appropriately—responsibly seemingly understanding the importance of raising—developing—a good society (at large) while informing (elevating, in my opinion) fields of research. Raising—developing—an individual, a family, a self, is not wholly up to chance more so than choice. I find other texts exploring epigenetics and Psychoneuroimmunology (It Didn't Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn, Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon by Dr. Joe Dispenza, The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs That Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success by Dr. Mario Martinez) in a/ way(s) that can broaden one's horizons about self-culturing/nurturing toward one's ideal self(ves)—practically—quite interesting especially considering contexts of concepts (scientifically) of nature vs. nurture from within Not In Your Genes: The real reasons children are like their parents by Oliver James.
Onward and Upward,
Kevin Dufresne
www.Piatures.com
IG: @Dufreshest
I hope all is progressing well.
Not In Your Genes: The real reasons children are like their parents by Oliver James mainly concerns concepts of nature vs. nature through qualitative, quantitative, and anecdotal explorations. Upon entering an Internom, I find myself browsing many books of interest. I decide to buy then read Not In Your Genes: The real reasons children are like their parents by Oliver James because I like to read contexts of the sort to identify a/ way(s) to improve life personally (with myself) and with a/ potential relationship(s) (especially considering my future family). I find the text thoroughly uncovering—expounding—research to enlighten informatively a/ measure(s) one may take to heal long-term from trauma aside from (though reasonably inclusive of) a good therapist. I like the seemingly apparent transparency of the author to inform readers appropriately (with research formatting etiquette). I find the text clear to read due to the organization of the context(s) (at large). I'm a firm believer in self-culturing/nurturing: I find the author's research to be very valuable, not only for self-help though for other- and self-understandings (as well as a wonderful resource for any responsible for building a relationship with another—who isn't responsible even partially for how a relationship may develop?) especially considering an/ adult-child relationship(s).
I like the research being honest challenging (if not debunking, scientifically) other scientific research in the fields of concern to guide one's awareness appropriately—responsibly seemingly understanding the importance of raising—developing—a good society (at large) while informing (elevating, in my opinion) fields of research. Raising—developing—an individual, a family, a self, is not wholly up to chance more so than choice. I find other texts exploring epigenetics and Psychoneuroimmunology (It Didn't Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn, Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon by Dr. Joe Dispenza, The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs That Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success by Dr. Mario Martinez) in a/ way(s) that can broaden one's horizons about self-culturing/nurturing toward one's ideal self(ves)—practically—quite interesting especially considering contexts of concepts (scientifically) of nature vs. nurture from within Not In Your Genes: The real reasons children are like their parents by Oliver James.
Onward and Upward,
Kevin Dufresne
www.Piatures.com
IG: @Dufreshest
July 14, 2017
The data is presented in an easygoing way, and the argument against genes for personality is clear and convincing. On the negative side James is very dismissive of the physical attributes which are genetically determined and do have an impact on who you are (physical beauty, athleticism, health conditions) and how others respond to you. Also on the negative side I dislike all the name dropping - they are not just famous people, they are famous people James knows - and the insistence that somehow just talking things over with a therapist such as James (with whom you cannot help yourself falling in love, yuck) will solve all the problems. An interesting read, but the author's ego grates.
August 6, 2018
At times a very difficult book to read - inasmuch as the underlying message is that we as parents are responsible for our childrens' mental health, and that to understand where we might be making errors we need to analyse our own childhoods. Whilst I didn't find myself agreeing with every single point made, it was very much food for thought and certainly made some excellent points on the media's influence on our views on genetics and mental health, as well as broader points about parenting. The evidence given is very clear and James writes incredibly well. It is not intended as a guilt trip for parents, I don't think, although it certainly feels that way at times!
December 21, 2017
4 stars.
What an intriguing read outlining that raising children is not DNA or Gene based, but transgenerational behaviour based.
The book gives great constructive advice on positive parenting styles and techniques.
Although the book may appear aimed at parents, I think this also has benefits for siblings and wider family members.
Of note is the authors regular referencing of other books in the series, but that actually is a benefit.
Nature vs Nuture great stuff.
What an intriguing read outlining that raising children is not DNA or Gene based, but transgenerational behaviour based.
The book gives great constructive advice on positive parenting styles and techniques.
Although the book may appear aimed at parents, I think this also has benefits for siblings and wider family members.
Of note is the authors regular referencing of other books in the series, but that actually is a benefit.
Nature vs Nuture great stuff.
June 21, 2022
4,5✨
A fost o lectură de la care aveam mari așteptări prin prisma subiectului. Pot să spun că nu m-a dezamăgit deloc. Am aflat și lucruri noi, interesante.
Cred că e mult mai potrivită pentru (viitori) părinți pentru că demontează veșnicul mit conform căruia genele sunt de vină pentru cum se comportă copilul (spoiler: creșterea e) și pentru bolile mintale ale acestuia.
Am scăzut din notă pentru că unele idei se repetau și devenea obositor la un moment dat să citesc același lucru reformulat.
A fost o lectură de la care aveam mari așteptări prin prisma subiectului. Pot să spun că nu m-a dezamăgit deloc. Am aflat și lucruri noi, interesante.
Cred că e mult mai potrivită pentru (viitori) părinți pentru că demontează veșnicul mit conform căruia genele sunt de vină pentru cum se comportă copilul (spoiler: creșterea e) și pentru bolile mintale ale acestuia.
Am scăzut din notă pentru că unele idei se repetau și devenea obositor la un moment dat să citesc același lucru reformulat.
June 27, 2022
Wrote notes and underlined nearly all of this book.
Made me want to continue educating myself in child rearing because it gave me great hope that my child's personality is basically determined by what we, parents, cultivate, not by preordained genetic factors.
After finishing, however, I was curious what his critics said too. It appears much more research is needed before firmly drawing the conclusions that our author does so vehemently in favor of nurture.
Made me want to continue educating myself in child rearing because it gave me great hope that my child's personality is basically determined by what we, parents, cultivate, not by preordained genetic factors.
After finishing, however, I was curious what his critics said too. It appears much more research is needed before firmly drawing the conclusions that our author does so vehemently in favor of nurture.
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