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Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever
Joel Derfner is gayer than you.
Don’t feel too bad about it, though, because he has made being gayer than you his life’s work. At summer day camp, when he was six, Derfner tried to sign up for needlepoint and flower arranging, but the camp counselors wouldn’t let him, because, they said, those activities were for girls only. Derfner, just to be contrary, embarked that very day on a solemn and sacred to become the gayest person ever. Along the way he has become a fierce knitter, an even fiercer musical theater composer, and so totally the fiercest step aerobics instructor (just ask him—he’ll tell you himself).
In Swish , Derfner takes his readers on a flamboyant adventure along the glitter-strewn road from fabulous to divine. Whether he’s confronting the demons of his past at a GLBT summer camp, using the Internet to “meet” men—many, many men—or plunging headfirst (and nearly naked) into the shady world of go-go dancing, he reveals himself with every gayer-than-thou flourish to be not just a stylish explorer but also a fearless one. So fearless, in fact, that when he sneaks into a conference for people who want to cure themselves of their homosexuality, he turns the experience into one of the most fascinating, deeply moving chapters of the book. Derfner, like King Arthur, Christopher Columbus, and Indiana Jones—but with a better haircut and a much deeper commitment to fad diets—is a hero destined for legend.
Written with wicked humor and keen insight, Swish is at once a hilarious look at contemporary ideas about gay culture and a poignant exploration of identity that will speak to all readers—gay, straight, and in between.
Don’t feel too bad about it, though, because he has made being gayer than you his life’s work. At summer day camp, when he was six, Derfner tried to sign up for needlepoint and flower arranging, but the camp counselors wouldn’t let him, because, they said, those activities were for girls only. Derfner, just to be contrary, embarked that very day on a solemn and sacred to become the gayest person ever. Along the way he has become a fierce knitter, an even fiercer musical theater composer, and so totally the fiercest step aerobics instructor (just ask him—he’ll tell you himself).
In Swish , Derfner takes his readers on a flamboyant adventure along the glitter-strewn road from fabulous to divine. Whether he’s confronting the demons of his past at a GLBT summer camp, using the Internet to “meet” men—many, many men—or plunging headfirst (and nearly naked) into the shady world of go-go dancing, he reveals himself with every gayer-than-thou flourish to be not just a stylish explorer but also a fearless one. So fearless, in fact, that when he sneaks into a conference for people who want to cure themselves of their homosexuality, he turns the experience into one of the most fascinating, deeply moving chapters of the book. Derfner, like King Arthur, Christopher Columbus, and Indiana Jones—but with a better haircut and a much deeper commitment to fad diets—is a hero destined for legend.
Written with wicked humor and keen insight, Swish is at once a hilarious look at contemporary ideas about gay culture and a poignant exploration of identity that will speak to all readers—gay, straight, and in between.
255 pages, Hardcover
First published May 13, 2008
21 people are currently reading
1627 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 141 reviews
April 28, 2014
I sobbed, I laughed, I couldn't put the book down. Only a poet could combine orgies, go-go dancing, and Nazi death camps. God, that makes it sound terrible and exploitative and horrendous, but it's not. It's charming and hopeful and entirely about the tender human spirit.
All my friends: read this book.
All my friends: read this book.
July 2, 2009
Let’s admit it: a part of gay life—especially of stereotypically gay culture—is so moronic that it’s inadvertently hilarious.
We can find a few easy examples. On sexual conquests: when one considers the momentary pleasure of the actual orgasm, the drive to sleep with absolutely everyone just seems stupid. On dizzy queens: we all personally know at least one wisp of a thing who can name every guest star on Facts of Life but cannot hold onto a job at the mall for more than a few days. Yes, the culturally gay obsessions with clubs and clothes and music, with style and abs and obscure facts, can be supremely goofy.
In other words, gay people and our trivial pursuits certainly puts the “sissy” in Sisyphus, the Greek man pushing the same pointless boulder up the same steep but senseless hill for eternity.
Harvard grad and musical theatre nerd Joel Derfner has assigned himself the task of becoming the “Gayest Person Ever!” He writes about his experiences in Swish, a biography of short stories that’s often trite and cliché on purpose. All this ridiculousness is also flamingly funny. In the already crowded pantheon of pansy authors, Derfner one-ups many other queer memoirists by simply “out-gaying” them.
Derfner becomes a male cheerleader, and then he becomes a manwhore. For a short time, he’s a fey disappointment of a son, then he takes a turn as a go-go boy. In all of this, Derfner can find the snappy turn of phrase for each passing phase he puts himself through. He writes with a bitingly judgmental and erudite style, but he also lets his readers in on the joke.
However, Derfner is more than just witty with the written word. He not only describes his transformation from opera buff to Broadway queen, but he shares with us the wonder and magic of it, so that we catch a bit of the thrill. While he’s telling us about his obsession with knitting, he also shows us a small window into his heartbreaking relationship with his dying mother. In the latter half of the book, Derfner meets some people struggling to cure themselves of homosexuality, and despite the author’s earlier ability to judge just about everyone, he find the humanity and beauty here in these desperate people.
That’s the thing about stereotypes that Derfner seems to know. There is a tiny seed of it that is based in truth. Yes, part of what makes us gay—at least culturally—are the unimportant things we obsess about, the very things that get us pigeonholed as a “silly fags.” But underneath those labels are deeper truths about more complex and interesting persons; we all know this, but it’s nice to be reminded from time to time.
That’s not to say that Swish is the absolutely best book ever written. Seriously, part of Derfner’s goal here is to be fluffy, harebrained and unimportant. In the most frivolous sense, this side-splitting and self-obsessed book is an absolutely FABULOUS summer read (and I mean that in the gayest way possible)!
We can find a few easy examples. On sexual conquests: when one considers the momentary pleasure of the actual orgasm, the drive to sleep with absolutely everyone just seems stupid. On dizzy queens: we all personally know at least one wisp of a thing who can name every guest star on Facts of Life but cannot hold onto a job at the mall for more than a few days. Yes, the culturally gay obsessions with clubs and clothes and music, with style and abs and obscure facts, can be supremely goofy.
In other words, gay people and our trivial pursuits certainly puts the “sissy” in Sisyphus, the Greek man pushing the same pointless boulder up the same steep but senseless hill for eternity.
Harvard grad and musical theatre nerd Joel Derfner has assigned himself the task of becoming the “Gayest Person Ever!” He writes about his experiences in Swish, a biography of short stories that’s often trite and cliché on purpose. All this ridiculousness is also flamingly funny. In the already crowded pantheon of pansy authors, Derfner one-ups many other queer memoirists by simply “out-gaying” them.
Derfner becomes a male cheerleader, and then he becomes a manwhore. For a short time, he’s a fey disappointment of a son, then he takes a turn as a go-go boy. In all of this, Derfner can find the snappy turn of phrase for each passing phase he puts himself through. He writes with a bitingly judgmental and erudite style, but he also lets his readers in on the joke.
However, Derfner is more than just witty with the written word. He not only describes his transformation from opera buff to Broadway queen, but he shares with us the wonder and magic of it, so that we catch a bit of the thrill. While he’s telling us about his obsession with knitting, he also shows us a small window into his heartbreaking relationship with his dying mother. In the latter half of the book, Derfner meets some people struggling to cure themselves of homosexuality, and despite the author’s earlier ability to judge just about everyone, he find the humanity and beauty here in these desperate people.
That’s the thing about stereotypes that Derfner seems to know. There is a tiny seed of it that is based in truth. Yes, part of what makes us gay—at least culturally—are the unimportant things we obsess about, the very things that get us pigeonholed as a “silly fags.” But underneath those labels are deeper truths about more complex and interesting persons; we all know this, but it’s nice to be reminded from time to time.
That’s not to say that Swish is the absolutely best book ever written. Seriously, part of Derfner’s goal here is to be fluffy, harebrained and unimportant. In the most frivolous sense, this side-splitting and self-obsessed book is an absolutely FABULOUS summer read (and I mean that in the gayest way possible)!
December 14, 2009
This book is seriously hilarious. Not just because of the "Oh, I'm so gay listen to some of my gay antics" part (though that is there too, especially in the beginning few chapters of the book, about knitting and cheerleading etc.). But also because, as the book goes on more and more of his insights have, really, nothing to do with his gayness. Ultimately his book shows that even someone who is (by their own admission), a flaming stereotype.. is not JUST that. I mean, obviously. I know this, most people I associate with know this, but not everyone understands that. Being gay is a facet of one's identity, but not THE ENTIRE THING... as Derfner said..
"Yes, being gay is just one of a thousand traits that make up my character, no more remarkable than my love of M&M's or my ability to mess up a room in fifteen seconds flat or my failure to understand the appeal of Luke and Owen Wilson.
But I believe that the desire to love and be loved is the strongest force on earth. And in that way, being gay affects every interaction in which straight people take part. Every human motive is in the end a yearning for companionship, and every act of every person on this planet is an effort not to be alone."
The book has it's share of gantics (gay antics), though, I don't want to make it seem too serious.
Several more things that make this book awesome
1. It is really well written, because Derfner graduated summa cum laude from Harvard with a degree in Linguisitcs
2. He points out the above fact several times. And also expresses nothing but sheer intolerance for fucked up grammar, which is amusing.
3. He hated The Alchemist (Paulo Coehlo's shitty book). Me, too, dude.
Anyway.. OH. I thought it was interesting that apparently in a later publishing of this book they changed the subtitle to "My quest to become to gayest person ever, and what ended up happening instead". (Exucse my lack of cap-locking every word in the title- I'm sure Derfner would hate that, but I'm lazy). This shows more the true end-result of the book.
Also, he goes to a conference for ex-gays, and people trying to un-gay themselves, and what he takes away from it is interesting and shows his true character, which is that he is a good person. I don't know if I could have been so open minded about it, no matter how well intentioned those people are. I'd be like, "ya'll are a bunch of self-hating homosexuals and it makes me sad and angry".
Anyway, by his own words he says "It's a book about being insecure. And everybody's been insecure. I mean, if you haven't been insecure... then I don't really wanna hear about it... and I don't care whether you read my book or not... and I hate you."
Which I got from this video, which is also hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxSDIG...
"Yes, being gay is just one of a thousand traits that make up my character, no more remarkable than my love of M&M's or my ability to mess up a room in fifteen seconds flat or my failure to understand the appeal of Luke and Owen Wilson.
But I believe that the desire to love and be loved is the strongest force on earth. And in that way, being gay affects every interaction in which straight people take part. Every human motive is in the end a yearning for companionship, and every act of every person on this planet is an effort not to be alone."
The book has it's share of gantics (gay antics), though, I don't want to make it seem too serious.
Several more things that make this book awesome
1. It is really well written, because Derfner graduated summa cum laude from Harvard with a degree in Linguisitcs
2. He points out the above fact several times. And also expresses nothing but sheer intolerance for fucked up grammar, which is amusing.
3. He hated The Alchemist (Paulo Coehlo's shitty book). Me, too, dude.
Anyway.. OH. I thought it was interesting that apparently in a later publishing of this book they changed the subtitle to "My quest to become to gayest person ever, and what ended up happening instead". (Exucse my lack of cap-locking every word in the title- I'm sure Derfner would hate that, but I'm lazy). This shows more the true end-result of the book.
Also, he goes to a conference for ex-gays, and people trying to un-gay themselves, and what he takes away from it is interesting and shows his true character, which is that he is a good person. I don't know if I could have been so open minded about it, no matter how well intentioned those people are. I'd be like, "ya'll are a bunch of self-hating homosexuals and it makes me sad and angry".
Anyway, by his own words he says "It's a book about being insecure. And everybody's been insecure. I mean, if you haven't been insecure... then I don't really wanna hear about it... and I don't care whether you read my book or not... and I hate you."
Which I got from this video, which is also hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxSDIG...
June 12, 2016
As we stumble around searching for Truth, the best we can do is to remind one another, when we collide, that there are moments in which we are not alone.
SWISH is Joel Derfner's story of his life, searching for Truth, for himself. It's the most honest account of a human being I've ever read. I can't but being awed at what he is letting us see of himself, and with that making it possible to find pieces of ourselves in it.
Each chapter of this book has a central theme or event of Joel's life, and with each chapter anew, he starts by showing us what the self-centred, shallow, and hateful parts of his persona—all wrapped up in lots of irony and a funny and easy-going writing style, so you don't really mind—and the moment you start to be annoyed by him and realise that he is all that, he sweeps you of your feet and shows you how he is not this person, or how he is so much more.
Joel is so stunningly brave, showing us his imperfections, his humanity, and with this allowing us to share these with him, only to lift us up, in the end, and make it very clear that there is more to him, to us, to the world and people around us.
A main theme in this book is being contempt with oneself, being able to not search for the better self, the better friends, the better job. To simply take one's worth for granted, a task merely impossible. To find peace and quiet and to love oneself, to not resent everyone else who might have it better or who might be better.
Does Joel achieve this? Has he come to the end of this journey? No he hasn't, but he's travelled a long way.
I especially loved how he showed how we easily turn from the one being excluded to the one excluding others, because we are so relieved to finally have found someone to connect with, so relieved that we become oblivious to others.
I love how this book, how Joel is not condemning other people. It's subtle, actually, and you might even come to another conclusions, but for me he is very inclusive. The last chapter, ON EXODUS, comes to mind. It is about ex-gays or gays who don't want to be gay anymore. Reading this, I bet your pulse started to quicken and you became slightly angry or a lot. Joel went to this Christian convention for research, under-cover, and in the beginning he—and I as the reader—resented everything about this, the people, the talks, the message. He's with these people for a whole week and in the end, he feels for them, he even made a friend, he stops condemning. He doesn't share their feelings of brokenness, but he sees them for the humans they are.
I loved this. I'm grateful to have read this.
Joel Derfner's contribution for Queer Romance Month: F**king is Real!.
SWISH is Joel Derfner's story of his life, searching for Truth, for himself. It's the most honest account of a human being I've ever read. I can't but being awed at what he is letting us see of himself, and with that making it possible to find pieces of ourselves in it.
Each chapter of this book has a central theme or event of Joel's life, and with each chapter anew, he starts by showing us what the self-centred, shallow, and hateful parts of his persona—all wrapped up in lots of irony and a funny and easy-going writing style, so you don't really mind—and the moment you start to be annoyed by him and realise that he is all that, he sweeps you of your feet and shows you how he is not this person, or how he is so much more.
Joel is so stunningly brave, showing us his imperfections, his humanity, and with this allowing us to share these with him, only to lift us up, in the end, and make it very clear that there is more to him, to us, to the world and people around us.
A main theme in this book is being contempt with oneself, being able to not search for the better self, the better friends, the better job. To simply take one's worth for granted, a task merely impossible. To find peace and quiet and to love oneself, to not resent everyone else who might have it better or who might be better.
Does Joel achieve this? Has he come to the end of this journey? No he hasn't, but he's travelled a long way.
I especially loved how he showed how we easily turn from the one being excluded to the one excluding others, because we are so relieved to finally have found someone to connect with, so relieved that we become oblivious to others.
I love how this book, how Joel is not condemning other people. It's subtle, actually, and you might even come to another conclusions, but for me he is very inclusive. The last chapter, ON EXODUS, comes to mind. It is about ex-gays or gays who don't want to be gay anymore. Reading this, I bet your pulse started to quicken and you became slightly angry or a lot. Joel went to this Christian convention for research, under-cover, and in the beginning he—and I as the reader—resented everything about this, the people, the talks, the message. He's with these people for a whole week and in the end, he feels for them, he even made a friend, he stops condemning. He doesn't share their feelings of brokenness, but he sees them for the humans they are.
I loved this. I'm grateful to have read this.
Joel Derfner's contribution for Queer Romance Month: F**king is Real!.
August 17, 2008
If I hadn't already trapped a man I think I would totally stalk this guy! This book was sweet, sad, refreshing, hopeful and at times made me extremely uncomfortable. It is crazy to me when I read a book and I think something along the lines of, "This guy gets it. And we have so much in common, most of it not falling under the category of good! I totally want to hang out with him", but when this happens I feel connected and that makes me feel a bit more peaceful. Not a small thing.
July 29, 2008
This one really surprised me. I was looking for light and funny and ended up with a sweet, very introspective well thought out book.
September 25, 2013
This book put me on a bit of a roller coaster. I was definitely rolling my eyes (why did I get on this crappy ride), giggling along with the humor (oohhh, this is better than I thought it would be), and then ready to get off (the ending was just that up-down-up-down to finish it off).
The start of the book was annoying - too much bitchy queen, too much cover-my-insecurity-with-funny(hateful) remarks. The worthwhile part of the book is the middle when the author opens up and comes off with more honesty - insecurities and all. I thoroughly enjoyed the escapades of "On Dating," "On Teaching Aerobics," and "On Musical Theater."
My favorite passage - "All I wanted was somebody who was gorgeous, hysterically funny, a towering genius, a master of sparkling repartee, fabulously wealthy, blond, multilingual (my dream was that he would speak eight languages but I was willing to settle for five, as long as he could punctuate correctly in all of them), and possessed of beautifully shaped teeth. I wouldn't even have to trick him into thinking that I was just as perfect as he was, because simply being with him would wipe out my faults as utterly as if they were the city of Carthage or Jennifer Grey's old nose. Was that so much to ask?"
The start of the book was annoying - too much bitchy queen, too much cover-my-insecurity-with-funny(hateful) remarks. The worthwhile part of the book is the middle when the author opens up and comes off with more honesty - insecurities and all. I thoroughly enjoyed the escapades of "On Dating," "On Teaching Aerobics," and "On Musical Theater."
My favorite passage - "All I wanted was somebody who was gorgeous, hysterically funny, a towering genius, a master of sparkling repartee, fabulously wealthy, blond, multilingual (my dream was that he would speak eight languages but I was willing to settle for five, as long as he could punctuate correctly in all of them), and possessed of beautifully shaped teeth. I wouldn't even have to trick him into thinking that I was just as perfect as he was, because simply being with him would wipe out my faults as utterly as if they were the city of Carthage or Jennifer Grey's old nose. Was that so much to ask?"
January 24, 2009
There was so much I liked about this book. I think Joel Derfner is one of the most endearing, relatable autobiographical writers I've ever read. I loved his blend of humor, neuroticism and insecurity. He's very smart, accomplished, and witty and yet also self-deprecating, and he draws some interesting connections between seemingly seperate aspects of his life.
I chuckled LOTS while reading this, but it's not all fun and games- there's a lot of seriousness, a little self-pity, and even melancholy. There were a few things that bugged me- the occasional descent into sentimentality (the last page of "On Camp Camp" in particular) and his pretentious spelling of "Hallowe'en" several times.
I liked this book, but it's not for everyone. This could maybe go without saying, but it's really not for anybody who is the least bit squeamish about gay sex.
I chuckled LOTS while reading this, but it's not all fun and games- there's a lot of seriousness, a little self-pity, and even melancholy. There were a few things that bugged me- the occasional descent into sentimentality (the last page of "On Camp Camp" in particular) and his pretentious spelling of "Hallowe'en" several times.
I liked this book, but it's not for everyone. This could maybe go without saying, but it's really not for anybody who is the least bit squeamish about gay sex.
November 5, 2009
Homophobes... stay away. Otherwise this book is extremely fun and a very interesting read for someone who is very far away from "the lifestyle". If you like documentaries that look into people's lives that are very different from yours, you're probably the type of person that would enjoy reading this.
March 23, 2009
He's funny, he's smart, he's talented and he's adorable/gorgeous. And he's an incredible writer with a gift for taking his intriguing life and making it seem as interesting on the page. You'll laugh one minute and dissolve into tears the next.
September 29, 2014
Swish
By Joel Derfner
Four stars
This is not a funny book.
Oh, yeah, I laughed. There is much that is amusing in Joel Derfner’s wry memoir about being gay today in America.
But really, this book is heartbreaking. This is a look into a gay man’s soul. Some of what he shows us is not pretty, Some of it is, on the other hand, beautiful.
I spent a third of my time reading this book wanting to take Derfner in my arms to comfort him. Another third was wanting to take him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. And the final third was simply reading his words and thinking, “I’ve felt that. I’ve been there. This is me.”
Joel is eighteen years my junior, which in gay world is really a full generation. What always startles me most about gay memoirs is that the similarities—regardless of different contexts, backgrounds, educations, careers—are all striking. For all its specificity, for all its sometimes painful particularlity to Derfner’s own life, there is a moving universality present that makes it possible for Derfner’s quixotic narrative to be applicable to other lives and other times.
The book is divided up into nine thematic chapters, each of which focuses on a single aspect of the author’s life, and then spirals for a while away from that topic. Ultimately, each theme turns back in on itself and comes to the point, which is both understanding Joel Derfner, and ourselves (I think) through the lens of his life.
With chapter headings as innocuous as “On Knitting” and as potentially contentious as “On Casual Sex,” the real goal is neither to titillate or to amuse, but to draw the reader into Derfner’s vulnerability; to allow us to probe every tender hidden place to help us understand what makes him go.
The final chapter, “On Exodus,” is the most contrived, and yet also the most emotionally intimate in some ways. Derfner takes us to an annual convention of ex-gay believers—some 1000 participants—where he has decided to become an infiltrator, working undercover in an “enemy camp” just to create a tantalizing chapter in his memoir.
What he instead encounters—aside from bizarre rationalizations and bad pseudo-science—is a group of men who are unnervingly like him. Broken, lost, and almost desperate for something like peace and contentment. Near the end of the conference, Derfner writes: “I ask whatever forces there might be in the universe to have mercy on the three of us, and on everybody in the room.” It is a touching moment when, having expected to feel nothing but loathing for Exodus and the ex-gay people he meets, he instead feels both compassion and brotherhood.
My one complaint here would be in Derfner’s own circumscribed world view. He fails to recognize that the Exodus movement represents a very specific subset of the overall Christian world in America today. His understanding of Exodus is tainted by the fact that he can only imagine two possibilities: a world in which God exists, and therefore in which gays are condemned; and a world in which there is no God and therefore one in which gays are free to be happy.
This was a disappointment to me, simply in that I am an active, liberal Christian, and for me there is no conflict at all between being a believer and being gay. One of the great triumphs of the twentieth century, socially speaking, has been the shift of much of mainstream Christianity and Judiaism away from condemnation and into full, loving embrace of gay folk. It is in that context that, for me, the work of Exodus and other organizations like it becomes particularly pernicious. Because Derfner does not consider this option, his analysis of the ex-gay world loses some of its punch.
His compassion, however, does not. In the end, the Joel Derfner I wanted to shake in anger is far outweighed by the Joel Derfner I would want to hold and comfort. His memoir, for all its laugh-lines, is a paean for gay solidarity, because of the joys and sorrows of life that, each of us in our own way, shares with all our gay kin.
By Joel Derfner
Four stars
This is not a funny book.
Oh, yeah, I laughed. There is much that is amusing in Joel Derfner’s wry memoir about being gay today in America.
But really, this book is heartbreaking. This is a look into a gay man’s soul. Some of what he shows us is not pretty, Some of it is, on the other hand, beautiful.
I spent a third of my time reading this book wanting to take Derfner in my arms to comfort him. Another third was wanting to take him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. And the final third was simply reading his words and thinking, “I’ve felt that. I’ve been there. This is me.”
Joel is eighteen years my junior, which in gay world is really a full generation. What always startles me most about gay memoirs is that the similarities—regardless of different contexts, backgrounds, educations, careers—are all striking. For all its specificity, for all its sometimes painful particularlity to Derfner’s own life, there is a moving universality present that makes it possible for Derfner’s quixotic narrative to be applicable to other lives and other times.
The book is divided up into nine thematic chapters, each of which focuses on a single aspect of the author’s life, and then spirals for a while away from that topic. Ultimately, each theme turns back in on itself and comes to the point, which is both understanding Joel Derfner, and ourselves (I think) through the lens of his life.
With chapter headings as innocuous as “On Knitting” and as potentially contentious as “On Casual Sex,” the real goal is neither to titillate or to amuse, but to draw the reader into Derfner’s vulnerability; to allow us to probe every tender hidden place to help us understand what makes him go.
The final chapter, “On Exodus,” is the most contrived, and yet also the most emotionally intimate in some ways. Derfner takes us to an annual convention of ex-gay believers—some 1000 participants—where he has decided to become an infiltrator, working undercover in an “enemy camp” just to create a tantalizing chapter in his memoir.
What he instead encounters—aside from bizarre rationalizations and bad pseudo-science—is a group of men who are unnervingly like him. Broken, lost, and almost desperate for something like peace and contentment. Near the end of the conference, Derfner writes: “I ask whatever forces there might be in the universe to have mercy on the three of us, and on everybody in the room.” It is a touching moment when, having expected to feel nothing but loathing for Exodus and the ex-gay people he meets, he instead feels both compassion and brotherhood.
My one complaint here would be in Derfner’s own circumscribed world view. He fails to recognize that the Exodus movement represents a very specific subset of the overall Christian world in America today. His understanding of Exodus is tainted by the fact that he can only imagine two possibilities: a world in which God exists, and therefore in which gays are condemned; and a world in which there is no God and therefore one in which gays are free to be happy.
This was a disappointment to me, simply in that I am an active, liberal Christian, and for me there is no conflict at all between being a believer and being gay. One of the great triumphs of the twentieth century, socially speaking, has been the shift of much of mainstream Christianity and Judiaism away from condemnation and into full, loving embrace of gay folk. It is in that context that, for me, the work of Exodus and other organizations like it becomes particularly pernicious. Because Derfner does not consider this option, his analysis of the ex-gay world loses some of its punch.
His compassion, however, does not. In the end, the Joel Derfner I wanted to shake in anger is far outweighed by the Joel Derfner I would want to hold and comfort. His memoir, for all its laugh-lines, is a paean for gay solidarity, because of the joys and sorrows of life that, each of us in our own way, shares with all our gay kin.
August 26, 2008
My friend Leslie gave me this over the weekend, and I took it with me to PTown Sunday night... It's gay alright, but also really a well done biography of a person's understanding of who he is and why. He has chapters on Dating and Step Aerobics and Musical Theater and Knitting, but when he is writing about how he likes to knit, he actually gets pretty deep into his relationship with his mother. When he writes about going to adult gay camp, he gets into how it felt to be an adolescent and the lasting impression not only others made on him but those he made on others, good and bad. It's a very honest and brave portrayal of a guy who I think most will be able to relate to in one way or another, and I do recommend this book. At times it's whiney (hence the 4 stars and not 5) but as I type that out I have to admit, if I ever tried to write a book about my life and who I am and why and how I got where I am today, Sylvia Plath would be jealous of the pathos I would emote. GOOD READ - funny and touching... if you're looking for something, give it a try.
March 9, 2010
Sigh. I really wanted to like this book, because I am a lady who appreciates high camp, Ru Paul's Drag Race, Charles Busch films and other super gay pursuits. But this narrator was SO ANNOYING. He is super insecure, and is constantly talking about how he feels like everyone hates him, people think he's ugly, he hates anyone who he feels is smarter or cuter than him, etc. I get that social anxiety is a serious problem, but when I'm reading a book about super gay things, I do not want to read about social anxiety, because it makes me anxious instead of happy. The narrator also thinks he is very, very clever-- he drops that he went to Harvard in almost every chapter-- and uses a lot of extraneous word play that reminds me of myself when I was a 21-year-old aspiring features writer. It's just cutesy. It's not bad writing, per se; it's a bit Diablo Cody, but it's also just precious, and mixed with all the "say I'm cute! OMG a cute guy! I hate him because he's cute! And then I went to bed and ate bon bons for two weeks and never went outside!" it was too much to deal with. Did not like.
December 9, 2008
An enjoyable book written by a gay guy who is so honest it hurts - but in a good way. Derfner is a very likeable guy who anyone would like to have as a friend. He is especially endearing because his attempts to be liked (working as a Go-Go boy and allowing his penis to be fondled, being a professional cheerleader etc.) are very touching. The chapter on him infiltrating the Exodus conference, where gays go to try and turn straight was very illuminating and showed one thing: it is practically impossible to turn someone straight even if one believes one is going 'straight to hell' for being gay (not that I am advocating anyone shouldn't be gay)!
The one downside of this book is that at times one feels like one is trapped inside the mind of a very intelligent neurotic and doesn't want to be led down every minute twist and turn of his OCD mind.
The one downside of this book is that at times one feels like one is trapped inside the mind of a very intelligent neurotic and doesn't want to be led down every minute twist and turn of his OCD mind.
October 7, 2009
I was really surprised by this book. Derfner did a great job weaving seamingly shallow things together with much deeper views on life. He did a great job of setting up a low expectation with the self-deprecating talk in the introduction, making the reader think he was just cranking something out for egotistic reasons, but he is a much better writer than he let on.
Each chapter was an essay focussed around a theme, such as knitting, go-go dancing, and teaching aerobics. It is not a chronology of his life, so some of the same events in one chapter come to play in another chapter, but they are viewed froma different perspective, adding an interesting layer to the events.
I felt a couple of the later chapters were not as well written as the earlier, but I was still riding the high of the earlier part of the work to overlook that.
Each chapter was an essay focussed around a theme, such as knitting, go-go dancing, and teaching aerobics. It is not a chronology of his life, so some of the same events in one chapter come to play in another chapter, but they are viewed froma different perspective, adding an interesting layer to the events.
I felt a couple of the later chapters were not as well written as the earlier, but I was still riding the high of the earlier part of the work to overlook that.
October 7, 2009
Swish is a delightful little romp, advertised as a man's quest to become the gayest person ever, and packaged as such, with chapters on knitting, aerobics instruction, and go-go dancing. But instead of being a shallow, if funny, look into sterotypical homosexuality, it is a much more nuanced memoir, tackling issues like the early death of Derfner's mother and his struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder. That isn't to say it isn't funny, because it is very, very funny. But instead of being a waste of time, if an enjoyable time-waster, it is an intelligent little memoir, packaged as something much less substantial.
August 4, 2008
The title makes this book seem like something that just escaped from the "Humor" shelf but the book itself -- save the final chapter -- is a brutal but always intelligent self-examination of one gay man's life, which -- like all good autobiography -- expands the humanity of all people who read it. In many ways, it's a book I wish I had written, which is something I **rarely** say. The last chapter, though, is about trying to capture an experience versus analyzing an experience in retrospect , which is how the rest of the book (more successfully) operates.
January 5, 2009
I laughed out loud a LOT reading this collection of essays - Joel's very brave to reveal so much about himself and his somewhat seedy and very swishy journey. A lot of the things he put himself through reminded me of Michael Moore's documentary filmmaking style - like, hey, I'm writing a book about trying to be really gay, so I'll join a cheerleading squad, and I'll become a go-go dancer... As I read it, though, cracks in the humor let me see the deep sadness and depression this guy went through at the same time as he was being so funny.
December 20, 2014
This was quite a surprise - the title would suggest a campy, silly tome about one queen's FABULOUS life....and while it IS quite amusing (and unlike the last book I read, REALLY laugh-out-loud funny), it has a fair amount of depth - the final 1/3 of the book covers Derfner's infiltration of Exodus, the infamous 'ex-gay' ministry, and while there is the expected amount of snark, there is also a good amount of compassion and pathos. And his travails with his boyfriend (now husband), Mike, make me want to read his sequel all about their marriage.
December 19, 2008
This book was recommended to me by a friend and I really liked it. I went into reading Swish with thought it would be a purely comical collection of essays. Instead, what I discovered is that Joel Derfner has written a thoughtful book in which I could indentify with. While there were plenty of times I laughed out loud reading Swish, there were times when I found myself relating to Joel and the way he experienced life. I am looking forward to reading more from him in the future.
August 9, 2009
I was pleasantly surprised by this. I thought I was going to read some airplane fluff about some gay guys thoughts on stereotypically shallow gay subjects. Although each piece started out that way, he always went deeper into the subject, sometimes on a personal level and other times on why those subjects are so prevalent in gay society. The chapter on going under cover at an Exodus retreat was especially thought provoking.
July 19, 2008
Incredibly well-written, funny book! Derfner does seem rather shallow at times, but he's also aware of it, and comes from such a self-loathing backround (not specifically about sexuality) that I was able to get past that. Certainly recommended, and here's hoping he has a contract for another book in the works!
December 17, 2009
Unexpectedly fantastic read. Funny where appropriate, but Derfner takes the reader on a sentimental and thoughtful journey. The final chapter on his experience with Exodus is very insightful and gives the reader plenty to think about -- gay or not. Derfner knows how to make himself and his stories relatable, by exposing flaws and vulnerabilities. Highly recommended.
November 3, 2013
This book is so freaking good and absolutely nothing like the fairy princess adventure I expected it to be. I held my hand to my mouth and cried silent, unbreathing tears more than once. I felt a dancing joy at asah and bara. And while I can't be gay, I can love and loathe myself as much as the next guy; as much as Joel Derfner.
September 3, 2008
What a fun book! Written in the style of David Sedaris, this book is equally hysterically funny, and profoundly insightful. His chapter on music composition was particularly thought-provoking. Read this!
October 13, 2009
This book did what I always wanted David Sedaris to do, but he never did. If anyone ever summarized my gender, it is this author: working out, knitting, cheerleading, social anxiet;, it's all there.
March 20, 2010
Very good. The author (although not the gayest person ever) is hilarious and extremely intelligent. Also, he went to graduate school to study musical theatre composition. Awesome!
August 13, 2014
I was slightly confused by the shortened title of the Kindle edition, Swish: A Quest, but after reading Joel Derfner's explanation I think he made the right choice in paring it down. I absolutely love the original title, but it sounds a bit like a joke. In fact when I told my husband what I was reading he laughed hysterically because he thought I was kidding, "No, that's really the title!" I explained, which inspired more laughter.
Anyways, I really enjoyed this book, it's lovely. I thought it struck just the right note between pleasurably humorous froth and probing self examination. Most importantly I *liked* Joel Derfner. As a fellow anxiety and depression sufferer, I was actually pretty impressed at how often he managed to put himself out there socially, in spite of some pretty crippling fear and self doubt. It's also a really honest book, I was able to keep the faith in our author till the end. The last chapter is a hard read, but it really helps humanize those poor tortured people that make the devastating decision to closet themselves and attempt to "pray the gay away." Ugh. I sincerely applaud Joel's ability to survive that atrocious conference with his sanity and humanity intact.
Anyways, I really enjoyed this book, it's lovely. I thought it struck just the right note between pleasurably humorous froth and probing self examination. Most importantly I *liked* Joel Derfner. As a fellow anxiety and depression sufferer, I was actually pretty impressed at how often he managed to put himself out there socially, in spite of some pretty crippling fear and self doubt. It's also a really honest book, I was able to keep the faith in our author till the end. The last chapter is a hard read, but it really helps humanize those poor tortured people that make the devastating decision to closet themselves and attempt to "pray the gay away." Ugh. I sincerely applaud Joel's ability to survive that atrocious conference with his sanity and humanity intact.
May 19, 2008
Though I knew I would have to bow to Joel Derfner's assertion that he himself is the gayest person ever, and that I could not claim that title for myself or risk being labeled a mimetic fraud, I was quickly mollified by his absolutely charming prose and deft wit with words. I about orgasmed when he inserted adroitly my absolute favorite signifier of logophilia: the word "shibboleths." Transcending catty and tawdry avowals of boys past and socks knit, Derfner explores many subjects that seem on the surface to be persiflage, but ultimately guide him to ponder ramifications on a much broader scale (do not mistake me - the claws and snipes exist aplenty, they just serve to offset and perhaps augment the more serious explorations). Arrested may be my claim to be the gayest person ever, but Swish gave me the satisfaction of being gay enough and absolutely jealous that my knitting metier eludes me still.
June 20, 2008
Derfner has a very strong writing voice, and is extremely witty and unapologetic about being an intellectual (albeit one who is a qualified step-aerobics instructor); all of these facts are to be commended. The first chapters of the book did occasionally rely a bit too much on using the phrase "no one loves me" or some such variation. Additionally, there are sections taken directly from his blog, but hey, we live in a greener age (supposedly) so literary recycling can't be all that bad. There are also numerous examinations about the author's past.
The last chapter, in which the author attends an ex-gay conference, is a revelation. Derfner comes out of himself, and in doing so he hits on something that is quite wonderful: his observations about humanity and his reactions. Hopefully, his next book will move away from the, at time, self-conscious wit that peppered the first part of the book and focus more on examinations of this nature.
The last chapter, in which the author attends an ex-gay conference, is a revelation. Derfner comes out of himself, and in doing so he hits on something that is quite wonderful: his observations about humanity and his reactions. Hopefully, his next book will move away from the, at time, self-conscious wit that peppered the first part of the book and focus more on examinations of this nature.
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