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Χωρίς τη μητέρα μου
Η Νίκι Ίτον είναι μια ανεξάρτητη τριαντάχρονη γυναίκα στη γεμάτη ζωή της οποίας ο ρόλος της κόρης δεν έχει θέση. Παρόλο που επιζητά τη συναισθηματική κάλυψη που της προσφέρει η μητέρα της, δεν την επισκέπτεται συχνά και την ενοχλούν οι νουθεσίες της. Όταν όμως η μητέρα της θα δολοφονηθεί, όλα θα αλλάξουν στη ζωή της. Στην προσπάθειά της να συμφιλιωθεί με το χαμό της, θα εγκατασταθεί στο πατρικό της σπίτι και θα προσπαθήσει να κρατήσει ζωντανή την ανάμνηση της μητέρας της υιοθετώντας τις καθημερινές της συνήθειες, παρά τις έντονες αντιρρήσεις της αδελφής της. Η βασανιστική αυτή πορεία συμφιλίωσης με την απώλεια, που θα διαρκέσει ένα χρόνο, εκτός από το μούδιασμα, τη θλίψη και το πένθος, της επιφυλάσσει ένα συγκλονιστικό μάθημα αγάπης και, τελικά, την κατάκτηση της ωριμότητας, αφού στο τέλος θα βρει έναν καινούργιο σεβασμό για τον εαυτό της και τη ζωή.
Καθηλωτικό. Ένα εξαιρετικό βιβλίο για να αντιμετωπίσεις την απώλεια χωρίς να καταφεύγεις στη λησμονιά.
Dallas Morning News
Το καλύτερο βιβλίο της Όουτς – αριστούργημα.
Kirkus Reviews
Καθηλωτικό. Ένα εξαιρετικό βιβλίο για να αντιμετωπίσεις την απώλεια χωρίς να καταφεύγεις στη λησμονιά.
Dallas Morning News
Το καλύτερο βιβλίο της Όουτς – αριστούργημα.
Kirkus Reviews
600 pages, Paperback
First published October 4, 2005
281 people are currently reading
3165 people want to read
About the author
Joyce Carol Oates
854 books9,623 followersJoyce Carol Oates is an American writer. Oates published her first book in 1963, and has since published 58 novels, a number of plays and novellas, and many volumes of short stories, poetry, and nonfiction. Her novels Black Water (1992), What I Lived For (1994), and Blonde (2000), and her short story collections The Wheel of Love (1970) and Lovely, Dark, Deep: Stories (2014) were each finalists for the Pulitzer Prize. She has won many awards for her writing, including the National Book Award, for her novel Them (1969), two O. Henry Awards, the National Humanities Medal, and the Jerusalem Prize (2019).
Oates taught at Princeton University from 1978 to 2014, and is the Roger S. Berlind '52 Professor Emerita in the Humanities with the Program in Creative Writing. From 2016 to 2020, she was a visiting professor at the University of California, Berkeley, where she taught short fiction in the spring semesters. She now teaches at Rutgers University, New Brunswick.
Oates was elected to the American Philosophical Society in 2016.
Pseudonyms: Rosamond Smith and Lauren Kelly.
Oates taught at Princeton University from 1978 to 2014, and is the Roger S. Berlind '52 Professor Emerita in the Humanities with the Program in Creative Writing. From 2016 to 2020, she was a visiting professor at the University of California, Berkeley, where she taught short fiction in the spring semesters. She now teaches at Rutgers University, New Brunswick.
Oates was elected to the American Philosophical Society in 2016.
Pseudonyms: Rosamond Smith and Lauren Kelly.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 508 reviews
October 13, 2008
I've read a couple of unfriendly reviews here, and I wonder why people need their protagonists to be flawless. This book follows Nikki Eaton as a self-absorbed, single-but-dating-a-married-man wild child through the discovery of her mother's murder and the year of grieving and discovery afterwards. Sure, she's a flawed character, but I still found her sympathetic and compelling - I also appreciate authors that paint realistic portraits of people and can still manage poignancy. People are complicated. I liked Nikki's voice, and identified somehow with her, and a tragedy which I hope desperately never to identify with. I also believe Nikki had to be the selfish, lonely, flawed character she was in order to show the growth she makes over one year, and the maturity which comes along with learning about our mothers' pasts, and missing them, and choosing to respect their life by emulating the good qualities you might not have appreciated while they were alive.
May 13, 2019
This novel begins on Mother’s Day, 2004, in Mount Ephraim, New York.
Gwen Eaton, 56 year old widow - didn’t want her daughters Nikki or Clare to take her out for a meal. She insisted on doing the cooking herself. Mom’s a skillful cook, and a loyal volunteer.
Opening this story on Mother’s Day....was the perfect beginning. We get a fast and interesting understanding of the characters basic make-up... their personalities- their moral compass - their baggage - resentments & judgements.
Nikki is the youngest sister - and the books narrator.
She’s 31 years old - single - involved with a married man. She’s earned the ‘black sheep’ reputation in her family. She shows up with maroon colored hair... and dresses flamboyantly.
Claire is the older sister - married with children. She’s been the more responsible daughter... in contact with her mother regularly.
But... it’s Nikki who finds her mother dead two days after Mother’s Day.
Gwen was brutally murdered. That visual and emotional shock destroyed Nikki. It would anyone.
This is a long story- a ‘few’ lagging spots in the middle of the novel ( but not awful).
There are the dealings with the mystery crime - family secrets - and neighbors.
The sisters connection after their mother’s death was complex - with trials and tribulations- and very real.
Nikki is not particularly the most likable character - but I felt for as she grappled with her mother’s death.
She’s the sister who carried the most regret - remorse - guilt- and confusion.
Both sisters felt the loss and grief.
Joyce Carol Oats is incredibly observant of people- emotions and thoughts. Her writing is lucid... and she’s a master storyteller.
She captures a mood brilliantly.
My mother died in 2005 -
I still remember the shocking phone call like yesterday.... and details after details weeks after.
My older sister and I worked beautiful together. Our love is strong. We were a great comfort team... and split all the after-death doings right down the middle. We never argued.
We didn’t and don’t have baggage and regrets with each other. I’m very grateful.
And ‘mostly’ we were complete in our mother- healing years prior. I was totally complete and loved my mother fully.
My sister had some big struggles to heal. She did years of work - and did great.
For me - I got to see how much ‘more’ painful it is to lose a parent if there is a lot of incomplete history. It’s sad period!! But having regret is a different type of sore.
You can’t force or rush healing - even in storytelling. Oats takes her time unfolding this story - and by the end - I understood why.
I’m definitely glad I read this...( $1.99 kindle deal).....still taking in messages.
The sadness of this tale is raw and honest. We feel the bruises ... but it’s also a bright eye-opener... and moving to see some healing.
I hope my friends here on Goodreads had a lovely Mother’s Day ...
And special blessings to those who have loss their mother’s.
Gwen Eaton, 56 year old widow - didn’t want her daughters Nikki or Clare to take her out for a meal. She insisted on doing the cooking herself. Mom’s a skillful cook, and a loyal volunteer.
Opening this story on Mother’s Day....was the perfect beginning. We get a fast and interesting understanding of the characters basic make-up... their personalities- their moral compass - their baggage - resentments & judgements.
Nikki is the youngest sister - and the books narrator.
She’s 31 years old - single - involved with a married man. She’s earned the ‘black sheep’ reputation in her family. She shows up with maroon colored hair... and dresses flamboyantly.
Claire is the older sister - married with children. She’s been the more responsible daughter... in contact with her mother regularly.
But... it’s Nikki who finds her mother dead two days after Mother’s Day.
Gwen was brutally murdered. That visual and emotional shock destroyed Nikki. It would anyone.
This is a long story- a ‘few’ lagging spots in the middle of the novel ( but not awful).
There are the dealings with the mystery crime - family secrets - and neighbors.
The sisters connection after their mother’s death was complex - with trials and tribulations- and very real.
Nikki is not particularly the most likable character - but I felt for as she grappled with her mother’s death.
She’s the sister who carried the most regret - remorse - guilt- and confusion.
Both sisters felt the loss and grief.
Joyce Carol Oats is incredibly observant of people- emotions and thoughts. Her writing is lucid... and she’s a master storyteller.
She captures a mood brilliantly.
My mother died in 2005 -
I still remember the shocking phone call like yesterday.... and details after details weeks after.
My older sister and I worked beautiful together. Our love is strong. We were a great comfort team... and split all the after-death doings right down the middle. We never argued.
We didn’t and don’t have baggage and regrets with each other. I’m very grateful.
And ‘mostly’ we were complete in our mother- healing years prior. I was totally complete and loved my mother fully.
My sister had some big struggles to heal. She did years of work - and did great.
For me - I got to see how much ‘more’ painful it is to lose a parent if there is a lot of incomplete history. It’s sad period!! But having regret is a different type of sore.
You can’t force or rush healing - even in storytelling. Oats takes her time unfolding this story - and by the end - I understood why.
I’m definitely glad I read this...( $1.99 kindle deal).....still taking in messages.
The sadness of this tale is raw and honest. We feel the bruises ... but it’s also a bright eye-opener... and moving to see some healing.
I hope my friends here on Goodreads had a lovely Mother’s Day ...
And special blessings to those who have loss their mother’s.
March 14, 2018
Βαθμολογία: ★★★★
Ένα μυθιστόρημα απολύτως διεισδυτικό στη ζωή της πρωταγωνίστριας. Με κομβικό σημείο τη δολοφονία της μητέρας της, η Nikki εξετάζει και αναθεωρεί τη ζωή της μέχρι τώρα, τις σχέσεις της με τον περίγυρό της, την οικογένειά της, τον εαυτό της. Στις πρώτες 150 σελίδες αναρωτιόμουν τι παραπάνω μπορεί να πει. Τελικά η Joyce Carol Oates μου έδωσε περισσότερα απ' ότι περίμενα να δώσει.
Ένα μυθιστόρημα απολύτως διεισδυτικό στη ζωή της πρωταγωνίστριας. Με κομβικό σημείο τη δολοφονία της μητέρας της, η Nikki εξετάζει και αναθεωρεί τη ζωή της μέχρι τώρα, τις σχέσεις της με τον περίγυρό της, την οικογένειά της, τον εαυτό της. Στις πρώτες 150 σελίδες αναρωτιόμουν τι παραπάνω μπορεί να πει. Τελικά η Joyce Carol Oates μου έδωσε περισσότερα απ' ότι περίμενα να δώσει.
November 20, 2018
I am now knee-deep in my twenties and find myself facing a recurring fear: the knowledge that, one day, I will lose my parents. At times it is almost crippling: the anxiety. Perhaps my parents’ deaths will not occur for another half-century, who knows . . . And I suspect it is a common fear.
In Missing Mom Joyce Carol Oates writes about grieving the loss of one’s parent(s) with her typical skill, insuring the experience is totally memorable and unlike anything the reader has experienced before.
What some readers seem to complain about, when reviewing this novel, is the main character, Nikki — a 31-year old single woman who still, by and large, does not quite have her life together. She makes mistakes and is not always pleasant to read about; that’s what I appreciate. She feels real. Having dealt with deaths of various loved ones in the past (albeit not a parent), I feel Oates nailed the grieving process — a fact that does not surprise me, given that this work was written in the year after the author’s own mother’s death. Because of that, one can feel Oates’s kinetic emotional energy radiating off the pages. This is a tear-jerker.
Shockingly gripping and real and expansive and daring, Missing Mom is everything I want in literary fiction. Recommended!
In Missing Mom Joyce Carol Oates writes about grieving the loss of one’s parent(s) with her typical skill, insuring the experience is totally memorable and unlike anything the reader has experienced before.
What some readers seem to complain about, when reviewing this novel, is the main character, Nikki — a 31-year old single woman who still, by and large, does not quite have her life together. She makes mistakes and is not always pleasant to read about; that’s what I appreciate. She feels real. Having dealt with deaths of various loved ones in the past (albeit not a parent), I feel Oates nailed the grieving process — a fact that does not surprise me, given that this work was written in the year after the author’s own mother’s death. Because of that, one can feel Oates’s kinetic emotional energy radiating off the pages. This is a tear-jerker.
Shockingly gripping and real and expansive and daring, Missing Mom is everything I want in literary fiction. Recommended!
March 21, 2025
Sometimes it is good to read realistic stories with flawed characters where people are complicated.
This is one of those stories by one of those amazing authors.
There is a mystery crime – family secrets and neighbors.
There will be a myriad of emotions including regret – remorse – guilt – confusion – loss and grief.
But the author carries it in a sensitive way because she is incredibly observant of people, their emotions and thoughts.
Her writing is lucid and she is a masterful storyteller.
This is one of those stories by one of those amazing authors.
There is a mystery crime – family secrets and neighbors.
There will be a myriad of emotions including regret – remorse – guilt – confusion – loss and grief.
But the author carries it in a sensitive way because she is incredibly observant of people, their emotions and thoughts.
Her writing is lucid and she is a masterful storyteller.
July 19, 2024
Review of Missing Mom - Joyce Carol Oates
This book is told from the viewpoint of a mid-thirties young woman named Nichole Eaton. Nikki, as her family and friends know her as, is a rather selfish young woman. Radical in her appearance and her actions, for instance having an affair with a married man. Her family, of course, frowns upon this behavior but Nikki continues on with her bizarre lifestyle as a feature journalist with the Beacon newspaper. She is the black sheep of the conservative family.
Things are rocking along. Nikki’s father has died a few years before the book takes place so we only hear of him through others. Shortly after a Mother’s Day lunch prepared by Nikki’s mother, Gwen, the much loved and respected albeit long suffering widow, tragedy strikes and Gwen is ripped from existence.
The book chronicles the year following this loss and the effect it has on not only Nikki, but family and friends surrounding her. She learns that life as she viewed it, is not the life that was actually reality.
I really liked this book and gave it 5*. Highly recommended even if you didn’t like “We Were The Mulvaney’s” which I also liked but hated most of the characters.
This book is told from the viewpoint of a mid-thirties young woman named Nichole Eaton. Nikki, as her family and friends know her as, is a rather selfish young woman. Radical in her appearance and her actions, for instance having an affair with a married man. Her family, of course, frowns upon this behavior but Nikki continues on with her bizarre lifestyle as a feature journalist with the Beacon newspaper. She is the black sheep of the conservative family.
Things are rocking along. Nikki’s father has died a few years before the book takes place so we only hear of him through others. Shortly after a Mother’s Day lunch prepared by Nikki’s mother, Gwen, the much loved and respected albeit long suffering widow, tragedy strikes and Gwen is ripped from existence.
The book chronicles the year following this loss and the effect it has on not only Nikki, but family and friends surrounding her. She learns that life as she viewed it, is not the life that was actually reality.
I really liked this book and gave it 5*. Highly recommended even if you didn’t like “We Were The Mulvaney’s” which I also liked but hated most of the characters.
May 30, 2012
I picked up MISSING MOM a few months after my own mother passed away, and put it down. Her death was too fresh for me to read Joyce Carol Oates tribute to her own mother. Looking at the different reviews of the novel, many readers say that this is a departure for Oates. I have no clue, since I’ve never read her before; but I was still intrigued by MISSING MOM and finally read it.
Nikki Eaton is a reporter for the Beacon. She is hip. She wears her multi- colored hair short as her skirts are. She is the black sheep of the family. She isn’t married and is having a lurid affair with a married man. She is 31 years old; young enough to find her mother, Gwen, old fashioned and tends to ignore her. ”"I didn't visit home often. I tried not to feel guilty: Mom tried not to make me feel guilty. But a kind of constriction came over me when I returned, an invisible clamp across my chest...When will you get married, Nikki? When will you have children...Without family, what is there?"
Nikki soon learns. Her mother is murdered. Nikki is determined to find out who killed her mother and brought so much hurt upon her and her sister, Clare. She grows both in character and in her love for Gwen. ”Mom had been strong; Mom had not been weak and self pitying. But I was made to realize now that grief would come in waves and there would be wave after wave, there was not one big wave to be overcome and endured." Gwen “Feather” Easton is rediscovered by this black sheep through these waves of grief and police investigation. She is much more than Nikki ever thought, and is amazed as she learns about her grandmother and father’s death. She finally understands Gwen’s need for perfection, albeit an outside appearance one.
Oates is brilliant. Who could write such a poignant coming of age story through a literary mystery? I hazard to guess, not too many authors. Though we readers grieve with the two Eaton sisters, we celebrate the life of their sweet mother as we follow the police investigation and eventual trial. Her descriptions of grief and its processes are on the money and would be very difficult for anyone who just lost her/his own mom. But when you can, I highly recommend this wonderful literary novel.
Nikki Eaton is a reporter for the Beacon. She is hip. She wears her multi- colored hair short as her skirts are. She is the black sheep of the family. She isn’t married and is having a lurid affair with a married man. She is 31 years old; young enough to find her mother, Gwen, old fashioned and tends to ignore her. ”"I didn't visit home often. I tried not to feel guilty: Mom tried not to make me feel guilty. But a kind of constriction came over me when I returned, an invisible clamp across my chest...When will you get married, Nikki? When will you have children...Without family, what is there?"
Nikki soon learns. Her mother is murdered. Nikki is determined to find out who killed her mother and brought so much hurt upon her and her sister, Clare. She grows both in character and in her love for Gwen. ”Mom had been strong; Mom had not been weak and self pitying. But I was made to realize now that grief would come in waves and there would be wave after wave, there was not one big wave to be overcome and endured." Gwen “Feather” Easton is rediscovered by this black sheep through these waves of grief and police investigation. She is much more than Nikki ever thought, and is amazed as she learns about her grandmother and father’s death. She finally understands Gwen’s need for perfection, albeit an outside appearance one.
Oates is brilliant. Who could write such a poignant coming of age story through a literary mystery? I hazard to guess, not too many authors. Though we readers grieve with the two Eaton sisters, we celebrate the life of their sweet mother as we follow the police investigation and eventual trial. Her descriptions of grief and its processes are on the money and would be very difficult for anyone who just lost her/his own mom. But when you can, I highly recommend this wonderful literary novel.
January 24, 2008
Gosh i just could NOT get into this one! I gave it a solid try, too. There was something really off about the main character's descriptions of herself. Forced, rather second rate. Bummer!
April 9, 2008
Missing Mom was a very emotional book - in a good way. The main character Nikki is a thirty-something, independent woman who thinks she really has no need for her mom, and her mom's attempts to stay in touch and stay connected are just a hassle. But when she loses her mother in an unexpected and horrible way, she realizes just how important her mother really was. This book chronicles the first year after her mother's death, and how she (and her other family members) cope with tragedy. It takes on some really emotional and difficult topics, without portraying them in a way that makes it too hard to read.
July 24, 2010
Joyce Carol oates has been one of my favorite authors. Missing , Mom just makes me love her even more.Interesting story that studies the psychological impact of losing one's mother. Its the truth... that no matter how independent and grown up we become , one's mother remains a strong presence in our lives.
August 15, 2021
I found the story to be fascinating. Made me realize again why I love family dramas. The main character was an interesting person to follow. A messy life and not the best relationship with her mom. And to everyone shock and horror is found brutally dead (the mom). The aftermath of it all and the heroine's realiseing that there was much more to her mom then she knew. Very intresting and fast moving plot
July 23, 2013
‘It was the fate of mothers, to remember. What nobody’s else would know or care about. That, when they are gone, goes with them.’ (p. 397)
If you follow me, you’ve probably heard me mention Joyce Carol Oates a couple of times or more. She is one of my favorite authors. I’m not only impressed with her abilities as a writer, her way of using language, punctuation, italics as emphasis and much more but also her productivity and her constant high writing standard. I’ve never read a bad book by her. She writes books that are not quite as good as her best ones (We were the Mulvaneys, Blonde) but they are still in a completely different league than a lot og book by other authors.
That said, this is not one of her best. Mother, Missing is the story of Nikki Eaton and her sister who tragically loose their mother and how they deal with this loss in very different ways.
Nikki and her sister Claire are both in their 30s, living their own lives. Claire lives with her husband and children in the same city as the sisters grew up in while Nikki has moved away and is living the independent (and selfish) life as a reporter. She is the ‘black sheep’, dating an older man, coloring her hair purple, wearing tight skimpy clothes.
After a Mother’s Day dinner at their mother’s home, a couple of days go by without the sisters being able to get in touch with their mother. Finally, Nikki drives back home to check on her and finds her killed in the garage.
What happens then is a mix between the sisters dealing with the aftermath of their mother’s sudden and unexpected death as well as flashbacks to times before.
The few pages of Nikki walking through the house looking for her mother, are masterfully written. The suspense builds and builds and builds. Even though you know Nikki will find her mother dead, you are just sitting on the edge of your seat, reading as fast as you can to find out what has happened. I find it so impressive when an author can grasp you like this even though you know what’s in store.
Unfortunately, the rest of the book is not quite as good. It is still a great book and I like the flawed character Nikki as the main narrator. She makes bad choices – and sometimes she even knows it herself. She’s struggling and she’s hurting – and she’s trying. I like how the novel shows how the death of a parent makes you question your life, your priorities, your values, just about everything. And also how parents often don’t seem like real people, real human beings, to their children. And sometimes, it’s only after they are dead and gone, you realize that they were so much more than just your parent and how they led a whole life before you yourself became a part of their life and history and created a new, shared, history.
It’s also very much a book about sibling relations. How one moment you wonder whether you have anything in common with your sibling(s) and if you will ever speak again when your parents have died – and the next moment you nudge each other and share a private joke and remember all the history you and your sibling(s) have together. And how when your parents die, your sibling(s) are the only ones who share your history. Both the sisters in this book make changes after their mother’s sudden death, some just for a while, some to stay.
Joyce Carol Oates nails these family relations so perfectly. If you have parents and/or siblings, you will have experienced some of these situations and emotions, the characters show in this novel.
But still, despite Oates’ wonderful eye for these important relationships and her great writing, this is not one of her best novels. It’s still a good book and I think it’s worth reading. However, if you are only going to read a few of Oates novels, this doesn’t have to be one of them.
I don’t want to end this review on a negative note because I really liked reading it but I hold it up against Oates’ own standard which is so very high and that’s the reason why it only receives three stars. I’ll let Oates’ end this review with her own words, a quote from the book. Maybe this will do the book more justice.
Last time you see someone and you don’t know it will be the last time. And all that you know now, if only you’d known then. But you didn’t know, and now it’s too late. And you tell yourself How could I have known, I could not have known. You tell yourself.’ (p. 3)
If you follow me, you’ve probably heard me mention Joyce Carol Oates a couple of times or more. She is one of my favorite authors. I’m not only impressed with her abilities as a writer, her way of using language, punctuation, italics as emphasis and much more but also her productivity and her constant high writing standard. I’ve never read a bad book by her. She writes books that are not quite as good as her best ones (We were the Mulvaneys, Blonde) but they are still in a completely different league than a lot og book by other authors.
That said, this is not one of her best. Mother, Missing is the story of Nikki Eaton and her sister who tragically loose their mother and how they deal with this loss in very different ways.
Nikki and her sister Claire are both in their 30s, living their own lives. Claire lives with her husband and children in the same city as the sisters grew up in while Nikki has moved away and is living the independent (and selfish) life as a reporter. She is the ‘black sheep’, dating an older man, coloring her hair purple, wearing tight skimpy clothes.
After a Mother’s Day dinner at their mother’s home, a couple of days go by without the sisters being able to get in touch with their mother. Finally, Nikki drives back home to check on her and finds her killed in the garage.
What happens then is a mix between the sisters dealing with the aftermath of their mother’s sudden and unexpected death as well as flashbacks to times before.
The few pages of Nikki walking through the house looking for her mother, are masterfully written. The suspense builds and builds and builds. Even though you know Nikki will find her mother dead, you are just sitting on the edge of your seat, reading as fast as you can to find out what has happened. I find it so impressive when an author can grasp you like this even though you know what’s in store.
Unfortunately, the rest of the book is not quite as good. It is still a great book and I like the flawed character Nikki as the main narrator. She makes bad choices – and sometimes she even knows it herself. She’s struggling and she’s hurting – and she’s trying. I like how the novel shows how the death of a parent makes you question your life, your priorities, your values, just about everything. And also how parents often don’t seem like real people, real human beings, to their children. And sometimes, it’s only after they are dead and gone, you realize that they were so much more than just your parent and how they led a whole life before you yourself became a part of their life and history and created a new, shared, history.
It’s also very much a book about sibling relations. How one moment you wonder whether you have anything in common with your sibling(s) and if you will ever speak again when your parents have died – and the next moment you nudge each other and share a private joke and remember all the history you and your sibling(s) have together. And how when your parents die, your sibling(s) are the only ones who share your history. Both the sisters in this book make changes after their mother’s sudden death, some just for a while, some to stay.
Joyce Carol Oates nails these family relations so perfectly. If you have parents and/or siblings, you will have experienced some of these situations and emotions, the characters show in this novel.
But still, despite Oates’ wonderful eye for these important relationships and her great writing, this is not one of her best novels. It’s still a good book and I think it’s worth reading. However, if you are only going to read a few of Oates novels, this doesn’t have to be one of them.
I don’t want to end this review on a negative note because I really liked reading it but I hold it up against Oates’ own standard which is so very high and that’s the reason why it only receives three stars. I’ll let Oates’ end this review with her own words, a quote from the book. Maybe this will do the book more justice.
Last time you see someone and you don’t know it will be the last time. And all that you know now, if only you’d known then. But you didn’t know, and now it’s too late. And you tell yourself How could I have known, I could not have known. You tell yourself.’ (p. 3)
June 8, 2016
I lost my mom in 2009. She and I were mostly at odds for many years. Somewhere in my 40s we began to reconcile. She stopped being so critical of me and I began to see her good points. Near the end of her life she needed 24 hour care and wished to remain at home. I honored that wish, left my job, husband, and home, and so spent the last three months of her life by her side. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. ( My wonderful husband was supportive of my choice.)
So I related to Missing Mom in a big way. Two sisters must deal with their widowed mother's gruesome death. They have never gotten along but it is the rebellious, free-spirited daughter who comes to stay at the family home, sort through the relics of the past, and deal with her loss.
In the process, she learns that her apparently sainted mother had a secret and tragic past. The woman who she knew as mom was practically a created personality who bore little resemblance to the child and teenager she had been before marriage. Learning the truth about both their parents' lives, the sisters change and find their own true selves.
I found this book somehow lighter than most of the novels I have read by JCO. Of course, lighter for her is still dark compared to many other authors, but there is a tenderness she does not usually show. I wondered about her relationship with her own parents.
It was easy to read, it made me laugh and cry, and I recommend it for female readers who have lost their mom, especially moms with whom they have had their troubles.
So I related to Missing Mom in a big way. Two sisters must deal with their widowed mother's gruesome death. They have never gotten along but it is the rebellious, free-spirited daughter who comes to stay at the family home, sort through the relics of the past, and deal with her loss.
In the process, she learns that her apparently sainted mother had a secret and tragic past. The woman who she knew as mom was practically a created personality who bore little resemblance to the child and teenager she had been before marriage. Learning the truth about both their parents' lives, the sisters change and find their own true selves.
I found this book somehow lighter than most of the novels I have read by JCO. Of course, lighter for her is still dark compared to many other authors, but there is a tenderness she does not usually show. I wondered about her relationship with her own parents.
It was easy to read, it made me laugh and cry, and I recommend it for female readers who have lost their mom, especially moms with whom they have had their troubles.
March 31, 2019
This book took a long time to read--four months. There were times I had to put it down because it was just too real; given that Oates wrote it in the year after her mother's death, that reality is no surprise. Oates powerfully captures the clash of the numbing haze of grief with the frantic need to recapture what was lost.
April 16, 2018
-Muchos creen que son de mejor familia que su familia o que nunca cometerán los errores de sus padres.-
Género. Novela.
Lo que nos cuenta. En el libro Mamá (publicación original: Missing Mom, 2005) conocemos a Nikki Eaton, una mujer que ha entrado en la treintena sin darse cuenta, con una vida estructurada sin ser completa (sin que tampoco se dé cuenta de eso) y una relación compleja pero convencional con su familia, en especial con su madre, Gwen Eaton. El asesinato de su madre cambiará muchas cosas en su vida, como la visión que tenía de su madre según va descubriendo pequeñas cosas sobre ella que desconocía.
¿Quiere saber más de este libro, sin spoilers? Visite:
http://librosdeolethros.blogspot.com/...
Género. Novela.
Lo que nos cuenta. En el libro Mamá (publicación original: Missing Mom, 2005) conocemos a Nikki Eaton, una mujer que ha entrado en la treintena sin darse cuenta, con una vida estructurada sin ser completa (sin que tampoco se dé cuenta de eso) y una relación compleja pero convencional con su familia, en especial con su madre, Gwen Eaton. El asesinato de su madre cambiará muchas cosas en su vida, como la visión que tenía de su madre según va descubriendo pequeñas cosas sobre ella que desconocía.
¿Quiere saber más de este libro, sin spoilers? Visite:
http://librosdeolethros.blogspot.com/...
December 14, 2010
Ancora una volta la Oates ha saputo darmi ore di lettura che chiamare piacevoli é un eufemismo.
La storia, i personaggi, la loro psicologia sono lavorati al cesello. Una filigrana d'oro la cui lavorazione é perfetta.
La scrittura é asciutta, prosciugata direi, non una parola che puoi dire non sia necessaria.
Ed ecco che i protagonisti, i vivi come i morti, e le loro vite, le loro vicende sono con te nella stessa stanza, una presenza reale e tangibile e ne condividi i pensieri i sentimenti le emozioni.
Perché la Oates questo sa fare: riprodurre con magistrale maestria l'umano sentire, percepire, essere. E noi lettori non possiamo fare altre che specchiarvicisi.
Magnifico.
Da leggere.
La storia, i personaggi, la loro psicologia sono lavorati al cesello. Una filigrana d'oro la cui lavorazione é perfetta.
La scrittura é asciutta, prosciugata direi, non una parola che puoi dire non sia necessaria.
Ed ecco che i protagonisti, i vivi come i morti, e le loro vite, le loro vicende sono con te nella stessa stanza, una presenza reale e tangibile e ne condividi i pensieri i sentimenti le emozioni.
Perché la Oates questo sa fare: riprodurre con magistrale maestria l'umano sentire, percepire, essere. E noi lettori non possiamo fare altre che specchiarvicisi.
Magnifico.
Da leggere.
May 23, 2012
The only other book I've read by Joyce Carol Oates was the depressing tome We Were the Mulvaneys. I thought this was going to follow in the same genre but it did improve on reading.
The story deals with the unexpected violent death (two days after Mother's Day) of middle aged mom, Gwen Eaton, as seen through the eyes of her immature, selfish 31 year old youngest daughter Nikki, an independent journalist who freelances with a local paper.
I found Nikki's ruminations to be grating and boring at times but then realized with the passage of time, Nikki's character was growing and maturing.
The saddest lines in the book are
Last time you see someone and you don't
know it will be the last time. And all that
you know now, if only you'd known then.
But you didn't know, and now it's too late.
And you tell yourself How could I have
known, I could not have known.
Nikki and her older sister, Claire, struggle with the loss of their mom in their lives, each dealing with the grief in their own way. Each seems to go off the deep end at some point. It seems that losing your mom this way would send anyone off the deep end. Nikki is involved is a relationship with an older married man, Wally Szallas, which her mother vehemently disapproved. She moves into her mom's deserted house with her mom's cat and carefully goes through every item and relives memories of her mom. She begins walking in her mom's shoes. She begins to see her mom as a person.
Nikki also discovers that the loss of her mother affects all the people her mom interacted with weekly. Nikki resents sharing her grief with them. She spurns all solicitations for help or advice, from her sister to her mom's best friend to relatives to the case detective and other minor acquaintances. But she seems to learn a little from each person gradually. Her blunt embarrassing cousin Lucille seems to set her on the correct path in her own straightforward way.
Although I wasn't initially thrilled with the book, I was pleased with the ending and the growth of the characters.
The story deals with the unexpected violent death (two days after Mother's Day) of middle aged mom, Gwen Eaton, as seen through the eyes of her immature, selfish 31 year old youngest daughter Nikki, an independent journalist who freelances with a local paper.
I found Nikki's ruminations to be grating and boring at times but then realized with the passage of time, Nikki's character was growing and maturing.
The saddest lines in the book are
Last time you see someone and you don't
know it will be the last time. And all that
you know now, if only you'd known then.
But you didn't know, and now it's too late.
And you tell yourself How could I have
known, I could not have known.
Nikki and her older sister, Claire, struggle with the loss of their mom in their lives, each dealing with the grief in their own way. Each seems to go off the deep end at some point. It seems that losing your mom this way would send anyone off the deep end. Nikki is involved is a relationship with an older married man, Wally Szallas, which her mother vehemently disapproved. She moves into her mom's deserted house with her mom's cat and carefully goes through every item and relives memories of her mom. She begins walking in her mom's shoes. She begins to see her mom as a person.
Nikki also discovers that the loss of her mother affects all the people her mom interacted with weekly. Nikki resents sharing her grief with them. She spurns all solicitations for help or advice, from her sister to her mom's best friend to relatives to the case detective and other minor acquaintances. But she seems to learn a little from each person gradually. Her blunt embarrassing cousin Lucille seems to set her on the correct path in her own straightforward way.
Although I wasn't initially thrilled with the book, I was pleased with the ending and the growth of the characters.
March 15, 2013
Joyce Carol Oates is a highly regarded writer -- and I DID love Blonde, an imagined account of being inside Marilyn Monroe's head.
But I can't imagine how this novel merited a Notable Book of the Year endorsement from the NYT Book Review. Well, unless they considered it notable for having been published at all in spite of being so sloppily written.
It reads like an early draft that Oates whipped off, ran spell-check on, then shipped out without running it through even a cursory edit.
Its full of descriptive phrases that are reused a billion times (every female character is, at some point, described as having "moistly glittering eyes"); there is an "excessive" number of "pointlessly" "annoying" quotation "marks" peppered throughout; and it contains some incredibly hackneyed writing ("Grief is like one of those roller towels in public lavatories. Shared with too many people, its get soiled and worn-out" and "... I ran for my life; i mean, my car" [and she used that one TWICE!]).
I'm annoyed at myself for sticking with this piece of crap for its entire 400+ pages, thinking there might be some kind of redeeming payoff at the end. Sadly, it was 110% lame from start to finish.
I guess that's what I get for sampling from the remainder bin.
But I can't imagine how this novel merited a Notable Book of the Year endorsement from the NYT Book Review. Well, unless they considered it notable for having been published at all in spite of being so sloppily written.
It reads like an early draft that Oates whipped off, ran spell-check on, then shipped out without running it through even a cursory edit.
Its full of descriptive phrases that are reused a billion times (every female character is, at some point, described as having "moistly glittering eyes"); there is an "excessive" number of "pointlessly" "annoying" quotation "marks" peppered throughout; and it contains some incredibly hackneyed writing ("Grief is like one of those roller towels in public lavatories. Shared with too many people, its get soiled and worn-out" and "... I ran for my life; i mean, my car" [and she used that one TWICE!]).
I'm annoyed at myself for sticking with this piece of crap for its entire 400+ pages, thinking there might be some kind of redeeming payoff at the end. Sadly, it was 110% lame from start to finish.
I guess that's what I get for sampling from the remainder bin.
January 18, 2010
This was a really interesting perspective. This book was recommended to me, and I read through it quickly. I felt it really pulled you in and made you kind of feel as though you were living the experience through the characters. As a young person who has lost a parent, I could identify with what the author was trying to put forth, but also embraced that the grieving process is very different for each person. This was apparently in the book by the various people in the book who recounted their own personal experience with the departed one. It was my first Joyce Carol Oates book, and it was a little too warm fuzzy for me, but it did make me think. I suppose the most lasting impression it left on me was that I want to appreciate those I love and take care of them while I have the chance, and to try to remember not to lose yourself in your own head and life. As the main character shows, I think if you do this, you rob the people who love you the chance to take care of you, be a part of your life, and ultimately, for you to take care of them.
April 27, 2009
I read this book right after my mom died and while it was hard to read about someone else having that happen so soon after I did, it put things into perspective for me. She could have died in a way like the mother in this book did and I was lucky that never happened. Also, it reminds me of a joke my uncle made when he saw it.
(He looks at the title)
"Sarah, your mom is not missing. We know where she is."
And that was the first time I laughed since she died:)
(He looks at the title)
"Sarah, your mom is not missing. We know where she is."
And that was the first time I laughed since she died:)
March 30, 2013
This book describes the life of a typical American family and how they learn to mourn their loving parents.
Even if the theme seems quite depressive since the author managed to describe in a realistic way and with some sense of humor what people normally do after a sudden death of one of their parents.
It seems that this book reveals the author's own experience after the recent loss of her mother.
Even if the theme seems quite depressive since the author managed to describe in a realistic way and with some sense of humor what people normally do after a sudden death of one of their parents.
It seems that this book reveals the author's own experience after the recent loss of her mother.
July 12, 2009
I absolutely loved the main character in this book, and the dialogue between the middle-aged ladies in the story was so realistic I almost threw a fit. This was an amazing book, which is not surprising considering the author.
March 11, 2020
Very well written. I love this author now. Some parts sad some parts laugh out loud funny. Really puts ideas together well. I’m on to another of hers....
June 13, 2015
No, no e ancora no.
Ma è davvero la stessa autrice di "Sorella mio unico amore" o "Una famiglia americana"?! Sembra proprio di no, il libro è così.. così artefatto, così poco sincero e 'vero' che mi sembra tutto uno scherzo.. Non è la Oates che ho imparato ad amare nonostante il male fisico che mi procurava con ogni sua storia, né l'abile tessitrice di storie intricate, ingarbugliate e dalle mille sfaccettature: questo libro è fuffa!
E giuro, sono amareggiatissima perché per me la Oates è una dea e ho comprato ad occhi chiusi tantissimi suoi libri che mi aspettano, ma qui mi ha davvero pugnalato alle spalle :(
L'anno scorso ho iniziato il libro ma dopo nemmeno 40 pagine ho dovuto abbandonarlo perché l'incipit che la Oates ha scelto (Questa è la storia di come ho vissuto la morte di mia madre. Un giorno, in un modo tutto tuo, sarà anche la tua storia) mi ha messo così tanta ansia e magone che non sono riuscita ad affrontare serenamente il libro; sì lo so, infantile da morire, ma è una cosa più forte di me ;_;
Ho deciso di riprovarci con la consapevolezza che avrei comunque avuto una facile via di fuga se fosse diventato troppo opprimente.. La realtà si è dimostrata tutto il contrario: non c'è niente in questo libro e non è riuscito - nel bene e nel male - a trasmettermi nulla.
Mi aspettavo che tra Nikki, narratrice e figli ribelle, e Gwen ci fossero molti conflitti irrisolti, tanto dolore e tanta incomprensione, il tutto reso ancora più drammatico dall'improvvisa e soprattutto inaspettata morte(la donna è stata infatti brutalmente assassinata da un tossicodipendente): ebbene, niente di tutto ciò, perché Gwen era una specie di Buddha vivente, sempre buona, sempre col sorriso, sempre pronta a perdonare e lanciare cuori random all'umanità.
Il "dopo" che Nikki ci racconta è un insieme di elementi a casaccio che non hanno sinceramente senso, come il fatto che amici, familiari, conoscenti e anche spasimanti tendano ad evitare Nikki e la sorella dopo il fatto, nemmeno l'avessero ammazzata loro o fosse una cosa di cui vergognarsi; addirittura la nipote di Nikki non vuole ritrovarsi in compagnia della zia perché ha deciso di tornare alla casa dei genitori anche dopo "il fatto". Ma qual è il problema? Boh, chi l'ha capito..
La morte di Gwen è un flebile espediente della Oates di parlare di tutt'altro e costruire una storia mediocre e francamente evitabile: non c'è pathos, non c'è.. Non c'è proprio nulla :(
L'idea che proprio la Oates avesse scelto un tema delicato e doloroso come la morte della madre mi faceva tremare al solo pensiero di quanto tagliente sarebbe stata la storia, di quelle che ti lasciano l'ansia esistenziale a vita (io dopo "Sorella mio unico amore" sono stata malissimo per giorni, giuro!).. Insomma, - pensavo - un conto è che una storia simile la narri lo scrittore Tal De' Tali e un conto la Oates.. E invece no, perché secondo me la Oates in quel periodo era al mare e ha lasciato che fosse qualcun altro a scrivere la storia, altrimenti non me lo spiego proprio!
Un altro fatto che certo non ha allietato la lettura - ma qui mi rendo conto essere un mio unico problema - è che il libro ha un odore strano/osceno/asfissiante. L'ho preso usato al libraccio per 5.90 euro (invece che i suoi -GLOM- 19), nuovissimo, ma cavoli ha quell'odore fortissimo di carta e vecchio.. MEH.
Ma è davvero la stessa autrice di "Sorella mio unico amore" o "Una famiglia americana"?! Sembra proprio di no, il libro è così.. così artefatto, così poco sincero e 'vero' che mi sembra tutto uno scherzo.. Non è la Oates che ho imparato ad amare nonostante il male fisico che mi procurava con ogni sua storia, né l'abile tessitrice di storie intricate, ingarbugliate e dalle mille sfaccettature: questo libro è fuffa!
E giuro, sono amareggiatissima perché per me la Oates è una dea e ho comprato ad occhi chiusi tantissimi suoi libri che mi aspettano, ma qui mi ha davvero pugnalato alle spalle :(
L'anno scorso ho iniziato il libro ma dopo nemmeno 40 pagine ho dovuto abbandonarlo perché l'incipit che la Oates ha scelto (Questa è la storia di come ho vissuto la morte di mia madre. Un giorno, in un modo tutto tuo, sarà anche la tua storia) mi ha messo così tanta ansia e magone che non sono riuscita ad affrontare serenamente il libro; sì lo so, infantile da morire, ma è una cosa più forte di me ;_;
Ho deciso di riprovarci con la consapevolezza che avrei comunque avuto una facile via di fuga se fosse diventato troppo opprimente.. La realtà si è dimostrata tutto il contrario: non c'è niente in questo libro e non è riuscito - nel bene e nel male - a trasmettermi nulla.
Mi aspettavo che tra Nikki, narratrice e figli ribelle, e Gwen ci fossero molti conflitti irrisolti, tanto dolore e tanta incomprensione, il tutto reso ancora più drammatico dall'improvvisa e soprattutto inaspettata morte(la donna è stata infatti brutalmente assassinata da un tossicodipendente): ebbene, niente di tutto ciò, perché Gwen era una specie di Buddha vivente, sempre buona, sempre col sorriso, sempre pronta a perdonare e lanciare cuori random all'umanità.
Il "dopo" che Nikki ci racconta è un insieme di elementi a casaccio che non hanno sinceramente senso, come il fatto che amici, familiari, conoscenti e anche spasimanti tendano ad evitare Nikki e la sorella dopo il fatto, nemmeno l'avessero ammazzata loro o fosse una cosa di cui vergognarsi; addirittura la nipote di Nikki non vuole ritrovarsi in compagnia della zia perché ha deciso di tornare alla casa dei genitori anche dopo "il fatto". Ma qual è il problema? Boh, chi l'ha capito..
La morte di Gwen è un flebile espediente della Oates di parlare di tutt'altro e costruire una storia mediocre e francamente evitabile: non c'è pathos, non c'è.. Non c'è proprio nulla :(
L'idea che proprio la Oates avesse scelto un tema delicato e doloroso come la morte della madre mi faceva tremare al solo pensiero di quanto tagliente sarebbe stata la storia, di quelle che ti lasciano l'ansia esistenziale a vita (io dopo "Sorella mio unico amore" sono stata malissimo per giorni, giuro!).. Insomma, - pensavo - un conto è che una storia simile la narri lo scrittore Tal De' Tali e un conto la Oates.. E invece no, perché secondo me la Oates in quel periodo era al mare e ha lasciato che fosse qualcun altro a scrivere la storia, altrimenti non me lo spiego proprio!
Un altro fatto che certo non ha allietato la lettura - ma qui mi rendo conto essere un mio unico problema - è che il libro ha un odore strano/osceno/asfissiante. L'ho preso usato al libraccio per 5.90 euro (invece che i suoi -GLOM- 19), nuovissimo, ma cavoli ha quell'odore fortissimo di carta e vecchio.. MEH.
May 7, 2012
This book reminded me so much of We Were the Mulvaneys. I really liked this book. I loved the character Nikki. Despite some of the reviews which suggest she lacked depth, or was too flawed, I found a unique relation to her. I think she represents a certain selfishness inside of us all. We tend to forget our parents had lives before we existed. They had hopes and dreams and secrets that we were not a part of. Our parents were individuals. I think there is a selfish tendency in us all to take for granted simple things such as conversations with loved ones, and time spent with relatives until they are gone and so many opportunities are missed. I think the reason I was able to connect with Nikki is that to me she represented that selfishness.
I think Gwen Eaton, Nikki's recently deceased mother, is one of Joyce Carol Oates' most memorable characters. But I think that for me Nikki will be equally memorable.
What I truly appreciate about Joyce Carol Oates is that she doesn't seem to have a target audience or a niche. I think one of the reasons she's one of my favorite authors is that there is something so relatable in all of her novels and stories. I can always identify with and relate to the emotions of her characters. I think that's the mark of a truly talented and beautiful writer.
I think Gwen Eaton, Nikki's recently deceased mother, is one of Joyce Carol Oates' most memorable characters. But I think that for me Nikki will be equally memorable.
What I truly appreciate about Joyce Carol Oates is that she doesn't seem to have a target audience or a niche. I think one of the reasons she's one of my favorite authors is that there is something so relatable in all of her novels and stories. I can always identify with and relate to the emotions of her characters. I think that's the mark of a truly talented and beautiful writer.
February 12, 2015
Love love love this book! I must admit, I picked this up for pure catharsis, having lost my mother recently, unexpectedly, tragically as well. I saw so much of myself, my experience, my affliction in Nikki Eaton, and so much of my own mother in Gwen. I've been absolutely stifled and unable to accept my mother's untimely death, but reading this novel has helped me begin to *think* about coping. Oates' alliteration to phantom limbs, ghosts, nervous expectations-- all of these are things that she made fresh for me, though they are so easily redundant and washed-up in their overuse by others. I was deeply moved by this book, and though, like I said, it was a purely cathartic read, there is no doubt that the literary voice employed here is what sets authors like her above the rest. Oates has taken the somewhat ordinary and made it extraordinary. My only complaint, though small, was her overuse of the term "vehement" and its subsequent forms. No further comment, other than it got to be an annoyance, although she backed away from it long enough that I got over it eventually and it failed to dull the importance of this most enlightening read.
Read
February 5, 2009"This is my story about missing my mother," Nikki says at the start of Missing Mom. "One day, in a way unique to you, it will be your story, too." Although many critics compared Missing Mom to Oates's classic, We Were the Mulvaneys, they agreed that the latter is the far superior work. Reviewers thought Nikki inconsistent and uneven; other characters came off as flat. Only the mother remained in their minds as a magnificent, realistic character__one of Oates's best to date, in fact, since Oates reveals the underestimated supermom as a woman with her own secrets and complexity. Others, however, criticized the plot as lacking originality and surprise. Though Missing Mom disappointed critics in light of their lofty expectations of this award-winning author, the good news is that there's probably another novel just around the corner.
This is an excerpt from a review published in Bookmarks magazine.
August 3, 2017
This is a really great read. The story begins with Nikki, a tough, modern, independent woman, going to her mother's house for Mothers Day. Gwen, her mum, is derided by Nikki's sister, Clare, a self-important know it all who is, frankly, a horrible person, as being too nice, too trusting. As proof, Gwen has invited lots of other misfits to 'their' lunch. At the end of the day, Nikki is glad to return to her own life a few towns over, and her married boyfriend whom she's waiting to marry. Everything changes when, within the week, Gwen is murdered in the garage and Nikki's and Clare's lives implode in the aftermath. This is no murder mystery- this is the story of Nikki's year of missing her mother, a year in which everything changes. It is beautifully written and is deeply insightful about how humans react to intense fear and grief, and how that differs greatly from how we like to think we could handle a crisis. Highly recommended.
February 24, 2014
Here’s to moms. Without moms, where’d we all be?” quips Nikki Eaton, toasting her mother Gwen on Mother’s Day. Two days later, Nikki is suddenly, though an act of inexplicable violence, without her mother. This novel tells the story of Nikki’s first year missing her Mom. It is a year of moving back into her mother’s house and wearing her mother’s clothes. It is also a year in which Nikki discovers some startling secrets of Gwen’s past. These revelations are difficult for Nikki to reconcile with the sparkly Gwen, her bread-baking, craft-making, church-going, loving mother, but at last Nikki can fully know the mother she must miss all her life.
March 28, 2022
3.5 stars. I read this book as a book club selection for the month.
I generally liked this book but it was far longer than it had need to be. 100 pages could have been taken out and it still would have been more or less the same story IMO.
It had the somewhat meandering, slow-unspooling quality of Anne Tylers books, but without the stellar character development.
By and large though I enjoyed it and am interested to try another book from this author.
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