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Surviving Regret
One devastating night leaves friendships and relationships irrevocably changed. Landon Hayes, an all-star wide receiver, is spiraling out of control after one shattering night that altered everything for him. He has one shining star left in his life but he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Macy Thomas, a college sweetheart trying to find her way, is holding on to the boy who stole her heart. She’s stuck on the sidelines watching as he throws his life away though. The guilt is pulling him into the blackness threatening to take her and everything he has going for him along with it. When the heartbreaking reality sets in, can Macy still be Landon’s guiding light or is the past too cloudy to help them find their way back to each other? ** This was previously released as Forever Light in October 2014. Surviving Regret has a new cover, has been fully reedited from cover to cover and over 20,000 words have been added.
231 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 23, 2016
90 people are currently reading
400 people want to read
About the author
Megan Smith
17 books2,116 followersMegan Smith is a USA TODAY Bestselling author who’s a stay-at-home mom and writes whenever her little heart can. She lives in Southern New Jersey with her husband and three children. When she’s not chasing around her children she loves watching movies, reading, spending time with her family and watching beautiful sunsets.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews
December 15, 2016
DNF @ 10%
The hero is a cheater and the heroine's sister is a disgusting bitch who tried to sleep with her sister's boyfriend. The heroine is a doormat who forgave the hero. I don't give a crap if the 5 friends are coping with loss or the piece of shit hero feels guilty and wants to forget and the best fucking way to forget is to tried to fuck your girlfriend's sister. If they weren't interrupted by the friend they would've slept together
The hero is a cheater and the heroine's sister is a disgusting bitch who tried to sleep with her sister's boyfriend. The heroine is a doormat who forgave the hero. I don't give a crap if the 5 friends are coping with loss or the piece of shit hero feels guilty and wants to forget and the best fucking way to forget is to tried to fuck your girlfriend's sister. If they weren't interrupted by the friend they would've slept together
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 23, 2016
༺**Complimentary Copy**༺ Provided by the author
"Megan Smith" exchange for an honest review..Thank you!!
TITLE: Surviving Regret
AUTHOR: Megan Smith
GENRE: CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
CHAPTERS:
RELEASE DATE: August 25th, 2016
MY RATING: 5 STARS
SURVIVING REGRET: This is spoken in 'Dual Perspectives' Macy and Landon.
This kicks starts us off in the year 2010, December, told in Macy's words.
This story mainly focuses on 'Bad Boy' Landon Hayes, an all-star wide receiver and his long term girlfriend Macy Thomas.
High School Sweethearts, these two were like Barbie and Ken during their High School years, popular, good looking, life at their feet ready to be lived. With a tight group of friends, and Macy's twin sister Madison they were all excited to be going to the same College.
Madison & Cash (dating)
Landon & Macy (dating)
Alexa and Steven (dating)
After riding an adrenaline high through winning their football game then off to celebrate the end of school by travelling to Steven's parents house in Cannon Beach, Madison and Landon start toking up, getting high off their faces and goofing around in the back of the car, one bad decision and like a domino effect it all comes crumbling down around their ears.
That one night destroyed our lives forever, and now we’re forever dark.
Things from this point forward are never the same for any of them..All their lives have been irrevocably altered and utterly ruined consecutively.
Madison and Landon are spiralling out of control, friendships are severed, drugs, sex, alcohol become their numbing device.
The only way I could survive day to day was to smoke
to drink, the sounds of that night away.
Is Macy going to be strong enough to pull them through this dark tunnel they are all spiralling down?
My shining star, you're always there shining the brightest out of all
the millions of stars in the sky.
Even when the clouds roll in threatening to dull your light
you're still the brightest of them all. You're always letting me know that
you are there no matter how dark it gets. - LANDON
I am so glad I took a chance on this book, and this author, as I've not read anything by her previously, and it definitely won't be my last, once they were all headed off to College it started picking up for me and hitting me right in the feels, the angst, the heartbreak, the emotional pull on my heartstrings was astronomical.
The layout reads like a diary format, month to month, year by year which is unusual but I found I enjoyed it as it seemed to flow well for the story. A few times throughout I got leaky eye syndrome, this author just pulled out those feels that are normally buried deep, heartbreakingly raw!! Loved it!!
"Megan Smith" exchange for an honest review..Thank you!!
TITLE: Surviving Regret
AUTHOR: Megan Smith
GENRE: CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
CHAPTERS:
RELEASE DATE: August 25th, 2016
MY RATING: 5 STARS
SURVIVING REGRET: This is spoken in 'Dual Perspectives' Macy and Landon.
This kicks starts us off in the year 2010, December, told in Macy's words.
This story mainly focuses on 'Bad Boy' Landon Hayes, an all-star wide receiver and his long term girlfriend Macy Thomas.
High School Sweethearts, these two were like Barbie and Ken during their High School years, popular, good looking, life at their feet ready to be lived. With a tight group of friends, and Macy's twin sister Madison they were all excited to be going to the same College.
Madison & Cash (dating)
Landon & Macy (dating)
Alexa and Steven (dating)
After riding an adrenaline high through winning their football game then off to celebrate the end of school by travelling to Steven's parents house in Cannon Beach, Madison and Landon start toking up, getting high off their faces and goofing around in the back of the car, one bad decision and like a domino effect it all comes crumbling down around their ears.
That one night destroyed our lives forever, and now we’re forever dark.
Things from this point forward are never the same for any of them..All their lives have been irrevocably altered and utterly ruined consecutively.
Madison and Landon are spiralling out of control, friendships are severed, drugs, sex, alcohol become their numbing device.
The only way I could survive day to day was to smoketo drink, the sounds of that night away.
Is Macy going to be strong enough to pull them through this dark tunnel they are all spiralling down?
My shining star, you're always there shining the brightest out of all the millions of stars in the sky.
Even when the clouds roll in threatening to dull your light
you're still the brightest of them all. You're always letting me know that
you are there no matter how dark it gets. - LANDON
I am so glad I took a chance on this book, and this author, as I've not read anything by her previously, and it definitely won't be my last, once they were all headed off to College it started picking up for me and hitting me right in the feels, the angst, the heartbreak, the emotional pull on my heartstrings was astronomical.
The layout reads like a diary format, month to month, year by year which is unusual but I found I enjoyed it as it seemed to flow well for the story. A few times throughout I got leaky eye syndrome, this author just pulled out those feels that are normally buried deep, heartbreakingly raw!! Loved it!!
June 21, 2019
I am not a fan of authors who basically justify abuse due to tragedy, or of heroine’s who let men treat them horrifically, have no love life of their own, and just wait patiently for the asshole to come back to them. This was just plain atrocious! I am not a fan of books that use the good old blanket excuse of grief, that basically enables characters to act like assholes with minimal repercussions. The ‘hero’ here is a waste Of space, who cheated on the heroine with her own sister! Got caught before full sex, but would have carried on otherwise. . I also am not a fan of double standards I think it is unfair of Macy to forgive Landon but not Madison. Maybe the accident where Madison and Landon got caught could have been forgiven, if they actually cared and learnt their lesson. But they didn’t, this was proven by a conversation where Landon asked Madison how far she would ah e let him go, as if it was a funny and trivial event! Then followed by the fact they made out again, to see if their were any ‘feelings’ there? Seriously? How selfish are these two? They broke Macy’s heart by cheating, they claim to love her, but go there again? If they do have feelings what then? They would have had a fling? Or started dating and left Cash and Macy to pick up the pieces? They never redeemed themselves, but then Cash and Macy are fools for letting themselves be treated like this. However, they still deserved better, I was hoping they would realise they wanted each other and ride off into the sunset!
This beautiful scene where Madison and Landon hook up:
‘me in that broken down house. Make me lie on the floor. Make me cold. Make me anything but alive to feel the pain.
When I blinked, it was Macy with me and then it just as quickly faded back to Madison. I could have stopped right then and nothing would have changed. It was just a kiss. But what did I want? What did she want?
Madison gave me what I was looking for, the peace and quiet. She’d let me lie on that floor, hell she’d be lying right next to me. She didn’t ask for anything in return. Just let me take what I wanted in the moment to numb me.
Everything seemed different. It wasn’t the normal sweet tasting kiss. The high and alcohol was really messing with me. I wondered if Madison felt it too. She had to of. My tongue moved against hers. I grunted, pushed her small delicate body against the wall.
She groaned and pushed down against my leg harder. I gripped her ass in my hands, and raised her up so her legs were spread. Pressing forward, my erection dug into her. The newness, the anticipation, all of it sent a jolt through my body, a shiver I felt run down my spine. One I hadn’t felt in a while. We both gasped, her hands flew to my chest tugging at my tie and white dress shirt. I helped her out, my lips never breaking from hers.
“I have a condom… ” I whispered, gasping for breath.
Please don’t tell me to stop.
Don’t.
She didn’t say a word, her body started to shake. My hands fumbled to find the condom in my pocket but there wasn’t much hesitation on my part. She wasn’t stopping me either.
Some rationality hit me then.
Fuck. Stop, Landon. Don’t. Think of Macy. Think of Cash.
My body wouldn’t listen though. I wanted this. A way to cope. A way to forget for a second. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to feel something besides the everyday feeling and I was sure this was the answer.’
Macy forgives Landon but not Madison:
‘Madison’s eyes flickered to Cash’s before she looked back to Macy. “I know, and I’m sorry! I know that I hurt you and I hate myself. Just tell me what I need to do. How can I fix this?”
Macy stared at her sister, one of her best friends, before she said, “You can’t! You can’t fix anything you’ve done!”
I slid down the wall I was leaning against, brought my knees up to my chest and dropped my head. Everything around me fell apart. I shut down, it was the only way.
I’ve lost all control.
I couldn’t deal any longer.
I ripped those gutters off that perfect house. I tore the door off the hinges, broke the windows, and set the grass on fire. I ripped every pedal off that beautiful rose leaving it broken and ugly just like the house.
She was right. We can’t fix anything we’ve done. Macy forgave me after that night as if it never happened. In reality, she forgave me before it even happened. That’s just Macy though. She wasn’t ready to lose the only piece of us we had left. I should have ended things right then and there between us but I couldn’t. I’m a selfish asshole. Deep down inside I need that girl more than I need my last breath.’
“Did you sleep with Madison?” Macy asked as we sat on her bed the next day after the disaster that prom was.
“No, I didn’t have sex with Madison. Alexa walked in before that happened.” I answered honestly.
“Would you have if Alexa didn’t walk in?” She said through a cry.
I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already had but I can’t lie to her either. Instead of answering her, I just nodded my head.
Macy gasped before a strangled cry escaped her. “Why Landon? Why are you running to Madison instead of me? Why?” she cried.
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “You’ll never understand, Macy.”
This beautiful discussion about what happened:
Madison hands me the joint back that we are smoking. I inhale and ask Madison something I’ve always wanted to know. “Would you have let me?”
“Let you fuck me?”
“Jesus…” I laugh. Madison is always so blunt about things. I love that she keeps it real and doesn’t try to add the fluff all the time. “You’re so fucking crass.”
“So…”
Madison shrugs, clearly avoiding my question. By the way she’s staring at her hands, she doesn’t want to answer it, or she’s thinking about something else entirely.
“Answer it.”
“Answer what?”
I roll my eyes. “Stop avoiding the question.” I need the answer. I stone my expression so she knows I’m serious. “Would you have let me?”
Madison thinks for a second and I’m curious what she’s going to say next. It could be anything knowing her. “I probably would have let you stick it in.” I shake my head, she’s fucking kidding around. “But then I would have stopped you.”
“Oh, man,” my head falls back against the wall with a thud as I laugh, “that would have totally sucked for me.”
I wonder what would happen if I did have sex with Madison. We’ve had so many opportunities that had we really wanted to, we could have.
I’m not gonna lie, I have thought about it. She’s so different than Macy that I wonder.
(Yeah they seem real remorseful, and we are meant to believe he loves Macy!)
But don’t worry because he is actually dedicated to Macy really:
‘I would have done just that too. I would have taken anything she would have given me that night. It’s what I did back then. Madison is one of the very few people I trust completely. She understands me on an emotional level that I don’t let others see. She knows me almost as much as Macy does. The only difference is that Macy gets the physical side. People may see me around campus and at parties with other girls but they don’t know what happens between them and me. Only I know. Yeah, I’ve kissed other girls, I’ve felt them up, I’ve stuck my hands down some of their panties but that’s all that has happened. The second I get close to going further Macy flashes into my mind and it’s like a bucket of cold water has been thrown on me. And whether I want to admit it or not, Macy has my heart wrapped around every possible side of her so much so that no one will ever be able to separate us.’
There is more...
‘I let that sink in for a few moments. She doesn’t put her emotions into it. She doesn’t feel it. She doesn’t let it. She’s just having a good time. Is that how Landon thinks? I know he’s messing around with Madison even if he says that he’s not. I know they’re still friends and they hang out a lot. I’ve even seen him countless times over the years flirting with other girls at parties while we were “taking a break.” I’ve watched him tease girls when he doesn’t know I’m in the same room as him. Hell, I’ve seen him kiss a girl or two right in front of me.
Does he leave his feelings out of it like Heather does? Does he numb himself with them? I know he doesn’t care about them. He sees right through them. I see it in his eyes. The only time he’s not looking through someone is when he’s with Madison and me. My stomach turns. My sister. It makes me sick to think that he can find comfort in her. He finds comfort in me too and he tells me it’s only ever me he feels but why can’t I be enough? Why can’t he just see me?
Fuck.
Why am I still with him? Why can’t I be strong enough to walk away? Hell, why can’t I turn my feelings off and just live my life the way he is?’
‘Landon has some girl pushed up against the wall. His hands are on her thighs under her skirt.
Landon must feel my gaze burning into the back of his head because he turns and his eyes land on me. I let the anger take over. I replace it with the heartache he is causing. He’s cut me deep, so deep once again.’
Then After she runs off in pain:
‘He tries to look innocent. “I wasn’t doing anything.”
I fold my arms across my chest and laugh dryly, “Yeah, it didn’t look like you were doing anything. Did you feel how wet she was? How wet you made her from just giving her the time of day?”
I’m livid. He’s a fucking idiot if he thinks he can tell me he wasn’t doing anything.
“Yeah, she was wet. So what? Does it hurt you to know I made her wet?”
I am sorry he may be grieving and thinks he cannot be with Macy because he doesn’t deserve happiness. But what he is doing is hurting and punishing Macy too, if he really loved her, he wouldn’t be with other girls, and he sure as hell would not let her see it!
This is just laughable:
‘I push Landon’s arm. “You can’t do this after you just had your fucking hand up that bitch’s skirt, Landon.” I see my words burning him as they sink in. I’ve never told him no when it came to anything sexual before. “If you want some go back to that piece of trailer trash. You seemed to have been having a good time with her. You weren’t thinking about me, obviously.”
He doesn’t say anything at first. Just stares into my blue grey eyes that used to be so full of light, so carefree. But he dimmed them, damn near made them pitch black.
“You, Macy. It’s always you.”
If Landon cannot commit to her, than he should let her go, but he doesn’t, because he is selfish.
This when telling Cash about Madison:
“We made out freshman year while we were studying. We were sober and wanted to see if there were any feelings there. There weren’t.” I wait for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. So I ask, because it’s only fair, “Did you sleep with Macy?”
Madison proves further how much of a bitch she is, when Macy tries to forgive her, and she basically says this:
“He was just there, Macy.” Madison pulls out of my hold but still faces me. “Haven’t you ever been curious…about Cash?”
The daydream about Cash makes my cheeks instantly flush. “Yes. I have.”
“And?”
“I would never act on it,” I say defensively because she needs to know that nothing would ever happen with Cash and I.
“But you thought about it…”
Ha ha, yes because it’s exactly the same thing! Also, I noticed they did not come clean to Macy about the other time they made out, Madison and Landon were a joke! They say they love Cash and Macy but treat them like crap and never put them first. I am sorry but this book is not a romance or a love story, it is pathetic. It is basically a step by step guide on signs to look for, in order not to let people emotionally abuse you. Also, the girl blaming was an added bonus, when Landon cheats basically, it is because he is grieving and in pain, the poor soul, so all of forgiven. But the girls he cheats with should know better, they are inexcusable harlots. While I loathe Madison, it is not fair to forgive Landon but freeze her out. Also, the girl who Landon is getting with that Macy witnesses, is labelled trailer trash? Really? Grow up and hold your man child boyfriend accountable for his own bloody actions!
This beautiful scene where Madison and Landon hook up:
‘me in that broken down house. Make me lie on the floor. Make me cold. Make me anything but alive to feel the pain.
When I blinked, it was Macy with me and then it just as quickly faded back to Madison. I could have stopped right then and nothing would have changed. It was just a kiss. But what did I want? What did she want?
Madison gave me what I was looking for, the peace and quiet. She’d let me lie on that floor, hell she’d be lying right next to me. She didn’t ask for anything in return. Just let me take what I wanted in the moment to numb me.
Everything seemed different. It wasn’t the normal sweet tasting kiss. The high and alcohol was really messing with me. I wondered if Madison felt it too. She had to of. My tongue moved against hers. I grunted, pushed her small delicate body against the wall.
She groaned and pushed down against my leg harder. I gripped her ass in my hands, and raised her up so her legs were spread. Pressing forward, my erection dug into her. The newness, the anticipation, all of it sent a jolt through my body, a shiver I felt run down my spine. One I hadn’t felt in a while. We both gasped, her hands flew to my chest tugging at my tie and white dress shirt. I helped her out, my lips never breaking from hers.
“I have a condom… ” I whispered, gasping for breath.
Please don’t tell me to stop.
Don’t.
She didn’t say a word, her body started to shake. My hands fumbled to find the condom in my pocket but there wasn’t much hesitation on my part. She wasn’t stopping me either.
Some rationality hit me then.
Fuck. Stop, Landon. Don’t. Think of Macy. Think of Cash.
My body wouldn’t listen though. I wanted this. A way to cope. A way to forget for a second. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to feel something besides the everyday feeling and I was sure this was the answer.’
Macy forgives Landon but not Madison:
‘Madison’s eyes flickered to Cash’s before she looked back to Macy. “I know, and I’m sorry! I know that I hurt you and I hate myself. Just tell me what I need to do. How can I fix this?”
Macy stared at her sister, one of her best friends, before she said, “You can’t! You can’t fix anything you’ve done!”
I slid down the wall I was leaning against, brought my knees up to my chest and dropped my head. Everything around me fell apart. I shut down, it was the only way.
I’ve lost all control.
I couldn’t deal any longer.
I ripped those gutters off that perfect house. I tore the door off the hinges, broke the windows, and set the grass on fire. I ripped every pedal off that beautiful rose leaving it broken and ugly just like the house.
She was right. We can’t fix anything we’ve done. Macy forgave me after that night as if it never happened. In reality, she forgave me before it even happened. That’s just Macy though. She wasn’t ready to lose the only piece of us we had left. I should have ended things right then and there between us but I couldn’t. I’m a selfish asshole. Deep down inside I need that girl more than I need my last breath.’
“Did you sleep with Madison?” Macy asked as we sat on her bed the next day after the disaster that prom was.
“No, I didn’t have sex with Madison. Alexa walked in before that happened.” I answered honestly.
“Would you have if Alexa didn’t walk in?” She said through a cry.
I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already had but I can’t lie to her either. Instead of answering her, I just nodded my head.
Macy gasped before a strangled cry escaped her. “Why Landon? Why are you running to Madison instead of me? Why?” she cried.
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “You’ll never understand, Macy.”
This beautiful discussion about what happened:
Madison hands me the joint back that we are smoking. I inhale and ask Madison something I’ve always wanted to know. “Would you have let me?”
“Let you fuck me?”
“Jesus…” I laugh. Madison is always so blunt about things. I love that she keeps it real and doesn’t try to add the fluff all the time. “You’re so fucking crass.”
“So…”
Madison shrugs, clearly avoiding my question. By the way she’s staring at her hands, she doesn’t want to answer it, or she’s thinking about something else entirely.
“Answer it.”
“Answer what?”
I roll my eyes. “Stop avoiding the question.” I need the answer. I stone my expression so she knows I’m serious. “Would you have let me?”
Madison thinks for a second and I’m curious what she’s going to say next. It could be anything knowing her. “I probably would have let you stick it in.” I shake my head, she’s fucking kidding around. “But then I would have stopped you.”
“Oh, man,” my head falls back against the wall with a thud as I laugh, “that would have totally sucked for me.”
I wonder what would happen if I did have sex with Madison. We’ve had so many opportunities that had we really wanted to, we could have.
I’m not gonna lie, I have thought about it. She’s so different than Macy that I wonder.
(Yeah they seem real remorseful, and we are meant to believe he loves Macy!)
But don’t worry because he is actually dedicated to Macy really:
‘I would have done just that too. I would have taken anything she would have given me that night. It’s what I did back then. Madison is one of the very few people I trust completely. She understands me on an emotional level that I don’t let others see. She knows me almost as much as Macy does. The only difference is that Macy gets the physical side. People may see me around campus and at parties with other girls but they don’t know what happens between them and me. Only I know. Yeah, I’ve kissed other girls, I’ve felt them up, I’ve stuck my hands down some of their panties but that’s all that has happened. The second I get close to going further Macy flashes into my mind and it’s like a bucket of cold water has been thrown on me. And whether I want to admit it or not, Macy has my heart wrapped around every possible side of her so much so that no one will ever be able to separate us.’
There is more...
‘I let that sink in for a few moments. She doesn’t put her emotions into it. She doesn’t feel it. She doesn’t let it. She’s just having a good time. Is that how Landon thinks? I know he’s messing around with Madison even if he says that he’s not. I know they’re still friends and they hang out a lot. I’ve even seen him countless times over the years flirting with other girls at parties while we were “taking a break.” I’ve watched him tease girls when he doesn’t know I’m in the same room as him. Hell, I’ve seen him kiss a girl or two right in front of me.
Does he leave his feelings out of it like Heather does? Does he numb himself with them? I know he doesn’t care about them. He sees right through them. I see it in his eyes. The only time he’s not looking through someone is when he’s with Madison and me. My stomach turns. My sister. It makes me sick to think that he can find comfort in her. He finds comfort in me too and he tells me it’s only ever me he feels but why can’t I be enough? Why can’t he just see me?
Fuck.
Why am I still with him? Why can’t I be strong enough to walk away? Hell, why can’t I turn my feelings off and just live my life the way he is?’
‘Landon has some girl pushed up against the wall. His hands are on her thighs under her skirt.
Landon must feel my gaze burning into the back of his head because he turns and his eyes land on me. I let the anger take over. I replace it with the heartache he is causing. He’s cut me deep, so deep once again.’
Then After she runs off in pain:
‘He tries to look innocent. “I wasn’t doing anything.”
I fold my arms across my chest and laugh dryly, “Yeah, it didn’t look like you were doing anything. Did you feel how wet she was? How wet you made her from just giving her the time of day?”
I’m livid. He’s a fucking idiot if he thinks he can tell me he wasn’t doing anything.
“Yeah, she was wet. So what? Does it hurt you to know I made her wet?”
I am sorry he may be grieving and thinks he cannot be with Macy because he doesn’t deserve happiness. But what he is doing is hurting and punishing Macy too, if he really loved her, he wouldn’t be with other girls, and he sure as hell would not let her see it!
This is just laughable:
‘I push Landon’s arm. “You can’t do this after you just had your fucking hand up that bitch’s skirt, Landon.” I see my words burning him as they sink in. I’ve never told him no when it came to anything sexual before. “If you want some go back to that piece of trailer trash. You seemed to have been having a good time with her. You weren’t thinking about me, obviously.”
He doesn’t say anything at first. Just stares into my blue grey eyes that used to be so full of light, so carefree. But he dimmed them, damn near made them pitch black.
“You, Macy. It’s always you.”
If Landon cannot commit to her, than he should let her go, but he doesn’t, because he is selfish.
This when telling Cash about Madison:
“We made out freshman year while we were studying. We were sober and wanted to see if there were any feelings there. There weren’t.” I wait for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. So I ask, because it’s only fair, “Did you sleep with Macy?”
Madison proves further how much of a bitch she is, when Macy tries to forgive her, and she basically says this:
“He was just there, Macy.” Madison pulls out of my hold but still faces me. “Haven’t you ever been curious…about Cash?”
The daydream about Cash makes my cheeks instantly flush. “Yes. I have.”
“And?”
“I would never act on it,” I say defensively because she needs to know that nothing would ever happen with Cash and I.
“But you thought about it…”
Ha ha, yes because it’s exactly the same thing! Also, I noticed they did not come clean to Macy about the other time they made out, Madison and Landon were a joke! They say they love Cash and Macy but treat them like crap and never put them first. I am sorry but this book is not a romance or a love story, it is pathetic. It is basically a step by step guide on signs to look for, in order not to let people emotionally abuse you. Also, the girl blaming was an added bonus, when Landon cheats basically, it is because he is grieving and in pain, the poor soul, so all of forgiven. But the girls he cheats with should know better, they are inexcusable harlots. While I loathe Madison, it is not fair to forgive Landon but freeze her out. Also, the girl who Landon is getting with that Macy witnesses, is labelled trailer trash? Really? Grow up and hold your man child boyfriend accountable for his own bloody actions!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
no-way-jose
May 23, 2017
September 6, 2016
I do not like to leave a bad rating without saying why so here goes.
I am a firm believer in the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Apparently the characters in this book have never heard of that and heard that kicking a dog when it's down, over and over and over again is a great thing to do. Why do authors think readers enjoy weak, doormat heroines? Why??????
In all fairness this is a very young adult book and I only read it because I was intrigued about what the big regret was. My regret is even finishing it. Not for me and I would not suggest letting any impressionable young women read it either.
I am a firm believer in the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Apparently the characters in this book have never heard of that and heard that kicking a dog when it's down, over and over and over again is a great thing to do. Why do authors think readers enjoy weak, doormat heroines? Why??????
In all fairness this is a very young adult book and I only read it because I was intrigued about what the big regret was. My regret is even finishing it. Not for me and I would not suggest letting any impressionable young women read it either.
August 29, 2017
OK
Don't know what to say about this book really. So I'll blurt out the obvious. Heroine was a doormate!!! And despite the fucked up situation their group of friends went through, the hero was a complete douche.
You see, had we gotten to know him better. Had he been likeable before the accident. Had we perhaps seen some redeeming qualities in him, then maybe I would have accepted that the heroine took him back. But since none of the above took place, I could not EVER forgive a guy who was about to screw my twin sister. Then who goes on to mess about with other woman for three years!!
There just wasn't enough grovelling and enough reason for him to have treated her so damn bad.
Don't know what to say about this book really. So I'll blurt out the obvious. Heroine was a doormate!!! And despite the fucked up situation their group of friends went through, the hero was a complete douche.
You see, had we gotten to know him better. Had he been likeable before the accident. Had we perhaps seen some redeeming qualities in him, then maybe I would have accepted that the heroine took him back. But since none of the above took place, I could not EVER forgive a guy who was about to screw my twin sister. Then who goes on to mess about with other woman for three years!!
There just wasn't enough grovelling and enough reason for him to have treated her so damn bad.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 27, 2020
2/20 re-read:
A friend of mine asked me to re read this bc she said it was different from her memory, so I did. And it's different than I remembered, too. I think the author worked a little of it over, bc I got where she was going this time. So a solid 3 stars. I'm not into NA, so even though it has one of my favorite tropes, it's still not something I would read again for pleasure.
Original review:
I think I understand where the author was trying to go with this one, but it just didn't work IMO. Just made the heroine look weak..
A friend of mine asked me to re read this bc she said it was different from her memory, so I did. And it's different than I remembered, too. I think the author worked a little of it over, bc I got where she was going this time. So a solid 3 stars. I'm not into NA, so even though it has one of my favorite tropes, it's still not something I would read again for pleasure.
Original review:
I think I understand where the author was trying to go with this one, but it just didn't work IMO. Just made the heroine look weak..
Read
August 28, 2016Not a review of the book, just a reminder to myself that this book has a cheating hero. Do not read this.
December 16, 2017
Spoilers so don’t say I didn’t warn you.
6 friends and 1 dies in a car accident they are all in. They were 3 couples. 2 twin sisters and their boyfriends and another couple. The H ( cheating POS) and the h (biggest doormat since Ever in the Forever series from JW)
The H and the other twin, not his girlfriend Macy but his friend Cash’s girlfriend, are making out and ripping each other’s clothes off in a closet at prom and get caught by all of them. The h Macy forgives him and for the next 3 years at college he fucks around with all girls at parties but he says doesn’t actually have actual sex (but fingers them and kisses them and this is RiGHT IN FRONT OF MACY! She sees him do it. She forgives him over and over. He is feeling guilty and so is the whore sister who still hangs with him. She ducks around with anything that moves and is an addict now too. They finally get clean and it’s a HEA. How the hell does this shit happen?!?! He finally realizes what he’s been doing and everyone is just supposed to forgive him? Um, see over there, down the street, that is where you can go with that Bullshit! And the sister?!? Omg, Cash, the boyfriend still wants her. WHY???? So many stupid people here and the 2 people who got stepped all over should have gotten together. They had a better chance than the MCs. I hated Landon the whole book. What a total asshole, and he even new it. For Pete’s sake he was fingering a girl in front of her at a party. Never ever would he get a second chance ever! How could you trust him?
At the end he’s sober and they have a baby but aren’t married but live together and they are putting off marriage until after the NFL draft. Yup
I just could not get past the sister, who he never stopped talking to and the other girls he messed around with. Scumbag and a doormat!
6 friends and 1 dies in a car accident they are all in. They were 3 couples. 2 twin sisters and their boyfriends and another couple. The H ( cheating POS) and the h (biggest doormat since Ever in the Forever series from JW)
The H and the other twin, not his girlfriend Macy but his friend Cash’s girlfriend, are making out and ripping each other’s clothes off in a closet at prom and get caught by all of them. The h Macy forgives him and for the next 3 years at college he fucks around with all girls at parties but he says doesn’t actually have actual sex (but fingers them and kisses them and this is RiGHT IN FRONT OF MACY! She sees him do it. She forgives him over and over. He is feeling guilty and so is the whore sister who still hangs with him. She ducks around with anything that moves and is an addict now too. They finally get clean and it’s a HEA. How the hell does this shit happen?!?! He finally realizes what he’s been doing and everyone is just supposed to forgive him? Um, see over there, down the street, that is where you can go with that Bullshit! And the sister?!? Omg, Cash, the boyfriend still wants her. WHY???? So many stupid people here and the 2 people who got stepped all over should have gotten together. They had a better chance than the MCs. I hated Landon the whole book. What a total asshole, and he even new it. For Pete’s sake he was fingering a girl in front of her at a party. Never ever would he get a second chance ever! How could you trust him?
At the end he’s sober and they have a baby but aren’t married but live together and they are putting off marriage until after the NFL draft. Yup
I just could not get past the sister, who he never stopped talking to and the other girls he messed around with. Scumbag and a doormat!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 6, 2016
1 Star
DNF at 57% (I can't believe I even got this far!)
SPOILERS AHEAD
I haven't read a bad book in a while, so I guess it was long overdue.
This book was so not what I expected. It was simply a non-stop pity and drug fest. Seriously! It really really annoyed me! And all those sexy scenes... Meeehhhh... Too early and too many.
And again all this self-pity from the main male character... Ugh!
The blurb says that this novel "has been fully reedited from cover to cover"... Nope. There were so many misspellings and so many parts of the text were grey instead of black, it was confusing! And worst thing of all: there was a huge inconsistency on the first three pages... Yes, on the first THREE pages! Really?!
Dear Megan, I don't doubt that you reedited this novel, because I'm pretty sure you did. But your editor did a really bad job with it. Fire him or her immediately and look for a new one.
Megan, I have your "Love" box set on my kindle and I am a little reluctant to read it now... But you are a Jersey girl like me, so I will give it a try in a while. :)
*I was given an ARC by Megan's PA.*
DNF at 57% (I can't believe I even got this far!)
SPOILERS AHEAD
I haven't read a bad book in a while, so I guess it was long overdue.
This book was so not what I expected. It was simply a non-stop pity and drug fest. Seriously! It really really annoyed me! And all those sexy scenes... Meeehhhh... Too early and too many.
And again all this self-pity from the main male character... Ugh!
The blurb says that this novel "has been fully reedited from cover to cover"... Nope. There were so many misspellings and so many parts of the text were grey instead of black, it was confusing! And worst thing of all: there was a huge inconsistency on the first three pages... Yes, on the first THREE pages! Really?!
Dear Megan, I don't doubt that you reedited this novel, because I'm pretty sure you did. But your editor did a really bad job with it. Fire him or her immediately and look for a new one.
Megan, I have your "Love" box set on my kindle and I am a little reluctant to read it now... But you are a Jersey girl like me, so I will give it a try in a while. :)
*I was given an ARC by Megan's PA.*
August 23, 2016
Just like the title says, this book is about surviving. This is a coming of age story that begins with a group who are having the times of their lives as seniors in high school. Choices are made one night that leads to years of regret for this group of friends. Friendships are tested. Relationships are destroyed.
I have read all of Megan’s books. From time to time, I go back and binge read The Love series. She isn’t afraid to take you on an emotional rollercoaster. This time she does it with a football player and the girl who becomes his shining star in high school.
Landon and Macy go through hell because neither has dealt with the things that happened that night. Landon doesn’t believe that he deserves Macy’s love and even though he gives her reason after reason, she has a hard time staying away.
This book will break your heart, piss you off, and make you smile and fall in love with these characters.
This is another phenomenal book that will go onto my list of favorites from this author. There are a lot of side characters who are important to the story. After spending a lot of time with them, I can’t help but wonder if maybe the author will turn this into another series!
I have read all of Megan’s books. From time to time, I go back and binge read The Love series. She isn’t afraid to take you on an emotional rollercoaster. This time she does it with a football player and the girl who becomes his shining star in high school.
Landon and Macy go through hell because neither has dealt with the things that happened that night. Landon doesn’t believe that he deserves Macy’s love and even though he gives her reason after reason, she has a hard time staying away.
This book will break your heart, piss you off, and make you smile and fall in love with these characters.
This is another phenomenal book that will go onto my list of favorites from this author. There are a lot of side characters who are important to the story. After spending a lot of time with them, I can’t help but wonder if maybe the author will turn this into another series!
August 24, 2016
One moment can change your entire life..
This story reads like a journal.. Very real, very emotional. It hits you right between your heart and soul and doesn't let go, even after the last page is turned. I believe that this book was written as a reality check. Every action that we do, every decision that we make, has repercussions.. We are in charge of our destiny. We can right things, to help us get past what it is that we need to, to help ensure ourselves happiness. Yes, this book will effect you, it will bring about emotions, it will touch you to the point of tears.. and probably leave you with a book hangover.! This is definitely one my favorites by Ms. Smith and I look forward to seeing if she writes more involving these characters.
This story reads like a journal.. Very real, very emotional. It hits you right between your heart and soul and doesn't let go, even after the last page is turned. I believe that this book was written as a reality check. Every action that we do, every decision that we make, has repercussions.. We are in charge of our destiny. We can right things, to help us get past what it is that we need to, to help ensure ourselves happiness. Yes, this book will effect you, it will bring about emotions, it will touch you to the point of tears.. and probably leave you with a book hangover.! This is definitely one my favorites by Ms. Smith and I look forward to seeing if she writes more involving these characters.
August 30, 2016
Such an emotional read. And by emotional I mean I was all over the place. My own emotions ran wild. I was happy, worried, mad, anxious, disgusted, giddy, and sad. So many emotions thrown into a book. All of the characters were great. I so wanted to punch Landon and even Madison and then I was angry at Macy for grudging Madison and still talking to Landon. That really blew me away but some people to forgive more freely I suppose. The one thing I didn't like is it was kinda short. I wanted to know more about their lives. I mean no cliffhanger but still had some questions. All in all a really good read.
June 12, 2021
MEH. Why do I continue to try to read and enjoy new adult books? Every now and then I come across one that grabs me. That was not the case this time. I think I am just too damn old to read books about this age group now. On the upside, there are so many books about older trainwrecks I can enjoy, so I'm not crying about this personal discovery! I do think that folks who can stomach the tropes and who may be closer in age and circumstance to the characters might enjoy this book. It's just not for me.
August 24, 2016
**I received a copy of surviving Regret from the author through Sassy Savvy Fabulous PR in exchange for an honest review**
Surviving Regret is a story about how one bad decision can multiply into a web of regret, lies, and betrayal. A once unbreakable bond between six friends is shattered when a tragic accident takes place and a life is lost.
Landon Hayes is living his life in a haze and has been since the fateful night caused by bad decisions that in the long run led to his best friends death. Drugs and alcohol are the only thing that helps numb the pain and removes the screaming voices from his thoughts.
Macy Thomas was there that night. She witnessed everything as it was happening. She can’t get the images out of her mind. For three years Macy has watched Landon slowly spiral out of control and watches as he builds walls around his heart to block out everyone and everything.
Surviving Regret broke my heart. I can’t get over the fact that this novel felt so real. It was as if i was witnessing this tragic story unfold. watching Macy and Landon’s once strong bond unravel and turn into dust was heartbreaking. There were times i wanted to reach into my Kindle and strangle Landon for being such a dick. Then there were times i wanted to shake Macy for being Landon’s doormat. I realized though it takes strength and guts to stand by someone that doesn’t want anyone to stand next to them. It took a lot for Macy to stand next to Landon even through all the hurt he put her through she still stood tall knowing this wasn’t Landon but the guilt he had built up over the years talking.
I loved Cash. He was the shoulder for Macy to lean on even though he was dealing with the pain of that night. He focused on the pain and made good out of the situation by excelling himself to be great. To be a man his now deceased best friend would be proud of. He lived everyday for his friend knowing he was giving a chance at life and he wasn’t going to waste it.
I loved Surviving Regret even though at some points it was heartbreaking to read i felt like the message came across loud and clear.
Your actions have consequences and whether you try to fix the issue at hand or bury it deep down is on you. Only you can make things right in your life.
Now is where i get to my favorite part of the novel. As i stated above, i loved how real this novel felt. I loved the real life issues the characters had to face head on. This novel literally sent chills down my spine do to the realism.
My heart broke for Alexa when the tragic scene was unfolding and throughout the novel. I just wish she was mentioned a little more throughout the novel. I get why she wasn’t though because that led to the BAM moment that in the end forced the group of friends to reunite and face each other again.
Seriously, i feel like you all should read Surviving Regret. It has a lot of angst and moments that will no doubt cause you to shed some tears but i wouldn’t change a single thing or a single emotion that it pried out of me. The realism of this novel will no doubt put you in a book hangover!
Surviving Regret is a story about how one bad decision can multiply into a web of regret, lies, and betrayal. A once unbreakable bond between six friends is shattered when a tragic accident takes place and a life is lost.
Landon Hayes is living his life in a haze and has been since the fateful night caused by bad decisions that in the long run led to his best friends death. Drugs and alcohol are the only thing that helps numb the pain and removes the screaming voices from his thoughts.
Macy Thomas was there that night. She witnessed everything as it was happening. She can’t get the images out of her mind. For three years Macy has watched Landon slowly spiral out of control and watches as he builds walls around his heart to block out everyone and everything.
Surviving Regret broke my heart. I can’t get over the fact that this novel felt so real. It was as if i was witnessing this tragic story unfold. watching Macy and Landon’s once strong bond unravel and turn into dust was heartbreaking. There were times i wanted to reach into my Kindle and strangle Landon for being such a dick. Then there were times i wanted to shake Macy for being Landon’s doormat. I realized though it takes strength and guts to stand by someone that doesn’t want anyone to stand next to them. It took a lot for Macy to stand next to Landon even through all the hurt he put her through she still stood tall knowing this wasn’t Landon but the guilt he had built up over the years talking.
I loved Cash. He was the shoulder for Macy to lean on even though he was dealing with the pain of that night. He focused on the pain and made good out of the situation by excelling himself to be great. To be a man his now deceased best friend would be proud of. He lived everyday for his friend knowing he was giving a chance at life and he wasn’t going to waste it.
I loved Surviving Regret even though at some points it was heartbreaking to read i felt like the message came across loud and clear.
Your actions have consequences and whether you try to fix the issue at hand or bury it deep down is on you. Only you can make things right in your life.
Now is where i get to my favorite part of the novel. As i stated above, i loved how real this novel felt. I loved the real life issues the characters had to face head on. This novel literally sent chills down my spine do to the realism.
My heart broke for Alexa when the tragic scene was unfolding and throughout the novel. I just wish she was mentioned a little more throughout the novel. I get why she wasn’t though because that led to the BAM moment that in the end forced the group of friends to reunite and face each other again.
Seriously, i feel like you all should read Surviving Regret. It has a lot of angst and moments that will no doubt cause you to shed some tears but i wouldn’t change a single thing or a single emotion that it pried out of me. The realism of this novel will no doubt put you in a book hangover!
August 26, 2016
In a blink of an eye everything in Landon and Macy's life changes. This story is well written and filled with some angst. It is a well thought out story that will break your heart and tear at your heartstrings. Guilt can destroy people and lead them onto a rocky path that only hurts the people around you and yourself even more. Landon feels so much guilt he doesn't know how to survive with the regret of his actions. Macy just loves Landon and clings onto whatever part of Landon she can just so she can have a small piece of what once was. Can these two survive the regret they both have from the night that changed so many lives forever?
Blurb:
One devastating night leaves friendships and relationships irrevocably changed.
Landon Hayes, an all-star wide receiver, is spiraling out of control after one shattering night that altered everything for him. He has one shining star left in his life but he knows he doesn’t deserve it.
Macy Thomas, a college sweetheart trying to find her way, is holding on to the boy who stole her heart. She’s stuck on the sidelines watching as he throws his life away though. The guilt is pulling him into the blackness threatening to take her and everything he has going for him along with it.
When the heartbreaking reality sets in, can Macy still be Landon’s guiding light or is the past too cloudy to help them find their way back to each other?
Blurb:
One devastating night leaves friendships and relationships irrevocably changed.
Landon Hayes, an all-star wide receiver, is spiraling out of control after one shattering night that altered everything for him. He has one shining star left in his life but he knows he doesn’t deserve it.
Macy Thomas, a college sweetheart trying to find her way, is holding on to the boy who stole her heart. She’s stuck on the sidelines watching as he throws his life away though. The guilt is pulling him into the blackness threatening to take her and everything he has going for him along with it.
When the heartbreaking reality sets in, can Macy still be Landon’s guiding light or is the past too cloudy to help them find their way back to each other?
August 25, 2016
When I first saw the synopsis of this book I knew it was one I absolutely HAD to read. The first few chapters drew me in, even as I had a sense of foreboding, and shattered me, making me feel everything Landon and Macy, the main characters, were feeling. I had things I needed to do that day but I knew almost instantly that it was not going to happen. I ended up finishing this wonderful book within hours. If I was trying to sort laundry I had my kindle in hand. Dishes? Kindle app open on my phone. I could not stay out of the world Megan Smith created, and I was okay with that. I needed to know where these 2 loves were going, and the supporting cast had was perfect as well. This story was full of angst, sorrow and the aftermath of tragedy, showing us all how differently we all deal with difficult situations. I look forward to more books from Ms. Smith, and am secretly hoping for more of this cast of characters.
August 25, 2016
What an amazing read. This book had me aching for every character in it. Landon and Macy are high school sweethearts. They are best friends with 2 other couples. The three are football stars headed towards greatness until an accident changes the course of these 6 lives. This book was an emotional rollercoaster. I hurt for what all of the characters were experiencing. The author does such a great job of developing the characters and making the reader feel all of the emotions. This is a book about how survivor's guilt will destroy a life just as much as death. It's hard to watch what these characters go through. The worst is the fact that they splintered apart when they should have been leaning on each other. I think this emotional read knocked it out of the park. Definitely a book hangover after this.
August 25, 2016
Megan Smith has once again taken me through a whirlwind of emotions with her latest release, Surviving Regret. She has an amazing ability to develop characters in such a way that you can't help but connect to from the start. I found myself devouring this book to find out what would happen next. There were times I laughed, cried and even had to just walk away from the story (though for only a few minutes because I had to know what would happen next).
This book is not your typical romance. It is a very realistic story about never giving up on those you love. It is based upon two people, but entwines six friends as they grow up. These six friends were on top of their world, until one tragic even ripped it apart. The regret they have from this event nearly ends them all, but like the title, somehow they find a way to survive.
This book is not your typical romance. It is a very realistic story about never giving up on those you love. It is based upon two people, but entwines six friends as they grow up. These six friends were on top of their world, until one tragic even ripped it apart. The regret they have from this event nearly ends them all, but like the title, somehow they find a way to survive.
August 25, 2016
4.5 stars
Megan definitely takes us on an emotional roller coaster in Surviving Regret. Macy and Landon are madly in love until one night their lives change for the worst. The couple must overcome the decisions they made, and come to terms with the accident that sent them spiraling out of control.
I first read this as Forever Dark, but it was made even better with all the new content. Highly recommend.
Megan definitely takes us on an emotional roller coaster in Surviving Regret. Macy and Landon are madly in love until one night their lives change for the worst. The couple must overcome the decisions they made, and come to terms with the accident that sent them spiraling out of control.
I first read this as Forever Dark, but it was made even better with all the new content. Highly recommend.
October 4, 2016
I love an angsty new adult read, but I need the heroine to have some inner strength to stand up to the hero who often is an ass. Surviving Regret could have been one of those reads, but the only inner strength this heroine had was to stand up to being repeatedly walked all over.
Full review to come.
Full review to come.
March 31, 2020
Enough angst to cause whiplash...a tragedy unfolds involving six high school friends all caught up in celebrating when disaster strikes...and lives are irrevocably altered.
Landon’s spiral takes him into an abyss of betrayal, drug addiction, self recrimination and bad decisions.
Survivor’s guilt impacts everyone differently, Landon and Madison handle their guilt with substance abuse and erecting walls, keeping everyone at a distance and self-destructing. Landon blames himself because he dropped his ‘joint’ down Steven’s back and was unable to retrieve it with his impaired judgement at the time.
Three years ago after their High School won the state championship… that night they lost their best friend in a car accident. ‘A car with a drunk driver was coming around the bend with their high beams on and it blinded us all. I was being begged to get down but when I was trying to get down I dropped the joint I was smoking down Steven’s back. He was yelling at me to get it, it was burning him. The next thing I know the car had come to a complete stop. Steven was trapped in the car and there was substantial blood loss and died’.
His life spirals further out of control, taking the bystanders with him. Cash and Macy remain on the sidelines as they’ve pushed them away. Madison and Landon engage in indiscriminating sexual partners, drug and alcohol abuse.
On the night of their senior prom, Landon joins Madison (his girlfriend, Macy’s twin,) in a janitorial closet, both of them betraying Cash and Macy, because she understands him better. As I stepped into the closet and shut the door behind me the pungent smell from the weed she was smoking invaded my senses. The pain will never go completely away but it seemed manageable when I was drunk and high. Madison and I shared a bond that others didn’t. Or maybe it was guilt we shared that we simply confused in our minds as a bond? They didn’t cause the accident. We did. We were the two who caused everyone else’s pain. The only way I could survive day-to-day was to smoke, to drink, to numb the sounds of that night away.
I stepped forward. My left hand reached out to touch Madison’s hips as she
moved and brought her against me. She wasn’t mine to touch, but I did anyway, testing a boundary that should never be tested. I knew what I was doing when I leaned in. She did too. You can’t tell me we didn’t know and have me believe you. Madison gave me what I was looking for, she didn’t ask for anything in return. It wasn’t the normal sweet tasting kiss. I wondered if Madison felt it too. My tongue moved against hers. I grunted, pushed her small delicate body against the wall. She groaned and pushed down against my leg harder. I gripped her in my hands, and raised her up so her legs were spread. Pressing forward, my erection dug into her. The newness, the anticipation, all of it sent a jolt through my body, a shiver I felt run down my spine. One I hadn’t felt in a while. We both gasped, her hands flew to my chest tugging at my tie and white dress shirt. I helped her out, my lips never breaking from hers.
“I have a condom… ” I whispered, gasping for breath.
She didn’t say a word, her body started to shake. My hands fumbled to find
the condom in my pocket but there wasn’t much hesitation on my part. She wasn’t stopping me either.
My body wouldn’t listen though. I wanted this. A way to cope. A way to forget
for a second. I wanted her.
Madison’s body shook against me again. “Landon…” she pushed against my
shoulders.
Alexa!
“Goddamn it!” I punched the wall and quickly pulled my pants up to go after Alexa. Madison followed behind me. Stepping out of the closet, we came face to face with Alexa, Cash, and Macy. All was quiet for just a few seconds until it was so loud my ears felt like they were bleeding. The tears streamed down her face, even being presented with evidence of their betrayal, feeling a lack of remorse; and he still couldn’t look at her. He wanted to forget. He looked to Cash, he was shaking his head. He blinked and stared at me. I hated the look he gave me. I touched his girl. His. Not mine. Madison, who was standing beside me, took a deep breath; I could feel the trembling of her body from even a foot away. “We need to talk, Macy.”
“No. Actually, we don’t need to talk because we’ve done nothing but talk these past four months yet nothing has changed. Nothing!” Madison’s eyes flickered to Cash’s before she looked back to Macy. “I know, and I’m sorry! I know that I hurt you and I hate myself. Just tell me what I need to do. How can I fix this?”
“I NEVER want to see you again, Madison! You’re no longer my sister.”
Macy forgave Landon after that night as if it never happened. How could she forgive him but punish her sister for doing the same thing? How is he exempt and not held accountable? I would not have forgiven either of them.
Landon tries everything in his power to force her to walk away but they’re on a vicious cycle of retreating, he’d sleep around, get high as a kite and they’d repeat the vicious cycle.
(Macy)
Landon did cheat on me with my sister in some ways. I let him get away with it.
I turned a blind eye because he’s all I have left. I don’t try to run his life and tell him he can’t talk to my sister and he isn’t going to tell me I can’t talk to Cash.
This is the road I choose and I have to deal with all the bumps along the way.
I can’t. I don’t know how to move on without them in my life. Losing what little we are all holding onto is not a sacrifice I’m willing to make…so I deal, the only
way I know how, just like Alexa does with her avoidance of us all, just like Cash
in his devotion to my sister, just like Madison does with her loose ways and her drug use, and just like Landon does with the walls he erects to keep those who love him at arm’s length and his need to erase the pain.
We’re sitting on her bed with our back against the wall and the pizza box
laying between us. We just finished studying but I think it went in one ear and
out the other.
“I just don’t get it,” I groan, “She’s like my mother at times.”
“You know what I don’t get...” I see the hurt in Madison’s eyes. “I can’t
blame Macy for hating me for what happened but what hurts the most is that she forgave you and not me. I don’t get it.”
“Did you sleep with Madison?” Macy asked as we sat on her bed the next day after the disaster that prom was.
“No, I didn’t have sex with Madison. Alexa walked in before that happened.”
“Would you have if Alexa didn’t walk in?”
I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already had but I can’t lie to her either. Instead of answering her, I just nodded my head.
“Why Landon? Why are you running to Madison instead of me? Why?” she cried. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “You’ll never understand, Macy.”
“And Madison does?”
“She understands the pain.”
“I was there too. I saw the whole thing happen and there wasn’t a damn thing I could have done to stop it. It was an accident.
“If I wasn’t smoking I wouldn’t have dropped the joint. See, this is why I run to Madison.”
“I don’t want to lose you too, Landon,”
She didn’t realize that she already had but I don’t tell her that. If she needed me to be able to cope then so be it. It’s all I could do to make this a little bit better for her.
Macy chooses to numb her feelings with him, its the only plausible explanation. me. It’s the only thing that makes sense, how else could she deal with me knowing I’ve hooked up with other girls during our on again, off again relationship.
She recognises that he’s messing around with Madison even if he says that he’s not. ‘I’ve even seen him countless times over the years flirting with other girls at parties while we were ‘taking a break’. I’ve watched him tease girls when he doesn’t know I’m in the same room as him. Hell, I’ve seen him kiss a girl or two right in front of me’. All that humiliation and still she stays with him.
My stomach turns. My sister. It makes me sick to think that he can find comfort in her. Why am I still with him? Why can’t I be strong enough to walk away Landon’s spiral takes him to an abyss of betrayal, drug addiction, self-recrimination and bad decisions and Macy remains a martyr enabling him.
Survivor’s guilt spirals into a turmoil of drug use, indiscriminate sexual encounters and bad behaviour. Macy instantly forgives Landon but not her sister. Landon’s continued bad decision-making and callousness is never addressed nor does he express remorse for his actions and the people he’s hurt.
Eventually an unplanned pregnancy helps mend fences and all is sunshine, unicorns and rainbows.
Landon’s spiral takes him into an abyss of betrayal, drug addiction, self recrimination and bad decisions.
Survivor’s guilt impacts everyone differently, Landon and Madison handle their guilt with substance abuse and erecting walls, keeping everyone at a distance and self-destructing. Landon blames himself because he dropped his ‘joint’ down Steven’s back and was unable to retrieve it with his impaired judgement at the time.
Three years ago after their High School won the state championship… that night they lost their best friend in a car accident. ‘A car with a drunk driver was coming around the bend with their high beams on and it blinded us all. I was being begged to get down but when I was trying to get down I dropped the joint I was smoking down Steven’s back. He was yelling at me to get it, it was burning him. The next thing I know the car had come to a complete stop. Steven was trapped in the car and there was substantial blood loss and died’.
His life spirals further out of control, taking the bystanders with him. Cash and Macy remain on the sidelines as they’ve pushed them away. Madison and Landon engage in indiscriminating sexual partners, drug and alcohol abuse.
On the night of their senior prom, Landon joins Madison (his girlfriend, Macy’s twin,) in a janitorial closet, both of them betraying Cash and Macy, because she understands him better. As I stepped into the closet and shut the door behind me the pungent smell from the weed she was smoking invaded my senses. The pain will never go completely away but it seemed manageable when I was drunk and high. Madison and I shared a bond that others didn’t. Or maybe it was guilt we shared that we simply confused in our minds as a bond? They didn’t cause the accident. We did. We were the two who caused everyone else’s pain. The only way I could survive day-to-day was to smoke, to drink, to numb the sounds of that night away.
I stepped forward. My left hand reached out to touch Madison’s hips as she
moved and brought her against me. She wasn’t mine to touch, but I did anyway, testing a boundary that should never be tested. I knew what I was doing when I leaned in. She did too. You can’t tell me we didn’t know and have me believe you. Madison gave me what I was looking for, she didn’t ask for anything in return. It wasn’t the normal sweet tasting kiss. I wondered if Madison felt it too. My tongue moved against hers. I grunted, pushed her small delicate body against the wall. She groaned and pushed down against my leg harder. I gripped her in my hands, and raised her up so her legs were spread. Pressing forward, my erection dug into her. The newness, the anticipation, all of it sent a jolt through my body, a shiver I felt run down my spine. One I hadn’t felt in a while. We both gasped, her hands flew to my chest tugging at my tie and white dress shirt. I helped her out, my lips never breaking from hers.
“I have a condom… ” I whispered, gasping for breath.
She didn’t say a word, her body started to shake. My hands fumbled to find
the condom in my pocket but there wasn’t much hesitation on my part. She wasn’t stopping me either.
My body wouldn’t listen though. I wanted this. A way to cope. A way to forget
for a second. I wanted her.
Madison’s body shook against me again. “Landon…” she pushed against my
shoulders.
Alexa!
“Goddamn it!” I punched the wall and quickly pulled my pants up to go after Alexa. Madison followed behind me. Stepping out of the closet, we came face to face with Alexa, Cash, and Macy. All was quiet for just a few seconds until it was so loud my ears felt like they were bleeding. The tears streamed down her face, even being presented with evidence of their betrayal, feeling a lack of remorse; and he still couldn’t look at her. He wanted to forget. He looked to Cash, he was shaking his head. He blinked and stared at me. I hated the look he gave me. I touched his girl. His. Not mine. Madison, who was standing beside me, took a deep breath; I could feel the trembling of her body from even a foot away. “We need to talk, Macy.”
“No. Actually, we don’t need to talk because we’ve done nothing but talk these past four months yet nothing has changed. Nothing!” Madison’s eyes flickered to Cash’s before she looked back to Macy. “I know, and I’m sorry! I know that I hurt you and I hate myself. Just tell me what I need to do. How can I fix this?”
“I NEVER want to see you again, Madison! You’re no longer my sister.”
Macy forgave Landon after that night as if it never happened. How could she forgive him but punish her sister for doing the same thing? How is he exempt and not held accountable? I would not have forgiven either of them.
Landon tries everything in his power to force her to walk away but they’re on a vicious cycle of retreating, he’d sleep around, get high as a kite and they’d repeat the vicious cycle.
(Macy)
Landon did cheat on me with my sister in some ways. I let him get away with it.
I turned a blind eye because he’s all I have left. I don’t try to run his life and tell him he can’t talk to my sister and he isn’t going to tell me I can’t talk to Cash.
This is the road I choose and I have to deal with all the bumps along the way.
I can’t. I don’t know how to move on without them in my life. Losing what little we are all holding onto is not a sacrifice I’m willing to make…so I deal, the only
way I know how, just like Alexa does with her avoidance of us all, just like Cash
in his devotion to my sister, just like Madison does with her loose ways and her drug use, and just like Landon does with the walls he erects to keep those who love him at arm’s length and his need to erase the pain.
We’re sitting on her bed with our back against the wall and the pizza box
laying between us. We just finished studying but I think it went in one ear and
out the other.
“I just don’t get it,” I groan, “She’s like my mother at times.”
“You know what I don’t get...” I see the hurt in Madison’s eyes. “I can’t
blame Macy for hating me for what happened but what hurts the most is that she forgave you and not me. I don’t get it.”
“Did you sleep with Madison?” Macy asked as we sat on her bed the next day after the disaster that prom was.
“No, I didn’t have sex with Madison. Alexa walked in before that happened.”
“Would you have if Alexa didn’t walk in?”
I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already had but I can’t lie to her either. Instead of answering her, I just nodded my head.
“Why Landon? Why are you running to Madison instead of me? Why?” she cried. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “You’ll never understand, Macy.”
“And Madison does?”
“She understands the pain.”
“I was there too. I saw the whole thing happen and there wasn’t a damn thing I could have done to stop it. It was an accident.
“If I wasn’t smoking I wouldn’t have dropped the joint. See, this is why I run to Madison.”
“I don’t want to lose you too, Landon,”
She didn’t realize that she already had but I don’t tell her that. If she needed me to be able to cope then so be it. It’s all I could do to make this a little bit better for her.
Macy chooses to numb her feelings with him, its the only plausible explanation. me. It’s the only thing that makes sense, how else could she deal with me knowing I’ve hooked up with other girls during our on again, off again relationship.
She recognises that he’s messing around with Madison even if he says that he’s not. ‘I’ve even seen him countless times over the years flirting with other girls at parties while we were ‘taking a break’. I’ve watched him tease girls when he doesn’t know I’m in the same room as him. Hell, I’ve seen him kiss a girl or two right in front of me’. All that humiliation and still she stays with him.
My stomach turns. My sister. It makes me sick to think that he can find comfort in her. Why am I still with him? Why can’t I be strong enough to walk away Landon’s spiral takes him to an abyss of betrayal, drug addiction, self-recrimination and bad decisions and Macy remains a martyr enabling him.
Survivor’s guilt spirals into a turmoil of drug use, indiscriminate sexual encounters and bad behaviour. Macy instantly forgives Landon but not her sister. Landon’s continued bad decision-making and callousness is never addressed nor does he express remorse for his actions and the people he’s hurt.
Eventually an unplanned pregnancy helps mend fences and all is sunshine, unicorns and rainbows.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 14, 2016
2.5 stars
I voluntarily reviewed an Advance Readers Copy of this book.
First I want to say that the author is a talented writer and story teller. She had the perfect set up introductory chapter. I could feel the playfulness and joy among all of the characters, but I also had this horrible sense of foreboding from the start. It was so strong that my stomach was in knots, and I was feeling a little ill. I think it was in the way that Macy described her relationship with Landon, her sister, and her friends. It wasn't necessarily one thing, but it was clear the author was setting the stage for a fall. And it was going to be major in terms of heartbreak.
I have to say that I barely got through this book. I didn't like Landon. He never really deserved Macy or redeemed himself after what he did. I'm not quite sure what the author was thinking. I get the downward spiral but to have it go on for 3 years and still have everyone around you trying to help seems a bit far fetched. His butt would have been kicked off that team after the first season. Also, what the hell was Macy doing? I understand forgiving one transgression due to the circumstances, but to let someone pull you down with them over and over again was too much for me. I wanted to yell at her to grow a backbone. Maybe if she would have left sooner, Landon would have gotten his act together. It would have been way more believable to have had all the crazy go down and pick the story up with Macy helping Landon through his recovery as a friend or him groveling after getting his life together with flashbacks to his pain and self destructive actions.
These kids suffered an incredible loss, but they were in high school. Why the heck didn't their parents step in and put them in counseling or rehab? And what the hell were they all holding on to 3 years later? Then Macy forgave everything so abruptly. Yes, it was 3 years later, but she'd been holding in all that pain the entire time. I expected more than just a simple, "I'm sorry" to get her past it all.
Other issues:
What the heck happened with Jay? The author set us up for a showdown with the drug dealer, but nothing ever happened.
What happened to Madison? Did she get sober? Stop whoring around?
And what about Cash? It was extremely hard for me to believe that Cash would have been that in love with Madison after all she put him through. Maybe he found a sweet girl down the road? I can only hope.
I voluntarily reviewed an Advance Readers Copy of this book.
First I want to say that the author is a talented writer and story teller. She had the perfect set up introductory chapter. I could feel the playfulness and joy among all of the characters, but I also had this horrible sense of foreboding from the start. It was so strong that my stomach was in knots, and I was feeling a little ill. I think it was in the way that Macy described her relationship with Landon, her sister, and her friends. It wasn't necessarily one thing, but it was clear the author was setting the stage for a fall. And it was going to be major in terms of heartbreak.
I have to say that I barely got through this book. I didn't like Landon. He never really deserved Macy or redeemed himself after what he did. I'm not quite sure what the author was thinking. I get the downward spiral but to have it go on for 3 years and still have everyone around you trying to help seems a bit far fetched. His butt would have been kicked off that team after the first season. Also, what the hell was Macy doing? I understand forgiving one transgression due to the circumstances, but to let someone pull you down with them over and over again was too much for me. I wanted to yell at her to grow a backbone. Maybe if she would have left sooner, Landon would have gotten his act together. It would have been way more believable to have had all the crazy go down and pick the story up with Macy helping Landon through his recovery as a friend or him groveling after getting his life together with flashbacks to his pain and self destructive actions.
These kids suffered an incredible loss, but they were in high school. Why the heck didn't their parents step in and put them in counseling or rehab? And what the hell were they all holding on to 3 years later? Then Macy forgave everything so abruptly. Yes, it was 3 years later, but she'd been holding in all that pain the entire time. I expected more than just a simple, "I'm sorry" to get her past it all.
Other issues:
What the heck happened with Jay? The author set us up for a showdown with the drug dealer, but nothing ever happened.
What happened to Madison? Did she get sober? Stop whoring around?
And what about Cash? It was extremely hard for me to believe that Cash would have been that in love with Madison after all she put him through. Maybe he found a sweet girl down the road? I can only hope.
August 30, 2016
God. I'm on a roll now by reading excellent stories.
This book gave me all the feels. I cried and laughed like I was in the story. I fell in love with every character. Each of them were unique and special in their own way.
As I started reading this book, I knew that it was not going to be pretty. Pretty like it was all rainbows and unicorns. As I kept turning pages my heart broke apart piece by piece. But I don't regret reading this book. I could never regret it. Not when the story is SO good. I was damned after a few pages.
Surviving Regret is obviously a story about regret, put as the title puts it... more than a regret story, it's a Surviving Regret story. It's about redemption, forgiveness and love. It's about the ups and downs of relationships. It's about how your life can change in a matter of seconds, and with this comes the lesson that only you have the power to do a change in your life, to be the person you want to be, to live your life like you want to.
Seriously, I got all the feels. The author taught me about Surviving Regret. About overcoming a difficult situation, to put the needs of someone else before my own. But it aldo taught me how powerful love is. How important it is to love yourselves, and if you do something wrong, to forgive yourselves and to forgive others too. And last, about how there's nothing wrong with admitting you're going to a hard time and letting others help you.
I'll finish this review/emotional rant with the best quote in this book:
"Where there is a will there is always a way."
Keep that in kind and go buy this book. Or you won't survive regret (get it?)
This book gave me all the feels. I cried and laughed like I was in the story. I fell in love with every character. Each of them were unique and special in their own way.
As I started reading this book, I knew that it was not going to be pretty. Pretty like it was all rainbows and unicorns. As I kept turning pages my heart broke apart piece by piece. But I don't regret reading this book. I could never regret it. Not when the story is SO good. I was damned after a few pages.
Surviving Regret is obviously a story about regret, put as the title puts it... more than a regret story, it's a Surviving Regret story. It's about redemption, forgiveness and love. It's about the ups and downs of relationships. It's about how your life can change in a matter of seconds, and with this comes the lesson that only you have the power to do a change in your life, to be the person you want to be, to live your life like you want to.
Seriously, I got all the feels. The author taught me about Surviving Regret. About overcoming a difficult situation, to put the needs of someone else before my own. But it aldo taught me how powerful love is. How important it is to love yourselves, and if you do something wrong, to forgive yourselves and to forgive others too. And last, about how there's nothing wrong with admitting you're going to a hard time and letting others help you.
I'll finish this review/emotional rant with the best quote in this book:
"Where there is a will there is always a way."
Keep that in kind and go buy this book. Or you won't survive regret (get it?)
August 25, 2016
I went into Surviving Regret blind as I had not read it when it was Forever Light. This is a story of love, loss, regret, guilt, and finding yourself. Once you experience something tragic you have to figure out how you want to deal with it.
When playing the game and you're down by a touchdown, how do you deal with the outcome when the buzzer rings? Your choices effect everyone around you and deciding how to deal with them is the key. Some choices aren't the best but realizing better things are out there might just pull you out of the black hole.
After one horrific night everything changes. Macy and Landon have been together on and off since high school. Macy is the sweet forgiving girl next door and Landon is the football star. Their story isn't all hearts and roses though that's what Macy deserves. College plans follow through as they had planned during high school, but its different now.
Will anything ever be the same or close to it? Follow Macy and Landon on their journey and see if they win or lose their game of love.
When playing the game and you're down by a touchdown, how do you deal with the outcome when the buzzer rings? Your choices effect everyone around you and deciding how to deal with them is the key. Some choices aren't the best but realizing better things are out there might just pull you out of the black hole.
After one horrific night everything changes. Macy and Landon have been together on and off since high school. Macy is the sweet forgiving girl next door and Landon is the football star. Their story isn't all hearts and roses though that's what Macy deserves. College plans follow through as they had planned during high school, but its different now.
Will anything ever be the same or close to it? Follow Macy and Landon on their journey and see if they win or lose their game of love.
August 24, 2016
I've enjoyed quite a few stories written by Megan Smith in the past. Surviving Regret is no different. This is a 4 star heartfelt story that consumed me.
This is the story about a group of high school friends that their lives were changed forever in one disastrous night. Now fast forward 3 years, they are in college now but some of the friends in the group can't seem to get past that night. The story is mostly centered around Macy and Landon. In order for Landon to deal with the PTSD of that night, he uses unhealthy ways to cope. Macy keeps forgiving him because she can't let go of the past either. This is their difficult journey.
This story was somber and sad. It pulled at my heartstrings because as a nurse, I get to see this quite a bit. This book is a work of fiction but it felt all too real. I really enjoyed this story about love, lost and forgiveness. Beautifully written.
This is a standalone told in dual POV with a great HEA. I recommend this book and Megan has some previous titles that are worth it also.
August 24, 2016
I absolutely loved Surviving Regret . I love Macy and Landon story it blew me away.
I love that Macy and Landon love each other even though there relationship is fragile .
Surviving Regret is about friendship lost grieving and regrets lovers family and trying to find a way to survive. I love that Macy stuck by Landon while he was grieving and doing things that he shouldn't be doing and trying to push everyone he loved away. I liked that Landon new what he was doing to Macy and his friends and family where hurting them and he was trying to stop all the stuff he shouldn't be doing. Once I started reading Surviving Regret it blew me away and I cried and laughed. Megan Smith did an amazing job on Writing surviving Regret it's far best book i have read this year. I definitely recommend that everyone should read Surviving Regret you won't be disappointed once you have start reading it.
I love that Macy and Landon love each other even though there relationship is fragile .
Surviving Regret is about friendship lost grieving and regrets lovers family and trying to find a way to survive. I love that Macy stuck by Landon while he was grieving and doing things that he shouldn't be doing and trying to push everyone he loved away. I liked that Landon new what he was doing to Macy and his friends and family where hurting them and he was trying to stop all the stuff he shouldn't be doing. Once I started reading Surviving Regret it blew me away and I cried and laughed. Megan Smith did an amazing job on Writing surviving Regret it's far best book i have read this year. I definitely recommend that everyone should read Surviving Regret you won't be disappointed once you have start reading it.
Read
August 23, 2016Surviving Regret by Megan Smith has a powerful message that will bring the reader to tears but also make them smile at the strides that these characters take following the tragedy that they face. This story takes the reader through a year in the lives of 5 high-school friends and how each of their lives is different from what they expected due to a horrible tragedy at the end of their senior year. The reader is faced with how each character struggles with the part that they believe they played in the tragedy and how that has affected their lives moving forward. The reader feels so many emotions while reading, anger, sadness, empathy, heartache and hope and it is those emotions that keep you reading to find out if Landon, Macy, Madison, Cash, and Alexa can actually begin living their lives instead of masking the pain; each in their own way; in the hope of not feeling.
3.5 Stars!!
3.5 Stars!!
August 23, 2016
Megan Smith grabs your attention and pulls at your heartstrings with Surviving Regret. Whether it be friendship between friends, lovers, or family, Smith tells us the story of friendship that has long since lost its way. Its a story of survival, of guilt, of unconditional love and even forgiveness.
From the moment I met Macy and Landon in Surviving Regret, I was intrigued by their relationship. Strong yet fragile, beautiful Macy and tortured soul Landon were terrible for each other, yet meant for each other. Smith filled her story with angst, emotion, and hope engaging me until the very end.
From the moment I met Macy and Landon in Surviving Regret, I was intrigued by their relationship. Strong yet fragile, beautiful Macy and tortured soul Landon were terrible for each other, yet meant for each other. Smith filled her story with angst, emotion, and hope engaging me until the very end.
August 25, 2016
You hear your life can change in a blink of an eye all the time for these group of tight knitted friends it did. One tragic night derailed their futures. Landon and Macy were full of life and love, but when the loss they suffered was to much to handle; Landon can't go back to his old self. Leaving behind the all American, life loving football star and transforming into a shell of a man coping in all the wrong ways. Macy and Landon's story is emotional, raw, and consuming!
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