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230 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 23, 2016
Example: “I’m Robbie. Enchanté.”
Translation: "Despite my looks, one wrong move, lady, and I'll suck the marrow from your bones while you watch."

“I swear, this is all Elsbeth Roo’s fault.”


“So let me guess. You tried bribing him, babying him, and offered him the full Tyler trying to cheer him up, but the one thing you haven’t done was ask him what’s wrong.”

“Puppygeddon”

“Zazu?” I asked, moving my arms around Tyler’s shoulder.
“Yes?”
“Get lost,” I said, kissing Tyler.


“I love you, Tyler, I really do. But I don’t know how we can go on like this. Something has to change. We have to get past our fears or just forget it, because I can’t keep going on like this.”
“I’m your best friend. I mean. I’m assuming here, but we talk, like, every day, and I’ve seen your boyfriend’s junk, so I thought that meant we’re best friends, but I don’t want to overstep my boundaries if you think I’m just a bro or a normal friend.”




“I love you,” he interrupted breathlessly. “That’s what I was saying out there, that I love you.”
“And I love you too, Tyler, but those three words don’t change things. They don’t solve problems. They’re just words without actions, without changes, and we have been doing the same thing for too long now. I need something more, Tyler.”
He just stood there.
“This isn’t an ultimatum. I’m not saying you need to do this or else. But things need to change, Tyler, before we grow stale and we become roommates who have sex.”

“Sebastian, I don’t…”
“Yeah, don’t care,” he said, holding up his hand. “As your best friend, I need to… I am, right?”
I cocked my head. “What?”
“I’m your best friend. I mean. I’m assuming here, but we talk, like, every day, and I’ve seen your boyfriend’s junk, so I thought that meant we’re best friends, but I don’t want to overstep my boundaries if you think I’m just a bro or a normal friend.”


“Those two couldn’t count to twenty-one unless they were naked. Of course we’re going to help them.”
Now let me try to explain to you about the pantheon of animation royalty. Everyone assumes that there are two sides. On one side you have Mickey the freaking Mouse, lord of all that is Disney. On the other is Bugs Bunny, clown prince of Warner Brothers. The common mistake is that the two characters have equal footing, but that’s not true. Mickey came first by a couple of decades. He’d given up on Bugs’ slapstick kind of comedy well before the rabbit was ever drawn. So this isn’t a Coke versus Pepsi kind of thing.
This was a water versus 7UP kind of thing. One is necessary for life; the other is fun to drink from time to time. - Matt

