Dropping the Struggle: Seven Ways to Love the Life You Have

by Roger Housden

Is it possible to fully accept, even love, the life you have? Is it possible to drop the struggle to make yourself and your life different? Acclaimed teacher and bestselling author Roger Housden says yes in this profound alternative to nonstop striving and self-criticism. Whether about our relationships, careers, or spirituality, many of us judge ourselves as not measuring up. But fulfillment comes when we stop struggling and learn to trust the wisdom of what life presents us with.Housden wrote Dropping the Struggle as someone who, up until a few years ago, spent much of his time in a covert struggle with life. Despite his success, he often felt that something was missing. He struggled for years with an ongoing spiritual longing, with questions of meaning and purpose, with the search for love, with all the usual difficulties of being human, until he finally realized — though not with his thinking mind — that the only thing life was asking of him was to rest in a deeper knowing that was always there, usually silently, behind the arguments and strategies that would so commonly occupy his conscious self.“Struggle will never get us the things we want most,” Housden writes, “love; meaning; presence; freedom from anxiety over the past and future; contentment with ourselves exactly as we are, imperfections and all; the acceptance of our mortality — because these things lie outside the ego’s domain. For these, we need another way. That way begins and ends in surrender, in letting go of our resistance to life as it presents itself.”

Genres: Personal Growth, Health, Nonfiction, Spirituality

156 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 5, 2016

About the author

Roger Housden is the author of some twenty books of non fiction, including the best selling Ten Poems series. His new book, SAVED BY BEAUTY: ADVENTURES OF AN AMERICAN ROMANTIC IN IRAN, comes out on May 17 2011 with Broadway Books.

Reviews

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think those of us who suspect there is a better/easier way to live life are always examining the lives and philosophies of others in the hope of finding the “magic formula” that will help us to make that longed-for way of life manifest in our own daily experiences. This book is a beautiful reminder that while we are correct in our “knowing” that there is a better way, we are sadly misguided in our belief that there is some attainable “technique” for achieving it.

Openness, patience, and grace are the path to ease and enlightenment. It is our job to maintain a state of openness, cultivate patience, and trust that grace will be given. Oh, my gosh— that is a formula, of sorts. I must be getting hung up, somewhere between steps one and three...

[Peter Morris · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Dropping the Struggle' is not a workbook. It is a commentary; a spiritual journey through an alternative way of approaching modern life and highlights our social bias towards control and domination.

Anyone who is acquainted with Housden's style and form of communication through the written word will know exactly what they are getting with this book - and, I feel, they will derive equal enjoyment from this one.

Equally, those who are new to the writer and his philosophies may find this a good place to start.

Either way, this is a publication that meanders through a succession of philosophical ideas and spiritual insights that soothe the soul and encourage the very actions that the author extols us to produce for ourselves.

Whilst I did not feel that his arguments were without the need to be challenged in some areas, I did enjoy the overall composition of his writing and his avoidance of dogma and certitude. After all, to give up the personal struggle is a challenge of near epic qualities in itself and we would each approach this task from different directions.

This is a book that identifies some of those subtle approaches and for that the result is successful on several levels.

'Dropping the Struggle' is another Roger Housden success!

[Katherine Relf-canas · Rating 5 out of 5]

As our cat stares at me from the dining room table, which she rules, I try to figure out what she would think of this book were she able to read. She has now turned herself around in a posture I would never be able to imitate as though to say she approves of my thought experiment. I drove up to Kentfield last weekend to take Mr. Housden's workshop; I had taken one before at Spirit Rock in a much larger group. The two workshops were night and day. I hope to take another one so I can compare it to the other two. Maybe it will be mid-afternoon-ish. This book is meant to be savored and given as a gift to others who are also looking for a lovely affirmation of our hidden capacity to simply yet not willfully drop the struggle--and, to use a phrase of Mr. Housden's, which I heard at my first workshop with him, to join the silence. Ah, that rings true, as does this book.

[Prayerpilgrim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a lovely blend of my two deep loves: spirituality and poetry. And it was timely for the personal agenda surfacing in my life. You may recognize the author from his previously published collections of other's poetry, in this book he reflects ( with a poet's perspective) on our struggles to be special, to have a perfect life, with meaning and purpose, with time, with change, to be loved and to know.

[Magdelanye · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is not easy under any circumstances to stay awake to our self-deceptions and unconscious expectations, even less so when it involves someone else....p75

It is not the past that is the problem; it is the way we hang on to it, repeat it, regurgitate it, mostly in order to give ourselves a false sense of substance and identity....Neither is the future a problem unless our plans and fantasies so swamp our present experience that we are living in a dreamland rather than in the life we actually have. p100

So much of our lives involve struggle: with conditions; with relatives and with others, and with ourselves, certainly. Buddha noticed this and a spiritual dynasty evolved. Roger Housden may be informed by these principles, but he is not setting himself up as a holy man nor even an expert. What he shares of his own experience reveals a humble, intelligent man who attends the world with "loving regard". All he is is inviting his readers to do is drop the struggle.

The only way through is to accept the gift of the moment, however it shows up. If what shows up is inadequacy...let it be so. This too.... to accept my vulnerabilities and fragility. p43

In particular, this book explores seven crucial areas that struggle occupies in our lives, and though each chapter begins with our little struggle to accept the validity of each premise, by the end of the book it is clear that these premises are not so distinct. The best tactic we can employ will allow us to drop the struggle to be special and the struggle for a perfect life and for meaning and purpose and love. We can also drop our struggle with time and with change and knowledge. This does not negate our need for these things, but it does put them in a different light.

dropping the struggle leads not away from life but deeply into it....Each moment of your life offers you an opportunity to respond more creatively.....p2

Citing Henry Miller and Nietzsche, he embraces the idea of "amor fati, loving your fate-acknowledging and accepting the conditions of your life exactly as they are, whatever they are-because that is what you have." And when we can do this, RH assures us, when we can find a deep appreciation for what we have, we can find that the struggle is not necessary.

That is not to say that your fate cannot be changed. p2
...when, if only for a moment, something in you stops struggling with your experience, stops trying to make it other than what it is. You allow your full experience when you feel the space between your fear-based thoughts and rest there.....Then a deeper knowing can move through you emerge as needed as appropriate action. p3

This little book gives readers some appropriate actions we can take to catalyze and deepen the process. Nothing we need struggle with, thankfully. Not much more than attending to the moment, enjoying rather than racing through it; and of course reading and maybe writing poetry.

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Housden's language is always beautiful and he always draws on poetry. He makes a crucial distinction between struggle and trying/effort. That distinction made all the difference for me in being able to approach the book and discover within core spiritual practices, like humility. Good reflective reading for spiritual journaling individually or in groups or as a teaching before and after meditation.

[Cathy Crouch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful. Having read several of Housden's 10 Poems series in which he provides such insightful commentary on the poems he selected, it is nice to read a book totally written by him. He has a great style and this book is to be read again and again along the "journey."

[Bishoy Hanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must read again... Very helpful ...

[Pamela Ellis · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Leah Eldridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one I go back to again and again. Poetry and wisdom come together perfectly.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A magnificent book written by Roger Housden, whose courage and openness in living his journey allowed him to share his insights with those of us who have only just begun.

[Carrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I much prefer his poetry series (10 Poems to Set you Free, 110 Poems of Love and Revelation, etc.) which is what led me to pick up this book in the first place. It has some worthwhile poems (esp. by Rumi) and an explanation of Poetry as a Wisdom language, but the rest is prose and kind of advice/self-help with a little bit of philosophy thrown in. It actually dovetailed well with the memoir Marrow which I read concurrently for a while. A lot about acceptance and awareness -- all good reflections and observations, but nothing earth-shattering or game-changing. Of course, it's one thing to read all about it and another thing to practice it. That's on me. Could see this being helpful for someone entering a new phase of life (graduation, retirement) or something to re-read periodically as the principles are sound and don't change though circumstances do.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book -- for me, anyway -- for a Lenten journey. Or perhaps, I should just say "for Lent." This book has reminded me that so much of our life "narrative" is just stories we tell ourselves.

[Tristy at New World Library · Rating 5 out of 5]

Endorsements:
“An inspiring, life-changing book that challenges us to open our arms to the life we have rather than wishing we had something else.”
— Marci Shimoff, author of Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out

“With luminous clarity, radical authenticity, and tender appreciation of the human predicament, Dropping the Struggle is more than a teaching and bigger than a book: it is an invitation to transform.”
— Mirabai Starr, author of Caravan of No Despair: A Memoir of Loss and Transformation

“This book came to me just when I needed it, helping me to loosen my tight fist on how I want things to be and take another step toward acceptance.”
— Ellen Bass, author of Like a Beggar

“Gently and wisely, Roger Housden points to the timeless knowing within us, which dissolves the need to struggle with life, with others, and with ourselves.”
— Roger Walsh, MD, PhD, author of Essential Spirituality: The 7 Central Practices to Awaken Heart and Mind

“A book of confessions, advice, and easy-to-digest wisdom on how to lean into surrender and beingness in spite of our Western hardwiring of constant doingness.”
— Arielle Ford, author of Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate: A Practical Guide to Happily Ever After

“Dropping the Struggle is a wise, compassionate, fierce gift and gentle guide for living fully with more ease. Blending poetry, storytelling, and science, it leads the way toward a more open heart and mind.”
— Marc Lesser, author of Less: Accomplishing More by Doing Less and Know Yourself, Forget Yourself: Five Truths to Transform Your Work, Relationships, and Everyday Life

[Vicky R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author’s writing was gentle and helpful. You can tell he was deeply ingrained in his work and wanted to share his discoveries in a loving way.

[Jennifer Plumm · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book to help me understand that my struggling only made my longing worse. Good read & the poetry was well thought out.