Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child

by Kyle D. Pruett

Fathers have always parented differently than mothers. In Fatherneed , Dr. Kyle D. Pruett shows mothers and fathers why that difference is so important to a child's physical, cognitive, and emotional development.

Drawing on more than two decades of highly acclaimed research at the Yale Child Study Center, and backed up by true stories from actual families, Fatherneed is the essential how-to guide for women and men who wish to promote engaged fathering. This book will help enable fathers to give their children the skills they need to develop into happy and healthy adults. Step by step, Dr. Pruett specifically addresses what a father can do to prepare his marriage, his house, and his emotions for his child's needs, from infancy through the toddler years, childhood, adolescence, and young and mature adulthood.

With advice to fathers ranging from how to speak to toddlers so that they listen, to how to avoid the common tendency to reinforce gender stereotypes in young children, to how to maintain a connection with an increasingly autonomous teenager, Fatherneed is the perfect resource for all dads-including divorced fathers, fathers of adopted children, stepfathers, and fathers of special-needs children-as well as moms who want kids who are meaningfully connected to their fathers. With wit, authority, and compassion, Dr. Pruett shows how to be sure that your child gets what only a father can provide.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 31, 2000

About the author

Dr. Pruett has been a distinguished educator at the graduate, undergraduate and distance-learning level for three decades and has served the Child Study Center as Director of Medical and Undergraduate Studies and member of School of Medicine’s Curriculum Committee. He is an international expert and forensic consultant on child, parental and family development, paternal involvement, children’s mental health, creativity and the effects of trauma, media and divorce on young and very young children. Founder of the Yale Conference on Fatherhood, and the Harris Professional Development Network for Training in Early Intervention and Research, and was co-chair of the Child Custody Conflict Placement Committee of the Child Study Center and the Yale Law School.

Reviews

[Iris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be required reading for all humans. It discusses how "fathering" is not a decorative part of a family, but is important in raising healthy, balanced children. The nice thing about this book is it really breaks down the tendencies that mothers have, and that fathers have, in parent-child interactions, so for those of us who will raise children as single moms or as mom/mom couples, we can compensate for what we may not instinctually do. It also helps those of us who were raised without fathers negotiate that void.

[Paul C. Stalder · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you do not believe that father's play an important role in the raising of children, this book is a must read. If you already believe in the importance of the father's role, this book provides some solid background, evidence, and deeper understanding of that belief. It did, for me, get a little tedious as it went on however. It began to feel like every page was repeating the last. Pruett convinces you that father's are important, only to tell you again that they are important, only to reiterate that they are important. While I understand better the science behind why father's are important, I do not feel like it added anything to my parenting toolbox. Perhaps that wasn't his intention in writing this book, and the subtitle would seem to agree with that. However I felt unsatisfied as this book came to a close. Again, certainly a must read if you doubt the importance of the father's role. If you do not, expect to simply be reaffirmed without any substantial edification.

[Jr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is great for new fathers.

When I became a father, (around the time it was published) it was one of the very few such books and I found it very insightful.

I'm hoping that two decades later that is no longer the case but a quick search isn't encouraging. It does have limitations in assuming the father is part of a heterosexual couple in which both parents are involved in parenting and makes various stereotypical assumptions about them. But, despite that, I think it would be a useful book for new parents to read to get insights into the various sorts of parenting that are needed to raise a healthy child and encourage you to read it (or a more recent improvement if you can find such a book).

[A · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is easy to read and informative. hmm. Uh, recommended reading if you're divorcing or divorced or separated or what-have-you.

Okay, here is my update after reading it. It is very biased against mothers in general, i.e.,

1) Assumes mothers don't want the fathers to be really involved with infants & children, which I don't think is the case most of the time.

2) The author seems to obsess about, oh, what does he call it...."gatekeeping". This means that the mother protects the infant or child from others having "access". What he neglects to mention or take in to account, is that sometimes there is a good reason for mothers to be protective of their children. It is somehow ironic that he is misogynist in not trusting that the mother is doing what is best for the child--rather that he assumes the mother is just doing it for no reason. And he presents it as happening all the time. See #1 above. Perhaps he should write about his mother experience, which is whence this all seems to stem.

Much of the conclusions he comes to are not documented with actual research or studies--the book is much more based on his opinions and stories he has heard, which downgrades it in my mind, because it is *presented* as a more research-based book than it actually is.

So, I liked the book in the beginning, and he makes some good points, but I got really sick of his bias as it got progressively stronger through the book.

[Nate Jordon · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Mothers don't father, and fathers don't mother" - but the two approaches to raising children are vital. In short, engaged fathering and mothering is what's needed for optimal child development. Fatherneed is a critical resource for all dads - including divorced dads, stepdads, adopted dads, dads to special needs children - as well as moms who want to understand the need their children have for connection to and relationship with their dads.

[Andrew Humphrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love that this book exists. I had a challenging relationship with my father, and I think this book will serve me well as I navigate life. The combination of academic studies, individual stories, and concrete parenting tools is perfect.

The author's voice is strong and pleasant. He gives clear advice and throws in some cute anecdotes and funny observations. In short, he sounds like I want to sound as a dad!

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was honored to hear Dr. Pruett speak last year regarding his research and perspectives in the role of fathers with children throughout the course of the lifespan. Just as in his articulation regarding the impact of fathers in his live discussions, Dr. Pruett similarly describes the importance of the male figure in the life of a child in a uniquely splendid way. I loved the way he described the various ways in which a father's role and need, or fatherneed, in a child's life is vastly different from the role of the mother; mothering is not fathering, and fathering is not mothering. While he does not, in any way, discount the importance of recognizing the availability of either a father or mother in the child's life, he elucidates the ways in which fathering developmentally provides means of rough-and-tumble play, as well as other simple differences in the inclinations of fathers to interact with their children in an inherently different way than mothers. He also goes into differences between fathers of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, as well as single dads and those that make up minority family makeup groups. I highly recommend that all parents be exposed to this work, as not only does it benefit old, new, and the every-dad type, but also mothers and other parental/caregiving figures in noting the distinct differences brought to the table with the role of dads in the lives of children.

[Kathleen Gwilliam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took a course in college centered around this book. I was fascinated by the research Pruett did around the role of the father in the home. We here so much the importance of mother's in their child's life, however this book brings out the benefits children get from an active father. I think many men need to realize the important role they can play in their child's life.

[Mary-Anne Swift · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent read for fathers, mothers, future fathers and mothers, basically every human being should read this. So informative and interesting. I took a college course revolving around this book and it was one of the best classes I've ever had.

[DaughterDaDa · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource. Required and essential reading for parents, judges, and attorneys, especially for parents involved in a custody dispute.

[Elaine Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great way to better understand just what children need from their fathers. It is a new campaign toward fatherhood awareness that I hope everyone will join. Wish I found this book sooner.

[Jessica]

this would be currently reading but it wasn't on the library shelf as had been indicated on the catalog...

HBC recommendation

[Clivemichael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent