20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-Life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction

by Christine Hassler

The mid-20s through the mid-30s can be a time of difficult transition: the security blanket of college and parents is gone, and it's suddenly time to make far-reaching decisions about career, investments, even adult identity. When author Christine Hassler experienced such a quarter-life crisis, she found that she was not alone. In fact, an entire generation of young women is questioning their choices, unsure if what they’ve been striving for is what they really want. They're eager to set a new course for their lives, even if that means giving up what they have.
Hassler herself left a fast-moving career that wasn't right for her and instead took the risk of starting her own business. Now, based on her own experience and interviews with hundreds of women, she shares heartfelt stories on issues from career to parents to boyfriends to babies. Yet she provides practical exercises, too, to enable the woman of today to chart a new direction for her own life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Feminism, Inspirational, Business

329 pages, Paperback

First published April 10, 2005

Reviews

[Stephanie Spines · Rating 1 out of 5]

Too airy fairy for me. Too superficial and too basic. This book lacked the philosophical analysis of being directionless, anxious and young that I needed. Also written from a particular point of view that is completely irrelevant to my life, especially in terms of privilege.

[Rosie Nguyễn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Đọc nghiên cứu mà cố lắm mới hết.
Cô này không phải nhà văn dĩ nhiên, viết sách lần đầu nên khô và chán, phong cách lặp đi lặp lại.
Nhưng mà cũng có vài cái hữu ích. Chủ yếu là câu hỏi để tự vấn bản thân.

[Chelsea Marie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't even get past the intro. This book was written for the woman who wants the "Sex in the City" kind of lifestyle, which I certainly do not.

[Michelle · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh I’ve said it and I’ll say it again, self help books are not for me.

[Stephany · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me 4 months but I finally finished this book! WOO!

Highly recommend for anyone facing a quarterlife crisis, or just anyone who wants to dig deep into what they really want out of this life. The journaling portions are long, but they are so vital to getting everything out of this book. I didn't do them all, but I did the majority of them and I can see myself rereading through certain chapters again and again.

I learned a LOT throughout the process of reading this book and it was useful is so many ways... it's the kind of book you want to reread once you're finished to make sure you didn't miss anything important!

Some favorite quotes:

"We think we must decide in our twenties who we want to be for the rest of our lives, but we don't - our goals can and do change."

"It is often easier to fall into the expectation cycle than to let go and be okay with what happens in our lives."

"Nobody has it all. That is a big thing that my twenties finally drilled into my head. I think having it all is a very American concept, and it is worthless. It doesn't account for the texture of daily life, or the fact that luck and chance play a huge role in 'success', or those incredibly important lessons that come from not getting what you want."

"In life you will discover that what you want may not be what you need, and that what you need is not always what you want. Life is a journey and the less we try to control it, the happier we will be."

[Ksenya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Дуже помічна і потрібна книжка особливо в наших умовах. Коли ми звикли самі вирішувати свої психологічні проблеми без звернення до спеціалістів. Ця книжка зачіпає базові речі, які зачіпають і хвилюють нас. Кар'єра, самореалізація, стосунки, одруження... ця книжка загалом про те, що наші проблеми не є чимось унікальним, неповторним, і важким для вирішення. Це десятки історій та проблем таких самих розгублених двадцятирічних та невеличкі поради для їхнього вирішення. Раджу усім, хто зависав над питаннями: хто я, що робити, як бути щасливим і самореалізованим, як поєднати кар'єру і стосунки і so on.

[Dana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ідея була хорошою.
І я на неї купилася.
На неї і на обкладинку. Бо я не могла пройти повз чогось настільки естетично прекрасного.
Але я забула, що не можна судити книгу за її обкладинкою. Бо сама книга - текст - мені не сподобалася.
Взагалі.
Починаючи з того, що, здається, її взагалі не вичитали, бо помилки/описки ледве не на кожній сторінці. Такого у ВСЛ я ще не бачила. Настільки погана робота редактора, що це жах. Такий текст просто неприємно читати. Чого варте тільки слово "втікла". Камон, гайз, це банально показує неповагу до читача.
Якщо коротко, то книга ні про що.
Історії багатьох двадцятилітніх - в кожного свої проблеми, так, але як такого вирішення я не знайшла. А ті "поради", які в книзі були, - пустий звук. Навіть розділ про створення власного бізнесу був просто сміховинний.
Книга написана американкою для американок. І так, вона більше для жінок, ніж чоловіків. Бо я не бачу як чоловіки можуть серйозно сприйняти речі, про які говорила авторка. І ЯКІ ПОРАДИ ВИДІЛЯЛА КАПСОМ.
А про репрезентативність взагалі мовчатиму. І про багато гендерних питань, які в мене виникли до авторки після прочитання.
Книга, напевно, розрахована для американців середнього класу, які дещо розчаровані в своїй нереалізованій "американській мрії". Не розумію, яким чином книга допоможе двадцятилітнім, які живуь в Україні.
В нас, знаєте, "екосистема" трохи не така.

[Jess]

I absolutely love Christine Hassler but had to DNF this book. The information is so outdated and not relevant to a woman in her 20s now. It was so disappointing for me, because her book Expectation Hangover is honestly my favorite book in the world.

[Samantha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not big on self-help books, but facing a mountain of student loans and no permanent full-time job offers was enough to make me seek out self-help book recommendations. I ended-up with this one and can't say that I feel really improved from having read it. 20 Something, 20 Everything is less than 10 years old, but is extremely dated due to the current state of the economy and how Hassler discusses the work force.

Additionally, this book isn't really geared towards all 20 something women. Its geared more towards middle class, college educated women. This comes through primarily in the interviews with various women that Hassler has peppered throughout the book. I only ran across one woman who I figured was making about minimum wage (a waitress) and don't remember any of the women described as having anything less than a bachelors degree. Furthermore, the women who were interviewed primarily had white collar jobs where they were probably making about 30k or more. That's all fine and dandy if you're in that particular group of women, but if you're not, parts of this book will probably just make you feel worse than helping anything.

However, despite all my gripes with the book, there were snippets that I found interesting. I suppose I'll leave this review with one of the quotes that I did find helpful.


"As we journey into adulthood, we evolve away from lives in which everything was planned for us and taken care of by our parents, into college lives where we enjoy some freedom but our general structure is set, and finally into a reality that is devoid of a set curriculum. This absence of structure drives many of us right into planning mode. But what do we miss along the way? Does over-planning cause us to miss the very important steps of truly evaluating what we want and easing into our experiences?

To east the woes of our twenty-something crisis, we can remind ourselves that just making the best decisions that we can every day is good enough. If we stop, take a deep breath, and check in with the present moment more often, a lot of knots in our stomachs will loosen. A lot of us daydream about how things could be different or better in our lives because we hate our current circumstances. Although daydreaming can be valuable, true sanity comes from contentment with where we are." (pg 91)

[Lisamarie Landreth · Rating 1 out of 5]

20-Something 20-Everything was the first book of it's kind addressing the Odyssey Years we twenty-somethings find ourselves traversing. I had high hopes for this book and bought "The Twenty Something Manifesto" with it. As a weekly columnist for the Huffington Post, I expected Christine to deliver on her promise to clarify the quarter-life crisis and "provide insights to balance and direction." This book was fluff mixed with meaningless "exercises" with a penchant for stating the obvious. It took me five months to crawl through this book in the hopes of a nugget of wisdom to redeem the time I spent trying to get through it. No nuggets were uncovered, only disappointment and the feeling that I was bamboozled by a book that promised much and delivered little.

[Lara · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book but found it painfully boring and cliche.

[Yuliia Zadnipriana · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Маніфест двадцятирічних" — книга, написана лайф-коучем в найкращих традиціях мотиваційно-надихаючої популярної літератури.

Тобто тут тонни життєвих історій, власного досвіду, порад про те, як жити-творити-любити, суб'єктивних висновків про філософію життя на основі цих історій і, найголовніше — ВОДИ! Переливається зі сторінки на сторінку кілька ключових ідей:

1.📍Не треба порівнювати себе з іншими, в кожного свій темп життя, і досягнення в період 20-30 років у всіх різні.

2.📍Шукати себе і не розуміти себе — це нормально.

3.📍Життя може розчаровувати (ото неочікувано🤔). Дуже часто повторюється думка про те, що в університеті життя здається радісним і перспективним, а після випуск�� воно накриває своєю сірістю і всі ми страждаємо від похмілля очікувань. Мені ці думки були дуууже неблизькими, бо я ніколи не думала, що після здобуття освіти я здобуду шалений успіх, квартиру, машину і що там ще є мірилом успіху в американської молоді.

В книзі подається інформація з різних аспектів життя — про освіту, стосунки з батьками, кар'єру, кохання. Розділ про пошуки "другої половинки" (ненавиджу це словосполучення😕) взагалі викликав у мене масу суперечливих відчуттів.

Загалом книга не відкрила нічого нового, ні на що не надихнула і нічого не змінила. Читається легко, інколи дратує, і обкладинка в неї приємна на дотик.

Складнощі, описані в книзі, актуальні для людей в будь-якому віці. Хоча я вважаю, я підходжу під ЦА книги, бо молодь, якій вона адресується — це люди віком від 20 до 30 років. Як на мене, назва "Маніфест.." загучна для всього, що в ній викладено.

[June · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second time I'm reading this end to end just more intentionally this time, on a daily and doing the exercises daily for about 3 months now.

I'm a big believer in a book being delivered to you and having impact just at the right time you're in and the space of your life you're at. This book has been a fantastic read, it has caused me to question, ask and introspect. To become more self aware and connect the dots that I previously couldn't.

I highly recommend it for twenty something ladies especially just because it'll force you to think and go deeper. The advise tidbits in each chapter are really helpful as well, especially from older women.

Great read.

[Rachael Baptiste · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I’m going to have to abandon this book after getting through about 80% of it. I was excited to enter the last few chapters of the book that were centered around finances, love, and work, but as I got further into it I began to realize just how targeted this book is toward middle to upper class white straight women. I appreciate the self-help, optimistic point of view the book offers, but the author completely fails to recognize the amount of privilege she assumes about the readers.

[Maria Morozova · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's my second book by Christine Hassler after the '20-something manifesto'. This one is much more detailed and has a lot of exercises that I find would be helpful to those in their early twenties. I remember I liked her first book a lot when I was 23. It helped and supported me a lot when I knew less about myself. Now that I am 27, studying psychology, and having had my therapist for 2+ years, this book seems a bit basic and too detailed. However, it's 100% worth reading if you have no chance to be in therapy. The author did a great job and did a ton of research.

⁃ Seeing /interacting with your ex again too soon allows you to react to the pain and loss of the breakup rather than reflect on it.
⁃ If we knew a car was broken beyond repair, would we still try to drive it? Or, if we really wanted a car, would we settle for a scooter?
⁃ If you broke a leg, would you expect to walk on it the next day?
⁃ Our passion doesn’t have to be a career. It can just be a hobby.
⁃ The pursuit of our passion takes compromise (!) and commitment
⁃ Follow your joy

[Elizabeth Qualia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is dated.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book and it helped me sort thru so many things in my 20’s. I would tell friends to read it!

[Rachel Vives · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is one of those... you know, when you're peering around the self help section, telling yourself you'll just "have a look" and pitty all the poor sappy women consoling themselves on the floor while telling yourself "I'm here because I don't have to be" when in fact, nobody goes in there unless they are looking for some sort of direction.
On one of those days, I found myself needing a little strength and just maybe, a plan that has already been laid out by an author (preferably a doctor as it makes the situation slightly more legit) that thinks they know what every woman needs to do in order to achieve inner peace. Well here's 20 something, 20 everything. I have realized that I needed some organization and structure to my social calendar, taking time off when i need a night to cry over some Ben and Jerry's, literally, and how to "accept my mother" as she is. Not so much a self help. I like to look at it as a "reorganization."

[Anastasi Korobka · Rating 5 out of 5]

цю книжку я прочитала з 3 спроби з перервами у рік-два. і не тому що вона погана, просто ти не завжди готова до дослідження себе. а ця книжка пропонує саме це.

"біблія" для 20-річних, путівник по дослідженню себе і свого життя. вся книга майорить підкресленнями, бо там стільки життєвих історій, які приміряєш на собі. хочеться всюди написати "relatable", і смайлик :): в залежності від ситуації.

книга підкупила тим, що там є завдання, конкретні штуки, які ти можеш практикувати. звичайно, є багато "і так зрозумілих" речей, але ці речі проговорюються в контексті історій, де наочно можна зробити висновки і спробувати поглянути так і на своє життя.

я стала краще розуміти, що відбувається, що я не одна переживаю якісь скрутні моменти (і що з ними можна працювати), побачила різні кути зору на актуальні питання, які ставлять собі люди такого віку.

словом, я раджу цю книжку. вона допомагає почуватися краще і надихає!

[Nele · Rating 4 out of 5]

It felt like the right time to pick up this book again. The last time I read it, a few years ago, I only got to page 80 or so, and I was determined to read the whole book this time.
Although I do not consider myself to be in crisis, the book does provide some handy tools to deal with life, and offers things to think about.
That being said, a few years ago I was indeed in a 20 something-crisis and I did thought I needed and wanted it all. At 23, I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I wanted a paycheck.

I like myself better at 28, because I know myself better and I accept myself more. I like me more than my past me. :-)
So I found it an enjoyable read. You work a bit on yourself. Plus, the book offers a lot of examples + exercises.

[Jenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. I bought this book when I was 23ish and actually experiencing a quarter-life crisis. Fast forward four years and I've pretty much moved past that, but I have not yet let go of the insufferable need to read books I have purchased that are just sitting there. So, I opened this book, read (mostly skimmed it) and found that it doesn't really apply to me anymore. I think it would be good for a younger 20-something, though.

My only other complaint is that this book is a shit ton of work (work I didn't actually do, so I shouldn't complain). Every other page is all like "take out your journal and answer these questions" or "schedule interviews with five people and ask them 20 questions each." What?! I just want to read.

[Julia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was ok. The big problem is that I didn't feel like it was for me.
First off it was published 12 years ago but feels like 20. There is just a lot of stuff that seems outdated. Also the book assumes you have graduated college which I have not yet. Finally there were a lot of issues that were just irrelevant to my life. Like people who try to control your life or over achieving or almost anything having to do with relationships.
PS the intro featuring gender essentialism should have been my first red flag.

[Марія Горбач · Rating 5 out of 5]

Книжка чудова й певною мірою терапевтична для тих двадцятизчимосьрічних, що багато сумніваються й тривожаться, шукаючи відповіді на свої наріжні питання впродовж усього цього шляху від 20 до 30, - бо заспокоює неунікальністю цих проблем й спонукає до багатьох роздумів (хоча, думаю, що багатьох може ще й підштовхувати до руху й ризиків :) ).

[Bertha Leal · Rating 1 out of 5]

The title should have tipped me off but I ploughed ahead anyway and now I feel like I was somehow tricked into reading a badly written self-help book. I personally love self-help (guilty pleasure!) but there have been better attempts than this. Didn't even finish it. Meh.

[Elise · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started having my quarter-life crisis :-) admit it, you've had one too....I liked that this book was quite interactive and encouraged me to write a lot.

[Ijeoma Eboh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably too cheesy for most, but EXACTLY what I needed

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book I received as a gift from my sister. I'm in my twenties and having my own, normal, life struggles so I assume this is why it was gifted.

It really is a great idea, a book solely about aspects in life we may struggle with in our twenties. The audience is for women in their twenties. This was published in 2005, though, and the author often refers to that generation throughout the book. Some of the ideas and numbers do not hold up because of that. I feel like there's probably multiple books out there now that have done this idea in a better way (and if there is, I'd love suggestions).

It's a little over 300 pages composed of 8 chapters and 3 parts.

The first part discusses a triangle of questions: "Who Am I?" "What Do I Want?" and "How Do I Get What I Want?" This part I felt was the most important (for the book) as it sets up the main idea. Most of the book we have exercises, a majority of them are journaling, which can be tiring (at least for me). The ones I felt were most important to do and write down were in this section. My favorite part from this section was a part about motherhood, where the reader has to interview their mother using the questions provided. I thought this was interesting and profitable.

The second part is called, "Building a secure foundation." This included three chapters which each were about independence, self-security, and finance. I found these chapters to be the least valuable for me. I think that these topics could've been handled more deeply. If I was looking for each of these particular topics, I would honestly pick up a larger book or source on them. They are important for your twenties, but I don't like the approach that the author took with them. This is the area where I started to question the author's ability to handle this subject (being in your twenties). She has done research by interviewing many people and listing some resources in the back. As well as any other research not mentioned directly in the book. But because of the lack of depth and statistics I, here, began to question what I was gaining from it.

The third part is "Relationships and Career During Your Quarter-Life." It's about two chapters, one discussing love and the other discussing work. This section I felt was handled the most in-depth (compared to the others). Although I questioned the validity of what was written, I felt like what was being discussed was handled much differently here. There's more narrative and explanation here. A lot of the exercises (although I didn't really do them) was done more creatively here, as well. Previous chapters I felt just had the reader writing in a journal (or in one, interviewing) and not really doing much with it. Although, you could say one in a previous part did have the reader draw something (although I REFUSE to draw). This section, with the exercises, there was a lot of exercises saying things like "place this under a pillow and manifest it." Which I think is useful for longevity. With this topic, it's important that we take the good advice we are given and repetitively use it. With the past exercises I felt like you could really write and forget about them, but with these they were amazing for continuing to seek what the reader wants.

Although I felt like this book was a good idea, it does not carry out a good execution. Being a short novel (at 300 pages) considering the broad topic being discussed, I felt like it was watered down. There could be full books on each of these topics discussed in the novel. I don't feel like it holds up to today, either, because of how often the author talks about the "generation" this book was written for.

I will say a positive of this book was it gave me motivation, especially with the first part of the novel because I was focusing on a lot of what I wanted to achieve, personally. The book also gave me things to think about. I think because some of the topics aren't talked about at length, if the reader is interested in something in particular they're going to want to seek out additional information. This book doesn't have all the answers (and it couldn't, at 300 pages). For me, not only am I interested in seeking out information on work, creativity, and love, I learned I'm interested in reading more about insecurity. The topic was discussed in the self-security chapter and was not handled in depth. So this book did make me more aware of things I should additionally learn about.

Overall this was an interesting book. I don't think it would be the first thing I recommend to someone, although it's hard to say because I think I need to read more in this area. The main reason I read it was because it was a gift and I pretty much fit the audience of the book (aside from the generation).

[Oleksandra Manson · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Принятие часто оказывается сложнейшим этапом”
Понять и принять то, что происходит в жизни, сохранять душевное равновесие - как-то бывает сложно с этими вопросами. После двадцати появляются новые заботы, новые обязательства, нужно брать на себя ответственность, принимать решения…правильные, порой неправильные.
«Иногда этот жизненный этап похож на веселую возню на газоне под проливным дождем, а иногда вы чувствуете себя так, будто вытаскиваете увязшую в грязи машину, да еще под проливным дождем»
- интересная метафора 😊
Эта книга, явно, не научный труд. Автор скорее хочет показать нам, что мы все в этом возрасте проходим через определённые сложности и часто, чувствуем одно и тоже. То самое «похмелье от ожиданий», разочарование, растерянность … в книге описано множество разных историй, абсолютно разных людей. В каких-то вы точно найдёте себя.
Один из основных посылов книги – «Двадцатилетние проводят меньше времени в настоящем, чем атеист в церкви». Вот тут в точку.
«Между двадцатью и тридцатью годами мы слишком сильно фокусируемся на своем будущем, одновременно пытаясь понять, кто мы вообще такие (опираясь в основном на детский опыт), при этом с нездоровой одержимостью сравниваем собственные результаты с чужими.»
И так в любой сфере в жизни (пойдёт речь и об отношениях, семье, работе и так далее) - жить в настоящем, сосредоточиться на собственных краткосрочных целях и верить, что жизнь наладится сама собой.
Книга лёгкая, без заумных речей, но какая-то душевная) мне понравилась, так что советую

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me and while it would have been better had I read it earlier in my 20s, I still found that certain chapters really resonated with me. If you read this, you probably won't find EVERY chapter helpful because chances are some portions of your life are going well, but the exercises that lead to self-discovery are quite helpful. Even if you don't write down the answers (because then this book would take significantly longer to get through!), just thinking over the questions gets the ball rolling and you'll find yourself thinking over those same questions while you're working out, while you're daydreaming at work, while you're taking a shower, etc... There are lots of pieces of advice in this book which can be helpful if they fit your personality, but even if they don't, opening your eyes to all the possibilities and realizing that you are never quite as "stuck" as you think, is quite liberating. I'd recommend this book to anyone who doesn't feel like they quite understand the "goal" of adulthood, so to speak, or anyone who is trying to figure out where they fit in once the boundaries and structure of living with our parents and going to college has been removed.

[Tara Machado · Rating 1 out of 5]

so there wasn't anything inherently wrong with this book except for how one-note and boring it felt. the author's writing and personality fell a little flat and the topics didn't necessarily make me want to refocus my thinking to be the best me I can be. I wanted to not be reading it most of the time and just continued for the sake of completing what I had started. I will say, however, that the book is about 14 years old, so I knew going into it that it may be a little dated. the feelings of worry are eternal, but some of the concepts (ie. it being pretty heteronormative and superficial) felt off. I think this book would've helped me more when I originally purchased it, about 7 years ago, so that's my bad for waiting, but maybe in a way I didn't need the book anymore and it was just a reminder of what I had overcome in my own life.

all this to say: it's readable if you're not expecting some life-changing shift in your brain, but more of a gentle massage on your potentially intrusive thoughts.