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Put the Disciple into Discipline: Parenting with Love and Limits
PUT THE DISCIPLE INTO DISCIPLINE gives parents the tools they need to truly disciple their kids through their most trying discipline situations.
What do you say when your kid has really messed up?
How do you respond when your three-year-old is throwing pennies at other carts as you walk through the aisles at Target? Or when your eight-year-old daughter rolls her eyes in a dramatic fit of preteen angst? Or when your sixteen-year-old son is lying as he attempts to go somewhere that he never should be?
These are the tough moments in parenting.
But they are also the moments that will define your kids.
We want to give parents the tools they need to truly disciple their kids through their most trying discipline situations. With these tools, parents can guide their kids' hearts towards the God who loves them deeply, and survive those pull-out-your-hair parenting moments. We pray that PUT THE DISCIPLE INTO DISCIPLINE will help parents to connect with their kids in a heartfelt way so that their kids, in turn, can connect with the God who created them to be truly and imperfectly His.
What do you say when your kid has really messed up?
How do you respond when your three-year-old is throwing pennies at other carts as you walk through the aisles at Target? Or when your eight-year-old daughter rolls her eyes in a dramatic fit of preteen angst? Or when your sixteen-year-old son is lying as he attempts to go somewhere that he never should be?
These are the tough moments in parenting.
But they are also the moments that will define your kids.
We want to give parents the tools they need to truly disciple their kids through their most trying discipline situations. With these tools, parents can guide their kids' hearts towards the God who loves them deeply, and survive those pull-out-your-hair parenting moments. We pray that PUT THE DISCIPLE INTO DISCIPLINE will help parents to connect with their kids in a heartfelt way so that their kids, in turn, can connect with the God who created them to be truly and imperfectly His.
- GenresParenting
226 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 20, 2017
13 people are currently reading
431 people want to read
About the author
Erin MacPherson
21 books23 followersHi! I'm Erin. I'm a 32-year-old mom of two. And, if we're being honest, I'm not really qualified to guide anyone on anything.
My house is a mess, my daughter has been halfway potty trained for five months and I just stuffed an entire load of clean, dry laundry into a laundry basket without folding it. The last time I attempted a craft with my kids, it ended in a tempra-paint induced meltdown (from me, not my kids). I'm not particularly organized or style-savvy or discipline-wise.
But, I am a mom. And a Christian. And since my new pregnancy book (coming March 1, 2011) is entitled "The Christian Mama's Guide to Having a Baby", I figured that entitling my blog "Christian Mama's Guide" just made sense.
So, welcome! Pull up a chair. Get comfortable. I can't wait to meet and connect with other moms like me-- moms who just love their husbands, love their kids and love their not-so-organized, not-so-crafty and not-so-fashionable lives. I'd love to hear your stories, your ideas and your thoughts and (if you have any) your potty training advice.
My house is a mess, my daughter has been halfway potty trained for five months and I just stuffed an entire load of clean, dry laundry into a laundry basket without folding it. The last time I attempted a craft with my kids, it ended in a tempra-paint induced meltdown (from me, not my kids). I'm not particularly organized or style-savvy or discipline-wise.
But, I am a mom. And a Christian. And since my new pregnancy book (coming March 1, 2011) is entitled "The Christian Mama's Guide to Having a Baby", I figured that entitling my blog "Christian Mama's Guide" just made sense.
So, welcome! Pull up a chair. Get comfortable. I can't wait to meet and connect with other moms like me-- moms who just love their husbands, love their kids and love their not-so-organized, not-so-crafty and not-so-fashionable lives. I'd love to hear your stories, your ideas and your thoughts and (if you have any) your potty training advice.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
July 1, 2017
Just about everything you purchase comes with directions or instructions. Not so with having children and becoming a parent. This book helps parents know they are not alone, and offers alternative solutions in handling situations, attitudes, and yes, appropriate discipline.
I won a copy of this book during a Goodreads giveaway. I am under no obligation to leave a review or rating and do so voluntarily. I am paying it forward by passing this book along to a daughter and mother of two girls who I think will enjoy it too.
I won a copy of this book during a Goodreads giveaway. I am under no obligation to leave a review or rating and do so voluntarily. I am paying it forward by passing this book along to a daughter and mother of two girls who I think will enjoy it too.
November 19, 2017
I loved this book! It really helped me examine my motives as a parent and how I want to teach their hearts and not just get them to obey. This book flowed well, it kept my attention (I was highlighting so much), and offered practical steps I could take.
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May 12, 2017Put the Disciple into Discipline: Parenting with Love and Limits is scheduled to be released June 20, 2017 but you can preorder it right now and be one of the first to receive it.
We were sent a review copy by the publicist so that we might write a review and help spread the word about this great book.
This is not your typical parenting book. In fact, we have read many, many books on parenting and have never seen anything quite like it. Gone are the time outs, spanking, groundings and restrictions.
What you say? What’s left? This book is a Christian-based approach to disciplining your child.
Put the Disciple into Discipline was written by a mother-daughter team. This would have been helpful, but not terribly important, information early in the book. However, we don’t really find that out until late in the book.
That’s okay though. This book is chock full of anecdotes and some good common sense advice that is not so common these days. If we were to sum up the approach to this book, we would have to say that it is sort of like, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a life time.”
Punish a child and you get the results you seek for a short time. Teach him the proper way to behaving in a loving, Christian way, and you get the proper results for a lifetime.
You are not going to get an answer for every discipline problem you face. However, you will get ideas about how to face problems not even mentioned in this book.
Put the Disciple into Discipline is chock full of Biblical references. This mother/daughter tag team takes turns writing chapters and answering questions throughout the book.
We will be adding Put the Disciple into Discipline to the recommended reading list for How to Manage Your Monkey. You may also want to visit their blogs at:
www.christianmamasguide.com and www.familywings.org
We give Put the Disciple into Discipline all five stars on our scale of zero to five stars. It would make a wonderful gift to parents who are struggling with trying to raise Christian children. It would also be a great idea to purchase an extra copy and give it to your church library.
We were sent a review copy by the publicist so that we might write a review and help spread the word about this great book.
This is not your typical parenting book. In fact, we have read many, many books on parenting and have never seen anything quite like it. Gone are the time outs, spanking, groundings and restrictions.
What you say? What’s left? This book is a Christian-based approach to disciplining your child.
Put the Disciple into Discipline was written by a mother-daughter team. This would have been helpful, but not terribly important, information early in the book. However, we don’t really find that out until late in the book.
That’s okay though. This book is chock full of anecdotes and some good common sense advice that is not so common these days. If we were to sum up the approach to this book, we would have to say that it is sort of like, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a life time.”
Punish a child and you get the results you seek for a short time. Teach him the proper way to behaving in a loving, Christian way, and you get the proper results for a lifetime.
You are not going to get an answer for every discipline problem you face. However, you will get ideas about how to face problems not even mentioned in this book.
Put the Disciple into Discipline is chock full of Biblical references. This mother/daughter tag team takes turns writing chapters and answering questions throughout the book.
We will be adding Put the Disciple into Discipline to the recommended reading list for How to Manage Your Monkey. You may also want to visit their blogs at:
www.christianmamasguide.com and www.familywings.org
We give Put the Disciple into Discipline all five stars on our scale of zero to five stars. It would make a wonderful gift to parents who are struggling with trying to raise Christian children. It would also be a great idea to purchase an extra copy and give it to your church library.
June 20, 2017
This book is full of encouragement, practical application and points back to the heart of the child in every chapter.
I flew through the pages and know I'll keep this book handy for referencing in the years to come
I flew through the pages and know I'll keep this book handy for referencing in the years to come
June 23, 2017
I'm not a parent so I cannot write a review of a parenting book from experience. Nonetheless, I do have some observations about this book. This is a critical review so is a long one.
Ellen starts out by declaring that she thinks many of the parenting experts have gotten it wrong when it comes to discipline. They fail to communicate about discipleship and fail to help parents know how to teach their kids to desire right and know the love God has for them. That's what this book is about.
She identifies four pillars the authors look at with each topic. Discipleship not discipline: disciple kids' hearts to want to behave, let the Bible be your guide. Desire, not obedience: teach kid's to desire what is right, do not demand thoughtless obedience. Connection, not control: show them you care. Growth, not assistance: let kids solve their own problems. The authors explore a number of topics using those four pillars.
There is a great deal I liked in this book. I like how the authors remind parents that every little behavior is about a whole lot more, revealing inner character. I like how they remind parents the necessity of prayer and being led by God. Parents are to look at each situation as an opportunity to speak to their child's heart. I like that they emphasize parenting by example.
But there were also a few things that bothered me. One was mixed messages. On the chapter Drifting Apart, Ellen writes: “We have to make our relationship with our preteens and teens less about what they do – their clothes, their performance at the soccer game, their decisions to wear all black – and more about who they are.” I would think that what kids do and wear on the outside is an indication of who they are on the inside and that parents should pay attention to their children's actions. This is one of the mixed messages from the authors because in the chapter Free to Be Modest, Ellen writes: “...you have to intentionally work to get to know the reasons behind her clothing choices. Make it your aim to find out … the reasons behind her clothing choices.” So which is it, we don't have concern about what our kids wear or we do?
Another mixed message is about the inner character of a child. The authors fail to recognize the effects of the Fall in many places. In a letter to a concerned parent, we read, “I honestly believe that kids like James and Will aren't inherently mean or destructive or even disobedient at heart.” I disagree, especially if the child is not saved. We know from Scripture that the heart is deceitful. But then, in the chapter about conflicts, “We have to overcome our natural bent to handle things in an unhealthy way.” Here it seems the authors do recognize the natural bent in the unsaved to sin. So which is it? Are children not inherently bent to sin or are they?
Much of the authors' philosophy of parenting relies on the child's ability to make wise choices. They suggest lots of talking with the child, perhaps so they can choose future behavior or rethink bad behavior. This would only work for older children, ones who have the ability to reason way beyond immediate feelings and desires. I have no idea how the authors' techniques could work with young children. Also, I think we need to remember that the Bible tells us the heart is deceitful. I can just see a young teen figuring out that he can avoid punishment by being willing to talk about his behavior, promising better behavior in the future.
Unfortunately, the theology in the book is fuzzy. In the chapter about faith, they write about knowing who Jesus is and what he's done. We are told that knowledge is followed by passions and a desire to be intimate with God. There was never a clear message about salvation and the transformation that occurs in a child's spirit. There is never a reminder to talk with your child about saving faith or leading them to accept Jesus as their Savior.
There are some techniques that bother me as well. They use aversion tactics. When writing about outbursts of anger, we are told, “give your kid something else to do – something helpful – at that moment when the spark flares...” Is that truly helping the child deal with the anger and its cause? Here is another suggestion I find unsatisfactory. “So the key for when your kids are ungrateful is this: simply ignore it. Shrug.” Walk away and take treats and special stuff with you. Is that using the occasion as a teaching opportunity? And in the chapter about bullying, Erin says she was taught by her mother to say with a dull voice, “I don't care about that anyway.” She was told that no matter how much she cared, she was not to show any emotion to the bully. I think that is setting up a child for hiding emotions and hurt.
I do recommend this book but with reservations. It is a good one for parents who want to be intentional in their parenting. The authors provide many examples of parenting moments and how their techniques work. They even provide some examples of bad parenting moments and the lessons one can learn from them. I would suggest readers seriously think through the suggestions given. There are many good ideas in this book but some I do think need further evaluating before using.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
Ellen starts out by declaring that she thinks many of the parenting experts have gotten it wrong when it comes to discipline. They fail to communicate about discipleship and fail to help parents know how to teach their kids to desire right and know the love God has for them. That's what this book is about.
She identifies four pillars the authors look at with each topic. Discipleship not discipline: disciple kids' hearts to want to behave, let the Bible be your guide. Desire, not obedience: teach kid's to desire what is right, do not demand thoughtless obedience. Connection, not control: show them you care. Growth, not assistance: let kids solve their own problems. The authors explore a number of topics using those four pillars.
There is a great deal I liked in this book. I like how the authors remind parents that every little behavior is about a whole lot more, revealing inner character. I like how they remind parents the necessity of prayer and being led by God. Parents are to look at each situation as an opportunity to speak to their child's heart. I like that they emphasize parenting by example.
But there were also a few things that bothered me. One was mixed messages. On the chapter Drifting Apart, Ellen writes: “We have to make our relationship with our preteens and teens less about what they do – their clothes, their performance at the soccer game, their decisions to wear all black – and more about who they are.” I would think that what kids do and wear on the outside is an indication of who they are on the inside and that parents should pay attention to their children's actions. This is one of the mixed messages from the authors because in the chapter Free to Be Modest, Ellen writes: “...you have to intentionally work to get to know the reasons behind her clothing choices. Make it your aim to find out … the reasons behind her clothing choices.” So which is it, we don't have concern about what our kids wear or we do?
Another mixed message is about the inner character of a child. The authors fail to recognize the effects of the Fall in many places. In a letter to a concerned parent, we read, “I honestly believe that kids like James and Will aren't inherently mean or destructive or even disobedient at heart.” I disagree, especially if the child is not saved. We know from Scripture that the heart is deceitful. But then, in the chapter about conflicts, “We have to overcome our natural bent to handle things in an unhealthy way.” Here it seems the authors do recognize the natural bent in the unsaved to sin. So which is it? Are children not inherently bent to sin or are they?
Much of the authors' philosophy of parenting relies on the child's ability to make wise choices. They suggest lots of talking with the child, perhaps so they can choose future behavior or rethink bad behavior. This would only work for older children, ones who have the ability to reason way beyond immediate feelings and desires. I have no idea how the authors' techniques could work with young children. Also, I think we need to remember that the Bible tells us the heart is deceitful. I can just see a young teen figuring out that he can avoid punishment by being willing to talk about his behavior, promising better behavior in the future.
Unfortunately, the theology in the book is fuzzy. In the chapter about faith, they write about knowing who Jesus is and what he's done. We are told that knowledge is followed by passions and a desire to be intimate with God. There was never a clear message about salvation and the transformation that occurs in a child's spirit. There is never a reminder to talk with your child about saving faith or leading them to accept Jesus as their Savior.
There are some techniques that bother me as well. They use aversion tactics. When writing about outbursts of anger, we are told, “give your kid something else to do – something helpful – at that moment when the spark flares...” Is that truly helping the child deal with the anger and its cause? Here is another suggestion I find unsatisfactory. “So the key for when your kids are ungrateful is this: simply ignore it. Shrug.” Walk away and take treats and special stuff with you. Is that using the occasion as a teaching opportunity? And in the chapter about bullying, Erin says she was taught by her mother to say with a dull voice, “I don't care about that anyway.” She was told that no matter how much she cared, she was not to show any emotion to the bully. I think that is setting up a child for hiding emotions and hurt.
I do recommend this book but with reservations. It is a good one for parents who want to be intentional in their parenting. The authors provide many examples of parenting moments and how their techniques work. They even provide some examples of bad parenting moments and the lessons one can learn from them. I would suggest readers seriously think through the suggestions given. There are many good ideas in this book but some I do think need further evaluating before using.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
June 17, 2017
Put the Disciple into Discipline by Erin MacPherson and Ellen Schuknecht is an excellent parenting book that teaches parents how they can express love and put in place the right limits in their children’s lives.
This is sure to be a valuable and timeless resource for any parents who want to raise their children according to biblical principles.
I found this book to be a must read for anyone who desires to properly influence the next generation to know and love God more purely. It is filled with applicable principles and wonderful examples of how the authors have implemented them in their lives. These act as a great guiding point of how to make the same principles work in the lives of readers.
The authors definitely challenged me to reexamine the biblical principles of discipline, beyond the act of physical correction, which resulted in me confronting flaws I never saw in my parenting approach. They thoroughly examined discipline from what they termed as the “four pillars”, which are: “discipleship, not discipline; desire, not obedience; connection, not control; and growth, not assistance.”
Wow! Imagine not seeking to control our children, but instead connecting with them while reshaping them for God’s kingdom use. I recommend this book to every parent and educator. This book will revolutionize our methods and cause us to avoid many old pitfalls birthed out of ignorance.
I truly enjoyed this book and plan to purchase copies for my clients and family members. Thank you Erin and Ellen for such a labor of love!
I received this book free from the publisher through their book review bloggers program.
This is sure to be a valuable and timeless resource for any parents who want to raise their children according to biblical principles.
I found this book to be a must read for anyone who desires to properly influence the next generation to know and love God more purely. It is filled with applicable principles and wonderful examples of how the authors have implemented them in their lives. These act as a great guiding point of how to make the same principles work in the lives of readers.
The authors definitely challenged me to reexamine the biblical principles of discipline, beyond the act of physical correction, which resulted in me confronting flaws I never saw in my parenting approach. They thoroughly examined discipline from what they termed as the “four pillars”, which are: “discipleship, not discipline; desire, not obedience; connection, not control; and growth, not assistance.”
Wow! Imagine not seeking to control our children, but instead connecting with them while reshaping them for God’s kingdom use. I recommend this book to every parent and educator. This book will revolutionize our methods and cause us to avoid many old pitfalls birthed out of ignorance.
I truly enjoyed this book and plan to purchase copies for my clients and family members. Thank you Erin and Ellen for such a labor of love!
I received this book free from the publisher through their book review bloggers program.
June 5, 2017
Put the Disciple into Discipline: Parenting with Love and Limits is a practical parenting book by Erin MacPherson and Ellen Schuknecht. Erin is a mother of three kids, and Ellen is a mother of three adult children and eleven grandchildren. The authors talk about topics relating to parenting, such as self-control, perfection, gratefulness, shame, anger, belonging, kindness, modesty, morality, bullying, fear, and faith. The book also includes stories of how the authors parented in specific situations, and it also explores .the child’s point of view in these situations.
One of my favorite chapters of Ellen’s was “Drifting Apart,” which discusses navigating relationships with your children as they gain independence and separate identities from their parents. One of my favorite chapters of Erin’s was “When Shame Takes Over,” which examines how to help a shame-driven child and gives practical solutions for dealing with shame.
I loved Ellen’s chapter on modesty – especially how the author points out how damaging illogical modesty rules can be for children. Erin’s chapter on bullying is probably more beneficial if your child is the bully rather than if they are being bullied. (On a side note, if your child is being picked on, there are many books and websites specifically devoted to bullying.) It is nice to have the perspectives of two different mothers; it would be interesting to discuss this book with your spouse, seeing how your own parenting style compares and contrasts to that of both authors.
*I received this book for review*
One of my favorite chapters of Ellen’s was “Drifting Apart,” which discusses navigating relationships with your children as they gain independence and separate identities from their parents. One of my favorite chapters of Erin’s was “When Shame Takes Over,” which examines how to help a shame-driven child and gives practical solutions for dealing with shame.
I loved Ellen’s chapter on modesty – especially how the author points out how damaging illogical modesty rules can be for children. Erin’s chapter on bullying is probably more beneficial if your child is the bully rather than if they are being bullied. (On a side note, if your child is being picked on, there are many books and websites specifically devoted to bullying.) It is nice to have the perspectives of two different mothers; it would be interesting to discuss this book with your spouse, seeing how your own parenting style compares and contrasts to that of both authors.
*I received this book for review*
June 22, 2017
One more book on parenting! That may sound like a negative but it isn't meant to. This book's premise is to DISCIPLE your children as you DISCIPLINE them. Great concept! This book is practical and purposeful helping the parent/s to build strong relationship with their kids and to grow them up in the plan and purpose of their heavenly Father. I love the subtitle, "Parenting with Love and Limits." No one ever talks about boundaries anymore - but they are key to a victorious life. There are and always will be limitations. There ARE rules. There is right and there is wrong. Grow them up but don't be helicopter parents always hovering - making decisions and choices is key to growing up and maturity. Sure, bad decisions and bad choices are bound to happen but let them live through the consequences of those - don't cover them up or try to fix them up. Parents, Caregivers, Guardians, Teachers...read this book!
July 26, 2017
This book has 16 chapters, and each chapter is written by one of the book's two authors. It covers such topics as gratitude, anger, conflict, bullying, friendship, and host of other family-related issues. It is a very faith-based parenting book, as the title suggests, so make you know this and are looking for this in your reading material. I like that scenarios are often presented in a 'letter to the author and answer from the author' format, which makes the issues readable and relatable. I would have liked a bit more evidence-based parenting advice, instead of only advice from personal experience. I was provided this book through the Goodreads Giveaway program.
May 7, 2017
I am not connecting with this book. The writing feels choppy and like too many books aimed at Christian women the tone feels juvenile. The authors use examples from their own children, which I've found I don't love in parenting books (and these kinds of parenting books aren't very popular in my library either). There is some practical advice in each chapter if you wade through everything else.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
May 17, 2017
Do not miss this awesome book for Christian parents, which offers numerous concrete and do-able suggestions to navigate through a myriad of tough situations. I will definitely be referring to this book often in the future, as it applies to both younger and older kids.
June 7, 2024
Highly, highly recommend this book to any parents at any stage. It's given me so much food for thought on my approach to discipline and how to teach my child to desire what is right instead of just obeying me.
January 19, 2019
Goes into specific teachable situations. Very practical and usable.
October 22, 2024
I like this book because it had a different angle than many parenting books. Less about consistency in training and more about creative problem solving and heart orientation. Not sure I agreed with all of it.
Husband read two chapters with which he had concerns.
Husband read two chapters with which he had concerns.
July 13, 2017
A great parenting book from Christian parents!
I did receive this book from the publisher in exchange for a review, but all opinions are my own.
I did receive this book from the publisher in exchange for a review, but all opinions are my own.
December 23, 2017
Put the Disciple into Discipline: Parenting with Love and Limits by Erin MacPherson and Ellen Schuknecht is a book all about changing your discipline plan in a way that disciples and shapes your child and points to Christ. The authors set about to explain how one prescribed discipline plan cannot adequately serve different children. Instead, it is important to connect with the heart of your child and understand them and what they are experiencing. The authors take on specific topis like fear and give concrete ideas for helping your child conquer them. Overall, I loved this book and I would highly recommend it to parents of children of many different ages. This is a book to read and re-read as situations change over time. I received a copy of this book from the publisher. This is my honest review.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews