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Crossings: A Doctor-Soldier's Story
In Iraq, as a medic and officer, Jon Kerstetter balanced two impossibly conflicting imperatives--to heal and to kill. When he suffered an injury and then a stroke during his third tour, he wound up back home in Iowa, no longer able to be either a doctor or a soldier. In this gorgeous memoir that moves from his impoverished upbringing on an Oneida reservation, to his harrowing stints as a volunteer medic in Kosovo and Bosnia, through the madness of Iraq and his intense mandate to assemble a team to identify the remains of Uday and Qusay Hussein, and the struggle afterward to come to terms with a life irrevocably changed, Kerstetter beautifully illuminates war and survival, the fragility of the human body, and the strength of will that lies within.
352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2017
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About the author
Jon Kerstetter
4 books13 followersJon Kerstetter received his medical degree from the Mayo Medical School in Rochester, Minnesota and his MFA degree from Ashland University in Ohio. He practiced emergency medicine and military medicine, serving as a combat physician and flight surgeon for the US Army and completing three combat tours in Iraq. He has also taught disaster relief and practiced emergency medicine in Kosovo, Bosnia, Rwanda, and Honduras.
Photo by Nicole Kerstetter
Photo by Nicole Kerstetter
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March 13, 2019
Crossings is two stories: first Kerstetter's journey to becoming a doctor and joining the army (both later in life than your average med students and army recruits), and then his experience recovering from a stroke that ended his career.
My reaction here is a little complicated. Kerstetter has a ton of material to pull from, and a ton of life experience. The end of the book also gives some perspective in terms of just how hard he must have had to work to turn this into a cohesive story, because the stroke damaged so many of the capabilities needed for this kind of work. It's so clearly not the book he would have wanted to write: he would have wanted the second half to look much more like the first half, detailing tours with the military and high-stakes, fast-paced work with trauma patients.
But my strongest takeaways aren't really about his work, or about his stroke. They're 1) his poor wife and 2) that his approach to medicine makes me a little sad.
On the first point: just, oof. So many decisions that she wasn't privy to. Kerstetter became a doctor as a second career, against the reservations of his wife. Then he joined the National Guard, again against his wife's reservations. Did some humanitarian work in recent war zones, again (say it with me) against his wife's reservations. Volunteered for a military tour and then implied to his wife and kids (as far as I can tell) that his deployment wasn't by choice. (Had his tour extended, not by choice, and asks how he's supposed to tell his family, because apparently that's harder than (not) telling your family that you've chosen to deploy.) Kept his medical diagnoses from his family. And then later, home and trying to make strikes in stroke rehab, absolutely fucking refused to acknowledge that PTSD might be a problem, even as he says this: On the other side of my nightmare, Collin [his wife] screamed and cried as she took the brunt of my war-fed panic. I kicked and kneed and punched her with a closed fist, and I didn't stop until she woke me up. Once, according to her, I got her in a chokehold and she panicked. When I finally woke to her screams, I felt fear and sorrow and shame. And I wanted to hide myself or run away so I couldn't hurt her (300).
Kerstetter describes his work in humanitarian scenarios this way: I had left my own children in the care of their mother, fully sheltered, safe, with ample food and extra money for weekend entertainment while I was gone. They would survive with barely a ripple in their routines and perhaps barely a [sic] notice that I was gone. The mother and child before me were hours to days away from their deaths. I became desperate to save them, to show them that I valued their lives (65). And—he's not wrong that his work there had much more immediate, life-saving possibilities than a lot of what he was doing back home. But the implication that as long as the material comforts are there at home, that's all that matters...that makes me uncomfortable. I wanted that unpacked. I suspect the family would have told a very different story.
Ditto the question of PTSD: Over and over and over again, we see Kerstetter chafe against the possibility that he might be dealing with it. To me, the diagnosis lacked clinical objectivity. I didn't deny that it was real and that soldiers experienced it, but I battled against it with a military frame of mind, the toughness/weakness paradigm: soldiers are tough; PTSD is a sign of mental weakness... I hated the term "PTSD" because of its overwrought emphasis on the word "disorder" and its implied status of emotional incompetence (293). Y'all...if it's how you feel or felt, okay. Can't change that for the sake of a memoir! But you've got to UNPACK THAT SHIT. If you're going to talk at length about your dislike of the idea of having PTSD, and also mention that oh yeah, your unacknowledged PTSD presented a physical danger to your wife, then jesus fucking christ you can do better than saying 'oh, I felt really bad about it'.
And to the second point, about medicine...I don't know. One of the reasons Kerstetter was so eager to go on military tours was that he thrived on high-stakes medicine, on life-and-death trauma work. He's dismissive of anything that isn't immediately life-and-death.
There's a recurring theme of death here—as you'd expect in stories of both trauma medicine and of war—but oh man, again, I'd have loved some more unpacking there. There are at least three places where Kerstetter talks about bodies and not wanting to deal with them. On the subject of making forensic IDs on Uday and Qusay Hussein: I protested mildly, stating that I was too far out of my lane of expertise. What I really meant was I wanted out of a mission that focused on the dead. I wanted to spend my time in trauma care and emergency medicine, not on some politically expedient experiment (106). On visiting a local morgue that was extremely short on resources: I wanted to run from the images and the smells and the institute. I turned to walk away and said I had seen enough, but Dr. Bakr told me there was more. I said curtly that I didn't need to see anymore [sic]. He kept reminding me about the lack of refrigeration and supplies. I demanded we move from the courtyard, insisting we were finished. "I don't need to see all this shit," I snapped. "I get it!" (138) When working with bodies after a bombing that resulted in mass casualties: When I walked into the morgue tent, I was almost overwhelmed by the sight of body bags and the iron smell of blood. If it had not been for the presence of Colonel Gagliano and Ambassador Kennedy, I think I would have left (151). On identifying bodies after a crash: I had learned the identities of those killed by the process of elimination and from the information on the flight plans, but I had not seen their remains. I asked the commander if I could cross-check the mission assignments and flight logs to make the identifications, then I could sign the death certificates. But he wanted me to get positive identification, which could not be done by simply cross-checking the flight logs. "We need physical confirmation," he ordered.
"Yes, sir" was all I said in reply. I said it professionally, respectfully, and dutifully, but I also said it with dread (183).
I'm fascinated by this because it seems to be so at odds with everything else he does. No problem working with blood and guts, no problem with wielding a gun and perhaps sending somebody else to a morgue. Not that I can blame anyone for not wanting to work with bodies, especially bodies in various states of filth and decomposition. But I think this is a more complicated question for somebody who has chosen to be both doctor and soldier, and it would have been really interesting to see that acknowledged/discussed more directly.
My reaction here is a little complicated. Kerstetter has a ton of material to pull from, and a ton of life experience. The end of the book also gives some perspective in terms of just how hard he must have had to work to turn this into a cohesive story, because the stroke damaged so many of the capabilities needed for this kind of work. It's so clearly not the book he would have wanted to write: he would have wanted the second half to look much more like the first half, detailing tours with the military and high-stakes, fast-paced work with trauma patients.
But my strongest takeaways aren't really about his work, or about his stroke. They're 1) his poor wife and 2) that his approach to medicine makes me a little sad.
On the first point: just, oof. So many decisions that she wasn't privy to. Kerstetter became a doctor as a second career, against the reservations of his wife. Then he joined the National Guard, again against his wife's reservations. Did some humanitarian work in recent war zones, again (say it with me) against his wife's reservations. Volunteered for a military tour and then implied to his wife and kids (as far as I can tell) that his deployment wasn't by choice. (Had his tour extended, not by choice, and asks how he's supposed to tell his family, because apparently that's harder than (not) telling your family that you've chosen to deploy.) Kept his medical diagnoses from his family. And then later, home and trying to make strikes in stroke rehab, absolutely fucking refused to acknowledge that PTSD might be a problem, even as he says this: On the other side of my nightmare, Collin [his wife] screamed and cried as she took the brunt of my war-fed panic. I kicked and kneed and punched her with a closed fist, and I didn't stop until she woke me up. Once, according to her, I got her in a chokehold and she panicked. When I finally woke to her screams, I felt fear and sorrow and shame. And I wanted to hide myself or run away so I couldn't hurt her (300).
Kerstetter describes his work in humanitarian scenarios this way: I had left my own children in the care of their mother, fully sheltered, safe, with ample food and extra money for weekend entertainment while I was gone. They would survive with barely a ripple in their routines and perhaps barely a [sic] notice that I was gone. The mother and child before me were hours to days away from their deaths. I became desperate to save them, to show them that I valued their lives (65). And—he's not wrong that his work there had much more immediate, life-saving possibilities than a lot of what he was doing back home. But the implication that as long as the material comforts are there at home, that's all that matters...that makes me uncomfortable. I wanted that unpacked. I suspect the family would have told a very different story.
Ditto the question of PTSD: Over and over and over again, we see Kerstetter chafe against the possibility that he might be dealing with it. To me, the diagnosis lacked clinical objectivity. I didn't deny that it was real and that soldiers experienced it, but I battled against it with a military frame of mind, the toughness/weakness paradigm: soldiers are tough; PTSD is a sign of mental weakness... I hated the term "PTSD" because of its overwrought emphasis on the word "disorder" and its implied status of emotional incompetence (293). Y'all...if it's how you feel or felt, okay. Can't change that for the sake of a memoir! But you've got to UNPACK THAT SHIT. If you're going to talk at length about your dislike of the idea of having PTSD, and also mention that oh yeah, your unacknowledged PTSD presented a physical danger to your wife, then jesus fucking christ you can do better than saying 'oh, I felt really bad about it'.
And to the second point, about medicine...I don't know. One of the reasons Kerstetter was so eager to go on military tours was that he thrived on high-stakes medicine, on life-and-death trauma work. He's dismissive of anything that isn't immediately life-and-death.
"I know you're not totally happy with the ER," she said, after one of my shifts. "What are you thinking about the military?"
"I just want other options. Relocating to a trauma center doesn't seem realistic with our family."
"It's not," she responded.
"I think the National Guard might provide a challenge."
"But why do you always need a challenge?"
"I don't," I claimed, "but half my time is wasted in the ER. It's not exactly what I wanted." (49)And I think this sort of sums it up: if it isn't the exact kind of medicine he's interested in, then, well, he's not interested. If a case didn't involve trauma or bleeding, I didn't consider it a real emergency. I still responded to cardiac emergencies with speed and professional acumen, but even those cases became less challenging than they had been before I deployed. At the end of a typical ER shift, I felt like the whole experience of practicing medicine lacked importance and vitality (156). Among other things, I'd like to know: did his experience as a stroke patient make him think any differently? A stroke would absolutely not have met his criteria for a 'real emergency', after all. I'm sure all this made him a bang-up trauma doctor, but I'm sorely disappointed by the lack of analysis here.
There's a recurring theme of death here—as you'd expect in stories of both trauma medicine and of war—but oh man, again, I'd have loved some more unpacking there. There are at least three places where Kerstetter talks about bodies and not wanting to deal with them. On the subject of making forensic IDs on Uday and Qusay Hussein: I protested mildly, stating that I was too far out of my lane of expertise. What I really meant was I wanted out of a mission that focused on the dead. I wanted to spend my time in trauma care and emergency medicine, not on some politically expedient experiment (106). On visiting a local morgue that was extremely short on resources: I wanted to run from the images and the smells and the institute. I turned to walk away and said I had seen enough, but Dr. Bakr told me there was more. I said curtly that I didn't need to see anymore [sic]. He kept reminding me about the lack of refrigeration and supplies. I demanded we move from the courtyard, insisting we were finished. "I don't need to see all this shit," I snapped. "I get it!" (138) When working with bodies after a bombing that resulted in mass casualties: When I walked into the morgue tent, I was almost overwhelmed by the sight of body bags and the iron smell of blood. If it had not been for the presence of Colonel Gagliano and Ambassador Kennedy, I think I would have left (151). On identifying bodies after a crash: I had learned the identities of those killed by the process of elimination and from the information on the flight plans, but I had not seen their remains. I asked the commander if I could cross-check the mission assignments and flight logs to make the identifications, then I could sign the death certificates. But he wanted me to get positive identification, which could not be done by simply cross-checking the flight logs. "We need physical confirmation," he ordered.
"Yes, sir" was all I said in reply. I said it professionally, respectfully, and dutifully, but I also said it with dread (183).
I'm fascinated by this because it seems to be so at odds with everything else he does. No problem working with blood and guts, no problem with wielding a gun and perhaps sending somebody else to a morgue. Not that I can blame anyone for not wanting to work with bodies, especially bodies in various states of filth and decomposition. But I think this is a more complicated question for somebody who has chosen to be both doctor and soldier, and it would have been really interesting to see that acknowledged/discussed more directly.
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October 20, 2017Jon Kerstetter's biography weaves a tale of war, healing, love, loss, family and determination so compelling it will resonate long after the last page. Born on a Native American reservation, Kerstetter frames his life as a series of boundary crossings. Crossing from Native American roots into the wider U.S., crossing from poverty into medical school and international medicine, crossing from doctor and healer to soldier and killer. Poignant, incisive sentences cut like surgeon's knife describing his three tours in Iraq as: "life and death played out within the walls of a hospital tent and within the depths of human hearts." (p. 297) The atrocities of war led to another crossing in his mind; into a base hatred of his enemy and struggles with PTSD.
What makes this work truly amazing is the fact that Kerstetter suffered a stroke after returning from Iraq and experienced a variety of cognitive barriers. His sheer persistence in writing such a beautiful book is something to admire. In his words: "I am that person who, by the force of loss, has had to learn the force of resilience. At times I was defeated and adrift. But I learned to keep pushing against the boundaries that emerged, the real and the imagined, crossing them where I could..." (p. 335).
Kerstetter's story is that of one Midwestern life, but it is also the story of humanity pushing boundaries, seeking more, and dreaming big dreams.
Review by Christine Barth - Librarian, Scott County Library System
What makes this work truly amazing is the fact that Kerstetter suffered a stroke after returning from Iraq and experienced a variety of cognitive barriers. His sheer persistence in writing such a beautiful book is something to admire. In his words: "I am that person who, by the force of loss, has had to learn the force of resilience. At times I was defeated and adrift. But I learned to keep pushing against the boundaries that emerged, the real and the imagined, crossing them where I could..." (p. 335).
Kerstetter's story is that of one Midwestern life, but it is also the story of humanity pushing boundaries, seeking more, and dreaming big dreams.
Review by Christine Barth - Librarian, Scott County Library System
June 4, 2017
This was a 4 out of 5 stars read for me.
A soldier. A doctor. How do you reconcile the two? Especially in a war-torn country when doctors are to "do no harm," but a soldier must "shoot to kill." This was an interesting read from a man that had to experience both. How do you ever live with yourself once you have had to live on both sides of the battle lines? What do you do once you have suffered a catastrophic medical condition and can no longer do either? How do you define yourself then? Where do you put your memories, your anger, your frustration and even your grief and loss when you CAN'T leave it on a battlefield? When your LIFE becomes the battlefield? Join Jon Kerstetter on his journey to hell and back in his emotional novel Crossings and bear witness to his struggles once released on September 5, 2017.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. I would like to thank Netgalley, Crown Publishing Group, and Jon Kerstetter for the opportunity to visit both sides of this difficult encounter.
A soldier. A doctor. How do you reconcile the two? Especially in a war-torn country when doctors are to "do no harm," but a soldier must "shoot to kill." This was an interesting read from a man that had to experience both. How do you ever live with yourself once you have had to live on both sides of the battle lines? What do you do once you have suffered a catastrophic medical condition and can no longer do either? How do you define yourself then? Where do you put your memories, your anger, your frustration and even your grief and loss when you CAN'T leave it on a battlefield? When your LIFE becomes the battlefield? Join Jon Kerstetter on his journey to hell and back in his emotional novel Crossings and bear witness to his struggles once released on September 5, 2017.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. I would like to thank Netgalley, Crown Publishing Group, and Jon Kerstetter for the opportunity to visit both sides of this difficult encounter.
June 20, 2017
There are many stories written about war but this book is unique in that it's written by a Dr. whose mission was to heal, and to kill. Kerstetter, a native American who is a member of Oneida Tribe, holds nothing back recounting his 3 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. The goal of a Dr. is to save lives, but at what point is life salvageable? Deciding when a body is compatible with life was something that he dealt with on a daily basis and one that almost guaranteed that he would suffer from PTSD. He endured all the horrors of war, only to be diagnosed with an aneurysm and had a debilitating stroke that prevented him from practicing medicine. This is the rare mixture of medicine and philosophy, combined with being a gripping war memoir that doesn't blink from the horrific scenes. Scenes that you can not turn away from, as much as you want to.
I received an advance copy and was not compensated.
I received an advance copy and was not compensated.
November 19, 2017
This is a good book. When I got to the end I found it all the more amazing how well written it is once I knew about the author's struggles after suffering a stroke. The parts about the war are brutal at times, but so is war, so it gave greater clarity on the effects war has on those who have to fight in it. There is so much in this book that I find it hard to give it an adequate review without "writing a book." I will say that knowing what I know at the end of the book, I think I would almost like to read it again for greater appreciation.
February 26, 2018
This book intrigued me as someone who works in rehabilitative services. I wanted to read about the patient's experiences and learn from his comments. I had no idea that he was located in my home state, which added to my interest. Jon's story is unique - he has a world of experience and shared it in a unique way. Sometimes he got a bit wordy for me, but I never lost interest in his story.
October 20, 2017
Jon Kerstetter's biography weaves a tale of war, healing, love, loss, family and determination so compelling it will resonate long after the last page. Born on a Native American reservation, Kerstetter frames his life as a series of boundary crossings. Crossing from Native American roots into the wider U.S., crossing from poverty into medical school and international medicine, crossing from doctor and healer to soldier and killer. Poignant, incisive sentences cut like surgeon's knife describing his three tours in Iraq as: "life and death played out within the walls of a hospital tent and within the depths of human hearts." (p. 297) The atrocities of war led to another crossing in his mind; into a base hatred of his enemy and struggles with PTSD.
What makes this work truly amazing is the fact that Kerstetter suffered a stroke after returning from Iraq and experienced a variety of cognitive barriers. His sheer persistence in writing such a beautiful book is something to admire. In his words: "I am that person who, by the force of loss, has had to learn the force of resilience. At times I was defeated and adrift. But I learned to keep pushing against the boundaries that emerged, the real and the imagined, crossing them where I could..." (p. 335).
Kerstetter's story is that of one Midwestern life, but it is also the story of humanity pushing boundaries, seeking more, and dreaming big dreams.
Review by Christine Barth - Librarian, Scott County Library System
What makes this work truly amazing is the fact that Kerstetter suffered a stroke after returning from Iraq and experienced a variety of cognitive barriers. His sheer persistence in writing such a beautiful book is something to admire. In his words: "I am that person who, by the force of loss, has had to learn the force of resilience. At times I was defeated and adrift. But I learned to keep pushing against the boundaries that emerged, the real and the imagined, crossing them where I could..." (p. 335).
Kerstetter's story is that of one Midwestern life, but it is also the story of humanity pushing boundaries, seeking more, and dreaming big dreams.
Review by Christine Barth - Librarian, Scott County Library System
May 6, 2017
I received a copy of this book through NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
I just finished reading this book, and I am completely floored. Kerstetter 's telling of his journey is unlike anything that I have ever read before and the results are a truly remarkable book. I have read a lot of books that are memoirs centering around the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and this one brings a unique perspective to the journey, delivered through top-notch writing. The author's power as a gifted storyteller brings you in for a front row seat as he relives the most difficult parts of his life.
The book starts out with the author's early life, progressing up to the point where he becomes a doctor. Once a doctor, he finds himself bored with routine treatment and seeking experience with treating critical trauma patients, which ultimately leads him into military service. The book delves into areas I never thought about a soldier/doctor performing. Most notably, he is entrusted with overseeing the process of positively identifying high priority enemy targets (Uday and Qusay Hussein) post mortem, and the transfer of their remains back to the Hussein family.
I am not sure if it is the author's training as a doctor, his struggles with recovering from his stroke, or a little bit of both that give him the insight and perspective to explore his journey in the way he does, but I was drawn into the story and the writing from the beginning. He doesn't tell us about his PTSD, but rather he shows how it affects him and his recovery, as well as how hard he struggles to push the memories down and keep them inside. He is also able to (somehow) make the reader understand the pull back to war and how it can be stronger than the thoughts of the family and his civilian life waiting for him at home.
Perhaps the most remarkable is how he depicts his recovery as a stroke victim - I felt the frustration of knowing what he used to be capable of, and the feeling of failure when his body and mind won't cooperate in the ways that he remembers. As I was reading this portion, I couldn't help but marvel that the man going through this recovery actually wrote the amazing book that I was reading.
Sometimes a book comes along that makes me wish I could give it more than 5 stars, because it truly seems deserving of more - on a scale of 1 to 5 this is a 7!
I just finished reading this book, and I am completely floored. Kerstetter 's telling of his journey is unlike anything that I have ever read before and the results are a truly remarkable book. I have read a lot of books that are memoirs centering around the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and this one brings a unique perspective to the journey, delivered through top-notch writing. The author's power as a gifted storyteller brings you in for a front row seat as he relives the most difficult parts of his life.
The book starts out with the author's early life, progressing up to the point where he becomes a doctor. Once a doctor, he finds himself bored with routine treatment and seeking experience with treating critical trauma patients, which ultimately leads him into military service. The book delves into areas I never thought about a soldier/doctor performing. Most notably, he is entrusted with overseeing the process of positively identifying high priority enemy targets (Uday and Qusay Hussein) post mortem, and the transfer of their remains back to the Hussein family.
I am not sure if it is the author's training as a doctor, his struggles with recovering from his stroke, or a little bit of both that give him the insight and perspective to explore his journey in the way he does, but I was drawn into the story and the writing from the beginning. He doesn't tell us about his PTSD, but rather he shows how it affects him and his recovery, as well as how hard he struggles to push the memories down and keep them inside. He is also able to (somehow) make the reader understand the pull back to war and how it can be stronger than the thoughts of the family and his civilian life waiting for him at home.
Perhaps the most remarkable is how he depicts his recovery as a stroke victim - I felt the frustration of knowing what he used to be capable of, and the feeling of failure when his body and mind won't cooperate in the ways that he remembers. As I was reading this portion, I couldn't help but marvel that the man going through this recovery actually wrote the amazing book that I was reading.
Sometimes a book comes along that makes me wish I could give it more than 5 stars, because it truly seems deserving of more - on a scale of 1 to 5 this is a 7!
November 7, 2017
Very informative and moving in places. Dr. Kerstetter is very knowledgeable and the stories he told about Iraq were fascinating. I was impressed that he was able to recall such detail. Though this is obviously a memoir about him and his life, I would have liked to hear more about his wife, Collin.
She was willing to move around the country while he did his med school internships. She was often alone with a small child while he was in medical school. When he deployed, she was left behind to care for 4 children. When he fell ill, she drove him to his appointments and suffered at his side. She's the other hero in this story. At times, he seemed callous and unfeeling regarding his family and being away. I have mixed feelings about that, but overall, a solid memoir.
She was willing to move around the country while he did his med school internships. She was often alone with a small child while he was in medical school. When he deployed, she was left behind to care for 4 children. When he fell ill, she drove him to his appointments and suffered at his side. She's the other hero in this story. At times, he seemed callous and unfeeling regarding his family and being away. I have mixed feelings about that, but overall, a solid memoir.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 1, 2017
"Crossings" is subtitled "A Doctor-Soldier's Story," but there's much more to it than that. It chronicles Jon Kerstetter's service as a flight surgeon in Iraq, but it also tells the story of his whole life, in which his tours in Iraq are just a small part.
The son of a single mother from the Oneida reservation, Kerstetter dreamed of becoming a doctor from childhood, but had to overcome a series of obstacles first. In college he was steered away from medicine, because, he was told, Native students couldn't handle the coursework. He only ended up going to medical school more than a decade later. He was also initially steered away from the military, finally enlisting in the National Guard at an age when many soldiers are already eligible to retire.
Once there, though, he found his calling in emergency medicine, often in areas in crisis. He discusses how he was drawn to high-adrenaline environments where he could make a difference, volunteering to go first to Rwanda following the genocide there, and then to the Balkans. While his experiences there were humbling, he also found them rewarding, and welcomed the chance to go to Iraq and use his skills there.
Some of Kerstetter's experiences in Iraq were truly bizarre, and must be read to be believed, but the real adventure begins when he returns home and has to deal with a myriad of crippling health problems. The fact that he completed the book at all is a testament to his will to succeed.
"Crossings" refers to the different border crossings, physical, psychological, and spiritual, that Kerstetter makes throughout his life, as he transitions from poor kid from the res to doctor and soldier and then to patient. The prose style is for the most part simple and direct--Kerstetter writes like the doctor and soldier he considers himself to be--but some of his meditations on the changes he undergoes in his life are profound, and will probably resonate with many doctors, soldiers, and patients dealing with life-altering conditions. An affecting story about an interesting life.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing a review copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
The son of a single mother from the Oneida reservation, Kerstetter dreamed of becoming a doctor from childhood, but had to overcome a series of obstacles first. In college he was steered away from medicine, because, he was told, Native students couldn't handle the coursework. He only ended up going to medical school more than a decade later. He was also initially steered away from the military, finally enlisting in the National Guard at an age when many soldiers are already eligible to retire.
Once there, though, he found his calling in emergency medicine, often in areas in crisis. He discusses how he was drawn to high-adrenaline environments where he could make a difference, volunteering to go first to Rwanda following the genocide there, and then to the Balkans. While his experiences there were humbling, he also found them rewarding, and welcomed the chance to go to Iraq and use his skills there.
Some of Kerstetter's experiences in Iraq were truly bizarre, and must be read to be believed, but the real adventure begins when he returns home and has to deal with a myriad of crippling health problems. The fact that he completed the book at all is a testament to his will to succeed.
"Crossings" refers to the different border crossings, physical, psychological, and spiritual, that Kerstetter makes throughout his life, as he transitions from poor kid from the res to doctor and soldier and then to patient. The prose style is for the most part simple and direct--Kerstetter writes like the doctor and soldier he considers himself to be--but some of his meditations on the changes he undergoes in his life are profound, and will probably resonate with many doctors, soldiers, and patients dealing with life-altering conditions. An affecting story about an interesting life.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing a review copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
June 15, 2019
Gritty, shocking, beautiful, moving, real. These are just a few of the words that come to mind when trying to review this book.
Jon Kerstetter takes us from the poverty and struggles of his childhood, to his fascination with medicine. We travel with him as he navigates his 20s and 30s, setting aside his medical dreams for a safe and steady job as he struggles to support his family. We cheer him on as he finally pursues his life-long passion: medicine.
But then we learn that being an ER doctor isn’t as satisfying as he hoped it would be. Enter the Army National Guard and 9/11. The war pieces of the story are so real. Some pages I’d be rolling my eyes at the boy humor other pages I had tears rolling down my cheeks at the suffering and still others had me staring off in shock as I tried to process what I was reading. These parts are difficult, raw and not for the faint of heart.
(Trigger warning: graphic war violence).
Then one dark night in the Iraqi desert, Jon makes a careless, impulsive (yet understandable) decision that transforms the rest of his life. One of those “if only” moments that would crush lesser humans.
Before he can really understand what’s happened, he has crossed over from doctor to patient. No less compelling, we again struggle with Jon as the very fabric of his identity is shredded and he has to come to grips with the age-old question, “who am I?”
Upon finishing this book, I was even more in awe that it had even been written in the first place. I have so much respect for Jon Kerstetter. He continually fights against boundaries that most people would knock up against and stay behind. He figures out how to cross them.
Disclaimer:
As a long term Iowan, I felt a closer connection to this book than I otherwise might have. Dr. Kerstetter talks about Iowa City, the University of Iowa Hospitals and St. Luke’s in Cedar Rapids. In the acknowledgements section, I discovered we even share the same physical therapist! (Andy G. really is the BEST)!
Another Disclaimer:
My sister, who worked for the NGB at the time, was responsible for deploying soldier doctors on rotation to Iraq and Afghanistan. She distinctly remembers Dr. Kerstetter because he volunteered for redeployment rather than waiting for orders.
Jon Kerstetter takes us from the poverty and struggles of his childhood, to his fascination with medicine. We travel with him as he navigates his 20s and 30s, setting aside his medical dreams for a safe and steady job as he struggles to support his family. We cheer him on as he finally pursues his life-long passion: medicine.
But then we learn that being an ER doctor isn’t as satisfying as he hoped it would be. Enter the Army National Guard and 9/11. The war pieces of the story are so real. Some pages I’d be rolling my eyes at the boy humor other pages I had tears rolling down my cheeks at the suffering and still others had me staring off in shock as I tried to process what I was reading. These parts are difficult, raw and not for the faint of heart.
(Trigger warning: graphic war violence).
Then one dark night in the Iraqi desert, Jon makes a careless, impulsive (yet understandable) decision that transforms the rest of his life. One of those “if only” moments that would crush lesser humans.
Before he can really understand what’s happened, he has crossed over from doctor to patient. No less compelling, we again struggle with Jon as the very fabric of his identity is shredded and he has to come to grips with the age-old question, “who am I?”
Upon finishing this book, I was even more in awe that it had even been written in the first place. I have so much respect for Jon Kerstetter. He continually fights against boundaries that most people would knock up against and stay behind. He figures out how to cross them.
Disclaimer:
As a long term Iowan, I felt a closer connection to this book than I otherwise might have. Dr. Kerstetter talks about Iowa City, the University of Iowa Hospitals and St. Luke’s in Cedar Rapids. In the acknowledgements section, I discovered we even share the same physical therapist! (Andy G. really is the BEST)!
Another Disclaimer:
My sister, who worked for the NGB at the time, was responsible for deploying soldier doctors on rotation to Iraq and Afghanistan. She distinctly remembers Dr. Kerstetter because he volunteered for redeployment rather than waiting for orders.
April 11, 2022
"Crossings, a Doctor-Soldier's Story", by Dr. Jon Kerstetter, was a book I probably would not have picked up if it hadn't been chosen for our monthly book club. The book details the story of a youngish man who was at the top of his game in the business world but who always had a desire to become a physician. He made that leap, moving into trauma/ER medicine, a move that gave him focus when he decided to enlist in the Army where he ultimately become a flight surgeon with three deployments to Rwanda, Kosovo, and Bosnia. The accounts of his work with the wounded and the dying are intense and moving.
After being injured while on duty, he had to return stateside for surgery. An small aneurysm was found that necessitated further tests. During the time of testing, Dr. Kerstetter had a stroke that changed his life and the lives of his family members. Part of his therapy was writing this book.
The book is essentially in two parts: as a doctor in the Army and as a stroke patient. He does a remarkable job in sharing why he wanted to be an ER doctor and then a military doc. His stories of his military career and treating those on his watch are descriptive and gives the reader an almost "you-are-there" feeling.
The second part of the book, that of having symptoms, determining what he was experiencing before seeing his doctors, and then the frustrations and worries about all that this stroke could entail are forthright and intense in their descriptions as well.
This book is, I think, an essential part of anyone's bookshelves who are interested in dealing with crises on the front lines, the way physicians help their patients while protecting themselves, and then dealing with their own issues upon returning home.
After being injured while on duty, he had to return stateside for surgery. An small aneurysm was found that necessitated further tests. During the time of testing, Dr. Kerstetter had a stroke that changed his life and the lives of his family members. Part of his therapy was writing this book.
The book is essentially in two parts: as a doctor in the Army and as a stroke patient. He does a remarkable job in sharing why he wanted to be an ER doctor and then a military doc. His stories of his military career and treating those on his watch are descriptive and gives the reader an almost "you-are-there" feeling.
The second part of the book, that of having symptoms, determining what he was experiencing before seeing his doctors, and then the frustrations and worries about all that this stroke could entail are forthright and intense in their descriptions as well.
This book is, I think, an essential part of anyone's bookshelves who are interested in dealing with crises on the front lines, the way physicians help their patients while protecting themselves, and then dealing with their own issues upon returning home.
November 5, 2017
Crossings is a great autobiography by Dr. Jon R. Kerstetter who faced immeasurable odds all his life and presents his drive and determination to overcome them. Jon Kerstetter was born and raised during his early years on the Oneida Indian Reservation in Wisconsin. Jon and his brother and sister were raised by his mother, a single parent, in what most would describe as extreme poverty. Jon was stricken by diphtheria at an early age and was treated by a very kind and compassionate physician who treated Jon at home. It was this experience that made Jon want to become a medical doctor, an almost impossible dream for anyone in Jon’s circumstances. Jon Kerstetter overcame these odds, graduating from Mayo Medical School in 1988. After additional training, Jon served as an emergency room physician during his early years of medical practice. However, Dr. Kerstetter felt the need to serve humanity and takes you along with him for tours in Rwanda, Bosnia, and Kosovo and hurricane disaster in Honduras. He served three tours with the U.S. Army as a combat physician and flight surgeon and provides the reader with the raw emotions involved in the difficult decisions combat soldier doctors often had to make. Facing hard challenges all his life, perhaps the most difficult one was the recovery and rehabilitation from an injury on active duty and a stroke when jeopardized his military and medical career. After reading this autobiography, I am amazed at the strength of Dr. Kerstetter’s resolve to overcome all the obstacles he faced in his life.
July 18, 2017
I received this book by entering a Goodreads giveaway. I entered the giveaway because the book blurb seemed intriguing- the goals of a doctor and of a soldier are diametrically opposed. One takes lives and the other tries to save lives. A memoir discussing the conflicts between the two seemed worth checking out.
I struggled to finish this book. Usually a book this length is something I read in 2 days, not 2 weeks. I found myself doing anything other than picking up this book - checking email, playing solitaire, even doing the dishes. They were all more appealing than reading this book. It was only my compulsion to finish every book I start that caused me to plow through and finish.
Once I got to the part of the book where the author suffers a major stroke, I felt like a jerk for critiquing the book and finding it poorly written and organized. If I had known that fact from the beginning I would have cut him more slack. I mean, as a book written by someone who suffered a stroke less than 10 years ago and lost the ability to read and write, this memoir deserves a 4 or 5 star rating. It's impressive he could recover enough to write this. However, if I am not grading on a curve then the memoir earns 1 or 2 stars. I give it 2 stars for having an fascinating premise. It's the execution of the premise that is no good. Just because someone has lived a compelling life doesn't automatically make them a good writer.
I struggled to finish this book. Usually a book this length is something I read in 2 days, not 2 weeks. I found myself doing anything other than picking up this book - checking email, playing solitaire, even doing the dishes. They were all more appealing than reading this book. It was only my compulsion to finish every book I start that caused me to plow through and finish.
Once I got to the part of the book where the author suffers a major stroke, I felt like a jerk for critiquing the book and finding it poorly written and organized. If I had known that fact from the beginning I would have cut him more slack. I mean, as a book written by someone who suffered a stroke less than 10 years ago and lost the ability to read and write, this memoir deserves a 4 or 5 star rating. It's impressive he could recover enough to write this. However, if I am not grading on a curve then the memoir earns 1 or 2 stars. I give it 2 stars for having an fascinating premise. It's the execution of the premise that is no good. Just because someone has lived a compelling life doesn't automatically make them a good writer.
December 14, 2017
A lesson in perserverance, unselfish sacrifice and bravery!
I'm a non intellectual who loves to read about super achievers and their successes. I come from a family with a few of those types. A medical doctor, a couple of dentists, a clinical psychologist and a biomedical research scientist, I'm their uncle. A former combat (infantry) soldier, who did a 16 month tour in Vietnam and Cambodia and retired from a career in law enforcement. I watched my nieces and nephews meet the challenges both physically and mentally to aspire and meet their academic and professional goals. One of them, a dentist, is currently in the Air Force stationed in Manheim Germany. Dr. Kerstetter's story gave me a lot of insight into what a human being can achieve through desire and self motivation. His sacrifice and unselfish commitment to serve as a combat Doctor saving lives, when he could have comfortably stayed home with his family and practiced medicine never to experience danger. Then to have him tell about his medical and physical challenges that eventually ended his career as a Doctor and how he went through therapy and struggled to gain back a somewhat normal life. It is an inspiring story that I'm sure is an inspiration to those who have been confronted with similar challenges.
I'm a non intellectual who loves to read about super achievers and their successes. I come from a family with a few of those types. A medical doctor, a couple of dentists, a clinical psychologist and a biomedical research scientist, I'm their uncle. A former combat (infantry) soldier, who did a 16 month tour in Vietnam and Cambodia and retired from a career in law enforcement. I watched my nieces and nephews meet the challenges both physically and mentally to aspire and meet their academic and professional goals. One of them, a dentist, is currently in the Air Force stationed in Manheim Germany. Dr. Kerstetter's story gave me a lot of insight into what a human being can achieve through desire and self motivation. His sacrifice and unselfish commitment to serve as a combat Doctor saving lives, when he could have comfortably stayed home with his family and practiced medicine never to experience danger. Then to have him tell about his medical and physical challenges that eventually ended his career as a Doctor and how he went through therapy and struggled to gain back a somewhat normal life. It is an inspiring story that I'm sure is an inspiration to those who have been confronted with similar challenges.
October 11, 2017
Crossings by Jon Kerstetter
I was so deeply touched by this book that it has taken some time to define my feelings and write about the book. I have never been to war, so the Prologue, which contains some very descriptive battle scenes, almost caused me to stop. I am so very glad I didn't stop reading. I loved the way he described gruesome scenes with a poetic flourish. The first chapter was about his childhood as an Oneida Indian. We learn of the determination of his mother to get a better life for her children. This explains the author's determination to become an emergency surgeon as a non-traditional med student at the Mayo Clinic.
His travels and tours to help war torn people are amazing. He is a master at choosing a perfect (and disturbing) scene to relate quickly, just what devastation he saw and dealt with.
The last chapters follow his own injuries and recovery were what touched me so deeply, because I have experienced something vaguely similar. His determination carried him through and the recovery resulted in publishing this book.
If there is something you have always meant to do in your life, read this and see an example of how determination and hard work can change your life.
I was so deeply touched by this book that it has taken some time to define my feelings and write about the book. I have never been to war, so the Prologue, which contains some very descriptive battle scenes, almost caused me to stop. I am so very glad I didn't stop reading. I loved the way he described gruesome scenes with a poetic flourish. The first chapter was about his childhood as an Oneida Indian. We learn of the determination of his mother to get a better life for her children. This explains the author's determination to become an emergency surgeon as a non-traditional med student at the Mayo Clinic.
His travels and tours to help war torn people are amazing. He is a master at choosing a perfect (and disturbing) scene to relate quickly, just what devastation he saw and dealt with.
The last chapters follow his own injuries and recovery were what touched me so deeply, because I have experienced something vaguely similar. His determination carried him through and the recovery resulted in publishing this book.
If there is something you have always meant to do in your life, read this and see an example of how determination and hard work can change your life.
September 25, 2018
Growing up on an Indian reservation, Kerstetter understood the meaning of boundaries and was determined not to be defined by them. Breaking free of societal expectations he excelled in every aspect of his life, going from college graduate to business executive to a medical doctor at the age of 37. Frustrated by the mundane cases passing through his ER, Kerstetter yearned to do more with his life and at the age of 42, he was commissioned in the Iowa National guard as a flight surgeon. His career as a military doctor took him to many foreign lands, conflicts and wars. Yet at the peak of his career, a stroke put an end to the life he had known, leaving him in pain and with many deficits. His next chapter would be the soul-crushing battle to recover and reclaim his identity.
This beautifully written memoir takes us through an amazing and somewhat improbable life while trying to explain the complex and contradictory relationship between killing and healing. “It’s natural and unnatural, that genetic code, to know as much about killing as healing, to listen for sounds of bullets in one moment and then listen for the sounds of the wounded in the next…pull a trigger, pack a wound,” writes the author. Indeed.
This beautifully written memoir takes us through an amazing and somewhat improbable life while trying to explain the complex and contradictory relationship between killing and healing. “It’s natural and unnatural, that genetic code, to know as much about killing as healing, to listen for sounds of bullets in one moment and then listen for the sounds of the wounded in the next…pull a trigger, pack a wound,” writes the author. Indeed.
September 28, 2017
I was excited to read Dr. Kerstetter’s memoir given my own connections to the military (my father was in the navy) and the medical field (my mother’s entire career has been in medicine). I thought my deepest connections to this book would be via these avenues through my own parents, but I was so incredibly wrong. This book could have been a message on resilience, but even more than that I connected to Dr. Kerstetter’s hunger for MORE. He constantly pushed himself, for fear of complacency or to feed his inner drive, regardless of the motives, I connected to him deeply throughout this book. The latter portion of this book is dedicated to Jon’s recovery and realization that, as a result of his stroke, he would no longer be able to practice medicine or serve in the military. To be ripped of such a huge part of one’s identity is unfathomable, but Dr. Kerstetter allows the reader to see the truth in his struggle. A very impressive 4 star read!
For the full review, please visit: https://fortheloveofthepageblog.wordp...
For the full review, please visit: https://fortheloveofthepageblog.wordp...
November 18, 2019
I have never read a book like this before. I was not sure if I would like it, but really did. It is written by a Native American. As a small boy he decided he wanted to be a doctor. He did go to college and graduated with a business degree. After marriage and working in this field, he decided to go to medical school. He finish Medical school and became an ER doctor. He decided to join the Army and did three tours in Iraq. He was the most determined person I have ever read about. His last challenge was recovering from a stroke. It took years of therapy, but realized he could never be a Doctor again. He was encouraged to go back to graduate school and graduated with a Masters Degree. This book was another challenging undertaking but he did it. I highly recommend this book. It is real and well written.
January 3, 2020
Not all heroes wear capes. Jon Kerstetter is an amazing man who has done amazing things and has been in amazing circumstances. How does a Native American child living on a reservation end up a Doctor-soldier in Iraq overseeing the forensics of Saddam Hussein’s sons? How does he crossover from a doctor to a patient? And is this not the bravest action of all? This is a truly inspiring story about a man’s perseverance and determination to achieve his goals in life to do something to help the greater good and become a better person.
This book touched upon the real life effects of war, including PTSD. Kerstetter does a great job of explaining the situations he was in and is able to describe what it’s like as a patient with a physician background.
This book touched upon the real life effects of war, including PTSD. Kerstetter does a great job of explaining the situations he was in and is able to describe what it’s like as a patient with a physician background.
November 2, 2021
I picked this book up after multiple people recommended it to me. Like the author I am also a military ER physician who came to medicine later in life. That is where the similarities end. Reading this book was like an uncomfortable journey into the mind of a narcissist who imagines that they are the hero of every story. His handling for his family, his patients, and his own mental health left me feeling sorry for everyone involved, yet the writing was such that he was supposed to be portrayed as a hero ala the way the Joker views himself in the Joaquin Phoenix film.
Perhaps my reaction is on me. I went in with the expectations of reading something that reminded me of myself, but that never came. I kept waiting for it to get better, but was left with an uncomfortable feeling for weeks.
Perhaps my reaction is on me. I went in with the expectations of reading something that reminded me of myself, but that never came. I kept waiting for it to get better, but was left with an uncomfortable feeling for weeks.
March 29, 2018
The author wrote this book so well that it transported me into the situations he experienced. During the first two thirds of the book, it seemed as if I were the one having his childhood, his education and his military life, but with his courage and will rather than my own. I became a vicarious adrenaline junky, even though that is hardly in my nature.
Unfortunately, because of that same powerful writing, I had to face the healing of his mental and physical war wounds with the same frustration and boredom he did. I didn't enjoy that. So it's the reason I gave the book 4 rather than 5 stars. Perhaps that was unfair.
Unfortunately, because of that same powerful writing, I had to face the healing of his mental and physical war wounds with the same frustration and boredom he did. I didn't enjoy that. So it's the reason I gave the book 4 rather than 5 stars. Perhaps that was unfair.
January 7, 2018
Read via ARC.
I was thoroughly riveted through first 75% of this book. Truly a remarkable story and one that needs to be told. I will be recommending it to other whom I know have an interest in this vein of literature.
I cannot hold it against the author regarding my perception of tone; however, the latter portion was not as appealing. These experiences lacked the depth that was initially so enticing. I would imagine that some editing could make more cohesive portions which I perceived as disjointed.
I was thoroughly riveted through first 75% of this book. Truly a remarkable story and one that needs to be told. I will be recommending it to other whom I know have an interest in this vein of literature.
I cannot hold it against the author regarding my perception of tone; however, the latter portion was not as appealing. These experiences lacked the depth that was initially so enticing. I would imagine that some editing could make more cohesive portions which I perceived as disjointed.
September 3, 2017
CROSSINGS is a memoir by a medical doctor/soldier who battles more than PTSD when he get back to the States. Particularly interesting and insightful were the author’s three tours of duty in Iraq. He described the war with such clarity that you felt as though you were serving alongside him. But most moving were the author’s struggles to redefine his life after a stroke… relinquishing his doctor/soldier identities and taking on a new role – that of a writer… and a good one at that. My thanks to Penguin First to Read for the Advance Reader Copy.
May 12, 2019
Excellent portrayal of the horrors of war written by a U. S. Army Doctor who served in Kosovo, Rwanda, Bosnia, Honduras and completed three combat tours in Iraq. As a combat flight surgeon and stroke survivor Dr. Kerstetter pens an honest and painful account of his experiences in combat and after when he returned home.
A must read, in my opinion, if the reader wants to learn what war does to the warfighter.
A must read, in my opinion, if the reader wants to learn what war does to the warfighter.
September 30, 2019
On page 13 I thought "Wow. This man can write!" It is not until the end of the book that I understand how profound and how poignant that thought was. He had to undergo many obstacles to be able to even use a computer to write this book.
Some of the content was not particularly pleasing - war and pain and suffering - and especially the way the author treated his wife. But the writing itself is exquisite.
Some of the content was not particularly pleasing - war and pain and suffering - and especially the way the author treated his wife. But the writing itself is exquisite.
August 5, 2017
An unforgettable memoir from childhood to his tours of duty Dr,Jon Kerstetter led an amazing life.Hevshares with up hisvOneida birthplace his tours of duty &the hardest life challenge.Jon suffers strokes returns home to face life with na new set of challenges,A very brace man a compelling life story,Thanks goodreads,
February 19, 2019
Could not finish this. I thank the author for serving our country, but it doesn't stop me from simply not liking this guy. His wife didn't sign up for him serving like he had. Kudos to her for sticking with him. I am happy that I did not. To many good books to read to be stuck in one you don't like. Needed to be much shorter as well.
October 11, 2018
This book was chosen by my new book club and the author will be present at our next meeting. It is a tale of conflicting identities (doctor versus soldier) and how the author had to forge a new identity when injury took away the old ones.
June 11, 2019
This is a beautiful and powerful story of the complexity of war and the resilience of the human spirit in the face of significant trauma. Jon is a powerhouse of courage and will. He has a tremendous story to tell.
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