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Who Gave You Permission?
‘Who gave you permission to speak to anybody?’ Rabbi Telsner, the leader of the Yeshivah Centre, thundered during his regular weekly sermon. It was a question directed to Manny Waks’s father, after Manny had finally gone public with his accusations of sexual abuse and its cover-up within the centre.
Manny Waks was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family, the second oldest of 17 children. As an adolescent he was sexually abused at the religious school across the road from where he lived. Betrayed by those he trusted, Manny rebelled against his way of life, though he later went on to become a prominent Jewish community leader.
In mid-2011 Manny went public about his experiences to bring justice to the abusers, and those who covered up their crimes. For his courage in speaking out, Manny and his family were intimidated and shunned by their community. Although he has been forced to leave Australia, Manny continues to advocate for survivors and hold those in power to account.
This is the story of a man who shattered a powerful code of silence, the battles he has fought, the vindication he has earned, and the extraordinary toll it has taken on his personal life and that of his loved ones.
It is also the raw self-portrait of a man on a mission, trying to live his life. Manny’s journey reminds us of the difference one man can make, and the price he has to pay.
Manny Waks was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family, the second oldest of 17 children. As an adolescent he was sexually abused at the religious school across the road from where he lived. Betrayed by those he trusted, Manny rebelled against his way of life, though he later went on to become a prominent Jewish community leader.
In mid-2011 Manny went public about his experiences to bring justice to the abusers, and those who covered up their crimes. For his courage in speaking out, Manny and his family were intimidated and shunned by their community. Although he has been forced to leave Australia, Manny continues to advocate for survivors and hold those in power to account.
This is the story of a man who shattered a powerful code of silence, the battles he has fought, the vindication he has earned, and the extraordinary toll it has taken on his personal life and that of his loved ones.
It is also the raw self-portrait of a man on a mission, trying to live his life. Manny’s journey reminds us of the difference one man can make, and the price he has to pay.
- GenresNonfiction
352 pages, Paperback
Published October 3, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
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May 24, 2018A gripping narrative of exceptional power.
Alan Gold, J-Wire
Absorbing … Waks tells how he became a “reluctant troublemaker”, speaking out on behalf of those who fear to do so, and of the renewed sense of purpose this role has given him.
Fiona Capp, The Age
A forthright and compelling narrative … Who Gave You Permission? is particularly recommended for parents, teachers, and others entrusted with the care of children, and for all people committed to ending the societal scourge of child sexual abuse. It will also give strength and hope to victims and survivors.
Anne Webb, +61
Alan Gold, J-Wire
Absorbing … Waks tells how he became a “reluctant troublemaker”, speaking out on behalf of those who fear to do so, and of the renewed sense of purpose this role has given him.
Fiona Capp, The Age
A forthright and compelling narrative … Who Gave You Permission? is particularly recommended for parents, teachers, and others entrusted with the care of children, and for all people committed to ending the societal scourge of child sexual abuse. It will also give strength and hope to victims and survivors.
Anne Webb, +61
July 10, 2022
I don't think I really appreciated before this just how important it is for institutions to be held responsible for cover ups of sexual abuse. When I read about suing institutions for this or commissions to look into this in the news, I admit I had the thought "But now is a different administration from 30 years ago. How can you hold the current administration accountable for the previous generation?"
But how is it going to stop if we don't hold them accountable. How much damage has been done when people have reported and the institution "handled it internally" by not handling it.
Is he intense? Yes. Does he have reason to be? Yes.
But how is it going to stop if we don't hold them accountable. How much damage has been done when people have reported and the institution "handled it internally" by not handling it.
Is he intense? Yes. Does he have reason to be? Yes.
December 22, 2021
This was a tragic read, a page-turner and a heartfelt memoir. The stories of religiosity are beautiful, and the descriptions of abuse are horrifyingly sad. The author is still haunted by his past memories in dreams, and at the end he describes how he goes to four therapy sessions a week, which is more than I have ever heard of anyone with a therapist get involved with. The drama, politics and turmoil involved with being a spokesperson for a the Jewish community in the department of childhood sexual abuse is an incredibly tough one, and I admire Manny Waks for his determination. I can't imagine how hard it is to be in such a situation, to deal with the backlash from the community which you once came from. The way in which he described the hierarchy, conflicts of interest between various community organisers and religious leaders in the Chabad movement and without the general Jewish Melbournian community sounds incredibly complex and complicated. And I do wonder at times, moreso outside the Chabad movement. How this issue of conflict of interest in the broader society will be dealt with. Its something that I never considered before, but it seems like a massive thwarting to the process of peace and justice, if one person cannot fully be neutral. It was an incredibly intriguing read. There is a level of introspection which I also appreciate, but I also see from reading this work that there is a lot of extroversion and outward work, fixing the world. And it definitely is a challenging job.
July 10, 2017
This book won't win any Pulitzer prizes in literature, but those who've followed Manny's work believe he deserves a Pulitzer prize for bravery and accomplishing so much in such a short amount of time.
February 10, 2017
I was first attracted to this book because of its title “Who gave you permission” it made ask who and what it was about. The blurb only served to whet my curiosity even more. I really wasn’t sure what I was going to be greeted with.
This is not an easy read (although it reads at a reasonable pace), but both a worthwhile one and also a necessary one. It’s dense in parts and the reader may be left wondering why Manny goes into so much detail around the middle of the book where the process of the Royal Commission is discussed at length. However, my advice is to stick at it because your efforts will be rewarded in the end where you’ll understand why he wrote it in this way.
After the prologue the reader is introduced to the author as the reluctant ‘troublemaker’. He says on his opening page of chapter one that the reason he went public was “… to put a face to the experience … to encourage other victims to do the same … or to take whatever action …” they feel is necessary and appropriate. It is important to realise that although this is the memoir of a person who had been sexually abused in a religious community it’s not the Anglican or Roman Catholic ones (the groups commonly thought to be the perpetrators of sexual abuse in the religious world). Manny Waks is talking about the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community which lives separately from the general population. This seclusion has probably afforded a certain amount of security when dealing with the issue of sexual abuse because they didn’t have a great deal of contact with the outside world. This was a world that was self-contained – there wasn’t a real need to go beyond their own boundaries. Manny says that the response from those in authority who were supposed to help and protect those in their charge took the following form: 1) they ignored him; 2) then they downplayed what happened to him; and 3) then they told him the matter was being addressed. However, when he showed up that nothing was being done he, his mother, father and siblings were shunned and ostracised to the point where they were all cast from the only life they knew.
This book, whilst intense, gave some interesting background information about the belief and cultural underpinnings of the ultra-Orthodox Jewish religion. In addition to Manny being one of 17 children (a number that I find extremely remarkable and I really admire his mother in looking after such a huge brood of children) he describes the attire that the boys wore in his community (white shirt, black pants, and a black hat). Manny and his family lived in East St. Kilda. Some of the rituals they had to abide by were: washing hands in the morning after getting out of bed but before walking three steps; when they went to sleep they had to sleep on their left side of their body; their day started at 6.30am whereupon they washed each of their hands three times. There are more little tidbits like this which helped to give the reader a better understanding of the close knit community that is ultra-Orthodox Judaism.
This is a must read for anyone who is interested in learning about lesser-known groups and how the very isolation that they depend on becomes a hot bed for abuses upon children going unheard.
This is not an easy read (although it reads at a reasonable pace), but both a worthwhile one and also a necessary one. It’s dense in parts and the reader may be left wondering why Manny goes into so much detail around the middle of the book where the process of the Royal Commission is discussed at length. However, my advice is to stick at it because your efforts will be rewarded in the end where you’ll understand why he wrote it in this way.
After the prologue the reader is introduced to the author as the reluctant ‘troublemaker’. He says on his opening page of chapter one that the reason he went public was “… to put a face to the experience … to encourage other victims to do the same … or to take whatever action …” they feel is necessary and appropriate. It is important to realise that although this is the memoir of a person who had been sexually abused in a religious community it’s not the Anglican or Roman Catholic ones (the groups commonly thought to be the perpetrators of sexual abuse in the religious world). Manny Waks is talking about the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community which lives separately from the general population. This seclusion has probably afforded a certain amount of security when dealing with the issue of sexual abuse because they didn’t have a great deal of contact with the outside world. This was a world that was self-contained – there wasn’t a real need to go beyond their own boundaries. Manny says that the response from those in authority who were supposed to help and protect those in their charge took the following form: 1) they ignored him; 2) then they downplayed what happened to him; and 3) then they told him the matter was being addressed. However, when he showed up that nothing was being done he, his mother, father and siblings were shunned and ostracised to the point where they were all cast from the only life they knew.
This book, whilst intense, gave some interesting background information about the belief and cultural underpinnings of the ultra-Orthodox Jewish religion. In addition to Manny being one of 17 children (a number that I find extremely remarkable and I really admire his mother in looking after such a huge brood of children) he describes the attire that the boys wore in his community (white shirt, black pants, and a black hat). Manny and his family lived in East St. Kilda. Some of the rituals they had to abide by were: washing hands in the morning after getting out of bed but before walking three steps; when they went to sleep they had to sleep on their left side of their body; their day started at 6.30am whereupon they washed each of their hands three times. There are more little tidbits like this which helped to give the reader a better understanding of the close knit community that is ultra-Orthodox Judaism.
This is a must read for anyone who is interested in learning about lesser-known groups and how the very isolation that they depend on becomes a hot bed for abuses upon children going unheard.
February 4, 2020
Devastating account of corruption in religion. The most devastating part is the silence of the so called good people. Unfortunately if you step out of line in charadi communities you are severely punished through oustrasism. This is not only the individuals who speak out but their families are also punished. That is why religious opinions given by charadi rabbis should be treated with a big grain of salt. If you have any doubt to this fact see if you can find a significant example of a Chabad community leaders directly criticising Chabad leadership to this day. They are too scared to do the right thing.
October 16, 2016
I could not put Manny Waks' account of his experiences of abuse within the orthodox Jewish community of Melbourne.
It is extremely well written, providing a heartbreaking and highly reflective personal account, alongside an overview and analysis of the Melbournian and Australian Jewish communities.
It is extremely well written, providing a heartbreaking and highly reflective personal account, alongside an overview and analysis of the Melbournian and Australian Jewish communities.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews