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Raising Men: From Fathers to Sons: Life Lessons from Navy SEAL Training
After Eric Davis spent over 16 years in the military, including a decade in the SEAL Teams, his family was more than used to his absence on deployments and secret missions that could obscure his whereabouts for months at a time.
Without a father figure in his own life since the age of fifteen, Eric was desperate to maintain the bonds he'd fought so hard to forge when his children were young--particularly with his son, Jason, because he knew how difficult it was to face the challenge of becoming a man on one's own. Unfortunately, Eric learned the hard way that Quality Time doesn't always show up in Quantity Time.
Facebook, television, phones, video games, school, jobs, friends--they all got in the way of a real, meaningful father-son relationship. It was time to take action.
As a SEAL, Eric learned to innovate and push boundaries, allowing him to function at levels beyond what was expected, comfortable, ordinary, and even imaginable, and he knew that as a father he needed to do the same with his son. Meeting extreme with extreme was the only answer.
In Raising Men, Eric and his SEAL brothers will use a unique blend of discipline, leadership, adventure, and grace to teach you how to connect, and reconnect, with your sons and learn how to raise real men--the Navy SEAL way.
Without a father figure in his own life since the age of fifteen, Eric was desperate to maintain the bonds he'd fought so hard to forge when his children were young--particularly with his son, Jason, because he knew how difficult it was to face the challenge of becoming a man on one's own. Unfortunately, Eric learned the hard way that Quality Time doesn't always show up in Quantity Time.
Facebook, television, phones, video games, school, jobs, friends--they all got in the way of a real, meaningful father-son relationship. It was time to take action.
As a SEAL, Eric learned to innovate and push boundaries, allowing him to function at levels beyond what was expected, comfortable, ordinary, and even imaginable, and he knew that as a father he needed to do the same with his son. Meeting extreme with extreme was the only answer.
In Raising Men, Eric and his SEAL brothers will use a unique blend of discipline, leadership, adventure, and grace to teach you how to connect, and reconnect, with your sons and learn how to raise real men--the Navy SEAL way.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published May 3, 2016
605 people are currently reading
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 163 reviews
February 21, 2016
I'm clearly biased since I wrote the book, but it is my hope that anyone who reads it will benefit from the SEAL performance principles I used within it.
I wrote this for anyone looking to live a life beyond their current situation. Whether you're a father or not this book was designed to be of value and use.
I wrote this for anyone looking to live a life beyond their current situation. Whether you're a father or not this book was designed to be of value and use.
February 15, 2020
Cruised through this one on audiobook. I wanted to give it three stars. Contents of the book were good but the narrator made it sound like he was trying to be macho. Given that the narrator didn’t write the book and that I enjoyed the premise, I stuck with the four stars. There isn’t anything profound in this book but the way the author relates his training to parenthood is a neat perspective. Certainly some interesting points made. If you have kids, I’d encourage you to read if anything, to make you think about how your current parenting decisions are made.
September 28, 2019
There was some good advice in the book, but it's 80% about guy's experience in the SEAL Teams and only 20% about parenting. Listened as an audiobook, but rating as paper - audiobook would get 1 just because the guy reading it is unbearable (unless you are a seal or you were raised by Eric Davis himself and nothing is unbearable, just an inconvenience).
August 10, 2016
I wouldn't normally read a book on parenting, but it was being featured at the library, and sounded like an interesting premise. As Mr. Davis says in the beginning, he chose to target sons for the book, but all his advice also pertains to how he raises his daughters. That being said, I would go further and say this book is an excellent resource for how we raise ourselves. An adult will get plenty out of this about being a good, decent, effective human.
I generally like most of the material put out there by the special forces community. It's a great improvement over the previous generation, which seemed to be long on bluster and short on anything else. What differentiates this book is that it's quite specific in detail, and has a solid mix of theory and practice. There are plenty of stories about SEAL life, but it's primarily an operations manual of sorts. Mr. Davis does a great job. I'll be buying his next book in hardcover, whatever the topic.
I generally like most of the material put out there by the special forces community. It's a great improvement over the previous generation, which seemed to be long on bluster and short on anything else. What differentiates this book is that it's quite specific in detail, and has a solid mix of theory and practice. There are plenty of stories about SEAL life, but it's primarily an operations manual of sorts. Mr. Davis does a great job. I'll be buying his next book in hardcover, whatever the topic.
March 7, 2022
First - is this book about parenting boys or being a Navy Seal? Confused...so many times. Second - humble is NOT a word in this author's vocabulary. I completely understand that becoming a Navy Seal and serving as one is one of the most admirable levels of achievement that there is. However, the author spoke as if he was the most supreme of them all. I just had a very hard time getting past his attitude. So many lines I disagreed with, but one stuck out the most .... "Train your kid like a dog".
November 17, 2016
LOVED this book! I will highly recommend this book to any person living, haha. Geared specifically towards fathers of boys, it's still such a good book for parents to read, and for people who live in the world to read. Filled with all kinds of good advice and suggestions on being a confident, contributing member of society, as you raise your children from birth to adulthood, and as you walk the paths of life alongside your children as they grow older. Don't have children? Still a great read as it encourages taking risks, knowing boundaries, and setting goals.
February 10, 2018
Eric Davis directs his book toward fathers raising sons, but it really is about parenthood and he says that he uses the same principles in raising his three daughters as he does with his son. As a mom, I benefited greatly from the book and look forward to my husband reading this so that we can talk about what we learned from it.
He does a great job of mixing in stories of his SEAL Training with stories related to fatherhood. The lessons are great and it was definitely a good kick in the pants for me. Two points that were most helpful for me:
Lead from the Front - I can't expect to raise my kids to be something that I am not; so be the person you want them to become.
Mind over Matter - If I have a vision for what I am trying to build in my kids, I can do anything to accomplish that vision and it's worth it. Keep that vision in front of you and you'll be able to push through whatever obstacles and you'll drop the stuff that doesn't matter
Keep in mind, he's a SEAL, so there's language in there that comes with that territory, but it's limited and generally appropriate to the situation described. Well worth the read!
He does a great job of mixing in stories of his SEAL Training with stories related to fatherhood. The lessons are great and it was definitely a good kick in the pants for me. Two points that were most helpful for me:
Lead from the Front - I can't expect to raise my kids to be something that I am not; so be the person you want them to become.
Mind over Matter - If I have a vision for what I am trying to build in my kids, I can do anything to accomplish that vision and it's worth it. Keep that vision in front of you and you'll be able to push through whatever obstacles and you'll drop the stuff that doesn't matter
Keep in mind, he's a SEAL, so there's language in there that comes with that territory, but it's limited and generally appropriate to the situation described. Well worth the read!
May 31, 2023
I am so bummed this book is titled “Raising Men,” because it is so much more than a book about parenting boys—and the title alone may keep many people from picking it up and reading it. If you’re breathing, this book would benefit you.
Davis provides such interesting perspective on life, and being a better person and parent. He’s not preachy or flowery, but highly motivating. I moved his insight on admitting when your wrong, and always learning so you’re competency level is ahead of your kids and their interests. I also loved his perspective on time with your kids and the way you respond to them daily.
Like I said above, it’s a book I think everyone would benefit from reading. It has the usually cussing in it, but I’ve come to expect that in any book dealing with the military.
Davis provides such interesting perspective on life, and being a better person and parent. He’s not preachy or flowery, but highly motivating. I moved his insight on admitting when your wrong, and always learning so you’re competency level is ahead of your kids and their interests. I also loved his perspective on time with your kids and the way you respond to them daily.
Like I said above, it’s a book I think everyone would benefit from reading. It has the usually cussing in it, but I’ve come to expect that in any book dealing with the military.
March 7, 2018
I really enjoyed this book! Though it's specifically geared toward fathers raising their sons, there are principles in there that can apply to everyone, both personally and as parents, leaders, or role models.
Since I've been on a spree of reading books written by SEALs, I've gotten used to the way their training and experience gives them an air of arrogance, but in this book, Eric Davis actually explains very simply the difference between confidence and arrogance, and he comes off as genuinely confident without being arrogant. He's capable and qualified to give the kinds of advice he gives.
An unforeseen result of reading a book like this, in particular, is that it's a great read for the potential (or current) military spouse who might be afraid of how the military lifestyle could affect their children. It highlights the positives of having a military parent, and Eric's love for and devotion to his children is remarkable (and therefore reassuring).
Content warning: It's very swear-y for a "parenting book." While not surprising, given the author, be forewarned if you're sensitive to that kind of thing. F-bombs aplenty.
Since I've been on a spree of reading books written by SEALs, I've gotten used to the way their training and experience gives them an air of arrogance, but in this book, Eric Davis actually explains very simply the difference between confidence and arrogance, and he comes off as genuinely confident without being arrogant. He's capable and qualified to give the kinds of advice he gives.
An unforeseen result of reading a book like this, in particular, is that it's a great read for the potential (or current) military spouse who might be afraid of how the military lifestyle could affect their children. It highlights the positives of having a military parent, and Eric's love for and devotion to his children is remarkable (and therefore reassuring).
Content warning: It's very swear-y for a "parenting book." While not surprising, given the author, be forewarned if you're sensitive to that kind of thing. F-bombs aplenty.
September 4, 2019
An interesting spin on taking the lessons learned by Navy SEALs in their training and experience and incorporating them into the serious and important work of raising sons. There was too much salty-sailor language for me, but a few insights are below:
- Don't say, "Wow, you are really good at that!" Instead, say, "Wow, it's great that you worked so hard at that!" Therefore, the focus is on the effort, not on the personal identification of being good at something. Celebrate the triumph over the struggle, not the specific end result or being naturally good at something. Without those language distinctions, the child may learn that if something is hard, it's not worth doing, where the opposite is true. The idea is to instill the thought, "the harder I work, the better I get." (Ch. 7)
- When you are in constant forward motion and have continuous growth, you feel as if there is nothing you can't do. Every obstacle becomes an opportunity. If we're not improving every day, we lose our confidence regarding improvement. (Ch. 8)
- Spend time doing what your kids like to do. (Ch. 8)
- A friend who played in the NHL said that there are plenty of players better than him in the NHL, but many of them are simply not nice guys and thus no one wanted to work or play with them. Scouts knew this, and those players never got picked up to play pro hockey. The same applies to life and parenthood: show up and earn your "Trident" every day. (Ch. 8)
- Don't say, "Wow, you are really good at that!" Instead, say, "Wow, it's great that you worked so hard at that!" Therefore, the focus is on the effort, not on the personal identification of being good at something. Celebrate the triumph over the struggle, not the specific end result or being naturally good at something. Without those language distinctions, the child may learn that if something is hard, it's not worth doing, where the opposite is true. The idea is to instill the thought, "the harder I work, the better I get." (Ch. 7)
- When you are in constant forward motion and have continuous growth, you feel as if there is nothing you can't do. Every obstacle becomes an opportunity. If we're not improving every day, we lose our confidence regarding improvement. (Ch. 8)
- Spend time doing what your kids like to do. (Ch. 8)
- A friend who played in the NHL said that there are plenty of players better than him in the NHL, but many of them are simply not nice guys and thus no one wanted to work or play with them. Scouts knew this, and those players never got picked up to play pro hockey. The same applies to life and parenthood: show up and earn your "Trident" every day. (Ch. 8)
June 7, 2023
This book shows a direct correlation between the life of a Navy Seal and that of parenting. It is written directly to fathers to help them in the teaching and training of their own sons. Being the mother of a daughter and two young adult men, I completely understand why the author’s direct focus was on “raising men.” Many concepts in this book apply to parenting in general. But as I listened to this book, it was definitely my boys that I could relate to most in what he was saying especially now that they have become young men. I don’t know how to explain it, but there is a vast difference from when they were little verse going into manhood. Therefore, although household rules and discipline remain the same for both, the teaching and training looks a bit different. But having said all of this, whether you are a parent or not, have all girls and no boys, there is information to be gained in this book. Many of the concepts discussed in this book when applied to life, would make anyone a better person!
February 1, 2018
Easy read. What I liked most about this book is Eric’s ability to translate his SEAL training to real life challenges while also clearly communicating a nurturing approach that doesn’t give the impression of an inflexible, militaristic home life. If you can’t take rough language, don’t read books by SEALs. Or maybe do read books by SEALs and just get over it. If you’re a father, of either boys or girls, you’ll be glad you checked out this book.
Read
July 13, 2020Some excellent ideas is this one. Debrief questions between chapters to help you really think, relate and implement are tremendously useful. Definitely worth the read.
September 25, 2023
A very good book for learning and I remove one star because I think the title is misleading. It is a book for all children independent from their gender. I love the learnings as Learn, Practice, Experience, and Repeat. #blinkist
March 1, 2024
I listen to the audio book on my commute in the morning, very insightful and different characteristics of being a man and true masculinity.
December 25, 2024
A lot of talk about SEALs and their training. Not exactly shocking considering the community. However the author does a solid job of trying to bring it back to the point about parenting.
May 11, 2023
A good book using the extreme to explain the subtle. Some great points: it’s easier to keep up than catch up, and never stop engaging in fatherhood.
August 15, 2024
Definitely points which I don't agree with and other points which stretch my thinking, but Davis makes a few excellent points to ponder.
June 22, 2022
I listened to the audio book and at first I couldn't get used to the narrator's voice. As I continued to listen, I believe they made the right choice.
I don't have any children, but this book seemed interesting to me because I had read a previous book called "Never Enough" where a navy seal imparts some wisdom. The book was fascinating in some parts because the training SEALS receive seems like it can actually help you in your day to day life. I will certainly try to adapt some of the ideas into my life.
I don't have any children, but this book seemed interesting to me because I had read a previous book called "Never Enough" where a navy seal imparts some wisdom. The book was fascinating in some parts because the training SEALS receive seems like it can actually help you in your day to day life. I will certainly try to adapt some of the ideas into my life.
May 31, 2017
"Raising Men" is a principle based book that uses lessons from the Navy Seals and tries to apply them to your parenting challenges. Overall, i found this approach both entertaining and helpful. Comparing life to war maybe a bit of a stretch for some, but i find it extremely helpful as there are many, many pitfalls that life presents that can and will short circuit the development of our children.
I was pleasantly surprised by the approach of the book. The title suggests a very male macho type approach that is for 'men only'... but i think most of this book can apply to raising all children. If you're looking for 'silver bullet' parent tips that try to solve it all, i think you need to look elsewhere. The author provides general principles of Navy Seal training and applies them to child rearing. He doesn't provide a proscriptive 'checklist' approach, but grounds you in life lessons the Seals teach you that we can apply to every part of our life. I found this approach refreshing and informative.
The most helpful approaches for me were: (A) Building a team, (B) Don't be right, be effective, (C) Get off your Ass, and (D) Taking back what is mine. Building a team is foundational and the author actually comes from a divorced background. His message about putting the kids first no matter what your situation and then building effective communication with your spouse, ex-wife and kids is essential. This message is critical and i personally find that anything my wife and I accomplish is really because we have made a commitment to be together on our child raising. My guess is that most ineffective child rearing stands and falls based on this approach alone. When we send mixed messages to our kids and we aren't 'together' on how to raise, it fundamentally confuses anything you want to accomplish.
"Don't be right, be effective" is a rally to focus on what 'works' vs. thinking you are the expert on everything. This can be problematic for some men as they want to be viewed as the 'head of the house' but often we don't have the faintest clue of what really works. This is a call to humility to learn from others and back to effectively communicating as a team to get things done. Mr. Davis also warns us to let children take the consequences of their own actions. He encourages parents to ensure we let our kids see the real outcomes of actions so they can see how their choices impact their outcomes. We won't always be there for them and we aren't doing them any favors by letting them avoid these consequences.
Finally the lessons of 'Getting off your ass' to 'Taking back what is mine' are helpful calls to build real relationship with your children. While the intensity of parenting will wear off after 18, the author encourages you to build life experiences in the outdoors as a way of making memories. And then he encourages you to find common elements with your son so you can find areas to be friends for life. Now that my son is a teenager... i find this to be the area i need to focus on. I think i need to plan some fishing and hiking trips. The memories and bonding will build that foundation for being a mentor well into his later years.
Well done Mr. Davis! Hooyah!
I was pleasantly surprised by the approach of the book. The title suggests a very male macho type approach that is for 'men only'... but i think most of this book can apply to raising all children. If you're looking for 'silver bullet' parent tips that try to solve it all, i think you need to look elsewhere. The author provides general principles of Navy Seal training and applies them to child rearing. He doesn't provide a proscriptive 'checklist' approach, but grounds you in life lessons the Seals teach you that we can apply to every part of our life. I found this approach refreshing and informative.
The most helpful approaches for me were: (A) Building a team, (B) Don't be right, be effective, (C) Get off your Ass, and (D) Taking back what is mine. Building a team is foundational and the author actually comes from a divorced background. His message about putting the kids first no matter what your situation and then building effective communication with your spouse, ex-wife and kids is essential. This message is critical and i personally find that anything my wife and I accomplish is really because we have made a commitment to be together on our child raising. My guess is that most ineffective child rearing stands and falls based on this approach alone. When we send mixed messages to our kids and we aren't 'together' on how to raise, it fundamentally confuses anything you want to accomplish.
"Don't be right, be effective" is a rally to focus on what 'works' vs. thinking you are the expert on everything. This can be problematic for some men as they want to be viewed as the 'head of the house' but often we don't have the faintest clue of what really works. This is a call to humility to learn from others and back to effectively communicating as a team to get things done. Mr. Davis also warns us to let children take the consequences of their own actions. He encourages parents to ensure we let our kids see the real outcomes of actions so they can see how their choices impact their outcomes. We won't always be there for them and we aren't doing them any favors by letting them avoid these consequences.
Finally the lessons of 'Getting off your ass' to 'Taking back what is mine' are helpful calls to build real relationship with your children. While the intensity of parenting will wear off after 18, the author encourages you to build life experiences in the outdoors as a way of making memories. And then he encourages you to find common elements with your son so you can find areas to be friends for life. Now that my son is a teenager... i find this to be the area i need to focus on. I think i need to plan some fishing and hiking trips. The memories and bonding will build that foundation for being a mentor well into his later years.
Well done Mr. Davis! Hooyah!
May 10, 2016
Best parenting book on the market, not just for men
From start to finish, Eric Davis provides clear examples of how to improve upon family relationships while being funny, insightful and realistic. This is a parenting book that everyone should read. As a mother of three, I appreciate the way in which each idea is set forth and not only includes young men, but also daughters. Each section had me considering in a positive manner ways that our family will benefit from the chapter. Unlike other parenting books that can be dry and frankly condescending in their perfection, the use of multiple teammates, personal stories, and his own successes and at times failures made this a book that anyone can relate to and want to read. This isn't your mom's parenting book! I truly hope that there will be additional books from this author on the horizon. The life lessons herein are applicable to far beyond dads. I recommend this to all moms as well.
From start to finish, Eric Davis provides clear examples of how to improve upon family relationships while being funny, insightful and realistic. This is a parenting book that everyone should read. As a mother of three, I appreciate the way in which each idea is set forth and not only includes young men, but also daughters. Each section had me considering in a positive manner ways that our family will benefit from the chapter. Unlike other parenting books that can be dry and frankly condescending in their perfection, the use of multiple teammates, personal stories, and his own successes and at times failures made this a book that anyone can relate to and want to read. This isn't your mom's parenting book! I truly hope that there will be additional books from this author on the horizon. The life lessons herein are applicable to far beyond dads. I recommend this to all moms as well.
August 7, 2016
Highly recommended to all the parents who want to raise kick ass kids.
Not only will this approach raise seal pups but also might help in reducing your own gut and add some more years to your life. But finally it is too much work :). For me not worth the years it will add or gut it will drop.
But this book is also strewn with some real good thoughts and tricks. Especially I really loved the bit about teaching kids to step back from a fight. That was pretty refreshing.
But finally the book will really leave you thinking about a lot of things you could have done with your kids. For all the despairing parents out there - here are some more things you could have done with your kids but you are not :D
Not only will this approach raise seal pups but also might help in reducing your own gut and add some more years to your life. But finally it is too much work :). For me not worth the years it will add or gut it will drop.
But this book is also strewn with some real good thoughts and tricks. Especially I really loved the bit about teaching kids to step back from a fight. That was pretty refreshing.
But finally the book will really leave you thinking about a lot of things you could have done with your kids. For all the despairing parents out there - here are some more things you could have done with your kids but you are not :D
September 15, 2016
This is such a great book! Thank you Eric Davis for passing on your knowledge and experiences in being the ultimate parent/father! I wish this book would have came back out in 1998 when my son was born. Although my son is in college now, after what I just read, I now have renewed sense of motivation of elevating my parenting skills after all these years. I definitely recommend this book not because I have admired the SEALs since I was a little boy, but because a SEAL transcribed his training into that of being a good father to mentor other fathers who want to be the best that they can be. And if you want to be the best father that you can be then you need to read this!
February 2, 2023
A fantastic book written by, and about, a Navy SEAL. An elite element of the US military, this man is a true badass. This book is about how to parent - raise men, but also any kid - but not lose sight of yourself. And he does it through using his SEAL training and background as the vehicle for this parenting.
BUT…it’s more about being a SEAL. Which is FINE! It was excellent, though not quite completely replicable.
Other SEAL books:
The Hero Code, Admiral McRaven
Lone Survivor, Luttrell
No Easy Day, Owen
Can’t Hurt Me, Goggins
Living with a SEAL, Itzler - not quite this genre
Fortitude, Crenshaw
Sea Stories, Admiral McRaven
Make Your Bed, Admiral McRaven
American Sniper, Kyle
BUT…it’s more about being a SEAL. Which is FINE! It was excellent, though not quite completely replicable.
Other SEAL books:
The Hero Code, Admiral McRaven
Lone Survivor, Luttrell
No Easy Day, Owen
Can’t Hurt Me, Goggins
Living with a SEAL, Itzler - not quite this genre
Fortitude, Crenshaw
Sea Stories, Admiral McRaven
Make Your Bed, Admiral McRaven
American Sniper, Kyle
September 12, 2018
I had the opinion of being in the military was a foolish choice, but the more I read books from people who had a career in the military I have changed my opinion. Most of the advice in this book is sound, and I plan on applying a couple of things. Some advice I won't because I do not trust myself. What I mean is the author writes about the water training he gave his kids and the adventures he went on with them also. I don't feel like I have the training to put my kids in learning situations as he did safely.
March 7, 2022
A book about how to raise boys to men written by NAVY Seals. This book was great and it felt like it was very applicable. My son was on a basketball team and we had an issue with the coach. the next week I read a chapter on how to deal with your kids on a team with a difficult coach. Then my boys were not active enough and watching tv too much and too much video games. the next week I read a chapter on how to get your boys more physical and off video games as much. The book was timely this happened several times. Great book.
May 10, 2023
Read this because my husband did. It’s not a parenting book. It’s a man who happens to have a son (and also 3 daughters but who gives a care about raising girls right?) and uses this book to brag about his time being a navy seal. The parenting advice is shallow and verge. There are two or three crumbs of decent advice, but they are just that, crumbs. I read it in a day and thankfully only a day because I didn’t want to waste any more time with it. If you are looking for real parenting advice look elsewhere.
July 2, 2023
I stopped reading halfway through the book. The connections from SEAL training to Parenting were a stretch. It’s like he justified his parenting decisions (some questionable) because it worked for him in SEAL training.
I really enjoy reading about what training our military goes through because it proves how committed, strong, intelligent, and bad ass they are. But I disagree with lots of behavior strategies he talks about. If it worked for him, great! If it helps other people parent better, then awesome. This book just wasn’t for me.
I really enjoy reading about what training our military goes through because it proves how committed, strong, intelligent, and bad ass they are. But I disagree with lots of behavior strategies he talks about. If it worked for him, great! If it helps other people parent better, then awesome. This book just wasn’t for me.
August 21, 2017
I wanted to give this one a lower rating but, after reading the other reviews, I decided my beef was with the narrator more than the author. I listened to it through Audible and the narrator ruined it for me. I guess he was trying "sound like a SEAL" but it came off more like a slower paced, hokier version of an announcer for a Monster Truck Rally. I actually cranked up the reading speed on the app and pushed through to the finish.
September 8, 2018
This audio book was available from the library, and I think my enjoyment of military-themed books nudged me to try this book out. It wasn't that the book was awful, but I don't think his lessons were particularly moving. I got a few chapters in and decided this was not the book for me. Stories about seal training (filled with way more swearing than I'd expect from a parenting book) roughly tied to raising kids. I stopped early on but all I listened to was pretty obvious for parenting.
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