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Nobody Cries When We Die: God, Community, and Surviving to Adulthood
Winner of the Hispanic Theological Initiative Book Prize. Selected as the first book in the Children's Defense Fund's book club. When the screams of innocents dying engulf you, how do you hear God's voice? Will God and God's people call you to life when your breath is being strangled out of you? For people of color living each day surrounded by violence, for whom survival is not a given, vocational discernment is more than "finding your purpose" - it's a matter of life and death. Patrick Reyes shares his story of how the community around him - his grandmother, robed clergy, educators, friends, and neighbors - saved him from gang life, abuse, and the economic and racial oppression that threatened to kill him before he ever reached adulthood. A story balancing the tension between pain and healing, Nobody Cries When We Die takes you to the places that make American society flinch, redefines what you are called to do with your life, and gives you strength to save lives and lead in your own community.
Part of the FTE (Forum for Theological Exploration) Series
Part of the FTE (Forum for Theological Exploration) Series
192 pages, Paperback
Published December 13, 2016
46 people are currently reading
326 people want to read
About the author
Patrick B. Reyes
2 books21 followersDr. Patrick B. Reyes is the author of The Purpose Gap: Empowering Communities of Color to Find Meaning and Thrive, and of the award-winning book Nobody Cries When We Die: God, Community, and Surviving to Adulthood. A Chicano educator, administrator, and institutional strategist, he currently serves as Senior Director of Learning Design at the Forum for Theological Exploration, where his portfolio includes oversight of organizational thought leadership, resource development, and annual grant funding. He is president-elect of the Religious Education Association and serves on several boards in higher education, elementary education, and the non-profit sector supporting the next generation of leaders and educators of color. You can learn more about Patrick at patrickbreyes.com.
Patrick holds a Doctorate and Master of Arts from Claremont School of Theology, a Master of Divinity from Boston University School of Theology, and is proud to be a graduate of the California State education system, California State University at Sacramento (Sac State).
Patrick holds a Doctorate and Master of Arts from Claremont School of Theology, a Master of Divinity from Boston University School of Theology, and is proud to be a graduate of the California State education system, California State University at Sacramento (Sac State).
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
November 30, 2022
Before this book, I'd never enjoyed or fully understood conversations around "vocation,"and because of it I am eternally grateful to Reyes and the ways he has deconstructed, decolonized, and reoriented the term here. Most often, that term seems to rise up when Christians of a certain status and privilege start to talk about dream jobs, and more broadly the hopes they hold for actualizing the American Dream for themselves. Here, Reyes offers a critical and necessary reclaiming of vocation that makes it accessible for all people by centering those most on the margins and arguing that the fundamental calling God is inviting every single person to is life. For those farthest from the center of power and comfort facing intersecting societal oppressions and personal traumas, this call begins with survival, which feels both like a crucial recognition that for many that's necessarily the only goal of each day as well as a honoring validation that those people are no less far from embodying God's call for their lives than a doctor, professor, or CEO.
He goes on to offer a "theology of the soil" which diverges from the more common, individualistic approach to vocation by posing that the contexts and communities (or soil) that we come from and are rooted in are fundamentally formational to our vocation, which transcends career to include the ways we reinvest in those people and places. At the heart of his theology of vocation is the notion that God calls all people to live, and that all who are at the edges of survival need to hear that call not only from God, but from a myriad of people in their community who are calling them to it and making a clearing for life to emerge, if not flourish. And following that trajectory, he suggests that all people who have heard the call to life are then invited and demanded to join God and participate in the ongoing work of calling others to it.
Reyes argues the inevitably reality that -all- theology is contextual, despite the ways white men have frequently been regarded as universal, and in doing so finds freedom to embrace and celebrate the cultural, ethnic, geographic, and personal contexts that have shaped him, which makes for such engaging and spectacular reading. Striving for accessibility, much of the work here is rooted in stories from Reyes' own life, particularly his youth growing up in Salinas, CA and his time in academia, especially seminary in Boston (and the contrasting traumas of gang violence in the former and overt and subtle racism in the latter are both explored with raw, at times devastating vulnerability). I think this book is a masterclass in that approach, as the ways Reyes theologizes about experiences are often uniquely poignant and compelling. With that said, there is still robust biblical scholarship done throughout the text, and I most appreciated his engagement with the narratives surrounding Hagar as a model of God's call towards survival and Thomas as an expression of the ways God validates the pain of the traumatized and honors their realities as they're moved towards life.
On a personal level, although much of my formative context diverges significantly from Reyes', I have spent the past 5 years living in a predominantly Puerto Rican and Dominican neighborhood of North Philly and saw abundant parallels between the community he speaks of and this one. One of the critiques I've felt towards other books from time to time is how utterly inaccessible or irrelevant they feel to my current context, and the opposite couldn't be more true for this one. And in recognizing how deeply validating it was for -me- to read it after only spending 5 years here and as a white, college educated man, I can only imagine what the resonance is like for readers that more closely shared Reyes' lived experiences. This is far and away one of my favorite theological texts, and one I know that I'll be encouraging constantly (in fact, I've already purchased three copies to give away to people that it made me think of as I read it!).
He goes on to offer a "theology of the soil" which diverges from the more common, individualistic approach to vocation by posing that the contexts and communities (or soil) that we come from and are rooted in are fundamentally formational to our vocation, which transcends career to include the ways we reinvest in those people and places. At the heart of his theology of vocation is the notion that God calls all people to live, and that all who are at the edges of survival need to hear that call not only from God, but from a myriad of people in their community who are calling them to it and making a clearing for life to emerge, if not flourish. And following that trajectory, he suggests that all people who have heard the call to life are then invited and demanded to join God and participate in the ongoing work of calling others to it.
Reyes argues the inevitably reality that -all- theology is contextual, despite the ways white men have frequently been regarded as universal, and in doing so finds freedom to embrace and celebrate the cultural, ethnic, geographic, and personal contexts that have shaped him, which makes for such engaging and spectacular reading. Striving for accessibility, much of the work here is rooted in stories from Reyes' own life, particularly his youth growing up in Salinas, CA and his time in academia, especially seminary in Boston (and the contrasting traumas of gang violence in the former and overt and subtle racism in the latter are both explored with raw, at times devastating vulnerability). I think this book is a masterclass in that approach, as the ways Reyes theologizes about experiences are often uniquely poignant and compelling. With that said, there is still robust biblical scholarship done throughout the text, and I most appreciated his engagement with the narratives surrounding Hagar as a model of God's call towards survival and Thomas as an expression of the ways God validates the pain of the traumatized and honors their realities as they're moved towards life.
On a personal level, although much of my formative context diverges significantly from Reyes', I have spent the past 5 years living in a predominantly Puerto Rican and Dominican neighborhood of North Philly and saw abundant parallels between the community he speaks of and this one. One of the critiques I've felt towards other books from time to time is how utterly inaccessible or irrelevant they feel to my current context, and the opposite couldn't be more true for this one. And in recognizing how deeply validating it was for -me- to read it after only spending 5 years here and as a white, college educated man, I can only imagine what the resonance is like for readers that more closely shared Reyes' lived experiences. This is far and away one of my favorite theological texts, and one I know that I'll be encouraging constantly (in fact, I've already purchased three copies to give away to people that it made me think of as I read it!).
November 29, 2025
A moving memoir from a perspective that I have never spent much time with: a Latinx from Southern California. It was a painful read in many parts and doesn’t necessarily end with the hope or conclusion I anticipated, but has given me a lot to reflect on, particularly in relation to community supports and what it means to see and name your pain. I’m grateful for Reyes’ voice and the vulnerability it required to share this story.
January 22, 2017
I've never read a book on vocation quite like this one. Written by a young biracial Latinx Christian educator, Reyes' reflective memoir serves as a challenging corrective to people like me whose vocational reading list explains everything about vocation . . . if you're a privileged white male. Reyes begins his story by reflecting on a vocational call that tends to be left out of such accounts - the call simply to survive to adulthood, a call that is both a necessary and urgent call to so many young men and women whose circumstances make such survival not simple at all. In this sense, Reyes' account offers one man's journey toward hearing and responding to God's call from and to "the borderlands," the marginal spaces of the US empire where lives are too often deemed expendable at worst and satisfying the token desire for diversity at best. Despite (or perhaps because of) the particularity of Reyes' account, there is something deeply meaningful and relevant here for everyone and this book would not only provide an important voice to those who have similar backgrounds to Reyes, but also to those (like me) whose sense of vocation have neglected these important aspects of this important topic.
October 15, 2022
A really powerful memoir that, in my opinion, could be supplemental to reading Parker Palmer and reflecting on vocation. Patrick Reyes should be commended for his bravery in telling his story and in telling the truth about his experience in academic institutions. His conception of vocation as 1) to live and 2) to call others to life really resonates.
February 14, 2019
The author presented a lifestyle that was different from my own. I am thankful for the insight to a different group of peoples. Most of us are from different cultures and experience some good and bad within our culture it is hard to know what the various groups experience. I know my culture and how they survived coming to the United States. However, sometimes we think it is the same for all groups. I am thankful for this author that he expressed his feelings and the road blocks he was able to overcome. Blessings to him in his ministry.
November 25, 2018
Such an amazing book. I wish his editor had worked a bit harder on the text. Way too many simple errors that should have been caught in the editing process. I benefited from this book even with the editorial sloppiness. The work of being called to life and finding meaningful vocation that translates to the service of others is the topic of this book and it is a reminder that we each run our separate races but we are part of the larger competition as well.
March 19, 2018
I loved reading this book. The author writes a stirring memoir of growing up and living in this old world. From Salinas, California to Boston, Massachusetts and many points in between. The author’s stories and reflections invites readers to see the world through his eyes as well as anyone I have ever read. He writes with love, courage and always a sense of wonder about the world. I loved this. This is a book I will recommend to many others. I love the way he celebrates his family and friends.
February 3, 2024
Reyes tells of hard things and hard truths but in a way that brings life.
December 30, 2025
Many of the autobiographical portions of Nobody Cries When We Die prove riveting and absorbing. Moreover, Reyes has many important things to say about topics like systemic racism and calling people to Life. I initially loved the book—and it did ultimately leave me with a great deal to ponder. However, many of the philosophical musings ramble on and on, seeming to take up far more words than necessary. I also felt that Reyes sometimes assumed the worst in white people. It made me wonder whether he may have, occasionally, reacted to the racism that he experienced by projecting it onto other people.
December 31, 2016
Taking its title from a rap lyric by Tupac Shakur, "NCWWD" offers a searing portrait of an embattled community and a courageous theological scholar who transcends its terrors in order better to serve it and others. Professionally, its author Patrick Reyes identifies as a practical theologian, educator, administrator and institutional strategist. But "Nobody Cries" is also a deeply personal, revealing book.
Part autobiography, it resembles classics as diverse as St. Augustine’s canonical "Confessions" or JD Vance’s contemporary "Hillbilly Elegy." It also draws deeply from scholars ranging from bell hooks and Franz Fanon to Michel Foucault, Paolo Freire and countless others. Spiritual mentors from Howard Thurman to Parker Palmer also inform Reyes’s remarkable sense of vocation. And he draws deeply from poets and authors such as Sandra Cisneros, Toni Morrison, Richard Rodriguez, Octavio Paz, and columnist David Brooks.
In other words, Reyes’s life trajectory is eclectic and uniquely distinctive; so he draws from a remarkably wide range of literary sources in order to synthesize his experiences and put them in their vocational context. He has a keen eye for subtlety, nuance, (in)justice, hypocrisy, and paradox. His life entails a series of extreme highs and mind-numbing lows that are often difficult to reconcile. But he does.
Ultimately, "Nobody Cries" tells the story of a scholar, leader and healer for whom the ineffable truths of the heart are as salient as the fruits of the intellect or academic and theological study. Although Reyes’s academic and theological credentials are both hard-earned and impeccable, "NCWWD" is distinguished even more by the spiritual wisdom he brings to reflecting on and illuminating his own life and the otherwise untold stories of so many others.
Drawing from numerous different wisdom and scholarly traditions, Reyes offers a grand synthesis here that is as personal and particular as it is universal. Parts of his narrative are gut-wrenching; others are inspiring and enriching. By dint of his profound vocational calling and commitment to genuine servant-leadership, however, Reyes takes himself and his readers on an ascending, auspicious aspirational arc.
Reyes has been personally and professionally transformed by his remarkable adventures in life. Those of us fortunate enough to accompany him on his narrative journey are bound to be vicariously transformed, as well. Reyes’s life was obviously changed over the course of his vocational discernment. By reading his account of that process, our lives as his readers can be transfigured too….
Part autobiography, it resembles classics as diverse as St. Augustine’s canonical "Confessions" or JD Vance’s contemporary "Hillbilly Elegy." It also draws deeply from scholars ranging from bell hooks and Franz Fanon to Michel Foucault, Paolo Freire and countless others. Spiritual mentors from Howard Thurman to Parker Palmer also inform Reyes’s remarkable sense of vocation. And he draws deeply from poets and authors such as Sandra Cisneros, Toni Morrison, Richard Rodriguez, Octavio Paz, and columnist David Brooks.
In other words, Reyes’s life trajectory is eclectic and uniquely distinctive; so he draws from a remarkably wide range of literary sources in order to synthesize his experiences and put them in their vocational context. He has a keen eye for subtlety, nuance, (in)justice, hypocrisy, and paradox. His life entails a series of extreme highs and mind-numbing lows that are often difficult to reconcile. But he does.
Ultimately, "Nobody Cries" tells the story of a scholar, leader and healer for whom the ineffable truths of the heart are as salient as the fruits of the intellect or academic and theological study. Although Reyes’s academic and theological credentials are both hard-earned and impeccable, "NCWWD" is distinguished even more by the spiritual wisdom he brings to reflecting on and illuminating his own life and the otherwise untold stories of so many others.
Drawing from numerous different wisdom and scholarly traditions, Reyes offers a grand synthesis here that is as personal and particular as it is universal. Parts of his narrative are gut-wrenching; others are inspiring and enriching. By dint of his profound vocational calling and commitment to genuine servant-leadership, however, Reyes takes himself and his readers on an ascending, auspicious aspirational arc.
Reyes has been personally and professionally transformed by his remarkable adventures in life. Those of us fortunate enough to accompany him on his narrative journey are bound to be vicariously transformed, as well. Reyes’s life was obviously changed over the course of his vocational discernment. By reading his account of that process, our lives as his readers can be transfigured too….
July 25, 2019
I am troubled by this book....the author does a good job explaining his situation, where his roots are,but does not really offer a way to help those he calls privileged (which I am not arguing his stance on who he calls privileged), understand where to go from where we are now. I am so glad he included the prayer at the end of the book, otherwise, I think I would have closed this book feeling helpless.
May 17, 2023
Part memoir, part lived theology. Dr. Reyes grew up in a dominantly Latinx community in Salinas, CA, experiencing gang violence, suffering, poverty, death, migrant worker struggles, and other formative influences like mentorship through Christian Brothers.
It was crushing to read, on p. 72, the professor asking "'what prepared you for this experience?'...the first thing that came out of my mouth was, 'I survived to adulthood.' I remember the class laughing." This anecdote is a microcosm for a lot of Dr. Reyes' life. People of color not being taken seriously in white academic spaces or recognized for how much work they've already done (in effort, in character, etc.) just to be in the room.
He doesn't say explicitly in the book that his life experiences credential him to have theological insight into suffering, life, and Jesus (though the last chapter talks about credentialing in the sense that he's learned the nuances of the educational system, including Christian education, with all its problems, racism, bias, etc. and has learned to play by that system's rules successfully). I'd hate to see Reyes categorized as "Latinx theology" if only because it suggests that his insight is somehow not as meaningful as "(implied white/western) standard theology" or somehow should be limited to a niche theology.
A minor criticism for chalice press - the font is too tightly packed on the page.
It was crushing to read, on p. 72, the professor asking "'what prepared you for this experience?'...the first thing that came out of my mouth was, 'I survived to adulthood.' I remember the class laughing." This anecdote is a microcosm for a lot of Dr. Reyes' life. People of color not being taken seriously in white academic spaces or recognized for how much work they've already done (in effort, in character, etc.) just to be in the room.
He doesn't say explicitly in the book that his life experiences credential him to have theological insight into suffering, life, and Jesus (though the last chapter talks about credentialing in the sense that he's learned the nuances of the educational system, including Christian education, with all its problems, racism, bias, etc. and has learned to play by that system's rules successfully). I'd hate to see Reyes categorized as "Latinx theology" if only because it suggests that his insight is somehow not as meaningful as "(implied white/western) standard theology" or somehow should be limited to a niche theology.
A minor criticism for chalice press - the font is too tightly packed on the page.
November 18, 2021
3.5 stars - Nobody Cries When We Die is a book about vocational discernment, written through the life narrative of a Latinx theologian who grew up in a community in which survival was never guaranteed. I got a lot out of his story-telling, and particular his thoughts on soil theology. He helped identify ways people and communities could create spaces in which suffering populations can thrive, flourish, and sense the voice of God calling them to life.
My struggle with the book was that I felt the title didn’t accurately reflect the message of the book, and there were a number of distracting spelling and grammar errors. It took me a while to get into the book for that reason, but I’m glad I stuck with it, because the last four chapters are perhaps the best parts of the book.
My struggle with the book was that I felt the title didn’t accurately reflect the message of the book, and there were a number of distracting spelling and grammar errors. It took me a while to get into the book for that reason, but I’m glad I stuck with it, because the last four chapters are perhaps the best parts of the book.
October 21, 2022
Patrick Reyes tells an intimate personal story of calling with strong themes involving community, suffering, and resilience through family members and friends bolstering him. While a large part of the book is narrative, that is the point. Call is discovered through community in the process of reflecting on narrative. The call will ultimately be the call to life and to call others out of life. How that call is lived out is within in a community with great awareness of suffering.
Reyes’ strongest arguments are personal anecdotes, with most of his theology being rooted in Tilich’s “Theology of the Soil,” but the book is satisfactory and moving. While there is no practical 1, 2, 3 response for individuals reading the book, the clear call is a call to life, and anyone can live into that.
Reyes’ strongest arguments are personal anecdotes, with most of his theology being rooted in Tilich’s “Theology of the Soil,” but the book is satisfactory and moving. While there is no practical 1, 2, 3 response for individuals reading the book, the clear call is a call to life, and anyone can live into that.
March 5, 2024
Wow! This book was so well written and I was captivated by Reyes’ stories of his life. I found myself holding my breath, gasping, or with my jaw dropped at certain points. Reyes has a talent for drawing a reader in. He expertly shares his story of growing up as a Latino in California, experiencing gang violence, and eventually finding a home in education. Through all of his stories, he weaves his ideas about vocational discernment. It is coming from a distinctly Christian perspective, so if that isn’t your thing may not be the book for you. However, I think his story should be heard by everyone!
January 18, 2021
Part memoir, part theological resource that intimately details what it’s like to respond to the call to survive as a BIPOC from communities of violence. Really opened my eyes to the harsh realities of Latinx people and the grasp of colonization. It’s raw, heavy, and serious but also necessary and life giving. Sheds light on breaking the trauma narrative of intergenerational violence. Definitely a small taste of Latinx and liberation theologies too! The book could be repetitive at times, but it’s well written and though provoking.
August 4, 2017
Really good. Reyes is so courageous and convinced of the need for every person to find life. I had some trouble in the beginning connecting to his writing style, but the more I read, the more his messages came through. His perspective gave life to several marginalized, traumatized Bible characters in ways I'd never thought of before. He also explores: What does decolonization look like? And, Where is God in suffering?
September 5, 2020
This is a powerful and moving book about vocational discernment, particularly the struggles and barriers faced by people of color and other marginalized communities in that process. Reyes primary theme is the need for people to be "called to life" and rightfully resonates with the story of the dry bones in the Bible.
This is not a light, easy book to read. But it is rewarding and offers a lot for reflection.
This is not a light, easy book to read. But it is rewarding and offers a lot for reflection.
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March 11, 2024I was interested in the author’s life story and passion to serve the community he grew up in. He seems to really love people. I feel I could learn from the way he cares and he would be inspiring to be around. The sticking point for me was his unorthodox theology and how extensively he addressed it. I tried to take in his thoughts while ultimately disagreeing with them but because of that had a hard time with the book.
August 24, 2021
Wow. Just… wow. Reyes writing is beautiful and poignant. His narrative is both devastating and redemptive. Working through vocation through narrative is an interesting point of view, one I agree with.
Although this was about vocation, it is also very eye opening about communal suffering and systemic racism. It was an amazing read.
Although this was about vocation, it is also very eye opening about communal suffering and systemic racism. It was an amazing read.
November 25, 2025
Formative— finding purpose, rising through trauma, engaging violence, faith, chicano story
Not many books that speak to someone become a church figure is as realistic and kind as this one. Reyes navigates life in a way no one has dared done before. Underrated book
Not many books that speak to someone become a church figure is as realistic and kind as this one. Reyes navigates life in a way no one has dared done before. Underrated book
October 2, 2018
I am grateful to have read this in a time where I need to hear that call to life and go call others to life, even though it is such a different context than my own.
August 31, 2019
Good info in this book. It’s just difficult to read because of the author’s style.
October 23, 2020
A very powerful memoir of growing up surrounded by violence, and his journey to understanding God’s call in light of his story.
November 18, 2020
A challenging but excellent read
December 30, 2023
Reyes story of survival and his journey to his vocation were full of courage and strength coming from his grandma and her encouragement to help him fulfill his goals
February 25, 2025
pleasantly surprised by this christian discernment book
September 18, 2023
Pat Reyes on his call to survive a life he shouldn't have made it out of. Mostly memoir, part externally processed vocational discernment, this is totally heartbreaking at times. It’s also an important, inclusive addition to conversations about discovering purpose, especially for young people who live facing death.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews