Effective Difficult Conversations

by Catherine Soehner, Ann Darling

Libraries are experiencing more change than ever before. Conflict is bound to happen during any change process, whether the change is organization-wide or involves a single individual. Additionally, librarians often take leadership positions without the necessary preparation to lead change and many new professionals are unwilling to consider leadership in their institutions because they know that such positions require conducting difficult conversations. The ability to hold an effective difficult conversation is one of the key skills of a successful leader especially in this time of rapid change. Holding an effective difficult conversation is tricky. The emotions of the people involved can be unpredictable and balancing a clear message with compassion takes planning and perseverance. Most importantly, following up a difficult conversation with a written description of the agreements reached during the conversation is imperative for moving forward. This book will provide readers with a step-by-step process to gain the skills needed to have effective difficult conversations that hold themselves and others accountable. Activities throughout the book will encourage practicing skills to learn the concepts in more depth prior to an actual conversation. After reading this book, readers will be able to:

Genres: Professional Development, Nonfiction, Librarianship, Management

128 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2017

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pretty solid, practical guide. Even though some of the scenarios and suggested talking points were fairly stale, I appreciated the consistency of the steps displayed across different forms of communication and tiers of hierarchy. Definitely a great reference book to glance through when meeting with staff.

[Joshua · Rating 4 out of 5]

An effective book about handling difficult conversations in a professional manner. There were plenty of great tools for the reader in this book, however I felt that there were, at times, too many lengthy examples where a few short and concise examples would have been just as good. Still, I would definitely recommend this book for anyone working in a professional setting.

[AltLovesBooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book was inoffensively bland at its best and actively harmful at its worst. Early on in the book it talks about determining if the difficult conversation is one that you need to be having at all, and gives the example of two coworkers who aren't getting along. A direct quote from the book about this scenario:

"If you still feel like you need to say something, either because you are the defacto leader, or that the tension between these two coworkers is generally making for an uncomfortable work environment; then the only conversation that you might have is to empower the one who has come to you to have the conversation themselves. You might suggest, 'It sounds to me that there are some important things you need to discuss with your coworker. I know it will be a difficult conversation, but it is probably best that you talk to them rather than me since you are most directly involved.'"

Yes, I'd love for people to be adults about everything, but as a supervisor/manager, there are absolutely times you need to clear up interpersonal issues. Washing your hands of the situation and dumping it back on them to figure out is not a good look.

The rest of the book talks about how to actually have difficult conversations, but most of it is information that I thought was rather obvious. Know your facts, don't make assumptions, don't coe out swinging with wild accusations. I don't like their idea of using a 3x5 card with your talking points, though, since it then looks like you're talking to your card and not to the person, but whatever.

Skip this, was not impressed.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good, practical examples geared especially for library folks.

[Shayna Ross · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like a quick guide, this book covers the aspects of having a difficult conversation from a manager's point of view. While there is a chapter on co-workers, this is best for those new or need a refresher in supervisory position that require maintaining staff. While I am not in a supervisory position and cannot speak from experience, I found this book to be a useful introduction on what to expect when communicating effectively with staff. Additionally, it is helpful to get a sense of directions one can take in order to ideally present the most effective path for good working relationships. However, it needs to be remembered that experience is where you will get the best understanding on how to have effective conversations.

[Colle Owino · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how the authors used concrete examples and actually gave clear instructions on what to do in different situations. They admit that these conversations never get easier but not having them causes more harm. The key lesson is be prepared when going into any difficult conversation and keep a paper trail to help you in future.

[Jenn · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - in the second chapter the advice is to avoid difficult conversations if you can. That is terrible advice. I didn't want to read the rest.

Also, it is incredibly rare that I do not finish a book. There's only like 6 other books out there I haven't finished. Don't waste your time with this one.

[Megan B · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first suggestion for 'how to have a difficult conversation' was to decide if you really need to have it, and it was downhill from there (I specifically liked the body language section that not only had no references to neurodivergent behavior, but used *statues* to show appropriate body language).

[James Hill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although obviously geared towards librarians and library management, this quick-read book would be useful for anyone wanting to explore the "how to" for difficult situations. The step-by-step guide is relevant to any number of situations.

[Julia Nowakowska · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great guide for managers, solution leaders and basically everyone on how to handle difficult topics.

[Darya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well structured however 100% focused on office/business conversations. The book provides sound advice from the stage of preparation to a difficult conversation till the stage of following up on it.

[Ginny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It gave clear steps with effective examples as well as an activity which allowed you to apply the steps from the book.