When Someone You Know Is Living in a Dementia Care Community: Words to Say and Things to Do

by Rachael Wonderlin

Life changes dramatically for the entire family when the decision is made to move a person who has dementia from home to community care. Rachael Wonderlin, a gerontologist, dementia care expert, and popular dementia care blogger, helps caregivers cope with the difficult behaviors, emotions, and anxieties that both they and their loved one may experience. Writing from her own practice and drawing on the latest research in gerontology and dementia, Wonderlin explains the different kinds of dementia, details the wide range of care communities available for people who have dementia, and speaks empathetically to the worry and guilt many families feel. "Do not let anyone make you feel like you have taken the ‘easy way out’ by choosing a dementia care community," she writes. "You are still going to deal with a lot of challenging behaviors, concerns, and questions regarding your loved one’s care." When Someone You Know Is Living in a Dementia Care Community is an accessible guide offering answers to such questions · How do I choose a place for my loved one to live?· What can I find out by visiting a candidate memory-care community twice?· What do I do if my loved one asks about going home?· How can I improve the quality of my visits?· What is the best way to handle conflict between residents, or between the resident and staff?· How can I cope with my loved one’s sundowning?· What do I do if my loved one starts a romantic relationship with another resident? An indispensable book for family members and friends of people with dementia, When Someone You Know is Living in a Dementia Care Community touches the heart while explaining how to make a difficult situation better.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help

224 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 9, 2016

Reviews

[Danica · Rating 5 out of 5]

For at least 18 years of my life, I've either had a loved one living in a dementia care community or was working at one myself. Anyone who knows or cares for someone with dementia should read this book. Rachael finds a way to simply and eloquently state so many of the things I've spent years trying to explain, and she offers strategies I've never considered. The greatest thing about this book is Rachael's ability to reframe situations, finding the light where most see darkness. Even if your loved one is far from ready to move to a dementia care community, you will find plenty of insight and strategies for building better relationships in this book.

[Kemlo · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subtitle of this book, "Words to Say and Things to Do," describes why I read this book about dementia care communities (also known as assisted living or nursing homes, depending on the level of care). Someone I know was diagnosed with vascular dementia—similar but not the same as Alzheimer's disease—and I wanted to know what to expect and how to help. This book helped me to see why some of the things I might have thought were a good idea (trying to remind the person of what he'd forgotten, for example) might actually be harmful. I'm glad I read the book because I believe it will help me to be a better companion to my loved one as the disease progresses, and it will help me to spot warning signs if the community where he will be living isn't as good for him as we're hoping it will be.

I'd highly recommend this short and easy-to-read book to anyone who is struggling to figure out how to help a family member or loved one who suffers from dementia. It's filled with brief anecdotes, real-life examples of what someone with dementia might experience.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extremely practical advice for how to deal with a family member who is in care for dementia, and how care staff and family can do well or badly with a number of given issues and situations and transitions. Almost all books about having family members with dementia are directed to caregivers, this is the only one I found that is not but is perfectly suited to my situation.

Generally the advice is to go along with whatever reality the person is living in - definitely do not try to talk sense into them! If they think they're 35 and have to go to work soon, let them think that and tell them you'll help them get ready; they'll forget in ten minutes anyway. If they don't know who you are, it's not because they've forgotten you exist but because in their reality you're probably a lot younger. One interesting point was that there will come a time when calling them 'mom' or 'dad' will make no sense to them and cause upset, so you may need to transition to calling them by their first name. Redirect and distract rather than confront and correct...

The only complaint I had was that she starts by going through all the different kinds of dementia, and basically says "if it's not vascular, or lewy body, or frontotemporal lobar, then it's Alzheimer's. The book by Tia Powell was more nuanced on this subject, probably because she is a doctor, talking about the complexities of defining Alzheimer's and stating that not all senile dementia is Alzheimer's... I don't think it really matters when deciding how to respond to any given situation, but I'm not sure that part was scientifically accurate.

[carla · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very practical and inspiring read on dealing with a loved one who has dementia. While the title of the book is about living in a dementia care community, the book covers many aspects of caregiving and is incredibly empathetic to those who are suffering from dementia or caretaking those who do. There are plenty of examples and Ms. Wonderlin points out ways each situation could have been better handled.

[D Arlando · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's nothing like it available.

In the intro, Rachael shares a list of 16 Things I Would Want If I Got Dementia. That list is an early example of the care she put into writing a book centered on your friend or family member suffering from dementia. There's nothing like this book available. So, if you desperately want to place them in a supportive community and transition into a environment they need, this is the book to read, digest, and follow.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, very well written resource for anyone with a family member or friend living in a memory care community. Highly recommend. The information in this book might help you understand the situation and have a more satisfactory visit with the person you care about.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

read this book

this is the book you are looking for if you are caring for a loved one with dementia. it provides answers and assurances. you too can cope

[Noreen Dougherty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very simple and straightforward language. Some good insights that will help in my work in assisted living.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I work for a private care management company. Most of our clients are seniors and many live with dementia. We help families manage care and often are asked to help with the decision and the move of loved ones into care communities. I say all this to explain the world Rachael writes about is very familiar to me. Not to mention I am my sister’s care giver as she lives in a care community. However, I learned so much that I didn’t know reading Rachael’s book. She does an excellent job talking about every aspect of the decision process. She thoroughly discusses issues that often arise in care communities and gives realistic solutions to them. I am very excited to be able to recommend this book to families I work with. A fantastic reference book.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book contains a lot of excellent advice for interacting with a person with dementia. It's well written and concise. I read it in a single sitting and used the advice the next day with my mother. While looking at books on this topic, I considered a second book that urged empathy. But empathy is not practical and will burn you out. It's compassion and kindness that are needed and this book makes use of both of those. By the way, a great book that tackles the empathy vs compassion debate is Against Empathy by Paul Bloom.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 stars

[Emily Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachael Wonderlin’s book, When Someone You Know Is Living in a Dementia Community, is well-written and she definitely “gets it.” It’s full of tips about how to have good visits with someone in a dementia care facility, how to deal with staff, how to keep someone with dementia happy and reduce their anxiety, and how to make interactions with them rewarding for you, too. Rachael has worked at several dementia care units and clearly loves working with this population. She’s a good problem solver and has a lot of patience and empathy. I highly recommend picking up a copy if you know someone with dementia or know a caregiver of someone with dementia.