My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward

by Mark Lukach

Mark and Giulia’s life together began as a storybook romance. They fell in love at eighteen, married at twenty-four, and were living their dream life in San Francisco. When Giulia was twenty-seven, she suffered a terrifying and unexpected psychotic break that landed her in the psych ward for nearly a month. One day she was vibrant and well-adjusted; the next she was delusional and suicidal, convinced that her loved ones were not safe.

A story of the fragility of the mind and the tenacity of the human spirit, My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward is, above all, a love story that raises profound questions: How do we care for the people we love? What and whom do we live for?

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Biography, Audiobook, Book Club

320 pages, ebook

First published May 2, 2017

Reviews

[Mischenko · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the past I've dealt with my own mental health issues, mainly after developing a thyroid disorder and after having children. It isn't easy and in my opinion isn't taken seriously enough. Many medical professionals are less than compassionate and often times family members look at it as a weakness and feeling that it's crippling to their own lives as if the actual person with the disease chooses to be ill. The mentally affected person's life stops, while everyone else expects to move on with their own. With that said, I had mixed feelings about this memoir and possibly because it's one sided, from the caregivers perspective. Although, I personally have never been in Mark's shoes and haven't had to deal with a person with a disorder like Giulia is experiencing. 

*This review may contain some mild spoilers*

My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward is a memoir written by a husband who is dealing with mental illness for the first time. Early in his marriage his wife suddenly develops a mental disorder originally diagnosed as Schizophrenia but later re-diagnosed as Bipolar disorder. She spends about a month in a hospital while doctors try to figure out what's wrong. During this time, her husband Mark is dealing with a range of emotions including sadness, confusion, anger and many more. As Giulia is started on medications, everything is up in the air and Mark is left to wonder what their future holds. 

Parts of this memoir were hard to read, while others were heartwarming. You can feel the love that Mark has for Giulia, but as anger sets in, things begin to change for their relationship--he begins to resent her as time moves on from her first hospitalization. This is where I began to have some mixed feelings. There were events taking place in the relationship where they were falling away from each other and everything became uncertain. Was he giving up? It almost seemed as though Mark was becoming more distracted and couldn't deal with it anymore. Again, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for him and certainly can't judge, but it seemed like he just wasn't understanding that the illness wasn't Giulia's fault. She had no way to stop it and she was very scared as well. With their mutual decision to have a child (Jona), things became more complicated and even with the overwhelming support of both wonderful families (which I thought was amazing), it wasn't enough. Giulia would be dealing with a lifelong illness which could potentially affect everyone in her life. 

I thought the book was written very well. I was engrossed from cover to cover and I'm glad to have read it. I commend Mark for the courage to tell their story and the strength to hang on through all the ups and downs. I hope that as time moves on, Giulia's illness will improve, and Mark and Giulia can enjoy their marriage and child. 

4****

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[Petra X · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm out of sync here. Everyone loves the book except me. The story is of how a husband adapts his life to that of his bi-polar psychotic wife who is suicidal when depressed and needs hospitalising. He is so traumatised by his wife, Gulia's first psychotic episode that he has to take 3 months off work as a teacher, and thereafter the rest of the book details just how much time he and his wife take off work. I'm amazed that either of them kept their jobs. The US must have very generous sick leave terms (but considering how it doesn't seem to have a mandatory minimum vacation leave, perhaps people just go sick?)

I was bored with Giulia who was either psychotic (not in interesting ways as in described in Operators and Things: The Inner Life of a Schizophrenic), depressed or slightly manic. She was only described in terms of illness or wellness. Everything she did was together with her husband, she seemed to be a strong personality not a weak person, but other than being assertive (nasty) when she was sick, and a not-very-involved mother I don't know who she was.

The father, the author, probably wasn't quite the wimp he made himself out to be. He very much wanted to be a house-husband and main carer of his son, but was unable to be and had to have his mother or mother-in-law (whom he called Suoc as a pet-name derived from the Italian for MIL) to help do the laundry, cooking and other household chores even before he and his wife had a child. She annoyed him by "ironing his boxer" ie interfering around the house, but what did he expect, she didn't have much to do but keep house for two adults and visit her sectioned daughter?

When he and his wife have a child, during one of her periods of stability, he immediately becomes a house-husband and main carer of the little boy. When his wife has to go hospital during two more psychotic breaks, he has to have his mother or "Suoc" come to help out. His mother has to fly in from Japan to San Francisco to do her turn! Why is it that so many women look after kids by themselves but so many men need help? I was a single mother but my ex needed the help of his sisters with the kids. Neither he nor they could envisage he could actually manage the house and the children and get them off to school in clean clothes with lunch before going to work All By Himself.

The author, Mark, was emotionally unstable because it was so difficult to adjust to either visiting his wife in hospital or caring for her at home. His only real hobby seems to have been surfing. Again not a rounded character. If I met either Mark or Giulia for coffee I wouldn't know what they looked like other than she is dark and has glasses, nor what I know what to say beyond 'How are you?" which in the circumstances might be a leading and unwelcome question.

So what I got from the book is that if you love someone with a lifelong psychosis that might flare up at any time (or might not, ever again) you have to be prepared to adjust your life to living around it and hope that one of you when either well or not needed for caring duties, can get jobs with good medical insurance and high pay so that when times are bad, at least financially you are ok.

I don't know what kept me reading this book. When I got to the end I was really surprised. She was well, the kid was well, the father was well, so nothing to say.... bye. Then the credits. Oh.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s very hard to stop thinking about this story.....
Ruthless- Brutally Honest -
AT SOME POINT ....not too far into this memoir....I COULD NO LONGER PULL MYSELF AWAY.

It’s GUT WRENCHING....on so many different levels.
It’s not only an inside look at the onset of a psychotic breakdown- a full blown breakdown- the realities of suffering - ( frustration- fear - grief- anger- resentments - remorse- hopelessness- etc. on the caretaker), but this book exposes imperfections - complications- and limitations with mental health care hospitalization itself.
I was cringing several times: for example when it was ‘clear’ that Giulia needed to be hospitalized ( each time was the ‘same’ story) - she had to wait until they found a hospital where there was an opening for her.
Kaiser Hospital in SF doesn’t have their own psyche ward- so they must use other hospitals in the Bay Area. One of the hospitals was over an hour drive away. I FELT ANGRY WITH MARK- Giulia’s husband. He loved his wife - wanted to visit her ( only an hour a day during visiting hours) - but his drive was longer each way. Plus he had to find childcare for his young son ‘under’ the age of a year. VERY STRESSFUL daily life!!! Plus, the real worry and concern that his relationship of love and equal compassion would never be the same. HIS LIFE WAS OVER AS IT ONCE WAS.

There were so many trial and errors with medication - and proper diagnosis.
In the meantime - Mark couldn’t find out what was happening to his wife ‘unless’ she signed papers saying he had permission.

Like I said earlier: This memoir is GUT WRENCHING ON *MANY* LEVELS........(but our awareness and compassion expands from reading it).

THIS BOOK MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT HAVING A GOOD HONEST CONVERSATION WITH YOUR OWN SPOUSE— for ANY needed lengthy hospitalization- ( not ‘just’ mental illness).... YEARS AHEAD OF A NEED! - preventative talks!

......The book ‘cover’ almost kept me from reading this book. It’s too romantic looking at first glance. I’m not sure what ‘would’ represent this story better— but the book ‘cover’ isn’t balance accurately in my opinion.....being a little too rosy looking. This story is everything ‘but’ rosy.

.......My heart broke for Mark: husband, caretaker, father, dog owner, freelance writer, history teacher, fitness-athlete-guy.

.......If I’m honest - there were times when I just couldn’t stand Giulia.....
but then I felt bad: I know she was sick. ITS HARD TO LIKE SICK PEOPLE WHO GET MEAN WHEN SICK. Her illness had a life of its own. Nobody would choose to live with a mental illness - so yes- my heart goes out to her too. AND.....Giulia wasn’t always a mean-disease-machine.

.......Both sets of parents of Mark and Giulia were inspiring people to me. Supportive without being demanding and crossing boundaries. Great role models for in-laws.

.........There are lovely moments in this story too: not every moment is bleak.
MARK & GIULIA - remind us of the couple next door - wholesome - committed to their relationship - value family - their jobs - their shared love of travel - the beach - biking - soccer - surfing the gym- aerobic classes together — running- taking turns cooking and doing the dishes - playing with their dog- the incredible happiness in the birth of their son.
NOT ‘EXTREME’ FINANCIAL STRESS ( at least it didn’t seem to me)—-was a helpful.
BUT.......
The lives of Mark and Giulia will never be fully secure in knowing that ‘another’ psychotic breakdown could be around the corner again for Giulia.

Bless this couple - this family.

Real - raw - intimate - page turning - and a terrific contribution.
A gift!

HIGHLY RECOMMEND READING IT!

[Brenda ~The Sisters~Book Witch · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward gave me a different perspective that I have been searching for, the perspective of a caregiver of a loved one with a mental illness. Some understanding that as caregivers I am not alone in the feeling of being overwhelmed, exhausted, and frighten. Mark Lukach also gave me some understanding that maybe we can't beat mental illness but we can learn to live with it.

I highly recommend this beautiful, raw, honest, and hopeful memoir to caregivers of loved ones with a mental illness or for anyone wanting to understand what it is like for a caregiver of someone with a mental illness.

All of Norma’s and my reviews can be found on our sister blog:
http://www.twogirlslostinacouleereadi...

[emma · Rating 2 out of 5]

The only reason I read this was because it was trending as an Audible deal, and only cost $5 or something like that. But the only reason I was looking for an audiobook in the first place (they’re not my personal preference) is that I had a credit, so...taking advantage of a deal when I wouldn’t have to spend money anyway didn’t make sense.

Which is how I feel about myself reading this book.

I really love memoirs. They may be my favorite genre. They bring together some of my favorite things: stories and truth and people. The only thing better than a good story is a good true story.

(That’s my official pitch for the new slogan of memoirs.)

But I just don’t know that I cared for this one.

And that might be on me. To be honest, if I really considered this as “320 pages of a man’s perspective on his wife’s trauma,” I don’t think I would have been at all interested. And at times I just ran out of sympathy for Mark, who is often deeply judgmental of his wife and rude to the people around him. (He snaps on his mother in law for cleaning up his house and worrying about her daughter! He makes repeated lustful eye contact with and fantasizes about a hostess in a restaurant near the hospital his wife is being kept in against her will! He is OBSESSED with surfing to the point of debilitation! That last one is not as on topic, but still.)

Overall, I could not love this. Or even really appreciate it. Every person in this book is flatly presented, and despite being simultaneously controlling and not understanding, Mark often paints himself as pretty saintly. It is simply frustrating.

Bottom line: Yet another super unpopular opinion, but this was just not for me!

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my main takeaway from this is that listening to the audiobook narrator give his all to doing the voice and accent of every person with dialogue is unintentionally hilarious.

review to come / 3 stars

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with every passing day i come closer to reading exclusively memoirs

[Caroline · Rating 2 out of 5]

***SPOILERS HIDDEN***

Golden couple Mark and Giulia Lukach had a charmed life until one day the universe decided they had it too good and turned everything upside down. My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward is Mark Lukach’s heartrending story of how he coped when Giulia suddenly developed psychosis and was hospitalized for a long time after each psychotic break.

I was surprised to find that I struggled with how to feel about this memoir. I respect Lukach’s candor and feel deeply sorry for him. There’s treatment but no cure for psychosis, and the couple has to live on edge, always worrying that Giulia could have another psychotic break at any moment; however, as sorry as I felt for Lukach, I just didn’t like him that much. He’s not a bad person—and he obviously cherishes his wife—but his privilege during this horrible time screams off the pages without acknowledgement from him. That’s a problem, because by failing to address the helping hand of privilege, he squandered the chance to examine his situation more deeply and take his memoir to the next level.

There’s no denying that without certain advantages, Lukach wouldn’t have coped half as well as he did: He and his wife lived in San Francisco, a city with resources. After attending honorary-Ivy Georgetown University, they secured fulfilling, white-collar jobs that allowed them to build up a healthy savings. They had many loyal friends and loving, supportive family on both sides. Family members never hesitated to help, repeatedly flying from distant countries and staying for weeks. Lukach and Giulia were able to take an expensive, four-month vacation during a period of stability between her psychotic breaks. Most noteworthy is that both were able to stop working for a long time without losing any creature comforts. But the elephant in the room is the fact that they even could stop working. That’s something that needs to be noted, if for no other reason than as commentary on the relationship between social class and effective health care. Lukach used the word “lucky” two times or so but was blind to how his survival was rarely because of actual luck.

His book is easiest to like at the beginning, when his privilege isn’t as obvious and he’s more vulnerable. He recounted how he and Giulia met and what their lives were like as a young married couple before she developed psychosis and then directly after her first psychotic break. It’s good at the end, when he and Giulia humbly come to an acceptance of her illness and cast hopeful eyes toward the future. Where the memoir gets frustrating is in the middle, when Lukach sadly notes that the money they were saving for a house is dwindling. Some explanation feels missing here, because directly after saying that, he and Giulia go on the months-long vacation, apparently confident that she’ll be in the ten percent of psychosis sufferers that never relapse (and therefore not require long, expensive hospital stays). They were stressed beyond belief and needed relaxation, but that they took a trip this extravagant and involved, very far away from essential resources for Giulia, is flabbergasting.

The memoir takes a surprising turn when, during one of Giulia’s stable periods, she and Lukach decide to have a child (and have had another since the publishing of this book). This choice instantly raises several questions, but how the Lukaches decided isn’t explored. I wanted to know their thoughts on the logistics of childcare when one parent is gravely mentally ill, especially if Giulia were to end up hospitalized again which she was—twice. I also wanted to know whether they factored in the possibility of passing on a genetic predisposition for psychosis. I wondered whether they knew Giulia would be at increased risk of post-partum psychosis which she did develop, something that could endanger the life of her child and subsequently force the already-exhausted Lukach to be ever watchful. I didn’t understand how it’s feasible for psychosis sufferers to get pregnant to begin with when a healthy pregnancy requires that they stop the potent medication(s) controlling their illness. Lukach vividly detailed the tremendous difficulties they experienced after their son was born, but as he depicted the time leading up to their decision to have the kid, he made it sound as if they chose to on a whim, without any serious weighing of the pros and cons. That’s impossible to believe.

Fortunately, Lukach is an exemplary father who rose to the challenge of caring for their son. But this was done while struggling mightily to work a demanding job and also visit his wife in the psych ward. That level of intensity proved unsustainable. It’s in these parts that the help of family and friends is shown to be a necessity, not simply a lucky thing to have.

I can’t say I liked this book. It’s compelling, but it’s also never not absolutely devastating. Somehow, too, my inability to fully understand the Lukaches made the book even sadder. I constantly vacillated between judging their choices as unwise or illogical and then feeling guilty and mad at myself for judging these poor people. My heart bled for them while my mind was often puzzled. I assume Lukach wrote this for two reasons: one, as catharsis (which would induce sympathy in the reader) and two, to help those in a similar situation (which would make such people feel grateful and comforted). He didn’t write it to elicit criticism. But when opening up and being vulnerable, he shared things that may have been wise to not share. Perhaps detailing the expensive vacation should have been left out. The self-pity could have been worded so it didn’t make Lukach sound spoiled. He probably didn’t need to share that he raged at medical staff with some curse words and resented his grieving mother-in-law when she cleaned his house obsessively. I recognize, though, that the strongest argument in favor of including all this is to illustrate that Lukach is human, and humans in distress won’t be the best, most logical versions of themselves.

My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward is a slight memoir, confined to Lukach’s perspective, immersed in misery, and superficial in its lack of exploration. Psychosis remains misunderstood and heavily stigmatized, but although Lukach had some moments of introspection, he didn’t flesh out his journey in understanding the illness and then use that as a springboard to correct general misconceptions. In addition to acknowledgement of the role of privilege, he could have elaborated on something he barely touched on: his difficulty navigating the complex psychiatric health-care system. The book didn’t need to be on the level of Hidden Valley Road: Inside the Mind of an American Family, but Lukach missed so many opportunities to make his memoir speak to more readers and to make it weightier in general. Only those who’ve been in his shoes may feel the memoir is a must-read.

[Cori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a book snob. I admit it. I rip apart verbage, punctuation, pace, character arcs, you name it. I am critical.

I give this book five stars without batting an eye. I don't think people can possibly recognize how personally terrifying Mark's level of candor and transparency is. The courage it took for both him and Giulia to agree on publishing his memoir is staggering.

Mark's wife, Giulia, has her first psychotic break shortly after they are married. He shares the story of the struggles, victories, heartbreaks, and every other roller coaster of emotion they experience. And he doesn't pull punches.

Speaking from a place of professionalism and personal experience, this is one of the truest books and bravest books I've read. I am a psychiatric nurse. Additionally, my family has a rampant history of mental illness, both in my immediate and married family. He described the emotions and struggles of supporting a mentally ill loved one perfectly. These are the stories that will help defeat the stigma still wrapped around mental health. Terrifying. Yes. Loving and personal. Also yes.

The writing was raw. They didn't do everything right. No one does. They weren't perfect. They struggled, fought, and figured it out. But that's real. The book managed to pair the dark reality of mental illness with humor and heart warming moments that offered hope.

I cringed when he described the first unit Giulia was ever admitted to. What a hot mess. Granted, being it was her first experience in a psychiatric unit, fear of the unknown probably colored their perspective as well. But yikes. I cringed. Please, God, let that experience never happen to our patients.

My biggest critique for this book didn't come from the "story" or the "writing style." I felt a little frightened when he started talking about "antipsychiatry." I was thinking, "Please don't go there; please don't go there." BUT it pulled out of a nose dive and he actually described them going through a process I'm heavily in favor of. He called it "mad mapping" (a term I've never heard prior to this book). We actually call it a mental health advance directive and strongly encourage all our patients to plan it out when they are at their baseline. So my critique isn't actually a critique at all. Just professional musing.

Who should read this? Everybody. Absolutely everybody. Professionals- as a reminder of the perspective from the other side. The minute we lose our empathy and love for what we do, we need to quit. There is no room for impatient, bitter mental health providers in any unit. Family of those supporting a person with mental illness- you're not alone. This book is a comfort and pays homage to the courageous battle we fight every day. Those with mental illness- your battle is seen! Not only that, but it's enlightening to see the persective of a caregiver who questions their role in the health of their loved one. And maybe most importantly- the few people out there blessed enough to not have a clue. With the utmost respect, many of the comments I've seen for this book tell me who is blessed enough to still be naive to the reality of psychiatric units, sleepless nights with loved ones, need for FMLA, the list goes on and on. No one can hold that against anyone: you don't know what you don't know. But it's so important to recognize our knowledge gaps.

This book is important. Consider picking it up. I can vouch for the reality of everything written. From the psychiatric units and medications to the marital issues and stressors they faced.

I'd rate this a PG-13 for language and thematic content.

[Brandon Forsyth · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Scared to death, scared to look /
They shook."
- Mobb Deep, "Shook Ones Pt. II"

I'm trying to deflect how much this book affected me by starting off with a hip hop lyric, but it's actually the most appropriate way to review this book for me. It scared me.
I've been incredibly fortunate in my life in many ways. I am the product of unbelievable privilege. I have never had to deal with mental health in any substantial way, personally or amongst the people I care about. For that reason, the idea of a psychotic break (like the ones detailed in this book) is terrifying to me, even as I try to grapple with realizing the stigma I'm attaching to the issue. But this is truly the stuff of nightmares.
Mark Lukach and his wife Giulia deserve a mountain of credit for being so open and honest in the depiction of their relationship through some incredibly trying times. Neither of them come off as saints, and the book is at it's strongest when they detail the raw and real difficulties this condition imposed on them, even in the good times. That being said, some of their privilege makes mine look positively pauperish by comparison, and the fact that it's never really acknowledged in a meaningful way leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
In summary, really affecting, but not a truly great book. All of the people that I read this with for work agree that it will be a fantastic conversation starter for people unused to dealing with mental health, and I know it will help me have conversations about this that I otherwise wouldn't.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes a title of a book stands out and cries out to be read and for me this screamed “read me”

From the first page you get a deep sense that Giulia and Mark, are in a very loving relationship. When she gets a new job she doubts herself and isolates herself from Mark. This is the first chink in their relationship!!

I really felt for Mark having to watch the one you love slide into despair and not being able to help is soul destroying. This book beautifully dealt with mental health and the battles it entails. There is no quick fix, you have to learn how to individually deal with it as every situation is different.

This book will stay with me long after reading it, poignant and thought provoking!!

Thank you to netgalley for my copy In exchange for a review.

[Sarah Lumos · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a sucker for love stories, and “My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward” was no exception. As an aspiring allied health professional, memoirs about mental health and mental illness are invaluable to me. Sure, in school we learn about psychopathology, but we rarely cover the human side of mental disorders. Who is the person behind the diagnosis? What are they like outside the hospital walls? This year, I read some astounding memoirs by patients and medical professionals. But this was my first time reading about mental illness from a caregiver’s perspective. It made me realize how important books like this are. Illness is cruel. It does not just impact the patient. Illness carries with it a ripple effect.

Mark met Julia when he was just 18-years-old. He fell in love with her right away. Julia was impeccable - ambitious, stunning, and outgoing. He realized life was not perfect, but his time with Julia came pretty darn close to perfection. But everything changed after Julia had a psychotic breakdown. She started experiencing delusions, paranoia, and auditory hallucinations. They thought it was a temporary event. Little did they know this one episode would change their marriage forever. As Julia’s condition worsened, Mark sticks by her side through the ups and downs, sickness and health.

Mark narrates this story with relentless vulnerability. He does not romanticize or sugarcoat the reality of being a caregiver. It is a tough job. Taking care of his wife was overwhelming, exhausting, and frustrating. He had to leave his teaching job, sacrifice sleep, and delay plans to have children. Instead, his time became occupied with his Julia’s illness. Keeping track of her medication regime, hospital visits, and suicide attempts were his top priority. He felt helpless. Here was a person he loved who was disappearing under the wrath of an illness he had no control over.

He understood none of this was Julia’s fault, but he detested the illness for changing their marriage. Unlike most professionals, when you love someone, you see them without a medical gaze. You see them for who they are. You can create a separation between them and the illness. And because Mark could see Julia for who she is, he persisted. Despite her psychotic episodes, he did not leave Julia’s side.

Overall, this was a heartwarming, romantic, and inspiring story. It made me realize how imperfect relationships are. We all have shortcomings, but I think marriage succeeds when you can love the other person despite their faults. It was beautiful to see Mark and Julia support each other. Julia’s illness might have tested their marriage, but they were also able to grow stronger because of it. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has a spouse or partner with a mental illness.

[Krista · Rating 3 out of 5]

Giulia grew intolerably frustrated by our inability to understand her. She rolled onto her back, pulled her knees toward her chest, and chanted, “Voglio morire, voglio morire, voglio morire.” I want to die, I want to die, I want to die. At first she hissed through her teeth, then started shouting, “VOGLIO MORIRE, VOGLIO MORIRE, VOGLIO MORIRE!” in an aggressive roar. I'm not sure which scared me more: listening to my wife whisper her death wish or scream it.

As author Mark Lukach concludes at the end of My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward, he does sound like he has lived “a charmed life” – a childhood of love and adventure, mutual love at first sight with the woman he would eventually marry, professional fulfillment – so while he's describing the harrowing circumstances around his wife's recurring psychosis, I couldn't help but think, “This is awful, but it could be worse”. And despite having worked as a freelance writer and enjoying success with articles in major publications, I didn't find this to be an incredibly well-written memoir – the emotion is flat, the timeline rushed, no research is added for understanding – so I couldn't help but think, “This is okay, but it could be better.” Yet, as someone who has had no contact with the mental health system, I am grateful that Lukach decided to share his story: his might not be a typical life, but this memoir has the sheen of a truthful account; a worthwhile addition to the record of human experience.

The book opens with Lukach's fairytale romance with future wife Giulia – a beautiful, gregarious, and focussed Italian-born fellow-Freshman at college. They eventually marry, move to San Francisco, and begin their working careers: he as a teacher, she as a marketing manager. They have dinner parties and long walks on the beach, get a dog, and plot their happily-ever-after. And then Giulia becomes overwhelmed with work, can't sleep, and begins to have hallucinations about talking with God. When the sleepless nights continue, Giulia becomes terrified that she's now talking to the Devil, and as Lukach has no idea what else to do, he brings his wife to the ER against her will and consents to admitting her to the psych ward. Lukach is brutally honest about this experience: His uncertainty and fears, the cold bureaucracy he confronts with the health professionals, the toll this experience takes on him personally. When medication eventually allows Giulia to be released (after 23 days), she then sinks into an eight month long depression; wishing every day for death. Lukach pulls her out of that, too, and despite neither of them having worked for nearly a year, they have enough money saved to be able to go on a four month, round-the-world vacation; rediscovering their love and commitment.

Giulia feels so good at this point that they decide the breakdown was a one-time occurrence, and they have a baby. Not long after Jonas is born, Giulia begins to have delusions again; this time Lukach doesn't hesitate – he brings his wife to the ER and demands admittance to the psych ward. After an even longer stay this time, Giulia is again released and again suffers months of suicidal depression – all while her husband does his best to take care of the baby and the house and his sick wife. As he is not taking very good care of himself, friends intervene and one hands him The Divided Self: An Existential Study in Sanity and Madness: an “antipsychiatry” book that advocates for less medical intervention for the mentally ill. And while Lukach is eventually interested in what this book might offer him and his family, he really doesn't go into it far enough for my satisfaction. He and Giulia do make a “mad map” – Giulia is able to predetermine what care she is willing to endure in the event of further breakdowns (which totally makes sense: allowing someone to make decisions, while healthy and in concert with a psychiatrist, about her own future) – but when Giulia did have another episode, she was no longer willing to take the medications that, when healthy, she knew she would need; no longer understood why she couldn't have her two-and-a-half-year-old son visit her in a care facility.

I felt trapped by the impossibility of the situation. I didn't trust Giulia to make her own decisions. I wanted to make them for her, which led to her resenting me for not trusting her. I didn't want Giulia to resent me, but the only way to do that would be to allow her to make her own decisions, even if that included choices that could hurt or even kill her. It wasn't going to work if I remained in charge, and it would be too risky if she was in charge.

What was most interesting was Kuhach's evolution as a caregiver: Everything was unknown during the first episode, he had a false confidence that he was an experienced decision-maker the second time, and by the third, he was willing to back off and let the professionals do their jobs. He never stopped advocating for Giulia, and he continued to visit her every day that he could, but he eventually understood that he would need to put Jonas and himself first. On the other hand, it was hard not to recognise that this is a family of inordinate privilege: They could go long stretches without working; her mother routinely flew in from Italy, and his from Japan, whenever needed; we're supposed to feel bad that Kukich has to give up frequent surfing for trail running. I was annoyed that their local coffee shop became hip for its selection of artisanal toasts, and I was shocked when Kukich concluded (after the suicide of one of Giulia's friends from the psych ward) that killing oneself is simply another kind of courage. He voices his frustration that prescribing medicines for the mentally ill is an imprecise science – Giulia seems to be forever over- or undermedicated while finding the right dosage – but it's obvious from their experience that they need to trust the process; Giulia needs medication, no matter its side-effects or the opinions of the antipsychiatry movement.

Ultimately, like I said in the beginning, this was an interesting experience for me to read about, even if I didn't think it was as well-written as it could have been. I wish the Kukichs all the best.

For further reading, this is the original article in The New York Times that opened up Kukich's writing career (talk about a charmed existence). And this interview in The Globe & Mail adds Giulia's voice to the story.

[Tracy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a memoir written by a non-author and it seemed clunky and almost like a diary format.
This book is supposed to illustrate the struggles one faces when suffering mental illness, and it does to a point. The main focus is on how crappy everything is for ill person's husband, the author. We get it, it's hard. But, he has a ridiculously accommodating support system, hardly works, and complains about everything! His wife was grumpy. She didn't say "Thank you." His mother in law wants to cook too much. It wasn't sunny for 45 days! Ugh...

[jujuthebeezle · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oml, this book ENRAGED me. I kept listening to it thinking at some point this extremely privileged white cis man has got to get some perspective and recognize his extreme level of entitlement, but it never happened. There were times when he off-handedly expressed gratitude for his privilege or a modicum of responsibility for the death-grip control he had over any and every thing to do with her treatment and their lives.

I kept thinking about this poor woman who had lived through three psychotic episodes, then had to read an entire book about how shitty and exhausting the experience had been for her husband, which she was 100% responsible for. And then someday their kid will read it and see how great his dad thought he was compared to his mother. He kept talking about how his son only wanted him, was so joyful towards him and so apprehensive towards his mother.

I know that everything is relative and pain is pain, but I found it almost impossible to empathize with someone with money, with access to excellent healthcare, with parents and in-laws willing(and able to afford) to come help, with the ability to take leave from jobs and return to them fairly easily who then would rave about how he had to wait until visiting hours to see his wife and would call the overworked doctors dozens of times a day. I wanted to take him on rounds at the psychiatric ward of Bellevue Hospital to show him how lucky they were.

I’m sorry they all had to go through it, I’m happy they’ve figured out how to cope and I hope they have a wonderful, healthy future, but I wish I hadn’t read this book.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was well written and really took you through the experience of being a family member of someone with mental illness episodes that take over your life at times. I found it rather gripping and read it at one go. Author Mark Lukach met his wife Giulia when they were teenagers, they married and moved to San Francisco and life was looking good when they were blindsided by a psychotic episode that turned their world upside down. This was an enlightening read that was very honestly done.

[Laura Kealey · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars. I listened to audiobook. Looks like I am in the minority here but this book was just ok for me, and more often than not the author got on my nerves. I do really feel for anyone suffering with mental illness or living with a family member that has mental illness. I was drawn in quickly at the beginning and it was both fascinating and so scary to hear how quickly his wife went from seemingly normal to having a psychotic breakdown. I liked when the author said that he thinks the cliché is wrong – and whatever doesn’t kill you makes you weaker, not stronger. I always hated that cliché. However, once past her initial episode, the book went downhill for me. I do think the audiobook impacted my rating because I thought the narrator’s different voices (especially the attempts to talk like a woman, a child or in a dramatic Italian accent) were not appropriate or necessary for a memoir. I could not help but to be distracted by the fact that this couple had an extreme amount of support and money to deal with their unfortunate situation. Family members flying across the country and from other countries to live with them and help them on a moment’s notice and both of them constantly quitting their jobs. There were various times that neither of them were working at all and claimed to be taking from a down payment they were saving for a future house. That had to be some down payment to pay for extended hospital stays, various medications, rent in CA beach town, going on multiple vacations – including a FOUR month vacation around the world after her first bout of mental illness. This is not normal life. And it wasn’t really acknowledged – the author just seems to keep whining about his circumstances. And ok, I get it, you like to be really active and push your body to the extreme with surfing, biking, hiking and running. Got it. You don’t have to constantly let everyone know. And the author clearly wanted to be a writer so I cannot help but think he used his wife’s illness opportunistically in this instance…..which I guess most memoirs are opportunistic, but this felt obvious to me.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

The courage it must’ve taken this man to write this book and then let the world read about it is really astounding to me. I read, in detail, this entire novel that described his wife’s episodes of psychosis and depression, the shift of her personality before and after, and I have to say, I felt it. It was visceral. The astounding thing about that is the knowledge that my feelings of confusion and desperation and frenzy (among other things) don’t even come close to what dealing with it firsthand must have felt like. I don’t think I can even begin to comprehend it. And the same can be said for the feelings of desperation, frustration and utter helplessness that Guilia must have felt.

I flew through this book not only because of the content, but because the writing style was very easy to read. It was detailed and in-depth and didn’t leave me with too many unanswered questions. The ending was not a great conclusion to the story, but I imagine that’s because their story isn’t over.

If you’re reading this review to decide whether you should read this or not, please decide to read this. I really think it’s worth the time.

[Moonkiszt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished listening to the library’s borrowed copy of Mark Lukach’s book “My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward:. . . .what a journey. . . that continues on just like our own.

Sobering, serious, sad, happy, victorious, hopeful, limiting, confined, difficult, hard, not fair.

In our world we hunger to label things, people, situations. From our earliest years we name them (read: label) as if that will confine / define them and contain all their messy edges and borders. Labeling helps dissolve fear, and if even slightly clever or risky can grant us power if we are in a contextually appropriate group. This book is a triumphant response to that auto-labeling: HA! You CAN’T! You can’t just call her crazy and be done with it. In fact, this family’s every day, every moment, every move reinstates, underscores and insists on constant re-evaluation of all that is in the present, past and future. Are you a True Believer? I am, I like to think, in unison with the heart of the hoped for answer for which Jonas asks that question.

Kudos to this family, to Mark for writing so openly, laying out all the vulnerabilities and hurts and hopes; and to the other family members, nuclear and extended who support them; and to the health community that is in the mix. Kindness, tolerance and true believing. May the Love Tree stand for always and always.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first reaction to this book: WOW. I loved it… or as much as one can love a book about mental illness and difficult subjects, which is a lot even if it’s sometimes hard to read.

Mark and Giulia were leading a “charmed” life with a beautiful love story. They had recently moved to San Francisco and were settling into married life and careers when, at the age of 27, Giulia inexplicably and out of nowhere suffered a psychotic break. Recovery was long and painful after a month long stint in the local psych ward. The marriage they once knew was gone, and in its place, pieces that would need to be rebuilt. Eventually, after a full recovery, things seemed to be back to normal until a second breakdown after having their son, and another one after that.

Mental illness is tough. It’s hard to talk about, hard to admit to. But this memoir? This memoir, you guys… brutally honest, uncomfortably real. I cringed and I soared and I recoiled in horror right alongside this amazing young couple. The thing about mental illness is that it doesn’t preclude anyone. No one is immune. It offers no explanations, no sympathy, no nothing. For Giulia, one day it wasn’t and the next day it was. I was pulled into her story and Mark’s story and I couldn’t read fast enough. I mean, really. This book read faster to me than some of the craziest suspense novels I’ve ever read because I was just fascinated by their story and hoping and praying and waiting for the end result to be good. When I wasn’t reading it, I was thinking about it.

I know mental illness is so personal but I love that Mark and Giulia let us into their story, the highs and lows, the fights, the tears, the frustration… all of it, no holds barred. I love how open and honest and thorough Mark is in describing their experience, and how it is to love someone with mental illness. I love that Mark isn’t afraid to show us that it’s HARD to love someone with mental illness, but that you can love them just the same. I love that he shows us vulnerability, anger, resentment, fear – the times he lost his temper along with the times he was nearly a saint (though I doubt he’d call himself that!). I love that they’re sharing their story because somebody somewhere will read this and say “aha! Me too! I’m not alone!” Oh and also? There’s a Bulldog so… instant love right there, you know.

I’ve had anxiety and depression for most of my life, and while my issues are not nearly as severe as those depicted in this memoir, I feel grateful anytime people are willing to open up about their experiences with mental illness. It’s a relief to know that someone gets it, that there are people out there who SEE that these are real illnesses, despite not being able to physically see them. You can look fine and yet not feel fine.

This book just gripped me from page one. I could not put it down and I will be passionately recommending it to most everyone I know. It is full of raw, beautiful, easy to read writing, depicting a very real and very hard story with glimmers of hope throughout… I cannot recommend it enough!

[Meg · Rating 1 out of 5]

I feel like the writer is constantly seeking a pat on the back for caring for his mentally ill wife - the same wife whom he vowed to stay with and care for thru better or worse, in sickness and in health. Get over yourself buddy, lots of married couples stay together thru mental illness, cancer, brain injuries, losing a child - its not an accomplishment, its fulfilling a promise.

[Yesenia Cash · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was very real!!! I always love and appreciate memoirs so much! Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful story!

[Janice · Rating 1 out of 5]

Let me preface my review by saying mental illness is devastating all the way around. It affects everyone in difficult and overwhelmingly sad ways. I understand how hard it is on a person, and my review is not meant to minimize the pain and difficulty one experiences because of an illness. And…

Likewise, it’s equally devastating and sad for someone who has to: 1) manage an aging parent with dementia, 2) care for a family, 3) work, and 4) let’s see… what’s number 4? Oh yeah, try not to crumble or get sick in the process, because if you do you won’t be able to care for #’s 1 and 2, or manage to do # 3. And THIS is exactly what MANY people are doing today. And not just with mental illness, but with so many other devastating health issues.

I hated this book, and I immensely disliked Lukach. This book wasn’t a cathartic act or a way to educate and share an experience, Lukach threw this book together for purely mercenary reasons. He used his wife’s illness to: 1) make money from a book (and possible movie deal), 2) garner sympathy, and 3) have an excuse not to work and have extra time to surf. He’s a lazy surfer BUM who saw cha-ching! very early on. The book reads like a movie script with ridiculously contrived dialogue. He used his wife like a pawn, and I have great empathy for Giulia. Maybe she couldn’t comfortably take the time she needed to recover because she was under too much pressure to find work and earn money in order to support her surfer bum’s lazy ass.

There are SO MANY things about this book that should be called out for the selfish nonsense that it is, but I’m only going to list some. At this point, I want to mark this book “read” and forget it even exists.

1. Lukach always had an excuse for not working or looking for work. His excuse after one of Giulia’s hospital stays was “…neither of us was ready for a career again.” I can see Giulia needing to take a break in order to regain mental and physical health, but what was this bum’s excuse? He was exhausted from his back and forth visits to the hospital?? Poor him.

2. He goes on a cross-country bike ride. Who does this? A young unmarried guy without obligations or a need to be responsible, maybe, but not a so-called responsible adult husband.

3. They decide to travel, because according to the bum, their “…nest egg hadn’t vanished yet” so they decided to travel because “…why not spend it on a once in a lifetime trip.” Here’s “why not”…. A responsible human would think about the future (and saving for said future) instead of squandering it irresponsibly today. And there’s the rub - the bum knew there wasn’t a need to worry about money in the future because he’d just write a book and ride his wife’s mental illness around until the wheels fall off. In fact, I’m sure he already had a book deal in place and was documenting (or should I say script writing) the thing very early on. In fact, wasn’t he a little upset at one point because a friend of his had already written a book? Hmmm.

4. While Giulia’s changing a diaper in some country or another, the bum envisions his wife becoming a parent. In turn, when he was changing a diaper, he writes: “…I can see in her gaze that she was seeing the same future in me.” So he’s psychic now? He can read minds?? LOL. No, he’s not and, no, he can’t. But this tripe makes for a good book and a possible made-for-TV movie.

5. He continually drops the F bomb when having discussions with healthcare professionals. Listen, I have a potty mouth and can curse like a sailor. But I’ve never once used that language in any of the frustrating dealings I had with healthcare people. Again, this kind of intense stuff makes for a better book/movie.

The bum should be slapped hard for the title of the book alone, the Imbecile. You all got suckered, people, by this whiny, sniveling spineless guy. I’m floored you can’t see this book for what it is - income for this sorry excuse of a man. There are women who are tougher and have a stronger resolve than this man-baby. But I’m going to stop here because I can go on and on and write a book of my own just documenting every contrived and disingenuous thing about this silly story. This so-called book is a pitiful, shameful mess. Shame on Lukach for taking advantage of his “lovely wife in the psych ward” by writing it, and shame on Harper Wave for publishing it.

[Diana · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this one, really. But I found it to be a bit too much "bubbly" at the beginning, which it also was very fast moving because they presented us the main characters which went from unkowns to married in no time. I guess the author wanted that part introduced and done with so we could settle for the rest of the book, but too me it seemed a bit to fast.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was painfully beautiful. I loved it all, my copy is so marked up with notes and tabs on the pages. I only hope to be loved in this life the way Mark loves Giulia. A heart catching read about love, family, and mental health.

[Ruthy lavin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a brutally honest and sometimes harrowing account of the effects of psychosis on a family.
Written SO well, it is an autobiographical account of Mark and his wife Giulia, who had previously never suffered with poor mental health, and the ramifications that a diagnosis of severe mania bipolar had on their lives together.
Having suffered with sometimes debilitating mental health issues myself, it was refreshing to read such honesty and to see how much Mark laid himself bare in order to share this emotive story with us.
An easy 4 star read, especially if you can empathise with mental illness.

[Sara Strand · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always dealt with a bit of depression, my whole life. Right after Olivia it was at its absolute worst, and it was the first time that I felt like I had to medicate myself. I felt shame and absolute humiliation. After about eight months I felt nothing at all so I wanted to get off of them so I just stopped. About a year later our marriage hit a major bump in the road and I thought for sure we were getting a divorce but the day I went to file I found out I was pregnant, so there I was, my husband was jobless, I was pregnant with an almost two year old, and I had divorce papers in hand, cue mental break down. So I was put back on an anti-depressant that was safe for pregnancy. I cried all of the time but I felt nothing at all so I don't know how helpful it was. As soon as I could get off of it, I did. I went several years with no medication, I had bouts of feeling down, but I managed it with diet and exercise. I tried to fill my schedule with fun things so I didn't give myself the time to go into the hole.

Then we had Lucy. All hell has broken loose. Since then I have struggled with mental health. A lot. Enough that I am seriously considering checking myself into a three month facility, anywhere that will help me, that can focus on trauma and depression. I don't know if I'm fixable but I know I can't live like this forever. I know that there is a real quality versus quantity argument in my head when it comes to me as a mother and the mother my children had before Lucy is gone, she is not ever coming back. The mother they have now is terrible. She's mean, she's not present, and she doesn't want to be here. It's the worst feeling in the world, so I identified with Giulia so much in this book. But it also made me feel guilty because I bet my husband Matt could identify with Mark in the book because I know immediately after Lucy's birth Matt felt helpless and had no idea what to do. I imagine that's the spot he's in now with my depression but I can't help him because I don't know what to do either.

This book follows the story of Mark and Giulia. The meet in college, fall in love, get married, and start their lives in the most idyllic way we all hope to. It's perfect. They start their careers, they both have plans, they get an awesome dog named Goose, and all is well. Except things start happening with Giulia. It starts with a lack of sleep and ended in a terrifying first psychotic break. Her first hospital stay was confusing, terrifying, They both soon learn that the mental health system in America is essentially is a guessing game, nobody actually knows how to diagnose or treat you, it's all about treating you with medications and messing around with dosages and hoping for the best. Everyone responds differently and what works for you for awhile, might inexplicably stop working and you're right back in the hospitable. I identified with Giulia's frustrations and her anger at losing her independence and her inability to feel heard- that's how I feel so often. But at the same time, I understand Mark's frustration because as a parent your child's safety and well being as to come first. I can understand Giulia not wanting to be on medication long term, a lot of them make you feel absolutely awful and the side effects are no joke.

I want to share one of the passages in the book that really spoke to me. I have had a really hard time trying to describe what my AFE and Lucy's birth has done to me and to Matt, but our marriage, too. Everyone keeps telling us how lucky we are to have each other and it's all I can do to roll my eyes and not punch them in the face because I feel so angry. But this. This is what it's like:

"It's like you've survived a tsunami, Mark. I'm sure you've saw the footage from the tsunami that hit Indonesia. Entire buildings wiped out. People swept away. Horrifying stuff. It's not hard to imagine you and Giulia on one of those beaches. You were in bliss together, and then the wave hit. You grabbed on to a tree and each other and held on as the waved pushed and pulled and tried its damnedest to rip you apart, but you kept holding on. For nine months, you held on."...

"Exactly!" I said. "Which should feel good, right? So many people don't survive. Families are torn apart by mental illness. Ours wasn't. People kill themselves every day. Giulia didn't. So why don't I feel happy?"

"Look around you, Mark," my therapist said. "Look at the carnage: the demolished hotels, the uprooted trees, the crumpled cars. The realization that not everyone made it. The worst is over. But the way you once knew it, is gone." She was right. Nothing was the same. Nothing could ever be the same. Our bliss, our puppy love from college, our charmed lives, it was all gone. Giulia's psychosis and depression would color the rest of our relationship. Maybe even my own happiness wouldn't come as easily as it always had. I would have to work for it and have the courage to do the work."

And that is what scares me. That my depression is going to color everyone else's happiness. It's one thing for it to change the rest of my life, one thing for me to be the one to actively have to work at it but for everyone else in my family to have work at being happy every day because of me? To me, that is unacceptable. I am not OK with that and that really upsets me. This book also shows you, in heartbreaking detail, that the vows "in sickness and health" are difficult to adhere to and shouldn't be said flippantly but often are. So often young couples stand at an altar and just say their vows without really thinking about what they mean and give up so easily on marriage. When things get hard, or they don't know what to do, they get divorced and hope the next go round is easier. Mark and Giulia are proving that while it isn't easy, it isn't without rewards. They may have difficult times but they have good times too.

And just... my heart goes out to you guys. I'm terrified of my own journey because I'm cognizant enough to realize that I'm not getting better. I don't know what's wrong with me but I know I'm not dealing with simple depression anymore and I know I'm not going to be able to be flippant about my medication anymore and I need help and I am terrified to be hospitalized. I'm grateful that Matt hasn't thrown in the damn towel because I know I am a nightmare to deal with right now. But this story is just everything. I devoured it this weekend, I cried. It's no coincidence that it's Mother's Day weekend, I was an emotional hot mess and this book was everything that I needed. Five stars. Easily. You need this in your life.

If you, or someone you love struggles with mental illness I highly encourage you to read this book.

[Liza Fireman · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were many parts that I really liked in this book, the story is mostly terrifying. A woman, maybe one that tend to be much more stressed than the average person, one day loses her sanity completely.

Giulia grew intolerably frustrated by our inability to understand her. She rolled onto her back, pulled her knees toward her chest, and chanted, “Voglio morire, voglio morire, voglio morire.” I want to die, I want to die, I want to die. At first she hissed through her teeth, then she started shouting, “VOGLIO MORIRE, VOGLIO MORIRE!” in an aggressive roar.
“Get out! The Devil is here and he wants you. You need to leave now!”

I am a bit torn about Mark, our story teller. He is a martyr, sacrificing so much. But he is describing himself at the center of this. And at some point he even admits it. He even has a small breakdown around it. It bothered me at some point how much it was about him. Even the name of the book, "my lovely wife", is a bit bothering. We don't even know anything about Giulia, except that she has mental illness.

To start with, Guilia and Mark got together and got married, too immature as the story goes. They were in love, sure, but they didn't know each other at all, and both were young and careless and knew almost nothing about themselves or each other. That makes it much harder to go through crisis times together. That maybe also explains some of Mark's coping with the tough situation.

And of course, Mark's position is tough, close to impossible. His wife is losing it. And he is not even allowed to see her medical reports (since she didn't approve this). He is trying to be supportive, and his wife seems to get out of the psych award way before she is normal again. Now he is spending much time with her parents, and everyone is in a giant pressure cooker.

Later on, after she gets back to normal in the same abrupt way like she got in to it. They hope she is not one of the 90%. Ninety percent of the time psychosis recurs. She is part of the ninety percent. And it is even harder when they decide to bring a baby to the world, and his mom needs to take drugs regularly.

The book got a bit repetitive at some point with all the in and out of the hospital. And it could be better edited. But really, the main thing would be to edit Mark's self centered world view.

I loved the preparation that they did after the second or third time. They agreed on the terms of what to do if Giulia's situation seem to be an event of relapse. They went a long way, made tough decisions, and tried to make it happen when relapse happened. That's the main reason that this book is not just 3 stars but closer to 4.

One thing that I really didn't like is Mark emphasizing again and again to how their son Jonas prefers him to Julia, and gets more attention from him than Julia. Some of that is "necessary" for the story, but some of that just seem like his need to talk about himself. Guilia is the working parent in their household, he decided to be a stay-at-home dad (but complained about it in abundance. btw, no one has to do this, there are daycares in the world). And when Guilia is sick, it is hard to blame her of not being attentive to any of them.

Almost 4 stars. because it is an enchanting topic, and the pre-agreement of how to take care of relapses sounds worth spreading (and not only in sickness situations). Mark himself gets only 2 stars from me.

I highly want to recommend Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan, that gives the point of view of Susannah from the point of view of a sick person, about her own sickness and hospitalization.

[Jaclyn Day · Rating 3 out of 5]

Who are Mark and Giulia? After spending an entire book with them, and despite the honesty Lukach injects into the story, I'm still not sure. Giulia's undiagnosed mental illness, which manifests in debilitating, psychotic episodes, is the crux around which Lukach writes this book. But in the telling of their story, he reveals little about her other than these relatively late-life health crises. A memoir is a tricky thing. Raw emotion and honesty, typically the hallmark of a good memoirist, are here in ample supply. However, this honesty also reveals the enormous privilege the Lukachs have. After Giulia's first hospitalization, they live without employment for longer than nearly anyone in the early 2010's could fathom being possible (especially for a couple in the Bay Area), and they take a months-long vacation around the world to rekindle their relationship during the same period. Lukach's support system, too, is unassailable, and one can't help but wonder at his helplessness at maintaining a job and taking care of a home and child at the same time. There are telling moments where Giulia and Mark snip wildly at each other in finding parity in their responsibilities at home ("I cooked so you clean") and these were more telling to me than Lukach's bold final proclamations of a family more or less healed and moving happily into the future. For all the reasons mentioned above, I struggle with my final thoughts about the book but do ache for Giulia and the terror and frustration she endured. Any additional spotlight on mental illness is welcome and needed. I wish Lukach had zeroed in more on the inability to properly medicate Giulia, to manage the psychosis, to medicate her through depression, and what their decision-making process around refusing electroshock therapy entailed. It's a complicated book around a complicated topic--made even more complicated by the fact that the research behind mental illness/psychosis, the family's privilege, and the obvious marital resentment that occurred throughout the past 8-9 years or so go quietly into the night rather than acknowledged to the reader.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a heart wrenching account of having to navigate the mental crisis/illness of a loved one. I felt that it did a good job of highlighting the impact on the extended family and friend network.

There were many passages describing what Mark was witnessing and feeling that knocked the wind right out of me - I recognized those moments all too well. However, there were so many times that this book caused me to experience irrational, overwhelming anger. While I am very glad that Guilia received timely and very immediate medical support when in crisis and that upon discharge there was a clear plan and continued support, this is so diametrically opposed to the journey we have faced. Especially as Mark documented Guilia's first episode, I wished I could reach out and shake him. He did not seem to realize what a golden horseshoe of care they had received.

Is it fair of me to feel this way? No, but I make no apologies for it.

I do hope and pray that Giulia continues in a long period of health management and stability and that when an episode occurs that they continue to fortunate in the level of care received. I hope that Mark is able to manage self-care as he balances the responsibilities in his life. I hope that Jonas is able to grow up knowing he is loved by both his parents and feeling safe and secure.

[Torrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Knowing this book is about mental illness, I knew it was going to be depressing, emotional, etc. but I really underestimated how heartfelt the author's words would be, as well as how involved I would get in the ups and downs of Giulia & Mark's journey. The author's writing is descriptive, insightful, and raw. Giulia & Mark's story helps puts things into perspective and I think there is probably something we can all learn from their relationship/journey to apply in our own relationships.

[Kim Ebner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Please check out my book blog: www.thebuzzingbookmark.com

I found this one to be a really fascinating, sad, eye-opening memoir. I've always had a little bit of a fascination with mental illness and how people cope with it in their lives, if they ever do.

This book is ultimately both a memoir and an autobiography. In the book, the author talks about his relationship with his wife, how he coped with his wife's sudden onset of mental illness and the struggles that he went through. This is the memoir part. But then the author also focuses on his wife, how she coped, what the diagnosis did to her and how she acted and reacted. That is the autobiography part.

Although I felt extremely sorry for Giulia and her bipolar diagnosis, which must have been devastating, the person that I felt most sorry for when reading this true account, was Giulia's husband and the author of this book, Mark. I cannot even vaguely begin to imagine what it must be like to see the person that you love crumbling before your eyes. Giulia become unloving, rude, withdrawn, selfish and all these things were aimed at her husband Mark, who was just trying to remain a rock and a constant support. And of course I realize that Giulia didn't have any control over her emotions, or over how she treated Mark, but I couldn't help feel incredibly sorry for him and a little bit irritated with her.

I must also mention at this stage, that I found this account to be incredibly honest, and I must applaud Giulia for this as I'm sure she needed to agree to Mark including some of the scenes that he included in the book. For example, there is a scene where Giulia has been released from hospital and she is back at home and Mark asks her to do the dishes after dinner. She is in her room, lying in bed and says no, she doesn't want to do them and he must do them. It's a scene that got my blood boiling because Mark had basically given up his whole life for months and months, he had done everything for Giulia and had looked after her constantly, and she couldn't even do the dishes! This is just one example of a small scene that could have been left out of the book, but wasn't. It's such a normal, every day thing, but yet it was included in the book and it was honest and brutal.

Overall, this was a really great read. It's always difficult to rate a memoir / autobiography because it's always difficult to rate someone's real life experiences. I do try and remember that the pacing will be different to a fiction novel, as will the gripping nature of the read. But this one was great. It was incredibly interesting and eye-opening, it was sad but also hopeful. The love that Mark shows for Giulia is incredible and amazing. My personal feeling is that I'm not quite as confident that Giulia shows the same depth of love for Mark, but that's just my personal feeling.

This is a wonderful memoir that I'm sure many people will "enjoy" (it's difficult to say enjoy due to the nature of the read). I'm sure that many of you will find something in this read to lift your spirits. I know that I did.

And here's wishing all the best to both Mark and Giulia, for their life together.


My Rating: * * * *

Publication Date: August 2017 (South Africa)

Genre: Memoir

Format: Trade Paperback

Source: Review copy received from the publisher. Many thanks to author, Mark Lukach and Pan Macmillan SA for my copy. It was my pleasure to read and review this title.