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From Boys to Men: Spiritual Rites of Passage in an Indulgent Age
A guide to restoring the successful models used by ancient cultures the world over to raise adolescent boys
• Explains the negative effects of Western youth culture and how it can be transformed
• Offers instructions for integrating basic rites of passage into modern family life and youth programs
For tens of thousands of years all across the globe, societies have been coping with raising adolescents. Why is it then that native cultures never had the need for juvenile halls, residential treatment centers, mood-altering drugs, or boot camps? How did they avoid the high incidence of teen violence America is experiencing, and how did they prevent their youth from relying on drugs and alcohol, the use of which has become so prevalent in Western society?
In From Boys to Men , Bret Stephenson shows readers that older cultures didn’t magically avoid adolescence; instead they developed successful rituals and rites of passage for sculpting teen boys into healthy young men. From Aleutian Eskimos to Polynesian Islanders, from tribal Africans to Australian Aborigines, each culture found archetypal ways to initiate their boys into the adult community. Stephenson explains the basics of rites of passage and offers insight into how to reintroduce these successful practices and traditional understandings into modern family life and programs for youth. He discusses the damaging effects of our youth culture and the negative teen products that are fueled by corporate America and reveals how we can counteract these negative forces by using meaningful rites of passage to create a society with happy and healthy adolescent boys.
• Explains the negative effects of Western youth culture and how it can be transformed
• Offers instructions for integrating basic rites of passage into modern family life and youth programs
For tens of thousands of years all across the globe, societies have been coping with raising adolescents. Why is it then that native cultures never had the need for juvenile halls, residential treatment centers, mood-altering drugs, or boot camps? How did they avoid the high incidence of teen violence America is experiencing, and how did they prevent their youth from relying on drugs and alcohol, the use of which has become so prevalent in Western society?
In From Boys to Men , Bret Stephenson shows readers that older cultures didn’t magically avoid adolescence; instead they developed successful rituals and rites of passage for sculpting teen boys into healthy young men. From Aleutian Eskimos to Polynesian Islanders, from tribal Africans to Australian Aborigines, each culture found archetypal ways to initiate their boys into the adult community. Stephenson explains the basics of rites of passage and offers insight into how to reintroduce these successful practices and traditional understandings into modern family life and programs for youth. He discusses the damaging effects of our youth culture and the negative teen products that are fueled by corporate America and reveals how we can counteract these negative forces by using meaningful rites of passage to create a society with happy and healthy adolescent boys.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
304 pages, Paperback
First published October 25, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
January 24, 2012
This book definitely passed my "good sense" test. It makes sense. While this was written by a man who has formed a career out of helping juvenile delinquents, he is quick to point out that the rite of passage isn't just for society's lost boys. As a parent of a son, I often worry about how to help him become a man in a culture that isn't designed to help young boys flourish and become adults. As I read, it became more clear to me why my religion does things the way it does. Many of the purposes of the Aaronic priesthood are as rites of passage to guide our young men into adulthood; ready for responsibility and maturity. I am impressed by the universality of the book and it has solidified to me that ritual is important to all of us. It certainly had me planning my daughter's "red tent" ceremony as well as rites for my son. I have already had long conversations with my husband regarding the Hero's Journey, so there wasn't a huge amount of buy-in needed for me to enjoy this book. I thought he did a goo balance of personal anecdotes along with practical applications and resources to create your own ritual and rites of passage in a way that speaks best to you. Not one way will work for all. You have to use your parental intuition to decide what will work best for you and your sons.
February 16, 2017
Skvělá knížka, která vedla k nejedné rodinné diskuzi. Myslím, že za pár let, až mé děti přijdou do puberty, ji budu muset znovu najít a projít. Není nutné se bát titulního obrázku či spirituálního charakteru - ba naopak. Ve světle historických a kulturních změn se jedná o přijatelnější záležitosti, než současná krize rodiny a věcí z ní vyplývající. Troufám si říct, že vedle pomoci s výchovou chlapců knížka může pomoc dospět nejednomu dospělému muži čtenáři.
September 11, 2007
Wow. The things this book got me to think about... Anyone raising a young man in this culture should read this. Stephenson makes wonderful case after case for the importance of initiation for young men.
(Okay, young women need initiation as well, but Nature set us up with an automatic initiation, even if it is just being handed a pamphlet and a box of Tampax...that's still more than most young men get)
Anyway, Stephenson quotes excellent sources (Thomas Heine, John Taylor Gatto, etc.), numerous anthropological studies, cultural studies, traditional/historical information, and likely more that I am forgetting right now. He also recounts story upon story from his 15 (or more) years working with adolescent boys - both at-risk and not at-risk.
Some parts of the book were repetitious and the occasional part wasn't all that well written, but the passion and compassion that Stephen has for his subject (not to mention "his boys") overrides any prosaic difficulties. It is obvious from the introduction and throughout the book that he deeply loves and respects young men, is tremendously grieved by the many hurts they receive at the hands of our culture, and could not be happier with his job, hard as it is.
I'm going to expand on the first paragraph -- anyone dating, married to, a parent of, a friend of, or the child of a man who has grown up in this culture without initiation should browse this book (at the very least).
(Okay, young women need initiation as well, but Nature set us up with an automatic initiation, even if it is just being handed a pamphlet and a box of Tampax...that's still more than most young men get)
Anyway, Stephenson quotes excellent sources (Thomas Heine, John Taylor Gatto, etc.), numerous anthropological studies, cultural studies, traditional/historical information, and likely more that I am forgetting right now. He also recounts story upon story from his 15 (or more) years working with adolescent boys - both at-risk and not at-risk.
Some parts of the book were repetitious and the occasional part wasn't all that well written, but the passion and compassion that Stephen has for his subject (not to mention "his boys") overrides any prosaic difficulties. It is obvious from the introduction and throughout the book that he deeply loves and respects young men, is tremendously grieved by the many hurts they receive at the hands of our culture, and could not be happier with his job, hard as it is.
I'm going to expand on the first paragraph -- anyone dating, married to, a parent of, a friend of, or the child of a man who has grown up in this culture without initiation should browse this book (at the very least).
July 9, 2010
The author, Bret Stephenso, did a class for foster parents Paul attended. He works with kids were it is their last chance to turn around before incarceration. Tis book is informative for all of us who wonder when we really became women and men and for anyone who is parenting or in a role of leadership with tweens and teens.
January 10, 2026
Jedna z kníh, ktorá by nemala chýbať na poličke otcov svojich synov v akejkoľvek životnej fáze. Doktor Bret má svoju prácu evidentne rád a má rád aj chalanov, s ktorými sa stretáva vo svojej praxi, aj keď to nie je vždy jednoduché. Značná časť knihy sa venuje rituálom (aj iných kultúr), praktikám, spôsobom práce so skupinou pri rituáloch dospievania-premeny chlapca na muža, čo poskytuje návod skôr organizátorom rôznych táborov a podujatí zameraných na dospievanie. Vďaka citlivému prísupu autora však kniha slúži aj ako návod pre pochopenie a zvládanie niektorých situácií pri ich výchove a hlavne vedení komplikovaným dospievaním, hľadaním vzorov, zmyslu života.
Terapeut Michael Vančura napísal v doslove k českému vydaniu: "Jedním ze současných problémů je to, že se adolescence prodlužuje do dospělosti, a to vede k pseudoiniciačnímu chování dospělých. Na silnicích, v politice." Bro, ani nevieš ako!
Terapeut Michael Vančura napísal v doslove k českému vydaniu: "Jedním ze současných problémů je to, že se adolescence prodlužuje do dospělosti, a to vede k pseudoiniciačnímu chování dospělých. Na silnicích, v politice." Bro, ani nevieš ako!
April 28, 2024
Túto knihu odporúčam každému, kto chce pochopiť proces úspešného dospievania a/lebo hranicu medzi detstvom a dospelosťou. Autor pomenúva kľúčové parametre procesu dospievania presne a jasne. Je radosť čítať jeho postrehy a zároveň sa zamýšľať nad tým, ako prebiehal tento proces vo mne a mojom okolí.
Bret Stephenson zažil mnoho nefunkčnosti a paradoxov vo svojej praxi s problémovou mládežou. Nezatrpkol však a začal hľadať symptómy a ich riešenia. Všimol si, že iniciačné rituály v archetypálnych kultúrach mali mnoho spoločných znakov a v súčasnej dobe ich už v procese dospievania moderná spoločnosť, žiaľ, nepoužíva. Začal ich teda pomaly skúmať a implementovať do práce s problémovou mládežou a prinieslo to bohaté ovocie. Veľmi hodnotné čítanie.
Bret Stephenson zažil mnoho nefunkčnosti a paradoxov vo svojej praxi s problémovou mládežou. Nezatrpkol však a začal hľadať symptómy a ich riešenia. Všimol si, že iniciačné rituály v archetypálnych kultúrach mali mnoho spoločných znakov a v súčasnej dobe ich už v procese dospievania moderná spoločnosť, žiaľ, nepoužíva. Začal ich teda pomaly skúmať a implementovať do práce s problémovou mládežou a prinieslo to bohaté ovocie. Veľmi hodnotné čítanie.
December 23, 2022
Many parts contain useful advice for raising your children, but some of them, especially the last chapter, is about the extremes the author had to withstand, which was quite unpleasant to follow through.
March 24, 2010
I have been warned not to judge a book by its cover yet with one glance at this one, I foresaw a work ripe with hokey suggestions for homemade ceremonies and unfounded statements about society’s spiritual abandonment of youth. When will I learn? It’s not that bad. In fact, author Bret Stephenson has penned an astute piece of literature that offers some valuable insights into youth culture.
Stephenson begins by identifying the conditions that have led to a postindustrial society teeming with unfocused, unaccountable, uninitiated teenage and adult males. He asserts that adolescence in North America is nearly twice the length of native, nature-based cultures, beginning as early as 9 years old in modern culture and lasting into the early 20s. During these years, young people are expected to “find themselves” with little to no emotional or spiritual assistance from their elders. We have accepted and so they are expected to be out of control at times, make grave mistakes, practice little impulse control, and behave with a inclination towards rebellion and disrespect. The author also suggests that this ever-lengthening period provides ample opportunity for very natural reactions to the hardships that accompany adolescence to become pathological and destructive.
He also notes that in generations past, even western teenagers were more motivated to join the adult world by the promise they could be a part of a strong, virtuous community. Today’s youth are disillusioned by the state of the greater world as they see it. They do not want to enter the fold of a global society bent on waging war and permeated by “environmental problems, political corruption…homelessness, racism” (p. 61). And why leave adolescence behind anyway when western culture is increasingly youth-oriented? Media, fashion, and entertainment cater more and more to the tastes of young people. “Young is the best thing to be!” screams modern culture. The author suggests that teenagers have no desire or need to participate in our adult world of what they might perceive as faded and useless people and reminds us, “Traditional societies did not view elderhood as nonproductive leisure time, but rather as a time to give back to the community, to teach and mentor young people” (p. 14).
Stephenson also discusses risk taking as a natural component of adolescence as well as ways postmodern society might provide a structure in which boys can exercise their natural propensity to find challenges to overcome. He presents many ideas here but little about how to implement them on a broader scale. Though I can’t believe that a widespread return to ritual in and of itself will solve the deep psychosocial challenges we face in this new millennium, I do support Stephenson’s assertion that warmly inviting our teenagers back into the fold, scaling the divide, letting them know we value and honor them through the provision of recognized, perhaps even formal, rites of passage would go a long way towards some collective healing. Maybe I just wanted more “how to” out of this one.
Stephenson begins by identifying the conditions that have led to a postindustrial society teeming with unfocused, unaccountable, uninitiated teenage and adult males. He asserts that adolescence in North America is nearly twice the length of native, nature-based cultures, beginning as early as 9 years old in modern culture and lasting into the early 20s. During these years, young people are expected to “find themselves” with little to no emotional or spiritual assistance from their elders. We have accepted and so they are expected to be out of control at times, make grave mistakes, practice little impulse control, and behave with a inclination towards rebellion and disrespect. The author also suggests that this ever-lengthening period provides ample opportunity for very natural reactions to the hardships that accompany adolescence to become pathological and destructive.
He also notes that in generations past, even western teenagers were more motivated to join the adult world by the promise they could be a part of a strong, virtuous community. Today’s youth are disillusioned by the state of the greater world as they see it. They do not want to enter the fold of a global society bent on waging war and permeated by “environmental problems, political corruption…homelessness, racism” (p. 61). And why leave adolescence behind anyway when western culture is increasingly youth-oriented? Media, fashion, and entertainment cater more and more to the tastes of young people. “Young is the best thing to be!” screams modern culture. The author suggests that teenagers have no desire or need to participate in our adult world of what they might perceive as faded and useless people and reminds us, “Traditional societies did not view elderhood as nonproductive leisure time, but rather as a time to give back to the community, to teach and mentor young people” (p. 14).
Stephenson also discusses risk taking as a natural component of adolescence as well as ways postmodern society might provide a structure in which boys can exercise their natural propensity to find challenges to overcome. He presents many ideas here but little about how to implement them on a broader scale. Though I can’t believe that a widespread return to ritual in and of itself will solve the deep psychosocial challenges we face in this new millennium, I do support Stephenson’s assertion that warmly inviting our teenagers back into the fold, scaling the divide, letting them know we value and honor them through the provision of recognized, perhaps even formal, rites of passage would go a long way towards some collective healing. Maybe I just wanted more “how to” out of this one.
March 20, 2009
I have found this book inspirational and has prompted me to continue my desire to create ritual and rites of passage for my father friends with their boys. A group is now forming on Whidbey Island thanks to Bret's incredible insights into the impact on our young generation who is lacking these rites of passage. The hero's journey he speaks of in his book is bang on and many ounger fathers are just begining to take note and this book will continue to be my personal reference book. Thank you Bret....
December 6, 2016
This is how I'll raise a boy if I'll have one.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews