Notes on Revelation
1) The English version, I mean the UK version, has an introduction by Will Self. The US version has an introduction by Kathleen Norris. Will Self probably wrote an interesting introduction, Kathleen Norris on the other hand wrote some liberal apologist dribble, telling 'the poets' to take back this loving book from the hands of fundamentalists. Sadly Kathleen Norris is going to be burning in hell for her view of Revelations,
"And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book." (22:9).
In other words you can't just take the good and leave the bad, for that your own book of life is going to be messed with by the big G, and you'll burn in a lake of fire. It's ok though, you'll be joined by Jenkins and Lahaye, co-authors of the Left Behind series, who have also done a number of cherry picking from this book.
This is one of the little pleasures of life, finding literal bible passages that send people who make their living off of religion to burn for eternity. It makes that really slim chance that there is an afterlife, and that I will be spending it burning in hell for my views seem worth it; to see those self-righteous fucks be tortured for eternity.
2) By this book, all of those evangelical nit-wits who feel the need to burden others with their 'joy' and try to get you to share in the 'joy' with them by taking JC into your heart should just stop what they are doing. Good for you, you're saved, your name is in the book of life, mine isn't, now leave me alone nothing can possibly change:
"and they that dwell on the earth shall wonder, whose names were not written in the book of life from the foundation of the world, when they behold the beast that was, and is not, and yet is." (17:8).
Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it sounds like pretty hard determinism to me, you're name is in the book at the start of the world or it's not, if it's not then you are going to be down with the beast, and thus burn forever. (This does not logically effect point number 1, my name is not in the book of life, so please stop bothering me, but just because your name is in the book of life there are still lots of things that can get your name taken out, the big ones being changing the word of G for your own purposes).
3) "And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, 'Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird." (18:2)
Birds are evil, it says so right there, but not all of them, some of them:
"And I saw an angel standing in the sun; and he cried with a loud voice, saying to all the fowls that fly in the midst of heaven, 'Come and gather yourselves together unto the supper of the great God; that ye may eat the flesh of kings, and the flesh of captains, and the flesh of mighty men, and the flesh of horses, and of them that sit on them, and the flesh of all men, both free and bond, both small and great.'... And the remnant were slain with the sword of him that sat upon the horse*, which sword proceeded out of his mouth**; and all the fowls were filled with their flesh." (19:17-21)
4) Heaven. This seems to involve (pre-end of the world at least), a lot of sitting around God while four beasts continuously sing praise to him. Each time the beasts get to the end of their praise everyone kneels down and praises God, and then the beasts start again. FOREVER!! This is some Beckett / Sisyphus absurdist nightmare.
The silliness of the praising continues throughout the book, God is praised after awful things he sends down on to the world, and his omnipotence is praised, I get maybe being marveled the first time he does some of his crazy Dungeon Master shit, but after awhile it's got to get old. For example, you're hanging out with some guy who can shoot a basketball from full court and make the shot every time. The first time you see it, you'll probably think that is pretty amazing, and maybe the next ten times you'll think it's still pretty awesome, but then he tells you that it's physically impossible for him to miss and he keeps showing you how he can make the shot. After awhile you just aren't impressed anymore.
It would be like being impressed because I can beat up a five year old.
Of course I can, I'm God like in my size and strength compared to a five year old. If anything you'd look at me like I was some kind of deranged lunatic, especially if while I was doing it I was expecting everyone to praise me for how great I was at kicking this kids ass.
Now, assume that for some reason this little shit of a five year old really needed to have his ass kicked by me. I don't know why, but assume it. He needs to be knocked unconscious. He's little, I'm big, I could probably hit him once and knock him out; but instead I torture him. I break his little fingers, I burn him with things, I hang him out in the sun with nothing to drink for a couple of days while making sure he stays conscious by shocking him with electricity every few seconds, and then I bring him back in, give him bad water to drink, burn him some more, until finally after doing this shit to him for awhile I fill the bathtub up with gasoline throw him in it and then light it on fire. After each added cruelty am I deserving of praise, and deserve to be told that I am just? Just asking.
5) I have no idea what to rate this book. It's not a nice book. It's a sadistic fantasy about getting back at ones enemies. It does sum up nicely the persecution fantasies of the religious right in this country though, if you can't paint yourself as a martyr then none of the totally awesome death and destruction of Revelation can be brought down upon your enemies.
I was going to give this three stars, but then I saw that everyone who rated this gave it five, so I'll give it two stars: it really only deserves one, since it's basically a crazed manual for revenge with some gnostic mysticism thrown in (see the woman giving birth to the man child before the start of the world for example); but for giving me a new textual support for Jenkins and Lahaye's eternal damnation the book deserves an extra star.
* Jesus is apparently exempt from being eaten by the birds, even though he is on a horse. I think you need higher math / logic to solve the problem of why it's ok that the birds don't eat Jesus, I think it's actually part of Godel's Inconsistency Theorem.
** I don't know what is up with the sword in Jesus' mouth, but I should admit to chuckling every time it was mentioned in the book. And every time the line from Heathers about having a sword fight in one of the Heathers' mouth ran through my head.