Poems of Puncture

by Amanda McKittrick Ros

Amanda McKittrick Ros was an Irish writer who had an excessively high opinion of her worth and value to literature. She became famous as a writer so astonishingly bad that her work became considered very good. Many literary figures have admired and enjoyed her work.

Poems of Puncture, the first book of poetry by Amanda McKittrick Ros, universally considered to be the best worst writer in the history of the English language, is here presented in its glorious entirety.

Poems of Puncture contains many piercing verses spanning a broad range of themes, each clearly held great emotional importance to Amanda McKittrick Ros: a spa, her dog, her most beloved tree, and many poems devoted to people she didn't like, including "Largebones - The Lawyer" :

Beneath me hear in stinking clumps,

Lies Lawyer Largebones all in lumps ;

A rotten mass of clockholed clay,

Which grows more honeycombed each day.

See how the rats have scratched his face ?

Now so unlike the human race ;

I very much regret I can’t

Assist them in their eager “bent.”

Poems of Puncture also contains loving sentiments and eulogizes fond memories of the past:

The chestnut tree in the garden
Where first I breathed the air
Still waves it pyramids of bloom
On nature bright and fare.
It aye stands tall and stately
Though fifty years or more
Have fled along since I was born
Beside its leafy shore.

from THE OLD CHESTNUT

Like all of Amanda's books Poems of Puncture was self published and very few copies were sold into circulation, meaning that until now Poems of Puncture has been extremely scarce and very expensive.

However, The Amanda McKittrick Ros Society has painstakingly and faithfully reproduced Poems of Puncture (with a new cover depicting the possible nature of Amanda's inspiration) in both softcover and ebook formats, meaning you can now inexpensively add this timeless tome to your collection and enjoy this finely crafted book of ridiculous poetry by yourself and with those you treasure the most.

Genres: Poetry

77 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1911

About the author

Anna Margaret Ross (née McKittrick), known by her pen-name Amanda McKittrick Ros, was a Northern Irish writer. She published her first novel Irene Iddesleigh at her own expense in 1897. She wrote poetry and a number of novels. Her works were not read widely, and her eccentric, over-written, "purple" circumlocutory writing style is alleged by some critics to be some of the worst prose and poetry ever written.

(from Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Rachel]

I just can't give a star rating for this book.
Yes, the poems are bad - but that's why I'm reading them. Its like watching the kind of movies featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000; I'm still enjoying the movies, just not necessarily in the way the artists intended.
This book is short, but I think I counted at least seven poems about lawyers. I wish I knew more about Ros because its pretty clear from these poems that she loathed lawyers.
Actually, she doesn't seem to have been too keen on writing poems about anyone she liked. Except for her dog. "Rover" is a poem of eleven stanzas, each of which starts with "Rover is a pretty dog".

Here are a few examples of poem titles:
"Mickey Monkeyface McBlear"
"The Ugliest Brute in Britain"
"Rev. Goliath Ginbottle"

And some choice excepts of poetry:

From "The Town of Tare":
"Degraded indeed would the scoundrel be,
Who'd molest these "tooters" of Calvary!"

From "A Limb of Law":
"For never will a lawbum roost on
Heaven's rung
To dirty on the saint below - Ding -
Dong - Dung!"

I recommend you read only a poem or two at a time to truly savor Ros' amazing poetry.