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The Phenomenon: Pressure, the Yips, and the Pitch that Changed My Life
Rick Ankiel had the talent to be one of the best pitchers ever. Then, one day, he lost it.
The Phenomenon is the story of how St. Louis Cardinals prodigy Rick Ankiel lost his once-in-a-generation ability to pitch -- not due to an injury or a bolt of lightning, but a mysterious anxiety condition widely known as "the Yips." It came without warning, in the middle of a playoff game, with millions of people watching. And it has never gone away.
Yet the true test of Ankiel's character came not on the mound, but in the long days and nights that followed as he searched for a way to get back in the game. For four and a half years, he fought the Yips with every arrow in his quiver: psychotherapy, medication, deep-breathing exercises, self-help books, and, eventually, vodka. And then, after reconsidering his whole life at the age of twenty-five, Ankiel made an amazing turnaround: returning to the Major Leagues as a hitter and playing seven successful seasons.
This book is an incredible story about a universal experience -- pressure -- and what happened when a person on the brink had to make a choice about who he was going to be.
The Phenomenon is the story of how St. Louis Cardinals prodigy Rick Ankiel lost his once-in-a-generation ability to pitch -- not due to an injury or a bolt of lightning, but a mysterious anxiety condition widely known as "the Yips." It came without warning, in the middle of a playoff game, with millions of people watching. And it has never gone away.
Yet the true test of Ankiel's character came not on the mound, but in the long days and nights that followed as he searched for a way to get back in the game. For four and a half years, he fought the Yips with every arrow in his quiver: psychotherapy, medication, deep-breathing exercises, self-help books, and, eventually, vodka. And then, after reconsidering his whole life at the age of twenty-five, Ankiel made an amazing turnaround: returning to the Major Leagues as a hitter and playing seven successful seasons.
This book is an incredible story about a universal experience -- pressure -- and what happened when a person on the brink had to make a choice about who he was going to be.
7 pages, Audiobook
First published April 18, 2017
163 people are currently reading
1040 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 206 reviews
June 6, 2017
I was not a fan of Ankiel, as he didn’t play on my favorite team or even in the same league, at the time he was most famous/infamous. So I was aware of his name, and had vaguely heard of him in connection with the yips, but knew nothing of his story. I found his memoir interesting, and his determination to return to baseball admirable. Even more admirable is his decision to give back to the sport and to players who are suffering a similar experience, in the hopes that, if they can’t overcome the anxiety and have a successful career in baseball, then at least they can move on to other things with courage and pride and still lead a happy and productive life.
Audiobook, purchased via Audible. The author reads his own work, and does as well as can be expected from someone who is not a professional voice actor.
Audiobook, purchased via Audible. The author reads his own work, and does as well as can be expected from someone who is not a professional voice actor.
May 4, 2017
Rick Ankiel's rise, fall, and resurrection is one of baseball's greatest stories, but it's clear that Rick is a ballplayer and not a writer/narrator. I listened to the audiobook. While it was interesting to hear his story in his own words, it made me appreciate professional narrators who make it sound natural and not so obviously read from a book. I hate to say it, but in listening to him read, it was obvious that he put his athletic training well above his education.
On a positive note, I do love that Ankiel pulls no punches and comes across as completely honest in this autobiography. Ankiel's story is one of the most unique in baseball history, and it deserves to be made into a movie. Until then, this imperfect autobiography will do.
On a positive note, I do love that Ankiel pulls no punches and comes across as completely honest in this autobiography. Ankiel's story is one of the most unique in baseball history, and it deserves to be made into a movie. Until then, this imperfect autobiography will do.
June 15, 2017
Typical has-been memoir. I've read my share of these and some are more interesting than others. You can tell the ones who just want to make a quick buck (they're short and choppy, like this one).
This book's plot in a sentence: Phenom pitcher with a drunkard for a dad who develops anxiety and can't throw a ball 60 ft, then becomes a mediocre outfielder.
This book's plot in a sentence: Phenom pitcher with a drunkard for a dad who develops anxiety and can't throw a ball 60 ft, then becomes a mediocre outfielder.
October 6, 2022
I’m obsessed with baseball, and my team is the Saint Louis Cardinals, so let’s get that out of the way. In two days they start their post season play, so I’m nervous already. This story is by a player who I’ve been watching since his debut, 22 years ago. I’ve known about his peculiar issues for a long time, but I finally got around to ready “his “ book, clearly written by his co-author, but his words come through in baseball-speak, loud and clear.
This man is remarkable. I mistakenly thought the “phenomenon” of the title was himself, but no, this was the phantom that plagued his career, in his rookie year, something that is horrifying inexplicable. Something goes haywire in the brain, where the highest performing athletes in the world get something wrong in their brain and the natural talent they have is suddenly rendered useless. I remember the season this happened, 2000, where Rick (our protagonist) started the first game of the World Series (a rare honor for a rookie, showing just how promising his young talent was) and enjoyed a surprising 6 run lead off the Atlanta Braves’ ace, Greg Maddox. He was cruising & suddenly he wasn’t. He couldn’t get the ball over the plate – and I don’t mean he was missing the strike zone, I mean the ball was literally sailing to the backstop. After an embarrassing number of walks, hit batsmen and hits, he had squandered that big lead. And he couldn’t get it back. He had to be pulled from the game in shame and that was that.
The rest of the story is his upbringing, a father who was in prison for drug smuggling and a hardscrabble life where his natural talent was the great hope for the family. Rick was not only good his rookie year, he was fabulously successful, until that fateful day on the big stage. He was compared with Sandy Koufax for his left handed devastating curveball and his supreme confidence. But when it went so horribly wrong, all the kings horses and men couldn’t put him back together again. He was given top shelf resources, sports psychologists, and advice came from every corner. But he struggled, his mojo was gone, he had nightmares and the sweats so severe he couldn’t control himself. He tried it all, anti-anxiety meds, meditation, even a game or two drunk as he could be (it showed a temporary improvement). He injured his arm in the offseason throwing privately in his back yard, wearing a spot on the brick wall. He tried and tried, sometimes for a stretch in the minors is was better, but ultimately he threw in the towel.
Rick was lonely, his best friend was his psychologist, who he considered a father figure. He learned this problem was not unique, it had happened to others, such as a catcher who lost the ability to throw the ball back to the pitcher. Golfers had a similar syndrome, the “yips” where they could no longer make a short putt, something in the brain that was impossible to corral. Truly terrifying for a sportsman who depended on the talent that was once so natural to succeed.
Ultimately this is a kind of performance anxiety – I’ve seen it with my amateur friends, some of whom play golf and struggle with the phenomenon, or the “monster”, that no amount of practicing or hypnosis can cure. I’ve felt its cold creeping hand on me when I’ve been in front of people or trembling in the big moment.
Rick Ankiel is a hero, though, to me – he came back and succeeded as an outfielder who could hit decently and fielded well, and inexplicably could through a perfect strike from deep center field to the catcher, without a hop! I watched this man play, and it was inspiring. This story is so real, so raw, what happened in the dugout, behind the scenes, in his personal life. I loved it. The co-author clearly put the sentences together, so thank you Tim Brown for letting Rick’s words get to us in a coherent and entertaining style.
I’ll see if I can get Rick to sign my book some day, he’s a hero of mine – now a color broadcaster for my beloved Cardinals.
And now back to the 2022 Cardinals, and the big drama on the big stage.
This man is remarkable. I mistakenly thought the “phenomenon” of the title was himself, but no, this was the phantom that plagued his career, in his rookie year, something that is horrifying inexplicable. Something goes haywire in the brain, where the highest performing athletes in the world get something wrong in their brain and the natural talent they have is suddenly rendered useless. I remember the season this happened, 2000, where Rick (our protagonist) started the first game of the World Series (a rare honor for a rookie, showing just how promising his young talent was) and enjoyed a surprising 6 run lead off the Atlanta Braves’ ace, Greg Maddox. He was cruising & suddenly he wasn’t. He couldn’t get the ball over the plate – and I don’t mean he was missing the strike zone, I mean the ball was literally sailing to the backstop. After an embarrassing number of walks, hit batsmen and hits, he had squandered that big lead. And he couldn’t get it back. He had to be pulled from the game in shame and that was that.
The rest of the story is his upbringing, a father who was in prison for drug smuggling and a hardscrabble life where his natural talent was the great hope for the family. Rick was not only good his rookie year, he was fabulously successful, until that fateful day on the big stage. He was compared with Sandy Koufax for his left handed devastating curveball and his supreme confidence. But when it went so horribly wrong, all the kings horses and men couldn’t put him back together again. He was given top shelf resources, sports psychologists, and advice came from every corner. But he struggled, his mojo was gone, he had nightmares and the sweats so severe he couldn’t control himself. He tried it all, anti-anxiety meds, meditation, even a game or two drunk as he could be (it showed a temporary improvement). He injured his arm in the offseason throwing privately in his back yard, wearing a spot on the brick wall. He tried and tried, sometimes for a stretch in the minors is was better, but ultimately he threw in the towel.
Rick was lonely, his best friend was his psychologist, who he considered a father figure. He learned this problem was not unique, it had happened to others, such as a catcher who lost the ability to throw the ball back to the pitcher. Golfers had a similar syndrome, the “yips” where they could no longer make a short putt, something in the brain that was impossible to corral. Truly terrifying for a sportsman who depended on the talent that was once so natural to succeed.
Ultimately this is a kind of performance anxiety – I’ve seen it with my amateur friends, some of whom play golf and struggle with the phenomenon, or the “monster”, that no amount of practicing or hypnosis can cure. I’ve felt its cold creeping hand on me when I’ve been in front of people or trembling in the big moment.
Rick Ankiel is a hero, though, to me – he came back and succeeded as an outfielder who could hit decently and fielded well, and inexplicably could through a perfect strike from deep center field to the catcher, without a hop! I watched this man play, and it was inspiring. This story is so real, so raw, what happened in the dugout, behind the scenes, in his personal life. I loved it. The co-author clearly put the sentences together, so thank you Tim Brown for letting Rick’s words get to us in a coherent and entertaining style.
I’ll see if I can get Rick to sign my book some day, he’s a hero of mine – now a color broadcaster for my beloved Cardinals.
And now back to the 2022 Cardinals, and the big drama on the big stage.
September 15, 2017
37. The Phenomenon : Pressure, the Yips, and the Pitch that Changed My Life (Audio) by Rick Ankiel & Tim Brown
read by the author
published: 2017
format: Overdrive digital audio, 6:28 (~179 pages, but 304 pages in print)
acquired: Library
listened: Sep 5-11
rating: 3
For baseball fans and those interested in lives that encounter something akin to a car wreck.
Despite Ankiel's optimism, this is really a sad story. Baseball fans know Rick Ankiel as a pitcher who lost control after one bad playoff game. It was worse than that. He was a very talented left handed pitcher, maybe exceptionally talented. He had a solid rookie year, and was named a starter in a key playoff game. Then, in that game, winning 6-0, he threw a wild pitch, one bad pitch, and he never recovered. Ankiel was 21 years old, healthy, fine in practice sessions, but he was unable to pitch in a game. He had some unknown undefined issue, maybe akin to anxiety. He was talented enough that several years later he returned to the major leagues as a outfielder (with a spectacular arm).
So, he tells his story here. He's a nice guy, gives a pretty straight-forward memoir, and reads it nicely. You'll feel bad for him, for his abusive father, for what he might have done, and you'll be impressed. And, if you're like me, afterward you'll have some guilt for being so interested.
read by the author
published: 2017
format: Overdrive digital audio, 6:28 (~179 pages, but 304 pages in print)
acquired: Library
listened: Sep 5-11
rating: 3
For baseball fans and those interested in lives that encounter something akin to a car wreck.
Despite Ankiel's optimism, this is really a sad story. Baseball fans know Rick Ankiel as a pitcher who lost control after one bad playoff game. It was worse than that. He was a very talented left handed pitcher, maybe exceptionally talented. He had a solid rookie year, and was named a starter in a key playoff game. Then, in that game, winning 6-0, he threw a wild pitch, one bad pitch, and he never recovered. Ankiel was 21 years old, healthy, fine in practice sessions, but he was unable to pitch in a game. He had some unknown undefined issue, maybe akin to anxiety. He was talented enough that several years later he returned to the major leagues as a outfielder (with a spectacular arm).
So, he tells his story here. He's a nice guy, gives a pretty straight-forward memoir, and reads it nicely. You'll feel bad for him, for his abusive father, for what he might have done, and you'll be impressed. And, if you're like me, afterward you'll have some guilt for being so interested.
April 24, 2017
Very enlightening. As a Cardinal fan, I was watching on tv when the monster reared its ugly head. I, like most, had no idea what was going on. It was unbearable to watch. I wanted to go and hide. And I saw on tv his first game back as an outfielder when he hit the HR and I was cheering. Kudos to Rick for being very open and vulnerable and allows us to see what was happening. This book lets those who are fighting the monster to know they are not alone.
June 11, 2023
this book made me cry lol i love baseball go cards !!
February 27, 2023
Not anything brilliant, but I was intrigued by this. I had the privilege of seeing Rick Ankiel pitch in triple-A for the opposing team and he was very impressive. Since then I followed his career and loved that he was able to come back as an outfielder. The book isn't super in depth of his life, but it is genuine and showed how no one really knows what causes the yips, though people want to think they do. I could feel Ankiel's anxiety through the page (or audio in my case) and was cheering for him. If you are interested in baseball biographies and memoirs, this one is worth picking up.
Content warning: some strong language; talk of abuse
2023 challenge: A book about an athlete/sport
Content warning: some strong language; talk of abuse
2023 challenge: A book about an athlete/sport
August 12, 2017
I was 21 years old in the years of Mark McGwire resuscitating baseball and when the St. Louis Cardinals - my lifelong team - were back in the news and playoffs. Rick Ankiel popped on the scene and was electric to watch - he had an incredible rookie season but unraveled in Game 1 of the division series. I was amongst the countless who rooted for his successful return the following season, only to see him struggle, go to the minors, get hurt, and return... only to make the unprecedented decision to become an outfielder. When he was promoted to the Cardinals in 2007, I scored tickets to the game and sat on the third base line as he hit a 3-run homer in his first game back as a major league outfielder. When he was signed by the New York Mets and announced as a starter at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, I changed my travel plans and drove 2 hours back home early so I could see him play. Saw him twice in that series. Got to see him play with 4 teams. Followed his career for years. Finally got to meet him in person last year. When I saw this book was coming out, I bought and added it to my queue right away. Read it in days.
Rick Ankiel's book is raw, honest, and inspiring. Not only was I able to re-live these games I watched through his eyes, but could read how he coped with the anxiety that struck, how he mounted multiple comebacks and what went through his mind after he grappled with challenge after challenge. Loved this book. 5 stars.
Rick Ankiel's book is raw, honest, and inspiring. Not only was I able to re-live these games I watched through his eyes, but could read how he coped with the anxiety that struck, how he mounted multiple comebacks and what went through his mind after he grappled with challenge after challenge. Loved this book. 5 stars.
April 17, 2017
Rick Ankiel's story is really amazing. I know that athletes go into slumps but Ankiel's spectacular loss of control that really never came back is a few steps beyond that. It's cool that he reinvented himself as an outfielder although I never really saw him play. What a shame he was injured when the Cardinals won the world series. I hope he continues to find a way to make a career in baseball and that he is as good as father as he wants to be.
November 28, 2019
I had a LOT of feelings reading this memoir. Ankiel played in the years right after my family and I became big baseball fans and were at Busch Stadium a lot. We knew the whole roster, we watched games avidly. My stepdad loved Jim Edmonds, I loved JD Drew, and my mom loved loved loved Rick Ankiel. I was 15 and vidvidly remember following Ankiel's case of the yips.
And although watching Ankiel's crisis was awful, those years of baseball are sort of the glory days for my family. That was before everything changed; before my parents died. We were happy and together and loved baseball, and reading about those years through Ankiel's eyes--with a roster full of familiar names--was as nostalgic and emotional as reading about his crisis was awful. It had a small feeling of home to it. I remember seeing Ankiel pitch, surrounded by my family. I remember going to Darryl Kile's memorial. I remember these players. I remember how much my family loved them.
This is not a perfect book. The writing is not that strong, it's very repetitive and vague at the same time, and would be stronger as a linear narrative. But it was moving to me to hear Ankiel's experience FROM him, and it took me back to a time and place I loved with all my heart. And I am so glad to know that Ankiel came out of all of it okay.
And although watching Ankiel's crisis was awful, those years of baseball are sort of the glory days for my family. That was before everything changed; before my parents died. We were happy and together and loved baseball, and reading about those years through Ankiel's eyes--with a roster full of familiar names--was as nostalgic and emotional as reading about his crisis was awful. It had a small feeling of home to it. I remember seeing Ankiel pitch, surrounded by my family. I remember going to Darryl Kile's memorial. I remember these players. I remember how much my family loved them.
This is not a perfect book. The writing is not that strong, it's very repetitive and vague at the same time, and would be stronger as a linear narrative. But it was moving to me to hear Ankiel's experience FROM him, and it took me back to a time and place I loved with all my heart. And I am so glad to know that Ankiel came out of all of it okay.
May 22, 2017
Overall, I was a bit disappointed with this read. Even though it was short, it just got a bit boring in the middle for my tastes. The storytelling was good enough that it's still a worthy listen for most baseball fans.
June 28, 2017
4 stars not for the writing, but for the story. This is a pretty classic baseball story that makes you cheer for someone I definitely once laughed at. And the redemption is pretty great. The writing though? Not so much.
January 7, 2019
A book I was looking forward to reading but sadly it was disjointed as a read. I think if it was smoother with the timeline I would have enjoyed and had a harder time putting it down. Good story still.
July 7, 2019
As a baseball fan this memoir was super interesting to me. I didn't love how it jumped around so much and would have preferred a more linear narrative. Nonetheless, I still read every page and absolutely admire Rick Ankiel for his perspective, perseverance, and honesty.
July 13, 2022
To be honest all I really understand after listening to this is that Rick doesn’t know where the yips came from and he really hated his dad.
August 31, 2017
When I was a kid, loved All-Star Baseball '99 for the Nintendo 64. It had an awesome feature that allowed you to do a fantasy draft in season mode, so you could take, for instance, the Red Sox (my team of choice), and then engage in a fantasy draft that would allow you to select all players from available rosters at the time. There were some weird hiccups on the A.I.'s part in both the draft itself (mediocre Sox middle reliever Rich Garces, for instance, was always a top 4 pick by the computer for some reason), and in the gameplay (future Brewers slugger Richie Sexson, for example, had a terrible rating and strike zone gauge, but was actually the best HR hitter in the game), that would allow you to manipulate your team to a slight advantage. But it was a great game.
Nowadays, player ratings are so hyped up that NBA stars get into twitter fights with the game makers over their ratings, and they're tweaked throughout the season. But back in 2000, it was much more under the radar. And that must be how a flame throwing rookie from the St. Louis Cardinals received a rating in the high 90s, despite throwing barely 3o innings in the major leagues the season prior.
I give that meandering intro, because I think it's important to understanding just what Rick Ankiel dealt with in his career. He was a can't miss prospect, a guy who was so well thought of that he was rated among the best players in a video game before he was even eligible for Rookie of the Year (in that aforementioned fantasy draft, he was always taken in Round 1 or 2 by the A.I. - in order to have him on my team just to see what the hype was about, I took in the first round once). He had the world on a platter, and then the Yips came for him.
I won't rehash his story here. I'll only say that what Ankiel did was incredible, and his honesty and self-reflection in this book is astonishing. I know that some people look at what he gave up (potentially being the next Sandy Koufax), and what he inevitably did (became a solid starting OF for multiple seasons in MLB), and write it off, wondering why he would stop trying to be a pitcher. What that discounts is just how hard it is to be a professional athlete. We lionize guys like Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders, and deservedly so, for being so talented that they were able to be successful in multiple professional sports. But what Ankiel did is nearly as impressive. Guys don't go from being major league pitchers to being major league hitters. It's a different skill set, and many have tried and failed (Adam Loewen, for example, recently switched from a pitcher to a hitter, and actually made the majors, but had nowhere near the career Ankiel did, and actually went back to pitching over the last couple of years, to limited success). Ankiel was a true anomaly, and it's incredible what he accomplished.
I recall reading in Sports Illustrated years ago, when Ankiel was in the depths of his battle with the yips, Tony La Russa being asked about Ankiel being a hitter full-time, as he showed flashes of power when he was still pitching. La Russa jokingly responded, "he's a good hitter, but he's not that good," with the implication being, "come on guys, get real. You can't just be a major league hitter like that." And yet, years later, Ankiel did it. It's amazing.
But what really makes the book stand out is Ankiel's raw honesty about what it was like, how he combated it, and how he found the intestinal fortitude to keep going (and, even more so, when he finally found the strength to quit pitching). It's emotional, insightful, and much appreciated by this baseball junkie. A great read for any baseball fan.
Nowadays, player ratings are so hyped up that NBA stars get into twitter fights with the game makers over their ratings, and they're tweaked throughout the season. But back in 2000, it was much more under the radar. And that must be how a flame throwing rookie from the St. Louis Cardinals received a rating in the high 90s, despite throwing barely 3o innings in the major leagues the season prior.
I give that meandering intro, because I think it's important to understanding just what Rick Ankiel dealt with in his career. He was a can't miss prospect, a guy who was so well thought of that he was rated among the best players in a video game before he was even eligible for Rookie of the Year (in that aforementioned fantasy draft, he was always taken in Round 1 or 2 by the A.I. - in order to have him on my team just to see what the hype was about, I took in the first round once). He had the world on a platter, and then the Yips came for him.
I won't rehash his story here. I'll only say that what Ankiel did was incredible, and his honesty and self-reflection in this book is astonishing. I know that some people look at what he gave up (potentially being the next Sandy Koufax), and what he inevitably did (became a solid starting OF for multiple seasons in MLB), and write it off, wondering why he would stop trying to be a pitcher. What that discounts is just how hard it is to be a professional athlete. We lionize guys like Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders, and deservedly so, for being so talented that they were able to be successful in multiple professional sports. But what Ankiel did is nearly as impressive. Guys don't go from being major league pitchers to being major league hitters. It's a different skill set, and many have tried and failed (Adam Loewen, for example, recently switched from a pitcher to a hitter, and actually made the majors, but had nowhere near the career Ankiel did, and actually went back to pitching over the last couple of years, to limited success). Ankiel was a true anomaly, and it's incredible what he accomplished.
I recall reading in Sports Illustrated years ago, when Ankiel was in the depths of his battle with the yips, Tony La Russa being asked about Ankiel being a hitter full-time, as he showed flashes of power when he was still pitching. La Russa jokingly responded, "he's a good hitter, but he's not that good," with the implication being, "come on guys, get real. You can't just be a major league hitter like that." And yet, years later, Ankiel did it. It's amazing.
But what really makes the book stand out is Ankiel's raw honesty about what it was like, how he combated it, and how he found the intestinal fortitude to keep going (and, even more so, when he finally found the strength to quit pitching). It's emotional, insightful, and much appreciated by this baseball junkie. A great read for any baseball fan.
July 13, 2017
In October 2000, Rick Ankiel felt like he was on the top of the baseball world. He was considered one of the best young pitchers in the game and was on the mound for a post-season game against the team he cheered for as a boy, the Atlanta Braves. In the third inning, a seemingly innocent wild pitch led to even more of them and he had to soon thereafter be removed from the game. That led to even more wildness and Ankiel was in the fight for his baseball career. But that fight was an internal one and how he handled that is chronicled in his recently published memoir.
When I saw that Ankiel was the narrator of the audio version, I decided to listen as I always believe that hearing the author tell his or her story lends an air of credibility to the book if he or she sounds honest. That was certainly the case here as Ankiel comes across in both words and voice as completely honest. While he had a difficult childhood by seeing his father treat his mother badly, he doesn’t blame that or any other external reason for his sudden loss of the ability to throw a baseball where he wanted.
When Ankiel subsequently underwent surgery on his throwing arm and still did not have success, the reader or listener will be surprised at how he decided to change from being a pitcher to an outfielder. Even though I knew the story behind his decision to change and his subsequent work to learn a new position, I believed this was the most inspiring part of his story. Late in his career, he played in another post-season game, this time for the Braves and he hit a game-winning home run against the San Francisco Giants.
He also spoke honestly about his name appearing on the Mitchell Report, the report written by former senator George Mitchell on his investigation in the use of performance enhancing drugs in baseball. Ankiel states that he took human growth hormone while recovering from his surgery and at the time, he checked if it was a banned substance in the game. He stated that it was not at the time (not until 2005) and therefore he decided to use it. There was no defiance, no bitterness at being listed on the report – just stated as a matter of fact.
This statement is in line with the rest of his book – narrated as just what happened without a lot of emotions, regrets or anger. It was an audiobook that I enjoyed listening to and would recommend this book, either print or audio, to baseball fans who enjoy memoirs or a good comeback story.
http://sportsbookguy.blogspot.com/201...
When I saw that Ankiel was the narrator of the audio version, I decided to listen as I always believe that hearing the author tell his or her story lends an air of credibility to the book if he or she sounds honest. That was certainly the case here as Ankiel comes across in both words and voice as completely honest. While he had a difficult childhood by seeing his father treat his mother badly, he doesn’t blame that or any other external reason for his sudden loss of the ability to throw a baseball where he wanted.
When Ankiel subsequently underwent surgery on his throwing arm and still did not have success, the reader or listener will be surprised at how he decided to change from being a pitcher to an outfielder. Even though I knew the story behind his decision to change and his subsequent work to learn a new position, I believed this was the most inspiring part of his story. Late in his career, he played in another post-season game, this time for the Braves and he hit a game-winning home run against the San Francisco Giants.
He also spoke honestly about his name appearing on the Mitchell Report, the report written by former senator George Mitchell on his investigation in the use of performance enhancing drugs in baseball. Ankiel states that he took human growth hormone while recovering from his surgery and at the time, he checked if it was a banned substance in the game. He stated that it was not at the time (not until 2005) and therefore he decided to use it. There was no defiance, no bitterness at being listed on the report – just stated as a matter of fact.
This statement is in line with the rest of his book – narrated as just what happened without a lot of emotions, regrets or anger. It was an audiobook that I enjoyed listening to and would recommend this book, either print or audio, to baseball fans who enjoy memoirs or a good comeback story.
http://sportsbookguy.blogspot.com/201...
December 4, 2024
The draw of sport for me lies entirely in the metaphor of it all. Winning and losing in a vacuum is meaningless. In context, both are utterly transcendent.
And if you have ever lived as a prisoner of your own mind, particularly as a slave to its relentlessly impossible pursuit of perfection in any capacity, this book is like breathing air. I craved it.
This story - about the most epic of failures in the form of the yips - hits every single note of what I love most about sports, and more importantly, about adversity (if that is something you can love) - the deep, dark, cruel kind.
Ankiel describes it as “a monster that's big enough to fill the world and small enough to fit inside one's head.” He quotes someone else who calls it “standing naked before the gods.”
But sports psychologist Harvey Dorfman, one of numerous heroes of this story, defies said gods with a blunt “So what are you gonna do about it?” This is the true story, as Ankiel says in his dedication, of what he did about it.
It feels worth caveating that perhaps objectively this memoir is not a literary masterpiece. It can be fairly criticized as repetitive or slightly meandering. Some might find the writing wanting.
But for those who find it as nichely resonant as I did, it is gobsmackingly wonderful. I was taking photos of entire pages. I was exclaiming out loud to myself in my living room. Yes, the repetitiveness is Ankiel describing many of the same feelings and experiences over and over again, but every time in new and piercingly accurate ways. I clung to every single word.
“See, there is the life you want. There is the life you get. There is what you do with that.”
Add Rick Ankiel to the list of people I’d like to shake hands with before I die, thank, and let know, “To me, what you did with it really mattered.”
And if you have ever lived as a prisoner of your own mind, particularly as a slave to its relentlessly impossible pursuit of perfection in any capacity, this book is like breathing air. I craved it.
This story - about the most epic of failures in the form of the yips - hits every single note of what I love most about sports, and more importantly, about adversity (if that is something you can love) - the deep, dark, cruel kind.
Ankiel describes it as “a monster that's big enough to fill the world and small enough to fit inside one's head.” He quotes someone else who calls it “standing naked before the gods.”
But sports psychologist Harvey Dorfman, one of numerous heroes of this story, defies said gods with a blunt “So what are you gonna do about it?” This is the true story, as Ankiel says in his dedication, of what he did about it.
It feels worth caveating that perhaps objectively this memoir is not a literary masterpiece. It can be fairly criticized as repetitive or slightly meandering. Some might find the writing wanting.
But for those who find it as nichely resonant as I did, it is gobsmackingly wonderful. I was taking photos of entire pages. I was exclaiming out loud to myself in my living room. Yes, the repetitiveness is Ankiel describing many of the same feelings and experiences over and over again, but every time in new and piercingly accurate ways. I clung to every single word.
“See, there is the life you want. There is the life you get. There is what you do with that.”
Add Rick Ankiel to the list of people I’d like to shake hands with before I die, thank, and let know, “To me, what you did with it really mattered.”
March 2, 2021
Rick Ankiel contracted the "yips" at the worst possible time. He was 21 years old, a phenom, a man with a once-in-a-generation arm standing on the mount in a playoff game in baseball-mad St Louis. Everything was going great, until it wasn't. He threw a ball that missed badly, going back to the backstop, and then another. In sports language, the wheels came off and Ankiel's career would never be the same. Amazingly, at that moment, the carefree pitcher that Ankiel had been all his life disappeared. He was storming through major league baseball, skipping college, never playing below triple A, a pro at 20. And then, he lost the ability to throw strikes and no one knew why. This is a lively, very personal, fascinating account of Rick Ankiel's unique career. He was a phenom and then a flop, a winner and then a punch line. He retired at 25 and then entered the game again as an outfielder and made it back to the majors, something virtually unheard of in a 100 years of baseball. Along the way Ankiel learned not only be a player but to be man, a father, a mentor and a person.
August 8, 2017
Rick Ankiel was a star rookie pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals in 2000, when quite famously in the middle of a playoff game, he suddenly contracted a bout of wildness, and completely lost the ability to throw the ball to the catcher. The abusive and criminal shadow of his father had finally reared its ugly head, and led to a complete psychological breakdown that became fodder for the media and public for years to come. After several minor league stints and unsuccessful comeback attempts, Ankiel decided that his baseball career was over, washed up in his early 20s, until suddenly the Cardinals gave him another chance, as an outfielder, which yielded improbable but healing results. Much better than your average sports story, this book is like a baseball memoir crossed with “The Glass Castle,” with an utterly honest, searching voice still trying to comprehend inexplicable things, many years after "the monster" appeared.
February 7, 2023
The story is beautiful and I’m glad I read it. Of particular note is I got a much different view of Scott Boras from Rick’s perspective and newfound respect for Scott.
It’s a hard read emotionally at times, and anyone with strong trauma triggers probably should skip it.
It’s a hard read emotionally at times, and anyone with strong trauma triggers probably should skip it.
April 18, 2018
Decent book. I enjoyed the parts about The Yips. The baseball stuff was pretty cut and dry.
October 30, 2020
What Rick Ankiel did won't be done by another player for a long, long time. That he overcame such a rough home life makes his story that more remarkable.
This guy has led one hell of a life.
This guy has led one hell of a life.
June 14, 2021
“So what are you gonna do about it?”
WHAT IS THIS BOOK ABOUT?
- The Phenomenon is the story of how St. Louis Cardinals prodigy Rick Ankiel lost his once-in-a-generation ability to pitch - not due to injury or a bolt of lightning, but a mysterious anxiety condition widely known as “the Yips.” It came without warning, in the middle of a playoff game, with millions of people watching. And has never gone away.
- Yet the true test of Ankiel’s character came not on the mound, but in the long days and nights that followed as he searched for a way to get back in the game. For four and a half years, he fought the Yips with every arrow in his quiver: psychology, medication, deep-breathing exercises, self-help books, and eventually vodka. And then, after reconsidering his whole life and the age of twenty-five, Ankiel made an amazing turnaround: returning to the Major Leagues as a hitter and playing seven successful seasons.
- This book is an incredible story about a universal experience - pressure - and what happened when a person on the brink had to make a choice about who he was going to be.
WHAT ARE ‘THE YIPS?’
- They call it “the Thing” because there’s no diagnosis and no cure, and so they kick it around and try not to look at it and do not become so friendly as to actually give it a name because “anxiety disorder” is not the kind of phrase one slips into a baseball conversation.
- It’s a neurological disorder. Narrower? How about “focal dystonia,” in which one’s muscles contract involuntarily? Broader? The old-time golfers called it “the yips.” Older-time than that? “Whiskey fingers.” Yes, it is neurological. Unless it is psychological. Or physical. Or all of it, all balled up into one large sob.
- “The yips,” he said, “can be explained in both psychological and neuromuscular terms, and it’s extremely complicated. It’s very difficult to treat and very difficult to understand.… What it boils down to, a mistake is made, ultimate trust is eroded, pressure interferes with the lack of trust, and that compounds the problem. Now there’s anxiety, and a vicious cycle ensues.” Along come the obsessive thoughts, Dr. Oakley said, the failure, the pursuit of perfection now fouled by anxiety and more failure and more anxiety.
THERE IS NO CURE BUT SOME ARE ABLE TO GET THROUGH
- “First, know there is no cure. Anybody who tells you otherwise is being misleading.”
- There are stories of recovery. Steve Sax survived his battle with the yips. Jarrod Saltalamacchia, the big-league catcher, revealed he’d used a technique called “tapping,” clearing negative emotion by touching parts of his body with his fingers, to overcome a fear of throwing to the pitcher. Mackey Sasser left the game, lived in a trailer on a beach for long enough to ease the stress, then found peace and a reliable arm stroke while coaching college players. Even Steve Blass, long after he retired, found a method to relieve his throwing anxieties, if only for a few glorious days when he was fifty-five years old. Sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes it has to be.
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO HAVE THE YIPS?
- Four decades ago, Steve Blass told Roger Angell in the New Yorker of the moment he let go of the last pitch he ever believed in: “It was just one of the awfulest games and awfulest nights I’ve ever had in my life.… I knew there was something tragically, tragically wrong here. And I am lost here, and I do not have a clue what I’m doing. I wind up, and there’s kind of this freeze, and there’s no flow and no rhythm. I knew I shouldn’t be out there, but I didn’t want to quit. I wanted to keep going to be totally convinced that it wasn’t there.”
- Like I was standing on someone else’s legs. Throwing with someone else’s arm. Thinking with someone else’s brain.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?
- “When a person’s really distressed, they’re overwhelmed by that,” Dr. Oakley said. “Turn it on its head. Instead of curtailing that moment, bring it on. Experience that. Spend more time with it. “Most people, of course, don’t want to spend time with it. It’s not a pleasant thing. So what I do, and it goes along with treating anxiety disorders, I try prolonged exposure to it. You actually need more time with it, what my friend Ken Ravizza calls ‘getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.’”
IT DOES NOT HELP TO ASK “WHY ME?”
- In some ways, I told him, the Thing is not unlike cancer. A lot of people who get cancer did nothing to attract it. They are not flawed people. They did not abuse themselves. It’s not as though they stood too close to someone who already had cancer. So they, perhaps, can wonder why they were chosen, but they cannot blame themselves.
- And maybe there was a message in All the Pretty Horses for me—he wouldn’t really say—and maybe the message was that there was no message. Not everything had to mean something.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
- “It’s not your fault, remember,” he said. Harvey said that a lot.
VULNERABILITY IN SPORTS
- Men and women, boys and girls, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, the afflictions of doubt and fear and anxiety that come with the games touch them all, and for that Ravizza has adopted the chilling adage “You go and you stand naked before the gods.”
APPRECIATING THE MENTAL ASPECT
- Many teams resisted the notion that a player’s brain was at least as important as his brawn…Lots of people thought it was just stupid.
- He wanted to understand. What made the great great? What burdened the average? It wasn’t their strength. Or their speed. Or their coordination. It wasn’t even their effort. That appeared to leave one thing.
IT ALL BEGAN FOR ANKIEL DURING A PLAYOFF GAME
- The tally for the third inning: thirty-five pitches, two hits, two runs, four walks, five wild pitches, and, it turned out, one psyche forever hobbled.
- You know how many years it had been since someone had thrown five in a single inning? A hundred and ten. You know what the record was for wild pitches in a postseason career? A whole career? Six.
- [Steve Blass - another victim of the Yips - was watching the game Ankiel fell apart] “Oh, my God,” he said aloud to no one. “Oh, my God, I know. This is terrible. A terrible thing.”
ANKIEL’S DAD WAS A BASTARD
- She [Ankiel’s mom] did not call the cops. She never called the cops, because eventually they’d leave and she’d be alone and Dad would punish her for it, she just knew it.
- “I’m the reason you’re so good,” he said. “I got you here. You owe me.” I wrote him a check for, I think, $25,000. Called it a finder’s fee…They say you can’t put a price on that, on the relationship between a father and son, on the years a father spends turning his boy into a man and refraining from calling him “you fat fuck.” I did and called us even. The stroke of a pen. Thanks for everything.
LIVING A LIFE WITHOUT THOSE WHO ARE BAD FOR YOU
- I sat at a desk, wrote, “Dad,” indented the first paragraph, and proceeded to tell him I couldn’t—wouldn’t—talk to him anymore…I signed the letter at the bottom of the page, folded it into an envelope, and mailed it.
HE FOUND HIS REFUGE IN BASEBALL
- On a baseball field I was more refined. I was sure. I was safe. Try as they might, nobody could hurt me there. That was where I did the hurting.
- Sports drew me out of my own head, from my insecurities and fears, my suspicion that I was the person my dad must think I was, because otherwise why would he say that stuff to me? Why would he be so angry?
ANKIEL WAS A CONFIDENT GUY
- From the time I was old enough to recognize the difference between a good ballplayer and a better one, I knew in my heart I was the latter.
- I knew I’d make it. Absolutely knew it. But if by some force of humankind or nature I didn’t, hell, it would be satisfaction enough to have had a good time trying.
ONE THING AT A TIME
- The way to nine months of every single day was an hour at a time, a minute at a time even. Try not to look back. Definitely do not look forward, because the destination is tiny in the distance, and to chase that would be a reasonable path to exhaustion.
IDENTITY CRISIS
- I followed the best arm plenty of people had ever seen, and if it wasn’t the best, it was close enough, and that made me invincible. What was I without it?
THE THING HE USED TO LOVE BECAME A TORMENTOR
- Baseball had always made me feel special, and then, starting one afternoon, I didn’t ever want to think about it. Before, baseball was the light that drew me through the day, that pulled me out of bed in the morning and sang me to sleep. Now it haunted me. Taunted me.
“NOW WHAT?”
- “What are you doing?” he’d say. “What do you want to change? What are you doing to change it?”
HAVE A PLAN B (IT’S NOT STUPID IF IT WORKS)
- I was done with baseball. Me with it, it with me, and now all I had ahead of me was… I hadn’t the slightest idea.
- “Ank,” he said, “you ready to go play?” “Go play what? I’m done.” Wasn’t he listening? Wasn’t anybody? “Outfield. For the Cardinals. I talked to Walt.” Wait. What?…“You’re a big leaguer,” Scott said. “You can do this. They’ll start you on the minor-league side. You’ll work your way up. It’ll work. You’re good enough.”
- Damn, I’d just quit baseball. Three hours before, I’d said good-bye.
MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR EXPERIENCE
- I took a job with the Washington Nationals. They asked me to be their life skills coordinator, a vague title for a vague job. I guessed I’d be the guy who, no matter the problem, could look a player in the eye and say, “Yeah, been there,” and then, perhaps channeling Harvey, add, “So what are you gonna do about it?”
- I was a life skills coordinator, which is what they called a sports psychologist who doesn’t have a college degree but has seen plenty of time in the thick of it.
LOOK FOR THINGS THAT BRING YOU JOY, CLARITY
- Batting practice cleared my head.
- I slept that night, all the way through, and woke up dazed. After a minute or two, first spent wondering why I was so rested, it occurred to me that I was an outfielder today, as of right then, and that I didn’t have to pitch today, or tomorrow, or ever again, and it was so crazy and wonderful it might work.
TRY
- Trying was the only way to find out. Trying required courage. Trying meant allowing for failure. Trying was hard and lonely. So yeah, I recommended trying.
- But I could do this. I could throw this one pitch and live with the result. If the people laughed, they laughed. If they cheered, I’d be good with that too. If the ball hit the backstop, hey, somebody would just go pick it up.
ANKIEL COMES FULL CIRCLE
- That mound and me. That backstop and me. That game. That pitch. And look at me now.
- And the conversation began about my arm again, and whether it was the best outfield arm in the league, and I couldn’t help but smile at such a thing. This was the same arm that had almost run me from the league…I didn’t worry about where the ball would go, because I trusted it.
*** *** *** *** ***
FACTOIDS
- Babe Ruth, of course, I knew about, he having been a pitcher for five notable years and a twenty-game winner for a couple of them and otherwise about the best hitter ever. As a Cardinal, I’d heard Stan Musial had started as a pitcher before becoming an outfielder, a Hall of Famer, and a legend in St. Louis. Other than that, the examples of men who’d walked off the mound and into the batter’s box with any sort of success were rare.
HAHA
- “Rick, you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic?” “An asshole wrapped in plastic,” I said. “Uh, no, I haven’t.” Icky was laughing so hard he barely got to the punch line. “Take a look at your driver’s license.”
BONUS
- What is ‘focal dystonia’?: https://youtu.be/_Q_UOyi0BUk
- Steve Sax talks about how he overcame the yips: https://youtu.be/E86fhY7Uqfs
- What is a ‘clubbie’?: https://www.thebaseballjournal.com/cl...
- What is Tommy John surgery?: https://youtu.be/6u0umafLue0
- Ankiel homers in his debut game as an outfielder: https://youtu.be/tcWO0eBjh6Y
- Ankiel uses impressive arm in incredible plays (both in the same game): https://youtu.be/0cSgDflCF98
- Ankiel homers as a Brave in the playoffs: https://youtu.be/avCrr5vl-tE
WHAT IS THIS BOOK ABOUT?
- The Phenomenon is the story of how St. Louis Cardinals prodigy Rick Ankiel lost his once-in-a-generation ability to pitch - not due to injury or a bolt of lightning, but a mysterious anxiety condition widely known as “the Yips.” It came without warning, in the middle of a playoff game, with millions of people watching. And has never gone away.
- Yet the true test of Ankiel’s character came not on the mound, but in the long days and nights that followed as he searched for a way to get back in the game. For four and a half years, he fought the Yips with every arrow in his quiver: psychology, medication, deep-breathing exercises, self-help books, and eventually vodka. And then, after reconsidering his whole life and the age of twenty-five, Ankiel made an amazing turnaround: returning to the Major Leagues as a hitter and playing seven successful seasons.
- This book is an incredible story about a universal experience - pressure - and what happened when a person on the brink had to make a choice about who he was going to be.
WHAT ARE ‘THE YIPS?’
- They call it “the Thing” because there’s no diagnosis and no cure, and so they kick it around and try not to look at it and do not become so friendly as to actually give it a name because “anxiety disorder” is not the kind of phrase one slips into a baseball conversation.
- It’s a neurological disorder. Narrower? How about “focal dystonia,” in which one’s muscles contract involuntarily? Broader? The old-time golfers called it “the yips.” Older-time than that? “Whiskey fingers.” Yes, it is neurological. Unless it is psychological. Or physical. Or all of it, all balled up into one large sob.
- “The yips,” he said, “can be explained in both psychological and neuromuscular terms, and it’s extremely complicated. It’s very difficult to treat and very difficult to understand.… What it boils down to, a mistake is made, ultimate trust is eroded, pressure interferes with the lack of trust, and that compounds the problem. Now there’s anxiety, and a vicious cycle ensues.” Along come the obsessive thoughts, Dr. Oakley said, the failure, the pursuit of perfection now fouled by anxiety and more failure and more anxiety.
THERE IS NO CURE BUT SOME ARE ABLE TO GET THROUGH
- “First, know there is no cure. Anybody who tells you otherwise is being misleading.”
- There are stories of recovery. Steve Sax survived his battle with the yips. Jarrod Saltalamacchia, the big-league catcher, revealed he’d used a technique called “tapping,” clearing negative emotion by touching parts of his body with his fingers, to overcome a fear of throwing to the pitcher. Mackey Sasser left the game, lived in a trailer on a beach for long enough to ease the stress, then found peace and a reliable arm stroke while coaching college players. Even Steve Blass, long after he retired, found a method to relieve his throwing anxieties, if only for a few glorious days when he was fifty-five years old. Sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes it has to be.
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO HAVE THE YIPS?
- Four decades ago, Steve Blass told Roger Angell in the New Yorker of the moment he let go of the last pitch he ever believed in: “It was just one of the awfulest games and awfulest nights I’ve ever had in my life.… I knew there was something tragically, tragically wrong here. And I am lost here, and I do not have a clue what I’m doing. I wind up, and there’s kind of this freeze, and there’s no flow and no rhythm. I knew I shouldn’t be out there, but I didn’t want to quit. I wanted to keep going to be totally convinced that it wasn’t there.”
- Like I was standing on someone else’s legs. Throwing with someone else’s arm. Thinking with someone else’s brain.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?
- “When a person’s really distressed, they’re overwhelmed by that,” Dr. Oakley said. “Turn it on its head. Instead of curtailing that moment, bring it on. Experience that. Spend more time with it. “Most people, of course, don’t want to spend time with it. It’s not a pleasant thing. So what I do, and it goes along with treating anxiety disorders, I try prolonged exposure to it. You actually need more time with it, what my friend Ken Ravizza calls ‘getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.’”
IT DOES NOT HELP TO ASK “WHY ME?”
- In some ways, I told him, the Thing is not unlike cancer. A lot of people who get cancer did nothing to attract it. They are not flawed people. They did not abuse themselves. It’s not as though they stood too close to someone who already had cancer. So they, perhaps, can wonder why they were chosen, but they cannot blame themselves.
- And maybe there was a message in All the Pretty Horses for me—he wouldn’t really say—and maybe the message was that there was no message. Not everything had to mean something.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
- “It’s not your fault, remember,” he said. Harvey said that a lot.
VULNERABILITY IN SPORTS
- Men and women, boys and girls, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, the afflictions of doubt and fear and anxiety that come with the games touch them all, and for that Ravizza has adopted the chilling adage “You go and you stand naked before the gods.”
APPRECIATING THE MENTAL ASPECT
- Many teams resisted the notion that a player’s brain was at least as important as his brawn…Lots of people thought it was just stupid.
- He wanted to understand. What made the great great? What burdened the average? It wasn’t their strength. Or their speed. Or their coordination. It wasn’t even their effort. That appeared to leave one thing.
IT ALL BEGAN FOR ANKIEL DURING A PLAYOFF GAME
- The tally for the third inning: thirty-five pitches, two hits, two runs, four walks, five wild pitches, and, it turned out, one psyche forever hobbled.
- You know how many years it had been since someone had thrown five in a single inning? A hundred and ten. You know what the record was for wild pitches in a postseason career? A whole career? Six.
- [Steve Blass - another victim of the Yips - was watching the game Ankiel fell apart] “Oh, my God,” he said aloud to no one. “Oh, my God, I know. This is terrible. A terrible thing.”
ANKIEL’S DAD WAS A BASTARD
- She [Ankiel’s mom] did not call the cops. She never called the cops, because eventually they’d leave and she’d be alone and Dad would punish her for it, she just knew it.
- “I’m the reason you’re so good,” he said. “I got you here. You owe me.” I wrote him a check for, I think, $25,000. Called it a finder’s fee…They say you can’t put a price on that, on the relationship between a father and son, on the years a father spends turning his boy into a man and refraining from calling him “you fat fuck.” I did and called us even. The stroke of a pen. Thanks for everything.
LIVING A LIFE WITHOUT THOSE WHO ARE BAD FOR YOU
- I sat at a desk, wrote, “Dad,” indented the first paragraph, and proceeded to tell him I couldn’t—wouldn’t—talk to him anymore…I signed the letter at the bottom of the page, folded it into an envelope, and mailed it.
HE FOUND HIS REFUGE IN BASEBALL
- On a baseball field I was more refined. I was sure. I was safe. Try as they might, nobody could hurt me there. That was where I did the hurting.
- Sports drew me out of my own head, from my insecurities and fears, my suspicion that I was the person my dad must think I was, because otherwise why would he say that stuff to me? Why would he be so angry?
ANKIEL WAS A CONFIDENT GUY
- From the time I was old enough to recognize the difference between a good ballplayer and a better one, I knew in my heart I was the latter.
- I knew I’d make it. Absolutely knew it. But if by some force of humankind or nature I didn’t, hell, it would be satisfaction enough to have had a good time trying.
ONE THING AT A TIME
- The way to nine months of every single day was an hour at a time, a minute at a time even. Try not to look back. Definitely do not look forward, because the destination is tiny in the distance, and to chase that would be a reasonable path to exhaustion.
IDENTITY CRISIS
- I followed the best arm plenty of people had ever seen, and if it wasn’t the best, it was close enough, and that made me invincible. What was I without it?
THE THING HE USED TO LOVE BECAME A TORMENTOR
- Baseball had always made me feel special, and then, starting one afternoon, I didn’t ever want to think about it. Before, baseball was the light that drew me through the day, that pulled me out of bed in the morning and sang me to sleep. Now it haunted me. Taunted me.
“NOW WHAT?”
- “What are you doing?” he’d say. “What do you want to change? What are you doing to change it?”
HAVE A PLAN B (IT’S NOT STUPID IF IT WORKS)
- I was done with baseball. Me with it, it with me, and now all I had ahead of me was… I hadn’t the slightest idea.
- “Ank,” he said, “you ready to go play?” “Go play what? I’m done.” Wasn’t he listening? Wasn’t anybody? “Outfield. For the Cardinals. I talked to Walt.” Wait. What?…“You’re a big leaguer,” Scott said. “You can do this. They’ll start you on the minor-league side. You’ll work your way up. It’ll work. You’re good enough.”
- Damn, I’d just quit baseball. Three hours before, I’d said good-bye.
MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR EXPERIENCE
- I took a job with the Washington Nationals. They asked me to be their life skills coordinator, a vague title for a vague job. I guessed I’d be the guy who, no matter the problem, could look a player in the eye and say, “Yeah, been there,” and then, perhaps channeling Harvey, add, “So what are you gonna do about it?”
- I was a life skills coordinator, which is what they called a sports psychologist who doesn’t have a college degree but has seen plenty of time in the thick of it.
LOOK FOR THINGS THAT BRING YOU JOY, CLARITY
- Batting practice cleared my head.
- I slept that night, all the way through, and woke up dazed. After a minute or two, first spent wondering why I was so rested, it occurred to me that I was an outfielder today, as of right then, and that I didn’t have to pitch today, or tomorrow, or ever again, and it was so crazy and wonderful it might work.
TRY
- Trying was the only way to find out. Trying required courage. Trying meant allowing for failure. Trying was hard and lonely. So yeah, I recommended trying.
- But I could do this. I could throw this one pitch and live with the result. If the people laughed, they laughed. If they cheered, I’d be good with that too. If the ball hit the backstop, hey, somebody would just go pick it up.
ANKIEL COMES FULL CIRCLE
- That mound and me. That backstop and me. That game. That pitch. And look at me now.
- And the conversation began about my arm again, and whether it was the best outfield arm in the league, and I couldn’t help but smile at such a thing. This was the same arm that had almost run me from the league…I didn’t worry about where the ball would go, because I trusted it.
*** *** *** *** ***
FACTOIDS
- Babe Ruth, of course, I knew about, he having been a pitcher for five notable years and a twenty-game winner for a couple of them and otherwise about the best hitter ever. As a Cardinal, I’d heard Stan Musial had started as a pitcher before becoming an outfielder, a Hall of Famer, and a legend in St. Louis. Other than that, the examples of men who’d walked off the mound and into the batter’s box with any sort of success were rare.
HAHA
- “Rick, you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic?” “An asshole wrapped in plastic,” I said. “Uh, no, I haven’t.” Icky was laughing so hard he barely got to the punch line. “Take a look at your driver’s license.”
BONUS
- What is ‘focal dystonia’?: https://youtu.be/_Q_UOyi0BUk
- Steve Sax talks about how he overcame the yips: https://youtu.be/E86fhY7Uqfs
- What is a ‘clubbie’?: https://www.thebaseballjournal.com/cl...
- What is Tommy John surgery?: https://youtu.be/6u0umafLue0
- Ankiel homers in his debut game as an outfielder: https://youtu.be/tcWO0eBjh6Y
- Ankiel uses impressive arm in incredible plays (both in the same game): https://youtu.be/0cSgDflCF98
- Ankiel homers as a Brave in the playoffs: https://youtu.be/avCrr5vl-tE
December 9, 2021
Wanted to like this book since the author briefly played for my favorite baseball team, and I rooted for his comeback, but I just found it too negative, even when he was discussing his comeback. I don’t want to dog a guy’s own story, and he certainly had a lot to overcome, but even his return didn’t seem all that uplifting. I was hoping to read more about his making the transition from pitcher to outfielder, and the progress en route, but much more was about his psychological recovery (improvement?) from his sudden inability to pitch. Glad he made it all the way back, though, and hope his baseball afterlife is as fruitful as he’d like.
November 5, 2018
Just in case you don't know who Rick Ankiel is, or the potential he had, when you pick up this book, you can tell he was a phenomenon - it's literally written all over his face.
His story is a sad one. Unfortunately, Tim Brown just gives us the surface details for the most part, and so much of the text is taken up with telling us over and over again that his father was bad, that the yips are The Thing, that he was anxious and afraid and trying to outrun it. We're told much but shown precious little by way of depth of insight. When we're told he feels bad, we're not able to share those feelings, to truly understand them, with what scant information we're given.
Also, not sure if this is on Brown, but in reading this, I was given the impression that Ankiel is slightly self-centered and kinda looked down on others. It's subtle, but it's there. And it doesn't help that the text is centered on him almost exclusively, with everyone else on the periphery of how they interacted with him. Fleshing out some of the other people in the story (starting with his father) wouldn't have been a bad idea.
On the other hand, the book is not terrible, the prose is smooth enough and it's a relatively quick read. I did appreciate Ankiel's candidness regarding taking drugs, including HGH. I was always cheering for him, though I know it didn't quite work out, even though he bravely came back as an outfielder to try to salvage his career.
It sounds like he's in a better place in his life now, and that's good, but I didn't feel quite as good about it after reading the last page as I probably should have.
His story is a sad one. Unfortunately, Tim Brown just gives us the surface details for the most part, and so much of the text is taken up with telling us over and over again that his father was bad, that the yips are The Thing, that he was anxious and afraid and trying to outrun it. We're told much but shown precious little by way of depth of insight. When we're told he feels bad, we're not able to share those feelings, to truly understand them, with what scant information we're given.
Also, not sure if this is on Brown, but in reading this, I was given the impression that Ankiel is slightly self-centered and kinda looked down on others. It's subtle, but it's there. And it doesn't help that the text is centered on him almost exclusively, with everyone else on the periphery of how they interacted with him. Fleshing out some of the other people in the story (starting with his father) wouldn't have been a bad idea.
On the other hand, the book is not terrible, the prose is smooth enough and it's a relatively quick read. I did appreciate Ankiel's candidness regarding taking drugs, including HGH. I was always cheering for him, though I know it didn't quite work out, even though he bravely came back as an outfielder to try to salvage his career.
It sounds like he's in a better place in his life now, and that's good, but I didn't feel quite as good about it after reading the last page as I probably should have.
April 28, 2017
One of the most honest and heartfelt baseball memoirs I have ever read. Ankiel, who famously imploded on the mound in a playoff game at the age of 21 due to a case of "the yips", peels back the layers of his life and exposes a childhood filled with pain and instability, and allows his readers a window into his mind as he struggled with a psychological condition that took away his livelihood, and his comeback as an outfielder with a golden arm. There are many many baseball books that glide over the human aspects of players, their struggles and insecurities and fears, but in The Phenomenon, Ankiel opens up not only his life, but his psyche. This is a genuinely remarkable book, and has much to teach everyone about the value (and pitfalls) of introspection and perseverance.
June 8, 2017
I was so excited about this book that I pre-ordered the hardcover. I mean, who wasn't mesmerized by the hot pitching prospect who suddenly couldn't throw a strike? (even if he was a Cardinal) And co-written by Tim Brown? Sign me up. But sigh ... I was disappointed. It just seemed like nobody ever sat down and made an outline for the book. It bounced around a lot and seemed to assume the reader knew a lot about what had happened already that made it feel disjointed. I think it would have been better if Tim Brown had just written it ... sorry Rick ...
June 28, 2017
I loved reading Rick's story. As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I new the basics but not the specifics of his journey. Many times during the read I just kept thinking I cannot even imagine. I cannot imagine playing a sport in front of so many people. I cannot imagine being a pitcher pitching in front of so many people when you know people are just waiting on you, analyzing you. I cannot imagine not being able to pitch, trying to fight thru the struggles and emerging as an awesome outfielder. I feel privileged to have been able to read this book.
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