The Last Word: Reviving the Dying Art of Eulogy

by Julia Cooper

A lively examination of why the modern eulogy should rest in peace.

Finding the right words to reckon with a loved one’s death is no easy task, and the pressure to grieve in a timely fashion only makes the difficulty of saying a meaningful goodbye that much harder. We are continually instructed to contain our grief to a limited period, to promptly ‘get over it’ and return to business as usual – is it any wonder that, when the moment for speaking directly to death arrives, we so often grasp at clichés in order to avoid examining our sorrow?

In turning a critical eye toward the act of eulogy, Julia Cooper manages to perceptively, even playfully, create a new space for the bleak act of mourning. Examining fictional eulogies in The Big Lebowski and Love Actually alongside teary speeches at celebrity funerals and reflections on mourning from Roland Barthes and Jacques Derrida, The Last Word is a light in the dark. Braiding her delightful, lively cultural analysis with her own personal experiences of loss, Cooper makes a stunning and compelling case for a more compassionate approach to grief.

Genres: Nonfiction, Death, Grief, Essays

120 pages, Paperback

Published May 16, 2017

Reviews

[Meg]

This is not about how to write or give an eulogy. Cooper would much rather write about all the other aspects of grief after the death of a loved one, about pop culture eulogies, about social media eulogies for celebrities. So more pain than advice, although many people who've lost loved ones will appreciate the argument that our culture does not give enough space or time to grieve, or allow for the ugliness of the emotions that follow death.

[Marisa Carpico · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very strong. This is more of an academic approach to eulogy and grief, so if you're looking for more of a self-help angle, then I'd suggest something like Sheryl Sandberg's 'Option B'.

I'm not usually one for cultural theory, but Cooper's writing is so clear and well-organized that it's difficult not to be pulled along by her arguments. The pop cultural references are strong, but its the personal angles that make this really convincing. A lot of what Cooper says tracks with my experience. However, I could see where a person who perhaps doesn't have much experience with grief or who hasn't spent a lot of time intellectualizing it would find her conclusions and observations unconvincing or reductive. I'd encourage anyone who picks this up to look for the truths in her criticisms of the way Western/capitalist culture treats grief and mourning rather than approaching this from a defensive stance. The argument takes time and reading through all of it is worth your time.

[Sherry Monger · Rating 4 out of 5]

It seems apt that my last book of 2017 should be The Last Word, an examination of our culture's attitudes toward death and grief and our determination to make sense of it all. While death is described as banal and boring since it is the common experience of everyone who has ever lived, Cooper looks at our desire to rush grief in order to get it over with - to return to the pursuit of happiness that our society demands as our right. We are determined to grieve in a way that is palatable to onlookers and for just the right amount of time in order not to be seen as dragging our heels or being maudlin.
The advent of social media has altered the landscape of shared grief as users hasten to announce, share and compete in being Top Griever. Using events such as the deaths of Princess Diana, David Bowie and Prince, Cooper examines the outpouring of emotion for each celebrity and the sentiments presented in social media postings.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I was expecting this book to be more personal, I was charmed by its very academic approach to griefs and eulogies. It is a history of how the pain of memorializing has been presented in twentieth-century Western society--coupled with brief moments where it is clear that the author has felt a great deal of pain of loss herself. She even acknowledges the irony of turning her own personal grief into "something useful." The mourning of celebrities is a much larger subject than the meaning of eulogies in more private or personal settings.

[Lara · Rating 5 out of 5]

"What sort of cruel joke is it, then, that we know loss in some primal way, but can't seem to talk about it?"

"We push the heft of our grief interminably upward and just when we think there might be some respite, or a pause in our loss, it rolls all the way back down and our mourning becomes as fresh as ever."

"Grief is boring to those who peer at it from a distance."

"To be overcome with grief is to have given a damn about someone else."

[Doug · Rating 3 out of 5]

Erudite look at eulogy and grieving. Focused on how eulogy tends to be regarded in today's society, almost disconnected from grief itself. But she makes her case by too many references to pop culture and not enough of real life grievers. She also drops in gratuitous political references that add nothing to her overall narrative.

[Fred Kinsie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book on the grief process and an thorough analysis of eulogies.

[Martha · Rating 4 out of 5]

academic, not how-to

[Erin Kernohan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Received an advanced copy of this title through NetGalley.

If you have an interest in the eulogy from a more academic or pop culture perspective, you'll find Cooper's treatment of the eulogy very interesting. Her writing is smart and compelling. I would have liked to see the "amateurs" get more airtime here. This subject matter has the potential to be popular among the newly grieved - but I'm not sure this book quite hits the mark.