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Total Leadership: Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life
“Students talk about Stewart D. Friedman, a management professor at the Wharton School, with a mixture of earnest admiration, gratitude and rock star adoration.” — New York Times
Now more than ever, your success as a leader isn't just about being a great business person. You've got to be a great person, performing well in all domains of your life -- your work, your home, your community, and your private self.
That's a tall order.
The good news is that, contrary to conventional wisdom about "balance," you don't have to assume that these domains compete in a zero-sum game. Total Leadership is a game-changing blueprint for how to perform well as a leader not by trading off one domain for another, but by finding mutual value among all four. Stew Friedman shows you how to achieve these "four-way wins" as a leader who
Now more than ever, your success as a leader isn't just about being a great business person. You've got to be a great person, performing well in all domains of your life -- your work, your home, your community, and your private self.
That's a tall order.
The good news is that, contrary to conventional wisdom about "balance," you don't have to assume that these domains compete in a zero-sum game. Total Leadership is a game-changing blueprint for how to perform well as a leader not by trading off one domain for another, but by finding mutual value among all four. Stew Friedman shows you how to achieve these "four-way wins" as a leader who
272 pages, Hardcover
First published May 6, 2008
243 people are currently reading
4099 people want to read
About the author
Stewart D. Friedman
24 books47 followersStew Friedman is an organizational psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, where he has been on the faculty since 1984. He founded Wharton’s Leadership Program and its Work/Life Integration Project. Friedman has been recognized by the biennial Thinkers50 global ranking of management thinkers every cycle since 2011 and was honored with its 2015 Distinguished Achievement Award as the foremost expert in the field of talent. He was listed among HR Magazine’s most influential thought leaders, chosen by Working Mother as one of America’s most influential men who have made life better for working parents, and presented with the Families and Work Institute’s Work Life Legacy Award.
While on leave from Wharton, Friedman was the senior executive responsible for leadership development at Ford, where he created Total Leadership. This program, now in use worldwide, measurably improves performance and well-being in all parts of life. His research is widely cited, including among Harvard Business Review’s “Ideas That Shaped Management,” and he has written two bestselling books, Total Leadership and Leading the Life You Want. His latest book is Parents Who Lead: The Leadership Approach You Need to Parent with Purpose, Fuel Your Career, and Create a Richer Life (March, 2020). Winner of many teaching awards, Friedman inspires students’ “rock star adoration,” according to the New York Times. He is an in-demand speaker, consultant, coach, workshop leader, and advocate for family-supportive policies. He hosts the SiriusXM Wharton Business Radio show and podcast, Work and Life.
While on leave from Wharton, Friedman was the senior executive responsible for leadership development at Ford, where he created Total Leadership. This program, now in use worldwide, measurably improves performance and well-being in all parts of life. His research is widely cited, including among Harvard Business Review’s “Ideas That Shaped Management,” and he has written two bestselling books, Total Leadership and Leading the Life You Want. His latest book is Parents Who Lead: The Leadership Approach You Need to Parent with Purpose, Fuel Your Career, and Create a Richer Life (March, 2020). Winner of many teaching awards, Friedman inspires students’ “rock star adoration,” according to the New York Times. He is an in-demand speaker, consultant, coach, workshop leader, and advocate for family-supportive policies. He hosts the SiriusXM Wharton Business Radio show and podcast, Work and Life.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 57 reviews
August 15, 2011
Self reflection is the key. For those who have been too busy to stop and smell the roses, this book is important. Otherwise, for those who are secret philosophers or otherwise near the top of Maslow's heirarchy, this isn't that necessary of a volume. It's not even fuel for the fire, it's just redundant. That said, I would recommend to all of my friends, since I don't really know where on the path to enlightenment they happen to be.
February 8, 2018
I bought the book following taking an online course with the author. This book has given me a model how different aspects of my life (family, work, community, home) should interact with each other. The main idea is that the harmony and overlap between these areas would make you have more integrity and feel more empowered. Influenced by the book, for example, when I want to make a decision about my job, I always ask myself how much this decision would affect the other areas of my life and how much it would make more overlap between things. Would that decision think about choosing between family versus work or would I feel what I do is actually for the family too and it's not one against the other?
September 3, 2018
This is a great approach to better leadership for people who are not intentional with their time. Tons of reflection exercises that I believe are invaluable, particularly in the early chapters. As the book goes on, you might feel like you've gotten everything you needed from the first few chapters. It depends on where you are in your journey. I found myself already in alignment with the Total Leadership model, even arguing with some parts only to find that they were clarified and built upon later. If you need to develop your advanced leadership skills, this might be more of a reminder than anything else.
5-Star: Everyone should read this.
4-Star: Everyone in this specific field should read this.
3-Star: This was a decent read for the specific field, but there are better options.
2-Star: It got me to the end of the book, so there is that.
1-Star: It was bad enough that I didn't finish it.
5-Star: Everyone should read this.
4-Star: Everyone in this specific field should read this.
3-Star: This was a decent read for the specific field, but there are better options.
2-Star: It got me to the end of the book, so there is that.
1-Star: It was bad enough that I didn't finish it.
November 25, 2020
Be a total leader in all aspects of your life!
Stewart D. Friedman's "Total Leadership" is a book that provides readers with a proactive approach to gaining leadership skills. Strategies are given on how to lead in separate aspects of your life (namely work, home, community, and the self) and then eventually bringing all the aspects as close together as possible for best results. The learning process is done through reading the examples of the author's students and also via several exercises within each chapter.
As you read the book, it is vital that you have a way to answer to the exercises featured, such as a pen and notebook or computer word notepad or even (at one of Mr. Friedman's additional suggestions) a video camera. Whatever medium you choose to document your progress, your answers to the exercise questions will determine the outcomes of each strategy that you will apply in the course of the book. Thankfully, the exercises are not at all difficult; they are designed to be as universally applicable as possible regardless of your occupation, and they are further supported by useful leadership charts and models such as the Four-Way Attention chart and Domain Satisfaction table. Your notes combined with the strategies can be effectively utilized in your real life journey to enrich your leadership skills.
In my opinion, one important thing that is missing from this book is a chapter devoted to coaching. Although the author mentions the idea of coaching here and there, I would have liked to see a chapter discussing ways to find real life coaches to help in the leadership process and even tips on how to become a leadership coach. These ideas are somewhat added in the (overly lengthy) conclusion chapter, but it felt like it was added in a rushed way or simply just to lift the spirits of the readers as they complete the book.
Despite that minor gripe, I still think "Total Leadership" is a well constructed book that offers readers the opportunity to learn how to lead in their lives and transform themselves into active leaders. Recommended reading especially for aspiring and self-improving business leaders.
Stewart D. Friedman's "Total Leadership" is a book that provides readers with a proactive approach to gaining leadership skills. Strategies are given on how to lead in separate aspects of your life (namely work, home, community, and the self) and then eventually bringing all the aspects as close together as possible for best results. The learning process is done through reading the examples of the author's students and also via several exercises within each chapter.
As you read the book, it is vital that you have a way to answer to the exercises featured, such as a pen and notebook or computer word notepad or even (at one of Mr. Friedman's additional suggestions) a video camera. Whatever medium you choose to document your progress, your answers to the exercise questions will determine the outcomes of each strategy that you will apply in the course of the book. Thankfully, the exercises are not at all difficult; they are designed to be as universally applicable as possible regardless of your occupation, and they are further supported by useful leadership charts and models such as the Four-Way Attention chart and Domain Satisfaction table. Your notes combined with the strategies can be effectively utilized in your real life journey to enrich your leadership skills.
In my opinion, one important thing that is missing from this book is a chapter devoted to coaching. Although the author mentions the idea of coaching here and there, I would have liked to see a chapter discussing ways to find real life coaches to help in the leadership process and even tips on how to become a leadership coach. These ideas are somewhat added in the (overly lengthy) conclusion chapter, but it felt like it was added in a rushed way or simply just to lift the spirits of the readers as they complete the book.
Despite that minor gripe, I still think "Total Leadership" is a well constructed book that offers readers the opportunity to learn how to lead in their lives and transform themselves into active leaders. Recommended reading especially for aspiring and self-improving business leaders.
February 12, 2019
Becoming a leader is not only a professional endeavour, but also a personal resolution to leading a more fulfilled life, reaching closer to one’s ideal in all domains of life: work, home, community, and relationship with the self.
This book breaks the long-held assumption that life is fragmented into different areas that entail proper resource allocation aka prioritizing. What if this well-established belief isn’t the only approach? What if there’s a more efficient, more enriching way of excelling that generates sustainable happiness and peace?
The idea that cultivating authenticity, integrity, and creativity through practicing these spirits simultaneously in all domains is a brilliant one. It’s an increasingly prevalent discourse that prominent leaders are raving about. Yet the terms “work-life balance” is still being thrown around, suggesting that this total leadership gospel still hasn’t reached far enough or penetrated deep enough. I believe this is the healthiest, most lasting strategy to life and happiness. The sooner one is to adopt this, the merrier. After all, to be mired into the old ways of segregating different aspects of life can be a shackle that’s hard to break through.
This book breaks the long-held assumption that life is fragmented into different areas that entail proper resource allocation aka prioritizing. What if this well-established belief isn’t the only approach? What if there’s a more efficient, more enriching way of excelling that generates sustainable happiness and peace?
The idea that cultivating authenticity, integrity, and creativity through practicing these spirits simultaneously in all domains is a brilliant one. It’s an increasingly prevalent discourse that prominent leaders are raving about. Yet the terms “work-life balance” is still being thrown around, suggesting that this total leadership gospel still hasn’t reached far enough or penetrated deep enough. I believe this is the healthiest, most lasting strategy to life and happiness. The sooner one is to adopt this, the merrier. After all, to be mired into the old ways of segregating different aspects of life can be a shackle that’s hard to break through.
June 29, 2017
Some words worth noted
Build up leadership in work life balance way. Four boundaries including Work, Home, community and personals, Learning the total leadership method and producing four-way wins is possible for anyone willing to practice being real, being whole, and being innovative.
a common definition is that leaders mobilize people toward valued goals
By framing an experiment as a trial, you reduce resistance because people are likely to try something new if they know it's not permanent and if they have control over deciding whether the experiment is working , according to their performance expectations.
I have not done the practice of the author intended, while some cases in the book are beneficial for readers to go through all the practice session. it is better for leadership workshop facilitator.
Build up leadership in work life balance way. Four boundaries including Work, Home, community and personals, Learning the total leadership method and producing four-way wins is possible for anyone willing to practice being real, being whole, and being innovative.
a common definition is that leaders mobilize people toward valued goals
By framing an experiment as a trial, you reduce resistance because people are likely to try something new if they know it's not permanent and if they have control over deciding whether the experiment is working , according to their performance expectations.
I have not done the practice of the author intended, while some cases in the book are beneficial for readers to go through all the practice session. it is better for leadership workshop facilitator.
August 13, 2017
This is a great book to help you become more self aware of the time and energy that you're currently spending and how it aligns to your priorities in life. The book is logically laid out to walk through the steps to living a more fulfilled and enriched life.
1 - What are your values/vision/what's important to you
2 - Who is important in your life (key stakeholders) and what expectations do you have of them and what expectations do they have for you
3 - Create a scorecard and list key metrics to hold yourself accountable and track your progress. Once you write down your goals and metrics, you can be able to learn lessons and draw conclusions 6-8 weeks later.
This is a quick read and I would suggest everyone buy the book!
1 - What are your values/vision/what's important to you
2 - Who is important in your life (key stakeholders) and what expectations do you have of them and what expectations do they have for you
3 - Create a scorecard and list key metrics to hold yourself accountable and track your progress. Once you write down your goals and metrics, you can be able to learn lessons and draw conclusions 6-8 weeks later.
This is a quick read and I would suggest everyone buy the book!
July 29, 2009
I don't think this book struck me as anything amazing. I don't really remember much from it -- which means your life will probably go on if you don't read it. That said, I do remember an article in the NY Times talking about Friedman and his emphasis on making MBAs more ethical and injecting business school with more corporate responsibility talk, which is great as far as I'm concerned. I read this before b-school and I'd love to read it again now.
March 31, 2015
Finished Audible version. So very glad I decided to get the book to go with the Coursera (www.coursera.org) class "Better Leader, Richer Life". Dr. Friedman reads his own book and his work is compelling. My only regret is that I didn't get the hard-copy. The work needed to get the most out of the book requires writing...the book would be a great "workbook". Very applicable and actionable steps to being an effective leader in all aspects ("domains") of life.
August 7, 2014
I will go back to review it again, it differently changed a lot in my life and lead me to new paths to a 4 ways win and made me for the first time to set down and write my vision and ask my self questions i was fared to ask....
am so grateful that I took it in a course in Coursera and meet amazing people in my throe team, and a planning to read it again in the future
am so grateful that I took it in a course in Coursera and meet amazing people in my throe team, and a planning to read it again in the future
January 14, 2022
Knyga labai old school'inė, bet gerąja prasme. Ji siūlo labai konkretų ir įgyvendinamą kasdienio gyvenimo modelį. Man patiko autoriaus siūloma gyvenimo wholesome koncepcija, pelnytai kritikuojant work-life balance, kaip nulinės sumos modelį (kažką iš kažko reikia atimti, kad pridėtum kitai sričiai). Wholesome Friedman sistemoje sudaro keturios lygiavertės gyvenimo sritys: darbas, namai, self ir community (į kurią patenka visi ne šeimyniniai socialiniai ryšiai ir kitos soc. veiklos). Daug dalykų pasižymėjau ir jau bandau įtraukti į savo pačios kasdieną. Viena labiausiai patikusių prieigų - maksimalus žmonių įtraukimas ir į jų lūkesčių/poreikių tau ir atvirkščiai įtraukimas. Taip gražiai ir organiškai prieita ir surišta. Super.
Na, o kas link knygos idėjų panaudojimo, tai čia jau kiekvieno rankose. Reikia tiesiog skubiai imti naujas patikusias idėjas ir jas įgyvendinti. Kaip autorius rašo, "because we tend toward inertia, if doing something new doesn't feel urgent, it's not likely to occur".
Na, o kas link knygos idėjų panaudojimo, tai čia jau kiekvieno rankose. Reikia tiesiog skubiai imti naujas patikusias idėjas ir jas įgyvendinti. Kaip autorius rašo, "because we tend toward inertia, if doing something new doesn't feel urgent, it's not likely to occur".
January 10, 2026
I can see why this book is frequently recommended for leaders. Total Leadership encourages a holistic view of life, asking readers to consider work, home, community, and self when making decisions, rather than optimizing one area at the expense of the others. That core idea is valuable and well intentioned.
That said, the book leans heavily into frameworks, structured experiments, and the idea that balance and fulfillment can be designed through intentional planning and optimization. While I appreciate the attempt to bring clarity and discipline to complex choices, life rarely follows a clean formula, and many situations resist that kind of neat structure.
There’s useful perspective here, especially for leaders trying to think more broadly about impact and trade-offs. For me, though, the approach felt a bit too systematic for something as messy and human as real life.
That said, the book leans heavily into frameworks, structured experiments, and the idea that balance and fulfillment can be designed through intentional planning and optimization. While I appreciate the attempt to bring clarity and discipline to complex choices, life rarely follows a clean formula, and many situations resist that kind of neat structure.
There’s useful perspective here, especially for leaders trying to think more broadly about impact and trade-offs. For me, though, the approach felt a bit too systematic for something as messy and human as real life.
July 23, 2023
This book describes how to be a leader in four life domains: work, family, community, and self. The author insists that we don't have to be trapped by a zero-sum game among these domains but can be successful in every area of our lives. As we read, it's beneficial to sit at a desk, prepare a pen and a piece of paper, and reflect on ourselves by writing down personal experiences that shape our values and thoughts in each domain of our lives. Since there is no one-size-fits-all strategy for success in these domains, the book explains methods to discover our own ways to achieve it. Like many other books, to get the best return on our investment of money and time spent on it, we must actually practice the concepts presented here.
October 24, 2022
This book is about introspection and determining what is important to you in your life and visualizing possibilities. This particular book is for the benefit of individuals look for alignment in the four life domains: self, work, home and community.
Going through this book takes time - there are exercises to do, thoughts to write down, concepts to consider - I thought the journey was worth it. Although, I admit to speeding through a few of them as they were similar to exercises I have done previously for work development. It never hurts to review and evaluate to make sure the path is still clear.
Going through this book takes time - there are exercises to do, thoughts to write down, concepts to consider - I thought the journey was worth it. Although, I admit to speeding through a few of them as they were similar to exercises I have done previously for work development. It never hurts to review and evaluate to make sure the path is still clear.
February 8, 2021
Similar to the Four Hour Work Week and a foundational concept in Ray Dalio’s Principles, Friedman walks readers through identifying and analyzing existing systems in life to improve general satisfaction and performance. He coaches readers through thinking about what their future leadership could look like and how to honestly review where you are today.
Overall a helpful tool in the toolbox for readers who are looking to identify where they are today and work towards a more balanced future vision for their life.
Overall a helpful tool in the toolbox for readers who are looking to identify where they are today and work towards a more balanced future vision for their life.
August 27, 2021
The overall premise and the development of the concepts in the book make sense. It is clearly important to explore the specified domains to achieve "balance".
The heavy reliance on individual examples (of Wharton MBA students) gets tedious pretty quickly, and having got the gist of it, I started skimming the book around 2/3 of the way through. There is also a fairly specific assumption of what being "richer" means, which is heavily biased toward fulfilling external expectations.
The heavy reliance on individual examples (of Wharton MBA students) gets tedious pretty quickly, and having got the gist of it, I started skimming the book around 2/3 of the way through. There is also a fairly specific assumption of what being "richer" means, which is heavily biased toward fulfilling external expectations.
February 9, 2023
This book was exactly what I was looking for in preparing for my increasing leadership role. It quickly debunks the myth of work/life balance and provides practical steps and exercises to build a stronger awareness of your leadership vision and story. It is an easy read, but do plan to take time with the process if you want to maximize the great lessons available in the Total Leadership four-way wins concept.
July 20, 2025
Pros: A selection of quotes or wisdom is spread across the book from various reference materials.
Cons: Starts and ends like a sales pitch that keeps on reminding the reader how great the benefits of the book are. The entire thesis of the book is about self reflection (err recitation) and coaching, both of which are not my cup of tea as I prefer to do it alone.
Reco: This book I believe will only be profoundly meaningful if you have a circle or network to read and execute the exercises with. Otherwise, it is better to read self-help and straightforward leadership books.
Cons: Starts and ends like a sales pitch that keeps on reminding the reader how great the benefits of the book are. The entire thesis of the book is about self reflection (err recitation) and coaching, both of which are not my cup of tea as I prefer to do it alone.
Reco: This book I believe will only be profoundly meaningful if you have a circle or network to read and execute the exercises with. Otherwise, it is better to read self-help and straightforward leadership books.
April 6, 2024
I read this book as part of the Total Leadership course that Stu Friedman runs. This was hands down, one of the best courses I've ever done. Trust in the process. The book is structured in a way that leads you through new ideas and provides examples to help complete the exercises. This book and the concepts within it are well worth your time.
October 20, 2018
I didn't do the exercises. There's a repeating theme of interpreting your goals as collective goals and--as authentically as possible--propose the ideas through that lens.
It probably would have been better if I did the exercises.
It probably would have been better if I did the exercises.
December 8, 2021
Enlightening, especially if you take advantage of the tools and a community to support the process the book suggests. Doing this with a group of respected peers, all of us felt we had turned a corner, and the exercises and discussion have clarified our values, objectives, and forward path.
Read
May 14, 2022Meh. I had a hard time finishing this one; I don't really relate to the profiles of people described in the book. Not everyone wants to identify as some over the top hustling American overachiever... success can have a lot of different 'faces'.
January 18, 2021
A fantastic framework to integrate work, family, community, and self to come up with four-way wins. I can't wait to see the results! Very happy to have found this book.
Read
February 13, 2021I appreciate the author's holistic approach to leadership. This book also provides a very detailed explanation of coaching involving stakeholders.
April 11, 2021
Güzel önerler sunuyor
Hafta içini, hafta sonundan planlamak güzel öner denemek lazım
Hafta içini, hafta sonundan planlamak güzel öner denemek lazım
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 2, 2022
The methodology that is linked to the book is very powerful and helpful. I highly recommend to use pair coaching to get the most out of it.
December 12, 2023
A few decent journaling prompts and good concept of finding new approaches that benefit all areas of life. Otherwise you can skip this.
January 22, 2025
Found this refreshing, useful and practical.
April 2, 2025
Simply i was expecting more from this book. It couple had been a 10 pages article instead of a 200 pages book.
November 18, 2008
As the jacket cover explains Total Leadership is “adapted from author Stew Friedman’s popular Wharton School course”. I found that to be both the strength and weakness of this book. Friedman’s core concept of identifying one’s values and then using these to improve your leadership in four areas (domains as he calls them) is simple, yet brilliant.
Unlike so many other leadership books, this is not a book about what makes a great leader. This is a book about finding out what makes you a great leader. A very worthy and ultimately practical, pursuit.
Through a series of activities, Friedman encourages the reader to analyse one’s leadership activities in terms of the key stakeholders – work, home, community and self. A simple process of drawing four circles to represent the current strength and interaction within these four stakeholder domains and then redrawing then to represent a better balance, gives the reader the basis of a leadership vision.
A well designed series of simple, yet effective activities, takes the reader on his or her leadership journey. Very easy to follow and to implement.
It’s obvious that the book has been developed from a successful course. It’s always a big ask to do this well, as often some of the course’s success comes through the personality of the presenter. Written in the first person, I found it a little verbose. For example the introduction went for 24 pages, which perhaps could have been handled in four. Friedman’s style did not resonate with me – perhaps he would be totally different in person. I also found some little annoying things such as constant use of the term “Total Leadership participants”. Having mentioned this once, they could have just been referred to as “participants” thereafter.
I appreciate how difficult it is to translate a workshop into a book – the book can either become too mechanical or too wordy. For me, “Total Leadership” was the latter.
However, this should not take away from the excellent core content and learning process. For trainers involved in leadership development and career planning, this could be a great resource.
Unlike so many other leadership books, this is not a book about what makes a great leader. This is a book about finding out what makes you a great leader. A very worthy and ultimately practical, pursuit.
Through a series of activities, Friedman encourages the reader to analyse one’s leadership activities in terms of the key stakeholders – work, home, community and self. A simple process of drawing four circles to represent the current strength and interaction within these four stakeholder domains and then redrawing then to represent a better balance, gives the reader the basis of a leadership vision.
A well designed series of simple, yet effective activities, takes the reader on his or her leadership journey. Very easy to follow and to implement.
It’s obvious that the book has been developed from a successful course. It’s always a big ask to do this well, as often some of the course’s success comes through the personality of the presenter. Written in the first person, I found it a little verbose. For example the introduction went for 24 pages, which perhaps could have been handled in four. Friedman’s style did not resonate with me – perhaps he would be totally different in person. I also found some little annoying things such as constant use of the term “Total Leadership participants”. Having mentioned this once, they could have just been referred to as “participants” thereafter.
I appreciate how difficult it is to translate a workshop into a book – the book can either become too mechanical or too wordy. For me, “Total Leadership” was the latter.
However, this should not take away from the excellent core content and learning process. For trainers involved in leadership development and career planning, this could be a great resource.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 57 reviews