What do you think?
Rate this book


224 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2001

MICHAEL
When she was without money, before she had the restaurant, Lorene had only her beauty, her taste, and her style to recommend her.
MINA
She had a laser accuracy for reading other people's desires and vanities...
MICHAEL
...and she could help them actualise those desires as styles and traits and purchasable objects in the world...
MINA
It's a pity Lorene had to quit consulting, end her career as a life-stylist...
MICHAEL
It was inevitable though. She'd finally become so stark and minimalist, so desperate for simplicity and purity, that if she continued she'd need a stylist herself...
MINA
She was obsessed but detached at the same time...
MICHAEL
She was abstracting herself...to a kind of philosophical autism. It's like falling off a cliff, and then you're stuck in a labyrinth of solipsism.
MINA
Still, she drew on six decades of fashion mistakes all juxtaposed, recontextualised, 'deconstructed' by people who really believed fashion was the heart of subversion.
MICHAEL
Fashion is a form of daydreaming.
MINA
I prefer movies.
MICHAEL
You look more like a person in a movie than any person I've ever met.
MINA
I have so many reference points in my head, as many as the memories of my own life.
MICHAEL
Movies?
MINA
Yes… they’ve become nearly equally weighted, the memories of my actual life and the memories of the movies I’ve seen…
MICHAEL
Is there finally that much difference?
MINA
I sometimes think that if someone saw all the movies I’ve seen, the number of times I’ve seen them and in the order I’ve seen them, that person might know exactly who I am...
MICHAEL
That couldn't really be true...
MINA
...but if it was half true, it’d be like my identity was like a collection of references.
MICHAEL
So what occupies you, if not some performance of yourself?
MINA
I’ve just begun to locate my need to be filmed - is it perhaps a particularly female perception...that women are in a way programmed to be animated by the attention of others?...It's as if I am actually being watched...
MICHAEL
Wouldn’t being filmed unhinge your desire, the alchemy of what you are?
MINA
It makes me feel as if I’m somewhere else, some world of bodies and touch, of thought-effacing pleasure.
MICHAEL
It actually has to be pleasurable as well as high-concept. Not just abstract pontificating about the nature of the camera's gaze!
MINA
I desire to be extraordinary in some way.
MICHAEL
You think you can achieve it through sex?
MINA
The cold reality of sex, the way it makes you bodied and exposed to someone not you, my God, the reveling in the body, the hushed words that fly, the desperate feelings...
MICHAEL
...the whispered affections for different body parts...
MINA
There are so many alternative fictions at work in my life right now...secrets, lies, fictions...
MICHAEL
Everyone has secrets.
MINA
The discretion of female sexuality, its secret demureness, its endless interiority - yes, it is secret - solitary and contained at all times.
MICHAEL
It's not necessarily something I want to be cured of - desire.
MINA
I saw this boy today. No more than 18. His gaze travelled right past me. He was completely indifferent to me.
MICHAEL
No look back?
MINA
He gave me no look back!
MICHAEL
I can't believe it.
MINA
I am only thirty-two, and I am invisible to this guy.
MICHAEL
I can’t bear to think of you in the throes of ennui…
MINA
...and then I saw the rest of my life stretched out before me. In a flash. The slow, excruciating dismantling of me as an object of desire.
MICHAEL
No!
MINA
I would no longer command desire. And I felt so upset by this future...
MICHAEL
Maybe it was just the quality of the difference between you, beyond age or gender or geography, but a categorical difference, an absolute, italic difference all the same.
MINA
I want somebody to touch me with reverent slowness.
MICHAEL
A massage...a California come-on...
MINA
For just one time, I want to feel electric and possible.
MICHAEL
Yes!
MINA
Why can't I get what I desire?
MICHAEL
Don't look at me, sister!
MINA
Well, I'm from fucking California and I want a goddamn answer!