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160 pages, Hardcover
First published July 26, 2005
‘I hope it wasn’t a taxi robbery. There’ve been a lot of these lately. Guys with no money steal from the ones who don’t have money either.’
‘These days, as long as I am working, I can live my life. I am not unhappy, nor at a disadvantage. And when I do think about what happened in that home, the mere fact that I’d survived to the age of twenty-seven made me think that it wasn’t such a big deal.’
‘I’m sure you’re right, but it drives me crazy. Thinking about even a drop of my mother’s or that asshole’s blood in my veins. And I hate that there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. It’s like I’ve got a lump in the pit of my stomach. As if their genes are living inside of me. Like I’m marked by them and can’t help taking on their qualities. I know that’s just in my head, but their blood really is in my veins, isn’t it? Physiologically, I can’t stand it.’
‘I knew just what she meant. Yet still, I wondered why I had pushed the conversation to the point where it hurt her…I lit another cigarette, and imagined there was a lump in the pit of my own stomach. It felt creepy to think about a complete stranger’s information being embedded within me. I wondered if there were minute twitches, like threads strung throughout my body, that exerted an imperceptible influence on me, on my decisions and my actions.’
‘I emerged from the tunnel, but the scenery was unchanged. The moon that Sayuko and I had tried not to see was still shining against the surrounding clouds, the same way it was last night. I went back to the car and started the engine. On the radio, a report about the war was being replayed on the air.’
‘No matter what kinds of tragedies occurred, the world kept spinning—perhaps it was the natural order of things. The news ended, a pop song came on, and there was a plug for the latest movie. Amongst the laughter, a dispassionate sorrow glimmers, a guest commentator intoned about the film.’
‘The sultry heat was stifling. I cast an eye over my surroundings as I walked along, thinking I would try to distract myself from my deteriorating mood. The intense moonlight formed a circle behind the thin and uneven cloud cover, its pale bluish-gray color gleaming hazily. I came out of a narrow passageway between brick condominiums, turned alongside a row house, and came out onto a wide road with cars on it. As I turned my attention to the light from a convenience store, a tall woman came out with a crying child in tow.’
‘I have truly been saved by literature. If I hadn’t met with stories that dive deep into the nature of society and humanity, stories that press on and attempt to reveal our true nature, I’m sure my life would have turned out differently. Literature is still precious to me. It provides me with the sustenance I need to go on living. Even now, having come to write books myself, that hasn’t changed in the slightest.’ – Afterword, Fuminori Nakamura
‘Violence became easier to commit the more one wielded it. I no longer hoped to escape—what I longed for was a respite. An existence in which, for even just a brief span of time, I would not be attacked, where I could sleep peacefully.’
"I didn't care whether it was boring or interesting work. I think I'd be fine as long as I could just edge toward the prospect of letting go, with the possibility of escaping my depressive tendencies." pg 50
"I am alive! Against all of your expectations! I have no intention of obeying you. With my own hands, I will defeat whatever obstacles you throw at me." pg 115

might be absorbed by the earth, deep underground
I was in a state of excitement. I knew that was not an appropriate way to feel in this situation. . . I was definitely waiting for something yet to come. (p. 9)