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Don't harass her about parasailing or taking Italian language courses. Forget about suggesting she join a gym. Marie Sharp may be a little creaky in the bones as she heads toward the big 6-0, but she's fine with it. She would rather do without all the moving-to-Florida-bicycling-across- Mongolia-for-the-hell-of-it hoopla that her friends insist upon. She's already led an exciting life: She came of age in the 1960s, after all. Now, with both a new grandchild and a new man on the horizon, all she wants to do is make the most of what she considers the most interesting stage of her life. In this wonderfully astute novel based on the author's own experiences, No! I Don't Want to Join a Book Club is the funny--and often poignant--fictionalized diary of an older woman . . . a decade or two past her prime and content to leave it all behind her. So don't tell her to take a gourmet cooking class, and whatever you do, don't you dare tell her to join a book club. Fresh and truly unique, moving gracefully on in years has never been more hilarious than in this forthright grandma's take on the "third phase" of life.
231 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2006
I said I would be sixty in a few months, and couldn't wait.
"Yes," said Mrs. Glasses-on-Strings, trying to ingratiate herself with me. "You're only as old as you feel. Sixty years young!"
"Sixty going on twenty!" said the therapist.
"I really can't agree," I said. "If you're sixty, you're sixty. Sixty is old. I am just longing to be old, and I don't want to be told I'm young, when I'm not. ... When I was twenty, sixty was old, when I was thirty, forty and fifty, sixty was still old. I'm not going to change the goal posts now."
"I'm sixty," said Marion ... "But I don't feel a day over thirty!"
"But, Marion, don't you realize that that's tragic?" I said. "To continue feeling thirty for the whole of you life! So boring! A nightmare! I'm longing to feel sixty! What's wrong with that?"
"The great thing about age," said the therapist ... "Is that it's never too late. You can do so many things. Take an Open University degree, go bungee jumping, learn a new language..."
"But it is too late!" I argued. "That's what's so great about being old. You no longer have to think about going to university, or go bungee jumping! It's a huge release! I've been feeling guilty about not learning another language for most of my adult life. At least I find that now, being old, I don't have to! There aren't enough years left to speak it. It'd be pointless!"
"Well, I feel," said the therapist, defiantly, "that now I am sixty-five, anything is possible."
"I find, approaching sixty," I said, "that the great pleasure is that so many things are impossible. I think," I added, cruelly, putting my hand on his arm and smiling a great deal to pretend I meant no harm, "that you're in what you therapists call denial."
- p. 7-8.