A caring mother...
I told Mother I was going to spend the day exploring the coast and could I have a picnic?
‘Yes, dear,’ she said absently. ‘Tell Lugaretzia to organize something for you. But do be careful, dear, and don’t go into very deep water. Don’t catch a chill and… watch out for sharks.’
To Mother, every sea, no matter how shallow or benign, was an evil and tumultuous body of water, full of tidal waves, water spouts, typhoons, and whirlpools, inhabited entirely by giant octopus and squids and savage, sabre-toothed sharks, all of whom had the killing and eating of one or other of her progeny as their main objective in life.
In this, the third part of "The Corfu Trilogy" another collection of the strange people who gather around the Durrell family.
The Count...
He was tall and slender, with tightly curled hair as golden as a silkworm cocoon, shining with oil, a delicately curled mustache of a similar hue, and slightly protuberant eyes of a pale and unpleasant green. He alarmed Mother by arriving with a huge wardrobe trunk and she was convinced that he had come to stay for the summer. But we soon found that the Count found himself so attractive he felt it necessary to change his clothes about eight times a day to do justice to himself. His clothes were such elegant confections, beautifully hand-stitched and of such exquisite materials, that Margo was torn between envy at his wardrobe and disgust at his effeminacy.
Gerry needed lots of dead sparrows to feed his baby owls.
He has the help of older brother Leslie who shot many sparrows off the roof...
Meanwhile Mrs Durrell was entertaining a lady animal lover with afternoon tea on the other side of the house...
‘Damn,’ he said suddenly. ‘I’ve lost count. How many’s that?’
I said that I hadn’t been counting either.
‘Well, go and pick up the ones on the veranda and wait there. I’ll pick off another six. That should do you.’
Clasping my paper bag, I went around to the front of the house, and saw, to my consternation, that Mrs Vadrudakis, whom we had forgotten, had arrived for tea. She and Mother were sitting somewhat stiffly on the veranda clasping cups of tea, surrounded by the bloodstained corpses of numerous sparrows.
‘Yes,’ Mother was saying, obviously hoping that Mrs Vadrudakis had not noticed the rain of dead birds, ‘yes, we’re all great animal lovers.’
‘I hear this,’ said Mrs Vadrudakis, smiling benevolently. ‘I hear you lof the animals like me.’
‘Oh yes,’ said Mother. ‘We keep so many pets. Animals are a sort of passion with us, you know.’
She smiled nervously at Mrs Vadrudakis, and at that moment a dead sparrow fell into the strawberry jam.
It was impossible to cover it up and equally impossible to pretend it was not there. Mother stared at it as though hypnotized; at last, she moistened her lips and smiled at Mrs Vadrudakis, who was sitting with her cup poised, a look of horror on her face.
‘A sparrow,’ Mother pointed out weakly. ‘They… er… seem to be dying a lot this year.’
At that moment, Leslie, carrying the air rifle, strode out of the house.‘Have I killed enough?’ he inquired.
Many times young Gerry meet Spiro, the taxi driver, on his way home. Gerry would stand on the running board as Spiro inquired after his family's health...
One day, in a fit of devilry, I told him, in response to his earnest inquiry, that they were all dead; the car swerved off the drive and crashed straight into a large oleander bush, showering Spiro and myself with pink blossoms and nearly knocking me off the running board.
‘Gollys, Master Gerrys! You mustn’t say things like thats!’ he roared, pounding the wheel with his fist.
‘You makes me scarce when you say things likes that. You makes me sweats! Don’t you ever say that agains.’
Reminiscing about India...
‘My husband being a civil engineer, of course, he had to travel. I always used to go with him. If he had to build a bridge or a railway right out in the jungle, I’d go with him and we’d camp.’
‘That must have been fun,’ said Leslie enthusiastically, ‘a primitive life under canvas.’
‘Oh it was. I loved the simple life in camp. I remember the elephants used to go ahead with the marquees, the carpets and the furniture, and then the servants would follow in the ox-carts with the linen and silver…’
‘You call that camping?’ interrupted Leslie incredulously. ‘With marquees?’
‘We only had three,’ said Mother defensively. ‘A bedroom, dining-room and a drawing-room. And they were built with fitted carpets anyway.’
‘Camping!’ snorted Leslie derisively.
‘Well, it was camping dear. I remember once one of the elephants went astray and we had no clean sheets for three days. Your father was most annoyed.’
After the revolution...
When, I inquired, had they got rid of Metaxas? Nobody had told me.
‘Why, you remember, surely!’ cried Kralefsky. ‘You must remember – when we had the revolution and that cake shop was so badly damaged by the machine-gun bullets. Such unsafe things, I always think, machine-guns.’
To welcome a visit from the Greek King the boy scouts let off an explosion - of dynamite...
‘I was very interested in the reaction of the spectators,’ said Theodore, with scientific relish. ‘You know… er… the ones who were blown down.’
‘I should think they were damned annoyed,’ said Leslie.
‘No,’ went on Theodore proudly, ‘this is Corfu. They all… you know… helped each other up, brushed each other down, and remarked on how good the whole thing was… er… how realistic. It didn’t seem to occur to them that there was anything strange in Boy Scouts having dynamite.’
‘Well, if you live long enough in Corfu, you cease to be surprised at anything,’ said Mother with conviction.
Margo's sayings...
‘My God, they’ve amputated him,’ screamed Margo, who always lost both her head and her command over English in moments of crisis.
They have a sort of ordure about them.’
You’re namby-pamby,’ snorted Margo. ‘Take you for a little walk and you’re screaming for food and wine. You just want to live in the hub of luxury all the time.’
‘Serves him jolly well right,’ said Margo callously. ‘He shouldn’t have said I was boring. It’s an eye for an ear.’
‘And you might as well be hung for anox as anass,’ contributed Margo.
Enjoy!