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And She Was
Dara’s lived a sheltered life with her single mom, Mellie. Now, at eighteen, she’s dreaming of more. When Dara digs up her never-before-seen birth certificate, her world implodes. Why are two strangers listed as her parents?
Dara confronts her mother, and is stunned by what she learns: Mellie is transgender. The unfamiliar name listed under “father”? That’s Mellie. She transitioned when Dara was a baby, shortly after Dara’s birth mother died.
But Dara still has more questions than answers. Reeling, she sets off on a road trip with her best guy friend, Sam. She's determined to find the extended family she’s never met. What she discovers—and what her mother reveals, piece by piece over emails—will challenge and change Dara more than she can imagine.
From rising star Jessica Verdi, this is a gorgeous, timely, and essential novel about the importance of being our true selves.
Dara confronts her mother, and is stunned by what she learns: Mellie is transgender. The unfamiliar name listed under “father”? That’s Mellie. She transitioned when Dara was a baby, shortly after Dara’s birth mother died.
But Dara still has more questions than answers. Reeling, she sets off on a road trip with her best guy friend, Sam. She's determined to find the extended family she’s never met. What she discovers—and what her mother reveals, piece by piece over emails—will challenge and change Dara more than she can imagine.
From rising star Jessica Verdi, this is a gorgeous, timely, and essential novel about the importance of being our true selves.
361 pages, Hardcover
First published March 27, 2018
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2590 people want to read
About the author
Jessica Verdi
8 books395 followersJessica Verdi lives in Brooklyn, NY, and received her MFA in Writing for Children from The New School. She loves seltzer, Tabasco sauce, TV, vegetarian soup, flip-flops, and her dogs. Visit her at jessicaverdi.com and follow her on Twitter and Instagram @jessverdi.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 135 reviews
July 15, 2018
I...do not recommend. This book is very transphobic, and just harmful in general.
Check out my full review here.
Check out my full review here.
October 3, 2018
I got this ARC at the library I work in!
First—I really appreciate that in many senses, this book jumps into new territory in terms of YA books around trans issues. The trans character, Millie, is a mother, and has been living in her gender for some seventeen years by the time we meet her. She is a nurse who likes TV soaps and hot sauce and puzzles. She has an ambitious if self-absorbed daughter who is on the cusp of breaking into a career that she herself abandoned many years before. She is described as average and pretty. She is described as watching her daughter swimming in the pool as she sits back on the chair wearing a caftan. I like her.
Additionally, I really enjoyed Dara’s arc and the exploration and development of her personality. I appreciate her single-mindedness that gradually eases into shades of gray as she learns more about herself. Her clearly defined goal—moving out, starting her own future, pursuing a passion that may not get her money but will bring her satisfaction—is what drives her to first discover her mother’s trans status via her own birth certificate, as she tries to get a passport to go to a competition in Toronto. Additionally, her quest for her wealthy relatives is driven at least in part to 1. define herself in opposition to her mother and what she sees as unnecessary poverty that she blames her mother for and 2. access the wealth and easier, supposedly fuller life her grandparents can offer her. As the book goes on, though, she realizes that she does care about things other than her tennis career after all, and that she can choose ethically to not be a part of the harmful, bigoted world that her grandparents inhabit as uber-conservative, judgemental members of a white and monied insular world. She loves people back home. She amends her choices.
I think something else I appreciate here is that both Millie and Dara are selfish and flawed people. They’re also both people who act sympathetically given their situations. Millie, like many parents, keeps secrets to protect herself and her child, while Dara reacts with indignation to being lied to about her parents and their history and being kept in the dark about her mother’s life and traumas. They are ultimately both pretty decent.
I also want to note that the supporting best friend, Sam, is a darling, though the arc between Sam and Dara would be cooler if Sam was a girl.
My critiques of this book , which are not insignificant, have to do with the way Millie’s story is presented. For most of the book I was incredulous that any trans parent would choose to keep their child in the dark about their transition until the child discovered it as an adult—especially as the book is set in the current moment. In 2000, while there weren’t many trans people in the public eye in terms of television, there were communities where trans people (including those fleeing abusive relatives) raised their children with full knowledge and analysis of what their genders meant to them. Most trans parents would do that. Trans people don’t inherently like keeping secrets. While the circumstances of Millie’s life could drive someone to make the initial choice to conceal their identity and flee from their in-laws, I was unable at the end of the book to buy that Millie, with all we know about her, failed to even talk about trans issues with her daughter. It astounds me that Millie did not use the emerging trans activism of the 2010s to bring the topic up with Dara when she was eleven, or thirteen, or fifteen. The process of bringing up a girl child must involve many conversations around what it means to be a girl or a young woman and how people react to you. Millie had to address these ideas at some point. I cannot imagine a real person who is a single trans parent using their authority to teach their kids the same ideas about gender that harmed them as children.
I think part of this choice on the author’s part has to do with a certain flattening of trans people’s relationships toward their genders into something that is inevitably traumatic and exclusively to do with the concept of an imperfect body housing the wrong soul. While trans people early in their transition talk about gender sometimes in the way Millie does, or have never had a chance to process their traumatic histories, nearly all older trans people who have managed to avoid homelessness and job discrimination and who have moved into stable career paths have had some measure of exposure to sustained therapy and deeply reasoned strategies around coming out and keeping stealth selectively if at all. Part of this issue is the way Millie’s story is delivered via email as her daughter roams the country. She comes off as ludicrously immature and implausibly lacking in self-reflection. As a trans reader I think, what, you thought you would never have this conversation? Millie’s long emails would have felt much better to me as a reader if they were pre-prepared documents long in the making, an autobiography never shared but carefully planned to eventually introduce her daughter to a part of her past she didn’t have the courage to say .
While this still ends up being an “issue” book where the central drama revolves around the child custody battle between Millie and Dara’s grandparents and the drama of Millie’s revealed transition, Millie feels close and true and her bonds to her daughter are real and lovely.
For the other non-trans reviewers that have said they don’t know if they should give this book to transgender youth because it contains deadnaming and transphobic language: I gotta mention, to everyone who doesn’t know yet, that trans kids know what deadnaming and transphobic abuse sounds like. They get it a lot. I don’t think you’re protecting them from anything much. I think the more harmful trope in this is the depiction of one trans character who has spent her entire adult life (except the period immediately after transition) isolated from other trans people . That is a serious point against this novel in my opinion, after reflection.
Verdict: trans character is human and it’s a good mother daughter arc/ a good YA arc about reevaluating your priorities. At the same time, the trans mother’s character falls into irresponsible stereotypes about trans women being deceptive and she isn’t fully fleshed out, despite gestures toward a complex past.
Final note: love the depiction of a vegan animal rescue farm for cows and pigs run by an heiress which is bankrolled by two arch-conservative prim Republicans. Best quirky touch in a YA I have had in a while.
First—I really appreciate that in many senses, this book jumps into new territory in terms of YA books around trans issues. The trans character, Millie, is a mother, and has been living in her gender for some seventeen years by the time we meet her. She is a nurse who likes TV soaps and hot sauce and puzzles. She has an ambitious if self-absorbed daughter who is on the cusp of breaking into a career that she herself abandoned many years before. She is described as average and pretty. She is described as watching her daughter swimming in the pool as she sits back on the chair wearing a caftan. I like her.
Additionally, I really enjoyed Dara’s arc and the exploration and development of her personality. I appreciate her single-mindedness that gradually eases into shades of gray as she learns more about herself. Her clearly defined goal—moving out, starting her own future, pursuing a passion that may not get her money but will bring her satisfaction—is what drives her to first discover her mother’s trans status via her own birth certificate, as she tries to get a passport to go to a competition in Toronto. Additionally, her quest for her wealthy relatives is driven at least in part to 1. define herself in opposition to her mother and what she sees as unnecessary poverty that she blames her mother for and 2. access the wealth and easier, supposedly fuller life her grandparents can offer her. As the book goes on, though, she realizes that she does care about things other than her tennis career after all, and that she can choose ethically to not be a part of the harmful, bigoted world that her grandparents inhabit as uber-conservative, judgemental members of a white and monied insular world. She loves people back home. She amends her choices.
I think something else I appreciate here is that both Millie and Dara are selfish and flawed people. They’re also both people who act sympathetically given their situations. Millie, like many parents, keeps secrets to protect herself and her child, while Dara reacts with indignation to being lied to about her parents and their history and being kept in the dark about her mother’s life and traumas. They are ultimately both pretty decent.
I also want to note that the supporting best friend, Sam, is a darling, though the arc between Sam and Dara would be cooler if Sam was a girl.
My critiques of this book , which are not insignificant, have to do with the way Millie’s story is presented. For most of the book I was incredulous that any trans parent would choose to keep their child in the dark about their transition until the child discovered it as an adult—especially as the book is set in the current moment. In 2000, while there weren’t many trans people in the public eye in terms of television, there were communities where trans people (including those fleeing abusive relatives) raised their children with full knowledge and analysis of what their genders meant to them. Most trans parents would do that. Trans people don’t inherently like keeping secrets. While the circumstances of Millie’s life could drive someone to make the initial choice to conceal their identity and flee from their in-laws, I was unable at the end of the book to buy that Millie, with all we know about her, failed to even talk about trans issues with her daughter. It astounds me that Millie did not use the emerging trans activism of the 2010s to bring the topic up with Dara when she was eleven, or thirteen, or fifteen. The process of bringing up a girl child must involve many conversations around what it means to be a girl or a young woman and how people react to you. Millie had to address these ideas at some point. I cannot imagine a real person who is a single trans parent using their authority to teach their kids the same ideas about gender that harmed them as children.
I think part of this choice on the author’s part has to do with a certain flattening of trans people’s relationships toward their genders into something that is inevitably traumatic and exclusively to do with the concept of an imperfect body housing the wrong soul. While trans people early in their transition talk about gender sometimes in the way Millie does, or have never had a chance to process their traumatic histories, nearly all older trans people who have managed to avoid homelessness and job discrimination and who have moved into stable career paths have had some measure of exposure to sustained therapy and deeply reasoned strategies around coming out and keeping stealth selectively if at all. Part of this issue is the way Millie’s story is delivered via email as her daughter roams the country. She comes off as ludicrously immature and implausibly lacking in self-reflection. As a trans reader I think, what, you thought you would never have this conversation? Millie’s long emails would have felt much better to me as a reader if they were pre-prepared documents long in the making, an autobiography never shared but carefully planned to eventually introduce her daughter to a part of her past she didn’t have the courage to say .
While this still ends up being an “issue” book where the central drama revolves around the child custody battle between Millie and Dara’s grandparents and the drama of Millie’s revealed transition, Millie feels close and true and her bonds to her daughter are real and lovely.
For the other non-trans reviewers that have said they don’t know if they should give this book to transgender youth because it contains deadnaming and transphobic language: I gotta mention, to everyone who doesn’t know yet, that trans kids know what deadnaming and transphobic abuse sounds like. They get it a lot. I don’t think you’re protecting them from anything much. I think the more harmful trope in this is the depiction of one trans character who has spent her entire adult life (except the period immediately after transition) isolated from other trans people . That is a serious point against this novel in my opinion, after reflection.
Verdict: trans character is human and it’s a good mother daughter arc/ a good YA arc about reevaluating your priorities. At the same time, the trans mother’s character falls into irresponsible stereotypes about trans women being deceptive and she isn’t fully fleshed out, despite gestures toward a complex past.
Final note: love the depiction of a vegan animal rescue farm for cows and pigs run by an heiress which is bankrolled by two arch-conservative prim Republicans. Best quirky touch in a YA I have had in a while.
August 29, 2017
**I read an ARC of this book provided through work**
It's perfect because it's Jessica Verdi. I love everything she's written. When I saw this book at work, it was an auto-grab, and when I actually read what the book was about (hours later) I was THRILLED.
On top of being an addicting, hard to put down book, I love how instead of just listing facts and being informative like many books on transgender people seem to be, it's informative while telling an actual important, gripping STORY, and showing so many layers of the character it represents. To people new to the concept, it shows a trans person's life through email diary entries and portrays an accurate depiction and way of understanding what that life is like for those who might not get it. For LGBT folk, this book shows how there is a life after transitioning, and that it can be done successfully, even with hardships and lack of support involved. A goal of being at peace with yourself and living past it is absolutely possible.
Transgender representation aside, this book is a beautiful story of family, love, and acceptance. The parent/child relationship of Dara and Mellie is so sweet and so real. There's also a good dose of "are they/are they not" with Dara and her best friend, Sam, on their road trip to figure out Dara's side of her biological mother's family.
Absolutely recommended. Verdi always tells an amazing story. I'm so excited for this book's release.
April 29, 2018
To see review with Gilmore Girls gifs click here.
What I Wanted: A book with a mother-daughter relationship that was a bit Gilmore Girls-is but instead of running away from rich parents because of teenage pregnancy, the Lorelai ran away because she came out as transgender and Grandpa and Grandma Gilmore couldn’t handle it. Also, some coffee would’ve helped too.
What I Got: A book where the MC and her mother really have a nonexistent relationship and once the MC found out that her mother was transgender, she pretty much flips out on her and runs away with some random guy we’re told is her b.f.f.
Yeah…
Okay, going by the premises I knew that there was going to be a road trip and all of that, but I was hoping at the very least that the relationship between Melly and Dara would’ve been a little bit more than it was.
Even before Melly’s secret is revealed she and Dara are distant at best. Dara has her head in the clouds and Melly was just…I don’t know not all the way there and sort of rigid. The premises to me just seemed like there would be more of a mother and daughter connection than there actually was.
As I mentioned before, I really didn’t care for Dara. She was was self absorbed and really had no realistic ambitions. While I know that not every teen is college bound, I wish she would’ve had a slightly more realistic plan for the future than work for a juice bar and attempt to play pro tennis. It just annoyed me, especially since Verdi has all the supporting cast point out several times throughout the narrative that it isn’t likely that Dara is going to advance in the pro circuit.
As for how trans issues were handled…honestly, I only made it about 110 pages in the book, and as a cis female I’m probably not the person you want to ask about sensitivity issues. Still though, I found Dara’s behavior sort of disturbing at least from my perspective. She instantly wants to meet her grandparents, despite hearing from her mother that they are essentially bigots.
Oh, it’s okay if they hate the woman that raised me for eighteen years they’re my grandparents…and I’m not a bigot because I follow sport stars that preach LGBTQ issues.
You see where we’re going here.
Given that I DNF’d this, I didn’t see every cringe worthy moment that results from Dara’s betrayal and stupidity. However, being the spoiler loving junkie that I am (and the should I even bother addict that I am) I took a peak at the end and it seems as disappointing as I predicted it.
Some of you might be wondering what I was expecting. After all, the blurb clearly illustrates that there’s going to be some sort of separation between Melly and Dara throughout the duration of the book. And I expected it, but I also expected them to have some sort of bond besides liking to eat hot sauce.
Instead, it was more about Dara’s relationship with stupid Sam who had a girlfriend until like two minutes ago which totally means he’s going to be in Dara’s pants by the end of the book.
Look, this book just wasn’t for me. Maybe it gets better as it progresses, but quite honestly I wanted to read more about Melly than Dara. And unfortunately I had to read more about Dara who is more f’d up than Rory Gilmore on the Netflix’s revival (seriously, Rory look at your choices).
What I Wanted: A book with a mother-daughter relationship that was a bit Gilmore Girls-is but instead of running away from rich parents because of teenage pregnancy, the Lorelai ran away because she came out as transgender and Grandpa and Grandma Gilmore couldn’t handle it. Also, some coffee would’ve helped too.
What I Got: A book where the MC and her mother really have a nonexistent relationship and once the MC found out that her mother was transgender, she pretty much flips out on her and runs away with some random guy we’re told is her b.f.f.
Yeah…
Okay, going by the premises I knew that there was going to be a road trip and all of that, but I was hoping at the very least that the relationship between Melly and Dara would’ve been a little bit more than it was.
Even before Melly’s secret is revealed she and Dara are distant at best. Dara has her head in the clouds and Melly was just…I don’t know not all the way there and sort of rigid. The premises to me just seemed like there would be more of a mother and daughter connection than there actually was.
As I mentioned before, I really didn’t care for Dara. She was was self absorbed and really had no realistic ambitions. While I know that not every teen is college bound, I wish she would’ve had a slightly more realistic plan for the future than work for a juice bar and attempt to play pro tennis. It just annoyed me, especially since Verdi has all the supporting cast point out several times throughout the narrative that it isn’t likely that Dara is going to advance in the pro circuit.
As for how trans issues were handled…honestly, I only made it about 110 pages in the book, and as a cis female I’m probably not the person you want to ask about sensitivity issues. Still though, I found Dara’s behavior sort of disturbing at least from my perspective. She instantly wants to meet her grandparents, despite hearing from her mother that they are essentially bigots.
Oh, it’s okay if they hate the woman that raised me for eighteen years they’re my grandparents…and I’m not a bigot because I follow sport stars that preach LGBTQ issues.
You see where we’re going here.
Given that I DNF’d this, I didn’t see every cringe worthy moment that results from Dara’s betrayal and stupidity. However, being the spoiler loving junkie that I am (and the should I even bother addict that I am) I took a peak at the end and it seems as disappointing as I predicted it.
Some of you might be wondering what I was expecting. After all, the blurb clearly illustrates that there’s going to be some sort of separation between Melly and Dara throughout the duration of the book. And I expected it, but I also expected them to have some sort of bond besides liking to eat hot sauce.
Instead, it was more about Dara’s relationship with stupid Sam who had a girlfriend until like two minutes ago which totally means he’s going to be in Dara’s pants by the end of the book.
Look, this book just wasn’t for me. Maybe it gets better as it progresses, but quite honestly I wanted to read more about Melly than Dara. And unfortunately I had to read more about Dara who is more f’d up than Rory Gilmore on the Netflix’s revival (seriously, Rory look at your choices).
July 27, 2018
1 stars
TW: transphobia, deadnaming, misgendering
I did not plan on reviewing this book today, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get, so today, I come at you with a very rant-y review.
The Writing
The writing in this book was just… bland. It was nothing special. The dialogue read as awkward and there was definitely far too much telling and not nearly enough showing when it came down to it. At least, that is in the 112 pages that I managed to get through before I couldn’t handle this book anymore. I honestly don’t think there’s anything more to be said about the writing.
The Plot/Pacing
Because I only got through the first 112 pages of this book, I can’t really say anything about the plot. I will say that the romance that was kind of beginning to blossom just as I put this book down was so fucking predictable and felt really forced. I felt absolutely zero chemistry between our main character and the love interest, but that might just be me.
The Characters
The main character infuriated me to no end. I honestly cannot believe someone so self-centered and self-absorbed exists in the universe. I mean,,, she gets mad at her mother for…. wanting to transition??? and wanting to stay away from the MC’s grandparents because they were transphobic??? SHE GETS MAD AT HER MOTHER BECAUSE HER MOTHER PUT HERSELF FIRST INSTEAD OF PUTTING THE MC FIRST AND OHEOHAYHOEAYY THAT MAKES ME SO MAD. Dara basically gets pissed that her mother doesn’t have thousands of dollars on hand so that she can sign up for a tennis tournament which??? No regular family would have??? Dara is pissed because she doesn’t get everything she wants and that,,, annoys me so much. She’s just so focused on herself, constantly, that she doesn’t even consider how her mother might be dealing with this and ehioathioeyhioty. IT INFURIATES ME.
Other than that, the relationship between the main character and her mother felt really underdeveloped, as did the friendship between the main character (Dara) and her best friend (Sam). The only thing the author really does to establish their friendship is say “hey, this is the main character’s best friend, his name is Sam, and she’s going to have zero interactions with him where we might get even a slight clue of what their dynamic is like, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one” which a) infuriates me and b) is another instance of the author very much showing and not telling, which made the book very boring for me personally.
The Problems
TRIGGER WARNING FOR TRANSPHOBIA, DEADNAMING, MISGENDERING IN THIS SECTION
(also spoilers for the first 112 pages, if you plan on reading this book and want to avoid those)
To start with, this book feels like it was written for transphobic people who would agree with the main character and who would then be called out on it later on in the story (hopefully) (I didn’t get that far) (but I hope that’s the case) (otherwise… this book can burn in the fiery pits of hell). That being said, I still don’t think the trans rep in this was done very well and the blatant transphobia we see from the main character for the majority of the first 112 pages infuriated me to no end. Granted, I am a cisgender person, so I am probably not the best person for reviewing the trans rep in the book, but I feel like I’m literally going to explode if I don’t talk about this so we’re talking about it.
First of all, the trans character, of course, has to be outed and then “come out” by tragically “revealing” (in quotation marks because the person they’re coming out to already knows their deadname) their deadname which,,, honestly,,, I just,,, there are other ways to come out?? Why does it always have to be deadnaming??? Additionally, in the 112 pages I did read, there was so much unnecessary deadnaming and misgendering and I just,,, JUST USE SHE. SHE’S YOUR MOTHER. HOW HARD IS IT TO USE SHE/HER PRONOUNS FOR SOMEONE???
Additionally, there were just so many transphobic remarks sprinkled throughout the text and I??? I don’t understand how this got published. Among the few I actually managed to write down were gems like: “Pass. Another word for lie”, “while Marcus was becoming Mellie,” “my mom is not my mother,” “If it were anyone else, I’d hug them and say, ‘as long as you’re happy. I support you. Truly. But how am I supposed to do that now, when I’m finding out my own mother has lied to me – intensely – all these years….She didn’t trust me – respect me – enough to tell me the truth.”
But it gets so much better because you want to hear what our darling main character uses as an excuse that she actually does care about transgender people and is, obviously, not transphobic?? “I’ve heard about transgender people, of course. I’ve watched the reality shows and followed the political campaigns to restrict public bathroom access – when two of your childhood idols are Billie Jean King and Martina Navratilova, it’s pretty much ingrained in you to care deeply about LGBTQ issues.” It’s a version of “I’m not homophobic, I have gay friends” except taken to the next level and just??? Why??
Then, of course, Dara gets pissed at her mom for not coming out sooner and not telling Dara the truth which??? Trans people do not own anyone the truth if they do not want to tell it. Like, Mellie’s mental health matters just as much as Dara’s tennis career does and Dara doesn’t seem to think that way. Additionally, during that same “coming out” scene, Mellie’s sex life is discussed in great detail, which just bothered me a lot and I think should have just not been a part of the story, but yeah. Moving on.
Finally, the last thing I would like to talk about is how Dara constantly dismisses her mother’s arguments for keeping Dara away from her grandparents. Mellie says, multiple times that she kept Dara away from her grandparents because they were transphobic and just generally very bigoted and Dara dismisses all of that and essentially downgrades it to “someone hurting Mellie’s feelings” which,,, is a very harmful message, in my opinion. And the fact that Dara constantly calls Mellie selfish for wanting transition really just rubbed me the wrong way. And of course, let’s not forget the fact that Dara outed Mellie to Sam as soon as she could. Alright. I’m going to stop here for this section.
Overall
What I read of this book read as blatantly transphobic to me, and in general, felt like nothing bland and like it was really just relying on the fact that it had a trans character to carry the story through as none of the other elements were very strong.
Oh, also, I wanted to link some reviews for this book, which were written by trans reviewers, so here are some I’ve found:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
https://bookdeviant.wordpress.com/201...
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
If you know of any more, please let me know so I can add them to the list. Other than that, I think that’s my review done. So I will be leaving now.
~~~
DNF @ page 112.
TW: transphobia, deadnaming, misgendering
I did not plan on reviewing this book today, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get, so today, I come at you with a very rant-y review.
The Writing
The writing in this book was just… bland. It was nothing special. The dialogue read as awkward and there was definitely far too much telling and not nearly enough showing when it came down to it. At least, that is in the 112 pages that I managed to get through before I couldn’t handle this book anymore. I honestly don’t think there’s anything more to be said about the writing.
The Plot/Pacing
Because I only got through the first 112 pages of this book, I can’t really say anything about the plot. I will say that the romance that was kind of beginning to blossom just as I put this book down was so fucking predictable and felt really forced. I felt absolutely zero chemistry between our main character and the love interest, but that might just be me.
The Characters
The main character infuriated me to no end. I honestly cannot believe someone so self-centered and self-absorbed exists in the universe. I mean,,, she gets mad at her mother for…. wanting to transition??? and wanting to stay away from the MC’s grandparents because they were transphobic??? SHE GETS MAD AT HER MOTHER BECAUSE HER MOTHER PUT HERSELF FIRST INSTEAD OF PUTTING THE MC FIRST AND OHEOHAYHOEAYY THAT MAKES ME SO MAD. Dara basically gets pissed that her mother doesn’t have thousands of dollars on hand so that she can sign up for a tennis tournament which??? No regular family would have??? Dara is pissed because she doesn’t get everything she wants and that,,, annoys me so much. She’s just so focused on herself, constantly, that she doesn’t even consider how her mother might be dealing with this and ehioathioeyhioty. IT INFURIATES ME.
Other than that, the relationship between the main character and her mother felt really underdeveloped, as did the friendship between the main character (Dara) and her best friend (Sam). The only thing the author really does to establish their friendship is say “hey, this is the main character’s best friend, his name is Sam, and she’s going to have zero interactions with him where we might get even a slight clue of what their dynamic is like, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one” which a) infuriates me and b) is another instance of the author very much showing and not telling, which made the book very boring for me personally.
The Problems
TRIGGER WARNING FOR TRANSPHOBIA, DEADNAMING, MISGENDERING IN THIS SECTION
(also spoilers for the first 112 pages, if you plan on reading this book and want to avoid those)
To start with, this book feels like it was written for transphobic people who would agree with the main character and who would then be called out on it later on in the story (hopefully) (I didn’t get that far) (but I hope that’s the case) (otherwise… this book can burn in the fiery pits of hell). That being said, I still don’t think the trans rep in this was done very well and the blatant transphobia we see from the main character for the majority of the first 112 pages infuriated me to no end. Granted, I am a cisgender person, so I am probably not the best person for reviewing the trans rep in the book, but I feel like I’m literally going to explode if I don’t talk about this so we’re talking about it.
First of all, the trans character, of course, has to be outed and then “come out” by tragically “revealing” (in quotation marks because the person they’re coming out to already knows their deadname) their deadname which,,, honestly,,, I just,,, there are other ways to come out?? Why does it always have to be deadnaming??? Additionally, in the 112 pages I did read, there was so much unnecessary deadnaming and misgendering and I just,,, JUST USE SHE. SHE’S YOUR MOTHER. HOW HARD IS IT TO USE SHE/HER PRONOUNS FOR SOMEONE???
Additionally, there were just so many transphobic remarks sprinkled throughout the text and I??? I don’t understand how this got published. Among the few I actually managed to write down were gems like: “Pass. Another word for lie”, “while Marcus was becoming Mellie,” “my mom is not my mother,” “If it were anyone else, I’d hug them and say, ‘as long as you’re happy. I support you. Truly. But how am I supposed to do that now, when I’m finding out my own mother has lied to me – intensely – all these years….She didn’t trust me – respect me – enough to tell me the truth.”
But it gets so much better because you want to hear what our darling main character uses as an excuse that she actually does care about transgender people and is, obviously, not transphobic?? “I’ve heard about transgender people, of course. I’ve watched the reality shows and followed the political campaigns to restrict public bathroom access – when two of your childhood idols are Billie Jean King and Martina Navratilova, it’s pretty much ingrained in you to care deeply about LGBTQ issues.” It’s a version of “I’m not homophobic, I have gay friends” except taken to the next level and just??? Why??
Then, of course, Dara gets pissed at her mom for not coming out sooner and not telling Dara the truth which??? Trans people do not own anyone the truth if they do not want to tell it. Like, Mellie’s mental health matters just as much as Dara’s tennis career does and Dara doesn’t seem to think that way. Additionally, during that same “coming out” scene, Mellie’s sex life is discussed in great detail, which just bothered me a lot and I think should have just not been a part of the story, but yeah. Moving on.
Finally, the last thing I would like to talk about is how Dara constantly dismisses her mother’s arguments for keeping Dara away from her grandparents. Mellie says, multiple times that she kept Dara away from her grandparents because they were transphobic and just generally very bigoted and Dara dismisses all of that and essentially downgrades it to “someone hurting Mellie’s feelings” which,,, is a very harmful message, in my opinion. And the fact that Dara constantly calls Mellie selfish for wanting transition really just rubbed me the wrong way. And of course, let’s not forget the fact that Dara outed Mellie to Sam as soon as she could. Alright. I’m going to stop here for this section.
Overall
What I read of this book read as blatantly transphobic to me, and in general, felt like nothing bland and like it was really just relying on the fact that it had a trans character to carry the story through as none of the other elements were very strong.
Oh, also, I wanted to link some reviews for this book, which were written by trans reviewers, so here are some I’ve found:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
https://bookdeviant.wordpress.com/201...
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
If you know of any more, please let me know so I can add them to the list. Other than that, I think that’s my review done. So I will be leaving now.
~~~
DNF @ page 112.
March 3, 2018
I highly recommend this book. It's a fantastic story of discovery, struggle, and finding acceptance and understanding. As a trans woman myself, I can say that Jessica Verdi does an excellent job of giving Mellie an authentic experience. Dara's reaction is handled well, and ultimately, with grace. I found these characters compelling and engaging. A well told story.
March 2, 2018
EDIT: I decided to remove one star because of the frequent misgendering and cruel language used by other characters about Mellie. I realize that this was likely the author's attempt to portray the very real ways that nasty people talk to and about trans folks, but I feel it was a bit excessive here. I have seen trans reviewers saying good things and bad things about this book, and so far it doesn't seem that there is much consensus on whether it is helpful or harmful. I am very open to changing my review and avoiding recommending this book if a majority of trans reviewers find it more harmful than helpful.
I received an ARC of this book through my work!
This book sucked me in immediately, and at times I literally couldn't put it down. It was very dramatic and kind of felt like an emotional roller coaster, but I was completely invested the whole time. Maybe my feelings were heightened considering I had a fever during much of the time I read this, but hey, timing affects everything.
The main character of this book is 18-year-old Dara, who finds out (in a very dramatic manner) that her single mom, Mellie, is trans (assigned male at birth), and was actually her biological father. Mellie passes very well, and has never let on to her daughter or anyone else in their lives that she is not a cis woman. Dara is understandably shaken, and runs away from home in an attempt to find and reconnect with the extended family of her biological mother, taking her best friend Sam along for the ride. What ensues is part teen road-trip story, part drama about who Dara's extended family really are, and what part they will come to play in her life. Throughout everything, we also get a view into Mellie's past through the emails that she sends Dara in order to finally tell her own story and explain why she wasn't honest with her daughter before now.
I feel like this could be a great read for any and all teens (and a lot of adults), but I would probably be cautious when recommending it to trans youth. It definitely includes a LOT of deadnaming and incorrect pronoun usage, which is presented as wrong, but is not actually called out by the protagonist (cause she's going though some stuff and meeting family for the first time, wants them to like her, etc.). It was pretty rough for me as a cis person to read, so I imagine it might be even more painful and frustrating for a trans reader. The emails from Mellie also include details of Mellie's abuse at the hands of her family as a child, and of her past suicidal thoughts.
In the end, this is the story of a mom and daughter who love each other a whole freaking lot, even when they make mistakes. It is a fast read that will tug at your emotions, but leave you with a satisfying ending. I am comforted to know that even though Jessica Verdi is not transgender herself, she did work with a variety of sensitivity readers, some of whom I know of and respect for their own writing, on how to portray Mellie and tell her story. I will definitely recommend this book.
I received an ARC of this book through my work!
This book sucked me in immediately, and at times I literally couldn't put it down. It was very dramatic and kind of felt like an emotional roller coaster, but I was completely invested the whole time. Maybe my feelings were heightened considering I had a fever during much of the time I read this, but hey, timing affects everything.
The main character of this book is 18-year-old Dara, who finds out (in a very dramatic manner) that her single mom, Mellie, is trans (assigned male at birth), and was actually her biological father. Mellie passes very well, and has never let on to her daughter or anyone else in their lives that she is not a cis woman. Dara is understandably shaken, and runs away from home in an attempt to find and reconnect with the extended family of her biological mother, taking her best friend Sam along for the ride. What ensues is part teen road-trip story, part drama about who Dara's extended family really are, and what part they will come to play in her life. Throughout everything, we also get a view into Mellie's past through the emails that she sends Dara in order to finally tell her own story and explain why she wasn't honest with her daughter before now.
I feel like this could be a great read for any and all teens (and a lot of adults), but I would probably be cautious when recommending it to trans youth. It definitely includes a LOT of deadnaming and incorrect pronoun usage, which is presented as wrong, but is not actually called out by the protagonist (cause she's going though some stuff and meeting family for the first time, wants them to like her, etc.). It was pretty rough for me as a cis person to read, so I imagine it might be even more painful and frustrating for a trans reader. The emails from Mellie also include details of Mellie's abuse at the hands of her family as a child, and of her past suicidal thoughts.
In the end, this is the story of a mom and daughter who love each other a whole freaking lot, even when they make mistakes. It is a fast read that will tug at your emotions, but leave you with a satisfying ending. I am comforted to know that even though Jessica Verdi is not transgender herself, she did work with a variety of sensitivity readers, some of whom I know of and respect for their own writing, on how to portray Mellie and tell her story. I will definitely recommend this book.
March 27, 2018
As a LGBTQ ally, I appreciate this book and what it will do to promote understanding between cis and transgender people. And She Was is a well-paced, realistic YA/coming of age story and I loved every page of this heartbreaking and uplifting book. Wonderful read. Highly recommend.
November 13, 2018
When she finds her birth certificate, 18-year old Dara discovers that her mother Mellie isn´t listed as her mother – but as her biological father. Upset by that revelation, Dara goes out to find the family of her other parent with her best friend Sam.
I didn´t like this book. Not one bit.
This is the story of a selfish, transphobic brat who is stupid as fuck and thinks she´s more important than everyone else. Dara basically spends the entire book feeling sorry for herself since „all her mother ever did was lie to her“. Well, I´m pretty sure Mellie´s love for her is real (though I can´t possibly fathom why).
Then she gets mad at her mum for „wasting money on hormones“ instead of paying for her private tennis lessons and tournaments. ???
I pretty much felt bad for Mellie the entire time. The amount of times she is being misgendered is abhorrend. Or lines like this one, delivered by wonderful Dara herself:
I guess it´s important to show that not everyone is a great person and the struggles trans people have to deal with every day are real, but the way this was conveyed was just harmful.
Dara gets a bit better in the second half of the book, but I still don´t think the book transmits a good message.
The author´s writing and her characters weren´t particularly good either. I didn´t really like any of the characters and every relationship just felt very distant. The only time I saw somewhat of a connection between Mellie and Dara was when they were eating hot sauce together. Not kidding, that´s like their hobby.
This book did NOT need a romantic subplot. It just feels forced and unneccesary. Dara´s best friend Sam just seems to be there to get the romance/love triangle rolling and put some more diversity in the book.
If you want to read a good YA novel with transgender characters, check out
- If I Was Your Girl
- The Art of Being Normal
- Beyond Magenta
- George
- Luna
- …
- literally anything else
I didn´t like this book. Not one bit.
This is the story of a selfish, transphobic brat who is stupid as fuck and thinks she´s more important than everyone else. Dara basically spends the entire book feeling sorry for herself since „all her mother ever did was lie to her“. Well, I´m pretty sure Mellie´s love for her is real (though I can´t possibly fathom why).
Then she gets mad at her mum for „wasting money on hormones“ instead of paying for her private tennis lessons and tournaments. ???
I pretty much felt bad for Mellie the entire time. The amount of times she is being misgendered is abhorrend. Or lines like this one, delivered by wonderful Dara herself:
Mellie: „I´m grateful that I´ve been able to pass.“
Dara: „Pass. Another word for lie.“ (p. 37)
I guess it´s important to show that not everyone is a great person and the struggles trans people have to deal with every day are real, but the way this was conveyed was just harmful.
Dara gets a bit better in the second half of the book, but I still don´t think the book transmits a good message.
The author´s writing and her characters weren´t particularly good either. I didn´t really like any of the characters and every relationship just felt very distant. The only time I saw somewhat of a connection between Mellie and Dara was when they were eating hot sauce together. Not kidding, that´s like their hobby.
This book did NOT need a romantic subplot. It just feels forced and unneccesary. Dara´s best friend Sam just seems to be there to get the romance/love triangle rolling and put some more diversity in the book.
If you want to read a good YA novel with transgender characters, check out
- If I Was Your Girl
- The Art of Being Normal
- Beyond Magenta
- George
- Luna
- …
- literally anything else
July 27, 2018
This is a book written by a cis person, for cis people.
The main character in this book is casually transphobic, often misgenders her mother, and believes Mellie is selfish for wanting to get away from an extended family who treat her like a monster. It takes learning that said extended family tried to get Mellie accused of child molestation for her to realize that her mother wasn't just "running away because people were mean to her." Yes, that is something Dara actually tells her mother. "You just got sick of them being mean to you," as if transphobia is something that can be equated to teasing or playground cruelty.
I know that because I am trans, my experience reading this book is obviously going to be different than that of a cis person's. And I don't want to understate how important it is for cisgender people to read books about trans people and to learn from them. But this book seems to have been written without considering a transgender audience at all. This book was 350 pages. I spent 300 of them watching Dara be painstakingly guided through learning how to treat her mother with basic human decency. I highly doubt that the author intended for it to come across this way - Dara was just meant to be someone who had a lot to learn. But the result is the same: I, a trans kid, felt alienated by a book that is supposed to be about people like me.
The main character in this book is casually transphobic, often misgenders her mother, and believes Mellie is selfish for wanting to get away from an extended family who treat her like a monster. It takes learning that said extended family tried to get Mellie accused of child molestation for her to realize that her mother wasn't just "running away because people were mean to her." Yes, that is something Dara actually tells her mother. "You just got sick of them being mean to you," as if transphobia is something that can be equated to teasing or playground cruelty.
I know that because I am trans, my experience reading this book is obviously going to be different than that of a cis person's. And I don't want to understate how important it is for cisgender people to read books about trans people and to learn from them. But this book seems to have been written without considering a transgender audience at all. This book was 350 pages. I spent 300 of them watching Dara be painstakingly guided through learning how to treat her mother with basic human decency. I highly doubt that the author intended for it to come across this way - Dara was just meant to be someone who had a lot to learn. But the result is the same: I, a trans kid, felt alienated by a book that is supposed to be about people like me.
December 17, 2017
My library received an ARC from Point/Scholastic. Teens will be captivated by Dara’s story. It reads quick. At 18 Dara finds her birth certificate and discovers that her mom, Mellie, was assigned male at birth. What follows is a road trip for answers, some romance, and emails from mom that slowly reveal Mellie’s story. The pacing is good and the teen perspective (drinking, romance, etc) is realistically portrayed. Some parts of the book felt like they were educating the reader, but Dara had to educate herself. There are characters you want to punch and at times you want to shake sense into Dara, but her realizations and understanding have to come in her own time. Overall, it’s good for those who want to learn about LGBTQ+.
January 21, 2021
Characters are a huge part in if I like the book or not.. this main character was a transphobe the entire time. I mean, its right for her to overwhelmed with this huge truth reveal, she is allowed to be and its alright for her to be mad about not knowing the truth (even though Mellie didn't have to tell her if she didn't want to) but it doesn't excuse misgendering her, not calling her mum anymore, going to live with the people your mum said really hurt her (the fact she had the hear it out of her mums bullies mouths to believe it..).
Such a selfish and evil main character.
Such a selfish and evil main character.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 28, 2018
And She Was by Jessica Verdi is a fluffy contemporary novel. Dara is a almost professional tennis player. However her mom Mellie isn't always so supportive. When Dara finds her birth certificate, she realizes that Mellies name isn't one of the names listed as her parents. After confronting Mellie, Mellie admits that she was born a male named Marcus and is Dara's biological father. Enranged that Mellie didn't tell her sooner, Dara and her best friend Sam go on a road trip to find Dara's grandparents.
I'm giving this book 4/5 stars. It is definitely a very nice, fast and sweet read. The writing is amazing. However, Dara's relationship with Sam was a bit cliché. I also thought that Dara, as a character, was a bit annoying. Other than that, I loved the book. It was very interesting to me, as I have never read a book about somebody with a transgender parent. If you are a fan of LGBTQ reads, I would recommend picking this one up.
Thanks so much to Jessica Verdi, for sending me an ARC copy of this book. Wait for it on shelves March 27, 2018!
Check out more of my review on: ilanasbookreviews.wordpress.com
I'm giving this book 4/5 stars. It is definitely a very nice, fast and sweet read. The writing is amazing. However, Dara's relationship with Sam was a bit cliché. I also thought that Dara, as a character, was a bit annoying. Other than that, I loved the book. It was very interesting to me, as I have never read a book about somebody with a transgender parent. If you are a fan of LGBTQ reads, I would recommend picking this one up.
Thanks so much to Jessica Verdi, for sending me an ARC copy of this book. Wait for it on shelves March 27, 2018!
Check out more of my review on: ilanasbookreviews.wordpress.com
October 14, 2017
As a trans/LGBTQ+ ally, I didn’t get much from this and actively hated the protagonist for half the book. I would not recommend this to trans people as there’s a lot of deadnaming and other potentially harmful/triggering transphobic stuff in this book. This book is definitely meant to educate transphobic people.
Also, it lost major points for including the “falls in love with male best friend” trope.
The writing didn’t blow me away either.
But ultimately, I don’t think I’m the right audience for this book. I hope it will find its way into a lot of libraries and schools in transphobic areas.
Also, it lost major points for including the “falls in love with male best friend” trope.
The writing didn’t blow me away either.
But ultimately, I don’t think I’m the right audience for this book. I hope it will find its way into a lot of libraries and schools in transphobic areas.
Read
January 26, 2021I am adding this to my shelves so I remember to avoid this book as a part of an ANTI TBR shelf. This is a shelf for my own records. I am not cancelling or advocating anything.
Here lies problematic books that I rather not waste my time reading. Life is too short for books I won't enjoy, I rather spend my time reading something I love.
Here lies problematic books that I rather not waste my time reading. Life is too short for books I won't enjoy, I rather spend my time reading something I love.
June 14, 2018
And She Was follows Dara, a girl who has recently graduated from high school, and has high dreams of becoming a tennis star, in the vein of Serena Williams. However, when she asks her mother for her birth certificate so she can apply for a passport, her mother claims she lost it years ago, forcing Dara to go hunting around their house for it. Upon searching the house, Dara finds a locked box under her mom's bed, and after unlocking it, she finds a copy of her birth certificate, with two names listed. Which is strange because her mom told her she didn't know who Dara's father was, and Dara's mom's name is not listed. After confronting her mother, she discovers that she is actually Dara's father, and transitioned into a woman after her birth mother's death. Upon learning the truth and finding out she has family she hasn't met yet, Dara sets off to discover her grandparents, and see if the grass really is greener on the other side...
Didn't know a lot going into this book, except that it involved a girl discovering her mother is transgender, and I absolutely loved this book! I think it dealt with transgender issues well (I don't have any real-life experience with this topic, so I'm not sure how it translates to others who have experienced this, or are transgender), although I had problems with Dara in the beginning. She came across as very bratty, and instead of supporting and comforting the woman who has single-handedly raised her all her life, she lashes out at her, and accuses her of lying to her, and sets off to find people she doesn't know, in the hopes that maybe her life will be better with them. Spoiler alert: I feel like she was motivated by her passion for tennis, and that she thought if she had a family with money, she could achieve her dreams, and she put that before the love of her mother. I'm glad she saw sense in the end.
Also, how obvious was it that
Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and would love to read more from this author!
Didn't know a lot going into this book, except that it involved a girl discovering her mother is transgender, and I absolutely loved this book! I think it dealt with transgender issues well (I don't have any real-life experience with this topic, so I'm not sure how it translates to others who have experienced this, or are transgender), although I had problems with Dara in the beginning. She came across as very bratty, and instead of supporting and comforting the woman who has single-handedly raised her all her life, she lashes out at her, and accuses her of lying to her, and sets off to find people she doesn't know, in the hopes that maybe her life will be better with them. Spoiler alert: I feel like she was motivated by her passion for tennis, and that she thought if she had a family with money, she could achieve her dreams, and she put that before the love of her mother. I'm glad she saw sense in the end.
Also, how obvious was it that
Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and would love to read more from this author!
June 17, 2018
5 out of 5 stars
Beyond beautifully written. I read this in one sitting because I couldn't put it down.
A story of a daughter; Dara who sets out on a road trip with her best friend Sam to unravel the life of her transitioned mother who is technically her biological father after she finds her birth certificate for the first time and discovering the truth about her family.
Beyond beautifully written. I read this in one sitting because I couldn't put it down.
A story of a daughter; Dara who sets out on a road trip with her best friend Sam to unravel the life of her transitioned mother who is technically her biological father after she finds her birth certificate for the first time and discovering the truth about her family.
Read
July 4, 2019Graded By: Brian
Cover Story: Missing Enough to Feel All Right
Drinking Buddy: She Opens Up her Eyes
Testosterone Estrogen Level: No Time to Think About What to Tell Him
Talky Talk: She's Moving Out In All Directions
Bonus Factors: Transgender, Estranged Family
Bromance Status: Proud About It, No Doubt About It
Read the full book report here.
Cover Story: Missing Enough to Feel All Right
Drinking Buddy: She Opens Up her Eyes
Talky Talk: She's Moving Out In All Directions
Bonus Factors: Transgender, Estranged Family
Bromance Status: Proud About It, No Doubt About It
Read the full book report here.
December 17, 2018
This book was better than I had hoped. The characters are well-developed and the story line is unique and extremely important to write about. A little hard to read at times, due to some of the characters struggling with identity issues. This is a story that I will remember!
March 19, 2018
I have never read a book like this before. Thank you for writing a book about a part of the human race people like me are not knowledgeable about. I loved the story.
August 30, 2017
To summarize this LGBT read, it is basically Transamerica but instead of Felicity Huffman having a junkie bisexual hustling son, the protagonist is an up and coming, well adjusted tennis star who discovers her single parent mom use to be her single biological father. 18 year old Dara Baker discovers the truth of her parentage after the woman she always believed was her mother Mellie Baker turns to be assigned at birth as her father Marcus. Angry at the deception, Mellie and her best friend Sam embark on road trip to discover her late biological mother's family and learn more about herself and her mother's past in the process.
Certainly, this has the makings of a really, great emotional YA read about transgender issues and the struggles many trans people face especially when they become biological parents to children during and after transitioning. However, the first half of the book with setting up the story didn't quite capture the reader and it took a while for the plot to warm up. It is until we learn more about Mellie's story that things in the second half of the book that really makes much more of an impact.
I did enjoy the book but the pacing took a bit of time to get to use to. Even the obligatory romance between Dara and Sam was a let down since there was very little build up and it seemed a bit forced. If anything, it should've been removed all together. Really the main focus should've been on Mellie subplot since the story does focus on her. Dara is more of the spiritual connection to telling her story but we don't realize that until we get near the end.
Overall, okay. It could use some fine tuning.
Certainly, this has the makings of a really, great emotional YA read about transgender issues and the struggles many trans people face especially when they become biological parents to children during and after transitioning. However, the first half of the book with setting up the story didn't quite capture the reader and it took a while for the plot to warm up. It is until we learn more about Mellie's story that things in the second half of the book that really makes much more of an impact.
I did enjoy the book but the pacing took a bit of time to get to use to. Even the obligatory romance between Dara and Sam was a let down since there was very little build up and it seemed a bit forced. If anything, it should've been removed all together. Really the main focus should've been on Mellie subplot since the story does focus on her. Dara is more of the spiritual connection to telling her story but we don't realize that until we get near the end.
Overall, okay. It could use some fine tuning.
Read
January 22, 2018I really enjoyed reading this book. It gave some insight on the struggles go being transgender while also showing insight to those around them. It also allows the readers to see just how difficult it can be to keep a secret that large. One other thing this book shows is that secrets always get out and sometimes it is better to trust family with things, rather than hide them away. In closing, I really enjoyed this book and the themes that lay behind it.
December 17, 2018
Verdi is giving voice to social issues that are relevant to the world of teenagers today. In her last book, What you Left Behind, tells the story of teenage pregancy from the boy's viewpoint. In And she Was, we are introduced to Mellie who is transgender. Mellie grew up as Marcus, but she knew from the toddler years she was in the wrong body. Her parents were not only closed minded about this subject, it wasnt an open viewpoint in the world of people grappling with their bodies not matching how they identify themselves to it.
Marcus tried living as a male as the world saw him, but he was miserable inside. He quietly tried out makeup, female clothing and reading about a very few who chose to tell the world they are transgender when it wasnt accepted socially. His childhood was full of abuse as his parents thought they could beat it out of him. Marcus does fall in love and marries. His wife tolerated his female tendencies and told him that she wasn't a lesbian. She really didnt understand. They do have a child together but she is killed when the baby is still an infant.
Marcus is still struggling in a world that doesnt understand him. His wive's parents seem to embrace him and his need to be a female. Sadly they have other motives in play.
That baby grows up and Dara discovers a box of memories that make no sense. She confronts Mellie and she tries to explain to her daughter, I am your father but I am also a woman. Dara flees town searching for her lost family. As she travels looking for her grandparents Mellie tells her the whole story via emails.
Verdi did her research on this subject matter and it shows throughout the book. She takes a sensitive subject treats it with dignity and gives a whole lot of emotion behind it. She does not preach whether transgender is normal, or a taboo to hide behind close doors. She gives the readers all sides of it.
Mellie tells us how hard it was to be a boy, when she felt like a girl. Dara tells of betrayal by Mellie. We have characters who are close minded and think Mellie is perverted. We have other characters as they learn the truth embrace Mellie as she is.
Marcus tried living as a male as the world saw him, but he was miserable inside. He quietly tried out makeup, female clothing and reading about a very few who chose to tell the world they are transgender when it wasnt accepted socially. His childhood was full of abuse as his parents thought they could beat it out of him. Marcus does fall in love and marries. His wife tolerated his female tendencies and told him that she wasn't a lesbian. She really didnt understand. They do have a child together but she is killed when the baby is still an infant.
Marcus is still struggling in a world that doesnt understand him. His wive's parents seem to embrace him and his need to be a female. Sadly they have other motives in play.
That baby grows up and Dara discovers a box of memories that make no sense. She confronts Mellie and she tries to explain to her daughter, I am your father but I am also a woman. Dara flees town searching for her lost family. As she travels looking for her grandparents Mellie tells her the whole story via emails.
Verdi did her research on this subject matter and it shows throughout the book. She takes a sensitive subject treats it with dignity and gives a whole lot of emotion behind it. She does not preach whether transgender is normal, or a taboo to hide behind close doors. She gives the readers all sides of it.
Mellie tells us how hard it was to be a boy, when she felt like a girl. Dara tells of betrayal by Mellie. We have characters who are close minded and think Mellie is perverted. We have other characters as they learn the truth embrace Mellie as she is.
March 22, 2018
And She Was By Jessica Verdi opened my eyes to a different world. It covers many different topics such as being transgender, how to be truthful, getting drunk for the first time, and having your first romantic relationship. All of these life lessons are expressed perfectly as a mother and her daughter fight to stay together when an unpleasant truth threatens to ruin it. I loved how Jessica Verdi had two stories always going. One, the present, and two, the past told in emails from the perspective of the mother. All and all, And She Was is an amazing coming out novel that kept me enthralled in the book.
May 26, 2018
This is a beautifully written narrative by a cis teen girl who finds out that her mother was her biological father and she had a family she never knew about. None of the plot is surprising, but the emails the mother sends that tell her story bit by bit are powerful and evocative. Even as we side (maybe) with the daughter at first, we learn, as she does, of the complexity of her mother's life and why lying, an unforgivable sin in a real relationship, was her only choice. It's a YA book, but anyone who wants or needs to understand has to read it. And the best part? Jessica Verdi is coming to talk to my students on Tuesday!!!!
January 11, 2019
I really liked this novel, though it took a few chapters to get into. The way Verdi writes is eloquent and precise. I enjoyed the content as well as the character development of Dara and Mellie. I was expecting the ending to have to do more explicitly with the title, but it ends up leaving "And she was" to open interpretation of its meaning. Overall a great novel. I would recommend this book to older high schoolers.
April 13, 2019
This book is a GREAT LGBTQ book especially for young readers. A beautiful story told with honesty and respect. I loved the dual narrative - Dara (the main character) and Mellie (Dara's mother) telling her story to Dara via email. I loved the plot of the book and think this book is a very important book for young readers. The characters in this book were also so great. So glad I read this book!
November 22, 2019
This was a really good story!!
April 1, 2018
Oh, I had such hopes for this book! Dara's life with her single mother, Mellie, is upended when Dara learns that Mellie was born male and transitioned (as well as fled, with infant Dara, from his/her in-laws, having left his family years before). Dara is, understandably, confused and interested in meeting her extended family... so she and BFF/boy-almost-next-door Sam head off to find her maternal grandparents.
So what went wrong? Mellie's story is told via email, which means far too much telling and far too little showing. The Dara/Sam relationship is so predictable it almost hurts. Also predictable? The conservative, anti-LGBTQ grandparents. And that Dara's new-found aunt is using her parent's Charleston home as an animal rescue operation (in other words, these conservative people do have a really good side! they're not all bad!) is just kitchen sinking. Had any one of those elements been different, this might have been stronger. Take away another element, stronger still.
ARC provided by publisher.
So what went wrong? Mellie's story is told via email, which means far too much telling and far too little showing. The Dara/Sam relationship is so predictable it almost hurts. Also predictable? The conservative, anti-LGBTQ grandparents. And that Dara's new-found aunt is using her parent's Charleston home as an animal rescue operation (in other words, these conservative people do have a really good side! they're not all bad!) is just kitchen sinking. Had any one of those elements been different, this might have been stronger. Take away another element, stronger still.
ARC provided by publisher.
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