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The Creature's Cookbook
I am a monster.
The kind that eats people.
Yes, we are real, but do feel free to doubt me — your doubt stocks my freezer.
I have wandered this globe for centuries, cultivating a unique understanding of the human condition — and an epicurean taste for the villain. In the strictest sense, I’m a humanitarian.
Welcome to my diary — where modern skepticism has enabled me to divulge my secrets and my recipes. It has damsels, danger, desire, but unlike fairytales, dire consequence. You will discover a history untold, learn the many culinary uses for blood, and if nothing else, acquire the handy skill of how to spot one of us in a crowd. Or a dimly lit alley.
This sojourn into the dark meat of the soul is an experiment of sorts. Fiction, the fried food of the mind, is crippling human intellect. Let us see if you can digest this manifesto and know it for the truth it is.
Let us see if you are one of the interesting ones.
Can only be found on the Tapas App: https://tapastic.com/series/thecreatu...
The kind that eats people.
Yes, we are real, but do feel free to doubt me — your doubt stocks my freezer.
I have wandered this globe for centuries, cultivating a unique understanding of the human condition — and an epicurean taste for the villain. In the strictest sense, I’m a humanitarian.
Welcome to my diary — where modern skepticism has enabled me to divulge my secrets and my recipes. It has damsels, danger, desire, but unlike fairytales, dire consequence. You will discover a history untold, learn the many culinary uses for blood, and if nothing else, acquire the handy skill of how to spot one of us in a crowd. Or a dimly lit alley.
This sojourn into the dark meat of the soul is an experiment of sorts. Fiction, the fried food of the mind, is crippling human intellect. Let us see if you can digest this manifesto and know it for the truth it is.
Let us see if you are one of the interesting ones.
Can only be found on the Tapas App: https://tapastic.com/series/thecreatu...
- GenresHorror
ebook
Published January 1, 2016
16 people are currently reading
201 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
September 24, 2020
I can't decide if the fact that this novel was very obviously written by a white man is distracting from the story or whether it actually makes sense within the context of the narrative. Simon claims to be a creature that was "born" in Europe and spent centuries on the continent (mostly in the far western countries of France and England) before traveling to the pre-US colonies to live essentially as a white man. So, the monster is as steeped in the prejudices and so-called "color-blindness" of liberal (he describes himself as a liberal and Democrat voter), white America as anyone else within the culture, albeit with a longer memory of its origins. I'm not going to go too far in depth to describe specific examples of what gives it away, but I think if you read the story it will be clear. Almost all characters whose appearances are described in enough detail to determine race (and all those who are integral to the story) are apparently white. The sole exception so far, and I'm about 80% through the book, is an elderly Indigineous woman whose skintone is described as "cinnamon." The criminal victims that he kills and eats are conveniently not described beyond body-type and tattoos, although there are some vaguely racialized implications to their language. Every mention of a non-European ethnicity is posited as the "other" in the context where it appears (which, again, could make sense as Simon is apparently perceived as a white man and lives in the hegemony of whiteness that is the US). The author does make sure to note his disgust towards the practice of American slavery, however.
So I'm giving it 2 stars because the whole color-blindness schtick is annoying since it can't even really be carried out to a degree differing from the perspective of an actual white, human man living in the West. Oh, and I know it's a man by how he describes women and their status as 1-dimensional victims of circumstance.
Other than that it's a fun story and easy to read. Simon's existential turmoil surrounding their status as a parasite on humanity, who adores but can only mimic the creative spirit of humankind while requiring human death for sustenance, is interesting.
So I'm giving it 2 stars because the whole color-blindness schtick is annoying since it can't even really be carried out to a degree differing from the perspective of an actual white, human man living in the West. Oh, and I know it's a man by how he describes women and their status as 1-dimensional victims of circumstance.
Other than that it's a fun story and easy to read. Simon's existential turmoil surrounding their status as a parasite on humanity, who adores but can only mimic the creative spirit of humankind while requiring human death for sustenance, is interesting.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 26, 2016
This book is not for the faint of heart, or the closed of mind. The tale it tells is unique, fascinating, and just a teensy bit terrifying. The author purports to be a real, true, people-eating monster, and gives every evidence of being just that. Whether you wish to believe him or not, though, the story is magnificent, well-written, and captivating. It can be slightly macabre in places, but that comes along with reading a book about a monster that eats people, so be warned.
December 3, 2020
I can’t believe no one has mentioned how the “love interest” in this book is very definitely just Gordon Ramsey with the serial numbers filed off
April 9, 2022
I'm not totally sure how I came across this delightful book but I am SO glad I did! Thought it was actually a cookbook- it does have recipes- but it turns out it is a great story too. Written in blog form by the creature, it chronicles his experiment in being more human. We don't know exactly what kind of monster he is, but he "passes" in regular society and makes a good human. I don't want to go into the story too far, but it is terrific. Most gore is just implied and there's no sex. All I can say is, read this book!
January 26, 2022
I love Simon. I love that it makes me think about human existence, the good and the bad. Highly recommend.
March 1, 2017
a note: i ran a blog dedicated to book reviews years ago, but it has since been long abandoned; i don’t do reviews much anymore in general, and while i haven’t reviewed a book since leaving that blog, i’ll happily break that for simon alkenmayer. i’m not being paid or gifted anything in return for this —- the only benefit i received was having the pleasure of reading this book. this is my effort to repay him for writing and sharing it with the world.
i discovered his tumblr several months ago, back in august of 2016, just a few days after i’d returned to my campus, and thus i discovered “the creature’s cookbook”. i managed to read it in my spare time, but it did take a while, and, upon finally finishing it, i decided i wasn’t okay with leaving a review then. make no mistake, this has nothing to do with the book itself, and everything to do with me and how i went about using my time; it’d been too long since i initially started reading it, and i didn’t want to give this anything other than my absolute best —- nevertheless, i swore to simon that i would leave a review as soon as i was able, and this is me tending to that promise with my response to my recent reread of his book.
first and foremost, i must commend simon on his articulate writing. personally, i walk quite a thin line in regards to what style of writing i prefer, and it ultimately comes down to the individual. how a person utilises each word, every phrase, every attempt to instil imagery within their readers and convey what they intend to —- simon does this spectacularly and without fail with a simple yet beautiful turn of words, and it pays off immensely when a reader such as myself is effortlessly hauled into his point of view.
simon’s story is one of intense intricacy, one that weaves its way through the ages and docks in the present, where he continues to live his life among us and interact with us in many ways day to day. whether one takes it as truth or ascribes it to an incredibly dedicated tale of otherworldly fiction, it’s rather hard to deny that he’s done an extraordinary job of telling it —- both through his books and short stories, and by answering questions sent to his tumblr.
before i wrap this up, i want to contribute a special note about rebecca (another promise i made to simon after mentioning this to him); having thought it over for a while now (since my first reading of “the creature’s cookbook”), i’ve come to realise just how well i relate to her. i find the ways in which she reacted to simon easily interchangeable with my own! no, not every single thing aligns perfectly, but based off what we’re told of her behaviour, i can’t help but notice just how like-minded we seem to be, at least when it comes to learning of the existence of man-eating monsters. i believe she and i would get along quite well.
conclusions: simon is a truly gifted writer on all platforms; he’s made marvellous work of explaining his past, as well as interacting with and describing how he views our present day. i’m only permitted to give this book five stars, but oh, how i wish i could give it many more. it’s well-deserving of the highest praise, and i hope i’ve done a fair job of pouring my love for “the creature’s cookbook” into this review. he’s certainly earned a ranking among my favourite authors, as well as a spot in my heart.
finally —- yes, i believe simon alkenmayer is exactly who/what he claims to be. i hope i’m right.
i discovered his tumblr several months ago, back in august of 2016, just a few days after i’d returned to my campus, and thus i discovered “the creature’s cookbook”. i managed to read it in my spare time, but it did take a while, and, upon finally finishing it, i decided i wasn’t okay with leaving a review then. make no mistake, this has nothing to do with the book itself, and everything to do with me and how i went about using my time; it’d been too long since i initially started reading it, and i didn’t want to give this anything other than my absolute best —- nevertheless, i swore to simon that i would leave a review as soon as i was able, and this is me tending to that promise with my response to my recent reread of his book.
first and foremost, i must commend simon on his articulate writing. personally, i walk quite a thin line in regards to what style of writing i prefer, and it ultimately comes down to the individual. how a person utilises each word, every phrase, every attempt to instil imagery within their readers and convey what they intend to —- simon does this spectacularly and without fail with a simple yet beautiful turn of words, and it pays off immensely when a reader such as myself is effortlessly hauled into his point of view.
simon’s story is one of intense intricacy, one that weaves its way through the ages and docks in the present, where he continues to live his life among us and interact with us in many ways day to day. whether one takes it as truth or ascribes it to an incredibly dedicated tale of otherworldly fiction, it’s rather hard to deny that he’s done an extraordinary job of telling it —- both through his books and short stories, and by answering questions sent to his tumblr.
before i wrap this up, i want to contribute a special note about rebecca (another promise i made to simon after mentioning this to him); having thought it over for a while now (since my first reading of “the creature’s cookbook”), i’ve come to realise just how well i relate to her. i find the ways in which she reacted to simon easily interchangeable with my own! no, not every single thing aligns perfectly, but based off what we’re told of her behaviour, i can’t help but notice just how like-minded we seem to be, at least when it comes to learning of the existence of man-eating monsters. i believe she and i would get along quite well.
conclusions: simon is a truly gifted writer on all platforms; he’s made marvellous work of explaining his past, as well as interacting with and describing how he views our present day. i’m only permitted to give this book five stars, but oh, how i wish i could give it many more. it’s well-deserving of the highest praise, and i hope i’ve done a fair job of pouring my love for “the creature’s cookbook” into this review. he’s certainly earned a ranking among my favourite authors, as well as a spot in my heart.
finally —- yes, i believe simon alkenmayer is exactly who/what he claims to be. i hope i’m right.
July 16, 2021
I really enjoyed this book. Simon has a very distinctive voice, is unique, fascinating, and -despite what he claims- very relatable. Come for the mystery, stay for the recipes, and find yourself enthralled with the Monster as he learns more about himself and the humans around him. Truth or fiction? You’ll have to make up your own mind; but either way this is a great read that I’ve revisited several times since I’ve bought it.
July 12, 2018
Enchanting
I was absolutely enthralled. A great mix of slice of life, mystery, horror, with a touch of romance. Simon seems to be both constantly changing and set in his ways. The whole thing was just great
I was absolutely enthralled. A great mix of slice of life, mystery, horror, with a touch of romance. Simon seems to be both constantly changing and set in his ways. The whole thing was just great
December 5, 2020
Extremely fascinating. Simon is certainly a fascinating being, whether he is what he claims to be or not. If he is in fact a monster, I wonder about how such a being evolved. If he is but a human playing pretend, then his dedication to the bit goes above and beyond reason.
January 10, 2017
Have you ever been reading a book, only to feel (on a spiritual level) that you were destined to read that very book, at that very time? Like the stars aligned, and answers came pouring out of the mouth of the universe, only to leave you singing melodies with your neighbors in understanding of the mechanics of humanity, and it's deep, psychological inner workings? This is what it felt like to read The Creature's Cookbook.
This was not at all what I had been expecting to read. I was not prepared for deeply emotional, philosophical writing. No one told me there'd be well written passages on how it feels to feel. I was not ready for recipes that include tongue, heart, or stomach (although I should have expected as much, it is a cookbook after all).
I was not prepared! And having finished reading it, I'm not prepared to not be reading it anymore! There's humor. There's recipes. There's a touch of romance. There's edge-of-your-seat-biting-your-nails anticipation that would put Frank N. Furter's musical number to shame, on top of thought provoking content that will make you feel like you're on the outside looking in (which... you really are, given the tone, tense, and content).
This is a "must read" for anyone and everyone who can stomach it. The only downfall? If you don't have a broad vocabulary, or the ability to utilize context clues to understand words you haven't the faintest idea of, you might need a dictionary. Or a thesaurus. Or both, who knows? If anything, you will learn new words along your journey.
This was not at all what I had been expecting to read. I was not prepared for deeply emotional, philosophical writing. No one told me there'd be well written passages on how it feels to feel. I was not ready for recipes that include tongue, heart, or stomach (although I should have expected as much, it is a cookbook after all).
I was not prepared! And having finished reading it, I'm not prepared to not be reading it anymore! There's humor. There's recipes. There's a touch of romance. There's edge-of-your-seat-biting-your-nails anticipation that would put Frank N. Furter's musical number to shame, on top of thought provoking content that will make you feel like you're on the outside looking in (which... you really are, given the tone, tense, and content).
This is a "must read" for anyone and everyone who can stomach it. The only downfall? If you don't have a broad vocabulary, or the ability to utilize context clues to understand words you haven't the faintest idea of, you might need a dictionary. Or a thesaurus. Or both, who knows? If anything, you will learn new words along your journey.
October 28, 2024
I want more...more!.
I don't know where to start... This book is so refreshing. It will take you into a journey that will make you reconsider your definition of humanity and human behavior which is, most often than not, less civilized and rational than what we might want to believe.
The author (our beloved Simon) doesn't underestimated the readers' capability to follow through his vast use of vocabulary and historical references. He doesn't use them to exalt himself either; rather, he makes you enjoy it to the point you want want to learn more. I must admit that, at the beginning, these qualities of him made me jelly ... but now I am just utterly jealous hahaha! (you will get that joke later).
I wont say more because it could spoil the fun, and believe me, it will be fun and you will be entertained for hours. Just in case you were wondering: this is not a horror-fantasy-depressing story and most definitely not a vampire story! (hehe, okay, enough with the book related jokes) and oh yeah, it does include recipes.
Enjoy
I don't know where to start... This book is so refreshing. It will take you into a journey that will make you reconsider your definition of humanity and human behavior which is, most often than not, less civilized and rational than what we might want to believe.
The author (our beloved Simon) doesn't underestimated the readers' capability to follow through his vast use of vocabulary and historical references. He doesn't use them to exalt himself either; rather, he makes you enjoy it to the point you want want to learn more. I must admit that, at the beginning, these qualities of him made me jelly ... but now I am just utterly jealous hahaha! (you will get that joke later).
I wont say more because it could spoil the fun, and believe me, it will be fun and you will be entertained for hours. Just in case you were wondering: this is not a horror-fantasy-depressing story and most definitely not a vampire story! (hehe, okay, enough with the book related jokes) and oh yeah, it does include recipes.
Enjoy
September 12, 2017
This is one of those rare, delicious stories that is made to be (and here I am fully aware of the implications of my word choice) devoured. I had to binge the entire thing in a day, and I am ravenous for more. Simon is a truly compelling author, who has a timeless way with words that makes his fantastic story believable - perhaps unnervingly so. There are stories that play hard-and-fast with the fourth wall, but this is not one of them. There is no wall - at least, not if you've been as enchanted by this story as I have. If this book cannot make you entertain the existance of monsters, nothing can.
November 27, 2016
Between the layers of history, introspection, and examination of the human condition through a peculiarly irised eye, there are endless snippets of growth, of learning, and of humans and monster alike learning what it is to be 'people'. It's good. It's so good. I cried. I baked. I cracked up laughing and had to explain to my mate what on earth was going on. I crushed the entire book in about four hours because I'm insane like that.
Read it. Immediately.
Read it. Immediately.
May 28, 2017
So very highly Recommended
All in one sitting, I can't believe how enthralling and enchanting it is, nor do I believe how am I reading the killing and cooking of *ahem* Humans and enjoy it so much, Simon has this unique way of writing that keeps you wanting more,wanting to know what happens next,though the story is just like a normal diary...overally great!
All in one sitting, I can't believe how enthralling and enchanting it is, nor do I believe how am I reading the killing and cooking of *ahem* Humans and enjoy it so much, Simon has this unique way of writing that keeps you wanting more,wanting to know what happens next,though the story is just like a normal diary...overally great!
January 21, 2019
I have a somewhat complicated relationship with books. I love them in theory - I love how people are able to put words to paper and somehow it translates to actual ideas that we form in our heads, as we read the text on the page/screen. I love how it allows us to view the world on a larger scale, through the perspective of another, without us having to leave our homes (even if the book is about fiction). I love how it's been proven they develop healthier brains.
But I'll be god-bloody-damned if my executive dysfunction lets me read one in under 7 months.
This is one of the few books of which I managed to speed read through the first half within a week. Being able to talk with the author directly was a huge help with that, but mostly I found that my brain was absolutely ravenous to read more about Simon and his view of the world. Something about it just switched a light on in my mind that I didn't realise had been off and gathering dust all my life, and I wanted to learn ALL about it. Oftentimes my mind would be racing so fast I couldn't keep track of my own thoughts, but for the first time, I was reading a book that made me re-think everything about the world yet keep me anchored safely down on Earth.
Unfortunately my executive dysfunction/mental illness kicked in about two thirds of the way through and the introspective tone became difficult for me to read at such a constant pace. Then I became the author's illustrator for his blog and it was kind of weird to read his diary. So in the end it still took me about a year to finish it.
BUT, that first week of reading is still one of the best experiences I've ever had with a book. Just the fact alone it kept my rapt attention for that long is pretty amazing to me. I'd say it's a slice-of-life novel with a very interesting hook, and very deep "characters" that you will end up caring about one way or another.
But I'll be god-bloody-damned if my executive dysfunction lets me read one in under 7 months.
This is one of the few books of which I managed to speed read through the first half within a week. Being able to talk with the author directly was a huge help with that, but mostly I found that my brain was absolutely ravenous to read more about Simon and his view of the world. Something about it just switched a light on in my mind that I didn't realise had been off and gathering dust all my life, and I wanted to learn ALL about it. Oftentimes my mind would be racing so fast I couldn't keep track of my own thoughts, but for the first time, I was reading a book that made me re-think everything about the world yet keep me anchored safely down on Earth.
Unfortunately my executive dysfunction/mental illness kicked in about two thirds of the way through and the introspective tone became difficult for me to read at such a constant pace. Then I became the author's illustrator for his blog and it was kind of weird to read his diary. So in the end it still took me about a year to finish it.
BUT, that first week of reading is still one of the best experiences I've ever had with a book. Just the fact alone it kept my rapt attention for that long is pretty amazing to me. I'd say it's a slice-of-life novel with a very interesting hook, and very deep "characters" that you will end up caring about one way or another.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews