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Personality Plus for Couples: Understanding Yourself and the One You Love
The best-selling author of Personality Plus and Personality Plus for Parents now shows couples how to apply the personality principles that have made Florence so popular. Husbands and wives will understand why they act the way they do and how they can best respond to each other.
Personality Plus for Couples gives husbands and wives:
* a personality profile test to identify their personality types
* the trademark characteristics of each personality type
* ways to resolve hot conflicts that arise between spouses
* what to expect if you marry someone of the same type, someone of the opposite type, or someone with a compatible personality type
Littauer offers pages of stories and practical insight about how to approach each personality differently. When husbands and wives care enough to understand what makes the other tick, they can celebrate each other's individuality and build a marriage that lasts.
Personality Plus for Couples gives husbands and wives:
* a personality profile test to identify their personality types
* the trademark characteristics of each personality type
* ways to resolve hot conflicts that arise between spouses
* what to expect if you marry someone of the same type, someone of the opposite type, or someone with a compatible personality type
Littauer offers pages of stories and practical insight about how to approach each personality differently. When husbands and wives care enough to understand what makes the other tick, they can celebrate each other's individuality and build a marriage that lasts.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2001
49 people are currently reading
614 people want to read
About the author
Florence Littauer
115 books60 followersFlorence Littauer is a Christian self-help author and public speaker. Littauer is best known for her series of books based upon the Personality Plus personality system. She was listed as one of Helen K. Hosier's "100 Christian Women Who Changed the Twentieth Century" and has received the National Speakers Association's Council of Peers Award for Excellence and has been designated by them as a Certified Speaking Professional.
--From Wikipedia
--From Wikipedia
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
May 20, 2021
I bought this book because I did like the author's first book about the four personalities, and thought it would be fun for my husband and I to read this couples version of the book together. I write this negative review with the acknowledgement, first and foremost, that I really like the four personalities and have learned a lot by understanding that I am a choleric/melancholy! I am not critiquing the four personalities, but rather the author's HUGE bias in the book towards women, as well as the author's inconsistency. I honestly don't even want to give this book one star - it deserves zero stars. We did not even finish this book, it was so bad (but we did read over half of it).
I was increasingly upset while reading this book over the fact that MANY of her stories (if not all of them) were heavily sexist. I was also upset at the lack of female representations for cholerics - like she expect all natural leaders to be male. In the same vein, most of the phlegmatics in her stories were female, and my husband is a phlegmatic, so he did not feel represented at all.
That wasn't the worst of it though. I was really disturbed that in her numerous stories about couples having fights where the men and women both acted ridiculous almost EXCLUSIVELY ended with the woman needing to make some change or overlook some personality trait of her husband's. I kept reading hoping that it would even out, and sometimes the author would call on the husband to change or make an adjustment or overlook his wife's personality trait, but no! 99% of the stories in this book went like this: the husband acts like a complete fool, the wife reacts negatively, the wife learns about the four personalities, the wife changes and accepts her husband's personality, he never changes, everything is peaceful and perfect the end. That was the pattern for almost EVERY story, regardless of the personality she was writing about.
Now this was written from a Christian perspective, and that made it even more disturbing for me. There is a subtle and evil message in the conservative church that if a marriage is not thriving, the woman is at fault, and must be more obliging, more submissive, more affirming of her husband's leadership etc etc and the list goes on. Women are overtly at fault if a marriage isn't working, is the subtle message put forth in many sermons, Bible studies, and teachings in the church. Sadly, this book also fit the bill. My husband and I were both honestly SHOCKED how often in the stories a husband would act SINFUL, and his behavior get labeled by the author as "part of his personality," with the wife saving the day by "accepting her husband's unique personality" and basically allowing his sinful behavior to continue.
Now I get that we all have certain sins we're prone to because of our personality and the way God made us, but I 100% reject the notion that any sin is acceptable just because it's a personality thing, and what angered me the most was the heavily gendered bias making men the ones women must accept, and not the other way around. Women reading this book who are struggling with their husbands' sinful or even abusive behavior are going to be misled into thinking they can save their relationship by overlooking his flaws, being sweeter, and fitting themselves into their (usually phlegmatic or sanguine, according to the book) personality boxes. Honestly disgusted me, and I would never recommend this author to anyone, even though I really do like the idea of the four personalities. Ms. Littauer should be ashamed of herself for being so sexist and not giving equal representation to all the genders within all the personalities.
I was increasingly upset while reading this book over the fact that MANY of her stories (if not all of them) were heavily sexist. I was also upset at the lack of female representations for cholerics - like she expect all natural leaders to be male. In the same vein, most of the phlegmatics in her stories were female, and my husband is a phlegmatic, so he did not feel represented at all.
That wasn't the worst of it though. I was really disturbed that in her numerous stories about couples having fights where the men and women both acted ridiculous almost EXCLUSIVELY ended with the woman needing to make some change or overlook some personality trait of her husband's. I kept reading hoping that it would even out, and sometimes the author would call on the husband to change or make an adjustment or overlook his wife's personality trait, but no! 99% of the stories in this book went like this: the husband acts like a complete fool, the wife reacts negatively, the wife learns about the four personalities, the wife changes and accepts her husband's personality, he never changes, everything is peaceful and perfect the end. That was the pattern for almost EVERY story, regardless of the personality she was writing about.
Now this was written from a Christian perspective, and that made it even more disturbing for me. There is a subtle and evil message in the conservative church that if a marriage is not thriving, the woman is at fault, and must be more obliging, more submissive, more affirming of her husband's leadership etc etc and the list goes on. Women are overtly at fault if a marriage isn't working, is the subtle message put forth in many sermons, Bible studies, and teachings in the church. Sadly, this book also fit the bill. My husband and I were both honestly SHOCKED how often in the stories a husband would act SINFUL, and his behavior get labeled by the author as "part of his personality," with the wife saving the day by "accepting her husband's unique personality" and basically allowing his sinful behavior to continue.
Now I get that we all have certain sins we're prone to because of our personality and the way God made us, but I 100% reject the notion that any sin is acceptable just because it's a personality thing, and what angered me the most was the heavily gendered bias making men the ones women must accept, and not the other way around. Women reading this book who are struggling with their husbands' sinful or even abusive behavior are going to be misled into thinking they can save their relationship by overlooking his flaws, being sweeter, and fitting themselves into their (usually phlegmatic or sanguine, according to the book) personality boxes. Honestly disgusted me, and I would never recommend this author to anyone, even though I really do like the idea of the four personalities. Ms. Littauer should be ashamed of herself for being so sexist and not giving equal representation to all the genders within all the personalities.
March 10, 2015
In researching the new series I am writing on creating a spiritual growth plan for your children by temperament, I read numerous books and articles on the temperaments. Personality Plus for Couples was one of the best--if not the best. Littauer's temperament test was definitely the best I have seen, with its definition of each adjective used to describe one's temperament. Unique to Littauer were her observations on the primary need, fear, cause of depression, and means of manipulation for each temperament. She also tells what kind of people (not temperamentally, but in character) each temperament likes. While we usually hear that "opposites attract," Littauer proposes that this is true only of younger couples. More mature people, she says, choose a mate similar to themselves. This was true of my husband and me, who share many melancholic traits. (We married in our thirties.) Very helpful and balanced. The only criticism I can think of is that she uses the term "personality" as a synonym for "temperament." Most authorities consider temperament just one aspect of personality.
May 18, 2022
Personality Plus was a recommended part of an entrepreneurial course that I completed. The focus of the book is to understand some key personalities and how difficult people interacted together. Although I was there to learn how to deal better with people who I encountered in business, I found that the book gave me significant insights into my marriage.
I learned how my partner and I interact. I can honestly say that it removed a lot of strife from my relationship as I began to see my husband through the eyes of a personality type, and many of the conflicts that we had were resolved.
Then I began to wonder.. Could this book help me to create better characters in my books? What if I could predict what sorts of responses my characters would make if I knew what their personality types were.
There are some super questionnaires to help you better understand yourself and how you interact with people. I enjoyed that the author listed some real life examples of how other people interacted and I had a number of aha moments where I could laugh at myself and recognise behaviours of others.
So whether you are an author creating character lists or you are waiting to improve your pitches or your family life, you can glean many lessons from this book.
I learned how my partner and I interact. I can honestly say that it removed a lot of strife from my relationship as I began to see my husband through the eyes of a personality type, and many of the conflicts that we had were resolved.
Then I began to wonder.. Could this book help me to create better characters in my books? What if I could predict what sorts of responses my characters would make if I knew what their personality types were.
There are some super questionnaires to help you better understand yourself and how you interact with people. I enjoyed that the author listed some real life examples of how other people interacted and I had a number of aha moments where I could laugh at myself and recognise behaviours of others.
So whether you are an author creating character lists or you are waiting to improve your pitches or your family life, you can glean many lessons from this book.
Read
April 7, 2008Who is your spouse? do you really know this person? eventually not..we still need to learn more about each other. Our live is not about making money,do the responsibilities as husband and wife.it's much much more than that.
October 12, 2008
My 2nd favorite "learn more about yourself and your spouse" type book. Great insights. Now instead of becoming annoyed we can laugh at our differences.
July 20, 2025
A heartfelt guide to decoding the quirks, clashes, and quiet strengths that shape every relationship. Florence Littauer brings her signature personality framework to the realm of marriage, helping couples understand not just each other—but themselves. Through engaging anecdotes and a practical personality profile test, she reveals how temperament influences communication, conflict, and connection.
Whether you're married to your opposite or your mirror, this book offers tools to navigate differences with empathy and humor. Littauer’s approach is both faith-rooted and psychologically grounded, making it accessible and deeply affirming. It’s not about changing your partner—it’s about celebrating who they are and learning how to love them better.
Perfect for couples seeking deeper understanding, or anyone curious about the emotional architecture of lasting love.
Whether you're married to your opposite or your mirror, this book offers tools to navigate differences with empathy and humor. Littauer’s approach is both faith-rooted and psychologically grounded, making it accessible and deeply affirming. It’s not about changing your partner—it’s about celebrating who they are and learning how to love them better.
Perfect for couples seeking deeper understanding, or anyone curious about the emotional architecture of lasting love.
July 6, 2024
I found this book very insightful as I hadn't read Personality Plus first and this was my first time being exposed to the four personality types, which I recognised as accurate for the people in my life and applicable for myself.
That said, the examples used throughout haven't dated well and reading this as an atheist, there were many passages that made me cringe and vow to stop reading this book further. I persevered and skipped through a few paragraphs but as another reviewer mentioned, the conclusion to most examples used is everything is the wife's fault and the wife must always change her behaviour. Husbands, regardless of how ridiculous their behaviour, are always in the right and must be "served".
🤮
That said, the examples used throughout haven't dated well and reading this as an atheist, there were many passages that made me cringe and vow to stop reading this book further. I persevered and skipped through a few paragraphs but as another reviewer mentioned, the conclusion to most examples used is everything is the wife's fault and the wife must always change her behaviour. Husbands, regardless of how ridiculous their behaviour, are always in the right and must be "served".
🤮
October 7, 2019
If you’re familiar with DISC or any other profiling methods I don’t think you’ll get a huge amount from this book apart from revisiting the tendencies - perhaps it will make you rethink things you already know and should put into action? Also I found the examples not very helpful as there are no details on specific actions other people took to give you new ideas. Rather they basically say they used the principles in the book to improve their relationship which is a waste of time for me.
November 27, 2021
An interesting book to read!
March 23, 2023
Very helpful and practical for understanding yourself and your spouse
March 12, 2024
This book is a game changer for any relationship, romantic or friends. It helps you understand what each personality needs, and how to communicate effectively. Definitely need to read Personality Plus first. It is a must read to understand when people aren't being rude, it is just a personality trait.
January 13, 2019
Exceptional book! Even if I red before the others "Personality Plus" books, I found this one useful also. First, because it reminds known but maybe hidden things, and then because I think that it contains information that will be applied daily with almost no effort, but with great benefits for self and for couple.
Read
July 2, 2010Enjoyed this look at personality in couples. Some of my favorite quotes:
“Lynn recommended my book After Every Wedding Comes a Marriage and added, ‘You won’t like it, but it’s what your marriage needs.’”
“As she read of God’s plan for marriage, Cheri realized she had followed her own plan. She had not been using her personality to complement her husband but as a weapon to get her way. Even though she had married him for his pleasant Sanguine/Phlegmatic ways, she had tried to take control and turn him into something different. She had removed his confidence and not responded to his humor. And she had ridiculed him in front of others. Ignoring God’s plan of submitting to Randy’s leadership, Choleric Cheri had been using all her manipulative ways to control him.”
“It took a lot of hard work, some of it very painful, to restore Cheri and Randy’s marriage. But when Cheri learned to accept Randy as he was and leave the changing to the Lord, the charming man she had married returned, and so did his beautiful wife. She now enjoys his humor, lingers in his conversations, and relaxes in his leadership, all because she went to the Master Builder and asked Him to show her how to restore what she had unknowingly torn down.”
“No personality theory can give you a perfect key for unlocking every mystery in your spouse. Learning about the personalities is a great benefit to your marriage – but it cannot be a substitute for good communication between you and your spouse.”
“When you begin to feel that your needs are going unmet, don’t keep your spouse guessing about what’s wrong. Remember, they have their own unique personality and that makes it difficult for them to see things from your perspective.”
“ Instead, take the time to sit down with each other and talk about your needs. You may be surprised to learn that the things you thought your spouse would appreciate the most are the very things that annoy them to no end! Clearly communicating your needs helps your spouse understand how to show you love in a way that you will appreciate. And once you begin feeling loved, you can’t help but reciprocate, starting a healthy cycle of love that keeps drawing you and your spouse together.”
“Lynn recommended my book After Every Wedding Comes a Marriage and added, ‘You won’t like it, but it’s what your marriage needs.’”
“As she read of God’s plan for marriage, Cheri realized she had followed her own plan. She had not been using her personality to complement her husband but as a weapon to get her way. Even though she had married him for his pleasant Sanguine/Phlegmatic ways, she had tried to take control and turn him into something different. She had removed his confidence and not responded to his humor. And she had ridiculed him in front of others. Ignoring God’s plan of submitting to Randy’s leadership, Choleric Cheri had been using all her manipulative ways to control him.”
“It took a lot of hard work, some of it very painful, to restore Cheri and Randy’s marriage. But when Cheri learned to accept Randy as he was and leave the changing to the Lord, the charming man she had married returned, and so did his beautiful wife. She now enjoys his humor, lingers in his conversations, and relaxes in his leadership, all because she went to the Master Builder and asked Him to show her how to restore what she had unknowingly torn down.”
“No personality theory can give you a perfect key for unlocking every mystery in your spouse. Learning about the personalities is a great benefit to your marriage – but it cannot be a substitute for good communication between you and your spouse.”
“When you begin to feel that your needs are going unmet, don’t keep your spouse guessing about what’s wrong. Remember, they have their own unique personality and that makes it difficult for them to see things from your perspective.”
“ Instead, take the time to sit down with each other and talk about your needs. You may be surprised to learn that the things you thought your spouse would appreciate the most are the very things that annoy them to no end! Clearly communicating your needs helps your spouse understand how to show you love in a way that you will appreciate. And once you begin feeling loved, you can’t help but reciprocate, starting a healthy cycle of love that keeps drawing you and your spouse together.”
April 25, 2013
Personality Plus was a fantastic book, and Florence Littauer does it again. My fourth Personality plus book, each takes a diametrically different approach to the same question, "Why do people act the way they do?" And this time it's in response to a marital or courting circumstance. Littauer lists many different scenario's in this book and gives excellent advice into the quarrels, joys, and dreams of every relationship.
A special surprise is the chapter on like personalities. Many questions that were not answered with other books are tackled here with force, such as how a Melancholy sees their time and how a Choleric can view responsibility in marriage. Although her other books each do a fantastic job in their respective areas, this is a great book for married couples, particularly to those out of the honeymoon phase.
A special surprise is the chapter on like personalities. Many questions that were not answered with other books are tackled here with force, such as how a Melancholy sees their time and how a Choleric can view responsibility in marriage. Although her other books each do a fantastic job in their respective areas, this is a great book for married couples, particularly to those out of the honeymoon phase.
July 28, 2007
It's really interesting to learn more about your own personality. What this book did for me was so how my personality works (& doesn't work well) with my husband's personality. Then, it shows how we can work better together. I've realized that while I can be pretty sensitive, he's just cutting up because it's his fun, Sanguine personality. And when I want to go, go, go, I also need to understand my husband's desire to relax. So how do we make it work? The book actually talks about how I can slow down some and my hubbie can start doing more fun activities with me.
Good book.
Good book.
December 14, 2014
Πιο καλογραμμένο (ή πιο καλομεταφρασμένο) από το Προσωπικότητα Συν. Φυσικά υπάρχει διάχυτη και πάλι η θρησκευτική πίστη της συγγραφέως, αλλά και πάλι το βιβλίο παραμένει απολαυστικό και χρήσιμο. Αυτή τη φορά προσανατολισμένο στις σχέσεις των ζευγαριών, διηγείται πολλές ιστορίες καθημερινής τρέλας, απ' τη ζωή του καθενός μας, που πραγματικά με λίγη κατανόηση απ' την πλευρά των χαρακτήρων όλα γίνονται πολύ πιο εύκολα. Τουλάχιστον έχει δουλέψει σημαντικά για μένα και το σύζυγό μου.
May 20, 2011
One of the best psychological personality book I have ever read. It really opened my eyes about myself and people around me. Love the real-life examples. They are amusing to hear but so true. Will recommend it to everyone. By the way, as a melancholy, according to the book, it is really hard for me to be so excited about something and trust it enough to recommend it, so it is an awesome book!
September 28, 2016
I gave this a 4 because I think understanding the temperaments is essential for healthy interpersonal relationships. But I do want to point out that this is from a very specific Christian perspective, and the temperaments themselves are not. I would like to read a book from a more secular perspective that would be more accessible for my non-Christian friends.
May 19, 2008
knowing your spouse..why he did this / that, how to handle / communicate...good book
September 24, 2008
Oh the countless ways I've come to understand the complexities of man from the basis of this simplistic book!
June 5, 2011
Brilliant book to really help you understand the difference in you and your partner and also the challenges you face.
Read
August 9, 2011Pretty accurate -- my husband and I were surprised at the accuracy, really. Many stories and examples, which kept the subject matter interesting. Good read. :)
August 31, 2012
A great read for everybody to understand about the different types of personalities and how to cope with it. A must read for couples
January 31, 2013
This book was an eye opener to understanding myself and my husband and why we work so well together and why we are often frustrated. Highly recommend!
Want to read
March 4, 2014great
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 5, 2019
68/100 (= 2.9/6) ≈ 2 Stars
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November 22, 2007Understand the truth...
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews