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The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness
What do women want? The same thing men were promised in the Declaration of happiness, or at least the freedom to pursue it.
For women, though, pursuing happiness is a complicated endeavor, and if you head out into America and talk to women one-on-one, as Jill Filipovic has done, you'll see that happiness is indelibly shaped by the constraints of gender, the expectations of feminine sacrifice, and the myriad ways that womanhood itself differs along lines of race, class, location, and identity.
In The H-Spot , Filipovic argues that the main obstacle standing in-between women and happiness is a rigged system. In this world of unfinished feminism, men have long been able to "have it all" because of free female labor, while the bar of achievement for women has only gotten higher. Never before have women at every economic level had to work so much (whether it's to be an accomplished white-collar employee or just make ends meet). Never before have the standards of feminine perfection been so high. And never before have the requirements for being a "good mother" been so extreme. If our laws and policies made women's happiness and fulfillment a goal in and of itself, Filipovic contends, many of our country's most contentious political issues -- from reproductive rights to equal pay to welfare spending -- would swiftly be resolved.
Filipovic argues that it is more important than ever to prioritize women's happiness-and that doing so will make men's lives better, too. Here, she provides an outline for a feminist movement we all need and a blueprint for how policy, laws, and society can deliver on the promise of the pursuit of happiness for all.
For women, though, pursuing happiness is a complicated endeavor, and if you head out into America and talk to women one-on-one, as Jill Filipovic has done, you'll see that happiness is indelibly shaped by the constraints of gender, the expectations of feminine sacrifice, and the myriad ways that womanhood itself differs along lines of race, class, location, and identity.
In The H-Spot , Filipovic argues that the main obstacle standing in-between women and happiness is a rigged system. In this world of unfinished feminism, men have long been able to "have it all" because of free female labor, while the bar of achievement for women has only gotten higher. Never before have women at every economic level had to work so much (whether it's to be an accomplished white-collar employee or just make ends meet). Never before have the standards of feminine perfection been so high. And never before have the requirements for being a "good mother" been so extreme. If our laws and policies made women's happiness and fulfillment a goal in and of itself, Filipovic contends, many of our country's most contentious political issues -- from reproductive rights to equal pay to welfare spending -- would swiftly be resolved.
Filipovic argues that it is more important than ever to prioritize women's happiness-and that doing so will make men's lives better, too. Here, she provides an outline for a feminist movement we all need and a blueprint for how policy, laws, and society can deliver on the promise of the pursuit of happiness for all.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published May 2, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
August 11, 2017
The H-Spot was rather disappointing. In her introduction, Jill Filipovic advances a fascinating thesis: The United States was founded on the idea that we're all entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but over the years, U.S. policy has not been neutral to all citizens; it has actually favored men (particularly white men, of course). Women have propped up this system long enough, no one is actually all that happy, and there is obviously still a lot of social injustice. The time has come to start making policy based on what would make women happy. But don't freak out, men—Filipovic also claims that focusing on making women happy will in fact result in everyone being happy. Sounds amazing, right? I want to know how this is going to work. What are the steps we need to implement to make this reality?
Well, I've finished the book and I still don't really know. Sure, Filipovic includes a few policy suggestions in the final chapter, but otherwise this is just your standard run-of-the-mill feminist book that points out all of the gender inequalities in U.S. society, broken down into the usual categories: sex, work, marriage/children, body image, etc. The happiness framework is rarely made explicit, and a lot of this was stuff I'd read in other feminist books already. Filipovic does make a few interesting points regarding the way the U.S. government infused cash into male-dominated jobs during the depression, setting up a disparity between "blue-collar" and "pink-collar" jobs that continues to this day and puts women at a major disadvantage. She also advances the best argument I've ever heard that no one should remain a virgin until their wedding night. Beyond these points, though, there was nothing new here and nothing as exciting as the thesis she originally laid out.
Filipovic clearly did a lot (a lot, a lot) of research for this book and of course it's valuable, but when The H-Spot really came alive wasn't when she was summarizing and explaining this research but instead when she was offering her own opinions—opinions backed by research, obviously, but still her own passionate thoughts and feelings. For instance, the penultimate chapter, "The Story of a New Name," starts out as Filipovic's compelling manifesto about the way girls today still grow up thinking that their identity will eventually be merged (and possibly subsumed) with someone else's, usually a male someone else. Boys don't do this! Filipovic clearly feels strongly about this idea, and her writing here was some of the most eloquent and urgent in the book. Unfortunately, she eventually retreats back to more research on the same topics she'd already discussed in previous chapters, and the whole thing settles down into something typical again.
Perhaps the biggest letdown for me was how few policy suggestions there were. In her last chapter, Filipovic reveals that initially her book was going to be more oriented on politics and policy, but she soon realized that would be "very boring." Not if it's done right it wouldn't! There are so many books out there that talk about the problems. I would've much rather read one that talked about some solutions. That's what this book promised, and it didn't deliver. If you are truly clueless about these topics, this is a good, up-to-the-minute feminist primer. Otherwise, I would not suggest looking for satisfaction from The H-Spot.
Well, I've finished the book and I still don't really know. Sure, Filipovic includes a few policy suggestions in the final chapter, but otherwise this is just your standard run-of-the-mill feminist book that points out all of the gender inequalities in U.S. society, broken down into the usual categories: sex, work, marriage/children, body image, etc. The happiness framework is rarely made explicit, and a lot of this was stuff I'd read in other feminist books already. Filipovic does make a few interesting points regarding the way the U.S. government infused cash into male-dominated jobs during the depression, setting up a disparity between "blue-collar" and "pink-collar" jobs that continues to this day and puts women at a major disadvantage. She also advances the best argument I've ever heard that no one should remain a virgin until their wedding night. Beyond these points, though, there was nothing new here and nothing as exciting as the thesis she originally laid out.
Filipovic clearly did a lot (a lot, a lot) of research for this book and of course it's valuable, but when The H-Spot really came alive wasn't when she was summarizing and explaining this research but instead when she was offering her own opinions—opinions backed by research, obviously, but still her own passionate thoughts and feelings. For instance, the penultimate chapter, "The Story of a New Name," starts out as Filipovic's compelling manifesto about the way girls today still grow up thinking that their identity will eventually be merged (and possibly subsumed) with someone else's, usually a male someone else. Boys don't do this! Filipovic clearly feels strongly about this idea, and her writing here was some of the most eloquent and urgent in the book. Unfortunately, she eventually retreats back to more research on the same topics she'd already discussed in previous chapters, and the whole thing settles down into something typical again.
Perhaps the biggest letdown for me was how few policy suggestions there were. In her last chapter, Filipovic reveals that initially her book was going to be more oriented on politics and policy, but she soon realized that would be "very boring." Not if it's done right it wouldn't! There are so many books out there that talk about the problems. I would've much rather read one that talked about some solutions. That's what this book promised, and it didn't deliver. If you are truly clueless about these topics, this is a good, up-to-the-minute feminist primer. Otherwise, I would not suggest looking for satisfaction from The H-Spot.
March 10, 2017
While this was informative, I felt this book referenced many (better) books that I have already read about feminists and the feminist pursuit. This book did a good job of changing the concept and turning it more to the focus on the idea of female happiness.
The inclusion of women of color, lower income females and the hot button issue of intersectionality was a highly welcome addition as many of the referenced books just touched on or completely left out.
This is a highly relevant, readable book that is a perfect read for this exact moment, if you are just starting to dig into feminist writing.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review.
The inclusion of women of color, lower income females and the hot button issue of intersectionality was a highly welcome addition as many of the referenced books just touched on or completely left out.
This is a highly relevant, readable book that is a perfect read for this exact moment, if you are just starting to dig into feminist writing.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review.
November 27, 2017
February 2017: Extremely relevant, extremely good. Review TK.
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(This review originally appeared on Bust.com, April 2017)
The Declaration of Independence enshrines the “pursuit of happiness” as an “inalienable Right,” right next to life and liberty as essential endowments for all people. Or, at least, for all men.
The inclusion of happiness as a right guaranteed to all men was a radical proposition in 1776, though it is now a defining aspect of American exceptionalism. The concept remains radical for women, however, because our social, political, and cultural systems are not actually built for us; these systems were constructed knowing our labor is what allows many men to be able to pursue happiness in the first place. In The H Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness, journalist Jill Filipovic dives into the history of American social norms and expectations, rooting out and revealing the many ways American culture, in the name of morality and rugged individualism (coupled with healthy doses of late-capitalist consumerism) undermines women at nearly every turn. Throughout this study, she asks the vital question: “what would we make if we all had the tools?” The current system is rigged; what could we build that would actually promote equality — and by extension, happiness — on a systemic, bottom-up level?
The H Spot is not a narrative of personal discovery or a self-help guide on how to make the “right” choices. Rather, it combines history, recent sociological research, interviews with women from a range of backgrounds, and some of Filipovic’s own personal experience to focus on the root causes that render the American system of politics and culture inadequate to the task of promoting equality and, to an even greater degree, happiness. Through an intersectional lens, Filipovic looks at female friendship, sex, parenting, marriage, work-life balance, food and body image, and personal identity, revealing the antipathy and even outright hostility American society has for women’s pleasure and fulfillment, an opposition that often rises to outright hatred when race and class become involved. What she uncovers time and time again is that “[o]f course women can’t flourish in a system that needs us as support for someone else’s building. We’re here to prop it up, not live in it.” Which brings us back to the question: so how do we build a system that doesn’t require one group of people to sacrifice for the support of the other?
There is no easy answer to this or to the many other questions she raises, but Filipovic dives deep into the machinery of American culture and politics to uncover the underlying causes of continuing inequality, demonstrating the necessity of re-framing our deeply held cultural beliefs. Some of the most challenging work will involve completely rejecting and reworking the narratives that have become foundational to our culture — the myth of “traditional” single-breadwinner, heterosexual marriage as universal; the idea that there is a limited definition of success; the distorted view of female sexuality that is commodified and punished in equal measure; institutions that rely on free or undervalued female labor to thrive. “What could topple the most stubborn roadblocks,” Filipovic writes, “is a feminism and a politics that reorients itself away from simple equality and toward happiness and pleasure.” Policy that supports equality cannot simply focus on pay or removing glass ceilings, but on understanding and supporting what makes people genuinely happy and opening up the opportunities for embracing those things, even (or especially) when they don’t fit the narrow confines of “success” and “family values” in American culture.
Filipovic’s research is focused exclusively on American policy and tradition, but the issues are not limited to the US. Many places around the world have made attempts to support the pursuit of happiness by helping to level the playing field, providing options such as paid family leave, universal healthcare, and higher minimum wages, but no nation has truly dismantled the systems that have perpetuated the inequality in the first place. America, with its peculiarly individualistic outlook and longstanding issues of sexual, racial, and economic inequality, is an ideal case study for the ways the system is built for the advantage of some at the cost of others. Ultimately, Filipovic’s intent in The H Spot is not to provide a road map for policy (though there are certainly many solid recommendations throughout), but to propose a thorough revision of how we look at the causes of inequality and take action from a new vantage point — an undertaking that feels both more crucial and less hopeful under the current US administration. “That so many of us are so unhappy demonstrates not an individual failure to seek pleasure,” Filipovic insists, “but a political failure to insist that the ability to pursue happiness…is a fundamental right and bedrock feminist cause.” Perhaps happiness, so long (mis)characterized as frivolous or tangential to basic survival, may actually be the key to a healthier, more successful — and more equal — society. Maybe it’s time to pursue it.
-------
(This review originally appeared on Bust.com, April 2017)
The Declaration of Independence enshrines the “pursuit of happiness” as an “inalienable Right,” right next to life and liberty as essential endowments for all people. Or, at least, for all men.
The inclusion of happiness as a right guaranteed to all men was a radical proposition in 1776, though it is now a defining aspect of American exceptionalism. The concept remains radical for women, however, because our social, political, and cultural systems are not actually built for us; these systems were constructed knowing our labor is what allows many men to be able to pursue happiness in the first place. In The H Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness, journalist Jill Filipovic dives into the history of American social norms and expectations, rooting out and revealing the many ways American culture, in the name of morality and rugged individualism (coupled with healthy doses of late-capitalist consumerism) undermines women at nearly every turn. Throughout this study, she asks the vital question: “what would we make if we all had the tools?” The current system is rigged; what could we build that would actually promote equality — and by extension, happiness — on a systemic, bottom-up level?
The H Spot is not a narrative of personal discovery or a self-help guide on how to make the “right” choices. Rather, it combines history, recent sociological research, interviews with women from a range of backgrounds, and some of Filipovic’s own personal experience to focus on the root causes that render the American system of politics and culture inadequate to the task of promoting equality and, to an even greater degree, happiness. Through an intersectional lens, Filipovic looks at female friendship, sex, parenting, marriage, work-life balance, food and body image, and personal identity, revealing the antipathy and even outright hostility American society has for women’s pleasure and fulfillment, an opposition that often rises to outright hatred when race and class become involved. What she uncovers time and time again is that “[o]f course women can’t flourish in a system that needs us as support for someone else’s building. We’re here to prop it up, not live in it.” Which brings us back to the question: so how do we build a system that doesn’t require one group of people to sacrifice for the support of the other?
There is no easy answer to this or to the many other questions she raises, but Filipovic dives deep into the machinery of American culture and politics to uncover the underlying causes of continuing inequality, demonstrating the necessity of re-framing our deeply held cultural beliefs. Some of the most challenging work will involve completely rejecting and reworking the narratives that have become foundational to our culture — the myth of “traditional” single-breadwinner, heterosexual marriage as universal; the idea that there is a limited definition of success; the distorted view of female sexuality that is commodified and punished in equal measure; institutions that rely on free or undervalued female labor to thrive. “What could topple the most stubborn roadblocks,” Filipovic writes, “is a feminism and a politics that reorients itself away from simple equality and toward happiness and pleasure.” Policy that supports equality cannot simply focus on pay or removing glass ceilings, but on understanding and supporting what makes people genuinely happy and opening up the opportunities for embracing those things, even (or especially) when they don’t fit the narrow confines of “success” and “family values” in American culture.
Filipovic’s research is focused exclusively on American policy and tradition, but the issues are not limited to the US. Many places around the world have made attempts to support the pursuit of happiness by helping to level the playing field, providing options such as paid family leave, universal healthcare, and higher minimum wages, but no nation has truly dismantled the systems that have perpetuated the inequality in the first place. America, with its peculiarly individualistic outlook and longstanding issues of sexual, racial, and economic inequality, is an ideal case study for the ways the system is built for the advantage of some at the cost of others. Ultimately, Filipovic’s intent in The H Spot is not to provide a road map for policy (though there are certainly many solid recommendations throughout), but to propose a thorough revision of how we look at the causes of inequality and take action from a new vantage point — an undertaking that feels both more crucial and less hopeful under the current US administration. “That so many of us are so unhappy demonstrates not an individual failure to seek pleasure,” Filipovic insists, “but a political failure to insist that the ability to pursue happiness…is a fundamental right and bedrock feminist cause.” Perhaps happiness, so long (mis)characterized as frivolous or tangential to basic survival, may actually be the key to a healthier, more successful — and more equal — society. Maybe it’s time to pursue it.
June 30, 2017
If you pick up The H-Spot because you remember the good old days of Feministe, prepare to be disappointed. This book is pablum. Now, admittedly, pablum is important. This is a good book to give someone if they don't understand this whole gender equality thing and need to start somewhere. It includes more references to intersectional ideas than most introductory texts of this type (but it's still not fantastic), and it's up-to-date in terms of references. But it's baby feminism 101.
I had hoped the happiness framework would differentiate Filipovic's book from others, but really it's the same breakdown of work, sex, parenthood, etc... that most pop feminism books touch on. None of the topics are mindblowing, nor are Filopovic's insights new. There are plenty of books and articles about the things she writes about that are more informative and interesting. I found it quite boring, particularly given the fact that Filipovic was quite wishywashy in her argumentation. Sure, patriarchy bad, but her solutions were too broad, and even her engagement with the issues was a bit too "well, everyone is different". There was a lot of description without proper analysis, and this weakened the intersectionality section quite a bit.
All in all, it's not a bad book. It's not a book for me though, nor will it probably be all that interesting to anyone with more than a base knowledge of feminism.
I had hoped the happiness framework would differentiate Filipovic's book from others, but really it's the same breakdown of work, sex, parenthood, etc... that most pop feminism books touch on. None of the topics are mindblowing, nor are Filopovic's insights new. There are plenty of books and articles about the things she writes about that are more informative and interesting. I found it quite boring, particularly given the fact that Filipovic was quite wishywashy in her argumentation. Sure, patriarchy bad, but her solutions were too broad, and even her engagement with the issues was a bit too "well, everyone is different". There was a lot of description without proper analysis, and this weakened the intersectionality section quite a bit.
All in all, it's not a bad book. It's not a book for me though, nor will it probably be all that interesting to anyone with more than a base knowledge of feminism.
June 13, 2017
The book has a good thesis--that women should seek to maximize their happiness. There's a lot of good material scattered through the book. Despite that, it doesn't really succeed, largely because Filipovic doesn't know what kind of book she wants to write. The scope is too wide: each chapter focuses on a part of women's lives that could take a book to cover thoroughly on its own. The content flips between research, interview material, and her own thoughts, and it's an uneven mix. She's upfront that she's exactly the kind of middle class white woman that's been too visible in feminist texts, and she does try to bring in data and interviews from people who aren't like her, but in sections, her voice dominates. It's most noticeable in the Parenting chapter, where her lack of personal experience with the topic makes her musings sit somewhat uneasily and her recommendations feel too packaged. In addition, while she is aware of her race and class, and religion gets a nod in the sex chapter, other issues go unmentioned--disability is barely spoken about.
It's not bad, but if you've read any of the recent books about feminism as applied to people's lives, it probably won't tell you anything new.
It's not bad, but if you've read any of the recent books about feminism as applied to people's lives, it probably won't tell you anything new.
May 6, 2017
Same old, same old, re-framed in the terms of women's happiness. Single, Childfree, affluent, educated 30-something urban white girl who's written on the internet. This is no longer critical theory. This is live journal 15 years later.
December 15, 2017
This is not a book. I love Jill's columns and articles--at best, this is a series of articles, but it's more like a bunch of notes and a lit review of other people's work (mostly Koontz) without much original thought. It's a smattering of interviews, personal dilemmas that are very privilege-y and then some commentary about how it sucks even worse to be brown and poor. Many of the problems of overwork apply equally to men and women and the anxiety and lack of happiness, too, are widely shared. I think there is a story to tell that is specific to women, but this is not that book. I should have stopped reading early on, but I kept on reading hoping for something. It never came.
Oh and also, a lot of the studies she cites and relies on have been debunked.
Oh and also, a lot of the studies she cites and relies on have been debunked.
August 16, 2017
Darn. I had high hopes for this book since I like Jill's tweets and her articles and op-eds a lot. She's a smart, incisive writer.
Somehow, that skill did not carry over into this monograph. Maybe it's because I'm well-read on the topic, but with the possible exception of her chapter/analysis of sexual pleasure, she was re-stating well-trod territory around how America isn't really set up for women's happiness/success. If you still need to be told that affordable childcare is a problem and need 20+ pages to do it...sure, read away!
Each chapter was too long; many read too much like history reports, not real analysis. And the policy recommendations--that's the main reason I was excited about this book, to see some innovative policy ideas--were relegated to the final chapter and ticked through like a laundry list. Which meant 80% of the book was "things really SUCK A LOT" without tying to possible paths forward. A quicker, back and forth between issue & solution, with a bit of history (some of which was indeed interesting) would have been a compelling structure. And not just the policy but ideas about coalition building to actually ACHIEVE the policy, too!
Many times she claims to have done thousands of interviews, but there are two characters that show up most: Janet, a low-income African American mom, and Jill herself. This is problematic. Because she says all the right things about being intersectional, but still trots Janet out over and over for whatever issue is at hand. Did she not talk to other low-income or WOC? In terms of telling her own story, I suspect Filipovic got bad editorial advice to bring her own experience into it. Even by her own admission, her story is so dripping with privilege and non-struggle...she's thin, conventionally pretty, economically comfortable, partnered with, we are told, a dreamy guy. Her point seems to be "Look! Even ME! SO imagine others...." but it doesn't work. I just got annoyed.
I'm a fan, but not going to recommend this one to others.
Somehow, that skill did not carry over into this monograph. Maybe it's because I'm well-read on the topic, but with the possible exception of her chapter/analysis of sexual pleasure, she was re-stating well-trod territory around how America isn't really set up for women's happiness/success. If you still need to be told that affordable childcare is a problem and need 20+ pages to do it...sure, read away!
Each chapter was too long; many read too much like history reports, not real analysis. And the policy recommendations--that's the main reason I was excited about this book, to see some innovative policy ideas--were relegated to the final chapter and ticked through like a laundry list. Which meant 80% of the book was "things really SUCK A LOT" without tying to possible paths forward. A quicker, back and forth between issue & solution, with a bit of history (some of which was indeed interesting) would have been a compelling structure. And not just the policy but ideas about coalition building to actually ACHIEVE the policy, too!
Many times she claims to have done thousands of interviews, but there are two characters that show up most: Janet, a low-income African American mom, and Jill herself. This is problematic. Because she says all the right things about being intersectional, but still trots Janet out over and over for whatever issue is at hand. Did she not talk to other low-income or WOC? In terms of telling her own story, I suspect Filipovic got bad editorial advice to bring her own experience into it. Even by her own admission, her story is so dripping with privilege and non-struggle...she's thin, conventionally pretty, economically comfortable, partnered with, we are told, a dreamy guy. Her point seems to be "Look! Even ME! SO imagine others...." but it doesn't work. I just got annoyed.
I'm a fan, but not going to recommend this one to others.
March 8, 2017
3.5 stars
Nothing in this book will be new concepts to you if you read widely within this genre; however I did really enjoy Filipovic's centring of all of these ideas around the idea of female happiness.
It's a concept that has only recently started to get play, and is still looked down upon (i.e. a woman's role is caring for others first, and caring for herself second). Her conceptualizing of this concept by going through a woman's life (marriage, childbearing, schooling, etc...) was great, and easy to follow. The only thing missing was talking more about life post-marriage - for widows, for divorced women, for the elderly.
Numerous times she makes reference to the research she did and the interviews she did with hundreds of women, but that doesn't entirely come through in this book - the women she does mention are great, but I feel like there was more aggregate data that could have been shared. Certainly, however, her focus on women of colour, poor women, and intersectionality was highly welcome.
This is a readable, relevant, and important work. Truly, a necessary read for our current times.
With thanks to the publisher for the ARC.
Nothing in this book will be new concepts to you if you read widely within this genre; however I did really enjoy Filipovic's centring of all of these ideas around the idea of female happiness.
It's a concept that has only recently started to get play, and is still looked down upon (i.e. a woman's role is caring for others first, and caring for herself second). Her conceptualizing of this concept by going through a woman's life (marriage, childbearing, schooling, etc...) was great, and easy to follow. The only thing missing was talking more about life post-marriage - for widows, for divorced women, for the elderly.
Numerous times she makes reference to the research she did and the interviews she did with hundreds of women, but that doesn't entirely come through in this book - the women she does mention are great, but I feel like there was more aggregate data that could have been shared. Certainly, however, her focus on women of colour, poor women, and intersectionality was highly welcome.
This is a readable, relevant, and important work. Truly, a necessary read for our current times.
With thanks to the publisher for the ARC.
August 1, 2017
This book is academia feminist dogma at its worst. The arguments are poorly developed, which I would have at least like to have read, considering Jill Filipovic was formerly an attorney. Many statements were made just as statements, left with no discussion or validation. The chapters are ridden with political correctness and intersectional parenthetical statements that take away from her actual arguments. Her research does not go much beyond the early 1990s, aside from references to the early feminist movement with women such as Mary Wollstonecraft, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and Susan B. Anthony (although rarely). And the references that she does include are either blatantly opinionated articles or sources that you would have to dig deeper to find their own sources.
She is in conflict with her own arguments. This is because postmodernist and feminist indoctrination no longer found their claims in logic or reason but rather fleeting subjective and relative morality disguised as the truth.
This kind of feminism is hurting women, but most especially our youth.
She is in conflict with her own arguments. This is because postmodernist and feminist indoctrination no longer found their claims in logic or reason but rather fleeting subjective and relative morality disguised as the truth.
This kind of feminism is hurting women, but most especially our youth.
November 21, 2017
A great “Feminism 101” read that’s not too dense but packs a punch.
Jill reframes so many things we just go along with and made me think about what this means for women. A chapter that stood out for me the most was the recent push for women to have natural childbirth, that it makes them more “womanly” and implies they’re better mothers. Except we except women to be highlighted, plucked, well-exercised, made up, perfumed...the only time we value women being “natural” is when they’re in an immense amount of pain. Mic drop. Mind blown.
And that’s just one example. A book that keeps you thinking well after the last page is turned. Read it.
Jill reframes so many things we just go along with and made me think about what this means for women. A chapter that stood out for me the most was the recent push for women to have natural childbirth, that it makes them more “womanly” and implies they’re better mothers. Except we except women to be highlighted, plucked, well-exercised, made up, perfumed...the only time we value women being “natural” is when they’re in an immense amount of pain. Mic drop. Mind blown.
And that’s just one example. A book that keeps you thinking well after the last page is turned. Read it.
August 31, 2017
Enjoyed Filipovic's approach, investigating whether we should be searching not for equality but for happiness. Not a lot of new thought or information here, but a good read nonetheless.
June 21, 2017
I am an avid follower of Jill Filipovic on Twitter, so I was very excited to get an advance copy of this book. I've never read any feminist non-fiction before, so this was a straight-forward crash course on feminist history. "How did we get here?" is the foundation, followed up by an analysis of today's policy and staggering statistics of women's roles as mother, wife, daughter, friend, scholar/worker, and member of society. She clearly shows how federal and state government policies have not kept up with women's progress, and at times has even hindered it. And even though we're in the second wave of feminism, we as a society are not nearly along as we should be in regards to creating a climate that not only includes and accepts women as equals, but benefits them.
I did a lot of personal reflection while reading this book (as a college-educated woman of color from a mostly single, immigrant mother), and what I found most enlightening is that we are at a point where we can help design what this ideal society will look like. What does a feminist marriage and household look like? What programs can we create that not only assist women of color/impoverished women/single mothers/LGBT women, but help them thrive and succeed? What can we teach the next generation about how women should be treated and portrayed in the world?
Women are not a special-interest group. We are half of the nation's population. That comes with an immense power and responsibility to shape the next step. It's not about work-life balance, or "having it all", or man-hating. It's about shifting from "how things have always been done" to "how things should be."
I did a lot of personal reflection while reading this book (as a college-educated woman of color from a mostly single, immigrant mother), and what I found most enlightening is that we are at a point where we can help design what this ideal society will look like. What does a feminist marriage and household look like? What programs can we create that not only assist women of color/impoverished women/single mothers/LGBT women, but help them thrive and succeed? What can we teach the next generation about how women should be treated and portrayed in the world?
Women are not a special-interest group. We are half of the nation's population. That comes with an immense power and responsibility to shape the next step. It's not about work-life balance, or "having it all", or man-hating. It's about shifting from "how things have always been done" to "how things should be."
July 18, 2017
I am growing increasingly fed up with the patriarchy and all of the ways that women are still being treated as second-class citizens. So much of what Filipovic has to say is spot-on as it pertains to cultural norms regarding the expectations of and for women in our society, many of which are at cross-purposes...being turned into sex objects while being shamed for being sexual, for example. For me, reading books like 'The H-Spot" help me to question things I've just automatically accepted because it's the culture in which I was raised. There isn't anything particularly profound or new in this book, unless you find it jaw-dropping that women are people who deserve to find happiness and are not merely tools to serve the men and children around them.
March 9, 2019
This should be required reading in schools. The author articulated for me, with statistics and personal stories, concepts I had struggled with but didn’t have the information in a context of the time I was experiencing it. This is a book I will refer back to. There are books like this that “once you know” you can’t go back. Once awake, you can’t sleep. I highly recommend reading this if you are interested in equality. It’s mind blowing that my pursuit of happiness was denied, but I knew as much - from a very young age. Now I know why. I hope the next generation figures this out.
June 4, 2020
There isn't a whole lotta new here. It's a solid introduction to feminist ideas and a good place for someone who's interested to start, but if you've read about feminism recently this book won't give you anything you haven't read before. It often felt like an overview of U.S. history. Don't get me wrong, I love reading about women's history. I just wasn't expecting this book to be that, and so found this frustrating to read. I think I found this so disappointing because I was intrigued by the thesis. I just don't feel like the book delivered.
June 8, 2019
This book didn't contain loads of new information for me, but I did pick up some names of authors and podcasts I might check out in the future. It is well-written. Even without groundbreaking content, this book succeeded in filing me with the rage of injustice, but at least I knew I wasn't alone in feeling it.
January 18, 2020
I had to stop reading this halfway through because this book was such a bummer. I didn’t feel like it presented much new information or thought, just talked about it all with a really pessimistic point of view. Plus, the author was very repetitive throughout the chapters, which really made them drag on.
November 7, 2019
I absolutely loved this book. It really delved into what its like to be a woman in America at one of the most trying times in our history, but instead of harping on what is wrong with the world, this book offers real world solutions that women and men can make everyday to improve on their happiness.
February 23, 2017
I have been working on reading this book for a while with dogged determination. I really had a difficult time getting in to this book by Jill Filipovic. At the end of the day, it felt like I was reading a book I didn't choose for a class. I was disappointed because in reading the description, it sounded just like something I would love to read.
Filipovic focused on reframing the conversation around feminism. It was an interesting approach. Some of the writing was dry and repetitive, which is where I started to lose interest. Others may like it, but I also am not a fan of the author's personal life being so prominent in the writing.
Interspersed in the novel were some very interesting facts. Having a background in social justice, much of this was information I've already read in other works. I really tried to enjoy this novel, but I don't think I would recommend it. For some of these novels, I think of if I were to put a syllabus together for a course, would students get excited about it and be interested? I just didn't see that with this book.
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review of the book.
Filipovic focused on reframing the conversation around feminism. It was an interesting approach. Some of the writing was dry and repetitive, which is where I started to lose interest. Others may like it, but I also am not a fan of the author's personal life being so prominent in the writing.
Interspersed in the novel were some very interesting facts. Having a background in social justice, much of this was information I've already read in other works. I really tried to enjoy this novel, but I don't think I would recommend it. For some of these novels, I think of if I were to put a syllabus together for a course, would students get excited about it and be interested? I just didn't see that with this book.
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review of the book.
February 3, 2017
Part review of feminist theory and the feminist movement, the author presents different ideas of happiness from the perspective of different women.
"One of the goals of this project was to show that there is no one definition of womanhood, no singular experience of pleasure seeking, and no individual thing that will bring happiness for all women, but there are a great many commonalities, and a great many ways to improve the status quo."
Her suggestions for improving the status quo?
- Fostering relationships, especially nontraditional ones
- Promoting sexual pleasure for women
- Providing time for play
- Providing time for parenting
- "Making food feminist"
Each of these suggestions is backed up by theory, history, statistics, or personal interviews. It is a great introduction on what makes women happy, and the movement toward these things. A call to action, of sorts.
It can be academic at times, however, and I found myself having to take a break every now and then to refresh.
Four stars.
"One of the goals of this project was to show that there is no one definition of womanhood, no singular experience of pleasure seeking, and no individual thing that will bring happiness for all women, but there are a great many commonalities, and a great many ways to improve the status quo."
Her suggestions for improving the status quo?
- Fostering relationships, especially nontraditional ones
- Promoting sexual pleasure for women
- Providing time for play
- Providing time for parenting
- "Making food feminist"
Each of these suggestions is backed up by theory, history, statistics, or personal interviews. It is a great introduction on what makes women happy, and the movement toward these things. A call to action, of sorts.
It can be academic at times, however, and I found myself having to take a break every now and then to refresh.
Four stars.
December 30, 2017
I agreed with just about everything Filipovic wrote about, but the writing was so dry at times that I had to really force myself to read it, sometimes counting the pages to the end of the chapters. I also feel that she is preaching to the choir. Women like me, who identify as feminists, probably represent the majority of people reading this book, and I don't feel that she attempts to interest others in this book or the important and relevant issues she elaborates upon. I also felt the she generalized to her own life and her own experiences too much. All authors do to some extent, but just because the people she knows don't adhere to other ways of life or embrace more feminist ideals doesn't mean that that is the way it is everywhere. There are a lot of women who are unrecognized who live very feminist lives, and I felt that Filipovic didn't take them into consideration when making many of her judgments as to what life is like for women today.
May 20, 2018
Struggling a lot with rating this book at 3 stars. The answer is, there are several good, long articles in this book. The attempt to make them into chapters was kind of a fail and results in repetition. I also felt like her tendency toward referring to herself or her own situation felt vaguely discrediting of the real research that was done in the book. It made it feel like she'd selected research because it was self-validating. I'm not sure that's true, but I couldn't help being annoyed that she allowed that question to come up for me. It was reinforced because it was done in such a way that I felt like I'm setting myself for unhappiness by not having made the same choices that she's making with her life. Anyway, a lot of good points in this book, but I found it a really painful read (it took me almost 5 months to power through it) that left me feeling more frustrated than empowered.
June 29, 2019
This book gave me brain cancer from all of the bad arguments, incorrect statistics, ignored facts, and incessant victimhood from one of the most privileged individuals to have ever lived in history. At least I know what attitudes to help my daughters avoid if they want to be happy. And at least this book helps give me some red flags to teach my sons to avoid in women. And, if nothing else, this book proves that the typical stereotypes about feminist ideas are actually pretty accurate, unfortunately. 0 stars, and now I need chemotherapy.
August 29, 2017
This is a strange book. I bought the premise was to advocate prioritizing women's pleasure and discuss how that would impact public policy and institutions. Instead it was more like a state of the union description of how women are getting shafted at work, in reproductive health issues, in marriage and North American culture. In other words, I felt I've read this before. I was hoping for something more liberatory.
Read
May 23, 2023I was so-so on this book. It started really strong and overall I agree with a lot of Filipovic's ideas. By about the middle of the book I started skimming and skipping parts of chapters because she got both less focused and more repetitive.
She does a pretty good job of getting non-white, non-middle class voices into the book, but it still doesn't quite get away from white lady feminism that is looking for parity with white men versus reimagining the world. Would straight women be happier if the men in their lives took on more chores? Sure, but I would prefer a world where we have fewer chores and work fewer hours rather than keeping both things at current levels and divvying them up more equally.
I think the work chapter is the one that exemplifies best how she is still clinging to white lady feminism. She talks about women leaving the workforce to raise children but points out that women are happier if they continue to work. Which, frankly, I don't buy it, largely because when she talks about work she's referring to our current capitalist system of labor. I think women want meaningful work and work that isn't about these weird white supremacist, patriarchal self sacrificial motherhood ideals. But does that mean most women want to or should continue to work 40, 50, 60 hour workweeks in careers and just divide up chores and childcare more evenly with their partners in order to achieve happiness? And what about women who work low paying, grueling jobs? Most of them have to go back to those jobs after having children, which by her logic would mean they're so much happier than a middle class mom who gave up her career to stay home. I personally don't dream of labor. I think a lot more people, men and women, would be a lot happier working less and being present in their relationships. And adhering to capitalist ideals of productivity and work isn't going to allow that.
I was frustrated both by her chapters on marriage and on motherhood in part because I felt like it was colored more by her feelings about the two things instead of really examining why women get married and become mothers. So for example she talks about how mothers aren't really supported, but she seems to conclude that we would be happier if we hadn't had kids and stayed home, rather than maybe let's put in some supports for women who want to be mothers and are fine with the fact that in the short term our happiness takes a hit. She also didn't really make the case that children make women happier or less happy. Mostly she focused on choosing to have kids or not. And there were a couple places where she took a giant shit on stay at home moms (she said something about parents who stay home have their heads filled only with toddler stuff?? and who imagined coming home to that as an ideal?? there should be penalties for leaving the workforce and coming back*). And for all her discussion about systemic issues that get in the way of women's happiness and satisfaction it was an analysis that was weirdly missing in her chapter on marriage. Can women be happy in marriages? Yes. Would marriages be better relationships if we peeled away the white supremacist, Christian patriarchy from them? Even more resoundingly yes.
Also happiness isn't always the metric I want to use to measure my life. I would be a lot happier if I ignored all the mass shootings and police violence and racism and destruction of the planet. I am positioned with a gender, SES, and skin color that would allow me to ignore those things. But I am not concerned so much with my individual happiness when it comes to those things. I want a better world and my happiness might actually run counter to that goal. And that's okay. I actually think only a tiny sliver of wealthy people can be happy under capitalism and a lot has to change for most of us to achieve happiness and it's not going to be parity with white men that does it.
I guess for me this is one more space for white middle and upper class women that should be for me, but still feels alienating. I just read We Live For the We and found that a much better representation of my thoughts and feelings on motherhood and relationships.
* So at one point she talks about how women who leave the workforce to have kids shouldn't expect to just re-renter the workforce at higher levels than they left at simply because time has elapsed. She's fine with the penalty not being so high, but it's fine to have some penalty (her word). She then uses her law work as an example, she's been out of law for a few years and couldn't expect to go back saying she has more years of experience. First of all, who expects to leave and then come back at a higher place? Mostly no one. Secondly, law is a pretty specific example of expertise and most people aren't lawyers or doctors or whatever. Most people have regular degular jobs where experience matters, but not nearly that much. Third, the issue with this penalty has a lot more to do with how we devalue care work and the personal/community importance of raising the next generation rather than women's expectations that they not be penalized for pausing a career. Again, this is a place where it becomes clear she isn't thinking outside of capitalist ideas of labor and productivity.
She does a pretty good job of getting non-white, non-middle class voices into the book, but it still doesn't quite get away from white lady feminism that is looking for parity with white men versus reimagining the world. Would straight women be happier if the men in their lives took on more chores? Sure, but I would prefer a world where we have fewer chores and work fewer hours rather than keeping both things at current levels and divvying them up more equally.
I think the work chapter is the one that exemplifies best how she is still clinging to white lady feminism. She talks about women leaving the workforce to raise children but points out that women are happier if they continue to work. Which, frankly, I don't buy it, largely because when she talks about work she's referring to our current capitalist system of labor. I think women want meaningful work and work that isn't about these weird white supremacist, patriarchal self sacrificial motherhood ideals. But does that mean most women want to or should continue to work 40, 50, 60 hour workweeks in careers and just divide up chores and childcare more evenly with their partners in order to achieve happiness? And what about women who work low paying, grueling jobs? Most of them have to go back to those jobs after having children, which by her logic would mean they're so much happier than a middle class mom who gave up her career to stay home. I personally don't dream of labor. I think a lot more people, men and women, would be a lot happier working less and being present in their relationships. And adhering to capitalist ideals of productivity and work isn't going to allow that.
I was frustrated both by her chapters on marriage and on motherhood in part because I felt like it was colored more by her feelings about the two things instead of really examining why women get married and become mothers. So for example she talks about how mothers aren't really supported, but she seems to conclude that we would be happier if we hadn't had kids and stayed home, rather than maybe let's put in some supports for women who want to be mothers and are fine with the fact that in the short term our happiness takes a hit. She also didn't really make the case that children make women happier or less happy. Mostly she focused on choosing to have kids or not. And there were a couple places where she took a giant shit on stay at home moms (she said something about parents who stay home have their heads filled only with toddler stuff?? and who imagined coming home to that as an ideal?? there should be penalties for leaving the workforce and coming back*). And for all her discussion about systemic issues that get in the way of women's happiness and satisfaction it was an analysis that was weirdly missing in her chapter on marriage. Can women be happy in marriages? Yes. Would marriages be better relationships if we peeled away the white supremacist, Christian patriarchy from them? Even more resoundingly yes.
Also happiness isn't always the metric I want to use to measure my life. I would be a lot happier if I ignored all the mass shootings and police violence and racism and destruction of the planet. I am positioned with a gender, SES, and skin color that would allow me to ignore those things. But I am not concerned so much with my individual happiness when it comes to those things. I want a better world and my happiness might actually run counter to that goal. And that's okay. I actually think only a tiny sliver of wealthy people can be happy under capitalism and a lot has to change for most of us to achieve happiness and it's not going to be parity with white men that does it.
I guess for me this is one more space for white middle and upper class women that should be for me, but still feels alienating. I just read We Live For the We and found that a much better representation of my thoughts and feelings on motherhood and relationships.
* So at one point she talks about how women who leave the workforce to have kids shouldn't expect to just re-renter the workforce at higher levels than they left at simply because time has elapsed. She's fine with the penalty not being so high, but it's fine to have some penalty (her word). She then uses her law work as an example, she's been out of law for a few years and couldn't expect to go back saying she has more years of experience. First of all, who expects to leave and then come back at a higher place? Mostly no one. Secondly, law is a pretty specific example of expertise and most people aren't lawyers or doctors or whatever. Most people have regular degular jobs where experience matters, but not nearly that much. Third, the issue with this penalty has a lot more to do with how we devalue care work and the personal/community importance of raising the next generation rather than women's expectations that they not be penalized for pausing a career. Again, this is a place where it becomes clear she isn't thinking outside of capitalist ideas of labor and productivity.
May 3, 2019
A great reminder about how much better life could be if only everything didn't suck so much.
January 4, 2023
*𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒉 𝒅𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎 𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒂 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒂 𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒌 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒂𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒂𝒉𝒖𝒏-𝒕𝒂𝒉𝒖𝒏 𝒍𝒂𝒍𝒖*
PENCARIAN KEBAHAGIAAN PADA PEREMPUAN
Jujur saja, ini bukan buku yang mudah dibaca dgn kondisi carut marut. Harus dgn kondisi yg tenang, minimal gak kepikiran kerjaan. Sebagai buku non-fiksi dgn topik yg cukup bikin mikir dikit, habis baca rasanya capek banget. wkwkwk~ emg dasar mentalnya fiksi mah malesan aja.
Buku ini membahas perkara perempuan dlm sudut pandang feminis Amerika soal bagaimana hidup mrk; apakah sudah bahagia dgn segala opsi yg mrk ambil? Termasuk dibahas segala hal soal berbagai opsi & dampaknya. Diwakilkan oleh beberapa perempuan Amerika yg notabene kultur & nilai pengetahuannya mungkin lbh progresif. mereka diajak membahas bagaimana diri mereka sjk mjd wanita/perempuan didefiniskan oleh byk aspek & melihat laki-laki bukan sbg rival melainkan partner yg kadangkala msh perlu usaha ekstra.
Cerita-cerita dari bbrp perempuan disini cukup menggambarkan bagaimana sistem sosial di Amerika membentuk jatidiri para perempuan ini sbg sosok yg 'serba salah' dan hampir tk kuasa mencari jln keluar selain tetap berjalan dgn kaki yg berdarah, istilahnya. Para laki-laki pun sama bingungnya spt para perempuan, bagaimana mrk hrs mengatasi berbagai kesenjangan yg kdg bikin mrk terlhat jahat. Yah walopun ada juga yg mmg lelaki dlm posisi tertentu lbh byk merugikan drpd membantu. Tp itu bukan utk menyamaratakan melainkan melihat dari dua sisi, feminisme tk semata-mata memusuhi laki-laki tp kdg jg msh menyulitkan perempuan itu sendiri jika tak mendapat dukungan.
Buku ini jg mengingatkan saya sbg seorang perempuan utk lbh byk membuka diskusi perkara pilihan2 seksual dgn pasangan kelak. Ternyata pembicaraan in sangat perlu dibahas meskipun di negara saya msh dibilang tabu tp saya perlu mengingatkan diri ini utk mencoba memulai berbicara scr terbuka. Krn apa yg terjadi selanjutnya sgt ditentukan oleh bagaimana sikap yg diambil kedua belah pihak. Pilihan2 bg seorang perempuan, lalu seorang istri, kemudian ibu hingga kembali menjadi perempuan lansia dimulai sejak pemikiran di awal ketika diri perempuan menentukan pijakannya.
Benar mg bhw buku ini gak bisa serta merta diaplikasikan di negara saya begitu saja namun pemikirannya saya kira cukup bagus utk ditelaah bersama, baik perempuan maupun laki-laki. Sistem patriarki di Indo sendiri lbh berat kpn represi perempuan sbg 'kanca wingkin' dmn sgl jenis pilihannya dianggap tdk terlalu penting. 'The Second sound' jg mjd sebab knp perempuan kdg nampak trs mencari-cari dmn kebahagiaan mrk di segala hal yg mrk lakukan krn ya memang sjk lahir kebahagiaan mrk sdh diatur, bkn dipilih sendiri. :)
PENCARIAN KEBAHAGIAAN PADA PEREMPUAN
Jujur saja, ini bukan buku yang mudah dibaca dgn kondisi carut marut. Harus dgn kondisi yg tenang, minimal gak kepikiran kerjaan. Sebagai buku non-fiksi dgn topik yg cukup bikin mikir dikit, habis baca rasanya capek banget. wkwkwk~ emg dasar mentalnya fiksi mah malesan aja.
Buku ini membahas perkara perempuan dlm sudut pandang feminis Amerika soal bagaimana hidup mrk; apakah sudah bahagia dgn segala opsi yg mrk ambil? Termasuk dibahas segala hal soal berbagai opsi & dampaknya. Diwakilkan oleh beberapa perempuan Amerika yg notabene kultur & nilai pengetahuannya mungkin lbh progresif. mereka diajak membahas bagaimana diri mereka sjk mjd wanita/perempuan didefiniskan oleh byk aspek & melihat laki-laki bukan sbg rival melainkan partner yg kadangkala msh perlu usaha ekstra.
Cerita-cerita dari bbrp perempuan disini cukup menggambarkan bagaimana sistem sosial di Amerika membentuk jatidiri para perempuan ini sbg sosok yg 'serba salah' dan hampir tk kuasa mencari jln keluar selain tetap berjalan dgn kaki yg berdarah, istilahnya. Para laki-laki pun sama bingungnya spt para perempuan, bagaimana mrk hrs mengatasi berbagai kesenjangan yg kdg bikin mrk terlhat jahat. Yah walopun ada juga yg mmg lelaki dlm posisi tertentu lbh byk merugikan drpd membantu. Tp itu bukan utk menyamaratakan melainkan melihat dari dua sisi, feminisme tk semata-mata memusuhi laki-laki tp kdg jg msh menyulitkan perempuan itu sendiri jika tak mendapat dukungan.
Buku ini jg mengingatkan saya sbg seorang perempuan utk lbh byk membuka diskusi perkara pilihan2 seksual dgn pasangan kelak. Ternyata pembicaraan in sangat perlu dibahas meskipun di negara saya msh dibilang tabu tp saya perlu mengingatkan diri ini utk mencoba memulai berbicara scr terbuka. Krn apa yg terjadi selanjutnya sgt ditentukan oleh bagaimana sikap yg diambil kedua belah pihak. Pilihan2 bg seorang perempuan, lalu seorang istri, kemudian ibu hingga kembali menjadi perempuan lansia dimulai sejak pemikiran di awal ketika diri perempuan menentukan pijakannya.
Benar mg bhw buku ini gak bisa serta merta diaplikasikan di negara saya begitu saja namun pemikirannya saya kira cukup bagus utk ditelaah bersama, baik perempuan maupun laki-laki. Sistem patriarki di Indo sendiri lbh berat kpn represi perempuan sbg 'kanca wingkin' dmn sgl jenis pilihannya dianggap tdk terlalu penting. 'The Second sound' jg mjd sebab knp perempuan kdg nampak trs mencari-cari dmn kebahagiaan mrk di segala hal yg mrk lakukan krn ya memang sjk lahir kebahagiaan mrk sdh diatur, bkn dipilih sendiri. :)
October 7, 2021
I enjoyed this book and I have recommended it to a few people, HOWEVER it is not without its flaws!
Filipovic provides a great overview of modern/contemporary feminist issues in the US, and supports her arguments with lots of compelling data. You can definitely see her law and journalism background here, and sometimes the book feels a bit like a bunch of facts or a legal brief.
I would describe her writing style as a well written Masters thesis. It’s well researched and cogent, but she lacks a bit of flair in presenting her arguments and narratives. They’re compelling nonetheless, and I will be referencing them, but she’s no Steinem or Lorde or hooks.
I listened to the audiobook and it’s kinda funny because she mispronounced so many words - “Chimamanda”, “ennui”, “envisage”, and “whilst” were the most jarring. (Like, ma’am, YOU with all that education and your monolingualism, can’t pronounce these simple words?)
I also wonder if it did the book a disservice to listen to it read by the author, because idk, it’s difficult to separate /her/ and her life choices from her (good) arguments. Like she does sound like a pretty privileged and entitled person at times, especially when she talks about “what women want” from a romantic partner. While making the case that men should take on care work and domestic work, she also sort of says that men who do would not be desirable to her “or her friends”. It’s weirdly regressive.
I like this book, and it’s a great primer for those who are getting acquainted with the feminist landscape. However, she doesn’t really do anything revolutionary, and she doesn’t really provide much insight towards a politics of happiness, as her thesis suggests she will be.
At the end of the day Filipovic is a heterosexual cis white educated wealthy childfree American woman who has a male partner who wants to marry her (and she doesn’t know whether she wants to marry him) and it’s hard for someone like her and with her worldview to be truly revolutionary. I like that she references other people’s lives and she does always end her sentences with “and it’s WORSE FOR BLACK AND WOMEN OF COLOUR” (to show she is woke) but her tone is often very unaware as well.
I don’t want to drag Filipovic for these things, but it’s important to know who you’re reading, and from whose perspective, so that’s why I shared that context.
Filipovic provides a great overview of modern/contemporary feminist issues in the US, and supports her arguments with lots of compelling data. You can definitely see her law and journalism background here, and sometimes the book feels a bit like a bunch of facts or a legal brief.
I would describe her writing style as a well written Masters thesis. It’s well researched and cogent, but she lacks a bit of flair in presenting her arguments and narratives. They’re compelling nonetheless, and I will be referencing them, but she’s no Steinem or Lorde or hooks.
I listened to the audiobook and it’s kinda funny because she mispronounced so many words - “Chimamanda”, “ennui”, “envisage”, and “whilst” were the most jarring. (Like, ma’am, YOU with all that education and your monolingualism, can’t pronounce these simple words?)
I also wonder if it did the book a disservice to listen to it read by the author, because idk, it’s difficult to separate /her/ and her life choices from her (good) arguments. Like she does sound like a pretty privileged and entitled person at times, especially when she talks about “what women want” from a romantic partner. While making the case that men should take on care work and domestic work, she also sort of says that men who do would not be desirable to her “or her friends”. It’s weirdly regressive.
I like this book, and it’s a great primer for those who are getting acquainted with the feminist landscape. However, she doesn’t really do anything revolutionary, and she doesn’t really provide much insight towards a politics of happiness, as her thesis suggests she will be.
At the end of the day Filipovic is a heterosexual cis white educated wealthy childfree American woman who has a male partner who wants to marry her (and she doesn’t know whether she wants to marry him) and it’s hard for someone like her and with her worldview to be truly revolutionary. I like that she references other people’s lives and she does always end her sentences with “and it’s WORSE FOR BLACK AND WOMEN OF COLOUR” (to show she is woke) but her tone is often very unaware as well.
I don’t want to drag Filipovic for these things, but it’s important to know who you’re reading, and from whose perspective, so that’s why I shared that context.
October 9, 2018
This was not very good. That bright, blossoming cover made me do it, though.
Although Filipovic does have a lot to say, and some chapters were good, this book on female happiness ultimately felt directionless. I enjoyed the chapters on sex and food, but even in those chapters I disagreed with Filipovic's very liberal attitude. There were times when it seemed to me that she was making a mountain out of a molehill, getting all bent out of shape about ultimately trivial things -- while having relatively little to say about major feminist issues, like rape and abortion.
Filipovic, ultimately, is too liberal for me, too wrapped up in her own concerns. She scoffs at people who adopt, implying that there is no real need for such a dramatic and self-centered gesture. This is not surprising, since she takes a rather dim view of motherhood and wastes time wringing her hands over her irrelevant notion that marriage is fundamentally unfeminist and shouldn't be entered into. Too bad, Jill. No one cares what you think of their wedding day.
She spends a lot of time discussing single mothers and their burden (which is tremendous and needs more recognition culturally). But nowhere in her discussion is the idea that men should take responsibility for their kids. Mothers, grandmothers, churches, housemates, and of course, the government, are all discussed as having partial responsibility for fatherless children. The idea of making a man provide for his kids never seems to enter her mind. Like many liberal feminists, she wishes desperately for a different, better world, but is too timid to demand that men to change their behavior to make it possible. In the opening chapters she builds up the (true) argument that male success and happiness is only made possible through the work and sacrifice of women, yet she never realizes that it's a two way street.
Overall, this book had some bright spots but wasn't great.
Although Filipovic does have a lot to say, and some chapters were good, this book on female happiness ultimately felt directionless. I enjoyed the chapters on sex and food, but even in those chapters I disagreed with Filipovic's very liberal attitude. There were times when it seemed to me that she was making a mountain out of a molehill, getting all bent out of shape about ultimately trivial things -- while having relatively little to say about major feminist issues, like rape and abortion.
Filipovic, ultimately, is too liberal for me, too wrapped up in her own concerns. She scoffs at people who adopt, implying that there is no real need for such a dramatic and self-centered gesture. This is not surprising, since she takes a rather dim view of motherhood and wastes time wringing her hands over her irrelevant notion that marriage is fundamentally unfeminist and shouldn't be entered into. Too bad, Jill. No one cares what you think of their wedding day.
She spends a lot of time discussing single mothers and their burden (which is tremendous and needs more recognition culturally). But nowhere in her discussion is the idea that men should take responsibility for their kids. Mothers, grandmothers, churches, housemates, and of course, the government, are all discussed as having partial responsibility for fatherless children. The idea of making a man provide for his kids never seems to enter her mind. Like many liberal feminists, she wishes desperately for a different, better world, but is too timid to demand that men to change their behavior to make it possible. In the opening chapters she builds up the (true) argument that male success and happiness is only made possible through the work and sacrifice of women, yet she never realizes that it's a two way street.
Overall, this book had some bright spots but wasn't great.
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