Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss, 1st edition

by Alexis Marie Chute

Expecting Sunshine is a multi-award-winning memoir and a Kirkus Review BEST INDIE BOOK of 2017

Anyone who has experienced—or knows someone who has experienced—miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or other forms of pregnancy and baby loss should read Expecting Sunshine, including those considering or already pregnant again.

After her son, Zachary, dies in her arms at birth, visual artist and author Alexis Marie Chute disappears into her “Year of Distraction.” She cannot paint or write or tap into the heart of who she used to be, mourning not only for Zachary, but also for the future they might have had together. It is only when Chute learns she is pregnant again that she sets out to find healing and rediscover her identity—just in time, she hopes, to welcome her next child.

In the forty weeks of her pregnancy, Chute grapples with her strained marriage, shaken faith, and medical diagnosis, with profound results.

Glowing with riveting and gorgeous prose, Expecting Sunshine chronicles the anticipation and anxiety of expecting a baby while still grieving for the child that came before—enveloping readers with insightful observations on grief and healing, life and death, and the incredible power of a mother’s love.

Second Edition includes: Bonus chapter written from the author’s husband’s perspective. Plus, resource section, group discussion questions, and Q&A with author Alexis Marie Chute

Genres: Memoir, Parenting, Nonfiction, Grief, Medical

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 18, 2017

About the author

Alexis Marie Chute is an award-winning artist, author, photographer, art curator, and filmmaker. She has received over 40 noteworthy distinctions for her visual and literary work.

Her award-winning fantasy series The 8th Island Trilogy includes, Above the Star, Below the Moon, and Inside the Sun. The series has been described as “A WRINKLE IN TIME meets THE PRINCESS BRIDE” by The Perpetual You magazine, and “Fast and bizarre… never a dull moment” by Forward Reviews. The 8th Island Trilogy “weaves STAR WARS-like characters with a WONDER-like message to form an enrapturing read for blooklovers of all ages” – US Review of Books.

Her bestselling memoir, Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing and Pregnancy After Loss, was a top Kirkus title of 2017, and was accompanied by the feature documentary of the same name which has screened internationally.

Alexis Marie Chute received her Bachelor of Fine Arts in Art and Design from the University of Alberta, Canada, and studied at Media Design school in Auckland, New Zealand. She graduated valedictorian with her Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA, USA.

Chute is a highly regarded public speaker. She has presented on art, writing, bereavement, and the healing capacities of creativity around the world. Contact the Author/Artist for bookings info@alexismariechute.com

When not in her art/photo studio or at her computer, Chute loves to spend quality time with her family, read fiction and non-fiction, watch reality TV, paddleboard, and canoe. She is not a winter person but lives in frosty Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with her husband and their three living children.

Connect with Alexis Marie Chute:
Website: www.AlexisMarieChute.com
Twitter: @_Alexis_Marie
Facebook: Alexis Marie Chute, Art, Photograph and Creative Writing
Instagram: @alexismariechute
Pinterest: AlexisMarieArt
YouTube: AlexisMarieChute
LinkedIn: Alexis Marie Chute

Reviews

[Joe Krakovsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received my signed copy from Alexis Marie Chute of the second edition as part of a giveaway. Here is my review, from a guy's perspective.

Let me start by saying that I didn't read the jacket cover, nor any of the praise listed inside, for I wanted to form my own honest and uninfluenced opinion. So what was my first impression? In all honesty, I became mildly annoyed from the repeated agony of the author's loss of her child at birth. After all, she had another child and loving husband. But in all fairness to her I must admit that my insensitivity was most likely caused by my previous read of the horror of a Nazi extermination camp. You see, compared to the author, those who survived had been through real hell on earth. Some survived when many others just laid down and died. Why did some give up while others hung on? I then realized depth of the author's pain. The reason many gave up and died was probably because they lost whole families, so what did they have to live for? The author's pain was real, and because I never lost a child or spouse I did not comprehend the extent of her suffering. It was then that my attitude towards her and her literary work took a profound change.

This book lays out not only her pain but the healing process by trial and error as well. When we truly love someone we share both their sorrow, which can cut into your heart like a knife, and the happiness, which body and soul soaks up like a sponge. Lucky for her, she had her family stand by her.

In the back of the book is bonus material. I will read that before continuing this review.

Okay, what I read was her husband's viewpoint of a certain chapter which she wisely added to show that not everyone grieves or copes in the same way. In addition there are resources listed for those who have suffered the same loss. It seems that Alexis found that most of those offering sympathy often said the wrong things in spite of their good intentions. Perhaps one seeking help could contact one of these groups.

Alexis didn't just write a journal, she wrote something to inspire hope where there is none. You did a fine job, Alexis Marie! And I would feel honored to be counted among your friends.

[Julie Haigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreak, heartwarming, hope and happiness too.

I enjoyed this inspiring memoir by Alexis Marie Chute. Alexis and Aaron have a baby daughter, Hannah, at the start of the book. Their second child, Zachary, had originally been due December 2010. Routine prenatal tests revealed there were very serious problems. Zac was born early at 30 weeks. He passed away just moments later.

Heartbreaking. And the struggles trying to get pregnant again. Will there me more obstacles and heartache ahead? Very sad material, especially at the outset, but a beautiful book, with lots of hope too.

The author has really opened her heart and this emotional book is a quick easy read despite the very sad circumstances. A moving story, told week by week through her subsequent pregnancy-sort of like a pregnancy diary/journal-but never repetitive. Rather than enjoying being pregnant, she just gets through it, worrying constantly that the happy ending may be cut short, like before-it could all happen again.

I've read many medical memoirs; midwife memoirs; I'm about to start one where modern surgery can fix things even in babies not yet born-surgery in utero. Sometimes things cannot be fixed and this is Alexis Marie's heartbreaking story.

I have one sibling, a sister. I am a third child. My other sister died a few days after birth, three years before I was born. I don't think it was anything genetic-something like pneumonia I think. My parents would have had two children, I wouldn't have been born had she lived. I often think about everything, and can't imagine what my parents went through-so this book really resonated with me. My parents always talked openly about everything. A neighbour's daughter was born with cancer-when she died they never talked about it, and they didn’t want anyone else talking about it either. I'm sure writing this memoir will have been therapeutic to Alexis Marie, and she is now helping others come to terms with such tragic circumstances. A beautiful portrayal.

[Alexis Marie Chute]

INDIEREADER REVIEW:

Verdict: EXPECTING SUNSHINE is an invaluable resource for those dealing with loss, as well as a beautifully-told story of grief, hope, healing and love.

5.0 STAR RATING

Alexis Marie Chute and her husband Aaron lost their second child, their son Zachary, minutes after his birth due to a heart condition called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. For a year, Chute descended into what she calls her “Year of Distraction,” in which she was unable to function or focus for grief. On emerging from that year of mourning, she became pregnant once more, hoping desperately this time for a healthy baby. This book is a narrative of that pregnancy, full of anxiety, anticipation, fear, healing, and hope.

There are few if any losses in life that match the heartbreak of losing a child, and this book is an achingly beautiful response to such a loss. This is a straightforward, honest, day-by-day first-person account, all the more effective for being simply and clearly told, without melodrama but with an lovely, lyrical, almost poetic writing style. Chute holds nothing back, from her anger at God to marital stresses to her panicked anxiety at the thought of possibly losing either this new pregnancy or her oldest child, her cherished daughter Hannah. However, there are moments of brilliant sunshine that illuminate the book as well, as when she hears her new baby’s heartbeat for the first time, singing a refrain of “I am alive, I am well, I am here.”

Bring a handkerchief either way – tears of sorrow and tears of joy are intertwined throughout the book. The honesty and the clarity of the writing make this an invaluable resource not only for those who have lost a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, or early death, but also to their friends and family, who may be unsure of what to say or how to approach their loved one’s grief. Chute openly and directly discusses what helped her and what did not – the gentleness, openness, and warmth of her devout Aunt Ruth’s approach to her doubts about religion and faith versus the overbearing dogmatism of some members of her Mourning Together group, for example. The result is a book that is useful as well as deeply heartwarming.

EXPECTING SUNSHINE is an invaluable resource for those dealing with loss, as well as a beautifully-told story of grief, hope, healing and love.

~Catherine Langrehr for IndieReader



KIRKUS REVIEW:

A mother recovering from the death of her newborn child experiences both hope and intense anxiety as she embarks on another pregnancy in this debut memoir.

Chute, a photographer and artist, lost her second child, Zachary, just moments after his birth when he died of an inoperable heart tumor caused by a genetic abnormality called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. After a period of anguish that included an episode in which she pounded her head against a wall and stabbed her palm with a golf tee, she immersed herself in a “Year of Distraction” through frenetic work. Then, after being reassured that Zachary’s illness was not inherited, she became pregnant again—and began a new ordeal, chronicled here in 40 week-by-week chapters. Chute’s worry that the new pregnancy would also end in tragedy preoccupied her and made every doctor’s appointment, ultrasound scan, and bodily twinge an agony of apprehension. Meanwhile, she tried to process the unfinished business of Zachary’s death in a church-run mourning group where she found mainly a gruel of unhelpful platitudes; mothered her rambunctious 2-year-old daughter, Hannah; and tussled and bonded with her husband, Aaron, who was supportive but sometimes wounded her with his determination to get on with life. In this sometimes fraught, sometimes luminous work, Chute’s narrative brings together in a roiling, deeply felt tangle maternal experiences that are usually separated, as the exhilaration of pregnancy and the exhausting happiness of raising a toddler are overshadowed by lingering grief and dread. It’s an emotional roller-coaster, with giddy anticipation turning on a dime into fretful, claustrophobic brooding and self-laceration. Chute’s prose conveys the full force of her turmoil with powerful imagery—“I felt that I would be like uncooked ground beef, bloody and grated, for the rest of my life”—but keeps enough distance to probe and interrogate her feelings, and gain a deeper understanding of them.

A moving saga of motherhood in extremis that earns its moments of certainty and bliss through an honest grappling with pain and doubt.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never been pregnant so I have not experienced a loss. Although, readers like me can and could say we can relate and understand what author, Alexis went through; it would not be fair to really say this. Unless you have actually had a miscarriage, I don't think you can fully understand. However, readers like me do get a glimpse into this tragic event. If for nothing else; we can have more patience and acceptance to allow someone grieving to grieve in their own way and not try to fit everyone into one mold of grieve.

Back to the book. I do really like how the book was split out by periods of time in trimesters. To be clear it was trimesters for Alexi and her husband's new son. Yet, at the same time it was in periods of time for Zach, their son that they lost.

Alexis does not shy away from sharing her emotions from anger, loss, fear, obsession, and happiness. So anyone who has experienced a miscarriage will relate. Today we are more accepting to share these stories of loss to help heal not only for ourselves but to help others as well. It is for these reasons that I applaud people like Alexis who are willing to share their stories.

[Jessica Fillmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alexis Marie has experienced a great loss that has effected every aspect of her mind, body and soul. It is her story about the challenges she faces with herself, her family and her friends. She distracts herself from her feelings, emotions and misery. Until she comes to the realization that she needs to come head to head with her grief. She realized she needed to face her overwhelming fears, anxiety and sorrow in order to heal.

Alexis Marie does a great job including the reader in her book. It made me think, laugh and cry. I had a hard time putting this book down. This book is for anyone that has experienced grief, not just child loss, but any sort of loss. It's a great book to help people know what loss is like or for someone that has had a loss, to know that you are not alone. I think most people could relate to and enjoy the book Expecting Sunshine.

[Robert Duke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Expecting Sunshine was recommended to me by my wife. It isn't normally the type of book I would pick up, but I am so glad I did. It is a thoughtful and engaging look at the impact of the loss of a child on a young family. You take an emotional journey through their grief and recovery which is also humorous at times and uplifting throughout. You will find yourself cheering for this family. A good read for anyone.

[Margie Timmermans · Rating 5 out of 5]

Expecting Sunshine by Alexis Marie Chute is a wonderful memoir written by a mourning mother. This book is raw and honest. It is brave and beautifully written. Alexis Marie has managed to record her story in a way that will speak to every man and women who has ever become or wanted to become a parent. While reading this book I cried, and laughed a little, but mostly felt truly inspired by her strength and ability to grow out of tragedy. A must read!

[Loobyz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved it.. thankgod for some light humour and it not all being over emotional. Wasnt expecting to like it as much as i did.

[Candace S · Rating 5 out of 5]

One early morning while my husband drove me to work I took the opportunity to begin reading my new book Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy After Loss by Alexis Marie Chute. Eagerly I dived into the prologue entitled “Conception”. Instantly I was pulled into the world of Alexis Marie, nearly a year following the loss of her second child Zachary, struggling to finish her last photography job in her “Year of Distraction” without succumbing to her grief. By the end of this chapter I was literally breathless, tears rimming my eyes, and my heart aching. I felt I was there with her, that I lived those moments. Even as I write this now I am moved by the memory of her words. Through the rest of the book Alexis Marie takes us on the emotional journey of her third pregnancy speckling it with heart-wrenching flashbacks of her previous loss and the aftermath. It was uplifting to follow Alexis Marie's healing journey. Through the highs and lows, she paints a heart-warming picture of hope after devastating loss. I recommend this book for anyone who has suffered a loss or knows someone who has.

[Allen Patterson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping for more. I know several couples who have lost their baby and I was hoping to be able to recommend this book to them. Not going to happen. Most of my friends are conservative Christians and would not care to read her f-bombs and her blasphemous attitude towards God.

[Justkeepreading · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful book. Really moving. Make sure that you have tissues to hand. It is a book that all women can relate to on many different levels. I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

[Charlotte Robb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a well written book that is at times sad but also funny and inspirational. Follow Alexis through her emotional journey of mourning the loss of one baby while expecting another. Gain insights into the perspectives of loss and love through the eyes of her young daughter Hannah, her troubled but resolute husband Aaron and the interesting personalities of her family and those she encountered in her journey through grief to find healing and happiness. A compassionate companion for those who have experienced a similar loss however one need not to have lost a loved one to enjoy this book as It offers an endearing story that appeals to all readers.
Expecting Sunshine reminds me of the emotional journey told by Cheryl Strayed in her book Wild.

[Kara Kempin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic read. Though the story is about loss the book is not sad as may be expected, it is actual full of love. I highly recommend this book.

[Tania Kliphuis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Expecting Sunshine is very raw and real. Alexis Marie is unflinchingly honest about her own raw pain, as well as the massive impact losing a baby has on a marriage - particularly (and especially) when each person deals with their pain in different ways.

To be honest, I did not find Expecting Sunshine to be as helpful for me, or as relatable for me, as An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination. Perhaps it's because Alexis Marie struggles with her faith quite a bit throughout Expecting Sunshine and I am not interested in questions of faith or God (simply because I've answered my own questions ages ago and struggle to relate to people who are still searching for something I don't believe is there).

That said, Alexis Marie - like all mothers who have lost their children - is brave and clear about the fact that grieving a child is a messy business. I especially appreciated her openness about her conflicting feelings about wanting to be there for her oldest child, her daughter, while also wanting to be alone to grieve for her son. And, of course, her conflicting feelings about her third pregnancy, which seemed to come all too soon and not soon enough after Zachary's death.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've ever read that focuses specifically on pregnancy after the loss of a baby. Alexis' imagery and prose is beautiful and the way she moves week by week through her pregnancy after losing her son is super relatable. It's so honest and tender that I couldn't put down!

[Kathleen Rhodes · Rating 5 out of 5]

A few days after I found out I miscarried, just before my D&C, I went to Barnes & Noble in hopes of finding a guidebook or self-help book of how to heal and cope with miscarriage or loss of a child. I searched every feasible location: self-help, psychology, family planning, childcare. With tears in my eyes I was too embarrassed to ask anyone at the counter for help. There I was already utterly heartbroken and feeling more alone than ever. Not a single book for me to turn to. I pulled out my phone, googled “books about miscarriage” and found this book and ordered it on the spot.

It was exactly what I needed. Alexis-Marie's words gave me validation, comfort, and hope.
I highly recommend.

[Alexis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alexis Marie Chute deserves to be lauded for sharing her intense story of pregnancy, grief, motherhood, loss and loss of faith. I hope that this book ends up in the hands of someone who really needs it.

Some parts were very candid, and in others, I could feel the pain. I had some questions for her after I finished reading the book, but that's to be expected.

[Marie McWilliams · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the first page, Chute’s ability and talent as a writer is evident. She has an incredible way with language, not only perfectly describing the feeling she is attempting to convey or present the image she is attempting to conjure, but doing so in a linguistically beautiful way. You can tell she is an artist: this book is her canvas, and each word is a masterful brush stroke. Chute deals with some incredibly large and complex emotions, but presents them in a relatable way. As you read, you feel every emotion she feels: her profound sense of loss and her yearning for a sense of peace, her fears and worries, the moments of joy and sorrow. It is an emotional rollercoaster, but one I am glad I rode.

The word brave is thrown around all too often these days, but that is the only word I can use to adequately describe Chute for writing this book: Brave. She bares her soul for the reader to see, in its sometimes raw and ugly form, and details what she felt and what she thought, with total honesty. It is evident as a reader that this process was often difficult for her, but also extremely cathartic. I have been lucky in my life as I have not suffered the level of loss which Chute has, but I can see clearly how incredibly helpful this book would be to someone who has.

As a mother, I related a lot to much of what Chute says, particularly when discussing the internal struggle between your identity as a parent, and your own sense of self. As someone who is in full time employment, a writer, a blogger, a wife and a mother, I often feel myself being torn in a dozen different directions, and find myself struggling with maintaining my own identity. When one prioritises their own hobbies, their own passions, it means losing out on moments with your children and that can often lead to guilt. But during Chute’s journey of self discovery, she learns and emphasises the importance of retaining your own sense of self, and finding ways to express yourself and who you are as an individual, not just as a member of a family unit, something I too discovered after suffering with post natal depression.

This book is one of sorrow and loss, but most prominently, it is one of hope. And that is the prevailing emotion one feels once you finish the final chapter: Hope. Overall, I highly recommend this book, particularly if you have experienced a loss in your life with which you are currently struggling.

[Reader Views · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewed by Christine Watson for Reader Views (1/18)

“Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy After Loss” by Alexis Marie Chute is an honest look at the myriad of emotions this author experienced through pregnancy, loss and pregnancy again. The raw details of her life are put on display in this book, which can bring healing for her, and hope for others in a similar situation.

The author brings to life her year of distraction in haunting detail as she relives in her mind all the pain, fear and sadness she experienced when her once happy pregnancy turned dark. Towards the end of her pregnancy with her soon-to-be second child, Zachary, it was discovered that he had a genetic disorder and that he would not survive from past birth. Clinging to a sliver of hope that a miracle would occur, Ms. Chute, with her husband, had daily trips to the doctor until Zachary was born. Not long after his birth, he passed on, leaving the hearts of Mr. and Mrs. Chute empty.

This book focuses on the heartbreak and healing that takes place after Zachary’s birth. About a year after losing Zachary, Ms. Chute gets pregnant again. The fears and anxiety she experiences mirrors the intensity of a PTSD victim. While the reader is drawn into her pain, her honesty about her feelings provides a sense of comfort as well. She faces those feelings head on, and even offers help to another who is experiencing a similar loss.

I highly recommend “Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy After Loss” by Alexis Marie Chute to anyone who has suffered the loss of a child, or any loss that leaves a hole so large, it seems impossible to ever feel whole again. While I don’t have any children, I could feel the author’s pain and celebrate her successes. This book will provide immense support and healing for those in similar situations. Ms. Chute’s writing is beautiful and she reminds us all that hope is alive!

[Michelle Arredondo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful, poignant, engaging read. Box of tissues ready...the title alone is enough to expect something emotional from this.

I absolutely love the cover. As the title gives us a first glimpse at something that will be a struggle to get through because of it's serious, personal, emotional, difficult...the umbrella, the colors, the background...also gives us an idea of hope...maybe a positive outcome, maybe just something that gives insight past the trauma.

Such rawness, such honesty, so much sharing of something so traumatic. I can't even fathom what a parent goes through losing a child. I do know family members that have. I hurt for them. I hope better days for them. I took what I know nothing about and I read this book with an open heart. I am a parent and it's extremely hard even just reading a book on this topic. I am glad I did. So beautifully written...pulls at the heart. I am in awe that the author can open her heart so fully to share with readers something so moving.

Again..very moving. Intense and heart wrenching...a journey unbearable...but a journey with so much hope. Highly recommend.

Thanks as always to goodreads for my copy of this book in exchange for an honest review to which I gladly and voluntarily gave.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alexis Marie Chute and her husband, Aaron, lose their son at his birth, from a rare chromosome mutation that caused tumors to form all over his body, and in his heart, especially, while in uterine. They already had a young daughter, Hannah, and their grief is both unimaginable and and heart-wrenching.

Expecting Sunshine chronicles their experience with a third pregnancy, week by gestational week. In it, Alexis Marie describes in beautiful detail both the grief Sha and Aaron experience, how different each one’ s experience is, how hard it is, often, to communicate and share their feelings with each other, as well as sharing the week by week details of her pregnancy with what turns out to be their son, Eden.

There is nothing at all maudlin or “poor me” about this book. It is a strikingly honest portrayal of one family’s grief, intertwined with living their lives, discovering what is normal for them, while raising a delightful toddler in these difficult times. You can never truly recover from some losses, and losing a child is right up there at the top of the list. I appreciate Ms. Chute’s honesty as she invites the reader to share her journey.

I received this book as an ARC from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

On my blog, I have talked about how pregnancy is never the same for someone who has suffered a pregnancy loss. Alexis Marie Chute wrote a book about her journey through grief while being pregnant again after the devastating loss of her son, Zachery, shortly after he was born.

Week by week, she describes her feelings and challenges while she tentatively anticipates her second son. She bravely describes the emotions women feel after miscarriage or loss.

Expecting Sunshine may not be for everyone, but it is a reassuring read if you feel like you can connect with part of Alexis Marie’s story. Even 7 years later, it reminded me that I’m not alone in all of the conflicting feelings I had during my own journey. This would also be a meaningful book to read if know someone else who is going through this and you’d like to get a better sense of what your friend is feeling and how to support them

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won a copy if this book in exchange for an honest review. A heart-wrenching memoir of a mother who finds out she will lose her second child to random genetic abnormalities incompatible with life in the minutes after his birth, and how she copes (and doesn't cope) in the aftermath of that life-altering experience, Expecting Sunshine is not an easy read. The author showcases her personal strength, the power of a supportive, though also grieving and imperfect spouse, and the healing power of art, motherhood, and finding hope in an uncertain world. The prose is often poetic in its imagery, and at times, the book seemed slow, the pacing is uneven. That said, for a first book, it is a solid memoir- honest and heartfelt, and having had several miscarriages of my own in the past, I appreciated the author's candor about how religion and common platitudes may be the most hurtful ways for loved ones to respond to the pain of losing a baby. 3.5 stars, rounded up.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since I am also pregnant after a loss, I wanted to read the experiences of some others and see if I found any commonalities.

I braced myself for this book to be overly positive, but was pleasantly surprised at Chute's candidness about her grief and how her new pregnancy did not fix the fact that her son had died.

There were several things I could identify with--feeling triggered by the death date on random things like food expiration dates, feeling disconnected from my faith and annoyed or upset at others' attempts at platitudes, convincing myself that my new baby was also going to die until reaching a certain point in the pregnancy, thinking that my new baby would be a different gender than the one who died, and realizing that even if I have a healthy baby, our children are never safe.

Yet, even in the midst of all this horror, I'm coming to the same conclusion as Chute--that our children are worth it, despite whatever happens, despite the cost of love.

[Ron Gallacher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated the raw honesty in this book. Any parent who has had a child die will understand the challenge to continue to live in this world of after. And the problems between husband and wife as we struggle to grieve differently. Or the anxiety and helplessness we feel, especially for our surviving children, in a world where nothing is certain. One of my favorite quotes - “Certainty followed my child to the grave.”

Ignore the end of year lists on all the book sites. This is one of the best memoirs of 2017. This book is not just for bereaved parents.

The worth of a book is individual to us all. The fact that Alexis and Aaron’s son shares the same birthday as my daughter, who died in 2012, makes this collection of words priceless to me.

[manatee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very moving and captivating story.
Alexis Marie Chute is a talented artist who uses colorful, lush descriptions to draw the reader in to the story.
She also does a wonderful job of painting a portrait of her husband and children by using strong, authentic dialogue.

We go on this journey of loss and hope with her, but she makes it clear that there are no easy answers.
I also like the fact that she talked about exploring religion and how she did not necessarily find what she was looking for at the grief and loss support group sponsored by a church.

I hear that Alexis has a new book out ( a work of fantasy fiction). I cannot wait to read it. I know that she will use her unique way of seeing and describing things to make the fantasy world she creates come to life.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author very bravely released her heart into the world and I applaud her for doing so. I have long been emotionally invested in this topic after suffering three miscarriages. While pregnancy loss can take different forms and different grieving processes, they all leave scars. Alexis Marie Chute wrote a fast paced account of her third pregnancy, which came about a year after her son died at 30 weeks gestation due to a rare genetic condition. She writes in short segments that correspond with each week of her pregnancy. She weaves the present in with memories of her past trauma. After reading more about the work she is doing in this bereavement community, I feel this book will help many people in their grief.
Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for the advanced copy.

[Laura Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I wished to be free of structured religion, to knownspittualitynin an intimately personal manner - and to be found, there was indeed someone searching at all".

Expecting Sunshine follows Alexis through pregnancy after loss in a manner that draws the reader in. I've devoured the book in less than 24 hours. Her language use is stunning and creative producing vivid imagery for the reader. This book had me smiling and hopeful, biting my nails with anxiety and heartbroken for their pain at various points.

It is incredibly apparent throughout how Alexis' creative nature has proved therapeutic but I also love the spiritual influences throughout; I felt invited in to the space created for questioning and exploring.

This feels like an incredibly important text full of raw and vulnerable honesty about a topic so often seen as taboo (though many experience). A wonderful insight into grief and redemption through the journey of awaiting a rainbow baby.

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful and well-written memoir of a mother who lost her second child at birth to a rare defect. Having given birth many years ago to a healthy boy myself and then raising our adopted daughter, the entire story was illuminating to me. Alexis Marie Chute documents her journey through her third successful pregnancy and in this second edition we are given a glimpse into her husband's journey in the bonus materials at the conclusion of the original script. Alexis Marie reaches out to anyone who has experienced similar events in their lives and is ready to help them as they grieve. Now that I've read the book I'm planning to add it to a nearby Little Free Library to share with someone who may need help coping with loss.

[Bethel Swift · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alexis Marie Chute has penned an incredible tribute to her son Zachary. I am in awe of any mother who has survived the loss of a child, but to be able to write about that loss, and the ripple effect it has on faith, relationships, etc. in such a way that allows others a window into that lived experience is a rare talent. This memoir is real and raw-as other reviewers have noted-but also poetic, philosophic, reflective, and practical - but not too much of any one of those things. It was an honor to read a true artist's take on love and loss, grief and hope, existing and creating - along this crazy journey of life.