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The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband's Time, Attention, and Affection
Can a wife single-handedly bring a boring or broken marriage back to life? This improved and expanded edition of Laura Doyle's acclaimed First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors features real-life success stories from empowered wives who have done just that—and provides a step-by-step guide to revitalizing your own marriage.
Laura Doyle's marriage was in trouble, and couples counseling wasn't helping. On the brink of divorce, she decided to talk to women who'd been happily married for over a decade, and their advice stunned her. From it, she distilled Six Intimacy Skills—woman-centric practices that ended her overwhelm and resentment, restoring the playfulness and passion in her marriage.
Now an internationally-recognized relationship coach, Doyle has shared her secrets with women around the globe, saving thousands of marriages with her fresh, revolutionary approach.
Practical and counter-intuitive, the Six Intimacy Skills are about focusing on your own desires and transforming your own life—not bending over backwards to transform your husband.
Incorporating these skills will empower you
Attract his attention like a magnet when you relax more and do less
Receive affection not because you told him to make more of an effort, but because he naturally seeks you out
Feel more like yourself—and like yourself more
If you've been trying to "fix" your relationship and it's not working, maybe the problem was never you, or your husband, or even the two of you as a couple. Maybe the problem is that nobody ever taught you the skills you need to foster respect, tenderness, and consideration.
With humor and heart, The Empowered Wife shows you how to improve your relationship in ways you hadn't thought possible. You'll join a worldwide community of over 150,000 empowered wives who finally have the marriages they dreamed of when they said "I do."
Laura Doyle's marriage was in trouble, and couples counseling wasn't helping. On the brink of divorce, she decided to talk to women who'd been happily married for over a decade, and their advice stunned her. From it, she distilled Six Intimacy Skills—woman-centric practices that ended her overwhelm and resentment, restoring the playfulness and passion in her marriage.
Now an internationally-recognized relationship coach, Doyle has shared her secrets with women around the globe, saving thousands of marriages with her fresh, revolutionary approach.
Practical and counter-intuitive, the Six Intimacy Skills are about focusing on your own desires and transforming your own life—not bending over backwards to transform your husband.
Incorporating these skills will empower you
Attract his attention like a magnet when you relax more and do less
Receive affection not because you told him to make more of an effort, but because he naturally seeks you out
Feel more like yourself—and like yourself more
If you've been trying to "fix" your relationship and it's not working, maybe the problem was never you, or your husband, or even the two of you as a couple. Maybe the problem is that nobody ever taught you the skills you need to foster respect, tenderness, and consideration.
With humor and heart, The Empowered Wife shows you how to improve your relationship in ways you hadn't thought possible. You'll join a worldwide community of over 150,000 empowered wives who finally have the marriages they dreamed of when they said "I do."
250 pages, Paperback
Published March 28, 2017
1268 people are currently reading
3239 people want to read
About the author
Laura Doyle
11 books97 followersLaura Doyle is the author of the book The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man (Simon & Schuster 2001), The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You (Simon & Schuster 2002), and Things Will Get as Good as you Can Stand (Simon & Schuster 2004) She leads workshops and seminars that have helped thousands of women find the intimacy they crave.
Doyle's book caught the attention of major media the world over, including Dateline NBC, The Today Show, The View, Montel Williams Show, Politically Incorrect, The New York Times, Marie Claire UK, The London Telegraph and many others. The Los Angeles Times calls Doyle part of a new trend and writes that "members of her group...swear by its effectiveness in relieving marital discord and their inability to cope with the pressures of trying to be superwomen."
In her books, lectures and seminars, Doyle reveals her own experiences from her fifteen-year marriage, as well as practical, simple techniques that women can use to attract and revitalize intimacy immediately.
Prior to writing The Surrendered Wife, Doyle enjoyed a successful career as a marketing copywriter. She is a graduate with honors from San Jose State University's journalism department.
Doyle's book caught the attention of major media the world over, including Dateline NBC, The Today Show, The View, Montel Williams Show, Politically Incorrect, The New York Times, Marie Claire UK, The London Telegraph and many others. The Los Angeles Times calls Doyle part of a new trend and writes that "members of her group...swear by its effectiveness in relieving marital discord and their inability to cope with the pressures of trying to be superwomen."
In her books, lectures and seminars, Doyle reveals her own experiences from her fifteen-year marriage, as well as practical, simple techniques that women can use to attract and revitalize intimacy immediately.
Prior to writing The Surrendered Wife, Doyle enjoyed a successful career as a marketing copywriter. She is a graduate with honors from San Jose State University's journalism department.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 409 reviews
February 15, 2023
Ok, I was half enjoying this book. I did a big eye roll when she uses the phrase Six Intimacy Skills with a TM the first time it's mentioned. No surprise b/c half the book is pitching the book and her retreats.
Reading along, I am enjoying the advice just not the style at all. But there are some major bones to pick here.
She is dismissive of major issues like mental health issues or learning challenges in your partner.
She is sexist in a way that is subtle and not so subtle: "It's actually more enjoyable to be the Goddess of Fun and Light than it is to be the woman who knows everything." Ok so be a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, got it. Her point here is to not nag and cut him down, but please mind the language. Same goes for the advice keep your helpfulness to a minimum. Ummm, it's ok to be smarter in somethings than your husband and you can express this in a way that's beyond phrasing it in the form of a desire you wish he'd fulfill.
The main thing I got from reading this far is the reminder that men crave being respected and women like to be admired, so think before you speak. It took a lot of filtering out of junk to get there.
Y'all these things were going to knock it down to a 3 rating but then I came across the chapter called The Myth of Verbal Abuse.
Because if he's not one of the author's Three Type of Mean Men (TM) - addict, cheater and physical abuser - then guess what? Drumroll please....it's your fault!
Yup, that's right, a woman can nag her husband into being a verbal abuser. B/c you know verbal abuse never is a red flag for future physical abuse! (sarcasm if you didn't pick up on it)
She says on her own website:
"I'm not saying it's okay if your spouse is putting you down a lot, but I am saying I wouldn't endorse a divorce because of it. That's because in my 15 years as a relationship coach I've never met a married couple that didn't match. Water seeks its own level; verbal abuse in marriage is always a two-way street. "
Always? Please run from this toxic advice.
One problem is she never defines these limits. What's "putting down"? shouldn't you explicitly define what is and isn't verbal abuse??
This is where I was done. I am reading on Hoopla and didn't even see the Chapter Index right away. It was only when 50% and just tired of her sales pitch that I decided to check to see where I can skim. If I had seen this chapter heading in the beginning, I would not have wasted my time. Hope you don't either.
2023 Edit: I'm guessing if you're here, you want to strengthen your marriage. More power to you. I was too when I read this book, so I thought I would share what's been helpful. Learning about attachment styles has helped open my eyes a lot. Thais Gibson is recommended in this field. She has a quiz online you can take.
Reading along, I am enjoying the advice just not the style at all. But there are some major bones to pick here.
She is dismissive of major issues like mental health issues or learning challenges in your partner.
She is sexist in a way that is subtle and not so subtle: "It's actually more enjoyable to be the Goddess of Fun and Light than it is to be the woman who knows everything." Ok so be a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, got it. Her point here is to not nag and cut him down, but please mind the language. Same goes for the advice keep your helpfulness to a minimum. Ummm, it's ok to be smarter in somethings than your husband and you can express this in a way that's beyond phrasing it in the form of a desire you wish he'd fulfill.
The main thing I got from reading this far is the reminder that men crave being respected and women like to be admired, so think before you speak. It took a lot of filtering out of junk to get there.
Y'all these things were going to knock it down to a 3 rating but then I came across the chapter called The Myth of Verbal Abuse.
Because if he's not one of the author's Three Type of Mean Men (TM) - addict, cheater and physical abuser - then guess what? Drumroll please....it's your fault!
Yup, that's right, a woman can nag her husband into being a verbal abuser. B/c you know verbal abuse never is a red flag for future physical abuse! (sarcasm if you didn't pick up on it)
She says on her own website:
"I'm not saying it's okay if your spouse is putting you down a lot, but I am saying I wouldn't endorse a divorce because of it. That's because in my 15 years as a relationship coach I've never met a married couple that didn't match. Water seeks its own level; verbal abuse in marriage is always a two-way street. "
Always? Please run from this toxic advice.
One problem is she never defines these limits. What's "putting down"? shouldn't you explicitly define what is and isn't verbal abuse??
This is where I was done. I am reading on Hoopla and didn't even see the Chapter Index right away. It was only when 50% and just tired of her sales pitch that I decided to check to see where I can skim. If I had seen this chapter heading in the beginning, I would not have wasted my time. Hope you don't either.
2023 Edit: I'm guessing if you're here, you want to strengthen your marriage. More power to you. I was too when I read this book, so I thought I would share what's been helpful. Learning about attachment styles has helped open my eyes a lot. Thais Gibson is recommended in this field. She has a quiz online you can take.
February 3, 2020
I'll concur with many other reviews that Laura Doyle's narrative can at times be irritating. And that this book will in no way fit in to the current women's-power-revolution that seems to be overtaking American society.
However, the advice she gives is the precise recipe for receiving reciprocal respect and love by honoring the differences between men and women, and showing husbands the respect and responsibility they most deeply need to thrive in life and marriage.
I highly recommend reading and implementing the knowledge available in this book. My marriage and life have greatly improved in the 3 years since I've read it, and I keep it on speed dial to refer to when I start to forget.
There are so many women in my life who are disrespectful and "motherly" towards their husbands. I so wish they would read this book!
However, the advice she gives is the precise recipe for receiving reciprocal respect and love by honoring the differences between men and women, and showing husbands the respect and responsibility they most deeply need to thrive in life and marriage.
I highly recommend reading and implementing the knowledge available in this book. My marriage and life have greatly improved in the 3 years since I've read it, and I keep it on speed dial to refer to when I start to forget.
There are so many women in my life who are disrespectful and "motherly" towards their husbands. I so wish they would read this book!
February 15, 2018
I thought after having a baby this book might provide some insight into reconnecting with my husband, but it was actually the most sexist garbage I've ever read!
There is a chapter about verbal abuse titled "The Myth of Verbal Abuse", with a section called "Chances Are You Either Started It or Piled It On". WOW No. Just no.
There is also a chapter that discourages women from having their own separate money from their husbands, claiming that there is no way to reach a certain level of intimacy if money isn't completely tied to your husband AND that you give him all of the financial control. What horseshit!
There are parts that are useful, such as maintaining respect in a marriage (duh), and practicing self -care. This was the only part that I found relevant. It was a good reminder to take care of myself again.
But overall, this book made me feel like women's opinions and thoughts do not matter in a marriage. That problems should never be discussed, that you should walk on eggshells around your husband, and if he verbally abuses you it's your fault. This "modern" alternative to marriage counseling seems pretty backwards to me. Also, many parts read like an infomercial for the author's "weekends" for women to learn her techniques. I'm glad I got this from the library and didn't spend a dime on this book.
There is a chapter about verbal abuse titled "The Myth of Verbal Abuse", with a section called "Chances Are You Either Started It or Piled It On". WOW No. Just no.
There is also a chapter that discourages women from having their own separate money from their husbands, claiming that there is no way to reach a certain level of intimacy if money isn't completely tied to your husband AND that you give him all of the financial control. What horseshit!
There are parts that are useful, such as maintaining respect in a marriage (duh), and practicing self -care. This was the only part that I found relevant. It was a good reminder to take care of myself again.
But overall, this book made me feel like women's opinions and thoughts do not matter in a marriage. That problems should never be discussed, that you should walk on eggshells around your husband, and if he verbally abuses you it's your fault. This "modern" alternative to marriage counseling seems pretty backwards to me. Also, many parts read like an infomercial for the author's "weekends" for women to learn her techniques. I'm glad I got this from the library and didn't spend a dime on this book.
August 24, 2024
Read because my friend Stefani recommended it and other friends were reading it also.
I laughed out loud during many parts of this book. Apparently, as long as you give biblical advice from a secular perspective, it won't trigger the internet rage machine. Doyle's marriage advice boils down to "Wives, see to it that you respect your husbands." She gives great examples and stories of what that really means and looks like. She says bold and obvious things like "It is the essence of femininity to receive."
Her "self-care" categories and advice can't be whole-heartedly adopted by a Christian, yet a happy wife does go a long way to having a happy marriage, and our attitude is within our power - and much of her advice is toward that end. Wives that are controlling and needy generally also need to make some effort to be differentiated, satisfied, grateful persons and her advice points toward that goal as well.
I find her claims about verbal abuse being a consequence of feminism (he's just treating you like a man, which is what you wanted, isn't it?) and the general health of a marriage being within a wife's ability to change fascinating and plausible.
Glad I read it and I would recommend it with caveats, but not the same caveats most will want to take, I'm sure.
I laughed out loud during many parts of this book. Apparently, as long as you give biblical advice from a secular perspective, it won't trigger the internet rage machine. Doyle's marriage advice boils down to "Wives, see to it that you respect your husbands." She gives great examples and stories of what that really means and looks like. She says bold and obvious things like "It is the essence of femininity to receive."
Her "self-care" categories and advice can't be whole-heartedly adopted by a Christian, yet a happy wife does go a long way to having a happy marriage, and our attitude is within our power - and much of her advice is toward that end. Wives that are controlling and needy generally also need to make some effort to be differentiated, satisfied, grateful persons and her advice points toward that goal as well.
I find her claims about verbal abuse being a consequence of feminism (he's just treating you like a man, which is what you wanted, isn't it?) and the general health of a marriage being within a wife's ability to change fascinating and plausible.
Glad I read it and I would recommend it with caveats, but not the same caveats most will want to take, I'm sure.
April 28, 2022
I have no idea how to rate this book.
5 Star Advice
2 Star advertising (quit talking up your coaches.)
Loose a star for things that I *really* dislike.
Gain a star or two for containing best advice I've received from marriage book.
To begin with, this is not a Christian book. After reading the synopsis I assumed it was because it could be titled "How to Demonstrate Respect for Your Husband; the Wife's half of "Love and Respect.'"
Skill #1: Do at Least Three Things a Day for Your Own Pleasure
I was clued in when she spent the first chapter discussing self-care and figuring out what you really want. While I disagree that self-gratification is the path to happiness I totally agree with a big principle from this section: Don't rely on your husband to make you happy or give you fulfillment. It's not his job! You're placing a God-sized burden on a human being. Laura believes joy and satisfaction come from enjoying yourself; I believe true joy is only found in Christ, but general self care is still very important and often neglected. We agree: Your husband is not the source of ultimate joy, no matter how great he is! That acknowledgement is powerful.
Skill #2: Relinquish Control of People You Can't Control
""Helpful" in wife language is controlling in husband language." This was the big punch for me. I have spent way too much time "helping" my husband when he did NOT want my "help." Mea culpa. My Bad. I needed almost everything she said pertaining to husbands in this section. She brings a daughter into one example and I disagree with this approach in parenting. Teaching my children obedience and stewardship is 100% on my paper. That's part of my job as a parent.... but NOT a wife.
Skill #3: Receive Graciously
This was less eye-opening for me, but still good advice. My husband generally gives good gifts and I'm happy to receive them. I did need the part about receiving help with gratitude and NO criticism or "buts." "Thanks for doing the laundry, but next time could you remove things that are not dryer safe?" (This might actually be a different section, this concept pops up several times and was meddlin' with me every time.) She suggests catching him doing it right and making a big deal about how happy that makes you and how thankful you are.
Skill #4: Respect The Man You Chose
This is the crux of the approach to me, and a concept peppered throughout the book. RESPECT. "Respect means that you don't dismiss, criticize, contradict or try to teach him anything." It's hard to respect when you don't feel like it, but I expect and need him to love me even when I'm not being very lovely. So I should respect him if I don't feel he's being respectable. It makes ALL the difference.
Skill #5: Express Gratitude Three Times Daily
Thank you goes a long way. She also circles back to offering true thanks, not "Thanks but..." Gratitude will change your heart, and maybe your husband. Often the heart change is all that's really needed.
Skill #6: Strive to be Vulnerable
The concept here wasn't difficult for me because my husband and I are emotionally intimate. We are vulnerable with each other and have been throughout marriage. She offered a few helpful tips in this section though:
"[be vulnerable,] open and trusting enough to say "I miss you" instead of "you never spend time with me." ... simply say, "ouch!" when he's insensitive instead of retaliating. " The ouch thing is helpful because I'm an over explainer. I want to tell him exactly what hurt me, why it did, why he's wrong--yes I heard you apologize but I'm still telling you how hurt I am!! Of course that puts him on the defensive and makes him feel he can never do anything right. She also suggests here that you call a like minded friend if what you really need is just venting. Venting to your husband (about your husband) might hurt your intimacy; venting occasionally to a trustworthy friend won't.
Things I love:
- The emphasis on respectful words, actions, and body language
- Gratitude is so important!
- Her emphasis throughout the book is on what you, the wife, can do. It's not about what your husband is doing right or wrong or changing him. It's about changing you, and thus your marriage, for the better.
Things I dislike:
- Too much emphasis, bordering on blame, on the wife's role. Husband's choices, even good husbands, will effect the relationship too. (I like that her focus is on actionable choices a wife can make, I dislike that she claims
- Her casual attitude toward porn use
5 Star Advice
2 Star advertising (quit talking up your coaches.)
Loose a star for things that I *really* dislike.
Gain a star or two for containing best advice I've received from marriage book.
To begin with, this is not a Christian book. After reading the synopsis I assumed it was because it could be titled "How to Demonstrate Respect for Your Husband; the Wife's half of "Love and Respect.'"
Skill #1: Do at Least Three Things a Day for Your Own Pleasure
I was clued in when she spent the first chapter discussing self-care and figuring out what you really want. While I disagree that self-gratification is the path to happiness I totally agree with a big principle from this section: Don't rely on your husband to make you happy or give you fulfillment. It's not his job! You're placing a God-sized burden on a human being. Laura believes joy and satisfaction come from enjoying yourself; I believe true joy is only found in Christ, but general self care is still very important and often neglected. We agree: Your husband is not the source of ultimate joy, no matter how great he is! That acknowledgement is powerful.
Skill #2: Relinquish Control of People You Can't Control
""Helpful" in wife language is controlling in husband language." This was the big punch for me. I have spent way too much time "helping" my husband when he did NOT want my "help." Mea culpa. My Bad. I needed almost everything she said pertaining to husbands in this section. She brings a daughter into one example and I disagree with this approach in parenting. Teaching my children obedience and stewardship is 100% on my paper. That's part of my job as a parent.... but NOT a wife.
Skill #3: Receive Graciously
This was less eye-opening for me, but still good advice. My husband generally gives good gifts and I'm happy to receive them. I did need the part about receiving help with gratitude and NO criticism or "buts." "Thanks for doing the laundry, but next time could you remove things that are not dryer safe?" (This might actually be a different section, this concept pops up several times and was meddlin' with me every time.) She suggests catching him doing it right and making a big deal about how happy that makes you and how thankful you are.
Skill #4: Respect The Man You Chose
This is the crux of the approach to me, and a concept peppered throughout the book. RESPECT. "Respect means that you don't dismiss, criticize, contradict or try to teach him anything." It's hard to respect when you don't feel like it, but I expect and need him to love me even when I'm not being very lovely. So I should respect him if I don't feel he's being respectable. It makes ALL the difference.
Skill #5: Express Gratitude Three Times Daily
Thank you goes a long way. She also circles back to offering true thanks, not "Thanks but..." Gratitude will change your heart, and maybe your husband. Often the heart change is all that's really needed.
Skill #6: Strive to be Vulnerable
The concept here wasn't difficult for me because my husband and I are emotionally intimate. We are vulnerable with each other and have been throughout marriage. She offered a few helpful tips in this section though:
"[be vulnerable,] open and trusting enough to say "I miss you" instead of "you never spend time with me." ... simply say, "ouch!" when he's insensitive instead of retaliating. " The ouch thing is helpful because I'm an over explainer. I want to tell him exactly what hurt me, why it did, why he's wrong--yes I heard you apologize but I'm still telling you how hurt I am!! Of course that puts him on the defensive and makes him feel he can never do anything right. She also suggests here that you call a like minded friend if what you really need is just venting. Venting to your husband (about your husband) might hurt your intimacy; venting occasionally to a trustworthy friend won't.
Things I love:
- The emphasis on respectful words, actions, and body language
- Gratitude is so important!
- Her emphasis throughout the book is on what you, the wife, can do. It's not about what your husband is doing right or wrong or changing him. It's about changing you, and thus your marriage, for the better.
Things I dislike:
- Too much emphasis, bordering on blame, on the wife's role. Husband's choices, even good husbands, will effect the relationship too. (I like that her focus is on actionable choices a wife can make, I dislike that she claims
- Her casual attitude toward porn use
June 17, 2022
Woah. Where do I start?! Well, my friend is reading this and I would like to say there is some possible moments of “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water” moments with this book. Maybe.
Ok so here are the positives (my mom always taught me to look at the bright side and show others Grace, so here we go…) Laura Doyle absolutely wants to end all divorce. She has great intentions, which I appreciate. She makes a lot of good points about women’s contribution to marital dissension because of: nagging, complaining, whining, playing games, inadvertently trying to control your husband, not knowing what they want. She also gives some helpful advice to think about what you actually want - essentially manage your expectations with your husband instead of having this things you want, not telling him, and then punishing him for not giving you want you want.
Ok, so um let’s start with victim blaming. She definitely says some men are “bad men” who are serial abusers and cheaters. BUT emotional abuse - not a thing…wait, what?! She implies that emotional abuse can all be healed through her six intimacy skills….yep. Good news world - Laura Doyle has fixed all emotional abuse cases! 😡
Oh and how about every single chapter she rips apart all marriage counseling and therapy. Should anyone go to an educated trained specialist who has helped couples for years save there marriage.. NOPE! The only way you can possibly save your marriage is to follow her randomly found steps to intimacy…
Oh I have so many things to say, I can’t even say them all! She absolutely recommends manipulating your husband and tricking him into giving you what ever you want, irregardless of what he wants…it is beyond selfish on the part of the wife! Also, you should share everything that happens in your marriage with all of your friends. What about protecting your husband’s dignity and giving him grace…nope! Blab everything to your friend! She also recommends not telling your husband how you feel and just sweeping everything under the rug. Cause that usually works out. Plus, she has a whole chapter entitled “pretend to love your husband more than your children”. She admittedly is not a mother and references a time in a clients life where the dad undermined the mom. And that was all ok and we should be grateful?! Yep. That was the only example.
I could go on and on, but here are the chapter titles and some ridiculous and marriage damaging things in them:
“The Myth of Emotional abuse…” see comments above
“Your husband doesn’t want your opinion” - stuff it in, cause he doesn’t care
“Pretend to love your husband more than your children”
“Dishonesty is the best policy” - lie, lie, lie
“Communication is overrated” - I have a bachelors in communication so, um yeah…
“Your husband is better at money than you are” - true for me, but not for everyone…
“Why sex is better when you are married” - the title of this chapter isn’t terrible, but giving your husband a free pass to do pornography or whatever he wants irregardless of what you think…how is that “empowering” to a wife?!
Do I think you can better your marriage by reading this book? I hope so, but undermining all counselors and marriage counseling to have people become your coaches and go to your training?! Victim blaming, not ok. Claiming to have all the answers (with no base in research at all, just what worked in her marriage after fighting for only 6 years..) That actually seems pretty controlling to me… dare I even say it, sounds like someone who wants to lead a group of followers as their sole leader - like a cult leader..
Ok so here are the positives (my mom always taught me to look at the bright side and show others Grace, so here we go…) Laura Doyle absolutely wants to end all divorce. She has great intentions, which I appreciate. She makes a lot of good points about women’s contribution to marital dissension because of: nagging, complaining, whining, playing games, inadvertently trying to control your husband, not knowing what they want. She also gives some helpful advice to think about what you actually want - essentially manage your expectations with your husband instead of having this things you want, not telling him, and then punishing him for not giving you want you want.
Ok, so um let’s start with victim blaming. She definitely says some men are “bad men” who are serial abusers and cheaters. BUT emotional abuse - not a thing…wait, what?! She implies that emotional abuse can all be healed through her six intimacy skills….yep. Good news world - Laura Doyle has fixed all emotional abuse cases! 😡
Oh and how about every single chapter she rips apart all marriage counseling and therapy. Should anyone go to an educated trained specialist who has helped couples for years save there marriage.. NOPE! The only way you can possibly save your marriage is to follow her randomly found steps to intimacy…
Oh I have so many things to say, I can’t even say them all! She absolutely recommends manipulating your husband and tricking him into giving you what ever you want, irregardless of what he wants…it is beyond selfish on the part of the wife! Also, you should share everything that happens in your marriage with all of your friends. What about protecting your husband’s dignity and giving him grace…nope! Blab everything to your friend! She also recommends not telling your husband how you feel and just sweeping everything under the rug. Cause that usually works out. Plus, she has a whole chapter entitled “pretend to love your husband more than your children”. She admittedly is not a mother and references a time in a clients life where the dad undermined the mom. And that was all ok and we should be grateful?! Yep. That was the only example.
I could go on and on, but here are the chapter titles and some ridiculous and marriage damaging things in them:
“The Myth of Emotional abuse…” see comments above
“Your husband doesn’t want your opinion” - stuff it in, cause he doesn’t care
“Pretend to love your husband more than your children”
“Dishonesty is the best policy” - lie, lie, lie
“Communication is overrated” - I have a bachelors in communication so, um yeah…
“Your husband is better at money than you are” - true for me, but not for everyone…
“Why sex is better when you are married” - the title of this chapter isn’t terrible, but giving your husband a free pass to do pornography or whatever he wants irregardless of what you think…how is that “empowering” to a wife?!
Do I think you can better your marriage by reading this book? I hope so, but undermining all counselors and marriage counseling to have people become your coaches and go to your training?! Victim blaming, not ok. Claiming to have all the answers (with no base in research at all, just what worked in her marriage after fighting for only 6 years..) That actually seems pretty controlling to me… dare I even say it, sounds like someone who wants to lead a group of followers as their sole leader - like a cult leader..
April 26, 2020
There were a couple of good things that I gleaned from this book, but overall I completely disagree with her main premises. I would even say taking her premises too seriously can even be harmful. And I got really tired of her pushing her services and retreats and her trademarked intimacy skills.
First, the good things.
1) I appreciated her thoughts on helping women identify and value what they desire. So many of us have learned to automatically discount what we desire as selfish or unimportant or unrealistic. Learning to actually appreciate your own desires, from small things to big things, adds vitality to our lives and is really an undeveloped skill for many of us.
2) I also thought she made some good points about confusing courage and control. It’s easy to complain, to criticize, to be sure that my way is better somehow. But that doesn’t require courage to own up to what I really want. It’s easy to criticize that my husband is wearing a wrinkled shirt; it’s harder to say I’m afraid of what people think and I would like people at the party to be impressed by me, and how I’m afraid his wrinkled shirt will make me look bad. It’s harder to say that because it reveals my insecurities, so I’d much rather just criticize the way my husband dresses. Obviously, this is a superficial example, and there are times when my underlying fears and desires are much more legitimate. But either way, owning my own desires takes more courage and is more likely to be productive.
And now the bad things.
There are way too many to actually list them here. Pretty much the whole book. But in general, her premises are
1) Women care more about relationships, so women bear the responsibility for making sure their relationships are good.
2) If women stop being ridiculous, then their men will naturally and automatically be responsible, loving, generous, and fun. It’s like clockwork! So if your husband is not being all those amazing things, it’s definitely your own dang fault.
I think both of these premises are insulting to both women and men. It insults men because it assumes they’re merely reactive to their environments, with no internal drive to be good men in the face of even the slightest problem. It insults women because it places all responsibility on them, requires them to do all the work of a relationship, assumes that women will just be so happy as long as their husbands think they’re pretty and fun, and ensures that women will feel guilty if their husbands treat them badly. It even has a chapter calling verbal abuse a myth, saying that if your husband is verbally abusive, you probably started it or at least made it worse.
Look, I think there’s value in always looking at your own behavior, your own contribution to a problem. But that is not the same as your contribution being the entire problem. Like I said, I did find a couple of good points here. But I don’t think it was worth sifting through all the junk to get to it. And I find it annoying that I can’t even return the book to the library because of the pandemic, so I have to keep looking at it.
First, the good things.
1) I appreciated her thoughts on helping women identify and value what they desire. So many of us have learned to automatically discount what we desire as selfish or unimportant or unrealistic. Learning to actually appreciate your own desires, from small things to big things, adds vitality to our lives and is really an undeveloped skill for many of us.
2) I also thought she made some good points about confusing courage and control. It’s easy to complain, to criticize, to be sure that my way is better somehow. But that doesn’t require courage to own up to what I really want. It’s easy to criticize that my husband is wearing a wrinkled shirt; it’s harder to say I’m afraid of what people think and I would like people at the party to be impressed by me, and how I’m afraid his wrinkled shirt will make me look bad. It’s harder to say that because it reveals my insecurities, so I’d much rather just criticize the way my husband dresses. Obviously, this is a superficial example, and there are times when my underlying fears and desires are much more legitimate. But either way, owning my own desires takes more courage and is more likely to be productive.
And now the bad things.
There are way too many to actually list them here. Pretty much the whole book. But in general, her premises are
1) Women care more about relationships, so women bear the responsibility for making sure their relationships are good.
2) If women stop being ridiculous, then their men will naturally and automatically be responsible, loving, generous, and fun. It’s like clockwork! So if your husband is not being all those amazing things, it’s definitely your own dang fault.
I think both of these premises are insulting to both women and men. It insults men because it assumes they’re merely reactive to their environments, with no internal drive to be good men in the face of even the slightest problem. It insults women because it places all responsibility on them, requires them to do all the work of a relationship, assumes that women will just be so happy as long as their husbands think they’re pretty and fun, and ensures that women will feel guilty if their husbands treat them badly. It even has a chapter calling verbal abuse a myth, saying that if your husband is verbally abusive, you probably started it or at least made it worse.
Look, I think there’s value in always looking at your own behavior, your own contribution to a problem. But that is not the same as your contribution being the entire problem. Like I said, I did find a couple of good points here. But I don’t think it was worth sifting through all the junk to get to it. And I find it annoying that I can’t even return the book to the library because of the pandemic, so I have to keep looking at it.
November 16, 2020
I read this because someone highly recommended it. I have a very happy marriage, and as I read I recognized that we actually do many of the things the author recommends. I found it interesting to think things through that I’ve mostly just taken for granted, and also to glean some helpful advice to make things even better.
So why the two stars? Something about this book makes me uncomfortable, and it’s hard to put my finger on. It feels manipulative and formulaic. Even though on the surface it’s expressly against manipulation, the core reason to follow these principles seems to be so that your husband will be and do what you want. I also suspect the “just follow these six steps” approach. Ultimately, I really can’t think of anyone I’d recommend this book to without reservation.
So why the two stars? Something about this book makes me uncomfortable, and it’s hard to put my finger on. It feels manipulative and formulaic. Even though on the surface it’s expressly against manipulation, the core reason to follow these principles seems to be so that your husband will be and do what you want. I also suspect the “just follow these six steps” approach. Ultimately, I really can’t think of anyone I’d recommend this book to without reservation.
June 22, 2020
I really struggled to get through this, to keep an open mind throughout and try to glean helpful information but I kept bursting out in laughter and disbelief. I think The Pampered Wife would be a more apt title.
I'm paraphrasing here but:
1 Self-care. All the times.
2 Only ever say to husband: "I would love to have..." or "I would love it if you would... "
3 Only ever answer husband with: "Whatever you think!" and "I trust you!"
4 Relinquish tasks to husband to have more time for self-care
5 Femininity over Feminism: How to get more gifts, compliments, and help!
6 Dishonesty is the best policy! If he's bad at something just tell him he's the best!
"In fact, your vulnerability is what made your man fall for you above everyone else... That's what made him want to commit to you forever" Um, how can she even write that? Did all her other readers get saved by their future husbands from a well? This book has no PC and no science, and although it somehow also has no politics and no religion; it still kind of reeks of MAGA. Also, she has no kids.
I'm paraphrasing here but:
1 Self-care. All the times.
2 Only ever say to husband: "I would love to have..." or "I would love it if you would... "
3 Only ever answer husband with: "Whatever you think!" and "I trust you!"
4 Relinquish tasks to husband to have more time for self-care
5 Femininity over Feminism: How to get more gifts, compliments, and help!
6 Dishonesty is the best policy! If he's bad at something just tell him he's the best!
"In fact, your vulnerability is what made your man fall for you above everyone else... That's what made him want to commit to you forever" Um, how can she even write that? Did all her other readers get saved by their future husbands from a well? This book has no PC and no science, and although it somehow also has no politics and no religion; it still kind of reeks of MAGA. Also, she has no kids.
April 17, 2024
Before you read this review you need to know that she is selling a product. Her writing/editing/ presentation of her approach is not my style. She plasters you with phrases like : "Fire your marriage counselor" and "This will change your marriage RIGHT NOW"...etc
March 9, 2023
First the positives! Great, practical, helpful advice was littered through this book. Stuff that truly will change people’s marriages for the better. While I’m not sure if the author is Christian, she seemed to hit on things the Bible recommends for a good marriage. Respect being a major one. I really liked the sections on complaining and controlling the relationship. I think society often makes women the victim when we often times contribute to a large portion of our marriage problems. I also liked her writing on gratitude and felt like it was a good reminder! It was interesting to read about her feelings toward marriage counseling and how she feels that it creates a culture of disrespect and embarrassment for husbands. While I’ve had some progress with counseling, I can see where she is coming from and think she makes some good points.
The negatives! I felt like I was reading a book written by an Arbonne saleswoman. Like we get it, you have marriage retreats and coaches and have trademarked your 6 intimacy skills. It was annoying how the author spoke about herself, as if following her plan is a foolproof way to a good marriage even if he’s abusive or financially irresponsible, or even cheats. She puts almost all responsibility on the woman and acts as if a man can only respond to his wife’s actions. Obviously, it’s written to women and so I understand she wants to speak about the things we can change in ourselves, but I feel like women who have genuinely bad husbands might internalize her message. She was also very dismissive of porn use and said it’s not a wife’s responsibility to control her husbands sexual urges. Like whaaa?! As someone who sees porn as cheating, this was enough for me to dock a star. The overall attitude of the book is very salesy and simplistic. Just do this and all your problems will be solved.
Is it worth reading? Ya, if you’re grounded enough in biblical truth to sift out the junk.
The negatives! I felt like I was reading a book written by an Arbonne saleswoman. Like we get it, you have marriage retreats and coaches and have trademarked your 6 intimacy skills. It was annoying how the author spoke about herself, as if following her plan is a foolproof way to a good marriage even if he’s abusive or financially irresponsible, or even cheats. She puts almost all responsibility on the woman and acts as if a man can only respond to his wife’s actions. Obviously, it’s written to women and so I understand she wants to speak about the things we can change in ourselves, but I feel like women who have genuinely bad husbands might internalize her message. She was also very dismissive of porn use and said it’s not a wife’s responsibility to control her husbands sexual urges. Like whaaa?! As someone who sees porn as cheating, this was enough for me to dock a star. The overall attitude of the book is very salesy and simplistic. Just do this and all your problems will be solved.
Is it worth reading? Ya, if you’re grounded enough in biblical truth to sift out the junk.
May 13, 2021
Two thumbs up! I feel empowered in my marriage! Laura Doyle has offered me some wisdom that has already proven beneficial in improving relations with my husband--and we have been together for 27 years. I only regret I didn't get my hands on this book sooner.
The six intimacy skills are truly transformational, but also very simple and NOT manipulative. Because I was raised in a "girls-can-do-anything-boys-can-do" culture, these skills seem counter-intuitive to me. However, I'm gaining understanding and respect for the differences between men and women and how we, women, can harness our natural powers and abilities to improve our own marriage--single-handedly! I am discovering several mistakes I have been making and how to replace those behaviors with better alternatives which produce exactly what I want.
One skill the author introduces is doing 3 things every day that make you feel good--disclaimer that laundry and housework don't ever count for this. Because self-care is something not natural to me (I'm a Mom of 5, does that explain anything?), I have to consciously make an effort each day to accomplish that objective. With this change and some changes in the way I communicate my desires, I'm already seeing positive results in the way my husband responds to me. This is seriously transformational! I recommend this book for any wife who wants to improve her marriage!
The six intimacy skills are truly transformational, but also very simple and NOT manipulative. Because I was raised in a "girls-can-do-anything-boys-can-do" culture, these skills seem counter-intuitive to me. However, I'm gaining understanding and respect for the differences between men and women and how we, women, can harness our natural powers and abilities to improve our own marriage--single-handedly! I am discovering several mistakes I have been making and how to replace those behaviors with better alternatives which produce exactly what I want.
One skill the author introduces is doing 3 things every day that make you feel good--disclaimer that laundry and housework don't ever count for this. Because self-care is something not natural to me (I'm a Mom of 5, does that explain anything?), I have to consciously make an effort each day to accomplish that objective. With this change and some changes in the way I communicate my desires, I'm already seeing positive results in the way my husband responds to me. This is seriously transformational! I recommend this book for any wife who wants to improve her marriage!
June 12, 2021
Do not share this book with your friends that have been struggling to get out of abusive and alcoholic marriages! Divorce is one of the hardest decisions of your life. It takes years of struggle to come to this decision. I used to think that I could help our marriage and was the good wife, took care of all household chores, the finances, the kids, anything that he didn't want to be bothered with. Nothing I did would change him to be a nicer, better person. He had been verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my children. He has lived a very risky lifestyle that has compromised our safety. He refuses any help with addictions. Toxic relationships are worse for your children than divorce. Divorce is not ideal, but when your safety depends on it, get out! Do not tolerate abuse because someone tells you, that you need to be less of a nag, and a more supportive wife. This book clearly isn't for everyone.
May 25, 2017
This was my favorite of Laura Doyle's books. She just keep fine tuning it and making it better.
Women hold all the power because we are the gatekeeper for sex and men have such a strong desire to see us women happy and smiling (this is their purpose). If you give them the information they need - they will use it to make your dreams come true. They really do thrive on your satisfaction and happiness. All you have to do is be nice and respect them and use their language. Men are beautiful.
Loved this book. Changed my marriage.
Women hold all the power because we are the gatekeeper for sex and men have such a strong desire to see us women happy and smiling (this is their purpose). If you give them the information they need - they will use it to make your dreams come true. They really do thrive on your satisfaction and happiness. All you have to do is be nice and respect them and use their language. Men are beautiful.
Loved this book. Changed my marriage.
June 25, 2023
This book came highly recommended as a vital resource to a marriage I admire and respect. While I did not agree with Doyle’s consistent admonition of counseling and felt internal friction while reading some of her tips, I do think this book is worth reading and hope I can find close friends to dialogue about it. Ending worldwide divorce is a cause I can absolutely get behind and I believe the six intimacy skills Doyle has broken down here are truly a way to do just that. Thank you for being brave enough to share this wisdom, Laura Doyle!
March 12, 2024
I just want all my friends to read this book so we can discuss it and apply it together.
July 6, 2024
I hate admitting that I’ve read a marriage book or even log it here, because I’m afraid friends etc will assume my marriage needs help, but this book was so good that I had to put it on here. I think I agree with almost everything and I really think it would be good for all women to read this book. We’re never really told how to be in a relationship with a man, we usually do what our mom’s did or what we think they did or what our friends do or what TV shows say are normal in relationships. And none of this really works. This book does a good job of briefly explaining a man’s perspective and then telling you how to get the marriage you want working with your husband rather than trying to change him to be like a woman.
I have read several books on marriage that say the ball is in the wife’s court when it comes to working on marriage, this one takes that approach too, but far better than the others. The title says it all, Empowered. She basically says that women hold the keys to a successful marriage and tells you how to use them to your best advantage. I will read this again.
I have read several books on marriage that say the ball is in the wife’s court when it comes to working on marriage, this one takes that approach too, but far better than the others. The title says it all, Empowered. She basically says that women hold the keys to a successful marriage and tells you how to use them to your best advantage. I will read this again.
April 22, 2025
2025: good refresher
2024: For some, it may seem that the author—by only speaking to women—holds that everything is a woman’s fault. This is not true. But, women hold a lot of power and influence. “A wise woman builds her house, a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands” and words. This book is secular but illustrates in color what disrespect looks like. It turns out that “a gracious woman gets honor.”
To get these “surprising secrets” Laura went and asked advice from happily married couples, married for longer than 15 years. Titus 2 actually works!
2024: For some, it may seem that the author—by only speaking to women—holds that everything is a woman’s fault. This is not true. But, women hold a lot of power and influence. “A wise woman builds her house, a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands” and words. This book is secular but illustrates in color what disrespect looks like. It turns out that “a gracious woman gets honor.”
To get these “surprising secrets” Laura went and asked advice from happily married couples, married for longer than 15 years. Titus 2 actually works!
October 21, 2025
3.5 rounded up.
The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle offers relationship advice focused on restoring connection and intimacy by encouraging women to let go of control and practice respect and self-care. Through her six intimacy skills, Doyle teaches readers how to create more harmony in marriage by changing their own attitudes and behaviors rather than trying to change their partners.
Good advice, but I didn't like the narrative of how it is all on the woman. I will give her skills a try.
The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle offers relationship advice focused on restoring connection and intimacy by encouraging women to let go of control and practice respect and self-care. Through her six intimacy skills, Doyle teaches readers how to create more harmony in marriage by changing their own attitudes and behaviors rather than trying to change their partners.
Good advice, but I didn't like the narrative of how it is all on the woman. I will give her skills a try.
December 23, 2025
Don’t waste your time. I did not make it to the end and only started it at all because it was a book club pick.
It’s chock full of cliches and reads like a diet commercial promising a perfect beach body, only trade your magic pill for the her “six secret skills” and you’ll have an ideal marriage in under two weeks!
I don’t appreciate how often she discredits counselors and other professionals, and yet it isn’t clear what qualifies her as an expert on marriage beyond the fact that she’s been married 15 years at the time of the book’s publishing.
In a story of how she discounted anything a counselor said to her because she witnessed an interaction between the counselor and the counselor’s spouse which she did not like, she states, “Only people with a good marriage have good advice on marriage.” I’m not sure what this says of people who may have not remained married but have loads of wisdom they learned from their experience.
She also takes abuse extremely lightly and basically says if your husband complains, neglects, or harms you (yeah, they’re kinda all lumped in together) it’s probably not that he’s a bad guy but that you haven’t followed her six secret skills so you’re getting it all wrong.
Everything falls on the woman. The blame, the responsibility, and the so-called power you can have over your husband. Just follow her regime and you will have an adoring husband who dotes on you, listens to your desires, and never fights with you anymore because now he knows what you want and will rise up to be your hero! But again, what is this promise based on? This book is not the result of research or surveys or collective study, simply her personal story and accounts of her clients from her coaching program which she constantly promotes throughout.
It’s chock full of cliches and reads like a diet commercial promising a perfect beach body, only trade your magic pill for the her “six secret skills” and you’ll have an ideal marriage in under two weeks!
I don’t appreciate how often she discredits counselors and other professionals, and yet it isn’t clear what qualifies her as an expert on marriage beyond the fact that she’s been married 15 years at the time of the book’s publishing.
In a story of how she discounted anything a counselor said to her because she witnessed an interaction between the counselor and the counselor’s spouse which she did not like, she states, “Only people with a good marriage have good advice on marriage.” I’m not sure what this says of people who may have not remained married but have loads of wisdom they learned from their experience.
She also takes abuse extremely lightly and basically says if your husband complains, neglects, or harms you (yeah, they’re kinda all lumped in together) it’s probably not that he’s a bad guy but that you haven’t followed her six secret skills so you’re getting it all wrong.
Everything falls on the woman. The blame, the responsibility, and the so-called power you can have over your husband. Just follow her regime and you will have an adoring husband who dotes on you, listens to your desires, and never fights with you anymore because now he knows what you want and will rise up to be your hero! But again, what is this promise based on? This book is not the result of research or surveys or collective study, simply her personal story and accounts of her clients from her coaching program which she constantly promotes throughout.
May 25, 2021
Boy-o-boy did I struggle and wrestle with this book. After reading the introduction I wanted to physically destroy the book. I was angry. I could not believe the sexist garbage Doyle was spewing. However, I persevered and kept reading because the person who gave me the book said that they had heard an interview with the author and that they notice similarities in their own actions. What I learned was that I was breaking all of the six "surprising secrets" that Doyle professes hurt a marriage and lead to hardship and divorce.
As I continued reading, I came to understand how some of her arguments made a bit of sense but it was still difficult for me to fully embrace her arguments, especially her presentation style which comes across as "You are doing it (marriage) all wrong and are emasculating your husband. I have all the answers, let me help you." Her points at times felt manipulative and came across like I needed to fool my husband into "compliance" or "giving me what I wanted" through the magical power of positive reinforcement. Doyle recommends women "suggest" or "wish" aloud for what they want because this would allow husbands (who are always on the lookout for ways to please their wives) the opportunity to make their wives happy.
This book is completely countercultural to everything both men and women have been taught when it comes to communication in relationships --> be calm and clear about what we want and need from our relationships and communicate these things in a respectful manner. Much of what we, as women, have viewed as strength and independence is viewed by Doyle as detrimental and faulty to a man's masculinity and self esteem. I just finished reading this book and although there are points that I can see that I can improve on when it comes to communicating with my spouse, Doyle's presentation and style still remain a real turnoff. I wonder how many women have burned this book or hit their husbands over the head with it.
As I continued reading, I came to understand how some of her arguments made a bit of sense but it was still difficult for me to fully embrace her arguments, especially her presentation style which comes across as "You are doing it (marriage) all wrong and are emasculating your husband. I have all the answers, let me help you." Her points at times felt manipulative and came across like I needed to fool my husband into "compliance" or "giving me what I wanted" through the magical power of positive reinforcement. Doyle recommends women "suggest" or "wish" aloud for what they want because this would allow husbands (who are always on the lookout for ways to please their wives) the opportunity to make their wives happy.
This book is completely countercultural to everything both men and women have been taught when it comes to communication in relationships --> be calm and clear about what we want and need from our relationships and communicate these things in a respectful manner. Much of what we, as women, have viewed as strength and independence is viewed by Doyle as detrimental and faulty to a man's masculinity and self esteem. I just finished reading this book and although there are points that I can see that I can improve on when it comes to communicating with my spouse, Doyle's presentation and style still remain a real turnoff. I wonder how many women have burned this book or hit their husbands over the head with it.
November 18, 2019
My feelings about this book are complicated. Did it bring up some things that I need to address in my own actions as a wife currently in a marriage in crisis? Yes. Do I think some of the suggestions in the book have the potential to help heal my relationship with my husband? Yes. Have I recommended the book to other women who feel their relationship could use some healing? Yes...with a few notes.
The issues and techniques covered seem pretty common sense, but obviously if they are issues creating distance and tension in a marriage they need some attention. That being said, the tone of the book can feel a bit sexist at times. While there are obviously some differences in how men and women approach relationships, it's hard for me to feel comfortable plugging men and women into the simple stereotypes the author seems to create. I also strongly disliked how much reading this book felt like reading a 200 page infomercial. I understand the desire to market related services, but as a wife in a marriage in crisis, I almost put the book down when the suggestion to check out the program to become a relationship coach came in the first 50 pages of the book. Really? My marriage is in crisis. The last thing I feel like I need to be doing is coaching others on how to have a strong relationship.
Over all, there are parts of this book that already hav and will continue to influence how I communicate with my spouse to help check my control tendencies that don't always show the great respect I have for the man that I married. But given the infomercial/multilevel marketing feel of some of the promotion of the related workshops/trainings/online communities, I rather doubt I will ever chose to explore deeper into this author's other books and services.
The issues and techniques covered seem pretty common sense, but obviously if they are issues creating distance and tension in a marriage they need some attention. That being said, the tone of the book can feel a bit sexist at times. While there are obviously some differences in how men and women approach relationships, it's hard for me to feel comfortable plugging men and women into the simple stereotypes the author seems to create. I also strongly disliked how much reading this book felt like reading a 200 page infomercial. I understand the desire to market related services, but as a wife in a marriage in crisis, I almost put the book down when the suggestion to check out the program to become a relationship coach came in the first 50 pages of the book. Really? My marriage is in crisis. The last thing I feel like I need to be doing is coaching others on how to have a strong relationship.
Over all, there are parts of this book that already hav and will continue to influence how I communicate with my spouse to help check my control tendencies that don't always show the great respect I have for the man that I married. But given the infomercial/multilevel marketing feel of some of the promotion of the related workshops/trainings/online communities, I rather doubt I will ever chose to explore deeper into this author's other books and services.
December 16, 2022
I don’t write many reviews, but this one needed one. In the interest of full disclosure, I enjoy marriage books to see if I can glean any new ideas and wisdom, but my marriage is not on the fritz and my husband and I already have a good relationship. As I read this book, it became obvious that the book is intended more for marriages that are at the end of their rope, so my opinions could be less useful since I’m not exactly the target audience. I also have to say, there came a point where I couldn’t handle much more so I did not fully finish this book.
I picked this up because it came highly recommended by someone I respect. I gave it 2 stars instead of 1 because there were occasionally some very good ideas that I hadn’t considered before. It’s too bad the rest of the book is full of bad advice that completely ruins the good.
The Author uses her own jaded experience with marriage counseling as a reason to tell people to never go to marriage counseling, ever. She expressly believes it will never help anyone and I just don’t agree. She also believes there is no such thing as emotional abuse, and that being sweeter to your husband will resolve physical abuse and infidelity. One of her pieces of advice is to focus on self care, which I agree with, but her methods are completely out of reach for people with young kids. I started to wonder if she even had kids and then later she stated that she did not… but she was still giving advice about it. There are too many things that bothered me to name and I just had to stop reading it.
I picked this up because it came highly recommended by someone I respect. I gave it 2 stars instead of 1 because there were occasionally some very good ideas that I hadn’t considered before. It’s too bad the rest of the book is full of bad advice that completely ruins the good.
The Author uses her own jaded experience with marriage counseling as a reason to tell people to never go to marriage counseling, ever. She expressly believes it will never help anyone and I just don’t agree. She also believes there is no such thing as emotional abuse, and that being sweeter to your husband will resolve physical abuse and infidelity. One of her pieces of advice is to focus on self care, which I agree with, but her methods are completely out of reach for people with young kids. I started to wonder if she even had kids and then later she stated that she did not… but she was still giving advice about it. There are too many things that bothered me to name and I just had to stop reading it.
February 9, 2024
I'm trying to have grace for the author when I recognize she wrote this book one year after I was married at 25 thus this book was likely not written with millennials like myself in mind. I found it very hard to engage with. I have a great marriage and came for tips to help myself improve. I'm not sure there is anything for me here aside from prioritizing daily self care and trying to reduce needless complaining.
This book is filled with sexist assumptions that don't fit my situation (men are better with money, women are the fun, lighthearted and sexy partner and men are stupid and dull and just want to give us everything, women can use their feminine wiles to get what they want from husbands, should not be honest with their partners, and should confide in their girlfriends instead of husbands). The worst for me was that the author seems to blame divorce on women because women initiate the majority of divorces. She doesn't see women initiating divorces because they are unhappy living in a patriarchal system as a fault in men. In fact, nothing is ever the fault of men. It is always the women who started it first. I should not need to be cutesy and quiet to have a successful marriage. I should not need to "pretend I love my husband more than my children" so he feels secure. I am feminine but I am not weak, meek, submissive.
This book is filled with sexist assumptions that don't fit my situation (men are better with money, women are the fun, lighthearted and sexy partner and men are stupid and dull and just want to give us everything, women can use their feminine wiles to get what they want from husbands, should not be honest with their partners, and should confide in their girlfriends instead of husbands). The worst for me was that the author seems to blame divorce on women because women initiate the majority of divorces. She doesn't see women initiating divorces because they are unhappy living in a patriarchal system as a fault in men. In fact, nothing is ever the fault of men. It is always the women who started it first. I should not need to be cutesy and quiet to have a successful marriage. I should not need to "pretend I love my husband more than my children" so he feels secure. I am feminine but I am not weak, meek, submissive.
July 2, 2024
I was SO skeptical. I was SO annoyed the first three chapters...and now my life and marriage is forever changed.
I am beyond grateful for this book. Doyle told me in this small simple anecdotal book everything any wise woman has ever told me about myself or marriage, what my marriage counselor tried to get me to understand, and what my husband begged (or yelled) at me to understand for the past 15 years... I guess I just couldn't hear it unless a cheerful, giddy, goofy lady-with-a-redeemed-marriage said it to me.
This book truly does empower women. I am not only a better wife because of this book, but a better woman. I am happier, more confident, and yet all the more aware of my failings. I have a much more clear view on relationships at large, and am less anxious about them. My favorite thing to recommend doing while reading this: Don't tell your husband about it at all! Just do what Doyle says and watch the magic happen.
I am sending this book to SO many people. I applaud Laura for her beautiful and worthy life-goal of "Ending world divorce" and would gladly join her in that mission... just so long as she stops saying, "The six intimacy skills..." (You'll agree with me after you've read the book).
I am beyond grateful for this book. Doyle told me in this small simple anecdotal book everything any wise woman has ever told me about myself or marriage, what my marriage counselor tried to get me to understand, and what my husband begged (or yelled) at me to understand for the past 15 years... I guess I just couldn't hear it unless a cheerful, giddy, goofy lady-with-a-redeemed-marriage said it to me.
This book truly does empower women. I am not only a better wife because of this book, but a better woman. I am happier, more confident, and yet all the more aware of my failings. I have a much more clear view on relationships at large, and am less anxious about them. My favorite thing to recommend doing while reading this: Don't tell your husband about it at all! Just do what Doyle says and watch the magic happen.
I am sending this book to SO many people. I applaud Laura for her beautiful and worthy life-goal of "Ending world divorce" and would gladly join her in that mission... just so long as she stops saying, "The six intimacy skills..." (You'll agree with me after you've read the book).
January 8, 2024
I decided it was worth adding this somewhat embarrassing title to my Goodreads because I think you should read it (if you are a wife).
I read this book to see if I could recommend it along with Laura Doyle’s other troublingly named books - The Surrendered Wife and First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors - and indeed I heartily do. None hit a tone I quite like, so, I suggest you read the one whose title bothers you the least because their content is all the same and it is spot-on.
If you’ve read Love and Respect or Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands or Men are From Mars or others of that ilk, you’ll find this written from a similar perspective but way (WAY) more practical and therefore useful.
It’s not written from a Christian perspective but I think readers can easily benefit from its wisdom with a discerning eye.
Realizing I sound like a paid marketer (I am not! I endure the embarrassment of these titles too and paid for the kindle version myself!), I personally know of more than one marriage that was saved by Laura Doyle’s books and plan to buy some copies to stick in those Little Free Libraries around town because I think her advice is that valuable.
I read this book to see if I could recommend it along with Laura Doyle’s other troublingly named books - The Surrendered Wife and First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors - and indeed I heartily do. None hit a tone I quite like, so, I suggest you read the one whose title bothers you the least because their content is all the same and it is spot-on.
If you’ve read Love and Respect or Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands or Men are From Mars or others of that ilk, you’ll find this written from a similar perspective but way (WAY) more practical and therefore useful.
It’s not written from a Christian perspective but I think readers can easily benefit from its wisdom with a discerning eye.
Realizing I sound like a paid marketer (I am not! I endure the embarrassment of these titles too and paid for the kindle version myself!), I personally know of more than one marriage that was saved by Laura Doyle’s books and plan to buy some copies to stick in those Little Free Libraries around town because I think her advice is that valuable.
November 20, 2022
overall, it has provided some game changers for our marriage. Here's a few to list. I found it really helpful how she describes respecting and what it means and how it can be applied practically. Self care, expressing your desires, saying "I cant" and things of that nature.
however, after reading and almost finishing the book second time round I had to just stop. I just felt that there was a big thing that if you are marriage wasn't doing well, "you are the problem." I feel that a lot here is putting mostly all responsibilities on wife. If you are someone who is struggling in your marriage this book is a hard read, I'll just put it out there. It makes you feel like its all your fault and if you did what you should or shouldn't do, then things would be better and different. Another thing it highly defends husbands, while this book is not for husbands, it seems to say that if you do these things right then everything in your marriage will be great. Communication is not really a priority. You don't necessarily need to exchange too many words to have great communication....
some of the skills are great, and do make life easier if and when implied. There is still a big teaching that says if you're upset, sad, or feeling anything other than happy, you need self care. You should always be a happy-go-lucky person (GOFL Goddess of fun and light), your husband should only see you happy and enjoying every moment of your life, his goal is to make you happy (which is true), so your goal is to show him that it is possible and you are pleasable. Well, can I just say that sometimes things don't work that way? If he said something to hurt my feelings I feel that I SHOULD be able to verbalize and share that, and not use self care as a way to "fix me" back to happy self again. urgh. These things I can't agree with. To me it speaks that I don't matter, my feelings don't matter, as long as I'm been the fun person, and pleasable, respectful and relinquishing control, everything should work together.
however, after reading and almost finishing the book second time round I had to just stop. I just felt that there was a big thing that if you are marriage wasn't doing well, "you are the problem." I feel that a lot here is putting mostly all responsibilities on wife. If you are someone who is struggling in your marriage this book is a hard read, I'll just put it out there. It makes you feel like its all your fault and if you did what you should or shouldn't do, then things would be better and different. Another thing it highly defends husbands, while this book is not for husbands, it seems to say that if you do these things right then everything in your marriage will be great. Communication is not really a priority. You don't necessarily need to exchange too many words to have great communication....
some of the skills are great, and do make life easier if and when implied. There is still a big teaching that says if you're upset, sad, or feeling anything other than happy, you need self care. You should always be a happy-go-lucky person (GOFL Goddess of fun and light), your husband should only see you happy and enjoying every moment of your life, his goal is to make you happy (which is true), so your goal is to show him that it is possible and you are pleasable. Well, can I just say that sometimes things don't work that way? If he said something to hurt my feelings I feel that I SHOULD be able to verbalize and share that, and not use self care as a way to "fix me" back to happy self again. urgh. These things I can't agree with. To me it speaks that I don't matter, my feelings don't matter, as long as I'm been the fun person, and pleasable, respectful and relinquishing control, everything should work together.
February 17, 2022
Pretty sexist and old-fashioned but no worse than things my family members say.
The gold is in the advice on how to interact with your partner in a way that is respectful and loving no matter the context. Throughout this whole book, I could see all the ways in which my parents did all the wrong things with each other that made their relationship so toxic. And I recognized the ways in which I’ve done things without realizing that they prevented me from growing in my own relationship; and that when I changed my behavior, that’s when I got amazing growth spurts in my marriage.
Really, overlooking the gender stereotyping and the shameless plug for the author’s training program, for a marriage between a man and a woman, she has some stellar advice. And many also cross over into other relationships with friends and family.
I listened to this on audiobook and though the narrator/author was pretty corny, it had me hooked.
The gold is in the advice on how to interact with your partner in a way that is respectful and loving no matter the context. Throughout this whole book, I could see all the ways in which my parents did all the wrong things with each other that made their relationship so toxic. And I recognized the ways in which I’ve done things without realizing that they prevented me from growing in my own relationship; and that when I changed my behavior, that’s when I got amazing growth spurts in my marriage.
Really, overlooking the gender stereotyping and the shameless plug for the author’s training program, for a marriage between a man and a woman, she has some stellar advice. And many also cross over into other relationships with friends and family.
I listened to this on audiobook and though the narrator/author was pretty corny, it had me hooked.
February 19, 2023
Although there are some practical tools to implement into your marriage, I felt like the negative outweighed the positive. The author is very against marriage counseling, so much so she starts each chapter with “a marriage counselor may tell you…” (which are all usually inaccurate) to support why her “6 intimacy skills” are better. If you’re seeing a counselor that has the approach she claims they have, you’re seeing a bad counselor. Other points, such as if you don’t like your spouse watching pornography, you have to let him do what he needs to do to be sexually fulfilled, and maybe there’s a root cause, such as your lack of respect. A lot of opinions that are not backed up with any solid research. The few good tips are not worth the time I invested in reading this book.
May 3, 2023
Every wife should read this book. I have read a lot of relationship books and this one is by far the most realistic, applicable, and impactful of them all. And bonus, it's a quick, light read. A lot of the advice is stuff I'm already doing, but it's things I've had to learn through trial and error. It's nice to know that I'm doing some things right and have sound advice now on how to improve my relationship further. I could have saved a lot of heartache by reading this one years ago.
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