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The Soft Reply
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
April 16, 2019
A great book focused on having healthier, more Christlike communication. I recommend it...it’s a good one to read and re-read. It contains simple truths that are easy to forget in the say-anything world we live in.
September 17, 2009
This book is for anyone who struggles with losing their temper, anyone who is a chronic "yeller," anyone who loses control in frustrating situations (basically, everybody). Even though a lot of these ideas are common sense, there are some that I hadn't thought about before that I found to be VERY helpful. The ideas are especially useful for me as a mother who subscribes to the idea that yelling at your children is not helpful (in almost any situation) but who occasionally finds her actions not measuring up to that belief. I would recommend this book to anyone who is married, anyone with kids, anyone who would like to improve a particular relationship with another human being!
June 19, 2026
This book came at an important time in my life. I found the principles and stories helpful as a husband, a father, and an everyday human being. In particular, I felt impressed to respond to offense (in its many varieties) with love.
Anyway, the book offers a number of lessons about what it means to reply softly to opposition. Principles include listening, sitting down, not yelling, and so much more. Responding softly to opposition, what he calls "the soft reply", is evidence of one's agency, i.e., their ability to control themselves. In addition, he argues that although the soft reply may lack short term advantages, it has eternal benefits. The alternatives to the soft reply, he argues, are typically ineffective in the short and long term.
This book could have benefited from wrestling with some episodes in scripture and Latter-day Saint history that are in (apparent) tension with his argument. First, Latter-day Saints will likely be quick to point to Jesus cleansing the temple as the prima facie example of righteous anger. I'm not sure that's how we should read Jesus's actions, emotions, or intentions; regardless, Packer should have confronted this scriptural episode. Second, Packer should have taken more time to deal with what it means to "reprove betimes with sharpness...." I agree that this scripture, like Jesus's cleansing of the temple, does not give us license to treat others harshly because we believe we are justified. However, Packer rebuts the common interpretation by emphasizing a word ("guile") that does not obviously alter the interpretation of the reproving verse. Again, that is not to say it doesn't—more textual work has to be done. Third, Latter-day Saints will also likely recall the time when Joseph Smith rebuked the prisoners in a jail in Richmond, Missouri ("SILENCE, ye fiends of infernal pit...."). Once again, I think some historical accounts buttress Packer's argument instead of the common interpretation. For example, Parley P. Pratt, an eye-witness to the event, described Joseph Smith as "calm" and "dignified" as he rebuked them.
The general criticism is that the book's argument does not confront its (apparent!) challengers. Otherwise, the book is really excellent. Even if a harsher reply is justified at times, I suspect that more people should practice the soft reply—we, including myself, seem to have to little of that kind of restraint and charity.
Anyway, the book offers a number of lessons about what it means to reply softly to opposition. Principles include listening, sitting down, not yelling, and so much more. Responding softly to opposition, what he calls "the soft reply", is evidence of one's agency, i.e., their ability to control themselves. In addition, he argues that although the soft reply may lack short term advantages, it has eternal benefits. The alternatives to the soft reply, he argues, are typically ineffective in the short and long term.
This book could have benefited from wrestling with some episodes in scripture and Latter-day Saint history that are in (apparent) tension with his argument. First, Latter-day Saints will likely be quick to point to Jesus cleansing the temple as the prima facie example of righteous anger. I'm not sure that's how we should read Jesus's actions, emotions, or intentions; regardless, Packer should have confronted this scriptural episode. Second, Packer should have taken more time to deal with what it means to "reprove betimes with sharpness...." I agree that this scripture, like Jesus's cleansing of the temple, does not give us license to treat others harshly because we believe we are justified. However, Packer rebuts the common interpretation by emphasizing a word ("guile") that does not obviously alter the interpretation of the reproving verse. Again, that is not to say it doesn't—more textual work has to be done. Third, Latter-day Saints will also likely recall the time when Joseph Smith rebuked the prisoners in a jail in Richmond, Missouri ("SILENCE, ye fiends of infernal pit...."). Once again, I think some historical accounts buttress Packer's argument instead of the common interpretation. For example, Parley P. Pratt, an eye-witness to the event, described Joseph Smith as "calm" and "dignified" as he rebuked them.
The general criticism is that the book's argument does not confront its (apparent!) challengers. Otherwise, the book is really excellent. Even if a harsher reply is justified at times, I suspect that more people should practice the soft reply—we, including myself, seem to have to little of that kind of restraint and charity.
February 15, 2023
I can't remember how I came across this little gem of a book, but it was on my bookshelf and I needed something to read on a trip so I grabbed it. It's quite short, but since most books are unnecessarily long that is not a problem for me.
It is filled with personal stories, scriptures, and excellent insight on how to be more of a peace-maker and use language to calm and uplift rather than to escalate and tear down. More people living by the advice in this book would make for a much better world. The chapters are concise and very applicable to life. I plan to reread it in the future and I've already started working towards incorporating some of the ideas into my life.
It is filled with personal stories, scriptures, and excellent insight on how to be more of a peace-maker and use language to calm and uplift rather than to escalate and tear down. More people living by the advice in this book would make for a much better world. The chapters are concise and very applicable to life. I plan to reread it in the future and I've already started working towards incorporating some of the ideas into my life.
November 3, 2019
I liked this book alright. As the full title suggests, it offers ideas for Christlike communication. The author writes about his own experiences and observations, interspersing his anecdotes with quotes and scriptures. The author comes across as a genuinely kind person, and I felt like what he said came from a good place, and that I'd like to learn from him. He isn't out to judge or make anyone feel guilty, he merely wants to share some thoughts and ideas about how we can get rid of any form of verbal abuse, mean-spirited sarcasm, yelling, profanity, temper tantrums, and the like, in our relationships with our family, friends, colleagues, strangers, etc.
The examples he uses are a bit hard for me to relate to, seeing that most of them are andro-centric. This is not a book by a psychologist, so some of his advice has to be taken with a grain of salt. There are obviously situations in which anger is not misplaced. I wish there would have been a bit more in the hands-on department, other than the not very groundbreaking bite your tongue! count until 10! leave the room!
Still. I did take some new insights from this. I especially enjoyed the chapter on material possessions getting in the way of people.
The examples he uses are a bit hard for me to relate to, seeing that most of them are andro-centric. This is not a book by a psychologist, so some of his advice has to be taken with a grain of salt. There are obviously situations in which anger is not misplaced. I wish there would have been a bit more in the hands-on department, other than the not very groundbreaking bite your tongue! count until 10! leave the room!
Still. I did take some new insights from this. I especially enjoyed the chapter on material possessions getting in the way of people.
August 13, 2012
This little book has given me resolve to live a "softer" life, one of less judgment of others, more tolerance, more patience, more love. It has given me a desire to live more as the Savior would. There are so many great examples, quotes, and stories of how to overcome our weaknesses in relationships of all kinds, to treat others as we want to be treated. It is particularly helpful in suggestions to overcome anger and to be our best selves. I will share a couple of quotes as examples:
"The tongue is the most dangerous, destructive, and deadly weapon available to man. We never gain anything or improve our character by trying to tear down another."--N. Eldon Tanner
"So in the give and take of the world, we jostle and are jostled. Let us take extra care to avoid both giving and taking offense. Let us be loving, kind, and forgiving. . . .grounded, rooted, established, settled."--Neal A. Maxwell
I am grateful for this book for teaching me and reminding me of a more peaceful, thoughtful life.
"The tongue is the most dangerous, destructive, and deadly weapon available to man. We never gain anything or improve our character by trying to tear down another."--N. Eldon Tanner
"So in the give and take of the world, we jostle and are jostled. Let us take extra care to avoid both giving and taking offense. Let us be loving, kind, and forgiving. . . .grounded, rooted, established, settled."--Neal A. Maxwell
I am grateful for this book for teaching me and reminding me of a more peaceful, thoughtful life.
January 17, 2009
Written by my mission president. Had some very good thoughts.
January 5, 2016
A short read with wonderful principles within. I love the fact each chapter is short and had a great piece of wisdom for improving relationships. Worth reading again and again.
July 19, 2010
It changed my life.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews