Jane Austen's Guide to Dating

by Lauren Henderson

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." --Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice There was never a more astute chronicler of the hits and near-misses of love than Jane Austen. Now, she helps readers discover their inner heroines and get the guy in this witty book of romance and dating strategies. Utilizing wisdom inspired by Jane Austen's novels, from Sense and Sensibility to Pride and Prejudice and beyond, author Lauren Henderson creates an indispensable guide for navigating the all-too-mystifying dating scene. Harnessing the triumphs and pitfalls of Austen's classic characters, Henderson shows how qualities like honesty, self-awareness, and forthrightness always win the right man -- and still let you respect yourself in the morning. A completely new and amusing approach to dating, Jane Austen's Guide to Dating includes insightful personality quizzes that reveal which Jane Austen character you -- and your mate -- most resemble. Armed with this knowledge, you can learn what to do if you're a Lizzie, but the object of your affection is a Bingley. You can even find out how to gain the clearheadedness and confidence that Anne Elliot had and almost lost in Persuasion . Full of wit and truly useful advice that has stood the test of time, Jane Austen's Guide to Dating will help readers overcome the nonsense and find the sense (and sensibility) to succeed in a lasting relationship. Fans of Jane Austen and newcomers alike will delight in this fun, fresh, and audacious guide.

Genres: Nonfiction, Jane Austen, Romance, Chick Lit, Self Help, Relationships, Humor

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 12, 2005

About the author

Born in London in 1966, Lauren Henderson read English at university and then worked as a journalist for - among other publications - the New Statesman, Marxism Today, the Observer and Lime Lizard, a much-mourned indie music magazine. Lauren now divides her time between Italy and London and, when not wine-tasting, writes full-time.

Reviews

[Meredith (Austenesque Reviews) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first time reading a book about dating, it was not so much a self help book. It was more of a discussion of all the romantic characters in all six of Jane Austen's lovely novels. In the book you look at their relationships, personalities, and why it did or did not work out.

The book is broken down into ten chapters. Each chapter is a rule. Some of them are very helpful such as "If you like someone, make it clear that you do." In the chapter it stresses the point that you should not play hard to get and try to appear unavailable. Which I am very guilty of doing!

Each chapter has three references from three different novels, then like 6 stories about people in real situations in today's world. The author stresses that the world has changed since Jane Austen's time, yet the fundamental principals of falling in love are the same. If you love Jane Austen you will like this book, it is all about how her books teach us the proper way to find and fall in love with the right person. That is what the books of Jane Austen are all about, right? marrying for love? she would know , don't you think.

At the end of the book there is a quiz to see what kind of heroine you are and a summary of all Jan'es novels, and character analysis of romantic character good and bad!

I highly recommend this book for: anyone whole loves romance, loves Jane Austen, is in search of a Mr. Knightly or Mr. Darcy, keeps falling in love with Willoughby's and Wickhams's, and is . . . ahem . . still single!

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was not a good book. I'm not sure if it was the incongruity of using principles from Jane Austen to justify very modern sexual behaviors or if it was the fact that a good amount of information about Austen's books was wrong (the Crawfords came to the neighborhood of Mansfield Park to visit their half-sister NOT their aunt. And Henderson repeatedly accuses Willoughby's wife of being "bitchy" which is unfairly harsh).

I'm also 90% positive that the majority of the "real life" examples were made up or heavily edited to fit the principle it was meant to illustrate. Not that it mattered since most of the examples didn't really make sense anyways.


I would not recommend this book at all.

[Connie D · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fun book, giving dating advice based on Jane Austen's characters' flaws and strengths, good and bad relationships, Henderson's thoughts on how and why they work, and modern relationships that have undergone similar trials. As an Austen-lover, it was very entertaining. As someone who hasn't dated in decades, it was not a guide for me but was very clever and sensible as well.

[Darlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading it tremendously and never thought that it is actually a self help book and dating guides! The book has ten chapters. Each chapter is likely a rule. In one chapter it highlighted the point that you should not play hard to get and try to appear hard to resist.

Here are the 10 interesting chapters;

1. If you like someone, make it clear that you do.
2. Don't put your feelings on public display, unless they're fully reciprocated.
3. Don't play games or leads people on.
4. Have faith in your own instincts.
5. Don't fall for superficial qualities.
6. Look for someone who can bring out your best qualities
7. Don't settle.
8. Be witty if you can, but not cynical or cruel.
9. Be prepared to wait for the right person to come along (my favorite chapter).
10. If your lover need a reprimand, let him have it.

I was startled when I saw there's actually a quiz at the end of the book to see what kind of heroine you are and a summary of all Jane's novels, and character analysis of romantic character. Believe me I'm Emma type! Hah, funny how things like quizzes really affect me how I want to be one of Jane's heroine!

The dating's guide is somewhat hilarious and gives you some best of ideas for a modern type dating base on over 200 years old legend publication romance fiction. Which I also come up with a conclusion that it is OK to be who you are. Only, you have to follow the chapters #6. There is no rules you should follow, the #0, which there is no rule. If all the 10 rules can't be use or irrelevant, just stick to the rule #0.

[Almudena Romero sánchez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished long ago, I finally write some words about this quite entertaining book. I had never read a dating guide before and since I love Jane Austen, I found this title a very interesting one. I was curious about it.
It's worth having it, not just as a curious and interesting study about Jane Austen characters and their relationships, but as a clear insight into human ways of relating with each other ever. The author wisely compares different 'real life' couple relationships with those established by Jane Austen in her famous novels. I found this book surprinsingly refreshing and interesting. It's filled with wisdom and it becomes a clear and concise insight into human nature. I really trust if I ever wanted to follow an advise about how to relate with the other sex I would definitely find this guide a most interesting 'help' to have into consideration. It can be read into different separate chapters, you can skip to your favourite ones and even to come back anytime to those passages you found more interesting and humorous. Concise and wise. Loved it!

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

At one point in this book the author tells of her grandmother who said in her day there were skinny girls, bigger girls, and girls in between and a man who preferred a girl that looked like you. So there was no need for dieting. I think this goes not just for physical preference but characteristic preference too. Not to say we shouldn't improve ourselves but what one woman fancies I most certainly don't. While this book had some good points, and it was fun to see what lessons might be learned from Jane Austen novels, I decided, while reading it, that you marry who you fall in love with in spite of the annoying (do not date this kind of guy) traits he might have.

[Margie · Rating 2 out of 5]

A fun premise beaten like a dead horse. The chapters quickly become repetitive.

The perspective is disappointing; although much of it is sensible and well grounded, there's also a lot that is contradictory and anti-feminist. Perhaps I simply shouldn't be reading books about dating.

[Evangeline · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is going to sound really stupid, but I really didn't realise that this was an actual dating guide. I just thought it was another attention-seeking, non-literal book title, and would actually be a fictional story based around retelling a Jane Austen novel in a modern setting or something like that, which I'm a sucker for. But now that I know the truth, I am absolutely mortified and panic-strickenly creating theories about what must be running through the head of my charity-shop co-worker who served me when I bought this. Say for instance - 'Oh so the wee lamb is interested in snagging a man but having trouble going about it! Maybe she ought to have accepted that little, gnome-like man who likes to quibble over £1 for charity after all! Never mind, I'll help her! I'll find out if any of my friends' grandsons are single! Yay - project!!!!' Nooooooooooooooo, I'll never be able to look her in the eye again!!!

However, since in reality she has probably forgotten all about it, and giving a thought to the fact this book is serious with a serious readership who I don't want to disrespect, perhaps a calmer, more diplomatic response would be this; although I personally would not normally read a dating guide, I must concede that this one based around the wisdom of Jane Austen has much sounder advice than many of those by modern 'gurus', whose advice usually seems to involve over-analysing and playing mind games. Granted, there is still the odd bit of hypocrisy/contradiction that comes with just about any set of rules, but on the whole it is still much preferable to them. I am a firm believer that Jane Austen was a great and wise observer of life and character and that her wisdom transcends time, and so I enjoyed the parts of the book looking at her work. However, I didn't so much like the analysis of modern-day dating scenarios or setting out of actual rules which, like I said, contradicted themselves at times.

In short, if like me you are just picking this book up to get your Austen-fix, you should probably think about reading something else, but if you are an avid reader of dating guides, I imagine that this one will probably prove more helpful than guides that tell you not to call on certain days and time your calls when you are actually allowed to make them etc. So in that case I would recommend it.

[✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was quite a bit aprehensive when I started reading this book because when I picked it up I didn't realize it was actually a dating guide... I know, I know, the book is named "Jane Austen's Guide to Dating" but I can't resist anything that has "Jane Austen" on it so I pick it up without giving it much thought...

Overall, this book was an ok read and I enjoyed the insight on Austen's characters, and the opportunity to look at them from a different angle. I'd never read a dating guide before and don't actually enjoy self-help-type books but I guess the advice given by the author here is pretty sensible and the information and chapters are very well-organized. I did skim through some of the dating advice passages, especially towards the end...

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a funny take on relationships. It makes relationship woes and trivial pursuits look like a game of learning. Enjoy this one... it's for the girls.

[Richelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is an interesting comparison to Austen's literary-style of dating and modern-day relationships. Appealing if you are interested in wholesome relationships.

[Gerd · Rating 2 out of 5]

Why read a dating guide?

Most people, readers and non-readers alike, will agree that there’s few books more unnecessary than a dating guide. No, really, nobody in his right mind needs them (and nobody in his left mind would understand them *giggle*).
But truth is although there’s a plethora of rubbish in that field they can be vastly entertaining. They give us reason to look back at our own dating experiences and the horribly stupid things we did to try and impress our dates, usually making complete fools of ourselves. Remember that first date when you tried so hard to be somebody else than you are, that looking back at it makes you wonder why you even went to that date if you so much rather would have liked somebody else to be in your place?
Dating guides are not, or should not be, written to give us a set of rules to turn to, but solely to allow us to gain enough distance from ourselves to properly reflect about our own dating behaviour when seen through somebody else’s eyes. It does stand to reason that most people do that through discussions with their friends, so maybe dating guides are written for lonely people, I’m willing to give you that point.


Rules of dating?

If we cooked in all dating guides, we would end up with a set of four common rules:

1. Use your common sense! A cynic might feel the need to tell you that if you need a dating guide to be reminded of that, you are not in possession of enough common sense to be trusted. Which brings us directly to the next rule:
2. Treat your dates with respect. That’s all it always runs down to, no matter how it comes packed: Do not flirt with others when on a date; Do not talk about your former dating experiences (and especially do not talk bad about former dates); Treat people the way you want to be treated.
And on, and on, and on… R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
3. Do not go and burden a date with false expectations. Dating is about meeting another person and to get to know them better, that’s all. There might be coming more from it, but it should not become your reason to go on a date.
4. And the golden rule: Don’t take advice from dating guides.


And how does Lauren Henderson do as a guide?

In short: Not very good!

I’ve seen few books go so fast from promising to infuriating. After a fairly entertaining introduction despite a fair bit of hypocritical ranting about the strictness of American dating rules, Mrs Henderson ventures forth and represents us with what reads in large chunks like a cheap copy of Sharyn Wolf’s excellent, entertaining Guerrilla Dating Tactics

Some of Mrs Henderson’s rules are, to put it nicely, dated:

We probably all know this already, but let me stress another point: if you go out on a first date with a man and he suggests you split the cost of dinner or drinks – well, either you’ve misunderstood things, and it isn’t a date, or he’s a cheapskate, and you shouldn’t go out with him again.

I’ve met very few girls or women that would let you pick up the bill on a first date. Women fought long and hard to gain economical independence and modern men should respect that, while most of us are still reluctant to let her pick up the bill it’s only common courtesy to allow her to pay for herself, on a mutual date that is.
And here lies one of the many major problems I have with this book:
Mrs Henderson doesn’t even allow for the idea of a mutual date!
She calls herself a “modern” woman, but can’t wrap her head around the idea of a date springing from something else than an formal invitation by the guy (and I fear to ask how she might think about same gender dates).


Other points that quickly started to grate on me:

From earlier in the above quoted chapter

A man needs to feel that he is courting you. Let him worry about where to take you on the next date, and whether it will be somewhere you will like.

Old fashioned, but fair enough so far, but then she continues

And let him pay for at least the first few dinners. If he’s a nice guy, he’ll like it*.

From the next chapter

Even if you meet some shock-haired young men carrying a guitar in a wine bar, why not talk to him for a few minutes if he seems nice? You may have a prejudice against unemployed musicians, but for all you know he may be a TV producer* helping out a friend by looking after his guitar while the latter goes to the loo.

*Emphasis added by me.


My overall impression is that she would have been more honest had she called her book:
The shallow gold diggers guide to romance


There would be more to point out about the book, like how for example she manages to contradict herself when on one hand encouraging the reader “not to play games” and to “be yourself” only to put up a couple pages later a set of rules of how you should behave to show the other that you're interested, if some of these stand in direct contrast to her former “behave naturally, for God’s sake” advice – well, what does she care, dating, according to Mrs Henderson and in spite of her saying “dating is only there to get to know the other better” serves the whole point to end up in marriage; also there's a faint sense of misandry drawing itself through each chapter, which, much as I would have liked to put it down as being meant to be read tongue-in-cheek, becomes immensely annoying and makes her sound quite hypocritical.


Did I enjoy the book?

In spite of all my ranting above, I've got to say: Yes, at times.
You see, I’ve never read any of Austen’s work, but I do find entertainment in getting to get to view it through other peoples eyes. I tend to find more joy and pleasure in that than I would probably ever find in reading those books for myself. On that end, I did like some of Lauren Henderson’s writing, but by Jove it’s not a book I could recommend to anybody.


Edit:
If one manages to get round page 180 she actually states that money shouldn't be the most important reason to marry (or status), however how that adds up with being able to tell the niceness of man by his willingness, no his insistence, to pay for dinner is a formula I haven't been able to work out yet.
If it wasn't for all of her "happy couple examples" to belong to the upper middle class and marrying either artists or career men, I would also be more inclined to believe her "status shouldn't matter" to be more than just lip service.

[Phoebe Scarborough · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny and cute. The advice was so surface level and basic but honestly that is what we need sometimes.

[L · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jane Austen has to be one of the most recognizable and distinctive authors of all-time, whose outlook on romance has captivated and enlightened us for centuries portrayed through her memorable characters. Pride and Prejudice, Northanger Abbey, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion etcetera have delighted us for years with such distinctive characters, that we have come to associate with those in the modern day world who surround us. For an example of this we take a specific gentleman and see mannerisms in him that are not too dissimilar to those of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, who is arrogant and proud on the surface until you get to see beneath the surface and find a most unpretentious and caring being beneath. Or one may look at her boyfriend or partner and wonder if he really is her faithful Captain Wentworth whom she has been devoted to for years, and if he truly has remained constant in his feelings and heart. Jane Austen’s witty, perceptive and romantic novels have shown us that with a bit of common sense and good judgment one can learn to see through people’s exterior and fathom out their true character within. Relationships have not changed in terms of straightforwardness; hence Lauren Henderson truly believes that we could all benefit from some of the Regency wisdom that adorned Austen’s works.

This fun and insightful book is full of sage advice and witty strategies that will make you really think about the actions of others and how to judge a person’s character. Complete with a quiz to find out your perfect match, this indispensable guide is a must-have for all those romantics out there who want to understand the world and those individuals within it from Jane Austen’s perspective. How do you know if the man you’re living with is not a Wickham or Henry Crawford in disguise? Are you the type of person who would suit a more unassuming, reserved Mr. Bertrum rather than an outgoing Charles Bingley? One can begin to then understand your own personality and character and, in doing so then you can learn and understand who would be your ideal match. For example if you are a lively Elizabeth Bennet in love with a flirty Frank Churchill, how long do you think your relationship would last? Can a playboy like Mr. Wickham ever settle down, and how does a shy Anne Elliot find the confidence to snag her man? Whether you are lucky in love or quite shy and reserved and have difficulty in finding that special someone, then don’t despair as this book has the answers that you are looking for. Whether you are single or in a relationship, you are an Austen devotee or a newcomer to her works, this original and audacious how-to guide is an absolute must for all readers who are in love with romance.

Complete with quotes from Jane Austen’s novels and explanations that one can relate to in the modern day world, this book combines both the regency period with a modern twist that is a delight to behold. I cannot enthuse enough about a book which has not only exceeded all expectations from a fan of Austen point of view, but also which has surpassed them entirely as I did not know whether I would like it or not; being that it is completely centered around relationships dependant on ones own personal experiences of them. Lauren Henderson writes in quite a conversational, readable style that makes you want to read on without repetition or becoming too factual; as in ‘one must do this’ or ‘you have to do that to secure the man of your dreams’. Anyone who loves Austen’s books will not be disappointed, as this volume contains nearly a reference to every single character within her books that you could think of; from Mr. Collins to Eleanor Dashwood and Miss. Mary Bennett. As cliché as this may sound when it comes to understanding matters of the heart and finding true love, the Regency really does rule.

[Martine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Usually, this kind of book isn't my cup of tea. Dating advice and all that stuff. So it's not that much of a surprise that there were a few things that I disliked.
First of all, this book was described as "charming and humorous". Well, I'm capable of understanding various types of humor and humorous this was not. It wasn't even unintentionally funny though I said "Are you kidding me?" a lot while reading.

So, to sum it up, I had no idea what to make of it but it was slightly more entertaining than a few novels I had read lately - hence the three stars.
There were two things that really bothered me:
1) Teaching us things that every person with a kind heart would know anyway
2) Restrictions
3) the author seems to have an unrealistic amount of friends

About number 1: We get the advice like 'men are human, too' and 'don't marry a guy just because he's rich'. Which was one of the situations where I thought the author is kidding me. Call me stupid, but I suppose at least 90 % of the readership are women who like Jane Austen's novels or at least the movies. Which means they have a romantic side. You don't need to tell a romantic woman 'don't just look for the cash', because they're looking for love, anyway.
About number 2: I was through one third of the book when I realized that the man I wanted to find was none of the Austen characters. Personally, I prefer Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre), Mark Darcy (Bridget Jones' Diary), Cardinal Chang (The Glass Book of the Dream Eaters) or Kurogane Suwa (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle). Well, of course the book can't provide these, so I can't mope. What I can do is complain about how straight the book is. And by straight I mean heterosexual.
We're living in the 21st century and the advice we're given is not restricted to gender. Then we're given examples from the Austen books, then we get 'real life examples'. And while Lauren Henderson states that men and women are not that different, how many homosexual couples are listed? ZERO.

What the-
Given the sheer amount of real life examples, Lauren Henderson must have at least hundred friends, yet all of them are straight? I mean, we're living in the 21st century where being attracted to your own sex is far more tolerated than in the 19th century and homosexuality can be considered as something absolutely natural. Unless you're a homophobic idiot, that is. And the possibility of falling in love with someone of your own sex even if you consider yourself 'straight' can not be ruled out.

So, aside from being narrow-minded every now and then, this was quite nice to read.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

It has taken several years for me to finish this book because even though it is written in a voice that makes it quick and easy to read, I was rather put-off by the author's modern examples, which talk of morals very different than mine. Ms. Henderson doesn't get horribly explicit, but her cavalier attitude tended to disgust me and make frequent, lengthy breaks necessary for me. Even so, I did find myself continually returning to this book every few months or years until I finally finished it, so it must have made me just curious enough about what she had to say. I guess I mostly read it for the analyses of Jane Austen's characters.

I rather wonder about Ms. Henderson's knowing so many people so well as to be confided in with such particular details about all their varied dating histories. Maybe in another life she was a marriage counselor, because she not only knows all these people's stories, but also the exact single behavior or trait that led to their doing it right or wrong in all their relationships. How nice for her.

One curious claim the author, an English native, makes about her move to America is that we have a much more complex and self-sabotaging code of dating rules to follow than our neighbors on the other side of the pond. She talks of our elaborate rules for how long a person should wait to ask somebody out, or what your response should be to such an invitation based on the given day of the week, for example. All of these rules were news to this American girl. I had never heard them before. I wonder if she is over-generalizing, or if such rules are really the case outside of my own Utah dating culture?

Even though the advice in this book is hardly more than common sense, I guess that trait is not always in large supply in one's dating life. Is there anyone out there, after all, who feels like everything they've done in their own dating history was exactly right, who doesn't ever feel the urge to shudder, blush, or at least roll their eyes when recollecting some of their former dating experiences? When dealing with an activity so closely tied with the emotions of both you and your date, it is easy to make mistakes. This means that, even though when you read her points of advice you might think they are mostly pretty obvious, you might still find a couple points that explicitly state something you had not thought of before, something that might actually be helpful. That being said, I am nowhere close to attributing my recent marriage to this book's advice, but if you find something here that helps you put a little more sense and kindness into your dating choices, that's great.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

A delightful little dating guide for casual readers, and an interesting read for Jane Austen fans, Lauren Henderson presents to us a quirky and rather humorous guide of some of literature’s most famous romantic archetypes (from the likes of the Mr. Darcys of this world, to the Emma Woodhouses). She cleverly reinterprets some of the basic rules of courtship from Regency times to fit the 21st century dating scene with some instructions and sensible advice which remain as pertinent now as they were 200 years ago.

Certainly, times have changed, along with social mores and gender-specific conventions, but there is a lot of practical help to be found in this guide. Albeit, it is of a very common-sense type, and there are some parts that seem to oppose each other with actual dating advice. What also surprised me was how very old-fashioned Henderson seems to be on giving advice to women on the lookout for a new beau. While the stories she uses in her examples to highlight a lesson from each chapter show clearly that womenfolk of today are more independent and less likely to be frowned upon for making the first move than they would have been in Austen’s time, she seems to advocate letting the guys do all the initiating. While I’m personally quite old-fashioned myself in this regard, I can’t help but feel that seems a bit of a contradiction to other readers.

All-in-all, it’s a fun, easy to read dating manual, although I’m not sure I’d take it so seriously myself. Certainly, if it teaches you nothing new or that you didn’t know before, it’s an interesting take on love and courtship à la Austen. My favourite part of the book wasn’t so much the dating advice, which seemed a bit black-and-white with it’s dos and don’ts, as it was the study on the character’s and trying to find outwhat they were looking for in a romantic partner. The quiz at the end of the book is another nice little touch which helps you identify which Austen heroine you are most likely to be like in love. 3 stars.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author did her dissertation on social mores in Jane Austen's novels, but her analysis of what's true about relationships far transcends any mere intellectual critical analysis of Austen's writing style. Instead, this is one of the most clever understanding of relationships I've read anywhere, and I've read a lot of relationship books.

Using the characters in each of Austen's six major works as examples, the author then goes on to apply those lessons learned from the way each character behaves (or misbehaves, in the case of Wyckham or Willoughby) to real-life, modern-day couples. Although the colorful, cartoon cover of the book makes you want to dismiss its interior as some form of lighthearted silliness, in fact, there's a great deal of wisdom written here. When you think about it, it's really very simple: Jane Austen understood some fundamental truths about relationships that have not changed, that we can continue to learn from today, if only we can wade through early 19th century mores and non-standardized spelling.

There are quizzes at the back of the book to help you determine which character you're most like (Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice or her sister Jane; or are you perhaps more like Marianne Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility?) If so, you have a lot to learn about how to conduct yourself, so as to have your emotions under better control, and should learn from your sister Elinor's example. Another quiz helps you determine which male character your partner most resembles. The quizzes are fun, but I wouldn't take them terribly seriously.

The ultimate lessons here come from Austen's awareness that women make some very bad decisions when in love, and that marriage, which used to be a fairly permanent condition, was not something to be taken lightly. It still isn't, in my opinion, which is why one wants to learn as much as we can about what to do—and what not to do during the courtship phase. There's still quite a bit Austen can teach us, it turns out.

[Mell · Rating 1 out of 5]

The cover looks fluffy and charming, but this book reinforces sexist stereotypes and poses several problems.

I doubt most Janeites ever thought they would see JA's works and characters quoted alongside words like "Booty Call." The author intends to give light-hearted advice, but my feminism is too deeply entrenched to laugh off comments like "a woman's making the first move with a man" rarely works. Yuck! Apparently we're still living in the 19th century. Maybe Henderson should have updated her advice for the current era, aka women are not subjective to the will of the men in their lives. The author only further insulted me when she tried to dismiss her own sexism by saying that women taking a passive role is just the way male/female sexuality works. Oh, please! Maybe women being paid less money for the same work is just part of the natural order. Listening to Henderson's advice will land women back into second class status.

Henderson claims that she isn't into playing games (no setting crazy rules about which day men must call in order to make a date for the weekend) but then contradicts herself by saying that women should do no more than express interest in a man: no initiating the first date or kiss, no calling first. This stereotype of the woman waiting around for the man to take the lead is, again, just plain old sexism. It also contributes to the annoyance I hear some men express about women giving mixed signals.

My advice: skip this book and go (re)read one of Austen's works. I returned this drivel to the library and thankfully spent no money on it. This author is just cashing on on the popularity of Jane Austen.

[Queirosiana · Rating 2 out of 5]

Este é um daqueles livros do género auto-ajuda. Confesso que estava à espera de algo diferente quando o trouxe da bibliioteca, porque julguei que se tratava de um romance inspirado na autora.

Em Amor e Sedução segundo Jane Austen, Lauren Henderson, a escritora, enumera uma série de dicas, lições e exemplos a seguir para arranjar o homem indicado da forma indicada, tomando como modelo (ainda que adaptando aos dias de hoje) as regras que Jane Austen descreve nas suas obras.

É um exercício interessante... li o livro em menos de dois dias, pois é extremamente simples e descomplicado, embora tenha algumas dúvidas quanto a este tipo de livros que pretendem standartizar e modelar as relações entre as pessoas pois aprecio, acima de tudo, a espontaneadade!

A parte interessante do livro foi para mim o exercício de comparação entre a vida real e as relações das nossas heroínas-heróis, transportando os seus comportamentos para aquilo que são as relações quotidianas. Acho que a análise que Lauren Henderson faz das personagens de Jane Austen está uito bem explorada, e no geral, confesso que não podia estar mais em sintonia.

É dos poucos livros relacionados com Jane Austen traduzidos para português e embora não tenha ficado extasiada, não considero que tenha sido uma total perda de tempo. Acabei por descobrir que sou uma Lizzie e que o meu homem ideal seria Henry Tilney... :)

[Carol Vorvain · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all, the book has a test, quite at the end that will tell you which Jane Austen character are you. Apparently I am Jane- sweet and straightforward. Not too far fetched...
Now, about the book.
I loved all Jane Austen's books, but I have to say I was a bit reluctant to buy this book. However, I did enjoy it and I was not disappointed.
The book is not as the title might suggest only a guide to romance. It makes you question the "American way of over thinking things", suggesting there are better ways to deal with our relationships other than dissecting each and every single word and action of the one we like or possibly love or following ad litteram all that we are told to do by those dating “gurus.”
For example, the author asks us why would we adopt a hostile attitude towards someone we like? Is it just because the modern dating advice is all about game-playing and manipulation?
For me, the beauty of the book stands in the way the author analyses J Austen's characters and then draws a parallel with what's happening now and why many couples get divorced or are on the verge of separation.
The book made me want to read again Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility.
Overall, it was a nice easy read.

[penelopewanders · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here as a ring.
On the whole I enjoyed this very much, although I wonder if I'm a wee bit too old for this sort of thing -especially trying to do the quizzes at the back required a bit of excavation into my past - between what I think I was like when I was still dating and what the beginnings of my relationship with my partner of over twenty years were like... I'm sorry I didn't see the synopsises of the books until the end, as I read many of the Austens a long time ago. Not sure I ever did read Sense and Sensibility - must do that now.
I highly recommend the film (I think it was a two part series on BBC or something): Lost in Austen - very funny, and somehow fitting with this book. It's about a contemporary woman who finds herself back in the midst of Pride and Prejudice and has her very modern take on the relationships - guided of course by what she knows is meant to happen.
There were moments when I felt this book dragged a bit, but that may just have been because it really wasn't very relevant to me at present.

[Margherita Dolcevita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ogni qualvolta leggo un titolo in cui sono presenti le due paroline magiche, Jane Austen, mi precipito a comprare il libro in questione, anche se, come in questo caso, si tratta di una guida tutto sommato inutile (per me). E infatti le parti più interessanti sono quelle in cui l'autrice parla dei romanzi della Austen, ma anche quelle in cui fa esempi pratici chiamando in causa amici e conoscenti. Il resto è di scarso interesse e ammetto di averne saltate varie parti. Tanto l'uomo perfetto è Darcy e forse giusto uno ce n'è stato. In ogni caso, è palese l'assoluta modernità della Austen: per quanto il contesto dei suoi romanzi fosse alquanto statico e monotono, le sue storie e i suoi personaggi sono estremamente ben tracciati e moderni, tanto che riescono benissimo ad essere lo specchio delle relazioni di oggi.

[Adele · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book at a used bookstore in Snow Hill, Maryland. Needless to say I did not look at this book more closely. I thought this was going to be a romantic comedy. I didn't realize it was really a dating guide book. Honestly I love Austen but I am more of a Bronte/ Gaskell fan. Their men are so mysterious ;) also I don't need a guide on dating because I already found my Captain Wentworth. But If anyone is looking for a dating guide book through Jane Austen or just looking for a mindless book to read go for this one I found out through a character test in the book that I'm Mary from Pride and Prejudice...I disagree with that answer. Anyway, I would give this book a chance just to see what Jane Austen character you are ( it even has a test for what Jane Austen male character your partner is... :O ). It was entertaining even though it was not helpful for me.

[Kathryne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sometimes hilarious, sometimes insightful - a fun read for any Jane Austen fan who is currently or ever has played the dating game. While it was a mostly enjoyable read I did have two big objections. One is that the author views sexual intimacy as a normal part of the dating experience, which unfortunately is a common view in today's world. The second, which is really more of an amusing difference of opinion rather than an objection, is that the author’s favorite Austen heroine is Emma and her least favorite is Fanny where my least favorite Austen character is Emma. And while Elizabeth is my favorite Austen heroine, I relate more to Fanny and therefore I took Henderson’s deep dislike of Fanny personally.

[Carrie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Since there's only one copy, housed at a remote branch of the library, I didn't have a chance to read the book jacked to realize that this actually in intended to be a dating self-help book. I figured it'd be a humorous take on Jane's dating advice, but I found myself put off by the authoritative stance the author took--"do this, don't do this"--with no counseling/psychology credential to back her up. If it's supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, that didn't come across well to me. That said, I did enjoy the quizzes in the back: Which Jane Austen character are you? and Which Jane Austen guy is your type. No big surprises, though. I think I just need to reread the originals.

[Pheonix Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ever tried too hard while dating? In Jane Austen's guide to dating, dating becomes much more simple and much more understandable than the average "guide to dating" books. Relating values and personality traits of the Jane Austen characters to oneself, and analyzing the values set forth within the various Austen books, the author is very much able to make the complications of dating go away. My favorite part was where the author would relate the values to herself and her experiences, giving the book a much more solid trust. I would recommend this book to anyone who wishes to get into the dating scene.

[Jana · Rating 4 out of 5]

My sweet sister gave this to me as a joke/birthday present. I read it and actually really enjoyed it. The author spends a good deal of the book analyzing the different romantic relationships in Austen's novels and the nuts and bolts of why they work or don't work. She applies those same nuts and bolts to modern-day relationships and gives hints on how to find you own Mr. Darcy/Captain Wentworth/Edward Ferrars.

Of course, any dating book should be taken with a grain of salt. Any dating "guru" can come up with a theory and find relationships that fit said theory.

[Jan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this as a gift once. For an advise book it was rather fun, but I think that was mostly because of all the things the author pulled from the books. (Sometimes it was all slightly far-fetched). The anecdotes rated from nice and funny to simply repetitive. And well, advise in this kind of book always seems so... Duhuh. Logic? Basic sense?

And then authors forget that with falling in love sense never really gets in the picture so...

I don't think self-help books will ever be my thing, but thanks to the literary parts I think I still enjoyed this.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt a bit foolish as I was reading this book, because I bought it thinking it would be a parody of Jane Austen's characters and their romantic lives. In fact the original title is 100% accurate: it is a guide to dating!
Anyway, if you ignore all the dating advice (what, when, where, how, with whom, why) - it ends up being a very thorough analysis of Jane Austen's characters. As appendix it has two tests (which Jane Austen's character are you? And which Jane Austen's character is the man you love? ) a description of the main characters and a summary of the novels. It's readable.