Hitler, Verwoerd, Mandela and me. A memoir of sorts

by Marianne Thamm (Contributor)

Writer, journalist and occasional comedian Marianne Thamm recounts her unconventional life story with great honesty and humour. Born to a German father and a Portuguese mother who had immigrated to South Africa at the height of white rule, Marianne grew up tough amid Afrikaans neighbours in Pretoria's less salubrious suburbs. Today, she is an outspoken feminist icon and the delighted mother of two. Told in her inimitable, frank and funny voice, Marianne's memoir offers a poignant, often hilarious account of her complex relationship with her parents, her father in particular, and the ever-present ghosts of history. Her story of belonging, love and loss, set against the backdrops of Nazi Germany, apartheid, and a free South Africa, is deeply affecting, and filled with wisdom and hope.

Genres: Africa, Nonfiction, Biography, South Africa, Memoir, History, Feminism

303 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2016

Reviews

[Minette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hitler, Verwoed, Mandela and Me by Marianne Thamm

I want to start off by saying that the title doesn’t have much to do with the three men although they were all on the periphery of her life.

Celebrated columnist, sub editor of the Daily Maverick, stand up comic and author, Marianne Thamm writes about her life growing up as the daughter of a man who fought for Hitler in the youth league and made munitions for Verwoerd, and a largely illiterate Portuguese woman, her mother. She describes her passage to adulthood in the apartheid era, the influences, the lessons and how she’s emerged years later, a successful woman with two adopted black daughters. But it is mostly the story of a father and a daughter.

I just loved this book. It is a very interesting memoir, very well written, full of stories and dry humour, which gives the reader an idea how it felt growing up as a white girl in apartheid South Africa, how a German father can influence his daughters life all way through and what it means to live as a lesbian mother in modern South Africa.

This is a very particular South African story, a book filled with wisdom and love, dealing head on with some very uncomfortable issues like gay parenting, adoption of babies of another ethnicity than yourself and as I have mentioned before her relationship with her father. I can highly recommend it. 5 stars

[Kathe Coleman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hitler, Verwoerd, Mandela and me: A memoir of sorts by Marianne Thamm
Thamm describes herself as “half-Portuguese, half-German, recovering Roman Catholic atheist lesbian immigrant”. She was born in England in 1961 to a German father, Georg (who was a POW at the time and had served under Hitler) and Barbara, a Portuguese woman. When still a young child her father is recruited by the South African Department of Defense to work on a classified project. They move to Pretoria, a suburb where she grows up denying her feminine existence, and is first introduced to different cultures and races. Due to the terrors he experienced in the war, Georg suffers from perpetual mourning or melancholia and being a girl in apartheid South Africa, Marianne became the target for his unresolved grief. Marginalized as a child, she finds it very difficult to be an adult and some point she understands that there must be statute of limitations for blaming her father and begins the process to heal herself. Tags: bigotry, father/daughter, lesbian, South Africa, apartheid, adoption, humor, exquisite writing. Very Good 4.5 -5.0

[Karina Szczurek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart-breaking and heartening; huge, intimate. Beautifully written.

[Ruben Desmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wat een geluk dat Marianne Tham ooit Tom Lanoye heeft ontmoet, anders had ik deze rijke beschouwing van de ontwikkeling van het leven in Zuid-Afrika waarschijnlijk nooit gelezen.

Dat dit niet zomaar een biografie is, blijkt uit de maatschappelijke verwevenheid die in het levensverhaal van Marianne naar voren komt.

Terwijl ik verbleef in Kaapstad (en iets daarna) las ik dit verhaal, waardoor het mij nog meer aansprak. Erg genoten van de vlotte schrijfstijl.

[Hjwoodward · Rating 5 out of 5]

I resisted taking this book out. I'm not a fan of biographies and haven't much interest in the political. I had however seen Marianne Thamm in conversation at the CT book festival - she impressed me hugely - and a friend (Minette) spoke of it in glowing terms. I'm very glad I did. It is wonderful. Funny, self-deprecating and honest, it contains a few of those little nuggets that either make your eyes fill up or laugh out loud (or both at once!) . Here's one I particularly treasured: "In that sense I had been drawn to the warm and enveloping love of a partner who loved me unconditionally. It is only when you can be your real self with a partner, when they understand that the self-serving, narcissistic, hurtful and infuriating Doppelgänger who emerges from time to time is just one complex layer of many, that love, can deepen and mature or, in the worst-case scenario, sour." And then, this little piece (oh wow!) "It is not that a social self is somehow counterfeit; it is the armour we need to face the world. But manifesting this can be exhausting. We hang up the cloak of our social selves in our private spaces. I found a space relatively successfully, to inhabit all these selves without inflicting too much collateral damage." I could easily be in love with this person! She seems to sort of take it for granted that she has bags of that quality I so admire in others that I so sadly lack in myself: courage. The only quibble I have with this book (and the reason I had to weigh up whether to give it four or five stars) was that she, who avoided sweeping generalisations on the whole, did seem to consign the whole of Afrikanerdom into one wastepaper basket. The hairs on the back of my Afrikaans neck sometimes stood up. But she made up for that in the very detailed and complex way she spoke of her father, which of course I could extrapolate to the Afrikaans side of my family.
The last few chapters are so touching! I loved the way they go to wait at Red Cross children's hospital with a baby but without a baby bag. I don't think I would dare even walk down the road without a spare nappy, baby wipes, a dummy, a bottle, etc let alone a visit to a state hospital! Anyway, a lovely read.

[Hans · Rating 3 out of 5]

Zo herkenbaar. De immigratie, de tijd, de immigranten, de apartheid, het land, het wereldgebeuren.
Wel een autobiografie die voor een buitenstaander misschien niet veel zegt.
Voor mij een terugblik in mijn jeugd en in de tijd.
Confrontatie met apartheid. En confrontatie met haar vader.

[Riet · Rating 3 out of 5]

Een bijzonder interessant levensverhaal, maar niet zo geweldig geschreven. Vandaar de 3 sterren. De schrijfster is journaliste, geborenin engeland. De vader was een duitse Nazi, die bij de slag om Arnhem krijgsgevangene is gemaakt en naar Engeland overgebracht. De moeder een Portugese arbeids immigrante. Een bijzonder mooie vrouw; zij is analfabeet. Zij krijgen 2 kinderen en vertrekken dan naar Zuid-Afrika. Daar heerst nog volop de apartheid. vandaar de titel, die ik overigens niet zo goed gekozen vind. De schrijfster komt er tijdens haar schooljaren achter, dat zij lesbisch is. Geen onverdeeld genoegen in het Zuid-Afrika van die tijd. Zij wordt journalist en heft enkele relaties om uiteindelijk de vrouw van haar leven te vinden. Inmiddels is dan Mandela aan de macht. Zuid-Afrika krijgt een nieuwe grondwet, waarin o.a. de homosexuelen gelijkgesteld worden. Zij adopteren twee zwarte meisjes. Alles wordt met de nodige humor en zelfspot beschreven. De vader komt vrij goed uit de verf, de moeder veeel minder.
Het boek blijft naar mijn smaak wat aan de oppervlakte. Ik krijg de indruk, dat de schrijfster het achterste van haar tong niet wil laten zien.

[Marisca Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed Marianne Thamm’s sort-of-memoir. I learnt so much about Nazis and Verwoerd. I learnt about propaganda – something I never considered I might have been subjected to. This story opened a few windows in my mind and let some fresh air and new thoughts in. I read Marianne’s descriptions of her father’s last days soon after my mother’s last days, and my empathy was overwhelming. When I read about her job at Barclays in Sunnyside, I shared the details with my father, who was transferred to that branch around the same time. He recognised many of the names (and corrected her on one of them). The book became personal. There was much that I identified with: the difficult discussions with parents who held different views. The assumptions of intent we make based on people’s behaviour. Marianne is a masterful writer, who – for me – managed to teach and inform, without compromising the intimacy of her personal story.

[Nathalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although the story, historical and psychological insight are compelling and touching, the writing style feels nude and basic. I did not find a lot of literary pleasure in this book. But this life story will, undoubtebly, linger in my mind for a long time.

[Rob Price · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading a South African experience through a different lens. As a young white South African Marianne seemed to struggle to find her place in the world from a very early age. This estrangement seems to be driven from her relationship with her German father (who fought with the Nazi's) and the South African political system that didn't make much sense to her. There were quite a few experiences that touched the heart and made me think about other people and how they interact with the world. Her fathers' inability to engage emotionally and the impact that Marianne's adopted black children had on the father was particularly touching. Also interesting how the lack of engagement between Marianne and her father led to a build-up in resentment towards him and conclusions being drawn in her mind because there wasn't any real material to clarify his perspective/opinions. An understanding of Marianne's lesbian and feminist experiences was also interesting and valuable.

[Lisa Lazarus · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and thought it got stronger and stronger as it progressed. It is a memoir (of sorts, the author says) of her childhood growing up in the height of Apartheid in Pretoria, with a German father (who was a pilot for the Luftwaffe) and a Portuguese mother. It is a coming of age story and beyond; about forging a personal and political identity. It is well written. Thamm is a well respected journalist and sometimes her writing slips into journalese - the better writing is when she loses this style. She is insightful about herself, her father, life and especially death. The way she deals with the death of her father, and death in general, is especially moving. As well as the reality of being a lesbian, and raising two adopted black kids in South Africa today - and the racism and prejudice that still exists in SA today. Well worth reading. She comes across as a special woman, the kind you would want as a friend in your life.

[The Contented · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book felt like it was printed on stone paper or card. It was just the heaviest thing, and therefore not very easy to move around. This lack of portability partly explains why it took so long to complete. But it also had the inadvertent effect of making me feel like the author was an old friend by the time I completed it - she felt like someone I had known for a long while.

There’s no especial reason why I should like this book, except that it was a unique find. It may not be the best book ever written, some of it was quite dull, but some of it really resonated, weirdly. It’s well written in a sufficiently unique way, The chapters about Pretoria in the 1970s made me laugh out loud. And so, based on my own reaction to the book, which is what book reviews are about after all, it deserves several stars.

[Sandrijn W. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Als geschiedenisboek zeker de moeite waard: dit boek geeft inzicht in het Zuid-Afrika van voor Mandela en na Mandela. Echt boeiend. Het persoonlijke verhaal van Marianne Thamm is zeker ook interessant, maar niet al te best geschreven, hier en daar te veel uitweidingen, te langdradig. Los van dit alles vind ik Marianne een bewonderenswaardige vrouw.

[Luke Mckend · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir is strongest when focusing more intensely on particular relationships or specific events, rather than simply narrating a simple sequence of life events. When the focus is on, it's often moving, providing the reader with an intimate view of Tham's world.

[Eveline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mooi verhaal over een vrouw die vecht met haar ‘foute’ vader, maar beter contact met hem krijgt door haar geadopteerde donkere kinderen in een zojuist bevrijd Zuid-Afrika. Mooi om te zien dat Zuid-Afrikanen Mandela zagen als hun persoonlijke redder. Mooi tijdsbeeld ook.

[Lotti · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interessant zeker wat de historie betreft. Het persoonlijke verhaal is boeiend, maar voor mijn gevoel te langdradig, te detaillistisch en in niet bijzonder mooie taal beschreven. Desalniettemin: een bijzondere vrouw.

[Joke Kolthoff · Rating 3 out of 5]

Boek met veel invalshoeken. De persoonlijke ontwikkeling van de schrijfster, haar ingewikkelde verhouding tot haar ouders, vooral haar vader. En dan de geschiedenis van Zuid-Afrika tijdens haar leven. Ik vond de theoretische fragmenten in het boek het minst interessant

[Arie Kok · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goed geschreven en bij tijden aangrijpend persoonlijk verhaal, waarin Thamm laat zien hoe racisme en achterstelling doorwerkt in volgende generaties.

[Elise Vermeeren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stop bragging Marianne.

[Liesbeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Luister naar aflevering 3 van de podcast Team Boek Toe: https://fanlink.to/b42b

[Peggy Stuyck · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok boek maar ik had er toch meer van verwacht......

[Elizabeth Joss) · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book all South Africans should read. Beautifully and honestly written.

[Laure · Rating 4 out of 5]

We zien de dingen inderdaad niet zoals ze zijn; we zien ze zoals wij zijn.

[Helma Somsen · Rating 2 out of 5]

interessant onderwerp
oninteressante manier van schrijven voor mij

[Marieke Izelaar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Prima vermakelijk. Mooi verhaal dat goed genoeg geschreven is om lekker vlot te lezen.

[Chris Galle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Er zijn veel redenen om dit boek te lezen, maar het mooiste in dit boek vind ik de zoektocht naar liefde tussen Marianne en haar vader, een zeer moeizaam proces dat pas met de adoptie van twee zwarte dochtertjes een wending ten goede krijgt.

Lees meer op
http://gal-altijdeenboek.blogspot.be/...

[Karen Petersen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written, poignant. Although there were sections where I wandered a little , the more personal parts grabbed me and would not allow me to stop reading, especially once the children were introduced. It was my era so much of the story reminded me of my own and I loved the familiarity of it. I would recommend this book to all.

[Charmaine Elliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delightful, yet frustrating - interesting, yet unsatisfying. I would have preferred a series of books. George and Marianne could fill a volume. Mothering Kenya another. Life with X a third. Work as a journalist another. Perhaps this will happen in the future. The walk through Marianne's life seemed a little quick, somewhat superficial at times - and the glimpses of focused attention on an event, a relationship, a person provide the depth, the substance and hope for more and richer. More polish, less glossing over in the expanded ME collection will be expected. This book is the contextual overview.