My Dad Wrote a Porno: The fully annotated edition of Rocky Flintstone's Belinda Blinked

by Jamie Morton, James Cooper, Alice Levine

The fully annotated, fully filthy, fully hilarious book from the Number 1 podcast sensation My Dad Wrote a Porno

Belinda blinked, it wasn't a dream, the job interviewer had just asked her to remove her jacket and silk blouse...

So begins Belinda Blinked, Rocky Flintstone's now-legendary porno (sorry, erotic novel), and so began My Dad Wrote a Porno, the outrageously funny podcast begun by Rocky's son and two friends and now adored by legions of fans, having been downloaded over three million times.

Now the steamy book that became a podcast sensation is a book again: the ultimate annotated edition of Belinda Blinked, with all the original text, all the podcast team's baffled, delighted and disgusted commentary, and huge amounts of new material, including

- character profiles
- analysis of the themes and motifs of the novel
- Belinda's top ten sales tips
- a detailed look at the ins and outs of the pots and pans industry
- a quiz
- illustrations: how exactly do you grab someone's cervix?
- Rocky's own response to his new-found fame.

All that, plus of course the pleasure of holding the real text of Belinda Blinked in your hands; relive the initial interview, the tombola, the fundraising party for the Asses and Donkeys Trust, and so much more. My Dad Wrote a Porno: the book is the funniest, naughtiest, strangest book of a podcast of a book you'll ever read.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Erotica, Comedy, Audiobook, Book Club, Romance

223 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2016

Reviews

[Rocky Flintstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love the podcast, you'll love this book... It's here I get the chance to develop some of the more unusual comments I make in Belinda Blinked 1

[Malia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is perfect for fans of the podcast, and it made me laugh out loud at the ridiculousness. Definitely a good way to distract yourself from the craziness in the world today;-)

Find more reviews and bookish fun at http://www.princessandpen.com

[Bookteafull (Danny) · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no way in literal hell that I'm going to write a legit review for this book. There's just no fucking way.

The podcast for My Dad Wrote a Porno? A+

The physical book? Funny for the first few chapters and then it just got repetitive. Wow. Belinda came. Again. WOw. Belinda is covered in mud and cum. Again. WOooOOw. Belinda possibly got herself sexually tied to a demon. Okay - fine - that's actually amusing to read. But at what cost?

The moment I was subjected to Belinda eating a turkey sandwich sexily was when I decided I was no longer going to rate this novel as high as a three. Hell, it was the exact same moment I contemplated calling up the principle of the Catholic school I got kicked out of and apologizing for all my sins. Because clearly I've displeased a higher being what with my being guilted into reading this for my booktube channel. Yall just like to watch me suffer.


I hate my life.


Poor grammar.
Shit decision making (on both mine and Belinda's part).
This is pure erotica so obviously there's no plot and the fact that I've had to state that three times now makes my want to laugh and cry.
Character growth??? More like penis growth.

I'm done.

If you want to see Petal and I provide commentary while reading aloud this lemon-y tale (yes. homage to fanfiction.net tags) then click on the link listed in my bio. Or dont. Please don't.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

This defies star ratings. If you're looking for something to cheer you up since 2016 has been a political nightmare (Trump, Brexit, Bowie...sob), then do yourself a favour and listen to the podcast of this magnificent book. Simultaneously some of the most eye-wateringly bad yet hilarious smut you'll find. All I can say is bless the Internet for enabling such works of art to be brought to wider attention.

[Sophie T-K · Rating 5 out of 5]

Started a new job and was just getting to know my new team when a sweet, well spoken colleague recommended the “My Dad Wrote a Porno” podcast...
She did give me a few spoilers (red handcuffs/ maze/ lids) but made me promise to listen. 2 series later I still look like a lunatic on my daily commute, hysterically laughing by myself in the car.

[Mindfully Evie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Belinka 4 life

[Samantha Kilford · Rating 4 out of 5]

Started listening to the podcast as background noise while I revise for A-Levels, but it's so hilarious that I had to pause my studying because I was in fits of laughter. Since then I have become obsessed with the so-bad-it's-actually-quite-amusing story of Belinda and the rough and tough business world of pots and pans. The physical edition makes an excellent companion to the podcast and does include lots of new tidbits. Please, I cannot urge you enough to listen to the podcast! It's comedy gold!

[Patrick Dewind · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is not often things make me laugh out loud. The annotations did.

[Stephen Bateman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rocky Flintstone's Belinda Blinked is to erotic fiction, as Tommy Wiseau's The Room is to dramatic cinema. It's so terrible that it becomes pure genius. The annotations by the presenters of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast turn the cringe worthy into a laugh out loud treat.

[Eviryz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have listened to the podcast. I’m currently listening to the third season. I have done the mistake and listen while I’m at work. But then on the other hand, all my coworkers are also listening to the pod.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

So funny! Ok, so the pod is better and this is basically the pod in writing but still super funny!

[Stephanie Coughlan]

I simultaneously want to give this book 1 and 5 stars, so we’ll go with none 😆

[Marcelina Osada-Finn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Magical, just like the podcast 😂

[Ada · Rating 5 out of 5]

***Zaterdag 21 oktober 2022 | podcast***
✨5 - Utter garbage and I love everything about it
Did not realise I needed this right now in my life but the REMASTERED editions showed me I did.

***Zaterdag 21 oktober 2022***
That last sentence!

***woensdag 19 oktober 2022***
I thought I got the paperback version of this one but apparently Past-Me didn't want to double dip...

***25 juni 2017 | update after finishing the annotated book***
I LAUGHED SO HARD!

I was a bit afraid that because I listen to the podcast that the book would not contain anything new. And maybe some things overlap but I had just as much fun reading the story with all the comments scribbled in.

I couldn't read it in one sitting because it's not that kind of book. Too much and I would stop enjoying myself.

Also reading it out loud to someone else really makes it better! Who knew..

***20 juli 2016 | first time 'reading'***
I'm listening to the podcast 'My Dad Wrote a Porno'.

It's AMAH-ZING!

Really, I found a reviewer who said it better: Meghan Wright's review

This is one of those books that isn't written as a comedy/parody but certainly feels likes one.

Also this is one of books that I rate solely on how much I enjoyed them.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I mean, a book like this is somewhat difficult to rate, isn't it? Because as much as I love the spectacle of this whole phenomenon, there are some obvious flaws within the source material. But, then again, pointing that out is sort of the main point of this book in the first place, so why would I?

Basically, you can't really judge this as a book or a piece of literature as such. You have to see it as an experience more than anything else. And, yeah — I enjoyed it. It's a fantastical and sometimes horrifying journey that will leave you confused and concerned for all parties involved. But it is a great deal of fun, I can't deny that.

I also loved the extra notes, answers from Rocky, and random facts at the end of each chapter. The only downside, I guess, is that many of the comments are lifted straight from the podcast, sometimes word for word, to the point where it got a little bit boring. But that's a minor complaint in the grand scheme of things. It was truly enjoyable!

[Terri Loeffler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't even know what to say about this book. Jamie Morton's retired father (pen name: Rocky Flintstone) decided to write a pornographic novel (Belinda Blinked I), and it was, well, interesting. Jamie & two of his friends started a podcast where they would read a chapter and then "analyze" it. This is the novel, with all of the youngish folks' notes, comments, historical background, and even a drinking game. Yes, it's nasty, but so funny (and so very bad) that you don't even recognize it as nasty. I laughed myself silly over the Reading Group Discussion Questions and Activities at the end of each chapter!

[Kyus Beaufort · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious. I've listened to these podcasts from beginning to end at least 20 times so I wasn't sure whether the book was a worthwhile buy. It absolutely was. All of the little side notes and anecdotes were eyewateringly funny and yes, some of them were taken from the podcast, but most of them weren't. Rocky's actual text is quite hard to follow as the sentences tend to run on and his grasp of grammar isn't the best, which adds to the hilarity. It's a shame the show is over, but at least I have this book to put on my shelf and display proudly to all my guests!

[Rebecca Travers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the podcast, I loved the book. I honestly want to read and listen again, immediately.

[Sierra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the best thing ever written; the podcast is a must-listen.

[Jacob Kolody · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basically like reading the podcast, which I should’ve expected. I found the addition of Rocky Flintstone’s notes and the reading club discussion topics to be hilarious.

[Hayley · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you listen to the podcast, then a lot of the jokes in here are the same ones you’ve heard, but there was still some fun extras. I enjoyed the additions made by Rocky the most.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Came here from the podcast. Wasn’t disappointed. Enjoyed the additional commentary and the drinking game rules.
Keep em coming Rocky !!

[Jeremy Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imagine, if you dare, your retired elderly father shows you a manuscript that he's been working on. As you start to read it, you realize that your father is showing you a piece of erotic fiction. Erotic fiction is written by a man with, at best, a loose grip on human sexuality, anatomy and, really, the nature of reality in general.
As your eyes scan the pages and your mind congers up images that you will never be able to unsee, what do you do? Do you politely compliment him on his creativity and immediately schedule a therapy session? Do you and your mother start looking into nursing homes? Do you very calmly, like a man shooting his rabid dog, take the paper out back and set it on fire?

Or do you, as Jamie Morton does, gather your friends together and read this confusing smut out loud while your best friends mock it and, by extension you, mercilessly and then release it on the world.
Spoiler alert, Morton did the latter.

My Dad Wrote a Porno takes the world-famous podcast about a book and returns it into book form. Besides the literary gold that is Belinda Blinked #1, you get to enjoy Morton, James Cooper, and Alice Levine's running commentary. The book is presented as a reading textbook in the worlds most confusingly depraved classroom. Warning. If you tend to read in public, as I do, you will start uncontrollably laughing and other people will as you why and you will find yourself in an incredibly awkward position.

1. Rocky Flintstone is My Writing Hero:
The part I love most about My Dad Wrote a Porno and, indeed, the entire Balinda Blinked series is the fact that Rocky Finstone is fearless. Like, to a frankly worrying degree. Deep down in my writerly soul, there is a scared, insecure voice that constantly chirps at me, "What's wrong with you? Do you think you are so smart that EVERYONE should read the horseshit you dare commit to paper?

"You are not that smart. And, soon, everyone will know it."

"You think you are good enough to write books? You're barely good enough to write a sign that says 'Will Work 4 Fod' which is what you will end up doing if you keep this horseshit up.

Rocky doesn't appear to have that voice. I both envy him and love him for it.

2. It should be noted that Rocky Flinstone is as crazy as a shithouse ape:

"His cock started to ejaculate semen which he quickly caught in his hands. He then covered her hair with it, twisting it all into a ponytail, Belinda's long black hair mixed with translucent sperm.. the most powerful sexual symbol he knew."


I think I have made my point.

3. But The Fear is Universal:
Best selling authors that are hugely successful and that I love with all the hearty-hearts my heart can heart sometimes admit that they live in fear that they are one misstep away from total failure. It's like they believe that they've pulled some elaborate scam trying to convince the world that they are actually awesome writers and they are perpetually one shitty sentence away from shattering that facade and being exposed as the idiotic boobs that they really are.

I feel like it's just the nature of the thing. Writing and publishing involve overcoming a lot of Fear. Fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of humiliation, fear of being seen as less than, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of fear, fear of waking up in your high school gym naked while the entire class laughs at my tiny dingus.... so I've heard.

ANYHOO!

The point is. It's not something that goes away. It's always there. It's like a tiny imp that nests right in your medulla oblongata and cuts little bits of psyche for its lunch.

4. Keep in mind, his child and his friends mock him mercilessly:
In most realities, Rocky Flinstone is just another drop in a sea of absolute insanity that is modern self-publishing. But, as fate would have it, Morton and his friends picked it up and, to their credit, saw an opportunity.

My Dad Wrote A Porno is basically Morton and his friends laughing hysterically at what, one can only assume, he thought was good writing. I don't think many writers actively try to write something bad. From everything I've heard and read about the man, he believes in his talents. Again, to a frankly worrying degree. Which would explain why he felt compelled to hand his son this bizarre pile of smut in the first place.

Which, again, ties back to my 'Shithouse Ape' theory.

5. But is it really bad?
How does one measure success as a writer? For me it is simple. Do a lot of people want to read your shit? Do they enjoy it? Do they come back for more?

Welp, congratulations you are successful. Here's your trophy.

And this shit. It sold out the fucking Sydney Oprah House. I am not entirely sure that J. K. Rowling could do that. I'm not saying Rocky Flintstone is better than J. K. Rowling... but... just sayin...

6. So, let me say it again, Rocky is My Hero:
So there is something... liberating about watching a person charge out into the fray, stark bolloks naked, waps and wangs flopping in the breeze with nary a fuck to be had nor given. Especially when the writing is as objectively bad as Rocky's. It's like watching that nude crusader riding headlong into an entire army sword and wang up for battle.

I feel like I am sitting on the battlements watching with slack-jawed amazement. A single tear rolls down my eye and I salute muttering, "Ride on, you beautiful crazy bastard!


7. Because, again, this is some seriously fucked prose:

"The Duchess stood up and stretched her cramped body. Her nipples hardened with her feeling of freedom and they were now as large as the three inch rivets which had held the hull of the fateful Titanic together."

Nuff Said. Also... three inch?

8. I feel like I should comment on the plot but...
The story follows Belinda Blumenthal the newly hired sales director at Steels Pots and Pans. On her quest to make Steels the foremost pots and pans producer in the world (if such a thing fucking exists) her and her clitoris -which is a character in its own right- must run the gantlet of office politics, micropeni, horny royalty and youngish voyeurs in order to...
...

To be honest, I really don't know.

It is meant to be erotica and, as I understand the genre, plot is, at best, secondary. But that being said...

9. The Opposite of Sex:
....This is the most unerotic erotica that I have ever seen. I am hardly a connoisseur of the genre, although I would be lying if I didn't admit to using my Kindle Direct subscription to occasionally satisfy my morbid curiosity.

And, for the record, Rocky Flinstone is not the worst erotica writer in the world. But if the purpose of the Belinda Blinked series is to titillate and arouse than this is nowhere close. I can't imagine the collection of fetishes one would need to carry in order to find Rocky's writing erotic and I really don't want to.

Although, presumably, Rocky wrote this because he finds it erotic which goes back to my 'Crazier Than A Shithouse Ape' hypothesis.

But gods help me I have laughed so hard that people on either side of me at the bar start giving me the kind of space one would give to a crazy person. So maybe I'm not as far away from Rocky's mental state as I would care to assume.

10. Words of.... let's call it wisdom.
This from the book's protagonist, Belinda Blumenthal:

"When you get what you want, you feel great!"

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is wild. I loved all the editorial comments, particularly about dangling commas, semicolons and backwards quotation marks. It's not long but it's almost too long because it was a lot of same-same after a while, even down to descriptions of mud, handcuffs and equestrian clothing. But love the pointing out of characters' names who change, clothing choices ("why is his thong stained!?") and the very obvious weirdness of Belinda working for a pots-and-pans company. (I thought it was a euphemism at first! LOL)

It would be interesting to give a listen to the podcast! Although I likely won't be reading Belinda Blinked 2-5.

[Aki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, ich hab das Buch nicht gelesen, sondern den Podcast gehört...vlt hole ich mir das Buch noch.

[Hannah stressedreader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely love this podcast it has me in stitches! The book is a great addition but not too sure its enjoyable on its own...

[Kathryn Wardle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The podcast is obviously better but it’s been a few years since I listened to it and so this was a v funny reminder of exactly how ridiculous this book is

[JR_❤️_books · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just... ROFLMGO!!!

These guys have managed to transform utter rubbish into a laughable erotic novel. And heavens know how much we are in need of a laugh these days.

When are we going to get a new podcast, I wonder.

[Jordyn Harvey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A masterpiece;

[Mark Doherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was like reliving the podcast! A great book with lots of extras for Belinda Blinked fans! I could actually hear Jamie, James and Alice in my head when reading the annotations!