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Millennial Fail
Thinking everyone's out to get you.
Knowing that they are.
This is the mantra of Rogers Dunleavy, a 19-year old college student hobbled by Pervasive Development Disorder (PDD) a form of high-functioning autism. Rogers has spent his formative years trying to avoid self-sabotage, at which he usually fails. His high school commencement speech traumatizes everyone in the crowd. His first year of college, he's accused of stalking a faculty member. Emotionally wrecked, Rogers transfers to a mediocre university where he tries to escape his troubles via his obsessive collection of old vinyl LPs that he drags around with him. But Rogers' hermetic plan is disrupted when he meets Shelly, the self-proclaimed “71st hottest girl in America.” Shelly is trysting with Earl, a disillusioned political science professor whom she pursued with zealous determination. Embarrassed by the utter cliche' of a teacher sleeping with a student, Earl keeps hoping Shelly will get bored and end things except his indifference only makes her stay around longer.
When Rogers finds out Shelly is bedding Earl, he tells her, "you're going to be eaten by rats." But after he rescues her from a night in jail, the two strike up an unusual friendship that results in chaste cuddling sessions. “I can’t think of anyone I enjoy NOT having sex with than you,” Shelly tells Rogers. But things begin falling apart as Rogers gets sucked into Shelly's disintegrating relationship with Earl when the professor becomes embroiled in a lawsuit with a former graduate student. Meanwhile, Rogers' counselor, Karen, makes him confront the alleged stalking case that drove him from his prior college. When the truth is revealed, it's more shocking than anyone imagined.
MILLENNIAL FAIL is a dark comic examination of young adults struggling with contemporary college life - stress, prescription meds, cell phone addiction, crushing debt - as they search for stability amid a future that virtually guarantees they’ll be living at home with their parents after graduation.
Knowing that they are.
This is the mantra of Rogers Dunleavy, a 19-year old college student hobbled by Pervasive Development Disorder (PDD) a form of high-functioning autism. Rogers has spent his formative years trying to avoid self-sabotage, at which he usually fails. His high school commencement speech traumatizes everyone in the crowd. His first year of college, he's accused of stalking a faculty member. Emotionally wrecked, Rogers transfers to a mediocre university where he tries to escape his troubles via his obsessive collection of old vinyl LPs that he drags around with him. But Rogers' hermetic plan is disrupted when he meets Shelly, the self-proclaimed “71st hottest girl in America.” Shelly is trysting with Earl, a disillusioned political science professor whom she pursued with zealous determination. Embarrassed by the utter cliche' of a teacher sleeping with a student, Earl keeps hoping Shelly will get bored and end things except his indifference only makes her stay around longer.
When Rogers finds out Shelly is bedding Earl, he tells her, "you're going to be eaten by rats." But after he rescues her from a night in jail, the two strike up an unusual friendship that results in chaste cuddling sessions. “I can’t think of anyone I enjoy NOT having sex with than you,” Shelly tells Rogers. But things begin falling apart as Rogers gets sucked into Shelly's disintegrating relationship with Earl when the professor becomes embroiled in a lawsuit with a former graduate student. Meanwhile, Rogers' counselor, Karen, makes him confront the alleged stalking case that drove him from his prior college. When the truth is revealed, it's more shocking than anyone imagined.
MILLENNIAL FAIL is a dark comic examination of young adults struggling with contemporary college life - stress, prescription meds, cell phone addiction, crushing debt - as they search for stability amid a future that virtually guarantees they’ll be living at home with their parents after graduation.
211 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 17, 2016
1 person want to read
About the author
Tom Reynolds
5 books5 followers"There are many great humour writers alive now. If essays in particular and a savage outlook are your thing, here’s the best. Read the collected Merrill Markoe, Jon Ronson, Mark Steel, Cintra Wilson, Dave Barry, Craig Brown, John Crace, Tim Dowling, Guy Browning, Patricia Marx, Will Ferguson, Bill Bryson, TOM REYNOLDS, Paul Rudnick, Ian Frazier, John O’Farrell, Armando Iannucci and Nicholas Lezard....Tom Reynolds’ I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE is a painful analysis of the American pop ballad, a comedy classic."
- Toronto Star columnist Heather Mallick in THE GUARDIAN, June 25, 2013
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: "Ten Things We Love This Week"
3. I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE, by Tom Reynolds
"This roundup of 52 of the most maudlin songs ever penned, from Manilow to Metallica, will move you to tears of despair — or shrieks of helpless laughter."
DANNY HUTTON, co-founder-THREE DOG NIGHT: "A cunning, devastating autopsy . . . I found myself strangely attracted."
SEB HUNTER, author, HELL BENT FOR LEATHER and ROCK ME, AMADEUS: "Here is incontrovertible proof that pop stars are all healthy, well-adjusted individuals. I laughed and self-harmed in equal measure."
PLAYBOY: "There must be a section of Tom Reynolds's record collection that wards off disc jockeys like a cross repels vampires. The writer/TV producer's steep descent into depressing pop music, I Hate Myself and Want to Die is a humorous song-by-song analysis of the most egregious examples of audio torture. Its title may sound like a hackneyed VH1 special, but Reynolds steps above pointless banter by demonstrating some serious scholarship."
ANNE STEPHENSON, THE REPUBLIC: "To write a book like this, you need a working knowledge of music recorded over the past 70 years and an astute and merciless sense of humor. Tom Reynolds is our man.".
ROB LESTER, EDGE MAGAZINE: "What makes this book so worthwhile and more than just cathartic (oh, it is that!) is the humor. Reynolds’ language is colorful and clever and his greatest skills are sarcasm and funny, funny exaggeration for effect... Smug? Absolutely. But it’s mostly a hoot."
PUCKNATION: "I Hate Myself and Want to Die is one of the most brilliant looks at music and popular culture I've read in a long time. This collection of essays rips through music with ludicrous comments, humor and sarcasm. Reynolds’ knack for timing and wit allows him to tear seemlessly through these songs, with great results....An instant classic and perfect bathroom reading."
PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY: "Thoughtful and vivid. . . . This should start many debates among pop music die-hards."
NEW MUSIC EXPRESS (NME): "Full of premium trivia and pinpoint pomposity pricking, Reynolds has made comedy gold from the full base metal of misery."
WHAT'S ON IN LONDON: "A sustained and superbly observed insight into some of rock music's most memorable follies, it is an absolute must-read. Brilliant."
UNCUT Magazine: "Tom Reynolds, an American TV producer who manages to combine the wit of Dave Barry with the musical tastes of a bath towel, takes a simple concept and pulls great big inappropriate belly laughs from it....Genius."
ROCKNWORLD: "Don'tcha just love discovering a book that is too funny to be read in public, that makes eating or drinking while reading it a sure way to choke & die? What makes the subject matter of this book even better is its importance & truth.....His treatments of Evanescence's entry on the list & Metallica are so funny that I wish I could quote the entire chapters here."
UNDER THE RADAR: "Reynold's casual, comedic prose suits the subject well, conjuring up more than a few laugh-out-loud moments."
FEATURED ARTICLES/REVIEWS
Esquire; Newsday; Rolling Stone (Germany); New Music Express; Macleans (Canada); Los Angeles Times; Boston Herald; Austin Chronicle; Minneapolis Star Tribune; Arizona Republic; BBC News, RTE 1, Guardian UK, The Independent, Vogue, Sunday Mail (AU). Under the Radar Magazine; Paperc
- Toronto Star columnist Heather Mallick in THE GUARDIAN, June 25, 2013
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: "Ten Things We Love This Week"
3. I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE, by Tom Reynolds
"This roundup of 52 of the most maudlin songs ever penned, from Manilow to Metallica, will move you to tears of despair — or shrieks of helpless laughter."
DANNY HUTTON, co-founder-THREE DOG NIGHT: "A cunning, devastating autopsy . . . I found myself strangely attracted."
SEB HUNTER, author, HELL BENT FOR LEATHER and ROCK ME, AMADEUS: "Here is incontrovertible proof that pop stars are all healthy, well-adjusted individuals. I laughed and self-harmed in equal measure."
PLAYBOY: "There must be a section of Tom Reynolds's record collection that wards off disc jockeys like a cross repels vampires. The writer/TV producer's steep descent into depressing pop music, I Hate Myself and Want to Die is a humorous song-by-song analysis of the most egregious examples of audio torture. Its title may sound like a hackneyed VH1 special, but Reynolds steps above pointless banter by demonstrating some serious scholarship."
ANNE STEPHENSON, THE REPUBLIC: "To write a book like this, you need a working knowledge of music recorded over the past 70 years and an astute and merciless sense of humor. Tom Reynolds is our man.".
ROB LESTER, EDGE MAGAZINE: "What makes this book so worthwhile and more than just cathartic (oh, it is that!) is the humor. Reynolds’ language is colorful and clever and his greatest skills are sarcasm and funny, funny exaggeration for effect... Smug? Absolutely. But it’s mostly a hoot."
PUCKNATION: "I Hate Myself and Want to Die is one of the most brilliant looks at music and popular culture I've read in a long time. This collection of essays rips through music with ludicrous comments, humor and sarcasm. Reynolds’ knack for timing and wit allows him to tear seemlessly through these songs, with great results....An instant classic and perfect bathroom reading."
PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY: "Thoughtful and vivid. . . . This should start many debates among pop music die-hards."
NEW MUSIC EXPRESS (NME): "Full of premium trivia and pinpoint pomposity pricking, Reynolds has made comedy gold from the full base metal of misery."
WHAT'S ON IN LONDON: "A sustained and superbly observed insight into some of rock music's most memorable follies, it is an absolute must-read. Brilliant."
UNCUT Magazine: "Tom Reynolds, an American TV producer who manages to combine the wit of Dave Barry with the musical tastes of a bath towel, takes a simple concept and pulls great big inappropriate belly laughs from it....Genius."
ROCKNWORLD: "Don'tcha just love discovering a book that is too funny to be read in public, that makes eating or drinking while reading it a sure way to choke & die? What makes the subject matter of this book even better is its importance & truth.....His treatments of Evanescence's entry on the list & Metallica are so funny that I wish I could quote the entire chapters here."
UNDER THE RADAR: "Reynold's casual, comedic prose suits the subject well, conjuring up more than a few laugh-out-loud moments."
FEATURED ARTICLES/REVIEWS
Esquire; Newsday; Rolling Stone (Germany); New Music Express; Macleans (Canada); Los Angeles Times; Boston Herald; Austin Chronicle; Minneapolis Star Tribune; Arizona Republic; BBC News, RTE 1, Guardian UK, The Independent, Vogue, Sunday Mail (AU). Under the Radar Magazine; Paperc
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