Pictures of You

'90s Coming of Age #1

by Leta Blake

Growing up gay isn’t easy. Growing up gay in Knoxville, Tennessee is even harder.

Eighteen-year-old Peter Mandel, a private school senior—class of 1991—is passionate about photography. Peter doesn’t have many friends, preferring to shoot pictures from behind the scenes to keep his homosexuality secret.

Enter Adam Algedi, a charming, worldly new guy who doesn't do labels, but does want to do Peter. Hardly able to believe gorgeous Adam would want geeky, skinny him of all people, Peter's swept away on a journey of first love and sexual discovery. But as their mutual web of lies spins tighter and tighter, can Peter find the confidence he needs to make the right choices? And will his crush on Daniel, a college acquaintance, open a new path?

Join Peter in the first of this four-part coming of age series as he struggles to love and be loved, and grow into a gay man worthy of his own respect.

This new series by Leta Blake is gay fiction with romantic elements.

Book 1 of 4.

Warning! These books contain: New Adult fiction, ‘90s gay life, small city homosexual experiences, Southern biases, sexual exploration, romance, homophobia, bisexuality, and twisted-up young love. Oh, and a guaranteed happy ending for the main character by the end of Book 4.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Young Adult, Contemporary, LGBT, Coming Of Age, New Adult

316 pages, ebook

First published September 17, 2016

About the author

Author of the bestselling book Smoky Mountain Dreams and fan favorites Training Season, Will & Patrick Wake Up Married, and Slow Heat, Leta Blake has been captivating M/M Romance readers for over a decade. Whether writing contemporary romance or fantasy, she puts her psychology background to use creating complex characters and love stories that feel real. At home in the Southern U.S., Leta works hard at achieving balance between her writing and her family life.

If you'd like to be among the first to know about new releases, you can sign up for Leta's newsletter here: http://eepurl.com/bdn32H

Reviews

[Heather K (dentist in my spare time) · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5 stars*

Holy sh*t, this book made me raaaage. I was like a complete and total psycho reading this story, oscillating between smiling, crying and screaming, and scaring the crap out of my husband while going through an insane range of emotions.

There are some things you NEED to know before starting this book. Just a warning, some might view some of these details as *spoilery,* but, honestly, you can get most of this information from the blurb:

1) There is no HEA in book 1. None. Nada. In fact, there is nothing but relationship uncertainty at the end of this story. I'm not even sure who the MC is going to end up with.

2) There is cheating. A LOT OF CHEATING. This part of the book made me so ragey that I wanted to pound my Kindle into a pulp at times. It was BRUTAL. It made me feel so icky inside, and actually pretty depressed.

3) These is some violence. Not a lot, but it's there.

In short, this book will destroy you.

It actually reminds me a great deal of Something Like Summer, but much better. I was one of the few people who didn't enjoy Something Like Summer, but if you liked that kind of storyline and vibe, this book will appeal to you. It also has a historical-ish setting in common (the 90s with this one), and it brought me similar levels of pain.

I enjoyed the 90s setting more than I expected to. I grew up in the 90s, being a mid-80s baby, so the high school antidotes hit home for me. It also wasn't as much of a homophobic time as other historical eras, so from that perspective it was easier to stomach.

What got me through this story was the absolutely stellar writing. It was magnetic, and even when I wanted to stop reading, I found that I couldn't tear my gaze away. I wanted to scream and rage, but I also wanted to FINISH THE DAMN BOOK. I raced through all 300+ pages, finishing the book in less than a day.

While part of me hated this book for how it tortured me and reminded me of every crappy, duplicitous, horrible teenage dating experience, I also loved it for the level of emotion that it brought out of me. I've thought about it since I finished, and I know I won't be happy until the end of book 4 when I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

*Copy provided by the author in exchange for an honest review*

[Snjez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the angstiest, most intense and most infuriating book I've read in a while. Maybe ever? Oh, how this made me angry! I didn't enjoy it and it didn't leave me in a good mood when I finished it.

So why the 4 stars (I even considered 5)? For the author's amazing writing in this one, for creating such complex and realistic characters and relationships, and for me not being able to put it down even when I told myself at least 10 times that I should just dnf it. The range of emotions I went through while reading this left me feeling completely drained.

I really felt for Peter here. I wanted to shake him many times, but I also understood him and his stupid decisions. Not having the strength to put an end to something that is clearly not good for you, just because of stupid feelings, is something I feel many can relate to. And don't even let me start on Adam!

I think that 'coming-of-age' is the perfect description for this story. It's not a romance.

Warnings for: cheating, emotional manipulation, homophobia, physical assault, no HEA. The characters are 18, but due to graphic sex scenes I wouldn't label this as YA.

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

3rd time reading and I feel the same about it!
So angsty, so infuriating, so hurtful and soooo good!!!!


Re-read Aug 2022.

Original thoughts May 2020

5 Stars +++++

Just send someone to remove the body.

I. AM. DEAD.

WOW. WOW. WOW.

Coming of age.
Young Love,
Innocent Love,
Illicit Love,
Blind Love,
Selfish Love
Haunting Love
Ugly Love
Doomed Love
We love so deeply.

Peter's story is strong, beautiful, real, raw, passionate and painful, but oh it hurts so good!💔.
Such evocative writing. 😵‍💫😍

A shout-out to the secondary characters too!! Especially Peter's mother, (what a trip) Mo, Sarah Bear, Dr Landry, Robert/Renee (such a darling). 🥰

[Jewel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five freakin' awesome stars. Wow, Leta, you have outdone yourself.

I graduated high school in 1988 in the American south. Leta Blake captures the time period with exquisite perfection. Set in Knoxville, TN between August 1990 and June 1991, Pictures of You transported me back to a time before internet and cell phones. To a time that was less friendly toward the LGBT community (though we still have a long way to go), Operation Desert Storm was underway and prejudice was normal. It isn't a time or a place I'm nostalgic for, truth be told. Still, Pictures of You is a book I could not pass up and I am so very glad I gave it a chance. I am certain Pictures of You (and I suspect the whole series, once I get my greedy hands on the rest of it) will stay with me for some time to come.

As Pictures of You begins, Peter Mandel is eighteen, and about to start his senior year of high school. He's slight and geeky and gay and he doesn't really see himself as an attractive boy. The one place where Peter's confidence soars, though, is his photography. Where other people express their emotions and thoughts in words, Peter does so through his photographs. Peter's photography helps him, in many ways, to work through his thoughts and feelings. Peter is also an easy target for jocks who think that beating up others for the perception of being gay is a fine pastime. After several altercations at his public school, Peter's parents transferred him to a private college prep school, Kingsley High, for his senior year. And it was there that he first laid eyes on Adam.

Adam Algedi was a transfer student from an American High School in Jordan. With all the danger and unrest in the area at that time, Adam's parents (his father worked for the UN) sent him and his twin sister, Sarah, to Knoxville to live with their older brother and finish high school. Adam was tall and gorgeous and charismatic and doomed to be popular -- especially if his sister had anything to do with it. When he first saw Peter, Adam befriended him, right away, seeing beyond the geeky exterior Peter projected. Adam was also an aspiring writer and as much as he tried to not act like it, he really did have some good insight into the human experience.

"What's it called when the guy you're with is also with a girl who doesn't know about you?"

"Baby, that's called 'fucked up.'"

And that pretty much sums up Peter’s and Adam’s relationship in Pictures of You . Though the author isn't calling this series a romance, there are plenty of romantic elements in Pictures of You and lord is it hot. But don't expect an HEA here. The story isn't yet done.

Adam and Peter have a complicated relationship that is built on webs of lies and deceptions and, like real life, that's not really sustainable in the long term. Pictures of You never takes the easy way out and never does it feel like there won't be consequences. I'm sure Adam isn't going to be a popular character, though. I mean, he is a hot mess. He cheats, he's not honest about himself and what he needs and wants out of life. I can only hope that Adam will eventually be the kind of guy that is honest and has the courage to live and love in the open. He's not off to auspicious beginnings, here, though. Adam was never willing to compromise. He was selfish, wanting to keep both his girlfriend, Leslie, and Peter (without the knowledge and agreement of all parties involved). Selfish because he wasn't being honest - Leslie did not know about Peter. Selfish because he brought other people into his lies.

Adam's got a whole lot of growing up to do, but I don’t want you to think he's all bad. He's protective of those he cares about, and Peter, especially, and I do really think he loves Peter. He's definitely not good for Peter, though, and Peter deserves better, as does Adam's girlfriend Leslie. Hell, she is the only innocent one in this story. And if I’m being honest here, Adam also deserves better than he is giving himself.

While his level of guilt was not on par with Adam’s, Peter definitely was not innocent. Though he wasn't, at first, Peter was complicit in Adam's deceptions. He hated it and he hated himself and guilt ate him alive, but he was complicit. He ultimately made the decision to keep his relationship with Adam, once Adam found himself a girlfriend, and he made the decision to be her friend, too. Peter made his own choices here. Bad ones, for sure, but he made them. I cannot lay the blame totally at Adam's feet.

The cast of characters, in Pictures of You , like real people, were flawed. Sometimes deeply so. Sometimes people were selfish and sometimes they just wanted to be loved. Sometimes cowardice won out. But for each and every one of them we also saw promise. Life is complex and complicated and being young and just figuring out who you are and where you fit isn't an easy process for anyone, really, and through the many primary and secondary characters in Pictures of You we experience the whole beautiful and messy slice of life.

The secondary cast of characters in Pictures of You felt just as well drawn and real as Adam and Peter did. Peter's parents were fairly in denial, for most of the book, leaving Peter to his own devices. His father, once he started to suspect that he and Adam were more than friends, just kind of ignored it, hoping it would all go away, until close to the end of the book, when he was rather forced to pay attention. And his mother, lord, she was a piece of work. Completely incapable of dealing with reality, as soon as anything got too "heavy", she was sleeping with Prince Valium.

Adam's parents were absent almost entirely, but what we did see of them explained, at least a little, why Adam was so insistent about lying about himself. His mother knew about his bisexuality, and was ok with it, conceptually, but insisted that he keep "that side of himself" under wraps until he was in college, lest it reflect badly on the family. His father got violent with Adam, previously, when he learned of Adam's attraction to other boys, as well. So, I get it. I do. Adam's sister, Sarah, was very much the type of person for whom appearances were everything. She, also knew about Adam, but like her mother, insisted that Adam keep it hidden, because it might damage her social reputation. In fact, of all the major secondary characters, it took me the longest to warm to Sarah. She turned out to have a redeeming quality or two, but, I had to look kind of hard.

Renée DeShea was a drag queen, who introduced Adam to spankings, which he took to liking quite a lot. Though it definitely had a sexual overtone, I think Adam kind of saw it as self-flagellation-by-proxy, as well. I'm curious to see if this will be explored further. Renée also took Peter under her wing and became a good friend and confidant. Like any drag queen worth her salt, she saw too much and took no shit. And it is through Robert Michaels (Renée's non-drag persona), that Peter met Daniel, as well. Daniel was a few years older. He was an architectural student at UT, Knoxville and there was an attraction right away, and it was reciprocated. However, do not worry, Daniel and Peter do not pursue anything other than a casual friendship because Peter is still in high school and has a boyfriend. Daniel was an admirable guy. I liked him a lot.

There are quite a few other characters I could mention, as well, but this review is already way too long...

Pictures of You is told in the past tense, in Peter's POV. This story is part of Peter's journey to living his truth, to being someone he can respect. The events of this novel are both hopeful and heartbreaking and there is so much uncertainty. Am I glad I read Pictures of You ? Yes, unequivocally. It is exceptionally well written and the story grabbed hold of me and hasn't let go. It's not an easy read, though, and it is not going to be for everyone, but I do hope you give this story a chance. I should also note that while not really cliffhangery, the ending is clearly not the end. Peter's journey has just begun.

"Love was like honey -- a little was good, a lot was amazing, and too much? Well, too much made a big, sticky mess, a sweet mire I was drowning in, alone and more exhausted by the minute."

----------------
ARC of Pictures of You was generously provided by the author, in exchange for an honest review.

[Lilly [Hiatus due to School] · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Why is the way I love so awful that someone has to be called out to blame for it?" My eyes burned. "Am I that horrible? Was he?"

When I picked up Pictures of You, I really did not know what I was getting into, but I trust Leta Blake. This is not a simple coming of age story and I know from this first book alone it's going to be such an emotional journey. I felt so many emotions in this one book already.

We have Peter, an aspiring photographer who transfers to a private school for his senior year after getting physically assaulted by students. This is because a rumour spreads that he's gay, which paints a target on his back. During orientation, he meets Adam and Sara, who come from Jordan. The charismatic and confident Adam pulls in Peter, and soon, feelings and lust bloom between them. For Peter, Adam is his first everything, and he truly falls for him. He's been alone for so long with no friends and parents who are busy with their own lives. He finally feels like he's a part of something. However, this is the early 90s, and in Kansas, being openly gay is not easy. In order to keep up appearances, Adam starts to date a female student, and while this hurts Peter, he's too caught up in Adam to let him go.

There's a fair amount of cheating in this story. Adam constantly cheats on Peter with his girlfriend. It's been a while since I had such anger towards a character, but goodness, I wanted to smack Adam so many times. I adored Peter, but I wish he stood up for himself more, especially since Adam was a cheating prick. There were some really hard parts of the story because you can feel the hurt and pain that Peter is in, and Adam at times seems like he does not care. While it's true they would need to keep their relationship on the down low, and that Adam already experienced physical violence from his father when he found he was with a boy in the past, it did not excuse what he does to Peter and the innocent girl dragged into this. I often felt rage towards Adam.

An hour later, when I knew for sure he was gone, gone, on a plane and gone—the pain of it hit me hard. I cried, clutching my pillow and wondering if I would ever again get to smell Adam's hair, hold him in my arms, or kiss him. Wondering if I even wanted to anymore. Wondering why it all hurt so damn much. I curled up in my bed, determined to stay there until I understood the meaning of my own heart.

The last third of the story was heartbreaking.

Falling back on my bed, I waited. I didn’t know for what exactly. Maybe something that would make everything all right. I waited for my mother to come to my room to say she was sorry, to tell me she loved me. I waited for Adam to come over and make love to me, to kiss my heartbreak away

I opened my mouth to tell him the truth. I wanted him to know I wasn’t going to wait for him, or maybe I was, but not if we just went back to the same old lies and games. I didn’t want to be the guy who lied to a friend and slept with her boyfriend. I didn’t know how to be a gay man, but I knew it didn’t have to look like that.

I am a huge fan of Leta's writing, and this book was no different. You can feel all the hard work, emotions and love that they put into this story. I love getting lost in a book and feeling like I am transported to the setting, and their writing never fails to do that.

We have a cast of interesting characters who I hope to see more of. Especially the group of queer adults that Peter has become close with.

There's no HEA at the end of this book as Peter's first summer after graduating high school starts. I am excited to see what is next come and need this boy get his happy ever after.

Please check TWs and the author's note.

[Leta Blake]

ETA: NOW AVAILABLE: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M13MBVG

This series has been in the works for fourteen years. It is my favorite work in many ways and Peter is the character of my heart. I hope readers love him, too. Thank you to every reader! I know Peter is in good hands now. :)

***

Coming September 2016.

[Marci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow wow wow!!!! Utterly captivating all the way through. Gritty, honest, heartbreaking. These characters are complicated and their actions messy, and I was completely engrossed in the mess!!!! I couldn’t look away and hours felt like minutes as I read and read and read. I enjoyed seeing a more nuanced and less straightforward take on romantic love. Where two people meet and they automatically turn the other person into the best, most idealized version of themselves. Where they are so undoubtedly good for each other. I love reading about that type of love but so enjoyed something different! Adam and Peter make each other better, worse and everything in between; all within the same day sometimes. If they ended up together or if they didn’t by the end of the series, I can’t say what I think will happen or what I’m rooting for most but that’s another aspect I really appreciate about this series - the unpredictability of it all!! I cannot wait to start book two. Also, Peter is such a distinct voice. He’s taken up occupancy in my brain space and I doubt he’ll be leaving for a while!!

[Jaime · Rating 5 out of 5]

*5/Reading Again 5/7/23 - Getting ready for Book 3 😄 — I can safely say this book remains a solid 5 Star story ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Don’t go into this story expecting a typical romance. This story is set in 1990-1991 in Knoxville Tennessee - as I mentioned in my first review this was definitely not an easy time for the LGBTQ community - homosexuality was thought of as being a sinful choice and HIV was just becoming understood, sadly many religious zealots felt HIV was “Gods punishment for the gays” - so definitely not an easy time to be a gay senior in high school exploring your first relationship. The fact that said relationship was hidden, that your boyfriend also has a girlfriend “to hide is attraction to men,” the fact that you are friends with your boyfriend’s girlfriend - Peter wasn’t really having the best first relationship experience. Like the lyrics to Should Have Known Better by Hinder
“First love is hard enough, Even worse to give it up” Just keep all of this in mind as you go into this book.

Peter’s journey is one you don’t want to miss!

👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

This is my First review from 8/16/2016 -



5 Perfect Stars
This is an amazing story that I couldn't put down! Peter's story is one that will make your heart ache. For those of you who dislike cheating, you may not like this story however, it really isn't cheating in the usual sense and I think everything Peter is put through in book one is going to make him all the more stronger in following books.

This story is set in the year 1991 and takes place in Knoxville Tennessee, so think back to a time when being Gay was really frowned upon, AIDS was running rampt, and there wasn't a lot of outlets for confused teenagers - no Internet and no cell phones. I will say Leta Blake did an excellent job of bringing us back to my high school years! It was a bit nostalgic reading about certain events in this book and remembering where I was on that day. Excellent Job!

The MC in this story are Peter and Adam - both high school seniors at a prep school in Knoxville TN. There are numerous supporting characters all who add to the story such as Sara, Adams Twin sister and Mr. Landry an instructor who provides extra support to his students, then there is Leslie Adams girlfriend.

Peter, he has known he was different since he had Strawberry Shortcake decorations in his room as a child instead of cars. He knew he liked boys when the Sears Catalogue underwear models caught his eye and he found himself fantasizing about them. He had never come right out and proclaimed his sexuality, but remember this story takes place in 1991 in Tennessee - we as a country were not even half as accepting as we are now over twenty years later, so he hid his sexuality. However, he didn't hide it well enough as he was constantly being beat up and after the 5th time his parents had enough and transferred him out of public school to private for his senior year. He only has one year to make it through without attracting attention to himself, but it seems that's not an option when new transfer student and his new neighbor Adam becomes his best friend and more leaving Adam totally flustered and in a state of perpetual teenage angst!

Adam is a character that you at times feel bad for because he is so confused and at others just want him to stop messing with Peter's heart! Adam, he does a little bit of transformation but he is scared and confused throughout most of this book, making decisions based on what he thinks others need or want - and then he starts to explore a side of himself being Spanked and released from his "sins" and I wonder if Leta will further explore that aspect of the story with Adam. Overall, he is a character that is very complex - he loves both males and females and it's making his life and Peters really crazy.

Leta Blake has created the perfect romantic tragedy either way someone will get hurt. Peter, he is Gay. Adam he is Bi-sexual. Then there is Leslie Adam's girlfriend. That is just the tip of the plot too - there is so much more as is revealed slowly throughout this first installment!

If that's not enough let's add in Daniel who is a college guy who is very attracted to Peter and Peter to him, however nothing could happen while Peter was in high school and had a boyfriend.


The way this story ended I have to wonder what Peter is going to get up to now that he has graduated from high school and Adam is on a plane to spend his summer in Rome.


So much potential and so many ways to go with this series! I am already dying for book two!!

5 Stars!!!
❥❥**´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•`*ARC provided by Author in exchange for an honest review.
Reviewed by Jaime from Alpha Book Club

[oshiiy · Rating 4 out of 5]

There might be spoilers in the review ⚠️

4.25 stars ⭐️ Omg, too much cheating. I fucking hate teenage love stories. How come I even finished this book in the first place. Adam and Peter and the relationship between them are so fucked up, and I hate how Adam plays everything so much cooler. And Peter being so vulnerable because of Adam makes me want to smack Peter so hard. This book was torturing me the whole time!!

“..lying in bed and staring at the sliding glass doors out to the balcony, I thought about Adam’s arm around Leslie’s shoulder, the casual way he walked with her, kissed her, and pulled her possessively close. And then I remembered his mouth on my cock and his desperate noises in my ear as he’d rubbed himself off. I curled on my side, the ugliness of our situation stabbing through me.”

But man, this book is well written and developed that I'm in awe. Told by only Peter's POV, and not a standalone.

On to the next book!

[Keira Andrews · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored this gay fiction coming of age story. It's emotional and enthralling, and if you want a book that will hit you in the feels, here it is. In this first part of Peter's story, we meet an insecure teenager swept up by the excitement of first love and smokin' hot sexual discovery. Peter's just starting to find his place in the world as a young gay man, and there are lots of bumps and bruises along the way as new people come into his life, bringing changes both positive and negative.

Charismatic Adam is a force of nature, and Peter gets lost in his orbit. But is he also losing himself and his sense of right and wrong? When we're young, one person can feel like our whole world, even if that person is toxic, and we can do things we're not proud of. Peter's not out to his parents, who are rather oblivious and wrapped up in their own lives, especially his author mother. So the attention Adam pays to Peter is hard to resist, even when he knows better, going one step forward, then two back.

But this is just the beginning of Peter's journey and the lessons he has to learn to become a happy, emotionally healthy man. While Adam has Peter enthralled, we do meet Daniel, an older college student who catches Peter's interest as well...

This is fiction with romance elements, so not your typical genre romance. But I do know Peter will get his happy ending at the conclusion of the series. (Bias alert: Leta is a good friend and I edited this book.) Peter is such an easy character to root for, even when you want to shake him. I love characters that are flawed and don't always make the best or right choices. No cookie cutters here. I can't wait to read the next chapter in Peter's journey!

[Papie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peter is a sweet, adorable, artsy, serious gay nerd. In high school, in the American south, in the 90s. Let’s just say it sucks.

And then

He meets Adam. Gorgeous, worldly, sophisticated, closeted bisexual Adam.

First kiss. First handjob in a bathroom stall. First love. First everything.

I nodded, lost in a haze of lust and joy. I was having sex. With a boy. It was amazing. It was the best idea anyone had ever had. And I never wanted it to end.

It’s too good to be true. Literally. Girlfriends. Cheating. Pretending to be straight.

“You want to know what that’s called?” “What?” Robert squeezed me and then pulled back, looking right into my eyes. “Baby, that’s called ‘fucked up.’”

I feel like we would have all loved Adam if we had his POV. We don’t. We hate him. We love to hate him. But he is also a lost little gay/bisexual boy in the 90s.

Heartbreak. Tears. It hurts.

Something in me had broken over our months together. It hadn’t been an instant break, more of a slow shatter. I could point back to moments and say, “This crack started there, and this one there,” but now I was a mess of barely-held-together glass, and it was only a matter of time until I fell apart completely. Until we both did.

I loved the 90s ambiance. It felt like it was written then. It’s not in your face 90s. It just is. It brought me back to my high school years.

I loved all the characters. Crazy protective Sare-Bear. Sweet Leslie. Fabulous Robert/Renee. Daniel.

I can’t wait to read the rest of their stories.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 stars ... My third Leta Blake book and I'm officially a fan! This was so well written and *almost* perfect. I went in expecting Adam to be the "bad guy" and was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't at all! I actually liked him very much. Yes, some of his behavior is questionable or just flat out wrong and for this he certainly deserves a spanking ... which he receives ... on two occasions! 😏 However, he is pretty much an "open book" to Peter and Peter could walk away at any time. He doesn't and that's on him, not Adam. There is no bullying, threats, pressure from Adam towards Peter. They are equally complicit in their lies and deceptions. BUT, without these less than admirable actions and behaviors, there would be no story ... or a very dull story. These issues are the driving force behind the story and I was lovin' every single paragraph! I'm chompin' at the bit to continue this saga ... 😉

[Amina · Rating 4 out of 5]

✰ 4.25 stars ✰

“Can I ask you something?” I asked after a few minutes.

“Of course.”

“What’s it called when the guy you’re with is also with a girl who doesn’t know about you?”

Robert shook his head and turned to hug me hard. I relaxed with my cheek on his shoulder while he rubbed my back.

“You want to know what that’s called?”

“Yes?”

Robert squeezed me and then pulled back, looking right into my eyes.

“Baby, that’s called ‘fucked up.’”



I don't know if there was anything I loved about Pictures of You because everything that happened made me as SAD and miserable and unhappy as our young eighteen-year-old narrator, Peter. And if that was Leta Blake's true intention - for us to viscerally feel Peter's painfully heart-breaking coming-of-age journey then she shined magnificently in that department.

“I could take a whole roll of you.”

There is honestly nothing more frustrating than reading a book that is written so incredibly well, and still - everything about the story hurt. Peter - everything that happened to him was not fair - not kind - and I wish more than anything that he will happiness that will be honest to himself and the world. What could have been a start to a beautiful relationship - one where two young boys could embrace being themselves together - gets mired in secrets and so much cheating - it made me so furious and upset that Peter would subjugate himself to the whims and charms of Adam. And yet, that really is where the writing excelled - that it could make me feel such a variety of emotions. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

“Worried about what? I wanted ask. Worried that your fuck buddy might get a real boyfriend? Or do you actually have feelings for me? Like I have for you?”



I'm not even going to deign talking about Adam - I've never met a character who I've disliked so much from my core - everything about his relationship with Peter was toxic and based solely on sex. Yes, they had their friendship and their moments where they hung out and were the semblance of people who connected over their sexuality - but most of the time they spent together - it was all about SEX!!

Angry sex - passionate sex - experimental sex - emotional sex - just so overcharged with the lust and desire of consummating their relationship that I couldn't honestly believe they could even have the chance of a happy romance. That unexpected spanking scene made me so uncomfortable, but it was their way of expressing their acknowledgement of what they were doing was wrong.😭😭

“What had I done? What did it mean? A sob wrenched me. Grief and anger, hatred and love, swelled in me and heaved from my throat in waves.

Adam stoked his fingers over my cheek, smearing the wetness of my tears. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I deserve it.”

Nothing about us was okay. It never had been and it never would be. This is what he made me feel, this is what we’d turned into, and I hated it and myself. I wanted out. I wanted a future where Adam didn’t want me to hit him and it didn’t satisfy me so much.”

Not to mention the disrespect he was showing their mutual friend and his girlfriend, Leslie - someone who was totally ignorant of their ongoing relationship. Keeping it a secret from her and still being with her as a couple - simply for outward appearances and for people not to talk - not even taking to account how hurt Peter has to be feeling about it.

Who would ever want to share their love with someone else - in such a covert and deceptive manner such as what he was forcing Peter into? 😩 No matter the situation - no matter the reason - and I hated that Peter didn't see his own self-worth, that he could reduce himself to a mere side dish - a fuck buddy - just to satiate both their sexual desires. 😔 It just fueled me with such rage that he had no way out for his own happiness.

“It was secret, it was shameful, and it was doomed to be forever a private joy and an endless despair. Is that what Adam had in store for me? For us?

...

Secrets and lies felt like my whole life.”

And yet, the sensible part of me doesn't let me allow myself to rest easy with my hatred towards him and his actions completely. Why?? Because, the story is set in the 90's. This very significant inclusion in the title makes me stop and reconsider every thought and feeling I have for this series - it's not fair for us to judge how Adam is behaving. Leta Blake doesn't allow the readers to see it from his point of view - even if we know better Adam is living a life where he really can't be able to be honest about himself. So for him to latch onto the one person who he sees something of himself in him - I just feel so conflicted - because I believe his attraction for Peter - I understand why he has to keep Leslie on his arm - I just don't have to like it... 😒😒

“Love was like honey—a little was good, a lot was amazing, and too much? Well, too much made a big, sticky mess, a sweet mire I was drowning in, alone and more exhausted by the minute.”

And what pains me the most - is that if this story was set in today's time - it may not be the most ideal of times we're in right now - but I think, you could actually call out Adam's treatment of Peter. It wouldn't be something that you feared - even if you're living in a neighborhood where homosexuality isn't openly accepted or addressed - there could still be a hopeful glimmer of a chance that you could have a way out. The fact that the series is aptly titled '90s Coming of Age' is where you know, you're in for an emotional heart-wrenching read - and it makes me slightly understand why they were behaving the way they were. 🤍🤍

There was such a colorful set of characters - in Peter's school life and out of it. And Daniel? He was such a sweetheart, kind-hearted soul, so respectful of Peter and his age, despite his obvious apparent attraction to him. Will he get his HEA? On that bittersweet ending? 🥺🥺

“I never could have known it would bring me up so high and down so low. I’d discovered so much about myself—things I was proud of and things I didn’t like. And I’d found out that love wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Not when the world is against you. I wasn’t ready for what the future held for us, but it was here.

...

Being gay is hard.”

Through reading books set in this time period, I'm slowly starting to learn about how difficult it was for people to be open about who they were - in their sexuality - in their identity. And it just makes me so sad and frustrated at how many lives were suffering in silent and struggling and still coping, simply because they couldn't be who they were. Hiding in fear or shame or guilt - it just - it's not fair - it's really not fair. 😢😢

I apologize if this was a rant more than an actual review. I read this simply because I was amazed that a series could have it's final conclusion released almost seven years after it's last release. And having also read the emotional rollercoaster that is the part 2 of this series, I'm even more upset and conflicted about my feelings for Peter and how if I thought his senior year was a whirlwind of feels, his summer before college is definitely not for the faint-hearted. 💘

[.Lili. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Leta, Leta, Leta,

You've been-



At first glance you know this is the coming of age story of Peter and Adam. Peter's isolated at school and keeps his homosexuality a secret. In comes the new guy, Adam, who sweeps Peter off his feet. Easy, right?



This book put me through the ringer. I'm going to post a few images of what I felt like while reading it.




Adam,


Peter,






I feared for my iPad while reading this. I even thought to myself- there's no way this book is getting a high rating because-



Nothing higher than 2 Stars! It was such a hard read at times and made me crazy. But you know what some things you can't ignore. For example:

-Great plot
-Excellent characterization
-Awesome pace
-And an ending that left me wanting more. I mean, what's going to happen? How's it all going to work out?

So, as much as this book drove me insane and gave me high blood pressure- I have to give credit where credit's due. Leta Blake is an exceptional writer. All those emotions she wanted her readers to feel- she accomplished. There was also that part of me that understood why Adam and Peter did the things they did. Teenagehood is such a confusing time. How could I stay mad at them and not sympathize? You evil genius, you!



Ms. Blake- well played.

5 Stars.


ARC kindly provided to Gay Book Reviews.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love coming of age stories and I love Leta Blake, so when I saw this ARC available I immediately requested it. I'm so glad I did! What a book! It consumed me from start to finish. I probably would have read it in one sitting if real life would have let me. Alas, my job as chauffeur, housekeeper and head chef kept getting in the way. But every time I put the book down, I couldn't wait to get back to it.

I'll be honest with you, it's not an easy read. You are not always going like these characters or their actions. You will be mad. You will be sad. Your heart will hurt. A lot.

You'll want to shake some sense into Peter. You'll want to smack Adam upside the head. You'll want to rail at both of them for all the bad decisions they've made and all the lies they've told.

But in the end, you will feel hopeful. Maybe the future isn't so bad for these boys.

This book is not a standalone. There's no bright, shiny happily ever after. It's the first in a series with a happy for now. I, for one, can't wait for the next book to see where the story takes them.

I received an ARC of this book from the author via IndiGo Marketing & Design in exchange for an honest review.

[Dia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The writing was superb!!! And even if I was enraged by the unfairness of it all most of the book, I loved Peter and this story! Truly beautiful!!! Sad, extremely painful at times, but amazing!
Jumping right into the second book. My heart aches SO bad, but I NEED to know what happens next.

"Something in me had broken over our months together. It hadn’t been an instant break, more of a slow shatter. I could point back to moments and say, “This crack started there, and this one there,” but now I was a mess of barely held together glass, and it was only a matter of time until I fell apart completely. Until we both did."

[Alisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have a few authors where I don't even read the blurbs. Someone says "Hey, do you want an ARC from *insert author name* and I say "Yes" and off I go. This author is on that list. So.......Alisa didn't read the blurb or the note at the bottom of it and went into this expecting a sweet ya love story. Alisa ended up reading way into the middle of the night while grasping a bottle of wine, a box of kleenex and alternating between having teary eyes and screaming death threats at a fictional character. (You know....as all sane people do).

The Feelz in this. OMG.....the feelz. As the blurb says (now that I've read it) Peter is an 18 year old going into his last year of high school. He was bullied at his previous school so he's transferring into a private school where he meets Adam, who is also a new transfer. The two boys become friends and then more. While Peter knows he is gay he is not "out". His parents don't know and he doesn't actually have any friends to tell. He lives in the South and does not feel very safe in regards to coming out about his sexuality. Adam on the other hand is Peter's opposite. He's traveled the world and he knows he is bisexual and he has had experience with both girls and boys. Despite having more experience Adam is not really comfortable with his feelings towards males. He also has far more fear about the community they live in than Peter does.

This part of the story covers their last year of high school and all the feelings that go with it. The story is told from Peter's pov and he learns a lot about love and sex and embracing who you are. Unfortunately he also learns a lot about lies, and secrets, and shame, and losing respect for yourself.

My emotions were wrung out in this. So many times I wanted to shake both of these boys. I would get so frustrated with Peter for letting Adam do the things he did but I remember high school and I remember fumbling through those first relationships. I remember the hard lessons most of us have to learn along the way. Adam was really hard for me. I was just as smitten with him at the beginning of the book as Peter was. As the story goes on I became more and more angry with him. I get he's a teenager and teenagers are by nature often very selfish but it doesn't make it any easier to read. By the end of the book I was raging with anger at him. It will be a hard sell for the author to redeem him for me (not even sure that's where this story is going but I'm drinking coffee out of my Adrien English coffee mug as I write this cuz.....flashbacks)

The end of the story brings us to the end of high school with college on the horizon. Peter's taking a hard look at himself and thinking about the choices he has to make next. I'm kind of worried since I believe there are 3 more books in the series. Seems like it's going to be a hella long, emotional road to the hea. *adds "more wine" to the grocery list*

I wasn't sure at first how I was going to rate this. The writing and storytelling were just great but I was so upset with the events that happened that when I finished this last night I was not a happy reader. After giving it lot's of thought though, I realized that the fact that I am so wrecked speaks to the fabulous storytelling that took place here. So.....go buy some alcohol, build a little concrete wall around your heart, practice all your swear words and go get this.

*ARC received via IndiGo Marketing & Design in exchange for a honest review*

[CrabbyPatty · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars for this amazing and gut-wrenching book.

Peter is a new student at Kingsley High, a private high school in Knoxville, Tennessee. "Tormented by a group of jocks who’d pegged [Peter] as gay since the eighth grade," his parents transfer him to Kingsley for his senior year. At late summer orientation he meets twins Adam and Sarah, who've attended various American schools around the world and have been sent to Knoxville to live with their older brother, away from the political turmoil in the Middle East and Jordan, where their Iranian father (who works at the UN) and American mother currently live.

"Pictures of You" chronicles their final year in high school - 1990-1991. This isn't referred to in the book, but just as a point of reference, in that time period Ryan White died of AIDS, the FDA approved AZT, Nelson Mandala was freed, Magic Johnson announced his AIDS status, Freddie Mercury died and Operation Desert Shield was created in response to Iraq's invasion of Kuwait.

Peter, who has known he was gay since age 10 - when he really really wanted to kiss Han Solo - quickly finds himself involved with bisexual Adam, who is Peter's first kiss, first sex ... first everything. But Adam tells Peter they must keep their relationship secret at school, and soon begins dating a girl in their class Leslie, supposedly to divert attention away from Peter and Adam's friendship.

High school is already a heady mix of hormones, angst and drama, and Peter finds himself also dealing with his boyfriend, his boyfriend's girlfriend and all the lies, secrets and half-truths that go along with it. As Peter reflects near the end of the book:

I’d been so nervous that first day, so anxious and ready to find out just what the year ahead would bring. I never could have imagined it would have brought me Adam or Sarah or Robert. I couldn’t have imagined I’d have friends like Leslie and Mike, or I’d have a boyfriend and a lot of sex. I never could have known it would bring me up so high and down so low. I’d discovered so much about myself—things I was proud of and things I didn’t like. And I’d found out that love wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Not when the world is against you.

Without giving away much more of the plot, I can't say that I loved every minute of it, nor especially liked some of the characters, but "Pictures of You" felt real and true and I cannot wait to read the next three books in the series to find out what happens to Peter in the 90's.

I received an ARC of "Pictures of You" from the author, via the IndiGo Marketing Street Team, in exchange for an honest review.

Visit my blog, Sinfully Good Gay Book Reviews

[Gabi · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great start to this trilogy! I was totally captivated from the first page to the last. I couldn’t put the book/audiobook aside.
Leta Blake's writing is excellent. She really knows how to bring characters to life. They are so real, flawed and multi-layered.

He made me crazy too. He made me want to climb on top of the stupid Sunsphere downtown and scream, “I’m in love with Adam Algedi!” for the whole world to hear. He made me want to grab his head and fuck his mouth. He made me bang my head against the wall and stifle a cry when I came down his throat. He made me pull him up and kiss him blind afterward. He made me want to tell him I loved him when I didn’t know what the hell was going on anymore.


I held my chin high as I walked steadily down the stairs. It was time for a new start. A summer of me without Adam. A summer to find out who I wanted to be.

[Ele · Rating 5 out of 5]

~4.5 stars~

I want to hunt down Leta Blake and stalk her until she tells me what will happen in the end of this series. "Pictures of you" put me through an emotional wringer, and fucked with my sanity big time. And this is only the beginning of Peter's journey!

I'm just going to share some thoughts since there are already wonderful and instructive reviews (read Jewel and Heather's review).

I know there are a lot of Adam haters out there but I'm not one of them. It's easy to love Peter, the gay kid growing up in the South, bullied and beaten up. I loved Peter so much and I'm always on his side. But what about Adam? Adam made, and is still making, some horrible, selfish decisions. He's wrong, there's no doubt about it. But I can't even fathom what it is like to be a bisexual and polyamorous kid, living in the south, with a bad experience in love, a fucked up family, in an era whithout any social media or any available resources that would help him understand himself and explain it to others. And if we were to blame Adam, we should blame Peter too, because he knew every step of the way, and played his part. He made his choices too.

Honestly, though, nobody should blame nobody. These are imperfect characters that screw up when the place and era provide plenty of reasons to do so.

That said, let me get this off my chest...
ADAM! YOU LYING, CHEATING, SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT PUNK ASS CHEATER!!!!

I don't know if Peter will end up with Adam. I know that this is Peter's story, but I hope that Adam can find happiness and peace too.

Don't read this book for the romance (although it is there and hurts so good). Read it for its truth, and its realism.

[Claudie ☾ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Available for FREE for a limited time, HERE is the BookFunnel link!

***

Holy crap. This book, you guys! 😳 So freaking intense. I cannot believe a YA/NA novel gave me all those feels… 😵‍💫

I don’t even know what to say right now, except that Pictures of You managed to exceed ALL my expectations (which had been super high after reading some of my friends’ reviews). It was just so real, and raw, and intense, and so beautifully written too — and did I mention intense?? Ahhh...!!!

The angst here was just…



SO, SO GOOD! 😭 This was no ott teenage drama I’d come to associate with YA/NA romance over the years. It was some of the best-written and most unpretentious angst I’ve had the pleasure to read (and tear up to) in a looong time.

Book 2, here I come…

TW for readers with hard limits: cheating — physical and emotional — is a big part of this story. If that’s not a dealbreaker for you, consider giving this book/series a chance. You won’t regret it.

[Ariana (mostly offline) · Rating 4 out of 5]

3,5 stars

How the heck can I possibly rate this?
I can't remember ever being that upset and frustrated for virtually a whole book.
I loved Peter, LOVED him with everything I've got and maybe it's age or whatever but I felt so protective of him I just wanted to kill Adam most of the time.

Peter is sweet, and cute and kind and everything else lovely people around him say, even if he doesn't believe that. He is a lovable nerd, so when he meets Adam,who is confident and hot and sexually more experienced than him, he has no chance resisting when Adam makes clear he wants him. And it is obvious that Peter falls for him. Hard. It's first love, first proper kiss and first everything else with Adam.
If that sounds cute, nope - well, there are a couple of moments, but the big problem is: although Adam says he loves Peter, he hasn't got the slightest intention of acknowledging their relationship. Even worse, Adam is so scared of being branded gay, he gets himself a girlfriend (so if you are one of those people who can't stand cheating - this might not be for you because alas, she isn't just a beard, but becomes his proper girlfriend who he also has sex with. And Adam makes very clear he loves HER, too. And he compares Peter's and her lovemaking! GULP. No. I couldn't take that. This is when I really started getting angry.

The triangle between Peter, Adam and Leslie who has no idea what's going on is more than awful to watch. What's even worse is that Peter is putting up with all of Adam's BS again and again. I know this is set in the 90s and things were different then. And that Adam is scared sh**less about the consequences of being found out a 'faggot' (and we do see a lot of hatred and homophobia). But I just couldn't find it in my heart to warm to him.
I guess Leta Blake wanted to show Adam as a torn character, insecure within himself and at the bottom of his heart a nice guy, but sorry, a lot of the things Adam did made my blood curl. I hated their first time together. Even if this may be realistic - I'm sorry I can make no informed comment on that - it FELT just horribly wrong and I could hardly read through it.

I HURT for Peter, for every thing he takes on his chin, out of love. But then something miraculous happens - he finds out that there might be other fish in the sea, that find him attractive and suddenly something changes inside him. He starts realizing how f****d up his situation is, he suddenly sees that it is NOT ok what Adam does. And most of all he realizes that he doesn't like the person HE has become.

I didn't know how much longer I could stand being a person I couldn't respect. he says and yet, he still keeps coming back to Adam. And how heart-breaking is this thought of his:

Love was like honey - a little was good, a lot was amazing, and too much? Well, too much made a big, sticky mess, a sweet mire I was drowning in, alone and more exhausted by the minute.

At that point I really couldn't get my head round their relationship any longer and got thoroughly annoyed (again).

I KNOW that the author is showing us that Peter is slowly coming to his senses or whatever you want to call it, that he is working his way through it all, that he moves on slowly for his good, and that he grows up, matures and finally comes to the best conclusion there is.
And good on him, but blame it on my hormones I found the whole thing hard to take. Good God, the anguish of it all. I know I will calm down because the ending is good and hopeful and realistic, but I'm not sure I will ever read this again. Maybe on a day when I feel a tad masochistic.

This doesn't mean AT ALL that this isn't a well written book - because it is. Leta Blake does wave her magic wand and drags you through Peter's mangled feelings backwards. Her writing does reflect how young the characters are. And we do get character development, at least on Peter's side, but I have never read a book for a long time that got me so angry. But that's most likely because I don't get coming of age novels.

So how do I rate this book?
It's 4 stars, considering how much I love Peter, but the crucifying plot caused me so much exasperation, frustration and outrage I decided to take a little bit off.

ARC received from author via Indigo Marketing And Design in exchange for an honest review.

[BevS · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another historical series [yep, set in the 1990's...Geez, does that make me feel old!! 😕], and Leta, this has gone straight into my top 5 reads of 2016!! We have a) oodles of feels [yes, the emotional wringer has made so few appearances this year, so yay!!], b) excellent writing, [well duh...it's Leta!!], and c) a child-like innocence, but also so many lies and numerous instances when cheating rears it's ugly head [ugh!!...although to be honest, I'm making allowances cos they're only 18 and not yet adult enough in my eyes]. There is NO HEA in this particular coming of age story [but then again, you should already know that, it's a series of 4 stories [**update 2023. 3 stories not 4 and the final story in the trilogy ONLY YOU comes out fairly shortly I believe**] and Leta has promised that there'll be a HEA for Peter by the end, and he richly deserves it]. 5 big, shiny stars from me. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Will this be a 'first love' story for Peter that lasts throughout the series?? Who knows, but I really felt for him, cos he seemed to be the only one who felt guilty about keeping secrets. Adam seemed to be a very experienced albeit incredibly selfish 18 year old, who was quite happy 'getting his bread buttered on both sides' so to speak, but that left many of the 'gang' that hung around the Algedi brother and sister keeping secrets themselves [and let's face it, Adam was originally sort of guilt-tripped into seeing a girl and behaving 'normally' by his mother]. Peter was gay-bashed at his last school, and moving to this free-thinking private school was considered a good move by his parents, but of course there are bullies and bigots everywhere unfortunately.

Adam's rationale of protecting Peter and himself from the bullies by going out with a girl [and no, she wasn't a beard] was obviously flawed, and Peter's loneliness and sense of despair when Adam was with Leslie were almost palpable things. Adam keeps stringing Peter along by telling him that he loves him, and I think in his own way he probably does cos he gets jealous when other guys check Peter out, BUT Peter needs to decide how much more he can take before he completely falls apart. I was quite encouraged at the end by Adam going off to college AND the appearance of Daniel's photograph [go Peter!!]. A great cast of secondary characters in this one, and as far as Peter's mother is concerned, I suspect there is still more to discover about the death of her gay brother [and that was quite graphic].

All in all, a really awesome and engrossing read Leta, and can't wait for book 2!!

[BookSafety Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book safety, content warnings, and tropes down below.

I didn’t know how much longer I could stand being a person I couldn’t respect.

Some books are nearly impossible to boil down into a few paragraphs and a list of tropes. I imagine it will only get more difficult with each book in the trilogy. I put off reading this book for absolute ages, because I knew it would be angsty, emotional and hard to read. I got as much as possible of what happens spoiled so that I could deal with the content and topics.

Something in me had broken over our months together. It hadn’t been an instant break, more of a slow shatter. I could point back to moments and say, “This crack started there, and this one there,” but now I was a mess of barely-held-together glass, and it was only a matter of time until I fell apart completely.

It’s a brutal, honest, heartwrenching story about first loves, friendships and unhealthy relationships, and it really doesn’t pull any punches. This is more Peter’s story than it is a love story, and the inner turmoil Peter deals with throughout (and it really only builds) was intense, and I ended up feeling this continuous sense of dread on his behalf, because you can see how it will only end in heartbreak, and the main character knows it too.

Love was like honey—a little was good, a lot was amazing, and too much? Well, too much made a big, sticky mess, a sweet mire I was drowning in, alone and more exhausted by the minute.

Peter isn’t perfect, but he’s a good person struggling with his situation. Adam, however… I hate him with my entire being, lol. He is awful, and very early on I could see the tendrils of how his strong personality and manipulative behavior would play out, and I was both right and wrong. I was right, but it was just worse than I expected, even after getting *all* the spoilers.

“Why is the way I love so awful that someone has to be called out to blame for it?” My eyes burned. “Am I that horrible? Was he?”

I’m sure there are plenty of great reviews for this book, so I’m not even going to try to explain it all. I can already tell that the trilogy is going to leave a lasting impression, and I’ll be thinking about this book for a long time. It hit a trigger for me, so it certainly wasn’t easy, but I think it was worth it. Leta Blake has done a beautiful job with Peter and his first book, and when I read her explanation and introduction to the book, I got really emotional. You can tell this story means a lot to her, and she has brought all of that emotion to Peter and his story. Somehow, I’m really looking forward to reading the next book.

Adam didn’t have to be my future. He could be my for now. And I’d take whatever I could for as long as I could because, despite everything, I loved him, and it wasn’t going to last. We didn’t stand a chance.

I’ll give details on some of the content warnings and book safety at the very end of this review. Spoiler warning for that as well.

⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️

⚠️ Tropes & tags ⚠️
Coming of age
The 90’s
Closeted MCs
High school
High heat
Love triangle
Historical romance
Push and pull
High school

⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
Cheating
Homophobia
Bullying
Bi erasure
Neglectful parents
Drug use (marijuana)
Underage drinking
Casual homophobic language
Physical assault (hate crime)
Brief mention of parental abuse (past)
Brief mentions of family death (cancer, some details)
Mentions of/discussions of war (desert storm)
Humiliation (verbal abuse, spanking with belt)
Hate crime/murder (past, family member, detailed)

⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: Yes
OM/OW drama: Yes
Third-act breakup: Yes
POV: 1st person, single POV
Genre: Historical/coming of age/romance, M/M
Strict roles or versatile: Versatile
MCs age: 18 and 18

Adam is the main love interest in this first book, but he is not who Peter ends up with at the end of the trilogy. There is no HFN or HEA at the end of book 1.

The cheating:
Adam starts a relationship with a girl (Leslie) while Peter and Adam are still together. Leslie is completely in the dark, so there is cheating between the main characters, as well as Adam cheating on Leslie with Peter.

OM/OW drama:
Mostly based on the cheating mentioned above. Adam has an orgasm while being spanked (not by Peter, and not the spanking situation mentioned in the content warnings) on stage during a drag show. Peter develops a small crush on a young man called Daniel who is introduced late in the book. Nothing happens between them beyond light flirting (in this book). Peter goes on a date with two different girls, and has a fake relationship with one of them for a while. Nothing intimate happens beyond hand holding and a couple pecks. Peter is mostly very loyal to Adam.

[dammit, liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This was kind of beautiful. Bittersweet as fuck. I do feel like I've been sulking after a breakup and listening to The Cure though. As the author says in the blurb, this is a four book series. We're nowhere near Peter's happy ending, so I imagine some of you may want to wait a bit.

This book though. Leta Blake books have a way of getting under my skin. This is quite different from her other stuff, but I was just as emotionally invested, if not more. The writing and characters were lovely. The angst- well, it hurt. She nailed the crippling feeling of first love and heartache. Of not standing up for yourself when you should. Of sickening jealousy.

Adam- well, I hated that guy. Throughout the book, he has a girlfriend who doesn't know about Peter. She doesn't even know he's bi. He manipulates and lies out of fear. We see just enough of his guilt and hurt to make me feel a little sympathy for him. Mostly because Peter loves him so much. That shred of sympathy is just enough that Leta could easily make me fall in love with the character later in the series if that's where it goes. But right now, I kind of want to break his nose.

This wasn't an easy read. It was painfully relatable and angsty. The character flaws are also quite relatable- even Adam's. Though my heart is kind of in my stomach, I love a good tear jerker. This did it. To me, this was a level above anything I've read from this author. If you can handle waiting for more, I highly recommend.

[Kaje Harper · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book begins a series, following eighteen-year-old Peter Mandel as he leaves behind his previous existence as the inexperienced bullied gay virgin kid with no friends. He meets Adam - bisexual, persuasive, closeted, scared, unfair, charismatic, and self-focused. They begin a friendship, and then a sexual relationship, but in the early 90's there is still a lot going against them. Adam insists on hiding, on keeping Peter as his private secret. Adam's sister Sarah backs him up, and will do anything to keep Adam from losing his place near the top of the senior-student hierarchy in their private school.

For Peter, the excitement of discovering love and sex is tempered by the pain of being Adam's dirty secret, and the fear of not knowing whether he might not be dumped by Adam at any time for a safe, publicly approved hetero relationship. Adam sees nothing wrong with using a girl as a beard, and shoots down any suggestion of coming out. Adam does introduce Peter to a wider world, though, and there he finds new friends, and new possibilities.

Peter also has to deal with his home life, and the lurking shadow of his mother's biases. She had a gay uncle once, but something happened, devastating enough that Peter has the feeling if he tries to come out she'll shove him back in the closet and lock the door. Or explode. Something. He wants to be open about who he is, but at home and at school, the fall-out could be nasty.

This is New Adult, not YA - there is plenty of on-page sex. But the feel is very much YA - focused on the complex, confusing, painful, and sometimes badly-handled process of Peter finding out who he really is, and how he can navigate his own truths in a world that loves mainstream lies. The ending is indeterminate - more of a new beginning. The writing is very good, the characters teeth-grindingly flawed at times, but believably so. I look forward to being able to read all 4 parts in a row, to get Peter to a safe place in his life. This one has a fairly complete arc, but left me as much sad as hopeful, and eager to begin the next.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I miss my childhood while reading this book. I grew up in the 90s without internet and cellphone, and it was AWESOME! At least I thought so. How did we survive it? Sometimes I wish I can go back in time so that I can raise my babies without such evil modern technology. But then... I wouldn't have my kindle and my ebook and Goodreads!

This is the first book of the series and despite me feeling more frustration than happiness, I can see so much potential for the author to explore. For our main protagonist, Peter, life isn't easy especially in high school and being gay. I wish I have a time machine for Peter so that he can come to our time and be out and proud joining the Rainbow Parade.

We also have Adam, who is Peter's best friend. I'm not sure am I suppose to be sorry for Adam or hate him for the way he treat Peter. Adam is seriously confused bisexual and he makes me seeing red most of the time. He had Peter and then he had a girlfriend. WTF? Is his character suppose to be redeem later? I'm not sure. I kinda wish for Peter to have a clean slate once he graduated from high school. Probably finding another guy who appreciate and love him unconditionally.

I thought I swore off YA because I can't deal with teenage angst and this book choked full of such drama. If not because of my love for M/M, I don't think I can survive the entire read. I hope the remaining of the books and the story that unfold will be worth it.

[Cyndi (hiatus) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy angst and anger, Batman. I would love to know if anyone who has read this book got any sleep while doing so, because I sure didn't. This story tapped deeply into my benign masochism. How else do you explain loving a book that made you absolutely furious? Peter, baby, you deserve so much better, but we're going to need to find your spine first. Adam, asshole, long walk ->short pier ->get moving. If Adam is end game, it better be a hell of a redemption arc. Thank goodness I already have book #2 on my Kindle. Sleep is overrated anyway.

[Izengabe · Rating 5 out of 5]

1ª relectura (porque habrá más), esta vez en papel. 14 de junio 2019

Sigo amando a Peter como el primer día <3 <3 <3 <3

**********

Me ha encantado, pero toma cliffhanger... ¿Cuándo sale el siguiente???? Aaarrr

Me gusta mucho cómo escribe Leta Blake, me resulta muy agradable leerla, y a algunos de sus personajes los llevo en el corazón (Nicky <3 <3 <3)

En realidad estoy entre las 4 y las 5 (Subo a 5 porque me parece que Leta arriesga al salirse de lo habitual, y bueno, porque me da la gana), y es que si no me ha resultado un libro redondo es porque la historia se queda sin cierre y tenemos que esperar a la próxima entrega para saber más. Contando los días estoy, y deseando que Peter mande a Adam a hacer puñetas y se enrolle con Daniel. LOL. La verdad es que aquí no ayuda que tengamos solamente el POV de Peter... No diría que es un romance, más bien se trata del coming of age del protagonista, a quien es un placer acompañar. Un personaje muy humano, con sus grises, de los que me gustan.
Peter <3 <3 <3

[E · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review to come.