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How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics
Al-Anon's basic book discusses our mutual-help program of recovery, including personal stories. A beginning approach to the Twelve Concepts of Service is included.
388 pages, Hardcover
First published February 1, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
October 25, 2013
The encouragement and support I have found with my home Al-anon group is amazing and cannot be something to get from the book. It's a great book for guidance, but it's one thing to read it and another to experience it live with real people. I have been blessed to meet a wonderful sisterhood I have found with my women's group and this book is a good guideline, not just for those affected by alcohol (past or present), but really anyone who have found themselves to be a co-dependent (which is common in those from alcoholic families). I have hi-lighted so much from this book and nodded in agreement so many times with the been there, done that. Really helped me understand my own destructive behaviors and how to break free!
August 15, 2014
This book helps you to realize that you're not alone and that others may share the same experiences as you have had. Highly recommended for people who are in Al-Anon or thinking about joining a group. Even if that isn't the case, it gives you insight about alcoholism.
January 2, 2017
I read this because my counselor made me. I hated reading it but it was a good book for me to read. I don't think I will practice the program but I am happy to know it is there and currently looking into ACA.
May 1, 2011
I bought this book as a sort of update. I am the former spouse of a person with deepseated anger issues. I had participated in Alanon back in the 1990's but had fallen away from it, and since my divorce from that person with recovery issues, I learned that she had become heavily involved in Alanon to sort through things related to her own Family Of Origin. So I bought this book because I wanted to fully understand the attraction of The Program.... she is now going mulitple times per week....When we were together I had experienced her problems, and born the brunt of anger which shredded my self esteem, but not been able to help her. She was in denial up until a period after the divorce when she finally hit her own Rock Bottom. I needed to "let go and let God" help her, a difficult decision for sure.
Now, the book is inseparable from the Alanon Program; and this is something you love or hate - or maybe I should say, which you either buy into totally, or fail to understand. I agree with the other reviewers who said you need more than just this, in order to begin "recovery".
The heart and soul of Alanon for those persons who desperately need it, is not the book; not the slogans; but the other persons who are further along in the process and who become your "sponsor" - these people become your new support system and help you learn to re-parent yourself. In this way, to truly work the Program is akin to joining a cult, since you will go through a period of depending on these persons to help you relearn the world. My former spouse said something they all say " I don't know what my old friends think of my new Alanon friends, but they are my family now"... you get the picture. It was particularly striking when I was on the phone with her, several years after the divorce, prompted by issues with one of our daughters. She seemed unable to complete a phone conversation unless she interrupted it and called back. I realized that in the interim she was phoning a sponsor, discussing my call, and then calling me back parroting what The Program said in this situation. This is a level of dependence on the Alanon lifeline which is dazzling. The role of the sponsor is only alluded to in a tangential way in the book.
I feel sorry to realize that there are so any wounded souls out there who need this, but the truth is, Alanon has saved many people's lives and helped them during their crises. If you are a person with co-dependent issues the Program is for you. It has helped many people with personality disorders in addition to the families of alcoholics.
Anger has a place in recovery, but this is my main area where I have difficulties with The Program. One bone to pick with Alanon is on the area of "detaching with love" - a strategy or technique used to cope with any person causing difficulty. In my case, I was the spouse of an Alanon person whose issues mainly dealt with her Family Of Origin, but detaching with love was used to cut *me* off since I was not also using The Program. It was not until years later that the person realized the craziness and injustice of this. If you are the non-offending family member, be alert for this, because it can be misused against you as a means to pull the person into the cultish aspects of Alanon.
Alanon teaches the new disciples how to do this, but I do not think it is fair to the recipient of the strategy because it is never explained. True Love can be similar to enmeshment - it is a mystery of life......
Also, Alanon adherents will often go through a period of learning how to express their anger as they re-establish their personal identity, and if the person has deep-seated anger issues which are rooted in their basic personality, the lingo of Alanon can be used to rationalize the way that a person delivers verbal abuse under the guise of "being honest....."
Now, when "owning you own anger " gets confused with "only owning your side of ther street", it is a subtle way to condone emotional violence toward those persons around the new Alanon convert. Would you unleash your anger at a two-year-old? No, because the kid doesn't have the tools...Most adult persons caught up with a person who has a personality disorder likewise do not have the tools to deal with this kind of verbal abuse, and a new convert can use the wrong parts of The Program to justify evil behavior. It goes without saying that there is never any excuse for the kind of unkindness sometimes unleashed by Alanon adherents toward those around them who are non-disciples. That was my experience.
So,in balance, as I wrote, the book is not separable from The Program. take it or leave it!
Now, the book is inseparable from the Alanon Program; and this is something you love or hate - or maybe I should say, which you either buy into totally, or fail to understand. I agree with the other reviewers who said you need more than just this, in order to begin "recovery".
The heart and soul of Alanon for those persons who desperately need it, is not the book; not the slogans; but the other persons who are further along in the process and who become your "sponsor" - these people become your new support system and help you learn to re-parent yourself. In this way, to truly work the Program is akin to joining a cult, since you will go through a period of depending on these persons to help you relearn the world. My former spouse said something they all say " I don't know what my old friends think of my new Alanon friends, but they are my family now"... you get the picture. It was particularly striking when I was on the phone with her, several years after the divorce, prompted by issues with one of our daughters. She seemed unable to complete a phone conversation unless she interrupted it and called back. I realized that in the interim she was phoning a sponsor, discussing my call, and then calling me back parroting what The Program said in this situation. This is a level of dependence on the Alanon lifeline which is dazzling. The role of the sponsor is only alluded to in a tangential way in the book.
I feel sorry to realize that there are so any wounded souls out there who need this, but the truth is, Alanon has saved many people's lives and helped them during their crises. If you are a person with co-dependent issues the Program is for you. It has helped many people with personality disorders in addition to the families of alcoholics.
Anger has a place in recovery, but this is my main area where I have difficulties with The Program. One bone to pick with Alanon is on the area of "detaching with love" - a strategy or technique used to cope with any person causing difficulty. In my case, I was the spouse of an Alanon person whose issues mainly dealt with her Family Of Origin, but detaching with love was used to cut *me* off since I was not also using The Program. It was not until years later that the person realized the craziness and injustice of this. If you are the non-offending family member, be alert for this, because it can be misused against you as a means to pull the person into the cultish aspects of Alanon.
Alanon teaches the new disciples how to do this, but I do not think it is fair to the recipient of the strategy because it is never explained. True Love can be similar to enmeshment - it is a mystery of life......
Also, Alanon adherents will often go through a period of learning how to express their anger as they re-establish their personal identity, and if the person has deep-seated anger issues which are rooted in their basic personality, the lingo of Alanon can be used to rationalize the way that a person delivers verbal abuse under the guise of "being honest....."
Now, when "owning you own anger " gets confused with "only owning your side of ther street", it is a subtle way to condone emotional violence toward those persons around the new Alanon convert. Would you unleash your anger at a two-year-old? No, because the kid doesn't have the tools...Most adult persons caught up with a person who has a personality disorder likewise do not have the tools to deal with this kind of verbal abuse, and a new convert can use the wrong parts of The Program to justify evil behavior. It goes without saying that there is never any excuse for the kind of unkindness sometimes unleashed by Alanon adherents toward those around them who are non-disciples. That was my experience.
So,in balance, as I wrote, the book is not separable from The Program. take it or leave it!
January 8, 2010
Alot! One thing that really struck me is that many people that are being controlled by others and allowing it think they will finally be free when that person dies but the effects of living with a dysfunctional person last even after they die or move to differnet cities or change spouces. The only way to break the hold the behaviour has had is to get in recovery and understand the pattern and break the cycle of how you react.
July 3, 2020
"How Al-Anon Works: for Families and Friends of Alcoholics," published by Al-Anon Family Groups, is a tremendous resource for anyone who has a relationship (past or present) with an alcoholic.
If you are familiar with "The Work" by Byron Katie, or the Rapid Transformational Therapy Trainer, Marissa Peer, the principles of Al-Anon are identical: healing starts by focusing on yourself, and examining your own thoughts, emotions, and behavior. "Returning yourself to peace and sanity" is impossible if you are trying to "control" or "heal" someone else, especially if that person is an alcoholic.
Al-Anon is an anonymous program, and members respect the privacy of everyone who attends a meeting. Identities of Al-Anon members are never made public.
By posting this review, I'm making my connection to Al-Anon public. I picked up and read this book because I found myself attending Al-Anon meetings in 2020, in the weeks before the COVID-19 pandemic stopped all public gatherings.
Someone I love very dearly became incredibly ill in 2019, mentally and emotionally, which triggered a complete psychosomatic breakdown by January 2020. In order to help this person regain their physical, mental, and emotional health, attending daily Al-Anon meetings became an essential part of their recovery program.
I am *incredibly* grateful to Al-Anon, both for hosting such wonderful, uplifting meetings, as well as providing such excellent literature. Al-Anon books and pamphlets are incredible resources. Anyone can attend a meeting at any time, free of charge. A member even let me take home a free copy of this book, since I didn't have the money to pay for it. Two weeks later, I had the $6.00 to cover the cost, and paid for the book, but it really warmed my heart to know that Al-Anon members wanted me to have this literature, regardless of whether or not I could afford it, just because they wanted me to have the help I needed.
If you are struggling mentally, emotionally, and/or physically from a relationship (past or present) with an alcoholic, and you have never attended an Al-Anon meeting, I hope you will consider giving Al-Anon a try. Their website enables you to find the closest meeting where you live, listing all locations and times. In my area, I was grateful to discover that there were meetings available every day.
"How Al-Anon Works" is an incredibly helpful book. Highly recommended for everyone on their own path to healing.
Five stars.
If you are familiar with "The Work" by Byron Katie, or the Rapid Transformational Therapy Trainer, Marissa Peer, the principles of Al-Anon are identical: healing starts by focusing on yourself, and examining your own thoughts, emotions, and behavior. "Returning yourself to peace and sanity" is impossible if you are trying to "control" or "heal" someone else, especially if that person is an alcoholic.
Al-Anon is an anonymous program, and members respect the privacy of everyone who attends a meeting. Identities of Al-Anon members are never made public.
By posting this review, I'm making my connection to Al-Anon public. I picked up and read this book because I found myself attending Al-Anon meetings in 2020, in the weeks before the COVID-19 pandemic stopped all public gatherings.
Someone I love very dearly became incredibly ill in 2019, mentally and emotionally, which triggered a complete psychosomatic breakdown by January 2020. In order to help this person regain their physical, mental, and emotional health, attending daily Al-Anon meetings became an essential part of their recovery program.
I am *incredibly* grateful to Al-Anon, both for hosting such wonderful, uplifting meetings, as well as providing such excellent literature. Al-Anon books and pamphlets are incredible resources. Anyone can attend a meeting at any time, free of charge. A member even let me take home a free copy of this book, since I didn't have the money to pay for it. Two weeks later, I had the $6.00 to cover the cost, and paid for the book, but it really warmed my heart to know that Al-Anon members wanted me to have this literature, regardless of whether or not I could afford it, just because they wanted me to have the help I needed.
If you are struggling mentally, emotionally, and/or physically from a relationship (past or present) with an alcoholic, and you have never attended an Al-Anon meeting, I hope you will consider giving Al-Anon a try. Their website enables you to find the closest meeting where you live, listing all locations and times. In my area, I was grateful to discover that there were meetings available every day.
"How Al-Anon Works" is an incredibly helpful book. Highly recommended for everyone on their own path to healing.
Five stars.
October 31, 2010
This book saved my life. I plan to read it many times over. =) Even if you did not grow up in an alcoholic home, this book might provide some insights...
June 30, 2013
This book is a wonderful support for people who have had a friend or family member with alcoholism. And honestly - who doesn't?
February 19, 2025
I like the first part of this book . The second part is all just stories about other people and their experiences. I ended up reading only a few of these. I know I will come back to this book for a references
Read
July 23, 2013Interesting; I never had any idea that alcoholism could still affect families for generations after the last drinking alcoholic has died. I was very confused about this for awhile, but Codependent No More seems to have cleared it up.
One thing I find puzzling: why does there have to be powerlessness and a higher power to save us?
Anyway, I feel like the codependency book really covered this topic enough for me, and I've finished most of the interesting parts of this. No way I'm reading several hundred pages of people's horror stories with messed-up alcoholic situations. Thanks, though.
Note:
p. 29 "Those of us who haven't been associated with an alcoholic in many years can continue to react to alcoholic patterns of behavior as well. The low self-esteem that evolved as a result of past failures and episodes of abuse or neglect persists. For the love and attention we never received in the past, we look to people who are unavailable to us. We avoid conflict, but now do so with employers, other relatives, or authority figures rather than with the alcoholic... Many of us become so accustomed to living in chaos and crisis that we feel completely lost in its absence. Consequently, when everything is going well, we sabotage ourselves, creating a crisis."
This rings true, especially the part about looking to people who are unavailable.
One thing I find puzzling: why does there have to be powerlessness and a higher power to save us?
Anyway, I feel like the codependency book really covered this topic enough for me, and I've finished most of the interesting parts of this. No way I'm reading several hundred pages of people's horror stories with messed-up alcoholic situations. Thanks, though.
Note:
p. 29 "Those of us who haven't been associated with an alcoholic in many years can continue to react to alcoholic patterns of behavior as well. The low self-esteem that evolved as a result of past failures and episodes of abuse or neglect persists. For the love and attention we never received in the past, we look to people who are unavailable to us. We avoid conflict, but now do so with employers, other relatives, or authority figures rather than with the alcoholic... Many of us become so accustomed to living in chaos and crisis that we feel completely lost in its absence. Consequently, when everything is going well, we sabotage ourselves, creating a crisis."
This rings true, especially the part about looking to people who are unavailable.
May 26, 2008
Another excellent piece of Al-Anon literature. I haven't read the whole book cover to cover but I really enjoy looking up topics in the index and reading the experience, strength and hope on applying the Al-Anon ideas to my recovery. Highly recommended!
December 7, 2011
Found a lot to connect to in each section/chapter/story. I read it from cover to cover. Great for those in or thinking about joining Al-Anon and want to know just what the program aims to do and how people have benefitted from it.
September 23, 2014
Sometimes funny, and sometimes terrifically sad, this was a nice primer on the al-anon program. Some of the stories were kind of boring. I'm sure I could read this in 10 years and enjoy different stories than I do today.
March 15, 2021
Everyone read
This book is meant foe anyone suffering from the sickness of alcoholism or is effected in any way by the alcoholics life. All of those people should read this book over and over.
This book is meant foe anyone suffering from the sickness of alcoholism or is effected in any way by the alcoholics life. All of those people should read this book over and over.
March 18, 2012
Great book and so helpful like all Al-Anon books. I was blown away by Chapter 11 - Detachment, Love & Forgiveness. That is truly a powerful piece of literature!
October 19, 2019
This book had some good tidbits of information in it. I definitely can understand better why people may act the way they do when they are an addict or a family member/friend of an addict. I didn’t know much about AA and I was actually disappointed in the encouraging of looking to a “higher power” for help. If it was just one option of how to deal with this then I would have rated the book higher. However, it was the main option and colored the other information. I agree more with evidence-based therapies.
July 22, 2015
This is my Big Book for Al-Anon and If used in conjunction with the Traditions and Concepts in my Daily Life, I do get Peace and Serenity along with my Daily Devotional books..... And of course my meeting's and Sponsor.....
January 16, 2015
So grateful for a book that teaches about recovery for friends & family of alcoholics. It's a book of hope, guidance & a light at the end of what was a very long dark tunnel that seemed to never end.
April 28, 2018
You can’t ignore the religious or sexual politics contextualizing the program... but there’s no doubt this has helped many people. Despite my frustrations with it, it has helped shed light on my own patterns, and I’m grateful for that.
Read
July 28, 2008It's always a good thing to review material like this to remain emotionally healthy.
April 14, 2013
Very informative and helpful to understanding alcoholism and addiction. Also many pamphlets that are beneficial.
Read
August 1, 2022It is courageous for anyone to write about a major disease and its effects on the family from their vantage point. Recovery is important even if the drinker keeps drinking or is no longer around.
April 26, 2014
Stories for and about persons who have alcoholic friends or family members. Good to hear 'how it works'.
September 21, 2014
Life changing and every time I open it I learn something new about myself. I love Al-Anon.
February 11, 2025
English Review: (Spanish below)
At first, I wasn’t sure if Al-Anon meetings were for me. I had attended a few but didn’t feel fully connected to the program. However, reading the Al-Anon book changed everything. Through its pages, I not only learned about the concepts, steps, and principles of Al-Anon, but I also found deep comfort in the shared experiences of others. No book has ever made me cry as much as this one, as I came to understand just how much I had been affected by the disease of alcoholism in those close to me. It also opened my eyes to the ways this has shaped me into someone with character defects that I am now willing to change. Thanks to this literature, I now have the tools to transform myself, and my group provides the space to put them into practice. This book gave me the clarity and courage to keep coming back.
Reseña en Español:
Al principio, no estaba segura de que las reuniones de Al-Anon fueran para mí. Había asistido a algunas, pero no sentía una conexión real con el programa. Sin embargo, leer el libro de Al-Anon lo cambió todo. A través de sus páginas, no solo aprendí sobre los conceptos, pasos y principios de Al-Anon, sino que también encontré un profundo consuelo en las experiencias compartidas por otras personas. Ningún libro me ha hecho llorar tanto como este, al darme cuenta de cuánto me ha afectado la enfermedad del alcoholismo en personas cercanas a mí. También me ayudó a ver cómo esto ha influido en mi carácter, llevándome a desarrollar defectos que hoy estoy dispuesta a cambiar. Gracias a esta literatura, ahora tengo las herramientas para transformarme, y mi grupo me brinda el espacio para ponerlas en práctica. Este libro me dio la claridad y el valor para seguir asistiendo.
At first, I wasn’t sure if Al-Anon meetings were for me. I had attended a few but didn’t feel fully connected to the program. However, reading the Al-Anon book changed everything. Through its pages, I not only learned about the concepts, steps, and principles of Al-Anon, but I also found deep comfort in the shared experiences of others. No book has ever made me cry as much as this one, as I came to understand just how much I had been affected by the disease of alcoholism in those close to me. It also opened my eyes to the ways this has shaped me into someone with character defects that I am now willing to change. Thanks to this literature, I now have the tools to transform myself, and my group provides the space to put them into practice. This book gave me the clarity and courage to keep coming back.
Reseña en Español:
Al principio, no estaba segura de que las reuniones de Al-Anon fueran para mí. Había asistido a algunas, pero no sentía una conexión real con el programa. Sin embargo, leer el libro de Al-Anon lo cambió todo. A través de sus páginas, no solo aprendí sobre los conceptos, pasos y principios de Al-Anon, sino que también encontré un profundo consuelo en las experiencias compartidas por otras personas. Ningún libro me ha hecho llorar tanto como este, al darme cuenta de cuánto me ha afectado la enfermedad del alcoholismo en personas cercanas a mí. También me ayudó a ver cómo esto ha influido en mi carácter, llevándome a desarrollar defectos que hoy estoy dispuesta a cambiar. Gracias a esta literatura, ahora tengo las herramientas para transformarme, y mi grupo me brinda el espacio para ponerlas en práctica. Este libro me dio la claridad y el valor para seguir asistiendo.
January 12, 2024
This book is the “Big Book” of the Al Anon program. I have able to listen to the book several times since I have joined the program. The book was life saving and powerful to heal myself since my codependency was as bad as my other disease.
Just like the “Big Book” in my other program, all the personal stories in this book gave me spiritual moments: extremely difficult but beautiful feelings. I have learned so much about myself and what I wanted while I was repeatedly reading this book.
I will recommend this book to those who believe their codependency is originated from alcoholism of their loved one.
Just like the “Big Book” in my other program, all the personal stories in this book gave me spiritual moments: extremely difficult but beautiful feelings. I have learned so much about myself and what I wanted while I was repeatedly reading this book.
I will recommend this book to those who believe their codependency is originated from alcoholism of their loved one.
Read
April 1, 2020I admit it, psychology interests me. Al-Anon is essentially lay group therapy. It is a safe (low-cost) place to share, as the book phrases it, ‘Experience, Strength, and hope with other people who are, shall we say ‘codependent’ or whose goals are to improve and build on mutual goals when working, living, understanding, being with others; a way to move beyond selfishness to compassion. This book is the handbook to Al-Anon. Al-Anon does not replace professional psychotherapy, it isn’t for everyone but it has stood the test of time and is available worldwide.
January 9, 2022
Excellent guide to help people struggling with how to deal with alcoholism is their family. It not only includes a step by step approach, but also includes stories of people who have use this program to successfully heal their emotional wounds and acquire peace. In fact, book could help anyone that come from a dysfunctional family or for anyone dealing with trauma beyond their control which caused them to become dysfunctional.
February 8, 2022
I love this book a great deal. From the opening pages that let you know you are not alone if you are familiar with the insanity of alcoholism, to the stories told that weave familiar narratives from loved ones of alcoholics, this is a gift that keeps on giving. I have turned to it time and time again, especially to contemplate the steps, the traditions, and the slogans with more earnestness.
My home group decided to gift this to any newcomer who makes it three meetings - a gift indeed!
My home group decided to gift this to any newcomer who makes it three meetings - a gift indeed!
November 12, 2020
This one. I've read it several times and each time I forget the first lesson I learned the last time. This nondescript cover with the banal title is hiding deep truths with lots of opportunities for personal growth. The interpretation for that is I will cry hard causing my nose to run in a most embarrassing fashion.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews