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Life of the Beloved
The real 'work' of prayer is to become silent and listen to the voice that says good things about me.
Life of the Beloved asks how one can live a spiritual life in a Western secular culture. The greatest challenge, concludes Nouwen, is to bridge the gap between secular and sacred within the self as a human being loved by God.
162 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1992
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13738 people want to read
About the author
Henri J.M. Nouwen
453 books2,167 followersHenri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.
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June 15, 2025
Guess what? YOU - little nondescript YOU, searching out friends or UNfriends out there in lonely cyberspace - yes you, ARE THE BELOVED!
You, glorious YOU.
(Who loves ya, baby???
GOD DOES.)
We may NOT think we Need the Life of the Beloved now, but when the sheer brute force of circumstance brings us down - cowering, right to our knees, as may soon happen to many of us - we may well reconsider.
What is the Life of the Beloved?
It is a life shared by believers everywhere, whom God has turned around - to see and accept Him: on YOUR terms.
Just as and where you are - WHEREVER that happens to be - no matter HOW bashed and embittered you are.
These folks like you have become bashed and ruined by their insights into the Truth about themselves: we ARE ALL hypocrites.
For finding your true self can be suddenly seeing THROUGH our own lies to the Real You.
But that in turn becomes a life of sheer love - love in the sense of Agape and NOT Eros - for only then Agape can become Universal.
Cause if it is erotic, you can be darned sure it won’t be shared everywhere without distinction -
That is a hard fact of life. Some folks have scruples. And the good manners to avoid boorish things.
***
So for one thing, it’s not an easy way, this Life of the Beloved, its simple Agape...
But you’re otherwise gonna be sent tumbling to your knees endlessly by the trolls and Pharisees. And by God - like in this current crisis.
And so what do you do if you fall?
You stay there, and you Pray for those Trolls. And then you turn the other cheek.
And before you know it, as both Nouwen and The Heidelberg Catechism tell us, staying there on our knees peacefully is Our Only Comfort.
Sound like a tall order?
It is - and Henri Nouwen and I both know that.
But we just do it.
And do you know what?
Succeed or Fail - it’s the Way.
When eventually we pick ourselves up and get back in the Race - like Sinatra - we’ve gotta merely say cheerfully, “that’s life!” And try to smile away the pain.
For by doing that we see our own face.
And become Broken... but NOT ASHAMED OF OUR BROKENNESS!
But you know what else - something that might REALLY surprise you?
Nouwen says elsewhere that that will only prove, overall in our life, that the single way to achieve a state of real Peace and Love - is to be Blessed, Broken and Shared, like altar bread.
Now that’s rum.
T’ain’t far wrong, folks!
Are you READY to be blessed, broken and shared throughout your life?
Is THIS the Life of the Beloved?
To be trammelled like the Lord, Broken like His bread and His body by everyone - INCLUDING -
YOURSELF?
Et tu, Brute?
If you see it, you see God’s loving, adamant Face. Two sides.
Because that’s the way it is. It’s the Open Way - as Frost implies in Directive.
There’s really nothing in it for US in the end.
Except the joy of love.
But - who else will stay with you after your last gasp?
The truth is in the tasting...
I’m a hypocrite, don’t take it from me -
I continually fail at what I do.
But I’m taking no chances.
So if I succeed or fail, He’s there.
You, glorious YOU.
(Who loves ya, baby???
GOD DOES.)
We may NOT think we Need the Life of the Beloved now, but when the sheer brute force of circumstance brings us down - cowering, right to our knees, as may soon happen to many of us - we may well reconsider.
What is the Life of the Beloved?
It is a life shared by believers everywhere, whom God has turned around - to see and accept Him: on YOUR terms.
Just as and where you are - WHEREVER that happens to be - no matter HOW bashed and embittered you are.
These folks like you have become bashed and ruined by their insights into the Truth about themselves: we ARE ALL hypocrites.
For finding your true self can be suddenly seeing THROUGH our own lies to the Real You.
But that in turn becomes a life of sheer love - love in the sense of Agape and NOT Eros - for only then Agape can become Universal.
Cause if it is erotic, you can be darned sure it won’t be shared everywhere without distinction -
That is a hard fact of life. Some folks have scruples. And the good manners to avoid boorish things.
***
So for one thing, it’s not an easy way, this Life of the Beloved, its simple Agape...
But you’re otherwise gonna be sent tumbling to your knees endlessly by the trolls and Pharisees. And by God - like in this current crisis.
And so what do you do if you fall?
You stay there, and you Pray for those Trolls. And then you turn the other cheek.
And before you know it, as both Nouwen and The Heidelberg Catechism tell us, staying there on our knees peacefully is Our Only Comfort.
Sound like a tall order?
It is - and Henri Nouwen and I both know that.
But we just do it.
And do you know what?
Succeed or Fail - it’s the Way.
When eventually we pick ourselves up and get back in the Race - like Sinatra - we’ve gotta merely say cheerfully, “that’s life!” And try to smile away the pain.
For by doing that we see our own face.
And become Broken... but NOT ASHAMED OF OUR BROKENNESS!
But you know what else - something that might REALLY surprise you?
Nouwen says elsewhere that that will only prove, overall in our life, that the single way to achieve a state of real Peace and Love - is to be Blessed, Broken and Shared, like altar bread.
Now that’s rum.
T’ain’t far wrong, folks!
Are you READY to be blessed, broken and shared throughout your life?
Is THIS the Life of the Beloved?
To be trammelled like the Lord, Broken like His bread and His body by everyone - INCLUDING -
YOURSELF?
Et tu, Brute?
If you see it, you see God’s loving, adamant Face. Two sides.
Because that’s the way it is. It’s the Open Way - as Frost implies in Directive.
There’s really nothing in it for US in the end.
Except the joy of love.
But - who else will stay with you after your last gasp?
The truth is in the tasting...
I’m a hypocrite, don’t take it from me -
I continually fail at what I do.
But I’m taking no chances.
So if I succeed or fail, He’s there.
April 1, 2012
While I love Nouwen, I was disappointed by this work. I found it to be a beautiful depiction of the Gospel message with one vital omission: Christ. He speaks of us as being (like the bread of the Eucharist) taken, blessed, broken, and given. It is a wonderful way of presenting the role we play in this world, and how God prepares us for this role. However, without the explanation of why we are broken and how we are blessed, the work rings hollow.
I find it interesting that in the epilogue Nouwen admits that his secular friend, for whom he wrote the book, didn't feel that the book addressed where he and his friends were at. I think that this speaks to the fact that the Gospel, stripped of "religious language" can be powerfully effective, but not if it also has the very heart removed.
If you want to read your first Nouwen, go with Return of the Prodigal or The Way of the Heart.
I find it interesting that in the epilogue Nouwen admits that his secular friend, for whom he wrote the book, didn't feel that the book addressed where he and his friends were at. I think that this speaks to the fact that the Gospel, stripped of "religious language" can be powerfully effective, but not if it also has the very heart removed.
If you want to read your first Nouwen, go with Return of the Prodigal or The Way of the Heart.
January 28, 2022
I cannot say enough good things about this book. I have already come back to it more than a handful of times to soak up the words again and again and again. I have always loved and wrestled with the idea of being beloved, and this book illuminated all of that. Originally written by Nouwen for a Jewish friend, I found it incredibly convicting and humbling and stunning as a lifelong Christian. I want to get the word beloved tattooed on my body to remind me forever of the core truth of my identity: I am His Beloved.
June 8, 2024
Definitely not a one and done little book. I especially liked the wisdom in the chapters on brokenness and death.
February 13, 2009
Parts of this book were incredibly good, but I can't recommend it unreservedly.
I resonated with his explanation of our being loved by God, missing that point, and therefore trying to substitute affirmation from the world in place of God's love.
I disagreed with his premise that we can influence this world as spirits after we die. I think that's Catholic vs evangelical theology.
But at the end, it turned out that he missed the mark. The book was written to a friend, a secular Jewish man, who asked Nouwen to "speak to us about the deepest yearning of our hearts, ...." And in the end, Nouwen wasn't able to do that.
I believe the failure to bridge the gap between secular and spiritual is due to his omission of sin and repentance. In his earnest desire to invite his friend to a spiritual life, he neglects to mention that there is a cost.
Yes, God loves all of us. But in order to claim that "belovedness" we have to acknowledge our unworthiness and rebellion. We need to come before God on the basis of Jesus' acceptability, not our own. Only then can we say "yes" to God.
In short, Nouwen leaves out the Gospel.
I resonated with his explanation of our being loved by God, missing that point, and therefore trying to substitute affirmation from the world in place of God's love.
I disagreed with his premise that we can influence this world as spirits after we die. I think that's Catholic vs evangelical theology.
But at the end, it turned out that he missed the mark. The book was written to a friend, a secular Jewish man, who asked Nouwen to "speak to us about the deepest yearning of our hearts, ...." And in the end, Nouwen wasn't able to do that.
I believe the failure to bridge the gap between secular and spiritual is due to his omission of sin and repentance. In his earnest desire to invite his friend to a spiritual life, he neglects to mention that there is a cost.
Yes, God loves all of us. But in order to claim that "belovedness" we have to acknowledge our unworthiness and rebellion. We need to come before God on the basis of Jesus' acceptability, not our own. Only then can we say "yes" to God.
In short, Nouwen leaves out the Gospel.
December 15, 2019
I think more of the book is stored away in my quote bank than not
February 6, 2017
Not in any way a hard read, but one I needed to take my time with, to let it settle in and make space for reflection and action.
It's seemed remarkably in tune with the relationships and topics on my heart right now, but I think perhaps it's a simple enough book and has enough wisdom that might always be true.
It was a nice moment to have it recommended as a source of comfort right now when I had just been reading it. I could go back to a specific passage and find it even more helpful in facing the death of one of the people I love most in the world.
Living with grief will never be easy, he doesn't claim it can, but I sent his words along to her because it gave such a beautiful way of seeing a life well lived and that's exactly what I wanted to express to her while I can.
It's seemed remarkably in tune with the relationships and topics on my heart right now, but I think perhaps it's a simple enough book and has enough wisdom that might always be true.
It was a nice moment to have it recommended as a source of comfort right now when I had just been reading it. I could go back to a specific passage and find it even more helpful in facing the death of one of the people I love most in the world.
Living with grief will never be easy, he doesn't claim it can, but I sent his words along to her because it gave such a beautiful way of seeing a life well lived and that's exactly what I wanted to express to her while I can.
November 24, 2021
This book became a horrible frustration for me to read. It started out well enough, but there were such gaps and glaring omissions and confusing logic that by the end I could barely read two pages in a row without having to put the book down. There are a few poignant points, which saves this book from getting one star, but overall this book doesn't say much that better books have said much better.
Henri Nouwen explains from the outset that this book is written to explain the spiritual life to secular people, specifically to fulfill the request of his secular Jewish friend to write a book that he and his friends "could hear." I was surprised and disappointed to discover that Nouwen answered this request in a narrow-minded, specific focus rather than trying to speak to the secular world at large. There are so many direct references that are specific to his friend's life and/or assume great familiarity with Jewish spiritual life and scriptures that I can't imagine this being that helpful to people who don't have a Judeo-Christian background that they are decently familiar with. Add to this lofty, flowery language about basically everything Nouwen talks about, and the book ends up a deeply-coded mess that is more suited for deeply spiritual believers.
The biggest and most egregious offense to me came because I was expecting this book to explain the CHRISTIAN life and reality to secular people. It wasn't an unreasonable expectation, as Nouwen speaks of having written other books that "were so explicitly Christian and so clearly based on a long life in the church" (20) that his friend couldn't find much support in them. But in his attempt to speak to his friend, Nouwen swings the pendulum too far the other way and completely omits any facet of the spiritual life that has to do with the Gospel. I kept waiting for him to talk about our sin, our need for a Savior, and how Jesus makes it possible for us to understand and fully accept this title of 'Beloved,' but none of those important words or concepts are even brushed upon in this book. Also absent is any kind of admonition or instruction on how or why the Christian life is lived differently as a result of this transforming love reality. The Christian life is completely devoid of its power without the truth of Christ, and so is this book. As a Christian, there were nuggets I could glean and, through the lens of my biblical and spiritual understanding, apply to my life, because through the Gospel I have experienced the acts of love that make Nouwen's words ring true. I would imagine someone without Judeo-Christian training or a lens to view the world or reality in a Christ-perspective would find this book filled with gushy, feel-good platitudes that had no weight of truth, like being gifted with a guard dog that had no teeth.
Another problem with this book complementary to the absence of the Gospel is that Nouwen describes the spiritual life practically absent from God until the last chapter (not counting the epilogue). God's role is reduced to little more than the proof of how good and wonderful we all are. There is no explanation of who he is, what he wants from/for us or why we should care, and almost nothing about having a relationship with us outside of him calling us the beloved. The only worship described or prescribed in this book is the worship of ourselves, a "You can be great if you realize you are loved because you are so special and great" kind of worship that seems to be the source of all Nouwen's insight and advice about the spiritual life (in this book). There seemed to little in here to differentiate it from the kind of "love yourself" self-help offered in grocery store magazine racks, only with even more flowery language and occasional references to Old Testament texts. There is some quotable wisdom and good advice, and it is a small and quick read (if you don't have to rage-quit every few pages like I did), but it wasn't quite worth my time. The biggest benefit I got from reading this book was a greater understanding of how the facets of Christian life that Nouwen omits are integral to living the life of the Beloved.
Edit: It's been years since I read this book but I think of it fairly often as a quintessential example of a terrible, unhelpful, not-quite-heretical-but-almost-as-bad book. The memories of rage-quitting this book multiple times is so strong in my mind that it is most of what I remember (besides it being devoid of the Gospel). But now, re-reading this review, I am baffled as to what possessed me to give this anything higher than one star? It's probably only worth half a star, but that's not within my power. But it IS within my power to rectify my egregious star inflation, so now the score is that much closer to expressing my true experience.
Henri Nouwen explains from the outset that this book is written to explain the spiritual life to secular people, specifically to fulfill the request of his secular Jewish friend to write a book that he and his friends "could hear." I was surprised and disappointed to discover that Nouwen answered this request in a narrow-minded, specific focus rather than trying to speak to the secular world at large. There are so many direct references that are specific to his friend's life and/or assume great familiarity with Jewish spiritual life and scriptures that I can't imagine this being that helpful to people who don't have a Judeo-Christian background that they are decently familiar with. Add to this lofty, flowery language about basically everything Nouwen talks about, and the book ends up a deeply-coded mess that is more suited for deeply spiritual believers.
The biggest and most egregious offense to me came because I was expecting this book to explain the CHRISTIAN life and reality to secular people. It wasn't an unreasonable expectation, as Nouwen speaks of having written other books that "were so explicitly Christian and so clearly based on a long life in the church" (20) that his friend couldn't find much support in them. But in his attempt to speak to his friend, Nouwen swings the pendulum too far the other way and completely omits any facet of the spiritual life that has to do with the Gospel. I kept waiting for him to talk about our sin, our need for a Savior, and how Jesus makes it possible for us to understand and fully accept this title of 'Beloved,' but none of those important words or concepts are even brushed upon in this book. Also absent is any kind of admonition or instruction on how or why the Christian life is lived differently as a result of this transforming love reality. The Christian life is completely devoid of its power without the truth of Christ, and so is this book. As a Christian, there were nuggets I could glean and, through the lens of my biblical and spiritual understanding, apply to my life, because through the Gospel I have experienced the acts of love that make Nouwen's words ring true. I would imagine someone without Judeo-Christian training or a lens to view the world or reality in a Christ-perspective would find this book filled with gushy, feel-good platitudes that had no weight of truth, like being gifted with a guard dog that had no teeth.
Another problem with this book complementary to the absence of the Gospel is that Nouwen describes the spiritual life practically absent from God until the last chapter (not counting the epilogue). God's role is reduced to little more than the proof of how good and wonderful we all are. There is no explanation of who he is, what he wants from/for us or why we should care, and almost nothing about having a relationship with us outside of him calling us the beloved. The only worship described or prescribed in this book is the worship of ourselves, a "You can be great if you realize you are loved because you are so special and great" kind of worship that seems to be the source of all Nouwen's insight and advice about the spiritual life (in this book). There seemed to little in here to differentiate it from the kind of "love yourself" self-help offered in grocery store magazine racks, only with even more flowery language and occasional references to Old Testament texts. There is some quotable wisdom and good advice, and it is a small and quick read (if you don't have to rage-quit every few pages like I did), but it wasn't quite worth my time. The biggest benefit I got from reading this book was a greater understanding of how the facets of Christian life that Nouwen omits are integral to living the life of the Beloved.
Edit: It's been years since I read this book but I think of it fairly often as a quintessential example of a terrible, unhelpful, not-quite-heretical-but-almost-as-bad book. The memories of rage-quitting this book multiple times is so strong in my mind that it is most of what I remember (besides it being devoid of the Gospel). But now, re-reading this review, I am baffled as to what possessed me to give this anything higher than one star? It's probably only worth half a star, but that's not within my power. But it IS within my power to rectify my egregious star inflation, so now the score is that much closer to expressing my true experience.
December 29, 2022
Turns out that I, too, am the beloved. Not a bad gig..
May 29, 2025
I would like to personally recommend this book to the whole world. There wasn’t a concept in this book that I hadn’t heard before, and yet I found myself struck by the writing style as an intimate conversation between friends. I simultaneously want to start rereading it right now and give it to someone else to read asap. This might just be my favorite book ever.
July 25, 2020
When we keep claiming the light, we will find ourselves becoming more and more radiant.
I was talking with a friend recently about the tumult of life, how it can frustrate and embitter. You can spiral into depression when you feel you have no control or power to affect your own life. It is critical to ground your life in something immutable or you will be jerked around by constant change. Henri Nouwen shares in this slim letter the root of his own resilience. In a world that shouts you are no good, you are ugly, you are worthless, you are despicable, you are nobody, where you even reject yourself, it can be hard to hear what Nouwen calls the most intimate truth of all human beings - that you are beloved by God.
I thought this book might be too simplistic but the more I read it, the more it's simple truths resonated with me. This book is for you if you're looking for someone to give voice to the struggle of feeling unwanted, even if you don't necessarily believe in God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit (note this is not a book that directly preaches the Gospel so don't expect that). It is also for you if you need a reminder that you are very much wanted and how to help others feel wanted too. It may not be for you if you can't push past the almost too self aware writing style. If you pick this up and find it full of Christian terms that are not relatable, I'd say that's the opportunity for us to have a fascinating conversation.
To kick start the conversation, below are some of the ideas in this book I found valuable. SPOILER ALERT!
Being beloved is one thing, but becoming the beloved is another matter altogether. It means that everything we think, say or do is rooted in feeling securely loved. That sounds ridiculously impossible to do all the time. Nouwen says the key to this is being taken/chosen, blessed, broken, and given.
Nouwen points out that when one person is chosen, another person often feels rejected. However when God chooses to love you, Instead of excluding others, it includes others. Instead of rejecting others as less valuable, it accepts others in their own uniqueness. Instead of making us feel that we are better, more precious or valuable than others, our awareness of being chosen opens our eyes to the chosenness of others. Nouwen is convinced the first step to healing is not a step away from pain, but a step towards it. But our greatest fulfillment lies in giving ourselves to others. The real question is not "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we be for each other?"
Eternal life then is the full revelation of what we have lived all along. Joy and suffering are aspects of the same phenomenon of being beloved, in the same way that extreme cold burns (quoting French philosopher Jacques Maritain). That is the secret to staying joyful, at peace and grounded no matter what you encounter in life or death.
I was talking with a friend recently about the tumult of life, how it can frustrate and embitter. You can spiral into depression when you feel you have no control or power to affect your own life. It is critical to ground your life in something immutable or you will be jerked around by constant change. Henri Nouwen shares in this slim letter the root of his own resilience. In a world that shouts you are no good, you are ugly, you are worthless, you are despicable, you are nobody, where you even reject yourself, it can be hard to hear what Nouwen calls the most intimate truth of all human beings - that you are beloved by God.
I thought this book might be too simplistic but the more I read it, the more it's simple truths resonated with me. This book is for you if you're looking for someone to give voice to the struggle of feeling unwanted, even if you don't necessarily believe in God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit (note this is not a book that directly preaches the Gospel so don't expect that). It is also for you if you need a reminder that you are very much wanted and how to help others feel wanted too. It may not be for you if you can't push past the almost too self aware writing style. If you pick this up and find it full of Christian terms that are not relatable, I'd say that's the opportunity for us to have a fascinating conversation.
To kick start the conversation, below are some of the ideas in this book I found valuable. SPOILER ALERT!
Being beloved is one thing, but becoming the beloved is another matter altogether. It means that everything we think, say or do is rooted in feeling securely loved. That sounds ridiculously impossible to do all the time. Nouwen says the key to this is being taken/chosen, blessed, broken, and given.
Nouwen points out that when one person is chosen, another person often feels rejected. However when God chooses to love you, Instead of excluding others, it includes others. Instead of rejecting others as less valuable, it accepts others in their own uniqueness. Instead of making us feel that we are better, more precious or valuable than others, our awareness of being chosen opens our eyes to the chosenness of others. Nouwen is convinced the first step to healing is not a step away from pain, but a step towards it. But our greatest fulfillment lies in giving ourselves to others. The real question is not "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we be for each other?"
Eternal life then is the full revelation of what we have lived all along. Joy and suffering are aspects of the same phenomenon of being beloved, in the same way that extreme cold burns (quoting French philosopher Jacques Maritain). That is the secret to staying joyful, at peace and grounded no matter what you encounter in life or death.
September 27, 2022
I should just give in and schedule time to reread this every year, shouldn’t I
June 28, 2025
I liked the book but I also agree with Ava’s review so just go read that.
March 10, 2023
Henri Nouwen gets it. He gets what so many people miss: the importance of viewing yourself how God sees you… as His Beloved. He writes in a way that almost feels counter-cultural to the way most Christian books are written these days: without any Christian jargon. The book was only 155 pages and boy did I take my time, and I’m glad I did. After each page, I needed to take a breath and just sit in the simple truth that I am deeply loved, and not only that, but I am also deeply liked, by my Father; and as much as I hate to admit it, that is constantly a tough pill for me to swallow. I truly think that everyone needs to read this book. We live in a world that wants to convince us that we will never be good enough, not even to our own standards, but Nouwen wants to challenge us to stop and listen to the good things that God says about us, because we are so quick to forget.
April 20, 2011
I've only read one Nouwen book that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed. After reading Life of the Beloved, I've still only read one Nouwen book that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed (and I can't remember the name of that one). This book was, however, different from most of his other books, but his humility and love for God and people still seeped through every page. I loved this book for its simplicity and down-to-earthness. No high and lofty theology here - just the basics. We're human: broken and imperfect, but God loves us and gives us each other to love.
February 6, 2021
Ah where to begin? I’m not sure I can review this properly until I give it some time. Let me just say this feels like one of those “top 10” books of my life that I’ll return to over and over again and it will speak to me in different ways in different seasons. We’ll see what life holds :) but I know I’d recommend this book to anybody!
February 21, 2026
This book is one of the most amazing theological books I’ve ever read. I think oftentimes, theological books can become very content heavy, feeling overwhelming and like you’re missing something and not doing anything right. They tend to neglect the fact that simply, we are God’s Beloved. So what does it look like to live in this?
And this book did that so beautifully. It was easy to read and understand, Henri’s writing feels so intentional and kind. The stories he uses and analogies he makes are really good at connecting to his main point. He has a way with words and such a sweet voice throughout the whole book.
I would recommend this book to everyone I meet. It’s a great book to do for your quiet time and sit with and reflect on. I never once felt discouraged or belittled while reading this. Sometimes content heavy books can make me feel that way, like I’m not doing enough for God. But this one did the opposite. It highlighted my Belovedness and what it looks like as we grow older and learn to truly live out of this. This book will be something I reread forever. 10/10.
And this book did that so beautifully. It was easy to read and understand, Henri’s writing feels so intentional and kind. The stories he uses and analogies he makes are really good at connecting to his main point. He has a way with words and such a sweet voice throughout the whole book.
I would recommend this book to everyone I meet. It’s a great book to do for your quiet time and sit with and reflect on. I never once felt discouraged or belittled while reading this. Sometimes content heavy books can make me feel that way, like I’m not doing enough for God. But this one did the opposite. It highlighted my Belovedness and what it looks like as we grow older and learn to truly live out of this. This book will be something I reread forever. 10/10.
January 12, 2021
A really quick read. Nouwen has always been one of my favorites. I love that this was a letter to a friend. It refreshed me, much like The Ragamuffin Gospel, in a way that I need right now.
October 9, 2021
Leant to me by one of the university chaplains. While certain insights make me interested to read more by Nouwen, this book didn't resonate with me. It just seemed aimed at a different audience - at one suffering from profound self-rejection and seeking approval; feelings which, I am thankful, do not apply to me. In relation to that comes the following quote, which particularly irked me, as it simply does not correpsond to my view of the world: "First of all, you have to keep unmasking the world about you for what it is: manipulative, controlling, power-hungry, and, in the long run, destructive." I acknowledge that the adjectives certainly apply in many contexts and circumstances. But I do not think they correspond to the world *unmasked* and *in the long run*. On the contrary.
January 3, 2019
"From the moment I was helped to experience my interpersonal addiction as an expression of a need for total surrender to a loving God who would fulfill the deepest desires of my heart, I started to live my dependency in a radically new way. Instead of living it in shame and embarrassment, I was able to live it as an urgent invitation to claim God's unconditional love for myself, a love I can depend on without fear."
I think I may have found my new favorite book.
I think I may have found my new favorite book.
April 8, 2022
Really consoling if you are passing times of trouble and darkness .
Henri J.M. Newer is a man who speaks from the heart, is honest and sincere.
The whole book is like speaking with a good friend who understands your brokenness and the difficulties of living in a secular world
Henri J.M. Newer is a man who speaks from the heart, is honest and sincere.
The whole book is like speaking with a good friend who understands your brokenness and the difficulties of living in a secular world
July 8, 2024
This whole book reminded of me of the scene when Aslan—creator, sustainer, upholder of the universe—comforts Lucy after she overhears two classmates admit they don't actually like her very much.
June 18, 2025
there's something about this writing that feels a bit floaty, a bit hard to grasp, not concrete. but reflecting upon _being beloved_ is really something we ought to be doing more.
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February 22, 2023Very timely read for me. Nouwen writes like you wish your pastor would talk to you. Great short read for those who need to be reminded they are loved.
December 23, 2025
I love this book and it was even sweeter the second time! Such a sweet reminder that we are His deeply Beloved children and we have such freedom to live in our Belovedness!
September 28, 2025
I’m helping lead a Fall Retreat this year centered around this book, so I thought I’d read it first.
Nouwen tries to write a book explaining the spiritual life to his secular friend, avoiding Catholic language for the most part and simplifying everything so it’s easy to understand. His friend told him that he didn’t do a good job, but he received feedback from some Christians who said the text helped them better understand their faith, and I feel the same way. Sure, the language wasn’t explicitly Catholic, but there was a lot I had to (and do) understand to get anything out of this book. I got a lot out of this book. It made me think the deepest I have ever thought about God’s individual love for me. It made me understand in a new way what a blessing really is. It made me appreciate suffering, a topic that I’ve been learning to appreciate recently. And it made me get excited about my death. It was a quick read, but I could say so many good things about this book. I will just say that my favorite part was when Nouwen broke down the meaning of a blessing, what it actually means to be blessed, and he (almost off-handedly) mentioned that benediction (which I know in Eucharistic terms) means at its root “to speak well of”.
Amazing amazing, our retreat is gonna be so sick.
Nouwen tries to write a book explaining the spiritual life to his secular friend, avoiding Catholic language for the most part and simplifying everything so it’s easy to understand. His friend told him that he didn’t do a good job, but he received feedback from some Christians who said the text helped them better understand their faith, and I feel the same way. Sure, the language wasn’t explicitly Catholic, but there was a lot I had to (and do) understand to get anything out of this book. I got a lot out of this book. It made me think the deepest I have ever thought about God’s individual love for me. It made me understand in a new way what a blessing really is. It made me appreciate suffering, a topic that I’ve been learning to appreciate recently. And it made me get excited about my death. It was a quick read, but I could say so many good things about this book. I will just say that my favorite part was when Nouwen broke down the meaning of a blessing, what it actually means to be blessed, and he (almost off-handedly) mentioned that benediction (which I know in Eucharistic terms) means at its root “to speak well of”.
Amazing amazing, our retreat is gonna be so sick.
November 12, 2024
Henri :’)🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 Could be in the running for my favorite book of the year, and definitely one I will come back to time and time again. This book beautifully and simply illustrates the realities of the Christian life in the new covenant.
PER USUAL….favorite quotes:
“The unfathomable mystery of God is that God is a Lover who wants to be loved. The one who created us is waiting for our response to the love that gave us our being. God not only says: ‘You are my Beloved.’ God also asks: ‘Do you love me?’ and offers us countless chances to say ‘Yes.’ That is the spiritual life: the chance to say ‘Yes’ to our inner truth. The spiritual life, thus understood, radically changes everything.”
“The deep truth is that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means to it. The great secret of the spiritual life, the life of the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God, is that everything we live, be it gladness or sadness, joy or pain, health or illness, can all be part of the journey toward the full realization of our humanity.”
“I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved". Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.”
PER USUAL….favorite quotes:
“The unfathomable mystery of God is that God is a Lover who wants to be loved. The one who created us is waiting for our response to the love that gave us our being. God not only says: ‘You are my Beloved.’ God also asks: ‘Do you love me?’ and offers us countless chances to say ‘Yes.’ That is the spiritual life: the chance to say ‘Yes’ to our inner truth. The spiritual life, thus understood, radically changes everything.”
“The deep truth is that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means to it. The great secret of the spiritual life, the life of the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God, is that everything we live, be it gladness or sadness, joy or pain, health or illness, can all be part of the journey toward the full realization of our humanity.”
“I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved". Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.”
November 4, 2010
Written by a priest to a Jewish friend to explain the spiritual in everyday terms and thoughts that a secular person would understand.
I don't believe he accomplished his goal and his friend attests to that. However I did pick up a few thoughts that are worthy.
~When we persist in looking at the shadow side, we will eventually end up in the dark.
~Every time we decide to be grateful it will be easier to see new things to be grateful for.
~You have to choose where it is that you want to live.
~The blessed one always blesses.
~Our brokenness reveals something about who we are.
~First step to healing is not a step away from the pain but a step toward it.
~Broken glass shines brightly.
~We are chose, blessed and broken to be given.
~Life finds its fulfillment in giving.
~Just as bread needs to be broken in order to be given, so do our lives.
~More important than our talents are our gifts.
~The greatest gift I have to offer is my own joy of living, my own inner peace, my own silence and solitude, my own sense of well-being.
~The real question is not "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we be for each other?"
I don't believe he accomplished his goal and his friend attests to that. However I did pick up a few thoughts that are worthy.
~When we persist in looking at the shadow side, we will eventually end up in the dark.
~Every time we decide to be grateful it will be easier to see new things to be grateful for.
~You have to choose where it is that you want to live.
~The blessed one always blesses.
~Our brokenness reveals something about who we are.
~First step to healing is not a step away from the pain but a step toward it.
~Broken glass shines brightly.
~We are chose, blessed and broken to be given.
~Life finds its fulfillment in giving.
~Just as bread needs to be broken in order to be given, so do our lives.
~More important than our talents are our gifts.
~The greatest gift I have to offer is my own joy of living, my own inner peace, my own silence and solitude, my own sense of well-being.
~The real question is not "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we be for each other?"
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March 2, 2026“When we continue to hear the deep gentle voice that blesses us, we can walk through life with a stable sense of well-being and true belonging” (74). “If we dare to embrace our solitude and befriend our silence, we will come to know that voice” (77).
A good reminder reread.
Original review: I think that reading the introduction and epilogue made all the difference for this book for me. I came into the writing with a background on the reasoning why Nouwen wrote the book the way that He did. He didnt mean for it to be this profound, heady piece of writing, but to talk about one's belovedness to the secular world. Read any kind of intro, epilogue, author's note etc people -- it matters!
A good reminder reread.
Original review: I think that reading the introduction and epilogue made all the difference for this book for me. I came into the writing with a background on the reasoning why Nouwen wrote the book the way that He did. He didnt mean for it to be this profound, heady piece of writing, but to talk about one's belovedness to the secular world. Read any kind of intro, epilogue, author's note etc people -- it matters!
October 18, 2023
This book was so good. I would recommend it to anyone.
He quotes Augustine saying, “My soul is restless until it rests in you O, God” and I feel like this captures the majority of this book - we are people with innate longings that are only satisfied by the Lord. when we allow Him to satisfy those longings, true abundant life comes.
He quotes Augustine saying, “My soul is restless until it rests in you O, God” and I feel like this captures the majority of this book - we are people with innate longings that are only satisfied by the Lord. when we allow Him to satisfy those longings, true abundant life comes.
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