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260 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1989
"Dear God. How can things like this happen in this day and age? Piracy, you think of men with gold earrings and peg legs and, and, parrots. Errol Flynn in the movies. It seems like something out of another time."
We're all whirling merrily through the void on a dying planet, and gay people are just doing their usual number, being shamelessly trendy as always. Right out in front on the cutting edge of death.It's a heart-breaking sentiment, and in an instant we are thrown back in time living and breathing the gritty reality of Scudder's city. It's not misty-eyed nostalgia, or even vintage. It's authentic, it's time travel.
"I wanted a drink. There were a hundred reasons why a man will want a drink, but I wanted one now for the most elementary reason of all. I didn't want to feel what I was feeling, and a voice within was telling me that I needed a drink, that I couldn't bear it without it.
But that voice is a liar. You can always bear the pain. It'll hurt, it'll burn like acid in an open wound, but you can stand it. And, as long as you can make yourself go on choosing the pain over the relief, you can keep going."
Some people’s stories are inspirational enough for cable television. They’ll tell you how they were down and out in East St. Louis and now they’re president of IBM with rising expectations. I don’t have that kind of story to tell. I still live in the same place and do the same thing for a living. The difference is I used to drink and now I don’t, and that’s about as inspirational as I get.

My friend Skip Devoe had said of Ballou that, if he had ten brothers and they all stood around in a circle, you’d think you were at Stonehenge. Ballou had that megalithic quality, and he had too an air of wild menace just held in check.