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What It Looks Like
Eli Bell is the only son of a police chief inspector and a forensic scientist. He's grown up wonky in a world that only deals with the straight and narrow - and his new boyfriend isn't helping.
Rob Hawkes is six feet of muscle, tattoos, and arrest warrants. A career criminal and a former guest of Her Majesty's Prison Service, he'd rather hit Eli's parents than sit down to dinner with them. One wrong move, and Rob could destroy Eli - and his family - without a second thought.
But this isn't what it looks like.
Rob's not in control here - and Eli's the one to blame.
Rob Hawkes is six feet of muscle, tattoos, and arrest warrants. A career criminal and a former guest of Her Majesty's Prison Service, he'd rather hit Eli's parents than sit down to dinner with them. One wrong move, and Rob could destroy Eli - and his family - without a second thought.
But this isn't what it looks like.
Rob's not in control here - and Eli's the one to blame.
257 pages, Paperback
First published August 20, 2016
29 people are currently reading
1498 people want to read
About the author
Matthew J. Metzger
34 books351 followersMatthew is an asexual, transgender author from the wet and windy British Isles.
Matt writes LGBT novels, both adult and young adult, and particularly enjoys digging into the weird and wonderful diversity of people all across the sexuality and gender spectrums. When not writing, Matt is usually asleep, or crunching numbers at his day job. Free time is not really a concept here.
He is also owned by an enormous black cat. Approach with caution.
Matt writes LGBT novels, both adult and young adult, and particularly enjoys digging into the weird and wonderful diversity of people all across the sexuality and gender spectrums. When not writing, Matt is usually asleep, or crunching numbers at his day job. Free time is not really a concept here.
He is also owned by an enormous black cat. Approach with caution.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews
November 12, 2017
5 Stars.
Absolutely LOVED it.
I haven't come across this Author before and this one would probably have slipped under my radar if I hadn't read Sheziss's review I debated long and hard whether to put the main theme of the book in a spoiler as it's not mentioned in the blurb but it is mentioned in other reviews and I think it might determine whether or not you want to read it.
Eli is transgender going through transition.His own family have been less than supportive thinking,initially,it was just a phase he was going through and then just ignoring his needs and feelings.His father is a cop and his mother a forensic scientist and to say they are judgmental is an understatement.
Rob is, on face value, the stereotypical bad boy.Mean and Moody,covered in tattoos and has been in prison.In foster care from a young age him and his brother have had to grow up the hard way and he makes no apologies for it.
This is the first transgender book I've read and I could totally empathize with Eli.The emotional struggles he went through,the prejudices he faced,the fear of people finding out and judging him.But Rob sees past everything and just sees the man Eli is.The relationship between them was so beautiful at times but could turn ugly as Eli battles with loving Rob so much but also wanting to not completely turn his back on his family.
Anyone who knows me will know that BDSM really isn't my thing but this book totally worked for me and I think one of the reasons was the strong relationship between these two men.It's not the stereotypical D/s thing as they both switch.They are both so intune with each other that they know what the other one wants in certain situations.
It's,primarily,set in the North of England(where I'm from) and the humour and dialogue was spot on.
It's not all sunshine and roses at all.They bicker,fight and have so many obstacles in their way but if ever two men were meant to be together,these two were.
I loved everything about it!!
Absolutely LOVED it.
I haven't come across this Author before and this one would probably have slipped under my radar if I hadn't read Sheziss's review I debated long and hard whether to put the main theme of the book in a spoiler as it's not mentioned in the blurb but it is mentioned in other reviews and I think it might determine whether or not you want to read it.
Eli is transgender going through transition.His own family have been less than supportive thinking,initially,it was just a phase he was going through and then just ignoring his needs and feelings.His father is a cop and his mother a forensic scientist and to say they are judgmental is an understatement.
Rob is, on face value, the stereotypical bad boy.Mean and Moody,covered in tattoos and has been in prison.In foster care from a young age him and his brother have had to grow up the hard way and he makes no apologies for it.
This is the first transgender book I've read and I could totally empathize with Eli.The emotional struggles he went through,the prejudices he faced,the fear of people finding out and judging him.But Rob sees past everything and just sees the man Eli is.The relationship between them was so beautiful at times but could turn ugly as Eli battles with loving Rob so much but also wanting to not completely turn his back on his family.
Anyone who knows me will know that BDSM really isn't my thing but this book totally worked for me and I think one of the reasons was the strong relationship between these two men.It's not the stereotypical D/s thing as they both switch.They are both so intune with each other that they know what the other one wants in certain situations.
It's,primarily,set in the North of England(where I'm from) and the humour and dialogue was spot on.
It's not all sunshine and roses at all.They bicker,fight and have so many obstacles in their way but if ever two men were meant to be together,these two were.
I loved everything about it!!
February 7, 2017
*4.5 stars*
I have SO much to say about this book. SO MUCH.
Frankly, it wasn't at all what I was expecting. From reading a few reviews, I already knew that this book had a trans MC. Before you ask, no, I don't think that detail should be considered a spoiler. For one, it is an important aspect of the book that is revealed early on, and it is exactly what drew me to the book in the first place. I actively seek out books with trans MCs, and they are not exactly easy to find. Matthew J. Metzger is a new-to-me author, and I might not have given him a chance without knowing that aspect of the story.
That being said, I really knew very little about the bones of the book, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if I would have tried it if I had. But I'm insanely happy that I did.
Here are some important details of the book to take into consideration:
- This book is raw. I mean, really rough, crude and RAW. I'm talking slang, cursing, and casual dropping of the "F" and "R" words from all the MCs. Drug dealing, violence, and non-stop F-bombs. My little PC, liberal, doesn't-cuss heart was a little pearl-clutchy, until I realized how FABULOUS it was to read a book with a trans MC that wasn't so super-scrubbed and totally politically correct that it read as trying too hard. This book felt finally, FINALLY real. Every single word wasn't dissected and given the "won't offend" treatment before publication.
- This book is really, really British-sounding. And not the fancy British. There was a lot of slang and accents reflected in the writing style, and I had to read certain sentences a few times to understand them. However, I grew to love that about the story. It gave the book a sense of place and atmosphere that is hard to come by in most stories.
- This book is kinky. And not the kind of kinky I'm usually into. I'm not really a physical punishment kind of kinkster, with the exception of spankings, but this book had a more... rough BDSM perspective. It was more into restraints and impact play than I usually enjoy, but I sort of went with those scenes and took them for what they were. No judgement.
I also thought it was really bad-ass that the smaller, trans guy tended to be more toppy. Loved that, and I loved that it busted some stereotypes.
- This book is sexy. For some reason, I assumed because the author is asexual that the writing would be, well, less sexy. This is not the case. Often, I loathe the world of social media and author-reader interaction because it leads me to believe, many times without merit, certain things about an author. This book had some dirty verbal scenes, and I loved the author for them.
"I can fuck you stupid," he grunted, "but end of the day, your arse if there for me. It belongs to me. I can fuck you right open until you're covered in it. Until you reek of sex and sweat and cum. And no fucker else gets to do this to you. Gets to see just how much you can fucking gag for it when you're ready-"
Um, YES PLEASE!!!
- This book is angsty and has lots of drama. SO ANGSTY. And there is tons, and I mean TONS of family drama. In fact, I'd say that the majority of the book is kink and family drama. There is tension, physical violence, drunken brawls, illegal activity, and ANGST. Rob had a horrible past full of abuse, and Eli has years of wanting and lacking acceptance from his family. DRAMA. Be warned.
- This book is incredibly moving. In between all the cursing and the kink and the sex, there is so much emotional realness there. The relationship between Eli and Rob isn't what I would want for myself (fighting and drama isn't my bag), but I truly understood the depth of what they did for each other. Rob is such an amazing character. Rough on the outside, but I loved how he had squishy bits that peeked out every once in awhile. He was fully formed and brilliantly realized.
My only real complaint about the story, other than it not being my usual fare (nothing to do with the trans aspect, which is actually kind of my usual fare), is that the editing could had been a lot tighter. I noticed a bunch of mistakes, which always takes me out of the story.
If you are on the fence about this one, hop right off it. This is the trans story I've been waiting for.
I have SO much to say about this book. SO MUCH.
Frankly, it wasn't at all what I was expecting. From reading a few reviews, I already knew that this book had a trans MC. Before you ask, no, I don't think that detail should be considered a spoiler. For one, it is an important aspect of the book that is revealed early on, and it is exactly what drew me to the book in the first place. I actively seek out books with trans MCs, and they are not exactly easy to find. Matthew J. Metzger is a new-to-me author, and I might not have given him a chance without knowing that aspect of the story.
That being said, I really knew very little about the bones of the book, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if I would have tried it if I had. But I'm insanely happy that I did.
Here are some important details of the book to take into consideration:
- This book is raw. I mean, really rough, crude and RAW. I'm talking slang, cursing, and casual dropping of the "F" and "R" words from all the MCs. Drug dealing, violence, and non-stop F-bombs. My little PC, liberal, doesn't-cuss heart was a little pearl-clutchy, until I realized how FABULOUS it was to read a book with a trans MC that wasn't so super-scrubbed and totally politically correct that it read as trying too hard. This book felt finally, FINALLY real. Every single word wasn't dissected and given the "won't offend" treatment before publication.
- This book is really, really British-sounding. And not the fancy British. There was a lot of slang and accents reflected in the writing style, and I had to read certain sentences a few times to understand them. However, I grew to love that about the story. It gave the book a sense of place and atmosphere that is hard to come by in most stories.
- This book is kinky. And not the kind of kinky I'm usually into. I'm not really a physical punishment kind of kinkster, with the exception of spankings, but this book had a more... rough BDSM perspective. It was more into restraints and impact play than I usually enjoy, but I sort of went with those scenes and took them for what they were. No judgement.
I also thought it was really bad-ass that the smaller, trans guy tended to be more toppy. Loved that, and I loved that it busted some stereotypes.
- This book is sexy. For some reason, I assumed because the author is asexual that the writing would be, well, less sexy. This is not the case. Often, I loathe the world of social media and author-reader interaction because it leads me to believe, many times without merit, certain things about an author. This book had some dirty verbal scenes, and I loved the author for them.
"I can fuck you stupid," he grunted, "but end of the day, your arse if there for me. It belongs to me. I can fuck you right open until you're covered in it. Until you reek of sex and sweat and cum. And no fucker else gets to do this to you. Gets to see just how much you can fucking gag for it when you're ready-"
Um, YES PLEASE!!!
- This book is angsty and has lots of drama. SO ANGSTY. And there is tons, and I mean TONS of family drama. In fact, I'd say that the majority of the book is kink and family drama. There is tension, physical violence, drunken brawls, illegal activity, and ANGST. Rob had a horrible past full of abuse, and Eli has years of wanting and lacking acceptance from his family. DRAMA. Be warned.
- This book is incredibly moving. In between all the cursing and the kink and the sex, there is so much emotional realness there. The relationship between Eli and Rob isn't what I would want for myself (fighting and drama isn't my bag), but I truly understood the depth of what they did for each other. Rob is such an amazing character. Rough on the outside, but I loved how he had squishy bits that peeked out every once in awhile. He was fully formed and brilliantly realized.
My only real complaint about the story, other than it not being my usual fare (nothing to do with the trans aspect, which is actually kind of my usual fare), is that the editing could had been a lot tighter. I noticed a bunch of mistakes, which always takes me out of the story.
If you are on the fence about this one, hop right off it. This is the trans story I've been waiting for.
October 5, 2016
One of my favorite reads of this year. This book is awesome. Period.
My first reaction when reading the first pages of this book was feeling the irresistible temptation of hitting myself in the head with a rock.
Hard.
Yes, I’ve always been a little extreme.
See, Metzger is not a new author for me. I read one of his books a long time ago, Vivaldi in the Dark, and fell in love with his style. But, for some stupid reason, I didn’t stay true to my promise, and I kept letting him pass.
Again and again.
When I finally decided to give him a chance, it was because of the cover and the blurb, which sounded kind of fun and sarcastic and the prospect of lots of sexy scenes seemed to be quaranteed.
Those were stupid motives, I do know that now.
This book is of the special kind.
Not of the shallow laugh-and-forget kind.
I can’t begin to describe how perfect this is. It reminds me of my dear Stockholm Syndrome, by Richard Rider, and that sounds the opposite of reassuring, I know. Only this is a much more balanced (and healthier) relationship. Shocking as it is, the characters really do play the part, they are really good for each other, make each other feel safe and cherished and loved and valued.
It was painfully obvious, this constant ache and yearning.
And still it was so funny and it only complied me to keep reading and reading.
I think that’s the best thing you can say about a book. That you are so into the characters’ skin, into the narrator’s voice, that your life stops existing for those hours in which everything is just… perfect.
No, it’s not yoga.
Something funny happened to me here. I’d never read a transgender story before. It’s not that I have a tendency to avoid them (but I do), but I never dared to make the big step. I supposed it wasn’t my cuppa, for the same reason mystery or cross-dressing are not my cuppa. Here I didn’t expect the topic to arise (yes, I know, I should read the blurbs more closely, but in the end I focus on what the story makes me feel rather than what it’s really about, once the doubts are silenced) so when Eli speaks the truth I was as stupefied as the next man. But everything began to make sense. The author subtly led me to the idea that something was not entirely “average” about Eli, but no explanation was provided until very far into the story. When that “little” fact was uncovered, it was a surprise, but it was not a shock.
So my cherry popped in the sweetest of ways, without me looking for it, and without forcing the situation in the least.
A few months ago I met a little boy with gender dysphoria. It was one of the most precious and profound interviews I have ever seen, I could barely breathe with what I was hearing and seeing, and it made me aware how amazing being a child psychiatrist is. It’s an art, you have to avoid all kind of explicit questions, you apparently go around in circles “guiding” the kid so to make him speak his mind by his own accord. That is the way it’s done with abuse cases, too. Inserting ideas in a child can lead to the creation of untrue facts and that can be proof enough to dismiss the whole denunciation.
Anyway, in this occasion it was the other way around. She felt like a girl. She wanted to be a Frozen princess, like half the girls her age. She wanted to have long hair in order to get it braided. All her friends in pre-school were girls. Her bedroom was pink. She said her boyish name was ok, but she would prefer a Disney girl name. She was too young to really gasp the reality of what she was experiencing but she already knew something was not entirely alright with herself.
I do know the conflict is much more meaningful than that, but the signals were there already, at such an early age. There was little doubt about it, after a whole year of appointments. Her mother was very understanding and wanted to make all the process of growing up the most natural and the least traumatic possible for the kid. She was scared but determined. The father was not that accepting. They were in divorce proceedings.
She was beautiful, and I only wanted to hug her. Not just because of some sort of maternal instinct or whatever (although I must admit there are very cute kids out there), but because immediately afterwards, I was sad. I just remembered the news of a 17-year-old trans who commited suicide a few months before because she couldn’t bear all the bullying at school. She had had the complete support of her mother and had already gone through the breast surgery, but she never managed to complete her transition.
So I felt hope that this time, this time everything would be alright. That the 17 teenager died, but that Frozen princess would come to the other side safe and sound.
Maybe I’m an over-sentimental fool, but that’s how I felt.
So this little gem was a gift in other senses of the word, too.
Harsh reality indeed, and this book doesn’t beat around the bush, which I appreciate. Eli suffered isolation if not rejection at school, and the situation at home is not ideal, either, as Eli’s parents still struggle with the fact their daughter is in fact a son. All of this takes a toll on Eli.
Rob is just the total opposite. Ro bis freedom and exhilaration and acceptance.
This book is also challenging in another aspect. Eli and Rob have been together for 6 months already. I don’t usually like books with relationships that are already stable. It’s not something I hate per se, it’s just that I usually don’t feel the connection, the “je ne sais quoi” that makes it believable and vital for me. This time I didn’t need any push nor explanation, I just let myself being carried by the words, by the dynamics of this unusual pair.
I was struck by Eli’s authencity. His serenity and his self-possession, his loyalty and his fierceness, his naughtier side and his sweet words. But also his wild façace and his claws when they need to be shown, to protect what is his, and to fight everything that comes between himself and Rob, even Rob himself. He's a voice to behold. His perspective was insightful and enlightening. I particulary loved his way of being kind towards Rob but with the necessary steel beneath to dominate the situation when it goes emotionally out of hand.
Because Rob is more vulnerable than it seems. It was one of the reasons why I loved him so much.
If I adored Eli, I was even more dumbfounded by this tattooed ex-con with a cause, rough around the edges, who has not led an easy life. Bad attitude, bad education, and bad vibes rolling off him, he’s not exactly the best choice to introduce to your parents, above all when they are both on the most righteous side of the law, chief policeman and forensic specialist, to be precise. Rob won my heart with his real self, the one hidden from the world. The one Eli sees and fell in love with.
Still, that was nothing to compare with Rob’s endless devotion and surrender when I finally got to know what Eli’s ‘weirdness’ is about. Even when the mystery is unfolded, there was still so much more space and time for surprise.
Nothing is what it looks like.
These two characters are joined together with super-glue and I couldn't see the extent of that, the botton of that. Because it floods and soakes everything they touch. They loved and lived for each other and there were no limits for that.
The BDSM aspect blowed my mind. It’s pretty hot the idea of the bad guy being the submissive, whereas the skinny trans guy mandhandles him when the mood strikes. But it was even better seeing how Rob worshippes Eli with all his might. He doesn’t understand the first thing about dysphoria, why Eli is so sick of his own body beyond not liking wearing high-heeled shoes. He just knows Eli feels like that, and, as he loves Eli, that’s just reason enough to believe in him, to comply and make his dreams come true, to support him no matter what, and to bend and protect him from whoever hurts him. To cherish him even though Eli doesn’t consider himself ‘himself’ yet.
Do not expect a sappy reading here, although there are loads of gentle moments and cuddling, and I’m a sweet-cuddling junkie. I was surprised by the amount of “fucks” and “fuck you” and “fuckings” I found. If you can’t stand word repetitions, this may fed you up. It seemed a Tarantino movie or a Guy Ritchie comedy. Rob is a bad-ass from a bad-ass background, and he is not shy in demonstrating this fact, he doesn’t precisely have a mouth filter or a non-impulsive mind. The same goes to his brother Danny, an interesting character I would have liked to know more about. I didn’t mind the “fucks” as much as the mobile phone messages, which sometimes gave me headaches trying to decipher them. I’m not trained enough to read hieroglyphs, mind you.
All in all, Rob prefers rubbing his bad-guy vibes in Eli’s parents’ faces rather than behaving as a polite boyfriend would in a family dinner. But Eli doesn’t let him cross certain limits. Not exactly a tight leash to make him act as someone he’s not, but he’s not scared of keeping him in line and deal with the consequences if Rob doesn’t obey.
And sometimes Rob doesn’t behave very well.
But he always has Eli’s interests at heart.
IDK if I was clear with my little speech but I do recommend this book.
(PS: paella packets are a sacrilege. I have never crossed myself but here I felt like doing so at the mention of such.)
*****
*****
Full review to come. Meanwhile...
***Copy provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.***
My first reaction when reading the first pages of this book was feeling the irresistible temptation of hitting myself in the head with a rock.
Hard.
Yes, I’ve always been a little extreme.
See, Metzger is not a new author for me. I read one of his books a long time ago, Vivaldi in the Dark, and fell in love with his style. But, for some stupid reason, I didn’t stay true to my promise, and I kept letting him pass.
Again and again.
When I finally decided to give him a chance, it was because of the cover and the blurb, which sounded kind of fun and sarcastic and the prospect of lots of sexy scenes seemed to be quaranteed.
Those were stupid motives, I do know that now.
This book is of the special kind.
Not of the shallow laugh-and-forget kind.
I can’t begin to describe how perfect this is. It reminds me of my dear Stockholm Syndrome, by Richard Rider, and that sounds the opposite of reassuring, I know. Only this is a much more balanced (and healthier) relationship. Shocking as it is, the characters really do play the part, they are really good for each other, make each other feel safe and cherished and loved and valued.
It was painfully obvious, this constant ache and yearning.
And still it was so funny and it only complied me to keep reading and reading.
I think that’s the best thing you can say about a book. That you are so into the characters’ skin, into the narrator’s voice, that your life stops existing for those hours in which everything is just… perfect.
No, it’s not yoga.
Something funny happened to me here. I’d never read a transgender story before. It’s not that I have a tendency to avoid them (but I do), but I never dared to make the big step. I supposed it wasn’t my cuppa, for the same reason mystery or cross-dressing are not my cuppa. Here I didn’t expect the topic to arise (yes, I know, I should read the blurbs more closely, but in the end I focus on what the story makes me feel rather than what it’s really about, once the doubts are silenced) so when Eli speaks the truth I was as stupefied as the next man. But everything began to make sense. The author subtly led me to the idea that something was not entirely “average” about Eli, but no explanation was provided until very far into the story. When that “little” fact was uncovered, it was a surprise, but it was not a shock.
So my cherry popped in the sweetest of ways, without me looking for it, and without forcing the situation in the least.
A few months ago I met a little boy with gender dysphoria. It was one of the most precious and profound interviews I have ever seen, I could barely breathe with what I was hearing and seeing, and it made me aware how amazing being a child psychiatrist is. It’s an art, you have to avoid all kind of explicit questions, you apparently go around in circles “guiding” the kid so to make him speak his mind by his own accord. That is the way it’s done with abuse cases, too. Inserting ideas in a child can lead to the creation of untrue facts and that can be proof enough to dismiss the whole denunciation.
Anyway, in this occasion it was the other way around. She felt like a girl. She wanted to be a Frozen princess, like half the girls her age. She wanted to have long hair in order to get it braided. All her friends in pre-school were girls. Her bedroom was pink. She said her boyish name was ok, but she would prefer a Disney girl name. She was too young to really gasp the reality of what she was experiencing but she already knew something was not entirely alright with herself.
I do know the conflict is much more meaningful than that, but the signals were there already, at such an early age. There was little doubt about it, after a whole year of appointments. Her mother was very understanding and wanted to make all the process of growing up the most natural and the least traumatic possible for the kid. She was scared but determined. The father was not that accepting. They were in divorce proceedings.
She was beautiful, and I only wanted to hug her. Not just because of some sort of maternal instinct or whatever (although I must admit there are very cute kids out there), but because immediately afterwards, I was sad. I just remembered the news of a 17-year-old trans who commited suicide a few months before because she couldn’t bear all the bullying at school. She had had the complete support of her mother and had already gone through the breast surgery, but she never managed to complete her transition.
So I felt hope that this time, this time everything would be alright. That the 17 teenager died, but that Frozen princess would come to the other side safe and sound.
Maybe I’m an over-sentimental fool, but that’s how I felt.
So this little gem was a gift in other senses of the word, too.
Harsh reality indeed, and this book doesn’t beat around the bush, which I appreciate. Eli suffered isolation if not rejection at school, and the situation at home is not ideal, either, as Eli’s parents still struggle with the fact their daughter is in fact a son. All of this takes a toll on Eli.
Rob is just the total opposite. Ro bis freedom and exhilaration and acceptance.
This book is also challenging in another aspect. Eli and Rob have been together for 6 months already. I don’t usually like books with relationships that are already stable. It’s not something I hate per se, it’s just that I usually don’t feel the connection, the “je ne sais quoi” that makes it believable and vital for me. This time I didn’t need any push nor explanation, I just let myself being carried by the words, by the dynamics of this unusual pair.
I was struck by Eli’s authencity. His serenity and his self-possession, his loyalty and his fierceness, his naughtier side and his sweet words. But also his wild façace and his claws when they need to be shown, to protect what is his, and to fight everything that comes between himself and Rob, even Rob himself. He's a voice to behold. His perspective was insightful and enlightening. I particulary loved his way of being kind towards Rob but with the necessary steel beneath to dominate the situation when it goes emotionally out of hand.
Because Rob is more vulnerable than it seems. It was one of the reasons why I loved him so much.
If I adored Eli, I was even more dumbfounded by this tattooed ex-con with a cause, rough around the edges, who has not led an easy life. Bad attitude, bad education, and bad vibes rolling off him, he’s not exactly the best choice to introduce to your parents, above all when they are both on the most righteous side of the law, chief policeman and forensic specialist, to be precise. Rob won my heart with his real self, the one hidden from the world. The one Eli sees and fell in love with.
Still, that was nothing to compare with Rob’s endless devotion and surrender when I finally got to know what Eli’s ‘weirdness’ is about. Even when the mystery is unfolded, there was still so much more space and time for surprise.
Nothing is what it looks like.
These two characters are joined together with super-glue and I couldn't see the extent of that, the botton of that. Because it floods and soakes everything they touch. They loved and lived for each other and there were no limits for that.
The BDSM aspect blowed my mind. It’s pretty hot the idea of the bad guy being the submissive, whereas the skinny trans guy mandhandles him when the mood strikes. But it was even better seeing how Rob worshippes Eli with all his might. He doesn’t understand the first thing about dysphoria, why Eli is so sick of his own body beyond not liking wearing high-heeled shoes. He just knows Eli feels like that, and, as he loves Eli, that’s just reason enough to believe in him, to comply and make his dreams come true, to support him no matter what, and to bend and protect him from whoever hurts him. To cherish him even though Eli doesn’t consider himself ‘himself’ yet.
Do not expect a sappy reading here, although there are loads of gentle moments and cuddling, and I’m a sweet-cuddling junkie. I was surprised by the amount of “fucks” and “fuck you” and “fuckings” I found. If you can’t stand word repetitions, this may fed you up. It seemed a Tarantino movie or a Guy Ritchie comedy. Rob is a bad-ass from a bad-ass background, and he is not shy in demonstrating this fact, he doesn’t precisely have a mouth filter or a non-impulsive mind. The same goes to his brother Danny, an interesting character I would have liked to know more about. I didn’t mind the “fucks” as much as the mobile phone messages, which sometimes gave me headaches trying to decipher them. I’m not trained enough to read hieroglyphs, mind you.
All in all, Rob prefers rubbing his bad-guy vibes in Eli’s parents’ faces rather than behaving as a polite boyfriend would in a family dinner. But Eli doesn’t let him cross certain limits. Not exactly a tight leash to make him act as someone he’s not, but he’s not scared of keeping him in line and deal with the consequences if Rob doesn’t obey.
And sometimes Rob doesn’t behave very well.
But he always has Eli’s interests at heart.
IDK if I was clear with my little speech but I do recommend this book.
(PS: paella packets are a sacrilege. I have never crossed myself but here I felt like doing so at the mention of such.)
*****
*****
Full review to come. Meanwhile...
***Copy provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.***
September 22, 2016
A wonderful, realistic, well-written story about two guys figuring out their relationship, with several strikes against them. This book has solidly cemented Matthew Metzger as an auto-buy author for me. I love his guys - their edge of attitude and snark, their realistic conversations, the warmth down under the person they show the world. His main characters are complex, imperfect, and highly relatable, and I just went out to buy all of his books I had not yet read. And I'm glad, in my confidence in his writing, that I didn't read any spoilery reviews for this before beginning, so the story opened out organically, with the small surprises and shifts unforseen, and fun to encounter.
In this book we meet Eli and Rob. Eli is just out of school and working a dead end job while still living at home. His parents are both police officers, and while they care about him, they don't really know or understand him. His father, in particular, has a very authoritarian view of parenting, not actively abusive, but not flexible. He never imagined he'd end up with a gay son who loves art, and he's not supportive.
And then there's Rob, whom Eli got together with by blowing him one night after meeting at a club. Rob is tall, tattooed, and an ex-con who did three years for assault. He's mostly going straight, but still uses weed and probably sells a little, and might nick a wallet or two. He's not the guy that Eli's dad can accept for his son's boyfriend (all the more so because Eli's sister had an abusive boyfriend, and the dad sees Rob as a threat to be just the same.)
Eli is still a work in progress, but he's pretty together for all that. The problem is, he loves Rob but he also wants to keep his family. Rob's rough past, as a kid who ended up in care, with family in trouble with the cops, and then in prison himself, means he's not a fan of cops, even Eli's family. He's rude, hostile and although he tries to compromise for Eli's sake, it's far too easy to mouth off when challenged. And violence is his ingrained response to being threatened or furious.
It looks like Eli may have to choose between his boyfriend and his parents. But he's going to give it one more try, to achieve enough peace to have both. There are things about Eli's life that make that an even harder row to hoe, but he is one stubborn guy with the mental toughness to maybe make it work.
One interesting aspect (but far from the only one) about this book is that Eli and Rob are into BDSM, but they are both switches. At any given time, one or the other of them may need to top, or to submit. This feels real and natural here, to my layman's eye. There is not the heavy D/s dynamic of some traditional BDSM, but a more flowing interaction where both guys have learned to read each other and to express their needs. It's sane, safe, and consensual, but also somewhat spontaneous and not heavily scripted. I really believed in the way this aspect fit the characters. And of course, it adds an edge to keeping secrets from Eli's dad, whose idea of abuse probably would have fits about some of what they do together.
The secondary characters are great as well, multifaceted and interesting. I highly recommend this one to readers looking for a fascinating contemporary with differences, that is still the story of two very real guys and a relationship with a sweet, loving heart under the challenges.
In this book we meet Eli and Rob. Eli is just out of school and working a dead end job while still living at home. His parents are both police officers, and while they care about him, they don't really know or understand him. His father, in particular, has a very authoritarian view of parenting, not actively abusive, but not flexible. He never imagined he'd end up with a gay son who loves art, and he's not supportive.
And then there's Rob, whom Eli got together with by blowing him one night after meeting at a club. Rob is tall, tattooed, and an ex-con who did three years for assault. He's mostly going straight, but still uses weed and probably sells a little, and might nick a wallet or two. He's not the guy that Eli's dad can accept for his son's boyfriend (all the more so because Eli's sister had an abusive boyfriend, and the dad sees Rob as a threat to be just the same.)
Eli is still a work in progress, but he's pretty together for all that. The problem is, he loves Rob but he also wants to keep his family. Rob's rough past, as a kid who ended up in care, with family in trouble with the cops, and then in prison himself, means he's not a fan of cops, even Eli's family. He's rude, hostile and although he tries to compromise for Eli's sake, it's far too easy to mouth off when challenged. And violence is his ingrained response to being threatened or furious.
It looks like Eli may have to choose between his boyfriend and his parents. But he's going to give it one more try, to achieve enough peace to have both. There are things about Eli's life that make that an even harder row to hoe, but he is one stubborn guy with the mental toughness to maybe make it work.
One interesting aspect (but far from the only one) about this book is that Eli and Rob are into BDSM, but they are both switches. At any given time, one or the other of them may need to top, or to submit. This feels real and natural here, to my layman's eye. There is not the heavy D/s dynamic of some traditional BDSM, but a more flowing interaction where both guys have learned to read each other and to express their needs. It's sane, safe, and consensual, but also somewhat spontaneous and not heavily scripted. I really believed in the way this aspect fit the characters. And of course, it adds an edge to keeping secrets from Eli's dad, whose idea of abuse probably would have fits about some of what they do together.
The secondary characters are great as well, multifaceted and interesting. I highly recommend this one to readers looking for a fascinating contemporary with differences, that is still the story of two very real guys and a relationship with a sweet, loving heart under the challenges.
December 14, 2019
Oh, man. I didn’t like this one, for reasons that I’m going to try not to rant too much about I apparently need to get off my chest. And while there were a couple of things that I enjoyed, I just can’t recommend it due to the amount of time I spent with my face scrunched up.
I felt like I was reading a cartoon. One with lots of caricatures, exclamation points, and melodrama. The characters all had a lack of emotional maturity and impulse control. And I mean all of them — from the MCs, to the parents and siblings, to the 4-year-old niece (who only appears on page a couple of times, even though I sometimes felt I’d been dropped into the child’s daycare). I would've been fine with this being a flaw in a character or two, but since it was universal it seemed like this is just what the author believes people are like.
The contrived plot was essentially based on this lack of maturity, so there was no escaping it. Then, color me shocked, there was a trite conflict around 80% that magically changed everything.
The kink element was one of the things that drew me to pick this one up. And yet, I found one of my least favorite kinky situations that I’ve read. Those who know me know that I am not a stickler for SSC* stories, but this was just off-putting, weird, and unrealistic. The way that “discipline” was attempted felt like being lectured by Donald Duck about not leaving the house without pants.
I did like the trans rep — especially the portrayal of the MC’s struggle accept himself and to be accepted by potential dating partners. This is ultimately the element that kept me going with the book, because I was engaged in his story arc and wanted to see how it turned out for him.
I have a few other works by this author, and despite what I’ve outlined above, I will try again. It's possible that my particular issues here may not transfer to his other stuff, and I’m down for finding out.
*safe, sane, and consensual
I felt like I was reading a cartoon. One with lots of caricatures, exclamation points, and melodrama. The characters all had a lack of emotional maturity and impulse control. And I mean all of them — from the MCs, to the parents and siblings, to the 4-year-old niece (who only appears on page a couple of times, even though I sometimes felt I’d been dropped into the child’s daycare). I would've been fine with this being a flaw in a character or two, but since it was universal it seemed like this is just what the author believes people are like.
The contrived plot was essentially based on this lack of maturity, so there was no escaping it. Then, color me shocked, there was a trite conflict around 80% that magically changed everything.
The kink element was one of the things that drew me to pick this one up. And yet, I found one of my least favorite kinky situations that I’ve read. Those who know me know that I am not a stickler for SSC* stories, but this was just off-putting, weird, and unrealistic. The way that “discipline” was attempted felt like being lectured by Donald Duck about not leaving the house without pants.
I did like the trans rep — especially the portrayal of the MC’s struggle accept himself and to be accepted by potential dating partners. This is ultimately the element that kept me going with the book, because I was engaged in his story arc and wanted to see how it turned out for him.
I have a few other works by this author, and despite what I’ve outlined above, I will try again. It's possible that my particular issues here may not transfer to his other stuff, and I’m down for finding out.
*safe, sane, and consensual
November 6, 2016
4stars!
It's been a couple days since I read "what It looks like" and I still find myself thinking about Rob/Eli this two guys and what a journey their story was.
Their relationship was so raw and gritty but so honest and real their issues in some ways were difficult and some others so basic. Some of their problems coming from Eli's family that didn't like Rob, at all. Which part of me understood he had a criminal background but they also judge him by his appearance. Then also came their own individual insecurities Rob, thinking he wasn't good enough for Eli, and Eli, the fact that he was trans also felt he wasn't enough for Rob.
I found myself bitting my nails, frustrated with this two, wanting to grab them by their ears and just sit them down. Especially Eli, I felt he was a bit of a baby and selfish he wanted to force everyone to just accept each other. But when things got tough with his family his doubts of Rob would bring him down and would ultimately affect their relationship.
Rob, I loved I mean he wasn't perfect he had a mad temper but this big, tough, tattooed gorgeous guy, with silver color eyes loved Eli, intensely. The first fight they had and the gift he made Eli, had me clutching my heart and he was so supportive of Eli and him being trans he love him unconditionally. I think like Eli, I became a little obsessed with Rob, I craved his smiles and his dirty mouth and like little Flora I wanted to climb him like a tree. Ahh that was such a sweet scene!
Through their up downs I felt their love, their connection, especially in their sexual encounters. The BDSM was a bonus for me I think it went well and added hotness since this two had major chemistry.
The end was so good with some suspense and I was happy to see Eli finally take a stand for his man and make his dream come true!
I'm looking forward to more of this awesome author! <3
It's been a couple days since I read "what It looks like" and I still find myself thinking about Rob/Eli this two guys and what a journey their story was.
Their relationship was so raw and gritty but so honest and real their issues in some ways were difficult and some others so basic. Some of their problems coming from Eli's family that didn't like Rob, at all. Which part of me understood he had a criminal background but they also judge him by his appearance. Then also came their own individual insecurities Rob, thinking he wasn't good enough for Eli, and Eli, the fact that he was trans also felt he wasn't enough for Rob.
I found myself bitting my nails, frustrated with this two, wanting to grab them by their ears and just sit them down. Especially Eli, I felt he was a bit of a baby and selfish he wanted to force everyone to just accept each other. But when things got tough with his family his doubts of Rob would bring him down and would ultimately affect their relationship.
Rob, I loved I mean he wasn't perfect he had a mad temper but this big, tough, tattooed gorgeous guy, with silver color eyes loved Eli, intensely. The first fight they had and the gift he made Eli, had me clutching my heart and he was so supportive of Eli and him being trans he love him unconditionally. I think like Eli, I became a little obsessed with Rob, I craved his smiles and his dirty mouth and like little Flora I wanted to climb him like a tree. Ahh that was such a sweet scene!
Through their up downs I felt their love, their connection, especially in their sexual encounters. The BDSM was a bonus for me I think it went well and added hotness since this two had major chemistry.
The end was so good with some suspense and I was happy to see Eli finally take a stand for his man and make his dream come true!
I'm looking forward to more of this awesome author! <3
December 23, 2021
I loveeeeeeeed this so much ❤️
After reading Stripped, I searched for more books with transgender men and I was lucky to find this one.
Rob is full of tattoos and a criminal record behind it.
But Eli sees the man who is not intimidated in showing his affection in the morning, Rob is more. Rob is the guy who supports him more than his family.
"You,” he breathed, “are fucking insatiable and ridiculous and rude and a total arsehole and I fucking love you. I fucking love you. You’re so fun and awful and sweet when you want to be, and—Jesus, best thing that ever happened to me was you thinking my arse looked good in those jeans.”
The two are totally opposites, but their relationship works despite the fights. They have chemistry. They are cute and sexy together. This book has drama but is so good. There is BDSM too.
"I’m here, I’m supporting what you want, that bit? That’s not changing. After this surgery, you’re gonna be what you look like. You’ll be what you seem. And that’s what you want, and because of what this is between us, that bit where I support you, that’s what I want, too."
I swear I'll read it again and write a better review😭❤️
After reading Stripped, I searched for more books with transgender men and I was lucky to find this one.
Rob is full of tattoos and a criminal record behind it.
But Eli sees the man who is not intimidated in showing his affection in the morning, Rob is more. Rob is the guy who supports him more than his family.
"You,” he breathed, “are fucking insatiable and ridiculous and rude and a total arsehole and I fucking love you. I fucking love you. You’re so fun and awful and sweet when you want to be, and—Jesus, best thing that ever happened to me was you thinking my arse looked good in those jeans.”
The two are totally opposites, but their relationship works despite the fights. They have chemistry. They are cute and sexy together. This book has drama but is so good. There is BDSM too.
"I’m here, I’m supporting what you want, that bit? That’s not changing. After this surgery, you’re gonna be what you look like. You’ll be what you seem. And that’s what you want, and because of what this is between us, that bit where I support you, that’s what I want, too."
I swear I'll read it again and write a better review😭❤️
November 6, 2016
BR with my best partners in crime : Karen and Josy
4.5 stars
I don’t think I would have read this book (the blurb didn’t inspire me more than that) if not for doing this BR : a real shame. Thanks Josy for the push !!
And the blurb is quite deceptive imo. Because this book is more than just the son of a policeman having a relationship with a tattoed ex-con. So much more…
I suggest to read this book without knowing what’s it’s really about. However, for more details, Judith is OK for me to link her review
I was really mesmerized by the 2 characters, Eli and Rob, their flaws and their strenghts, but most of all, the acceptance of each other (even though I faltered when Eli wouldn't want to listen to Rob...grrrr....I will put that on his hot temper and his age). Together, they found peace, acceptance and love.
I absolutely adored Rob : totally crude, made me cringe sometimes, but he was like a raw diamond. Not one time was I disappointed by this character : I love a badass who is a real teddy bear underneath these rough layers.
"but there's this weird thing where I fucking care about him, I fucking love him, so I'm gonna fucking support him. S'how it works. Even I know that"
Their relationship was unconventional, but no more unconventional than their circumstances, with some BDSM aspects (one scene was way out of my comfort zone, but the story was so gripping I was able to overcome the uneasiness). But it worked well and felt so realistic all things considered.
My sappy side was totally satisfied with Eli's family turning out good after all their fuck-up, the worst being their complete obliteration of Eli’s situation. A complete redemption would have felt unrealistic imo, so I will settle with Dad at least uttering an apology.
I smiled, I raged, I panted, I cringed, I cried. And most of all, I was surprised by this book and how much I loved it, unexpectedly !!
4.5 stars
I don’t think I would have read this book (the blurb didn’t inspire me more than that) if not for doing this BR : a real shame. Thanks Josy for the push !!
And the blurb is quite deceptive imo. Because this book is more than just the son of a policeman having a relationship with a tattoed ex-con. So much more…
I suggest to read this book without knowing what’s it’s really about. However, for more details, Judith is OK for me to link her review
I was really mesmerized by the 2 characters, Eli and Rob, their flaws and their strenghts, but most of all, the acceptance of each other (even though I faltered when Eli wouldn't want to listen to Rob...grrrr....I will put that on his hot temper and his age). Together, they found peace, acceptance and love.
I absolutely adored Rob : totally crude, made me cringe sometimes, but he was like a raw diamond. Not one time was I disappointed by this character : I love a badass who is a real teddy bear underneath these rough layers.
"but there's this weird thing where I fucking care about him, I fucking love him, so I'm gonna fucking support him. S'how it works. Even I know that"
Their relationship was unconventional, but no more unconventional than their circumstances, with some BDSM aspects (one scene was way out of my comfort zone, but the story was so gripping I was able to overcome the uneasiness). But it worked well and felt so realistic all things considered.
My sappy side was totally satisfied with Eli's family turning out good after all their fuck-up, the worst being their complete obliteration of Eli’s situation. A complete redemption would have felt unrealistic imo, so I will settle with Dad at least uttering an apology.
I smiled, I raged, I panted, I cringed, I cried. And most of all, I was surprised by this book and how much I loved it, unexpectedly !!
February 7, 2023
THIS is what I’m talking about when they prioritize sex as much as their emotional connection. I LOOVE THIS AUTHOR ALREADY!
This book had the best BDSM scene ever. I have never read one that actually use their safewords (Why shy away from vulnerability, right?) But this one had exactly THAT I FUCKING LOVE IT.
It was all tough love with them from the beginning til the end, but oh Lord, the true deep connection they shared was everything 🥹 I loved the writing and the plotline. Some parts were predictable but the angst made it all better. The hurt and regret was sooo painful it hurt soo good.
I truly adored their relationship and awe-d by how they always stick together. None of the tough times made me feel like they weren’t made for each other. Rob and Eli were soulmates I believe that. This was no second chance, but it hurt just the same.
I cried on a lot of parts of this book. I expected to cry on Eli being transman part, but not the other. It was a surprise, that there wasn’t a lot of representation, but the way it was portrayed in here was great. So well written.
Here goes the tropes if anyone wants to give it a go. Trans man, ex-con, bdsm, tough love, angsty and all kinds of trouble, problematic family and protective mc.
After this surgery, you’re gonna be what you look like. You’ll be what you seem. And that’s what you want, and because of what this is between us, that bit where I support you, that’s what I want, too.” Eli swallowed and kissed Rob’s neck. “The bit where you love me.” It wasn’t a question. “Yeah,” Rob said. “The bit where I love you.”
I cried again…
Spoilers ahead!:
I loved a lot parts of this book. THE scene they had with the beating it was so vulnerable hurts so bad but felt so good 🥹😭❤️ I loove BDSM scene like that. And then Rob bought him presents (all from his wish list) because they had a fight, so sweet! Rob also paid for Eli’s bottom surgery because he FUCKING NOTICE Eli wasn’t comfortable in his own body 😩😩😭😭😭😭😭 And I LOVED all of the aftercare SCENES!
“You’ve never done that before. And I realised then, this is way bigger for you than, like, not liking high heels and crap, it’s deeper than that, and you’re…proper hurt like, by not being what you fucking wanna be. And I don’t get it. I really don’t. But if this surgery is gonna make you okay with yourself, not make you feel that way, then fuck yeah I’ll pay for it.” AAAAAH 😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️
Such sweethearts. It’s them against the world <3
“It’s…it’s because even if we break up, even if we had this horrible awful break up and I spent the rest of my life thinking you were a total cunt, you’re always…” Eli felt his face heating up rapidly. “You’re always going to be the guy who proved to me that…that being trans isn’t a death sentence for my love life, you know?” Oh, this line hurt so bad I love it :(((
Their tough love got really sweet at the end and I couldn’t stop swooning. They’re everything to me ❤️❤️
“You are worrying way too fucking much about it, babe. You don’t get off on anal, you know what I’m saying? But you still like it. You still want me to do it, and the surgery won’t change that.” Eli swallowed. “Pull over?” “Eh?”“Pull over. Next layby or parking area. I want a hug.” “Oh hell,” Rob grumbled. “Are you gonna cry on me? I ain’t stopping this fucking car if you’re gonna fucking bawl.”
Tough love is the new best kind of fiction love hahaha <3<3
This book had the best BDSM scene ever. I have never read one that actually use their safewords (Why shy away from vulnerability, right?) But this one had exactly THAT I FUCKING LOVE IT.
It was all tough love with them from the beginning til the end, but oh Lord, the true deep connection they shared was everything 🥹 I loved the writing and the plotline. Some parts were predictable but the angst made it all better. The hurt and regret was sooo painful it hurt soo good.
I truly adored their relationship and awe-d by how they always stick together. None of the tough times made me feel like they weren’t made for each other. Rob and Eli were soulmates I believe that. This was no second chance, but it hurt just the same.
I cried on a lot of parts of this book. I expected to cry on Eli being transman part, but not the other. It was a surprise, that there wasn’t a lot of representation, but the way it was portrayed in here was great. So well written.
Here goes the tropes if anyone wants to give it a go. Trans man, ex-con, bdsm, tough love, angsty and all kinds of trouble, problematic family and protective mc.
After this surgery, you’re gonna be what you look like. You’ll be what you seem. And that’s what you want, and because of what this is between us, that bit where I support you, that’s what I want, too.” Eli swallowed and kissed Rob’s neck. “The bit where you love me.” It wasn’t a question. “Yeah,” Rob said. “The bit where I love you.”
I cried again…
Spoilers ahead!:
I loved a lot parts of this book. THE scene they had with the beating it was so vulnerable hurts so bad but felt so good 🥹😭❤️ I loove BDSM scene like that. And then Rob bought him presents (all from his wish list) because they had a fight, so sweet! Rob also paid for Eli’s bottom surgery because he FUCKING NOTICE Eli wasn’t comfortable in his own body 😩😩😭😭😭😭😭 And I LOVED all of the aftercare SCENES!
“You’ve never done that before. And I realised then, this is way bigger for you than, like, not liking high heels and crap, it’s deeper than that, and you’re…proper hurt like, by not being what you fucking wanna be. And I don’t get it. I really don’t. But if this surgery is gonna make you okay with yourself, not make you feel that way, then fuck yeah I’ll pay for it.” AAAAAH 😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️
Such sweethearts. It’s them against the world <3
“It’s…it’s because even if we break up, even if we had this horrible awful break up and I spent the rest of my life thinking you were a total cunt, you’re always…” Eli felt his face heating up rapidly. “You’re always going to be the guy who proved to me that…that being trans isn’t a death sentence for my love life, you know?” Oh, this line hurt so bad I love it :(((
Their tough love got really sweet at the end and I couldn’t stop swooning. They’re everything to me ❤️❤️
“You are worrying way too fucking much about it, babe. You don’t get off on anal, you know what I’m saying? But you still like it. You still want me to do it, and the surgery won’t change that.” Eli swallowed. “Pull over?” “Eh?”“Pull over. Next layby or parking area. I want a hug.” “Oh hell,” Rob grumbled. “Are you gonna cry on me? I ain’t stopping this fucking car if you’re gonna fucking bawl.”
Tough love is the new best kind of fiction love hahaha <3<3
March 12, 2017
Intense, emotional and something beautiful.... I had not expected the depth of emotions from this book, but wow - what a perfect example of not judging a book by its cover. I haven't read many Trans books, but this gave me such a painful insight into the transition process. I applaud Eli for his courage and adore Rob for his ability to see past the physical....a fabulous book
November 7, 2016
4.5 stars rounded up to 5 because still no 1/2 stars here on GR and because sometimes things just aren't 'What It Looks Like'.
First off this was an excellent book to read and...
an absolutely perfect book to buddy read. I truly and highly recommend reading this one with a friend or two. I did and I have zero doubt that the reading experience was made all the better for having done so. Yes, this was another read with my buddy read besties, Christelle and Josy. So thank you ladies once again for a fun weekend.
"What It Looks Like" wasn't at all...what it looked like. It was more, way, way more. While the blurb actually only gives us a very general and to be honest in some ways vague story description something which has been known to keep me from reading a book but in this case I had a friend who wanted someone to read it with her...side-eyes Josy...and said friend and I felt compelled to drag Christelle into the experience...kicking and screaming, right Christelle? NOT!!!
What we found was a book that on the surface seemed like it would be ok and when we got into it we discovered layers and layers of things that added depth and interest to the story along with the fact that at some point or another one or more of us wanted or needed to talk about.
This is the point at which I would love to go into a big long detailed explanation of what I loved about this book and why...however, I'm going to refrain from a lot of it because in order to do that I'd either be giving away...way, way too much information about the story or this review would be one long trail of spoiler tags. So here goes with what I feel I can comfortably say...
I loved both Eli and Rob. As a couple on paper I'm pretty sure it shouldn't work but they did. They were like two pieces from different puzzles that somehow slotted together perfectly to create an unexpectedly new and beautiful picture. Yes, I did get a little frustrated with Eli a couple of times but Eli also snuck into my heart in a really big way and I found it easier to see and understand his motivations for some of the things he did, I'm not saying I agreed with him just that I was able to understand. Rob on the other hand for all of his big, gruff, crude talking, street fighting, inked exterior was even easier to love. He was the type of man who loved who he loved and was fiercely loyal and protective of those he loved. While he may not have grown up in the best of circumstances he was so much more than what he looked like.
For all their exterior differences both Eli and Rob knew what it was like to not be accepted for who you are, to have people pass judgement on you solely based on superficial reasons rather than because they took the time to get to know you. To be rejected by their family...the people who should love you the most. But it was from these things that each man learned to look deeper and see what others had missed.
Rob and Eli shared a relationship that was not always defined by what most would consider to be 'normal' or 'traditional' guidelines but by what Rob and Eli felt worked for them and this prompted much discussion during our buddy read. Discussions that had me and I'm sure my reading partners stepping back and viewing things from different perspectives and seeing things hopefully in a new and different light...see reading with friends is a good thing.
The dynamics between Eli and his family and Rob and Eli's family are to say the least precarious at the best of times and were very central to the story line and the tentative ending that was given to this part of the story was so well done. It wasn't suddenly a Christmas card family scene but it was a very believable scenario that left this reader feeling like maybe things would never be great but they could at least have a chance at getting better.
This was my first time reading this author and I was 100% impressed. For me 'What It Looks Like' really wasn't it was so much more and so much better. Like my friend Christelle, I was taken on a veritable emotional roller coaster ride and I was wonderfully surprised by how much I loved this book...seriously LOVED this book.
First off this was an excellent book to read and...
an absolutely perfect book to buddy read. I truly and highly recommend reading this one with a friend or two. I did and I have zero doubt that the reading experience was made all the better for having done so. Yes, this was another read with my buddy read besties, Christelle and Josy. So thank you ladies once again for a fun weekend.
"What It Looks Like" wasn't at all...what it looked like. It was more, way, way more. While the blurb actually only gives us a very general and to be honest in some ways vague story description something which has been known to keep me from reading a book but in this case I had a friend who wanted someone to read it with her...side-eyes Josy...and said friend and I felt compelled to drag Christelle into the experience...kicking and screaming, right Christelle? NOT!!!
What we found was a book that on the surface seemed like it would be ok and when we got into it we discovered layers and layers of things that added depth and interest to the story along with the fact that at some point or another one or more of us wanted or needed to talk about.
This is the point at which I would love to go into a big long detailed explanation of what I loved about this book and why...however, I'm going to refrain from a lot of it because in order to do that I'd either be giving away...way, way too much information about the story or this review would be one long trail of spoiler tags. So here goes with what I feel I can comfortably say...
I loved both Eli and Rob. As a couple on paper I'm pretty sure it shouldn't work but they did. They were like two pieces from different puzzles that somehow slotted together perfectly to create an unexpectedly new and beautiful picture. Yes, I did get a little frustrated with Eli a couple of times but Eli also snuck into my heart in a really big way and I found it easier to see and understand his motivations for some of the things he did, I'm not saying I agreed with him just that I was able to understand. Rob on the other hand for all of his big, gruff, crude talking, street fighting, inked exterior was even easier to love. He was the type of man who loved who he loved and was fiercely loyal and protective of those he loved. While he may not have grown up in the best of circumstances he was so much more than what he looked like.
For all their exterior differences both Eli and Rob knew what it was like to not be accepted for who you are, to have people pass judgement on you solely based on superficial reasons rather than because they took the time to get to know you. To be rejected by their family...the people who should love you the most. But it was from these things that each man learned to look deeper and see what others had missed.
Rob and Eli shared a relationship that was not always defined by what most would consider to be 'normal' or 'traditional' guidelines but by what Rob and Eli felt worked for them and this prompted much discussion during our buddy read. Discussions that had me and I'm sure my reading partners stepping back and viewing things from different perspectives and seeing things hopefully in a new and different light...see reading with friends is a good thing.
The dynamics between Eli and his family and Rob and Eli's family are to say the least precarious at the best of times and were very central to the story line and the tentative ending that was given to this part of the story was so well done. It wasn't suddenly a Christmas card family scene but it was a very believable scenario that left this reader feeling like maybe things would never be great but they could at least have a chance at getting better.
This was my first time reading this author and I was 100% impressed. For me 'What It Looks Like' really wasn't it was so much more and so much better. Like my friend Christelle, I was taken on a veritable emotional roller coaster ride and I was wonderfully surprised by how much I loved this book...seriously LOVED this book.
October 2, 2016
Simply marvelous.
I'm too tired to do a proper review. It says something, though, that I stayed up until 4am to finish this.
Highly recommend.
September 1, 2017
The first time I read anything by Metzger was a couple weeks ago when I ended up reviewing his YA story, Spy Stuff. I was totally taken in by his wonderful writing style, his awesome trans character, and the easy way he made me feel so many things all at the same time. When I found out that his newest book would be releasing not long after my review of Spy Stuff I was excited to see what Metzger could do with a more adult-centered story. While the themes of What It Looks Like are definitely more mature than his YA novel, I found that everything I loved about the previous book was still in play. Just with a bit more of an edge to it.
Rob Hawkes is not your cute and cuddly gay guy–even if he does enjoy the occasional cuddle (but tell no one!!). He has a criminal record, is known to deal the occasional bag of weed, and has a grudge against the police longer than the Thames and about just as pleasant to swallow down. He is a man’s man who like men and doesn’t give two fucks who knows about it. He is loud, he is angry, and his kinks are hard and dirty. Which makes his decision to date the trans guy with a father who’s a copper and mother who is a forensic scientist, all the more puzzling.
But Eli Bell is more than the sum of his parts–-even the parts not quite yet in place. He is just as stubborn as Rob, just as kinky, and just as determined to make it work with a man who seems to think punching a police officer is a good idea (even if the guy totally had it coming). Everyone in his life is convinced that Eli is making a mistake dating Rob, but they don’t know Rob like Eli does. Don’t know the man who barely blinked when he found out the guy he had been hooking up with transgender, or the man who goes soft in Eli’s arms after a hard BDSM scene. And if it is the last thing Eli does, he is gonna prove to the world that Rob is more than the sum of his past experiences…even if Rob himself fights him every step of the way.
Even after reading Spy Stuff I was surprised how quickly I got lost in Metzger’s fantastic writing. I’ll admit that I came for the trans-guy gay loving, but I stayed for the well written characters, the heartbreaking conflict with Eli’s family, and the sheer craziness that was Rob’s interesting interpersonal relationships.
The BDSM aspects of this book felt real and gritty, but also incredibly true to both of the characters. It didn’t feel like that part of the story was shoe-horned into make the story more edgy, simply that this was a vital part of who they were and how they related to each other. There was no tiptoeing around who they were.
I think a lot of the strength of this story came from the fact that when we start the book, Eli and Rob are already together. It bypasses a lot of the things that tend to hang “trans-stories” up, by not having to focus on the coming out, but instead on the everyday life that comes after. Eli is trans, Rob is a bastard, they both know that about each other…now let’s figure out how they can actually live and love with those things. It is by no means a smooth ride, but it makes it so the story is not about being trans, but about being different and wanting things that the world tells you you can’t have.
I may have mentioned before that I have had a rather…well, fractious implies that we are still in communication, so let’s just go with unpleasant, relationship with my father after I came out. So there is a lot in this book, directly relating to Eli and his father, that hit sore spots in my psyche. And while it wasn’t exactly fun, it did make this story hit home a lot of the time. Even the half-hearted silence of Eli’s mother reminded me a lot of some of how my relatives have reacted. The good the bad and the ugly of coming out is played out in this book. Not so much the actual first act, since that has long passed by the time we join the story, but just the aftermath that follows. It is not always black or white. Not always vitriolic hatred or unconditional acceptance (though I personally was lucky to have enough of the second). Sometimes it is silent judgments and half-hearted attempts that almost seem worse because at least if they screamed you could scream back. Most the time Eli doesn’t have to deal with being misgendered or having the wrong name thrown in his face, but the fact is that they still treat him like a girl. Like they think a girl should be treated, anyways. The fact that they are doing it because they love him doesn’t make it hurt any less. I don’t know if this will resonate with someone who hasn’t experienced it, but for me it was really complicated and powerful.
And If all this hasn’t sold you on it…I’m not sure what else I can say. It was incredibly well written, the characters were real and complex and interesting, and I had a hard time tearing myself away from the story despite the fact that I had things like sleeping and eating to do. It wasn’t even halfway thru this book that I realized I’m just gonna have to read everything that Metzger has written…and then maybe beg him to write some more.
What It Looks Like is highly, extremely, and indubitably recommended.
This book was provided free in exchange for a fair and honest review for Love Bytes. Go there to check out other reviews, author interviews, and all those awesome giveaways. Click below.
Rob Hawkes is not your cute and cuddly gay guy–even if he does enjoy the occasional cuddle (but tell no one!!). He has a criminal record, is known to deal the occasional bag of weed, and has a grudge against the police longer than the Thames and about just as pleasant to swallow down. He is a man’s man who like men and doesn’t give two fucks who knows about it. He is loud, he is angry, and his kinks are hard and dirty. Which makes his decision to date the trans guy with a father who’s a copper and mother who is a forensic scientist, all the more puzzling.
But Eli Bell is more than the sum of his parts–-even the parts not quite yet in place. He is just as stubborn as Rob, just as kinky, and just as determined to make it work with a man who seems to think punching a police officer is a good idea (even if the guy totally had it coming). Everyone in his life is convinced that Eli is making a mistake dating Rob, but they don’t know Rob like Eli does. Don’t know the man who barely blinked when he found out the guy he had been hooking up with transgender, or the man who goes soft in Eli’s arms after a hard BDSM scene. And if it is the last thing Eli does, he is gonna prove to the world that Rob is more than the sum of his past experiences…even if Rob himself fights him every step of the way.
Even after reading Spy Stuff I was surprised how quickly I got lost in Metzger’s fantastic writing. I’ll admit that I came for the trans-guy gay loving, but I stayed for the well written characters, the heartbreaking conflict with Eli’s family, and the sheer craziness that was Rob’s interesting interpersonal relationships.
The BDSM aspects of this book felt real and gritty, but also incredibly true to both of the characters. It didn’t feel like that part of the story was shoe-horned into make the story more edgy, simply that this was a vital part of who they were and how they related to each other. There was no tiptoeing around who they were.
I think a lot of the strength of this story came from the fact that when we start the book, Eli and Rob are already together. It bypasses a lot of the things that tend to hang “trans-stories” up, by not having to focus on the coming out, but instead on the everyday life that comes after. Eli is trans, Rob is a bastard, they both know that about each other…now let’s figure out how they can actually live and love with those things. It is by no means a smooth ride, but it makes it so the story is not about being trans, but about being different and wanting things that the world tells you you can’t have.
I may have mentioned before that I have had a rather…well, fractious implies that we are still in communication, so let’s just go with unpleasant, relationship with my father after I came out. So there is a lot in this book, directly relating to Eli and his father, that hit sore spots in my psyche. And while it wasn’t exactly fun, it did make this story hit home a lot of the time. Even the half-hearted silence of Eli’s mother reminded me a lot of some of how my relatives have reacted. The good the bad and the ugly of coming out is played out in this book. Not so much the actual first act, since that has long passed by the time we join the story, but just the aftermath that follows. It is not always black or white. Not always vitriolic hatred or unconditional acceptance (though I personally was lucky to have enough of the second). Sometimes it is silent judgments and half-hearted attempts that almost seem worse because at least if they screamed you could scream back. Most the time Eli doesn’t have to deal with being misgendered or having the wrong name thrown in his face, but the fact is that they still treat him like a girl. Like they think a girl should be treated, anyways. The fact that they are doing it because they love him doesn’t make it hurt any less. I don’t know if this will resonate with someone who hasn’t experienced it, but for me it was really complicated and powerful.
And If all this hasn’t sold you on it…I’m not sure what else I can say. It was incredibly well written, the characters were real and complex and interesting, and I had a hard time tearing myself away from the story despite the fact that I had things like sleeping and eating to do. It wasn’t even halfway thru this book that I realized I’m just gonna have to read everything that Metzger has written…and then maybe beg him to write some more.
What It Looks Like is highly, extremely, and indubitably recommended.
This book was provided free in exchange for a fair and honest review for Love Bytes. Go there to check out other reviews, author interviews, and all those awesome giveaways. Click below.
February 7, 2017
This excellent, excellent book finally broke my long, dry and excruciatingly dull book slump. I loved Eli and Rob and their messy, extra dirty relationship and would love to read more about them.
These are my favorite kinds of characters to read about: flawed, argumentative, interesting, kinky as fuck, sarcastic, volatile. Yes, there could have been a bit less arguing between Eli and his parents but I'm sure in real life the arguments would go the same exact way.
You know what was also excellent? Their love life and its BDSM aspect. I thought that was extremely well done.
I highly enjoyed everything about this book and am dying to read more adult books from this author.
Edit to add: I did have bone to pick with a few of Eli's classist and sexist thoughts and ideas, but the full story managed to overshadow all that for me.
These are my favorite kinds of characters to read about: flawed, argumentative, interesting, kinky as fuck, sarcastic, volatile. Yes, there could have been a bit less arguing between Eli and his parents but I'm sure in real life the arguments would go the same exact way.
You know what was also excellent? Their love life and its BDSM aspect. I thought that was extremely well done.
I highly enjoyed everything about this book and am dying to read more adult books from this author.
Edit to add: I did have bone to pick with a few of Eli's classist and sexist thoughts and ideas, but the full story managed to overshadow all that for me.
January 9, 2017
3 estrellas para el libro y muchas estrellas para la portada!
Me gustó la historia, los personajes principales y su relación, pero el drama familiar me resultó tedioso y me dejó completamente agotada.
Me gustó la historia, los personajes principales y su relación, pero el drama familiar me resultó tedioso y me dejó completamente agotada.
August 23, 2016
4 stars
Fans of the author should know that this is a lot different from his other stories. This is very much an adult book. However, like his other stories, this felt authentic and real, especially what Eli was going through and the prejudices that Rob faced. I really liked that and I liked that the structure was more unique for a romance in that Eli and Rob were already together at the beginning. I have to say though that this wasn't my favourite Metzger story - maybe a little too much sex, swearing and fighting for my personal tastes?
Fans of the author should know that this is a lot different from his other stories. This is very much an adult book. However, like his other stories, this felt authentic and real, especially what Eli was going through and the prejudices that Rob faced. I really liked that and I liked that the structure was more unique for a romance in that Eli and Rob were already together at the beginning. I have to say though that this wasn't my favourite Metzger story - maybe a little too much sex, swearing and fighting for my personal tastes?
December 27, 2021
First of all, I have never read any book with more cuss words than this one, even the four-year child cusses here. At least the MCs were British so we have pretty intriguing and innovative ones in Cockney and some even in Gaelic.😂😂
So, the book started with "Rob Hawkes was a god," followed by 5 long pages describing every physical feature of Rob. His tattoos, big biceps, and even his grey irises.🤭🤭 But, did I mind??? Not really, I even enjoyed imagining those lovely features of this adonis called Rob.
What I liked most about it was the way it captured the feeling of being in love. We can see Eli's fascination and love for Rob. I even liked the whole conflict arising from Rob being a petty criminal and Eli's father, Chief of Police.
The constant struggle between Rob and Eli's family was entertaining at first and I could even believe it since we know Rob for his temper. But, some of Eli's reactions after the 60% mark felt total OTT and out of character. And, then came the twist in the tale around 75-80% and I was so pissed. Eli doesn't care how Rob earns his living or gives him gifts but suddenly when is in muddy waters, Eli is quick to play blame games. And, what the hell was the twist in the tale.😡😡
Again, because at the start of the book, Rob and Eli are already in a relationship for the last 6 months, I missed the talk about Eli being trans. And, even though, I liked the trans rep, I believe the author forcefully dumped a lot of info about trans and consensual safe sex during BDMS scenes.
Nevertheless, I didn't want to give it a 3 star because up to the 40-50% mark, it has a ton of funny and romantic moments. I laughed and awwwwwed quite a bunch of times.😁😁 And, Although The BDSM scenes were okayish, the aftercare scenes were pure magic.
Still, I may have thought of giving it 3.5 stars if not for that drama around the 80% mark. And, later on, the way the reconciliation tapped, gave me a legit headache.
I checked and all my GR friends have given it 4+ stars so it's definitely a case of 'it's Me, not the book'.
So, the book started with "Rob Hawkes was a god," followed by 5 long pages describing every physical feature of Rob. His tattoos, big biceps, and even his grey irises.🤭🤭 But, did I mind??? Not really, I even enjoyed imagining those lovely features of this adonis called Rob.
What I liked most about it was the way it captured the feeling of being in love. We can see Eli's fascination and love for Rob. I even liked the whole conflict arising from Rob being a petty criminal and Eli's father, Chief of Police.
The constant struggle between Rob and Eli's family was entertaining at first and I could even believe it since we know Rob for his temper. But, some of Eli's reactions after the 60% mark felt total OTT and out of character. And, then came the twist in the tale around 75-80% and I was so pissed. Eli doesn't care how Rob earns his living or gives him gifts but suddenly when is in muddy waters, Eli is quick to play blame games. And, what the hell was the twist in the tale.😡😡
Again, because at the start of the book, Rob and Eli are already in a relationship for the last 6 months, I missed the talk about Eli being trans. And, even though, I liked the trans rep, I believe the author forcefully dumped a lot of info about trans and consensual safe sex during BDMS scenes.
Nevertheless, I didn't want to give it a 3 star because up to the 40-50% mark, it has a ton of funny and romantic moments. I laughed and awwwwwed quite a bunch of times.😁😁 And, Although The BDSM scenes were okayish, the aftercare scenes were pure magic.
Still, I may have thought of giving it 3.5 stars if not for that drama around the 80% mark. And, later on, the way the reconciliation tapped, gave me a legit headache.
I checked and all my GR friends have given it 4+ stars so it's definitely a case of 'it's Me, not the book'.
September 5, 2016
Another good book by an author that's on his way to joining my list of faves.
What I liked
+ Eli/Rob
As individuals, neither of them is perfect (their tendency to lose their temper is one example) and that adds some nuances to the story. The exploration of their relationship was done in a really cool way.
When the book opens, they've been together around 6 months. So, the relationship is still new, but they're past the 'figuring out each other's quirks' moments.
Their dynamic is fascinating in and out of bed. The kind of lovemaking they have is consensually rough most of the time (with Eli being the kinkier of the two.) It's neat to see how the power exchange between Eli and Rob is not at a fixed point. Sometimes, Eli is the dominant partner, handling punishments or rewards. Other times, Rob is the one pushing Eli, making him yield to his will. I really liked their interplay.
Another refreshing thing is that Rob has no issues with Eli being transgender. Despite the fact that we only get to hear how Rob and Eli met and got together, there's no doubt that Eli being a transdude has never been an issue to Rob. It's a subject that does come up a few times in the story and will most probably continue to be something that they will discuss in the future.
+ Good writing
Listen, Metzger has a talent for writing incredibly readable novels. His characters have layers, the ebb and flow of his narrative is v. smooth, and the dialogue doesn't sound fake.
Unlike Spy Stuff the storyline is decidedly adult as all of the characters are past their teenage years.
What I didn't like
- Eli (and Rob) vs. Eli's family
Eli's parents really dislike Rob because he's an ex-con. With Eli's father being in the police and his mother a forensic scientist, their initial weariness towards him is understandable. Their protective behaviour has some validity to it.
But then, Rob feeds into their idea of him being the worst possible boyfriend for their son. He sabotages 99.9999% of Eli's attempts to show his family that Rob is a good person, someone whose days as a petty criminal are in the past. It doesn't help that Rob has some kind of ongoing beef with the police, a type of strong grudge that he can't or isn't willing to get over. I do like that Eli does call Rob on being immature whenever there's a cop around.
For his part, Eli's reactions to his family's rejection of Rob tends to push him into a red zone so intense that he's pretty much throwing tantrums. He's 21 going on 17.
The ongoing drama between Eli and his parents wore me down to the point that I lost interest in it. How it was resolved was sort of cliché, imo.
- Outing NOPETUS
So [Character] accidentally realizes that Eli's transgender and then proceeds to ask all kinds of questions to Eli. IMO, the questions are v. rude (some of which are about his body and sex life.) Because [Character] is portrayed as something of a goof, his curiosity about Eli is supposed to be goodnatured. YMMV.
A few chapters later, Eli's hanging out with a group of people. We find out that [Character] outed Eli as transgender without Eli's consent. The scene itself is played casually and no harm comes to Eli because of the outing. Still, it left a really bad taste in my mouth.
FWIW, [Character] is cisgender and straight and I couldn't help thinking about some cisgender and/or straight people's attitude about outing/coming out of the closet as "not a big deal in this day and age".
It really pissed me off because outing is one of those things that I can't compartmentalize in media or offline/irl.
Nobody has the right to out anyone else. It's a douchy move no matter how it's presented. No one knows the reason(s) why someone might chose to be closeted and there's no reason to force someone out of the closet. Even if it's for "their benefit".
- The fight
There's a huge argument around the 70-75% mark that was so hardcore that I wasn't sure how things were going to get patched up. Metzger took a route that I kinda muppet!faced.
TL;DR: This is a generally cool novel that occasionally stumbles. If you like M/M romances featuring transgender men, this one will really hit the spot. Unfortch, I was disappointed with some of the conflict between Eli and his family. I'd recommend it with caution that some of the conflicts seem to be stuck in a loop.
What I liked
+ Eli/Rob
As individuals, neither of them is perfect (their tendency to lose their temper is one example) and that adds some nuances to the story. The exploration of their relationship was done in a really cool way.
When the book opens, they've been together around 6 months. So, the relationship is still new, but they're past the 'figuring out each other's quirks' moments.
Their dynamic is fascinating in and out of bed. The kind of lovemaking they have is consensually rough most of the time (with Eli being the kinkier of the two.) It's neat to see how the power exchange between Eli and Rob is not at a fixed point. Sometimes, Eli is the dominant partner, handling punishments or rewards. Other times, Rob is the one pushing Eli, making him yield to his will. I really liked their interplay.
Another refreshing thing is that Rob has no issues with Eli being transgender. Despite the fact that we only get to hear how Rob and Eli met and got together, there's no doubt that Eli being a transdude has never been an issue to Rob. It's a subject that does come up a few times in the story and will most probably continue to be something that they will discuss in the future.
+ Good writing
Listen, Metzger has a talent for writing incredibly readable novels. His characters have layers, the ebb and flow of his narrative is v. smooth, and the dialogue doesn't sound fake.
Unlike Spy Stuff the storyline is decidedly adult as all of the characters are past their teenage years.
What I didn't like
- Eli (and Rob) vs. Eli's family
Eli's parents really dislike Rob because he's an ex-con. With Eli's father being in the police and his mother a forensic scientist, their initial weariness towards him is understandable. Their protective behaviour has some validity to it.
But then, Rob feeds into their idea of him being the worst possible boyfriend for their son. He sabotages 99.9999% of Eli's attempts to show his family that Rob is a good person, someone whose days as a petty criminal are in the past. It doesn't help that Rob has some kind of ongoing beef with the police, a type of strong grudge that he can't or isn't willing to get over. I do like that Eli does call Rob on being immature whenever there's a cop around.
For his part, Eli's reactions to his family's rejection of Rob tends to push him into a red zone so intense that he's pretty much throwing tantrums. He's 21 going on 17.
The ongoing drama between Eli and his parents wore me down to the point that I lost interest in it. How it was resolved was sort of cliché, imo.
- Outing NOPETUS
So [Character] accidentally realizes that Eli's transgender and then proceeds to ask all kinds of questions to Eli. IMO, the questions are v. rude (some of which are about his body and sex life.) Because [Character] is portrayed as something of a goof, his curiosity about Eli is supposed to be goodnatured. YMMV.
A few chapters later, Eli's hanging out with a group of people. We find out that [Character] outed Eli as transgender without Eli's consent. The scene itself is played casually and no harm comes to Eli because of the outing. Still, it left a really bad taste in my mouth.
FWIW, [Character] is cisgender and straight and I couldn't help thinking about some cisgender and/or straight people's attitude about outing/coming out of the closet as "not a big deal in this day and age".
It really pissed me off because outing is one of those things that I can't compartmentalize in media or offline/irl.
Nobody has the right to out anyone else. It's a douchy move no matter how it's presented. No one knows the reason(s) why someone might chose to be closeted and there's no reason to force someone out of the closet. Even if it's for "their benefit".
- The fight
There's a huge argument around the 70-75% mark that was so hardcore that I wasn't sure how things were going to get patched up. Metzger took a route that I kinda muppet!faced.
TL;DR: This is a generally cool novel that occasionally stumbles. If you like M/M romances featuring transgender men, this one will really hit the spot. Unfortch, I was disappointed with some of the conflict between Eli and his family. I'd recommend it with caution that some of the conflicts seem to be stuck in a loop.
November 8, 2016
*4,5 stars*
Wow, this was not only brilliantly written, but in many ways unique!
First, we meet the MCs when they are already in a relationship. Eli and Rob have been seeing each other for six months when the book starts. If you think that's odd,well, it is a pretty ingenious ploy of the author because
Second, I have never read about this topic in any other book to such extent. I certainly got the impression that Matthew Metzger gives us a very realistic, genuine depiction of what it is like to be transgender. And how much suffering, rejection and problems come with it. And to what extent you have to go to feel 'normal'. This was such an eye-opener and led me to google some of the issues touched upon in the book. All I can say is (keeping with linguo of the book) - This is some tough sh**!
I really felt for Eli who craves acceptance from his parents and support, but is given very little to none. And this is where Rob comes in - another fascinating character. Again he is not what he 'looks like'. Rough to the point of crude, physically aggressive and threatening and covered in tattoos, he comes across as the archetypal thug. But we soon learn that Rob has a very soft centre. One that likes (God forbid!) to cuddle, that loves affection and tenderness and that deeply cares for Eli.
Rob has accepted Eli lock, stock and barrel, and his unconditional love which goes way beyond the hot sex they have, is what carries Eli through. Although the sex does play a big role in their relationship. There are BDSM elements, some on the heavier side, in their love-making (and that's what it is without any doubt), but they don't take on the classic 'dom/sub' roles. Switching works for them and they are both very good at providing what the other one needs.
Thirdly, I have to mention the language. I have never read a book that had so many f***s in it. I did a search via my kindle (*g* I only learnt recently how to do that) and found that it had been used hundreds of times. :) Not sure if that many were necessary although I understand that it is very much in line with the world our MCs grew up and live in. So if swearing isn't your thing, this book is definitely not for you.
I do admit to rereading quite a bit of the local linguo(particularly Danny's verbal outbursts) to get the meaning!
This book gripped me from the start and never let go. The rift between Eli and his parents upset me a lot. Having a child that has recently started dating I do get the concern of Eli's mum and dad when it comes to Rob. However they're never prepared to give him even the slightest chance. And with both Rob and Eli being short-tempered and easily put out, it is no wonder the issue between the two parties cannot be resolved. I liked that not everything turned hunky-dory at the end. That would have been too unrealistic!
So, an amazing story, realistic characters, a heartfelt plot touching upon an issue hardly discussed in other books and hot sex - what more can you ask for!
Highly recommended!
Wow, this was not only brilliantly written, but in many ways unique!
First, we meet the MCs when they are already in a relationship. Eli and Rob have been seeing each other for six months when the book starts. If you think that's odd,well, it is a pretty ingenious ploy of the author because
Second, I have never read about this topic in any other book to such extent. I certainly got the impression that Matthew Metzger gives us a very realistic, genuine depiction of what it is like to be transgender. And how much suffering, rejection and problems come with it. And to what extent you have to go to feel 'normal'. This was such an eye-opener and led me to google some of the issues touched upon in the book. All I can say is (keeping with linguo of the book) - This is some tough sh**!
I really felt for Eli who craves acceptance from his parents and support, but is given very little to none. And this is where Rob comes in - another fascinating character. Again he is not what he 'looks like'. Rough to the point of crude, physically aggressive and threatening and covered in tattoos, he comes across as the archetypal thug. But we soon learn that Rob has a very soft centre. One that likes (God forbid!) to cuddle, that loves affection and tenderness and that deeply cares for Eli.
Rob has accepted Eli lock, stock and barrel, and his unconditional love which goes way beyond the hot sex they have, is what carries Eli through. Although the sex does play a big role in their relationship. There are BDSM elements, some on the heavier side, in their love-making (and that's what it is without any doubt), but they don't take on the classic 'dom/sub' roles. Switching works for them and they are both very good at providing what the other one needs.
Thirdly, I have to mention the language. I have never read a book that had so many f***s in it. I did a search via my kindle (*g* I only learnt recently how to do that) and found that it had been used hundreds of times. :) Not sure if that many were necessary although I understand that it is very much in line with the world our MCs grew up and live in. So if swearing isn't your thing, this book is definitely not for you.
I do admit to rereading quite a bit of the local linguo(particularly Danny's verbal outbursts) to get the meaning!
This book gripped me from the start and never let go. The rift between Eli and his parents upset me a lot. Having a child that has recently started dating I do get the concern of Eli's mum and dad when it comes to Rob. However they're never prepared to give him even the slightest chance. And with both Rob and Eli being short-tempered and easily put out, it is no wonder the issue between the two parties cannot be resolved. I liked that not everything turned hunky-dory at the end. That would have been too unrealistic!
So, an amazing story, realistic characters, a heartfelt plot touching upon an issue hardly discussed in other books and hot sex - what more can you ask for!
Highly recommended!
March 21, 2022
If you look closely at the community reviews, you'll see most of the readers read this book after loving "Stripped" by K.M. Neuhold. I am not an exception either. "Stripped" was the first trans gay romance book I have ever read. Well, I had read a couple of more before that one but they were YA and Adult. So, after reading and loving "Stripped", I decided to check out more Adult mm romance books with trans gay men as main characters. That's when one of my GR friend recommended this book to me.
"What It Looks Like" features the love story between a trans gay man named Eli whose father is a cop and Eli's boyfriends Rob, a convicted criminal. This book is emtional and heart touching. But when it comes to the romance, I thought it was bland and uninteresting. The writing also didn't work for me. The dialogues were boring. And the amount of swearing! Everyone in this book curses like sailors; even the 5 years old.. I usually don't mind curse words in books but it was too much.
However, the story had some very emotional moment. Some of them made me teary. Still I would not say this book was anything special....
"What It Looks Like" features the love story between a trans gay man named Eli whose father is a cop and Eli's boyfriends Rob, a convicted criminal. This book is emtional and heart touching. But when it comes to the romance, I thought it was bland and uninteresting. The writing also didn't work for me. The dialogues were boring. And the amount of swearing! Everyone in this book curses like sailors; even the 5 years old.. I usually don't mind curse words in books but it was too much.
However, the story had some very emotional moment. Some of them made me teary. Still I would not say this book was anything special....
August 27, 2016
Eli Bell is the son of conservative parents, his father being a policeman. There is a chasm between them that Eli can't seem to hurdle. Bad feelings, constant rows, seem to be the every day norm. Part of the toxic atmosphere, is caused by Eli's boyfriend, Rob Hawkes.
Hawkes has been into petty crime since a very young man. It was the way he kept him and his brother afloat, with a family life that was the stuff of nightmares. The push-pull of trying to keep Rob and his family in his life, is tearing him apart, but Rob gets him. Rob sees him, something Eli needs desperately.
I was completely mesmerized by this story and it's characters. I could barely stand to put it down. It was a malestrom of emotions. The story, the characters were passionate, complicated, complex, and one of the very best books this year, any year. I got you Eli, I really got you.
This won't be for everyone and that's a shame.
Hawkes has been into petty crime since a very young man. It was the way he kept him and his brother afloat, with a family life that was the stuff of nightmares. The push-pull of trying to keep Rob and his family in his life, is tearing him apart, but Rob gets him. Rob sees him, something Eli needs desperately.
I was completely mesmerized by this story and it's characters. I could barely stand to put it down. It was a malestrom of emotions. The story, the characters were passionate, complicated, complex, and one of the very best books this year, any year. I got you Eli, I really got you.
This won't be for everyone and that's a shame.
October 8, 2016
I want to start off saying bravo Metzger!!! This was my first book by him, and I learned so much and really enjoyed it as well. I mean, my first props goes to the realistic feelings that I felt the author was able to get across the pages. This was also my first Transgender book. I didn't even know it was the case, because I just brought and read it on the strength of the cover. I was a little surprised, but then I learned so much and a lot of my questions were answered when reading this. I loved Rob's criminal ass. Haha, he is a bad boy, but so what? He has literally given Eli that life that he's only dreamed of.
Rob is literally every parent's worse dreams for their kids. Ha!!! I would literally fight him over my child. I don't even care to deny it, but for someone's else kid he's amazing. Sure he's had a rocky life, and things weren't handed to him. He had to grow up fast, and take care of his youngest brother by any means necessary. Yeah he's tattooed, doesn't have the best of jobs, fights, and fucks like a beast, but he's also there. When I say there, I mean he listens. It might not have been what you want for a potential mate, but after reading this then I definitely want Rob for my kid. Rob understood Eli when no one in his whole life got it. He accepted it as a gay man, and as a partner for someone he cares about big time. I was literally team Rob all the way. He deserved better treatment from Eli and his family. I mean, he did put up with a lot, but that made me like him even more. I liked the softer side of Rob that we were able to see. I like seeing Rob vulnerable and unsure of himself, because it was a humility that I wasn't sure if he had or not. Well, that's not exactly true because only a person with a heart and conscious would give Eli the $700 pounds needed for his surgery. Only a kind-hearted man would jump in front of a knife to protect his lover and his sister. Only a kind hearted man would encourage his partner to achieve their dreams and not to let his fears dominate his life. I mean if Rob is that bad, then I want me one. He just needs a little love, and encouragement. I know, I just gushed over Rob, and I literally don't do that to new characters but this book was super impactful to me.
Eli, Eli, Eli. I have a love/hate relationship with you. Sweetie, you were just to angry for me. Argh, so many times, I was on your side. I got why you had these feelings, and were mad at your family. I just thought it was completely unfair at times to not hear them out. I do think it was maybe childish to throw these temper tantrums so much. I get it, they never accepted your transition. Call it being ignorant to the cause. I thought you were great for Rob, but then you went and decided to be your parents. The one time Rob needed you, you switched teams and automatically thought he was guilty. I was with Rob on he needed space. I mean, he was going out his way time and time again for you. To prove himself to your family, out of love and respect but you weren't their for him that one time. I mean, I liked Eli as a flawed character. This was his first major relationship. He was dealing with a lot. He was dealing with finally finding someone who accepted him, and enjoyed his kink as well. He was dealing with not having the close relationship to his family. He had to deal with hearing all these bad things about Rob, and trying to see if it was all worth it.
When it's all said and done I think it was very well put together story. I loved the pacing of the story. I enjoyed the ups and downs of everyone in here. I think it's super cool to see all different facets of life. I learned alot, and this story was super insightful. I think these characters were so realistically done. I loved the genuine feelings that I get while reading these. I liked knowing that someone out there can relate to these characters. I thought the writing was very good. One of my favorite things were the crassness of the story. Gosh, potty mouths were everywhere. It was vey British and very me. I look forward to reading more from this author. Very enjoyable and highly recommend it!!!!
September 29, 2016
This book started when the MCs Eli and Rob were already six months in their relationship. So instead of the usual first-get-to-know and come-together plot, the story focused on Eli's desire to live his love for Rob in peace, without losing his family.
Eli, early twenties, still lived with his conservative parents. His father a police chief inspector and his mother a forensic scientist. While Eli's parents surly loved him and cared for him, they weren't able to accept, let alone understand him, weren't willing to support him on his difficult path .
So there was already a deep gap between them when Rob came into Eli's life. Rob, the ex-con! And Eli's parents were immediately full of prejudices, only seeing Rob's record.
Now, there are books, where I have a great time reading them. And after the last page, I close them with a smile on my face, and then I just open the next one and the book is no longer on my mind.
Not so with What It Looks Like. I'm sure this book will stay on my mind for some time to come.
The characters were so special, complex and none of them perfect. While I loved most parts of this book, I also felt sometimes uncomfortable. There was a lot of swearing and fighting, the relationship was volatile and I didn't like that Rob was still a little bit on the wrong side of the law and Eli was okay with it.
But what really fascinated me, was this special love between Eli and Rob. They both had bottled up a lot of anger, they both were lonely in their innermost, they both had to deal with a lot of insecurities, and this caused them to lash out, to fight and to hurt. There were a lot of raw emotions. But they also had so wonderful, tender moments.
And the absolutely most special and important was, that they both could see, accept and love the real, true person in each other.
Oh Eli, I hope a lot of people will read your story and get you like Rob did!
Eli, early twenties, still lived with his conservative parents. His father a police chief inspector and his mother a forensic scientist. While Eli's parents surly loved him and cared for him, they weren't able to accept, let alone understand him, weren't willing to support him on his difficult path .
So there was already a deep gap between them when Rob came into Eli's life. Rob, the ex-con! And Eli's parents were immediately full of prejudices, only seeing Rob's record.
Now, there are books, where I have a great time reading them. And after the last page, I close them with a smile on my face, and then I just open the next one and the book is no longer on my mind.
Not so with What It Looks Like. I'm sure this book will stay on my mind for some time to come.
The characters were so special, complex and none of them perfect. While I loved most parts of this book, I also felt sometimes uncomfortable. There was a lot of swearing and fighting, the relationship was volatile and I didn't like that Rob was still a little bit on the wrong side of the law and Eli was okay with it.
But what really fascinated me, was this special love between Eli and Rob. They both had bottled up a lot of anger, they both were lonely in their innermost, they both had to deal with a lot of insecurities, and this caused them to lash out, to fight and to hurt. There were a lot of raw emotions. But they also had so wonderful, tender moments.
And the absolutely most special and important was, that they both could see, accept and love the real, true person in each other.
Oh Eli, I hope a lot of people will read your story and get you like Rob did!
September 23, 2016
Full review to come on the blog.
But this was in the main a terrific read.
Merged review:
A fierce, passionate and uplifting slice of one couples relationship and the issues that surround it.
I loved much of this, the authors voice, the northerness of the setting and dialogue, Eli and Rob's dynamic and the versatility of it, Rob's love for Eli.
I liked more: Rob and Eli's relationships with their siblings, Rob's extended family, the very real feel that Rob and Eli's arguments had, and how very sex positive the book is.
What let it down, for me, was that the resolution felt planted on, as though someone thought that the book wouldn't work unless every loose end were tied up with a bow, especially when parts of this book felt achingly real. However this was partially redeemed by the epilogue, and I'm not normally a fan of those.
If you like real, passionate and uplifting romances then this is for you.
Full review on the blog, later
But this was in the main a terrific read.
Merged review:
A fierce, passionate and uplifting slice of one couples relationship and the issues that surround it.
I loved much of this, the authors voice, the northerness of the setting and dialogue, Eli and Rob's dynamic and the versatility of it, Rob's love for Eli.
I liked more: Rob and Eli's relationships with their siblings, Rob's extended family, the very real feel that Rob and Eli's arguments had, and how very sex positive the book is.
What let it down, for me, was that the resolution felt planted on, as though someone thought that the book wouldn't work unless every loose end were tied up with a bow, especially when parts of this book felt achingly real. However this was partially redeemed by the epilogue, and I'm not normally a fan of those.
If you like real, passionate and uplifting romances then this is for you.
Full review on the blog, later
December 13, 2016
My Secret Santa is the best, thank you!! xx
4.5 stars, I loved this, and it deserves a much better review than I feel like doing right now, so better review later. But I did want to mention once more how much I appreciated the gift from my Secret Santa! ❤️
4.5 stars, I loved this, and it deserves a much better review than I feel like doing right now, so better review later. But I did want to mention once more how much I appreciated the gift from my Secret Santa! ❤️
March 25, 2020
So this is where I fell in love with Matthew Metzger.
I loved this book. I loved everything about it. It was tempting to skip the sex scenes in the last third of the book, not because it was sex heavy or they weren't well-written, well-paced and very hot, but because everything else was so interesting I just wanted to see how it was all going to play out.
I love the part of a relationship that comes after the HFN, and that's what we get here. The MCs are in a committed relationship at the start of the novel and have been together for six months, and I think that was a great decision.
We get little nuggets of how they met and key moments in their relationship story, so we still get a full picture of their relationship, and it's new enough that they're just now getting to the really interesting part. (Although I would desperately love to get a glimpse of their first two dates because I cannot even imagine Rob on a first date!!)
They are clearly perfect for each other, but they're still not perfect. This is 100% realism of what it takes for two strong personalities from completely different backgrounds who ultimately want the same thing to make it work in a way that will make them both happy and healthy.
They are young (21/24), so there's some cringe-worthy immaturity at times, and they don't always get it right the first time, but there's pure love and acceptance underneath, so it's a joy to experience these two absolutely crazy, nutball and therefore totally normal humans trying to get it right.
There was a lot of talk about the family angst in other reviews that had me a little worried, but it was a completely different flavor of angst than I was expecting, which made it much easier for me to read.
Eli and his father argue A LOT. It is a major part of the story. His dad is a total ass, but they aren't fighting about Eli's sexuality, it's not violent and it's not coming from a place of hate. Eli's father is a police officer and he cannot see past Rob's criminal record and tattoos to the real person at his core.
There's prejudice there, but it's not homophobic, and as narrow-minded and absolutely infuriating as his parents are, they are genuinely acting out of love for their child. They're wrong, and they're going about it all wrong, but it was a lot easier for me to read about than what I had feared.
Another thing that helped was just Eli being Eli. He is such a strong, self-assured character. He wants his family to see Rob for he who is for Rob's sake and for the sake of maintaining positive relations with them, but he does not waver or question or worry unnecessarily because of the BS his father is spouting. It just pisses him off, he says so very clearly and repeatedly every time it comes up, and he continues to live his life as he wants.
Eli is just such a fucking fantastic trans character. He KNOWS who he is and he fights for what he wants and he also cocks it all up on occasion because he's 21 years old. He and Rob are both just so fully realized and real, I still feel like they're out there somewhere living their lives. And I'm cheering for them :) LOVED IT
I loved this book. I loved everything about it. It was tempting to skip the sex scenes in the last third of the book, not because it was sex heavy or they weren't well-written, well-paced and very hot, but because everything else was so interesting I just wanted to see how it was all going to play out.
I love the part of a relationship that comes after the HFN, and that's what we get here. The MCs are in a committed relationship at the start of the novel and have been together for six months, and I think that was a great decision.
We get little nuggets of how they met and key moments in their relationship story, so we still get a full picture of their relationship, and it's new enough that they're just now getting to the really interesting part. (Although I would desperately love to get a glimpse of their first two dates because I cannot even imagine Rob on a first date!!)
They are clearly perfect for each other, but they're still not perfect. This is 100% realism of what it takes for two strong personalities from completely different backgrounds who ultimately want the same thing to make it work in a way that will make them both happy and healthy.
They are young (21/24), so there's some cringe-worthy immaturity at times, and they don't always get it right the first time, but there's pure love and acceptance underneath, so it's a joy to experience these two absolutely crazy, nutball and therefore totally normal humans trying to get it right.
There was a lot of talk about the family angst in other reviews that had me a little worried, but it was a completely different flavor of angst than I was expecting, which made it much easier for me to read.
Eli and his father argue A LOT. It is a major part of the story. His dad is a total ass, but they aren't fighting about Eli's sexuality, it's not violent and it's not coming from a place of hate. Eli's father is a police officer and he cannot see past Rob's criminal record and tattoos to the real person at his core.
There's prejudice there, but it's not homophobic, and as narrow-minded and absolutely infuriating as his parents are, they are genuinely acting out of love for their child. They're wrong, and they're going about it all wrong, but it was a lot easier for me to read about than what I had feared.
Another thing that helped was just Eli being Eli. He is such a strong, self-assured character. He wants his family to see Rob for he who is for Rob's sake and for the sake of maintaining positive relations with them, but he does not waver or question or worry unnecessarily because of the BS his father is spouting. It just pisses him off, he says so very clearly and repeatedly every time it comes up, and he continues to live his life as he wants.
Eli is just such a fucking fantastic trans character. He KNOWS who he is and he fights for what he wants and he also cocks it all up on occasion because he's 21 years old. He and Rob are both just so fully realized and real, I still feel like they're out there somewhere living their lives. And I'm cheering for them :) LOVED IT
October 31, 2016
A Joyfully Jay review.
4.75 stars
Ok, I’ll admit that this was one of those books that grabbed me from the cover. It just looked so hot and brooding and dirty that I was drawn in immediately. And to my delight, that description fits this story quite well. There is a grit and intensity to Rob and Eli’s interactions, not to mention a crazy heat, that I totally loved. But even better, underneath all of that is a sweet tenderness that pulls it all together so nicely.
This is a book where the title really sums things up perfectly. Or more accurately, where the title is very specifically the opposite of reality. Because this book is all about looking beneath the surface, about seeing who a person really is beyond appearances. And Matthew J. Metger does a wonderful job of capturing that theme and threading it through the book. First off we have Rob. Like I said, he is dark and brooding with huge muscles and tattoos all over. He is quite rough around the edges, easy to incite to anger, and often leads with his fists (though never against Eli). Rob has been in trouble with the law off and on with some burglary, weed dealing, and bar fights. And these things are all that Eli’s parents can see. They are worried for Eli and afraid he will get hurt and so their protectiveness turns into hatred of Rob.
Read Jay’s review in its entirety here.
4.75 stars
Ok, I’ll admit that this was one of those books that grabbed me from the cover. It just looked so hot and brooding and dirty that I was drawn in immediately. And to my delight, that description fits this story quite well. There is a grit and intensity to Rob and Eli’s interactions, not to mention a crazy heat, that I totally loved. But even better, underneath all of that is a sweet tenderness that pulls it all together so nicely.
This is a book where the title really sums things up perfectly. Or more accurately, where the title is very specifically the opposite of reality. Because this book is all about looking beneath the surface, about seeing who a person really is beyond appearances. And Matthew J. Metger does a wonderful job of capturing that theme and threading it through the book. First off we have Rob. Like I said, he is dark and brooding with huge muscles and tattoos all over. He is quite rough around the edges, easy to incite to anger, and often leads with his fists (though never against Eli). Rob has been in trouble with the law off and on with some burglary, weed dealing, and bar fights. And these things are all that Eli’s parents can see. They are worried for Eli and afraid he will get hurt and so their protectiveness turns into hatred of Rob.
Read Jay’s review in its entirety here.
September 9, 2016
This is my first book from this author and I really enjoyed it. I must say that I was thrown for a loop while reading it (if you've read it you know what I mean) and it left me a little shocked for a moment lol
I really loved Rob, but Eli would get on my nerves from time to time. His family dynamic was crazy (at least to me). I'm giving Eli the benefit of the doubt as I know that the tension between Rob and his family weighed heavily on his mind. Everyone definitely spoke from the heart and never left anything on the table. I thought this was raw and gritty and also really soft and intimate with a little BDSM thrown into the mix.
I really loved Rob, but Eli would get on my nerves from time to time. His family dynamic was crazy (at least to me). I'm giving Eli the benefit of the doubt as I know that the tension between Rob and his family weighed heavily on his mind. Everyone definitely spoke from the heart and never left anything on the table. I thought this was raw and gritty and also really soft and intimate with a little BDSM thrown into the mix.
March 25, 2017
I decided to read this book based on Judith's review: and I am so incredibly glad I did.
I had to wait a day before I wrote this review, I wanted to be at my keyboard not using my Kindle so I could properly articulate what I wanted to say without having to mess about with a touchscreen!
Wow, just wow. This is book is quite simply staggeringly good. It looks at so many different aspects of a relationship and parses them all into a coherent story of two imperfect perfect people, Eli and Rob, and the multitude of others that surround them.
It's set in my beloved Yorkshire for a lot of the book, that's also something you don't often find in an MM romance.
Eli is not your typical male "hero", he's the son of a Police Chief Inspector and a forensic scientist and his boyfriend Rob is a man with a criminal past who has spent time in prison. Eli is slender and yet he's the one who holds the power in the dynamic and Rob has been more supportive of Eli than any of his own family were.
The power exchanges between the two are fascinating to read, they're hot as hell too, and seriously kinky, the BDSM is well done here, it's an integral part of how the two men communicate but it's also harsh at times and sometimes it's brutal. But it's also powerfully beautiful, emotionally supportive, loving and affectionate.
This isn't a conventional romance, but it absolutely is a romance. The two men support each other and provide the encouragement for each to improve their lives, Rob wants Eli to go back to art college, something his family have dismissed as a waste of time as it wouldn't lead to a proper career, Eli helps Rob stop with his petty criminal activities (it's selling weed and a bit of distribution of stolen goods).
The language is also harsh, it may be difficult to understand for none native English speakers (and some English speakers!) as it has a lot of Yorkshire dialect usage, but it's incredibly realistic and Metzger should be commended (speaking as a Yorkshire girl :) ) for how accurate he portrays life in both Sheffield and the surrounding area.
Don't expect hearts and flowers, you won't get them here as such, but you will get a lot of unexpected love and an ending which is surprising but also honest.
I had to wait a day before I wrote this review, I wanted to be at my keyboard not using my Kindle so I could properly articulate what I wanted to say without having to mess about with a touchscreen!
Wow, just wow. This is book is quite simply staggeringly good. It looks at so many different aspects of a relationship and parses them all into a coherent story of two imperfect perfect people, Eli and Rob, and the multitude of others that surround them.
It's set in my beloved Yorkshire for a lot of the book, that's also something you don't often find in an MM romance.
Eli is not your typical male "hero", he's the son of a Police Chief Inspector and a forensic scientist and his boyfriend Rob is a man with a criminal past who has spent time in prison. Eli is slender and yet he's the one who holds the power in the dynamic and Rob has been more supportive of Eli than any of his own family were.
The power exchanges between the two are fascinating to read, they're hot as hell too, and seriously kinky, the BDSM is well done here, it's an integral part of how the two men communicate but it's also harsh at times and sometimes it's brutal. But it's also powerfully beautiful, emotionally supportive, loving and affectionate.
This isn't a conventional romance, but it absolutely is a romance. The two men support each other and provide the encouragement for each to improve their lives, Rob wants Eli to go back to art college, something his family have dismissed as a waste of time as it wouldn't lead to a proper career, Eli helps Rob stop with his petty criminal activities (it's selling weed and a bit of distribution of stolen goods).
The language is also harsh, it may be difficult to understand for none native English speakers (and some English speakers!) as it has a lot of Yorkshire dialect usage, but it's incredibly realistic and Metzger should be commended (speaking as a Yorkshire girl :) ) for how accurate he portrays life in both Sheffield and the surrounding area.
Don't expect hearts and flowers, you won't get them here as such, but you will get a lot of unexpected love and an ending which is surprising but also honest.
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