All my theory complete 166k words by courfee on ao3 4🌟
I just finished this Jegulus fanfic that completely delivered everything I wanted. It was the definition of a slow-burn romance—so well done that I had butterflies the entire time. The relationship between the main characters was built so naturally, from their playful flirting to their heartfelt letters and Quidditch matches. Their first kiss didn’t even happen until 80% through the fic, but the wait was perfect. The build-up made every moment so much more meaningful.
Regulus completely stole my heart. His insecurities were written so well, and they absolutely broke me. I connected with him so much, and it made me furious when others hurt him. For once, I wanted people to beg for his forgiveness. I love Sirius, but he made so many mistakes, and I really wanted to see him apologize properly. James hurt Regulus, too, in a way that confirmed all of Regulus’ insecurities, and I don’t think he deserved to be forgiven so quickly. That part felt rushed because Regulus deserved more, especially considering how much he’d been through.
That said, the story handled James and Sirius’ friendship so well. Their co-dependence and how James confided in Sirius were beautifully written. It added so much depth, even if it hurt to see how often Regulus was left out or treated like an afterthought. The Black brothers’ relationship especially crushed me. Regulus feeling like he was always Sirius’ last choice? That was brutal. Their dynamic was written so heartbreakingly well.
There were a few things I wish the story had done differently, though. The other Marauders barely appeared in the second half, which felt odd after they were more present early on. And Barty? He really needed to apologize to Regulus. His behavior was uncomfortable, and I wish that had been addressed. Pandora, though, was a highlight—she was such a joy to read.
The ending also felt a little rushed, and I think the story could’ve been even better if it had been longer. I wanted to see more time spent on Sirius apologizing or James earning Regulus’ forgiveness.
Still, I can’t deny how much I loved this fic. It was emotional, beautifully written, and Regulus really shined. He deserved more, he made the whole story so special. I’m so grateful to the author for creating this. It’s a story that is on my fav Marauder fanfic list!
quotes:
Regulus Black felt emotions in secret. It was the only way to survive in the Noble House of Black. To display emotions was to die. He knew that. His brother did not. James Potter felt emotions exposingly loud. There was no way to escape the feelings seeping out of everything he said, everything he did, everything he so much as touched. It all screamed out at Regulus, asking for attention, unforgivingly there.
Ultimately, however, there was nothing in number twelve, Grimmauld Place, that Sirius cared about enough to save. Regulus was the living proof for that.
James had grown up being loved every second of his life and thus had learned to grow love like dandelions on a footpath. If there was one thing he was actually good at (and really, he was good at many things) it was loving. To him giving love was a necessity.
Sometimes he felt like he might explode if he couldn’t show someone how much he loved them. Sometimes every possible offering of affection was not enough to sufficiently convey what he meant, what he felt. Sometimes the love he held was simply too big for himself and having to keep it inside was physically draining.
James hated having to give Sirius physical space. It wasn’t needed, usually. When they were together, they were alone. They existed as one. They didn’t need a real, actual distance between them. People rarely used one of their names without the other, because where one of them was the other was too. Most of the time they were attached to each other’s hip as closely as two friends could be without actually being sewn together.
“James, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him, but I already have. I hate him so much, for all the things he’s done, more so for the things he hasn’t done. But most of all I hate him because I still love him so much.”
After all the things that had happened, how did Sirius still manage to make Regulus’ life more difficult? How did he have such an enormous influence on his existence, without even existing in it himself?
James realised then, that even if he lost his heart now that he had given it to Lily and had to let it go, it would not change this. Because even if someone removed his heart, deprived him of every means a human had to love, he would still love Sirius. James’ love for him went deeper than anything ever could. It was woven through his veins, flowed molten through his blood, made up the very atoms he was made of.
The people studying love in the Department of Mysteries would only have to look at the cells that made up his body to see what love was composed of. James thought that if his love for Sirius disappeared, so would he. There was no James Potter without love for Sirius Black.
“Don’t just love people because you might get love in return. Love them because that’s what you do and they deserve the love.”
Why did James get to have all of that? Why did James get to have Sirius’ love and Regulus didn’t? Why was Regulus not enough for Sirius to love? All Regulus had ever done his entire life was try, try to be enough, but he never was.
James held onto his waist out of pure instinct and then Regulus’ lips were on his and time stopped. Oh, James thought, Oh, this is it. This. This. This is what he was always meant to do.
I’ll be there for you. I won’t let you discard yourself, I’ve already built a little shelf inside of me to keep you in.
“You’re so beautiful,” James breathed. “I wish I had the proper words to compare you to all the pretty things in the world but I really don’t, it doesn’t work. You remind me of summer rain. The nice one when all I want to do is run barefoot outside and just let it soak through me. I want to absorb all of you, Reg. And I want to compare you to the stars but that feels unjust, even more so because you’re literally one and I don’t even know which one. I know nothing about Astronomy, but when I look at you I want to learn all of it. I want to know everything about you, Regulus.”
That night when Regulus went to bed, for the first time in a while without having kissed James goodnight, he thought about how lucky he was, getting to have this in his life. His own bit of sunlight. If he reminded James of summer rain, then only because it was James who warmed him up from the inside out first.
“You haven’t lost me. You just stopped looking for me.”
“I love you too,” Regulus said. A whisper, still, but in the smile that spread across James’ face it resounded like a shout.
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