Knowing HER Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage

by Laura M. Brotherson

Unlock HER Mysteries...! Women have been mysteries to themselves and their husbands for too long. Knowing HER Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage is the ultimate how-to handbook power-packed with hope and help for creating the intimate and passionate relationship God intended. Taking a respectful, yet straightforward approach, this "sex-therapy-in-a-book," helps couples navigate the intricacies of intimacy to strengthen their marriages. Laura outlines 12 key areas (12 T's) of sexual wholeness to take your relationship to the next level...intimately!

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage, Relationships, Self Help, Health

297 pages, Paperback

First published September 12, 2016

About the author

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, MS, MFT, CFLE is the founder of StrengtheningMarriage.com and author of the bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital ONEness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed — Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. Laura is also the host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” and creator of YouTube “Marriage Messages.”

Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, Marriage and Family Therapist, sex therapist, show host, blogger and podcaster. She writes for multiple online magazines, publishes an electronic newsletter entitled “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage,” and a marriage blog, and speaks in various venues from couples’ cruises and conferences to television and radio shows.

Laura (StrengtheningMarriage.com) is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages… intimately! Laura sees herself filling the need for a “family-values Dr. Ruth.”

Laura and her husband are the parents of three children, and have been married over 20 years. You can learn more by visiting StrengtheningMarriage.com.

Reviews

[Olivia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great introduction to sex for Christian-based marriages. Especially helpful for good girl syndrome.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the Preface section: "Who This Book is For” she explains that "This book focuses on her sexual wiring, while my next book will focus on his sexual wiring." Although that was different than my expectation, it is a valuable resource.

It does not replace her previous book: And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment

Throughout the book we are encouraged to keep a Sexual Self-Discovery Journal.


This book considers that there are many aspects to a person -
Parts of Self
- Sexual
- Spiritual
- Mental
- Emotional
- Social
- Physical

12 Key Ingredients (to a woman being sexually fulfilled)
Transformed —Embracing your sexual self.
Thoughts —How powerful they can be.
Tenderness —Why we need a lot more of this for true intimacy.
Time —Giving our spouse more of our time.
Transition —From our regular day into lovemaking.
Talk —Its role inside and outside the bedroom.
Touch —In all its forms. Techniques —To get things right and enhance the experience.
Tuned In —Really “getting” each other.
Teasing —Being playful and fun with each other.
Treats —These add novelty and adventure.
Transcendence —Letting go into sexual surrender.

"Women might consider taking advantage of getting a professional massage as a therapeutic activity."
"Here are just some of the benefits women may gain (from professional massage): "
"Learning to relax, let go, and surrender to tactile pleasure. "
"Awakening, tuning into, and savoring physical sensations. "
"Being mentally present during sensual touch. "
"Training yourself to slow your mind and shut out mental distractions. "
"Practicing deep, relaxing breathing. "
"Working through body image issues and feelings of vulnerability. "
"Disassociating pleasurable touch with having “strings attached.”
(Kindle Locations 731-740)

"How To’s for Embracing Your Sexual Identity How do we go about developing a healthy sexual self-concept? The following nine suggestions can help you embrace your sexuality and nourish your mind with healthy and positive sexual messages."
1- Take the Healthy Sexual Identity Assessment.
2- Reprogram your mind.
3- Merge your identity and welcome sexual thoughts.
4- Start a Sexual Self-Discovery Journal.
5- Get educated.
6- Do the Action Items and some counseling.
7- Do it for you.
8- Dance and use music.
9- Awaken sensuality with massage therapy.
(Kindle Locations 748-804).


The 12 areas (12 T’s) that couples need to address for female sexual fulfillment include:
1) Transformed Sexual Identity,
2) Thoughts,
3) Tenderness,
4) Time,
5) Transition,
6) Talk,
7) Touch,
8) Technique,
9) Tuned In,
10) Teasing,
11) Treats,
12) Transcendence. Keep in mind that “the Big O” is not just orgasm, but a more encompassing “Oneness.”( location 5072)

Contents
Preface
Introduction
Chapter 1 —TRANSFORMED -Embracing Your Identity as a Sexual Being
Chapter 2 —THOUGHTS -Sexy is a State of Mind
Chapter 3 —TENDERNESS -Creating a Secure Foundation
Chapter 4 —TIME -Making Sex a Priority
Chapter 5 —TRANSITION -Getting There
Chapter 6 —TALK -Talk Me into It
Chapter 7 —TOUCH -Touch Me into It (includes kissing exercises)
Chapter 8 —TECHNIQUE -The Intricacies of Her Sexual Wiring
Chapter 9 —TUNED IN -Getting in Sync Emotionally and Sexually
Chapter 10 —TEASING -Putting the Fun and Flirty into Sex
Chapter 11 —TREATS -Keeping the Spark Alive
Chapter 12 —TRANSCENDENCE -Letting Go and Trusting God
Appendix I —Sexual Self-Evaluation
Appendix II —Recommended Resources (There are some active links)
Appendix III —The Marital Intimacy Show Podcast -Episode List
Appendix IV —Couples Questions
Index (This Kindle edition does not have an active index)
About the Author

My notes are from the Kindle edition: Brotherson, Laura M. Knowing Her Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage. Inspire Book. Kindle Edition.

Incidentally, in June 2017, the author has announced that she will be moving her practice to Provo, Utah, instead of at the Cherry Lane Counseling Center office in Meridian, Idaho.

The Marital Intimacy Institute
Pinnacle Park (business complex)
1873 North 1120 West
Provo, UT 84604

(off State Street in Provo towards the bottom of the hill in the Pinnacle Park business complex)
MAP -- https://goo.gl/maps/tjef47Z6BoJ2

[Charly Troff (JustaReadingMama) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the most helpful book I've read on this topic. It's well organized, had great explanations, and covers the topic in a specific and Christian-focused way. I would definitely recommend this to any married couple and for sure anyone who is getting married.

[Candace Willard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Go read this book now! Get over the taboo of sex and your comfort zone and read it! You will be better for it.

[Cali Bakker · Rating 3 out of 5]

So here's the thing, I did not like this book. I didn't enjoy the author's voice and style. I'm tired of certain differences between genders being presented as facts and inherent to their nature, when it's more likely learned behavior and much more nuanced.

That being said, I still gave the book three stars because some of the information in this book, especially anatomy and increasing intimacy between a couple is helpful information that is not taught or talked about near as much as it should be and I applaud the effort.

I read this book for a class that I'm helping with as part of my job. The class is great! Healthy sexuality is important to learn and practice. I still don't like the book, but unfortunately, at this time, in this particular religious culture, there aren't many other options (That I'm aware of at least). This book could possibly be a helpful introduction for people or helpful background for discussion, even though it's not ideal.

[Janae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book would've been written when I was first married. I loved the insights into a woman's sexual wiring. My husband and I both listened to the book and it sparked some very good talks and ideas.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started listening to this audiobook and quickly realized this was a good one to own and read with my husband. It is thorough and contains many things that I have *slowly* learned/figured out over years of marriage that would have been a lot easier if I had just been given this cheat sheet 20 years ago. She explains many aspects of intimacy, including physical and emotional, but also very specific ways to strengthen your marriage and connection at all levels. I feel there is something here for every marriage, no matter where you are currently. There are parts that are repetitive, and parts that I personally didn't need, but it was very affirming, supportive, enlightening, and provided me with many great ideas that I am excited to try. I also appreciated the overall perspective it gave me. Would recommend.

[Cami · Rating 3 out of 5]

I saw a short clip on Studio 5 with Laura Brotherson and something she said made me think I needed to read her book. This is absolutely out of my comfort zone, and I almost didn't mark this book on GoodReads because sex is a super touchy subject for me, but I did enjoy the book. The title sounds a bit odd, but it is for couples to better understand a woman's needs and perspective of sex, and there is or will be another book about HIS side of intimacy. I like the Christian-based perspective of sex in this book; it is not prevalent or preachy, but it is positive. I did not read every word nor work through every suggestion, but I did get some positive take-aways that I think will improve my marriage.

[Roy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I really liked her first book, there were a couple of moments when I struggled with this book when she tried to pass off quotes that make sex out to be a necessity like air. She did however go back to her own sensibility that sex has to be mutually agreed upon by both sides to be truly gratifying and actually uplifting.

What I liked the most about this book though is the notion of Transcendence, so truly and purely giving of one's self that pure enjoyment cannot help but come. Of course both the husband and the wife must each do their parts for it to actually happen That is what makes it truly powerful in my opinion!

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up off and on for a year or so. The second half of the book seemed to speak to me more, but the entire book is insightful. Not everything in this book resonated with me, but the parts that did really helped me see things differently. I'm a mess, but there is hope. Laura is a sex therapist for married couples. She discusses the intimate relationship between husband and wife and God.

[Cindi · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me so long that I’m going to have to read it again. There was a lot to think about and work on so I will definitely read this book over and over. Highly recommend for any married Christian couple.

[Ryan Seamons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book to help men and women know how to get more out of marriage relationships. Really great insights.

[Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read for every couple, young and otherwise.Addresses an array of perspectives.

[Kristine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to it. I enjoyed it enough, I plan to buy the book.

[Ashleyguercio · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for anyone just getting married or who would like to improve their intimate relationship. However, it was way longer than it needed to be I think.

[Marcy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully done book that is a joy to read with your spouse!

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!

[John]

Read with my wife.

[Tisha · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title is a little cheesy, but the book itself is good.

[Haunani Thunell · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh…I wish I could unread this book.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not as good as the first book they were not ashamed. But there were a few key things that were eye opening.

[Ashley]

So far so good, but I'm going to wait until I'm a few months post-partum before diving back in.