So...
Um...
Yeah.
The art was spectacular. The story too much on the nose, for the most part. I suppose where it strays from reality for me was when daughter confronts her dad and he has a sort of "what have I done" moment and then she moves on with her life and begins her process of healing. This was a little too simplistic for me and didn't match what I've experienced or encountered with others, which is closer to confrontation leads to denial, more abuse, chastisement, criticism, hatred etc. and "healing" simply means getting better at ignoring it, rationalizing how it made you feel and act, recognizing when it's influencing your current situation and choices. He did sort of hit that point. However, most of the book really did ring true. It was spectacularly researched.
I sort of picked this one up at random 'cause I liked the art and the rat is ridiculously cute and I was not expecting such a difficult read. Perhaps if I knew what was coming, I would have been able to prepare myself and I wouldn't have been so upset by it. But I really was.
In the end, the author talks about his research for this one and there was a few passages that I thought were especially illuminating. He quotes Miriam Saphira in "The Sexual Abuse of Children," where she says "The first step towards prevention and to provision of supportive services for the girls who've been abused is bringing abuse into the open...Incest is not taboo. It seems that talking about incest is the real taboo."
He continues "It's only recently that abuse has been openly discussed in some small way in the media, and there's a backlash of opinion about even this. People don't want to hear it, don't want to think about it...This backlash is often expressed in dismissive terms, as if we all know about the subject now and there's no point bringing it up again. Sexual abuse occurs a great deal more frequently than murder, but watch television for a night, pick up a novel, go to the cinema, and what do you see? But then, talking about murder is not taboo."
I've never specifically talked about my abuse in an open forum like this before. I worry about what people will think of me (or my family) when they know and what if future employers read this? I imagine the world's grimace, the one I've seen on the faces of friends when I've finally mentioned what happened to me. And I just NOW realize at the moment that I'm typing this that the reason why nearly 2 decades later I'm still thinking like this is because despite the fact that I can logically conquer the shame I felt as a child, I still carry it inside of me in some form and I believe that others will judge me for speaking up. Not for being abused, but for having the audacity to show my family's "dirty laundry," which we just don't do. Shouldn't I be ashamed of sharing my family's secrets? Isn't it a huge betrayal? Not to mention it's about sex. We don't talk about sex when it's happy healthy sex, let alone rape and/or incest. Are we afraid that if we talk about it, we'll get desensitized to it? Or as long as we don't know about it, then we're not accepting it?
I remember trying to find someone to talk to about all this and finding it incredibly difficult. Even the counselor at school said "I can't deal with this," and promptly escorted me out of her office. That is literally and exactly what happened. So is there a taboo about talking about this? Oh yes. Definitely. And that taboo leads to more children feeling like they should be quiet, that it is shameful, like a bad word, like no one cares, like they should shut up and get over it 'cause they would if they were strong enough and smart enough, like it's their fault. Why would they feel afraid to talk if it wasn't their fault? Why do people get uncomfortable and look at them like that when they say something? Even nice, sympathetic people. Why do they make nice people and their friends uncomfortable? They should just keep it to themselves. It's all really gross. The cycle repeats.
If it makes you uncomfortable to just to hear about it, how do you imagine someone LIVED through it?
There's a good chance this book will make you uncomfortable. But that's okay, let it. It SHOULD be unnerving. The author used transcripts of interviews with abuse survivors, to let the victims speak for themselves. Practice listening to it. We NEED you to be prepared to hear it. If you cringe and change the subject, it just makes us feel worse.
We're reaching out for support.
"It's been estimated that one in three girls will be molested before they're 18. Approximately 90% of that abuse is committed, not by the stereotypical stranger in the rain coat, haunter of the schoolgates, but by a close, male relative. And less than one in twenty of reported offenders are prosecuted." I heard this one before, but I think it's good to repeat.
Thank you, Bryan Talbot and Dark Horse and everyone else who made this comic happen. Truly. I've never loved to hate a book so much.