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Love That Boy: What Two Presidents, Eight Road Trips, and My Son Taught Me About a Parent's Expectations
Tyler and I inch toward the Green Room, in line with blow-dried TV anchors and stuffy columnists. He's practicing his handshake and hello: -It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. President. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. President. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. President.- When the couple in front of us steps forward for their picture, my teenager with sky-blue eyes and a soft heart looks up at me and says, -I hope I don't let you down, Dad.-
What kind of father raises a son to worry about embarrassing his dad? I want to tell Tyler not to worry, that he'd never let me down. That there's nothing wrong with being different. That I actually am proud of what makes him special. But we are next in line to meet the president of the United States in a room filled with fellow strivers, and all I can think about is the real possibility that Tyler might embarrass himself. Or, God forbid, me.
LOVE THAT BOY is a uniquely personal story about the causes and costs of outsized parental expectations. What we want for our children--popularity, normalcy, achievement, genius--and what they truly need--grit, empathy, character--are explored by National Journal's Ron Fournier, who weaves his extraordinary journey to acceptance around the latest research on childhood development and stories of other loving-but-struggling parents.
What kind of father raises a son to worry about embarrassing his dad? I want to tell Tyler not to worry, that he'd never let me down. That there's nothing wrong with being different. That I actually am proud of what makes him special. But we are next in line to meet the president of the United States in a room filled with fellow strivers, and all I can think about is the real possibility that Tyler might embarrass himself. Or, God forbid, me.
LOVE THAT BOY is a uniquely personal story about the causes and costs of outsized parental expectations. What we want for our children--popularity, normalcy, achievement, genius--and what they truly need--grit, empathy, character--are explored by National Journal's Ron Fournier, who weaves his extraordinary journey to acceptance around the latest research on childhood development and stories of other loving-but-struggling parents.
240 pages, Paperback
First published April 12, 2016
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June 6, 2016
I have mixed feelings about this book. It was given to me by a very nice friend of mine, and I do appreciate the gesture. Thanks! I read it in one day, so it wasn't a slog. And, a decent chunk of that day I spent icing a banged up knee (and while I was waiting around at the urgent care for said knee), as I am now apparently officially too old and out of shape to go in the bouncy house with my young boys. Totally my fault though, not the boys' that I wiped out and had to limp away from the bouncy castle.
Speaking of the boys, the reason my friend gave me this book is because I have two young sons. My 9 year old is on the autism spectrum (though not Asperger's, like the son in this book) - and my 5 year old son has cystic fibrosis, a life shortening, progressively serious genetic medical condition for which we all endure his treatments multiple times for hours of every day of our lives. Really, it filters how you see everything else in your life, so I might as well put it out there in my review so my complicated thoughts might make a little more sense. Of these two, we see the autism as more "manageable" as it is much less likely to result in our losing a child at a young age, but I know that this perspective is unique, and does not in any way diminish the challenges that our older son (and we as his parents) have every day.
Overall I thought that the stories and thoughts we decent and worth the read. First, I was confused by the title, as this boy has actually met three presidents, not just two, but spent significant time with George W Bush and Bill Clinton, and just went through a handshake line with President Obama, so I'm guessing the "Two Presidents" in the title are the former, not the latter. The stories about the presidents were interesting, but I did wonder throughout the book how exactly that was for and benefitting his son, when the son had clearly expressed that he didn't really have any interest in meeting people, let alone some of the most powerful people in the world. I get that the author had access to these presidents, so why not, but then I also thought, but why? Wouldn't your son much rather have spent some time alone with him, talking about his interests. If he going to take him to meet someone, if his son is like mine, he'd prefer to meet the creators of Minecraft and had the opportunity to ask them to add his unique ideas to the next update (but I think they're Swedish and probably not somebody that this author could just call up). My son would totally love to bend Notch's ear a little.
I get that these presidents are the author's social circle, and that it was an angle to get this book published, as there are hundreds of books on parenting. It was rather annoying to me, as a person from a hometown of 2,000 in the middle of Nowhereville, Wisconsin, to hear all of this annoying "proximity to power" blather. Uuugh. And his idea of "letting go" with his expectations still seemed rather less than free range, as "letting go" is accepting that your child might go to a second tier 4 year college rather than an ivy. That made me gag, as I'd never even heard of the term "ivy league" until after I was in college. Not a concept that warms the cockles of my very Midwest and middle class heart. Moment of parenting honesty - we stopped attempting to save money in college funds for the boys as our family medical expenses are rising much faster every year than my meager pay increases (my husband is a full time stay at home dad), and frankly, we aren't sure either are actually going to attend any college at all. If they do, we'll be very happy for them and help all we can, but honestly for differing reasons, we have no firm expectations of raising college grads. And we're getting to be ok with that.
The emphasis on sports and his son's lack of ability and interest would probably resonate much more with my husband than me, as I've never successfully played any sport (unless reading is a sport, in which case I'm in training to be a world class elite), but it was quite important to my husband growing up, and his whole family. Honestly I'm happy to not spend multiple nights a week and every weekend getting eaten by bugs while watching yet another soccer game. We're trying to be open to other types of activities. This summer both boys are going to try Irish step dancing, as our older boy expressed an interest and the younger one follows along. We shall see how that goes - it's a one week camp, half days. Let's cross our fingers, as they both really need the physical exercise for different reasons too - the older one is battling the weigh gain associated with his meds, and the younger needs all of the cardio to help clear his lungs he can get, but desperately needs to gain weight - we keep it interesting in our house.
This this author's son doesn't have close friends, doesn't like sports, desperately wants to please his parents and not disappoint them, and likes books and videogames. He tends to ramble on obsessively about topics of interest to him. Sounds familiar. My son is more social though and would really like to have friends, but has such a tough time because of his social skills deficit, overpowering desire to set his own rules and insist everyone follow them (and that he win), loves to be read to, but has a harder time actually reading himself, both for his frustration level in sounding out unfamiliar words and also because he really doesn't like the feel of paper against his skin. I know he loves books though, so I read to him every night (all of the Harry Potter series, Lemony Snickett series of unfortunate events, we're reading Narnia now) in hopes that he'll love it so much that he'll decide to do it by himself when I'm not available (maybe some this summer - fingers crossed). He is not content to go read up on his favorite topics by himself though and desires and seeks out an extraordinary level of attention and feedback (moreso than his younger brother) and this gets exhausting. Like the author's wife, my husband is a saint.
Another annoying aspect of the book is the glossed over reference to the parade of specialists and services they received for their son to help him recognize other people's mood and feelings, identify the need for hygiene, etc. What do you even call these services and professionals you accessed, as I'd like to try to google them to see if we could line something up. Let's just say that not every autism diagnosis in America gets the same level of concentrated resources, and no amount of parental advocacy will get a school district to do something they aren't prepared to do when they know they are your only option. We absolutely intend to throw a huge party if our son ever voluntarily agrees to take a shower (and isn't coerced into doing it before I'll agree to read to him at night because the stench is too strong).
I think one of the main points of this book, about Asperger's in particular but about all kids in general, is to accept your kids for who they are and try to meet them where they are. On that front, I think my husband and I are doing decent jobs of it. We try to follow their interests and plan whole family events that we can all enjoy. No-one is forced to do any activities that they particularly don't like, except attend school, as that's required. Our family trips are all within driving distance, hauling our camper, and usually involve the woods or a waterpark. That way we have everything we need for our younger son's respiratory treatments in one place, and we stay to our very programmed evening routines. We avoid places with long lines and huge crowds. If I never give thousands of my hard earned dollars to the famous mouse to stand in long lines, I'll be fine with that. Good days are celebrated. Not so good days are opportunities to find whatever silver lining we can and look forward to starting fresh again. Everyone in my family plays Minecraft, as it is one of our son's favorite things in the world, but only when he has earned time because of good days at school, helping around the house, good behavior in restaurants, etc. And then we play together and I try not to freak out if there is an Enderman - eeeek, an Enderman!
Overall I think it was decent, as the points about letting go your dreams about your child being the genius, popular, superstar, and always happy success, but focusing instead on your child's grit and empathy were all good points. My boys teach us every day how to be thoughtful and empathetic to each other, have each other's backs, cheer each other on. And then they get into battle royale over Legos and who took apart somebody else's something. Because they're brothers. And happy, successful people can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Maybe that is easier to accept that out here in flyover land than in the Beltway, hob-knobbing with the power elite. In that case, I'm once again blessed to be here, with this family. I'm trying to decide whether to encourage my husband to read it or not, and my best pitch so far was this: There is a more flattering portrayal of Bush than there was of Clinton. That's all I got, as I have a feeling that the aspects of this book that I found annoying and pretentious would also irritate him. But who doesn't want to learn some good Teddy Roosevelt and Gerald Ford trivia along the way?
Speaking of the boys, the reason my friend gave me this book is because I have two young sons. My 9 year old is on the autism spectrum (though not Asperger's, like the son in this book) - and my 5 year old son has cystic fibrosis, a life shortening, progressively serious genetic medical condition for which we all endure his treatments multiple times for hours of every day of our lives. Really, it filters how you see everything else in your life, so I might as well put it out there in my review so my complicated thoughts might make a little more sense. Of these two, we see the autism as more "manageable" as it is much less likely to result in our losing a child at a young age, but I know that this perspective is unique, and does not in any way diminish the challenges that our older son (and we as his parents) have every day.
Overall I thought that the stories and thoughts we decent and worth the read. First, I was confused by the title, as this boy has actually met three presidents, not just two, but spent significant time with George W Bush and Bill Clinton, and just went through a handshake line with President Obama, so I'm guessing the "Two Presidents" in the title are the former, not the latter. The stories about the presidents were interesting, but I did wonder throughout the book how exactly that was for and benefitting his son, when the son had clearly expressed that he didn't really have any interest in meeting people, let alone some of the most powerful people in the world. I get that the author had access to these presidents, so why not, but then I also thought, but why? Wouldn't your son much rather have spent some time alone with him, talking about his interests. If he going to take him to meet someone, if his son is like mine, he'd prefer to meet the creators of Minecraft and had the opportunity to ask them to add his unique ideas to the next update (but I think they're Swedish and probably not somebody that this author could just call up). My son would totally love to bend Notch's ear a little.
I get that these presidents are the author's social circle, and that it was an angle to get this book published, as there are hundreds of books on parenting. It was rather annoying to me, as a person from a hometown of 2,000 in the middle of Nowhereville, Wisconsin, to hear all of this annoying "proximity to power" blather. Uuugh. And his idea of "letting go" with his expectations still seemed rather less than free range, as "letting go" is accepting that your child might go to a second tier 4 year college rather than an ivy. That made me gag, as I'd never even heard of the term "ivy league" until after I was in college. Not a concept that warms the cockles of my very Midwest and middle class heart. Moment of parenting honesty - we stopped attempting to save money in college funds for the boys as our family medical expenses are rising much faster every year than my meager pay increases (my husband is a full time stay at home dad), and frankly, we aren't sure either are actually going to attend any college at all. If they do, we'll be very happy for them and help all we can, but honestly for differing reasons, we have no firm expectations of raising college grads. And we're getting to be ok with that.
The emphasis on sports and his son's lack of ability and interest would probably resonate much more with my husband than me, as I've never successfully played any sport (unless reading is a sport, in which case I'm in training to be a world class elite), but it was quite important to my husband growing up, and his whole family. Honestly I'm happy to not spend multiple nights a week and every weekend getting eaten by bugs while watching yet another soccer game. We're trying to be open to other types of activities. This summer both boys are going to try Irish step dancing, as our older boy expressed an interest and the younger one follows along. We shall see how that goes - it's a one week camp, half days. Let's cross our fingers, as they both really need the physical exercise for different reasons too - the older one is battling the weigh gain associated with his meds, and the younger needs all of the cardio to help clear his lungs he can get, but desperately needs to gain weight - we keep it interesting in our house.
This this author's son doesn't have close friends, doesn't like sports, desperately wants to please his parents and not disappoint them, and likes books and videogames. He tends to ramble on obsessively about topics of interest to him. Sounds familiar. My son is more social though and would really like to have friends, but has such a tough time because of his social skills deficit, overpowering desire to set his own rules and insist everyone follow them (and that he win), loves to be read to, but has a harder time actually reading himself, both for his frustration level in sounding out unfamiliar words and also because he really doesn't like the feel of paper against his skin. I know he loves books though, so I read to him every night (all of the Harry Potter series, Lemony Snickett series of unfortunate events, we're reading Narnia now) in hopes that he'll love it so much that he'll decide to do it by himself when I'm not available (maybe some this summer - fingers crossed). He is not content to go read up on his favorite topics by himself though and desires and seeks out an extraordinary level of attention and feedback (moreso than his younger brother) and this gets exhausting. Like the author's wife, my husband is a saint.
Another annoying aspect of the book is the glossed over reference to the parade of specialists and services they received for their son to help him recognize other people's mood and feelings, identify the need for hygiene, etc. What do you even call these services and professionals you accessed, as I'd like to try to google them to see if we could line something up. Let's just say that not every autism diagnosis in America gets the same level of concentrated resources, and no amount of parental advocacy will get a school district to do something they aren't prepared to do when they know they are your only option. We absolutely intend to throw a huge party if our son ever voluntarily agrees to take a shower (and isn't coerced into doing it before I'll agree to read to him at night because the stench is too strong).
I think one of the main points of this book, about Asperger's in particular but about all kids in general, is to accept your kids for who they are and try to meet them where they are. On that front, I think my husband and I are doing decent jobs of it. We try to follow their interests and plan whole family events that we can all enjoy. No-one is forced to do any activities that they particularly don't like, except attend school, as that's required. Our family trips are all within driving distance, hauling our camper, and usually involve the woods or a waterpark. That way we have everything we need for our younger son's respiratory treatments in one place, and we stay to our very programmed evening routines. We avoid places with long lines and huge crowds. If I never give thousands of my hard earned dollars to the famous mouse to stand in long lines, I'll be fine with that. Good days are celebrated. Not so good days are opportunities to find whatever silver lining we can and look forward to starting fresh again. Everyone in my family plays Minecraft, as it is one of our son's favorite things in the world, but only when he has earned time because of good days at school, helping around the house, good behavior in restaurants, etc. And then we play together and I try not to freak out if there is an Enderman - eeeek, an Enderman!
Overall I think it was decent, as the points about letting go your dreams about your child being the genius, popular, superstar, and always happy success, but focusing instead on your child's grit and empathy were all good points. My boys teach us every day how to be thoughtful and empathetic to each other, have each other's backs, cheer each other on. And then they get into battle royale over Legos and who took apart somebody else's something. Because they're brothers. And happy, successful people can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Maybe that is easier to accept that out here in flyover land than in the Beltway, hob-knobbing with the power elite. In that case, I'm once again blessed to be here, with this family. I'm trying to decide whether to encourage my husband to read it or not, and my best pitch so far was this: There is a more flattering portrayal of Bush than there was of Clinton. That's all I got, as I have a feeling that the aspects of this book that I found annoying and pretentious would also irritate him. But who doesn't want to learn some good Teddy Roosevelt and Gerald Ford trivia along the way?
April 11, 2016
As the parent of a child with Asperger's, I found this be to be an honest and accurate account of the pain parents feel when other children and parents don't understand you or your child because they aren't educated about Asperger's and don't understand what you're going through with feelings of sadness for a child who is the sweetest kid but is lonely. I not only thought it was an insightful account of what the child and parent feel, but it discussed more far-reaching aspects of a society that puts too much pressure on children and parents. I was reading it aloud to my one of my children and we had a roaring laugh over the fact that Tyler only ate five foods and what those were.
This is the book I wish I could have read years ago, not only as the parent of a child with Asperger's but as a parent trying have a kid fit into a school setting that wasn't for him, trying herself to fit in, and coping with a lot of fears and concerns the author raises.
This is the book I wish I could have read years ago, not only as the parent of a child with Asperger's but as a parent trying have a kid fit into a school setting that wasn't for him, trying herself to fit in, and coping with a lot of fears and concerns the author raises.
June 20, 2020
This is Nonfiction. The author describes his thoughts and feelings about having a son with autism. That relationship spirals out and touches his other relationships as well. I liked the way he tried to make sense of his own struggles and epiphanies.
This didn't come across as preach-y or superior and for that I'm grateful. He does make some sweeping generalizations about parenting, but it felt honest about where he was at. He started off kind of clueless about parenting because his wife, a stay at home mom, pretty much took care of everything. It took having a son with autism, to reel him into creating a closer and more thoughtful family unit. I like some of the points he made about letting children be happy in the things they find important and not necessarily having the parents push/force them into extracurricular activities and tutoring that is of no interest to the child. I guess I should stop here and apologize to my boys for all the years of violin and piano lessons they had to endure. So 4 stars and I would recommend this to any parent.
This didn't come across as preach-y or superior and for that I'm grateful. He does make some sweeping generalizations about parenting, but it felt honest about where he was at. He started off kind of clueless about parenting because his wife, a stay at home mom, pretty much took care of everything. It took having a son with autism, to reel him into creating a closer and more thoughtful family unit. I like some of the points he made about letting children be happy in the things they find important and not necessarily having the parents push/force them into extracurricular activities and tutoring that is of no interest to the child. I guess I should stop here and apologize to my boys for all the years of violin and piano lessons they had to endure. So 4 stars and I would recommend this to any parent.
August 5, 2016
It looks like I'm already in the minority here. I grappled with how to rate this book for a while, and it finally came down to enjoyability for me.
I loved the concept of this book. Fournier examines a very meaningful topic- parental expectations and how they don't always align with what children truly need to develop. I'm always particularly interested in grit as a character trait and how it correlates to success in life, so the blurb on the back of the book intrigued me.
I did really enjoy the first 2 chapters, but it quickly started to feel disjointed. Transitions between Fournier's personal story, research, and the stories of other parents weren't seamless, which I felt detracted from the story. I was also quite disappointed with the chapter on grit. There's some cool research out there, and I don't feel Fournier touched on this subject as much as I'd hoped.
Overall, this wasn't a bad book; I just didn't fall in love with the story, and I felt like it wasn't as informative as I'd expected.
*I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This in no way affected my opinion of the book, or the content of my review. *
I loved the concept of this book. Fournier examines a very meaningful topic- parental expectations and how they don't always align with what children truly need to develop. I'm always particularly interested in grit as a character trait and how it correlates to success in life, so the blurb on the back of the book intrigued me.
I did really enjoy the first 2 chapters, but it quickly started to feel disjointed. Transitions between Fournier's personal story, research, and the stories of other parents weren't seamless, which I felt detracted from the story. I was also quite disappointed with the chapter on grit. There's some cool research out there, and I don't feel Fournier touched on this subject as much as I'd hoped.
Overall, this wasn't a bad book; I just didn't fall in love with the story, and I felt like it wasn't as informative as I'd expected.
*I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This in no way affected my opinion of the book, or the content of my review. *
June 5, 2016
While touching and honest when recounting moments with his son, it too often veered off into simple overviews of general parenting philosophies. And while the author is obviously a loving, caring father, due to a very traditional parenting structure with his wife as the primary caregiver, he does not seem to have been deeply involved in the difficult decisions leading up to and following their son's diagnosis. I would love to read this same account from his wife's point of view.
September 1, 2019
I really enjoyed Ron Fournier’s memoir regarding his expectations and relationship with his son Tyler. While I’m not a parent of a child with special needs, his insights into parenting are applicable to all parents. His lessons are also valuable to me as a teacher. The presidential history and visits were entertaining and informative.
June 3, 2016
This was a great read and a very thought-provoking book. While I am not the parent of an Aspie, I still related to this book on many levels. Guilt--check; Questioning pretty much every aspect of your parenting style--check; weeping during almost every episode of the TV series Parenthood--check; listening to the lyrics of Simple Plan's "Perfect" and wondering if we put too much pressure on our children to succeed--check. And finally, which I hadn't thought about much before reading Ron's book--are we imposing too much of what WE want for our children, or OUR dreams/ideas onto them and not letting them discover who THEY are?
As a teacher I come across children who are on the autism spectrum each school year. They are very interesting, often quirky individuals whose knowledge of certain topics is amazing and astounding. One former student could recite all the presidents in order, something I certainly can't do!
As a mother I was probably guilty of being too helicopterish. I had specific standards for myself as a parent and wanted to create a happy childhood for my children and protect them against the seedier, grittier parts of life. What parent doesn't question their choices? This book made me think a lot about the kind of mother I was and the kind of mother I am now. I have my own struggles--different from Ron and Lori's, in that my son was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder; so my husband and I are have been thrust into a whole new world which is baffling, and we walk a tightrope of trying to be supportive and parental and also trying to be hopeful yet realistic.
I won my copy of Ron's book here on Goodreads in a giveaway, but was disappointed to discover some pages were missing in two sections. Despite that, I can say that I enjoyed the book immensely--found it very heartfelt, and it made me think about my own parenting and teaching experiences over the years. Tyler teaches us all about self acceptance and appreciating our differences as human beings. While I am planning to read the book again, one without pages missing, I can still give this book the highest rating. Ron is a very talented writer, an interesting person with a fascinating job, and I have no doubt he's a great father. I hope Ron will consider coming to the Detroit area for a book signing.
As a teacher I come across children who are on the autism spectrum each school year. They are very interesting, often quirky individuals whose knowledge of certain topics is amazing and astounding. One former student could recite all the presidents in order, something I certainly can't do!
As a mother I was probably guilty of being too helicopterish. I had specific standards for myself as a parent and wanted to create a happy childhood for my children and protect them against the seedier, grittier parts of life. What parent doesn't question their choices? This book made me think a lot about the kind of mother I was and the kind of mother I am now. I have my own struggles--different from Ron and Lori's, in that my son was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder; so my husband and I are have been thrust into a whole new world which is baffling, and we walk a tightrope of trying to be supportive and parental and also trying to be hopeful yet realistic.
I won my copy of Ron's book here on Goodreads in a giveaway, but was disappointed to discover some pages were missing in two sections. Despite that, I can say that I enjoyed the book immensely--found it very heartfelt, and it made me think about my own parenting and teaching experiences over the years. Tyler teaches us all about self acceptance and appreciating our differences as human beings. While I am planning to read the book again, one without pages missing, I can still give this book the highest rating. Ron is a very talented writer, an interesting person with a fascinating job, and I have no doubt he's a great father. I hope Ron will consider coming to the Detroit area for a book signing.
March 1, 2016
Edit for the moment because what I've written below doesn't display what the essence of what this story is about. I just recommended this book to pretty much everyone and I don't want anyone to think this will be a story which is one of anger. It isn't. The parts in which I've voiced my, not yet finished thoughts, are from a point of view in which I've seen far too much pain from the society we live in through many avenues and perspectives. Through my advocacy and activism. The expectationsare too much, too high and the love, understanding and accepting is too low amd the "seeing the corruption" is too low. Closing our eyes and not taking part in creating the time and loving environment hurts families and most importantly our children. This book is more than worth the read for its touching, eye opening, sweet, tender and loving story which it is. I've cried and I've gotten angry and I want others to go into this with that tenderness and open their hearts to seeing the changes we can all make! Time to 'stop' the rat race and go back to the basics of family. Time to be there, time to help, time to love, time to open eyes and hearts. Far past time.....
Not what I expected and everything so incredible about this book. About father and son, yes, and also about family as a whole, families, families helping others, about our society, government, Pharma, the many sides and causes of all this story is about and ultimately what's right for our kids. Understanding the differences in each and every one of our own as well as others. The complexities and helping them cope, but we've 'got' to pay attention. Even if our kids seem fine, do not expect they are. Open your eyes and be extremely observant because they are worth it and they need us.
They don't need the pressures of our expectations as the parent. They need our acceptance and help regardless of whether they have met a parents wishes. They're their own people and they're all different. My God, the vast emotions which were brought out inside me from this book have left me rambling. I don't want to ramble, I want to express my thoughts on subject matter which has been a passion of mine for over 27 years.
I recommend this book to absolutely everyone! Some of the best lines I read were fairly early on and I already started using some of the lessons learned in this book for my own daughters. My mind has been spinning with how to integrate this books many lessons for them. Such a short and quick read that's so incredibly powerful. I need to come back to clean these thoughts up because this is far too important to leave it as it is. I'm touched, heartbroken, heart warmed, angry, sad, happy, I cried, I smiled, I'm still rambling on a subject in which I've been learning, researching and advocating for others for more than half my life so I'm very frustrated with myself for what I've typed at the moment. I need to gather my thoughts and come back to revise all of this. It's all true, however it needs to be explained better than this.
Those best lines I mentioned above are these:
RE: The first day of school.....
"It is their time to learn. To learn to be their best, not their best imitation of what we want them to be. The next parent who Googles "Is my 2-year-old gifted?" Should get a curt response: "Your 2-year-old is a gift."
I'm welling up with tears again just typing that. As a home-education family for many years and now with the youngest in High School for the first time this year, she struggles and she feels stupid. Not because she can't do it, because I know she can. I've seen her do so much she never thought herself capable of, however these teachers and governmentbullshit no.......bullsh*t is correct, are destroying our kids. Not all, but enough to make these kids feel worthless if they're struggling and have zero compassion to understand. I can't even type anymore on this just yet, I'm fired up and angry. The expectations and the horrible public school system governed and mandated by a corrupt government are killing our kids. Parents whose expectations are too high for what society projects we must be is killing our kids without trying hard enough to truly understand. Open your eyes, read this book and for the Love of God, pay attention to what your kids are saying, even when they're not saying a word.
Beautiful story and I cannot wait to read more from this author! #LoveThatBoy
I cannot leave this review as is, but I'm laying in bed sick. Not one of my good days at all being chronically sick, so please forgive the mess this is. I can and I will write a review that gives this story the justice it deserves. Please excuse all typos, auto corrects, rambling. If I were to type in all the parts I've underlined, bracketed, and written notes next to, than it would be the entire book written in this box, which wouldn't bode well for the author and the publisher so I really need to go back and pull parts I noted as the most important, imho.
Thank you so very much to @penguinrandom #HarmonyBooks @ShelfAwareness and the author Ron Fournier for the gift of this book! One I will hold onto, always and share along for others. Powerful......a #MustRead by all.
Will post links when I return. Just finished this so my head is overwhelmed with emotion. Wonderful, wonderful, powerful, eye opening and touching story!!!
Not what I expected and everything so incredible about this book. About father and son, yes, and also about family as a whole, families, families helping others, about our society, government, Pharma, the many sides and causes of all this story is about and ultimately what's right for our kids. Understanding the differences in each and every one of our own as well as others. The complexities and helping them cope, but we've 'got' to pay attention. Even if our kids seem fine, do not expect they are. Open your eyes and be extremely observant because they are worth it and they need us.
They don't need the pressures of our expectations as the parent. They need our acceptance and help regardless of whether they have met a parents wishes. They're their own people and they're all different. My God, the vast emotions which were brought out inside me from this book have left me rambling. I don't want to ramble, I want to express my thoughts on subject matter which has been a passion of mine for over 27 years.
I recommend this book to absolutely everyone! Some of the best lines I read were fairly early on and I already started using some of the lessons learned in this book for my own daughters. My mind has been spinning with how to integrate this books many lessons for them. Such a short and quick read that's so incredibly powerful. I need to come back to clean these thoughts up because this is far too important to leave it as it is. I'm touched, heartbroken, heart warmed, angry, sad, happy, I cried, I smiled, I'm still rambling on a subject in which I've been learning, researching and advocating for others for more than half my life so I'm very frustrated with myself for what I've typed at the moment. I need to gather my thoughts and come back to revise all of this. It's all true, however it needs to be explained better than this.
Those best lines I mentioned above are these:
RE: The first day of school.....
"It is their time to learn. To learn to be their best, not their best imitation of what we want them to be. The next parent who Googles "Is my 2-year-old gifted?" Should get a curt response: "Your 2-year-old is a gift."
I'm welling up with tears again just typing that. As a home-education family for many years and now with the youngest in High School for the first time this year, she struggles and she feels stupid. Not because she can't do it, because I know she can. I've seen her do so much she never thought herself capable of, however these teachers and government
Beautiful story and I cannot wait to read more from this author! #LoveThatBoy
I cannot leave this review as is, but I'm laying in bed sick. Not one of my good days at all being chronically sick, so please forgive the mess this is. I can and I will write a review that gives this story the justice it deserves. Please excuse all typos, auto corrects, rambling. If I were to type in all the parts I've underlined, bracketed, and written notes next to, than it would be the entire book written in this box, which wouldn't bode well for the author and the publisher so I really need to go back and pull parts I noted as the most important, imho.
Thank you so very much to @penguinrandom #HarmonyBooks @ShelfAwareness and the author Ron Fournier for the gift of this book! One I will hold onto, always and share along for others. Powerful......a #MustRead by all.
Will post links when I return. Just finished this so my head is overwhelmed with emotion. Wonderful, wonderful, powerful, eye opening and touching story!!!
March 16, 2016
A national journalist explores what it means to be the parent of an autistic son. His son Taylor is a bright boy, but tends to focus on only one item at a time, offers monologues rather than conversations, and is struggling in school. At the age of 12, he is finally diagnosed with autism.
In this book, the author, Ron Fournier explores his own feelings about being a parent, talks with other parents, and looks at some of the trends in our society that influence parents to put tremendous pressure on their children to perform from a very early age. He and his son Taylor also visit places associated with US presidents, a topic of interest to Taylor. The idea is that by spending time together, they will learn more about each other.
There's a lot of good information in this book. Fournier is honest about how he had in his head a image of a father-son relationship that didn't suit the actual son he had. An image of bonding over playing and watching sports, as Fournier had done with his own father. Of his son enjoying an easy popularity with friends. Over the course of the book, he explores how these expectations harm his child, and how he learns to love the son he has, not the idealized son he wanted.
There's a lot here that's good, especially if you are interested in the issues of what it means to have a child who is different. Fournier blends personal stories with travel and with various sociological studies in a skillful way. It's a relatively quick and accessible read.
At the end though, I'm not sure how much Fournier has really changed. To be fair, there aren't a lot of specifics I can point to, but given this draws from a series of articles that he wrote, and the story telling imperative of a happy ending is strong in a story like this. But don't let my doubt on that one detail stop you from taking a look at this book.
BTW, the "Love that boy" is a quote from George W Bush, who met Taylor when he was a young boy.
In this book, the author, Ron Fournier explores his own feelings about being a parent, talks with other parents, and looks at some of the trends in our society that influence parents to put tremendous pressure on their children to perform from a very early age. He and his son Taylor also visit places associated with US presidents, a topic of interest to Taylor. The idea is that by spending time together, they will learn more about each other.
There's a lot of good information in this book. Fournier is honest about how he had in his head a image of a father-son relationship that didn't suit the actual son he had. An image of bonding over playing and watching sports, as Fournier had done with his own father. Of his son enjoying an easy popularity with friends. Over the course of the book, he explores how these expectations harm his child, and how he learns to love the son he has, not the idealized son he wanted.
There's a lot here that's good, especially if you are interested in the issues of what it means to have a child who is different. Fournier blends personal stories with travel and with various sociological studies in a skillful way. It's a relatively quick and accessible read.
At the end though, I'm not sure how much Fournier has really changed. To be fair, there aren't a lot of specifics I can point to, but given this draws from a series of articles that he wrote, and the story telling imperative of a happy ending is strong in a story like this. But don't let my doubt on that one detail stop you from taking a look at this book.
BTW, the "Love that boy" is a quote from George W Bush, who met Taylor when he was a young boy.
April 25, 2016
This is a book every parent should read, regardless of how young or old your children are. It shares a refreshingly (and often painfully) honest perspective of what it is like to parent a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. Yet, it really speaks to parenting any child, addresses the expectations and dreams we have as parents, and acknowledges the guilt many of us feel when things don’t turn out as we’d hoped.
The book is easy to read -- well-written, thoroughly-researched, and packed with relatable anecdotes from the author and the dozens of parents and experts he interviewed for the work (as well as a few gems from Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush). It helped me to understand some of the emotions I’ve experienced through the years, helped me to know I’m not the only person who has felt this way, and encouraged me to let go of both the guilt and the expectations.
It was an inspiring and enjoyable read all around. I would actually recommend it to anyone who has felt the pressure of family expectations, as a mother or father, daughter or son. Ultimately, the book is about family and unconditional love, and about understanding that each of us must find our own path to happiness.
The book is easy to read -- well-written, thoroughly-researched, and packed with relatable anecdotes from the author and the dozens of parents and experts he interviewed for the work (as well as a few gems from Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush). It helped me to understand some of the emotions I’ve experienced through the years, helped me to know I’m not the only person who has felt this way, and encouraged me to let go of both the guilt and the expectations.
It was an inspiring and enjoyable read all around. I would actually recommend it to anyone who has felt the pressure of family expectations, as a mother or father, daughter or son. Ultimately, the book is about family and unconditional love, and about understanding that each of us must find our own path to happiness.
July 2, 2016
I requested and received this ARC from Shelf Awareness. Ron Fournier has written a wonderful and helpful memoir of coming to terms with his son's diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. Through a series of road trips, he learns to parent his son on his son's terms instead of his own. While my son was diagnosed much sooner and has had a different path than Ron's son Tyler, many parts of the book reiterated what I knew and had experienced. It was a quick read, but well-written and very worthwhile for parents and other family members of children and adults with Asperger's syndrome.
February 20, 2016
Ron Fournier has done a splendid job of telling the heartbreaking but inspiring story of dealing with his son's Asperger syndrome. If you have ever been annoyed by the actions of a special child, you really should read this book. It will open your eyes to a completely different world. He also makes the important point that parents tend to expect great things from their children and should just let the child become what HE wants to be.
July 15, 2016
I really loved this book and flew through it. A great read for anyone struggling with trying to raise a happy child. Take note of the true definition of happiness in the book. Any parent who says he or she doesn't see themself in the parents described is fooling themselves...but it provides a great reminder of what is truly important in today's hyper competitive gotta get my kid ahead world which frankly, can be exhausting and ultimately may do more harm than good. A great message.
April 17, 2016
Intended to uplift but ultimately unsatisfying. This celebration of dad's recalibration of work and family after his son's diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome rests on a scaffold of upper class access to educational and support services and acknowledged but largely unexamined years of maternal care.
April 29, 2017
Ron Fournier is the former Washington Bureau Chief of the Associated Press and began his career as a journalist covering the Arkansas state legislature and then-governor Bill Clinton. When Clinton was elected president, Fournier and his family moved to Washington, D.C., where he covered the White House for a number of years.
As with any parent successful in his or her career, Fournier was away from his wife and children a great deal and realized he had missed out on connecting with them during their formative years, especially his son Tyler, who was diagnosed with Asperger's as a pre-teen. When Fournier transitioned into a less demanding position with the National Journal, freeing up his time, his wife Lori suggested he take Tyler on a series of trips in order to bond with and get to know his son, and perhaps teach him some fundamentals of human engagement and interaction that are difficult for Aspies. In the process, Ron learns even more valuable life lessons from Tyler than he is seeking to impart. Love That Boy, a title from a statement by George W. Bush to Fournier, is Ron's memoir of those road trips.
Each chapter focuses on a particular trip or visit. Fournier introduces Tyler to Presidents Bush and Clinton and also takes him to various historic sites, such as Thomas Jefferson's Monticello residence and a Teddy Roosevelt museum. Ron tries to draw Tyler out from his inner world, asking him pointed questions about his particular insights and responses. He also gently admonishes Tyler about proper decorum and custom in his interactions. In their various experiences, Ron is continually surprised by Tyler's unique reactions and thoughts, as well as frustrated when Tyler fails to engage as Ron had hoped. At times, Tyler's behavior is nerve-wracking, particularly when speaking to former presidents Bush and Clinton, but both presidents are keenly interested in Tyler--his interests, his mannerisms, and his encyclopedic and photographic knowledge of American history. As they're saying goodbye, Bush looks Ron in the eye and says, "Love that boy," an admonishment that takes on significant resonance as the book develops.
Fournier intersperses important social commentary on child-raising throughout. He interviews other parents of children on the autism spectrum, as well as parents of "neurotypicals," studying the expectations we have of our children and whether we are seeking to mold our children into our own image or allow them to be their own idealized selves. He also discusses the idea that we all have an inner Aspie, that we are all neurodivergent in our way and that human progress and achievement are built on neurodiversity.
My wife and I often wonder if one of our children is on the spectrum. As with others we know, he often has a very singular drive and focus. We will send him to his room to get dressed in the morning, and half an hour later, he's still back there. He has forgotten why he went because something else was on his mind, an idea that had so entranced him that he could think of nothing else. This sense of focus is often a strength. When Diana reads to him and asks him to narrate the story back to her, his ability far exceeds his brother's. He'll often stick with a complicated Lego kit until its done. We have to physically remove him from the project just to make him take a bathroom break. Fournier says that Tyler sometimes staves off genuine two-way human interaction with constant joking and humor, and our son can often keep a joke running well past its due. One of his favorites is never to respond in kind when I give him a five or a fist bump. I hold out my hand for a five--he bumps it. I hold out my fist--he slaps it with a five. Sometimes he just head-butts my hand. Tyler can be enormously sweet; so can our son. He's a joy and a wonder to behold, as Ron ultimately finds with Tyler. However, he does not suffer crowds very easily. When the room is too loud or too full of new people, he retreats within himself. He'll have us hold him and bury his face in our shoulders, refusing to meet and talk to people we try to introduce him to. In the past, we've rolled our eyes and sighed apologetically to our friends and family for this. Now, I think I'm going to make allowances for it. It's an opportunity to explain to people something special about his personality, that this apparent social faux pas indicates some deep giftings within.
Sure, his mannerisms exasperate us, but his focus and discipline in certain tasks are so impressive and praiseworthy that we have to watch that we don't favor him too much. He's a little daredevil, too, injuring himself often from an ill-advised climb or stunt, and his recovery is remarkable. A couple of months ago, he was climbing the rail of our wheelchair ramp. He lost his footing and fell from a good height to the concrete driveway, face-first. I arrived shortly after this happened to hear him wailing, bandages freshly applied to his wounds. About an hour after the incident, he was ready to go back at it and try to conquer the stunt once again. I see great things for this child--provided he survives.
I'm deeply intrigued by him. He is so much not like us. I don't know where he came from. He has startlingly beautiful red hair, to boot. If he does have Asperger's, then I'm not convinced that is a syndrome, disability, or inability of any sort but a precious gift from God. I'm thankful this book sparked a deeper appreciation for his uniqueness, but it also calls us to celebrate our more "normal" children and deeply examine our expectations, like the unfair expectations I've burdened my oldest with. He has interests that I cannot understand (nor see the use of), but I should be proud that he is passionate, about a great many things, and seek how to connect with him where his interests lie. This is how we best steward our children and release them to make a difference in the world.
Rating: 4/5
As with any parent successful in his or her career, Fournier was away from his wife and children a great deal and realized he had missed out on connecting with them during their formative years, especially his son Tyler, who was diagnosed with Asperger's as a pre-teen. When Fournier transitioned into a less demanding position with the National Journal, freeing up his time, his wife Lori suggested he take Tyler on a series of trips in order to bond with and get to know his son, and perhaps teach him some fundamentals of human engagement and interaction that are difficult for Aspies. In the process, Ron learns even more valuable life lessons from Tyler than he is seeking to impart. Love That Boy, a title from a statement by George W. Bush to Fournier, is Ron's memoir of those road trips.
Each chapter focuses on a particular trip or visit. Fournier introduces Tyler to Presidents Bush and Clinton and also takes him to various historic sites, such as Thomas Jefferson's Monticello residence and a Teddy Roosevelt museum. Ron tries to draw Tyler out from his inner world, asking him pointed questions about his particular insights and responses. He also gently admonishes Tyler about proper decorum and custom in his interactions. In their various experiences, Ron is continually surprised by Tyler's unique reactions and thoughts, as well as frustrated when Tyler fails to engage as Ron had hoped. At times, Tyler's behavior is nerve-wracking, particularly when speaking to former presidents Bush and Clinton, but both presidents are keenly interested in Tyler--his interests, his mannerisms, and his encyclopedic and photographic knowledge of American history. As they're saying goodbye, Bush looks Ron in the eye and says, "Love that boy," an admonishment that takes on significant resonance as the book develops.
Fournier intersperses important social commentary on child-raising throughout. He interviews other parents of children on the autism spectrum, as well as parents of "neurotypicals," studying the expectations we have of our children and whether we are seeking to mold our children into our own image or allow them to be their own idealized selves. He also discusses the idea that we all have an inner Aspie, that we are all neurodivergent in our way and that human progress and achievement are built on neurodiversity.
My wife and I often wonder if one of our children is on the spectrum. As with others we know, he often has a very singular drive and focus. We will send him to his room to get dressed in the morning, and half an hour later, he's still back there. He has forgotten why he went because something else was on his mind, an idea that had so entranced him that he could think of nothing else. This sense of focus is often a strength. When Diana reads to him and asks him to narrate the story back to her, his ability far exceeds his brother's. He'll often stick with a complicated Lego kit until its done. We have to physically remove him from the project just to make him take a bathroom break. Fournier says that Tyler sometimes staves off genuine two-way human interaction with constant joking and humor, and our son can often keep a joke running well past its due. One of his favorites is never to respond in kind when I give him a five or a fist bump. I hold out my hand for a five--he bumps it. I hold out my fist--he slaps it with a five. Sometimes he just head-butts my hand. Tyler can be enormously sweet; so can our son. He's a joy and a wonder to behold, as Ron ultimately finds with Tyler. However, he does not suffer crowds very easily. When the room is too loud or too full of new people, he retreats within himself. He'll have us hold him and bury his face in our shoulders, refusing to meet and talk to people we try to introduce him to. In the past, we've rolled our eyes and sighed apologetically to our friends and family for this. Now, I think I'm going to make allowances for it. It's an opportunity to explain to people something special about his personality, that this apparent social faux pas indicates some deep giftings within.
Sure, his mannerisms exasperate us, but his focus and discipline in certain tasks are so impressive and praiseworthy that we have to watch that we don't favor him too much. He's a little daredevil, too, injuring himself often from an ill-advised climb or stunt, and his recovery is remarkable. A couple of months ago, he was climbing the rail of our wheelchair ramp. He lost his footing and fell from a good height to the concrete driveway, face-first. I arrived shortly after this happened to hear him wailing, bandages freshly applied to his wounds. About an hour after the incident, he was ready to go back at it and try to conquer the stunt once again. I see great things for this child--provided he survives.
I'm deeply intrigued by him. He is so much not like us. I don't know where he came from. He has startlingly beautiful red hair, to boot. If he does have Asperger's, then I'm not convinced that is a syndrome, disability, or inability of any sort but a precious gift from God. I'm thankful this book sparked a deeper appreciation for his uniqueness, but it also calls us to celebrate our more "normal" children and deeply examine our expectations, like the unfair expectations I've burdened my oldest with. He has interests that I cannot understand (nor see the use of), but I should be proud that he is passionate, about a great many things, and seek how to connect with him where his interests lie. This is how we best steward our children and release them to make a difference in the world.
Rating: 4/5
October 18, 2016
This book was fine, but not what I expected. I wish it had focused more on his relationship with his son, and provided insight into managing expectations. It turned out to be more of a general parenting book, talking about the pressures on kids these days in the academic, social, and athletic realms, and how that's hurting families. The first part is sort of a sampler of current parenting philosophy, so that's useful if you aren't familiar with these ideas. The second part described his visits with Presidents Clinton and Bush, but veered into cliche territory along the lines of "special needs kids are a gift to be celebrated" and "I have so much to learn from my son's uniqueness!" I started shaking my head around the time the author voiced his suspicion that Bill Clinton himself shares some Aspergers traits (he dominated the conversation!) and unfortunately found not too much unique insight.
April 11, 2018
I picked this one up to gain a better understanding of Asperger's Syndrome. This gives glimpses of what it is like to deal with a diagnosis and teaching social skills, but it doesn't delve deep enough.
Fournier has focused his information around a road trip he takes with his son in an effort to better understand how to relate to his new reality. I can definitely understand the road trip, but the narrative feels disjointed when it is interspersed with visits with former presidents and interviews with other parents.
There is information that is valuable, but it feels like a long magazine article rather than a book (and this makes sense as Fournier is a journalist).
Fournier has focused his information around a road trip he takes with his son in an effort to better understand how to relate to his new reality. I can definitely understand the road trip, but the narrative feels disjointed when it is interspersed with visits with former presidents and interviews with other parents.
There is information that is valuable, but it feels like a long magazine article rather than a book (and this makes sense as Fournier is a journalist).
June 28, 2016
I guess I was expecting this book to be much more about the journeys themselves and not so much about the author's general feelings on parenting. There was a lot about what he and other parents have done wrong in terms of parenting in general - not so much on how he actually connected and built a relationship with his son. From his perspective, his son was diagnosed with Asperger's, his wife went about handing things with school and therapy, and he took these trips to help him learn to accept his son. And things are much better now. It just wasn't enough for me.
March 6, 2016
A touching and inspirational book. Provides great insight into a world I knew very little about. Enjoyed from start to finish. Very fun and entertaining. Highly recommend. I won this book on Goodreads.
March 8, 2016
I got this from a goodreads.com giveaway and I loved reading it. I really liked how he mixed in research in a way was easy to read and understand. It's not heavy on preachy advice either. It feels more like sharing information between friends.
May 29, 2016
A book every parent should read.
July 30, 2016
An outstanding work. Well-written. Great advice for parents, Dads especially.
August 14, 2022
Calling high-functioning autism “Asperger’s” and calling those who have it “Aspies” widely stopped in 2013. I Googled it (https://www.fatherly.com/health/asper...) because I was pretty sure it had stopped being used but I wanted to see what year. This book was published in 2016… I don’t know if it’s considered offensive and I certainly don’t have the right to feel any which way toward it but it felt…off. BUT Hans Asperger was a Nazi sympathizer so when that came out, I believe that's when doctors started distancing high-functioning autism from calling it "Asperger's."
I am not a parent. I am not a person with autism. But I got angry at the author many times and I guess parents in general? Stop having kids to "fix" YOUR childhood. Stop pressuring kids to do what YOU want them to do. Let them fall. Let them get hurt (they need scraped knees and elbows). Let them fail. This is how I feel and I do not have children. This is how my partner feels as well. This is not something that I feel we would all of a sudden go 180 on if we had a child. I feel like millennials would parent a child with autism better than Ron Fournier's generation.
This was my first-ever BOTM choice. I don't know why I chose it. lol. But I finally read it and I can finally donate it.
I am not a parent. I am not a person with autism. But I got angry at the author many times and I guess parents in general? Stop having kids to "fix" YOUR childhood. Stop pressuring kids to do what YOU want them to do. Let them fall. Let them get hurt (they need scraped knees and elbows). Let them fail. This is how I feel and I do not have children. This is how my partner feels as well. This is not something that I feel we would all of a sudden go 180 on if we had a child. I feel like millennials would parent a child with autism better than Ron Fournier's generation.
This was my first-ever BOTM choice. I don't know why I chose it. lol. But I finally read it and I can finally donate it.
August 13, 2023
Centered around a father’s expectations for his son, who is diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 12, the author “says things out loud” that most parents (including myself) probably also think, but would be afraid to admit.
I “dog-eared” so many pages that I don’t even know which little piece to share, but I’ll go with this from the introduction…
“A parent’s love is unconditional. A parent’s satisfaction comes with caveats. This is an important distinction: You LOVE your kids no matter what, but you EXPECT them to be something-smart or popular or successful, maybe a scholarship athlete who marries well and runs the family business. These expectations are often older than the kids they define.”
Read about how this father learns to “love that boy” (advice from George W Bush) for who he truly is, despite having to let go of some of the expectations he had for him. ❤️❤️❤️
I “dog-eared” so many pages that I don’t even know which little piece to share, but I’ll go with this from the introduction…
“A parent’s love is unconditional. A parent’s satisfaction comes with caveats. This is an important distinction: You LOVE your kids no matter what, but you EXPECT them to be something-smart or popular or successful, maybe a scholarship athlete who marries well and runs the family business. These expectations are often older than the kids they define.”
Read about how this father learns to “love that boy” (advice from George W Bush) for who he truly is, despite having to let go of some of the expectations he had for him. ❤️❤️❤️
July 28, 2016
Not going to lie, this is not a book I would have sought out on my own. I wanted to choose it, however, (not only because I already read my top book choice on the panel) but because I thought this was a good opportunity to step outside my comfort zone. Love That Boy is about a father who takes his son, Tyler, on a series of road trips to meet presidents and visit presidential libraries as a bonding and learning experience. The learning experience aspect was more for the father than the son though, because it was an attempt to learn more about coping with Tyler’s recently diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome (also known as high-functioning Autism). Fournier previously worked as a journalist who traveled with several presidents, so he was lucky enough to have the capability to plan such trips. He wanted to do something that he knew his son would be responsive to (he loves history and presidents) to show that he not only cared about his son’s interests, but that he wanted to make him happy and learn from him.
Now this sounds, from the title, that it would be a book targeted towards parents, but it is actually good for those without children too. I do not have kids, nor do I want any, yet the book still affected me. Fournier opens the book by discussing many of the unrealistic expectations and pressures that parents put on children and the hopes each mother and/or father has that their child will be “perfect”. He is not saying every parent does this, but many do, and it is was he did with each of his children. As Tyler started to grow, they noticed something was different about him. He was incredibly smart and perceptive but also not good in social situations, he could not gauge other people’s emotions and seemed to speak out and say the wrong things at the very wrong times (all signs of Asperger’s). By the time he was diagnosed as having the syndrome he was eleven years old, and his parents realized they needed to start understanding him and his expectations instead of focusing on their own.
Love That Boy is incredibly well-written and very informative. It gives a concise explanation of what Asperger’s is and what it is like for both those suffering from it and their loved ones. The book also includes background and statistics on children’s education and mental health trends, and information on schooling systems in general. On a personal level for Fournier, the book details his journey to understand his son and accept him for who he is. It is very clinical and explanatory but I just found myself wishing for more detailed accounts from the father/son experiences as they did each of their road trips. What was included about their meetings with certain presidents though was very interesting and entertaining, and I found those moments to be some of my favorite parts and would have enjoyed more.
What this book did most for me was it made me really think about my childhood and my parents, and wonder for the first time what their expectations of me were. It also made me realize that I was fortunate enough to have parents who did not force me or my sister to play sports against our will, or dance if we didn’t want to, or decide what colleges they wanted us to attend or what careers they wanted us to pursue. I remember my parents encouraged me to try new things, but did not push me too hard if I was unwilling, and listened to what MY interests and desires were and encouraged me to follow my own heart and mind. This book left me wanting to hug my parents and thank them, and also curious as to what they had hoped for me when I was young (maybe one day I will even ask about that). So I thank Ron Fournier for opening my eyes to this.
Overall I really enjoyed Love That Boy a lot and I am so happy I chose it. It was a fast and informative read and also quite emotional. Fournier does many things in this book. Not only does he educate the reader on Asperger’s but he also sparks thought on our education system, core curriculum, parent and child expectations, empathy, and that quite often it is the parents who end up learning from their children.
Now this sounds, from the title, that it would be a book targeted towards parents, but it is actually good for those without children too. I do not have kids, nor do I want any, yet the book still affected me. Fournier opens the book by discussing many of the unrealistic expectations and pressures that parents put on children and the hopes each mother and/or father has that their child will be “perfect”. He is not saying every parent does this, but many do, and it is was he did with each of his children. As Tyler started to grow, they noticed something was different about him. He was incredibly smart and perceptive but also not good in social situations, he could not gauge other people’s emotions and seemed to speak out and say the wrong things at the very wrong times (all signs of Asperger’s). By the time he was diagnosed as having the syndrome he was eleven years old, and his parents realized they needed to start understanding him and his expectations instead of focusing on their own.
Love That Boy is incredibly well-written and very informative. It gives a concise explanation of what Asperger’s is and what it is like for both those suffering from it and their loved ones. The book also includes background and statistics on children’s education and mental health trends, and information on schooling systems in general. On a personal level for Fournier, the book details his journey to understand his son and accept him for who he is. It is very clinical and explanatory but I just found myself wishing for more detailed accounts from the father/son experiences as they did each of their road trips. What was included about their meetings with certain presidents though was very interesting and entertaining, and I found those moments to be some of my favorite parts and would have enjoyed more.
What this book did most for me was it made me really think about my childhood and my parents, and wonder for the first time what their expectations of me were. It also made me realize that I was fortunate enough to have parents who did not force me or my sister to play sports against our will, or dance if we didn’t want to, or decide what colleges they wanted us to attend or what careers they wanted us to pursue. I remember my parents encouraged me to try new things, but did not push me too hard if I was unwilling, and listened to what MY interests and desires were and encouraged me to follow my own heart and mind. This book left me wanting to hug my parents and thank them, and also curious as to what they had hoped for me when I was young (maybe one day I will even ask about that). So I thank Ron Fournier for opening my eyes to this.
Overall I really enjoyed Love That Boy a lot and I am so happy I chose it. It was a fast and informative read and also quite emotional. Fournier does many things in this book. Not only does he educate the reader on Asperger’s but he also sparks thought on our education system, core curriculum, parent and child expectations, empathy, and that quite often it is the parents who end up learning from their children.
May 7, 2016
The goal is to help your child do the hard things "because I want to," rather than "because I've got to.” -- Ron Fournier, Love That Boy, p.132
Knowing a number of people with Asperger Syndrome, I found this true story of a father's journey of bonding and acceptance of his autistic son to be heartwarming and insightful. Ron Fournier's career as a journalist often resulted in him not spending enough time with his wife and children. After Tyler, his twelve year old son, was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, it was time for more father/son time to bond with Tyler and to confront Ron's expectations of his son and what it really means to be a father. This is done by way of a number of father/son road trips, Tyler's personal meetings with two former U.S. Presidents, and a number of anecdotes from others on the challenges of parenting.
For those readers that want to get a glimpse into the world of an Aspie, you will find the book captivating and insightful. Just keep in mind that there is no such thing as a "typical" Aspie. As Tyler said himself, "If you meet one Aspie, you've met one Aspie."
The book has much more to offer than insights into someone with Asperger Syndrome. Tyler is clearly the star of the book, but he is the vehicle for his dad and the reader to gain understanding about happiness, the burdens and expectations that parents place on their children, and what happens when a child doesn't or cannot meet parental expectations.
4.5 out of 5 -- This book is relevant for all parents. Recommended.
Knowing a number of people with Asperger Syndrome, I found this true story of a father's journey of bonding and acceptance of his autistic son to be heartwarming and insightful. Ron Fournier's career as a journalist often resulted in him not spending enough time with his wife and children. After Tyler, his twelve year old son, was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, it was time for more father/son time to bond with Tyler and to confront Ron's expectations of his son and what it really means to be a father. This is done by way of a number of father/son road trips, Tyler's personal meetings with two former U.S. Presidents, and a number of anecdotes from others on the challenges of parenting.
For those readers that want to get a glimpse into the world of an Aspie, you will find the book captivating and insightful. Just keep in mind that there is no such thing as a "typical" Aspie. As Tyler said himself, "If you meet one Aspie, you've met one Aspie."
The book has much more to offer than insights into someone with Asperger Syndrome. Tyler is clearly the star of the book, but he is the vehicle for his dad and the reader to gain understanding about happiness, the burdens and expectations that parents place on their children, and what happens when a child doesn't or cannot meet parental expectations.
4.5 out of 5 -- This book is relevant for all parents. Recommended.
June 6, 2016
I wanted to love this book, but I found myself getting frustrated page by page. I respect the author's honesty, but I don't believe that his view of parents is necessarily typical.
A quote: "Our neighborhood in suburban Washington is a cradle of type A parents - affluent, mostly white social climbers who want the 'right kids' at their kids' birthday parties."
Wow. It's never crossed my mind that there are right kids and wrong kids. He wanted his kids to be like him and tells us that we all need to learn to let them be themselves.
I'm sure there are many parents that can relate to him...I'm just not one of them. My kid is very different than me. I've never pushed her to love what I love. My job is to learn who she is and guide her towards her strengths.
I'm sad that it took this dad so long to learn these things, but grateful that he is learning and that he could be so open in his book.
On the positive side, I think this is a good book to read if you have a child recently diagnosed with aspergers.
A quote: "Our neighborhood in suburban Washington is a cradle of type A parents - affluent, mostly white social climbers who want the 'right kids' at their kids' birthday parties."
Wow. It's never crossed my mind that there are right kids and wrong kids. He wanted his kids to be like him and tells us that we all need to learn to let them be themselves.
I'm sure there are many parents that can relate to him...I'm just not one of them. My kid is very different than me. I've never pushed her to love what I love. My job is to learn who she is and guide her towards her strengths.
I'm sad that it took this dad so long to learn these things, but grateful that he is learning and that he could be so open in his book.
On the positive side, I think this is a good book to read if you have a child recently diagnosed with aspergers.
February 1, 2025
Do not be fooled into thinking that this book is only meant for parents of children on the spectrum. I have several friends with children on the spectrum, and I can only imagine how challenging some of those hurdles can be. Being a parent is difficult enough. Ron Fournier has some brilliant insights into how to manage your expectations for your children, and how to allow them to discover for themselves the things that they are passionate about. That's not to say that he's preachy or that he pretends to be a perfect parent. Far from it. Most of the advice he has to give comes from lessons learned through failure, which is honestly how most of the good parents I know do it. Honestly this book was about so much more than father-son bonding or parenting a child on the spectrum. I recommend this book to everyone who has ever met a child. So basically everyone.
I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
April 22, 2016
This book wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. The book was more about general parenting and less about parenting from the perspective of a father with an autistic child. Fournier bases his book on a trip he takes with his autistic son, but doesn't get into the meat of parenting a child with autism until the end of the book. It is the end of the book for which Fournier deserves my most praise. Fournier holds fast (as do I) to the belief that autism contributes to neurodiversity, meaning those with autism contribute significant strengths to our world, rather than only being considered people who have a negative syndrome. Fournier also includes a list of positive attributes held by most people with Asperger's. By turning what some would consider negative to positive and desirable characteristics, we can all work to better appreciate and love those in our lives who have Asperger's.
June 1, 2016
In "Love that Boy," journalist Ron Fournier tells the story of his son Tyler, who has Asperger’s. With an extraordinary amount of parental support (and the best schools that money can buy), Tyler metamorphs from a shy awkward boy to one who is capable (if not comfortable) in social situations, and who is on his way to becoming an independent adult. His father tells the story through totally loving and often tear-filled eyes, and I fell head over heels in love with Tyler, as he meets Presidents, tells his first joke, and learns to look people in the eye. Sometimes Fournier drifts off into suggestions about child-raising, and they were all true, if a bit preachy and cliché-ical. But when he stayed on point and told “Tyler stories,” I was bewitched into the mothering parental mode. Fournier is, after all, what most of us are: loving, doting, as conscientious as we can possibly be, parents. Tyler is my new hero.
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