Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding

by Todd Friel

Raising a prodigal is every Christian parent's worst nightmare. Horrifyingly, George Barna contends that over 60 percent of Christian kids will run off to university and "lose their faith." Some pollsters believe the number is as high as 80 percent.

But there is great news! Your child doesn't have to become a statistic. Your child can become an adult who loves the Lord the same way you do but this will likely require a radical parenting reset on your part.

Todd Friel has witnessed to hundreds of university students, most of whom are Bible-belt backsliders. Reset for Parents gets to the heart of the issue and presents a solid, biblical roadmap for parents to avoid the pain and heartache of raising a prodigal.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Family, Christianity, Christian Living

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 26, 2017

About the author

Todd Friel is an American radio and television host, Christian author, and evangelist.

Friel is the host of Wretched with Todd Friel, a talk radio and television show, broadcast on FamilyNet. Wretched Radio is a daily show broadcast on Sirius Satellite Radio. It was created as a replacement for The Way of the Master Radio, which was also hosted by Friel. In addition to broadcasting, Friel has spoken at churches, festivals, seminars, and youth groups throughout the United States. Friel hosted Talk the Walk on KTIS, then it moved to KKMS in 2001.

Reviews

[Eric M · Rating 5 out of 5]

So what is the point of parenting if we can’t get our kids saved? While it is true that you can do nothing to get your child saved, you can do everything to be faithful to raise your children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. That’s it; your assignment is faithfulness, not conversion. You are not responsible for the state of your child’s soul; but you are responsible to love, model, nurture, instruct, and disciple your child. You can either work with or against God in accomplishing that task. There is nothing you can do to save your child, but there is everything you can do to make sure that you faithfully lead your child to the Lord. You can either be an obedient, God-glorifying parent, or you can continue sinning. But you don’t get to play the role of Savior; that job is taken. Your job is to live, teach, and model the Gospel of Jesus Christ to your children, not make them have faith in Jesus Christ. Your parental job description is that simple and yet that complex. Knowing that salvation is of the Lord, there are some things we should keep in mind as we pray for our child’s conversion.

[Jonathan Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!!! Highest recommendation. Will revolutionize your life and more importantly your parenting!!! Go get this book!!

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book ended up being a bit different than what I had expected going in. I assumed it would give me insight and 'how-to' as a parent. However, it ended up ministering to me, individually much more than giving me parenting advice. Mr. Friel does an excellent job of communicating the Gospel, powerfully. It was sort of a recalibrating experience for me. I really appreciated being immersed in the Gospel.

The author's main idea is that all of your reasoning as a parent, in regards to discipline, be rooted in Biblical truth. The objective is to bring everything back to the Scriptures. As a parent of almost adult kids, I appreciated the second half of the book which deals more specifically with allowing freedoms, apologetics, etc.

[Reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Push through the first half to find the gems in the second half

The premise of this book is excellent: the main goal of parents is to know and live out the gospel themselves so that they can point their kids to the gospel. He says: “While it is true that you can do nothing to get your child saved, you can do everything to be faithful to raise your children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. That’s it; your assignment is faithfulness, not conversion” (P. 176). It takes the author about the first half of the book to settle into a consistent and focused writing style. I had a very hard time sticking with the wordy examples given and then the constant alternating between an informal writing style and explaining serious theology. However, once he gets his rhythm in the second half I was encouraged to find some gems: 1) addressing some Christian “catch phrases” that have been adopted throughout the last 40+ years in exchange for biblical terminology. Too many of us have adopted this false phraseology leading to vast numbers of false professions. 2) The explanation of the main storyline of the Bible and how to present that to our children. 3) The encouragement to teach our kids the Protestant history of the Christian faith. One serious suggestion I have is for an updated version of chapter 5 to include the critical elements of the gospel that are missing: the burial of Christ and His resurrection from the grave. As the author pointedly emphasizes sharing the correct gospel with our children, it is greatly disappointing that he omits what Paul includes as two thirds of the gospel (1 Cor. 15:3-4). The majority of this book is generally geared to parents of middle school age and older. There are some tips for the elementary ages. Overall, even though I had a rocky start in reading this book and sticking with it, I am thankful I pushed through for the gems in the second half that I have not seen addressed anywhere else.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, Reset for Parents is a book worth reading and owning but I wouldn’t just recommend it to anyone without a few caveats. The author’s writing style came across as a bit extreme and could even feel condescending to some readers. God’s grace and redemptive power are bigger than if I do everything perfectly as a parent and this book didn’t always communicate that. My husband and I mentor and disciple many single moms who have come to know Christ after a life in addiction. Several of those moms, while eagerly trying to follow Christ, are already so hard on themselves for daily messing up how they parent their kids. I would be hesitant to give them this book if they were newer to their faith, even though the content is needed.

However… I would give this book to someone who won’t get offended easily and is confident in the power of God’s grace in how they interact with their kids. It is loaded with truths about God’s Word and how to bring the gospel into parenting. I appreciated the author’s several examples of parenting scenarios and how to talk to my child. He reminds us of things to do or not to do that will directly impact how our kids view God and the gospel. Even though the author sometimes seems intense in his approach, I appreciate that he takes the salvation of my kids seriously. He doesn’t water down what he tries to communicate, and he urges us as parents to change the way we do things if the gospel is not evident in our parenting.

I am a very visual learner, so I thoroughly enjoyed the format of this book. There are subtitles, bullet points, and numbered lists throughout the book that make it easy to read and navigate. I own this book, and I plan to read it again because there is so much meat worth exploring. I would recommend this book to the intentional parent who is passionate about discipling their kids, and who isn’t afraid to possibly get their toes stepped on.

[Tanya · Rating 1 out of 5]

Is this what Christianity is? Now that I think about it, I've mostly only read and learnt about it from a liberal point of view. I've known about Christians before, like the Southern ones who are always making headlines, but never really taken a moment to think about how insanely extreme their views are. This is a book meant for parents to teach to their children. Children! There are countless lines in this book that justify pushing this stuff onto kids because "it's preventing them from burning eternally in hell". Like lines that mention kids drowning and experiencing never ending torture. How could anyone possibly think that's okay to write? Why not let your kids think for themselves? Set them on the right path, but let them figure things out on their own? It's so crazy how these are the same people who think gays and liberals are trying to indoctrinate their kids but putting out stuff like this. Also, this book is so clearly anti-university for some reason. All that's showing me is that the author or parents don't want kids getting an education and learning to peek through the holes of their beliefs. There's very little care for the actual children in this book, it seems the only goal for the parent is to prevent their child from ending up in hell. If the answers aren't found in the bible then there are none and if you disagree with the bible, well, we won't go there.

I also love the section on post-modernism:
"Postmodernism is wrong because God says it’s wrong.”
Next time someone brings up a valid point I’ll just use that. Is God real? Yes, because God said so.

[Kathleen Calabrese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reset for Parents by Todd Friel is a practical and thought-provoking guide for Christian parents seeking to align their parenting with biblical principles in today’s increasingly secular world. Friel offers a refreshingly direct and honest approach to raising children, with an emphasis on putting God’s Word at the center of family life. Rooted in Scripture, the book provides clear, actionable guidance for parents on how to raise children in a way that honors God.
Friel’s advice is full of practical strategies, tips, and principles that can be easily applied to daily routines. From managing challenging behavior to fostering a Christ-centered home and navigating the complexities of the digital age, he offers simple and straightforward solutions. His writing is not only relatable but often humorous, making it easy for parents to connect with his message. He candidly addresses the struggles parents face, acknowledging the difficulties of raising children in today's culture. This openness creates a sense of understanding and support, helping readers feel less alone in their parenting journey.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really debated long and hard over what rating to give this book. On the one hand, it is written in exactly the style I would write a non fiction book, it doesn’t hold back , he lays it all on the table and doesn’t concern himself with how your toes feel, so that appealed to me. So as I endured the gut punches, I was challenged to more closely examine my parenting and focus on some areas that need work. On the other hand , there were so many times that I was reading and I would hit upon a doctrinal issue that would make me hear the record scratch in my mind. He thinks baptism is legalism and is all about once saved always saved, but then goes on to talk about the prodigal son which directly opposes the notion of once saved always saved among other things that seemed contradictory. Long story short, I got a lot out of this book and addd several quotes to my commonplace book from it, but I will actually throw it away so someone else doesn’t get exposed to the dangerous false teachings that are contained.

[Ashley Blankenship · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author and I starkly disagree on many theological points and he is actually quite condescending and sarcastic in his approach with some of these theological issues. The content was very good when you took out some of these theological problems. We spent 18 chapters being told how to prevent our kids from backsliding and being a statistic, only to be (sarcastically) told in the 19th chapter... never mind! It’s not possible to backslide! Obviously, the author is very Calvinistic and sarcastically so. I had to eat the meat and spit out the nasty bones.

[Homeschool mom Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a book where the content is the title. It sets a bit of a reset in how we parent. We need to be intentional with parenting and dicipling our children.
An eye opener for me was the chapter about ancestry. It was not about who are family is but who the family of God is, and those who have stood for God over the years. It shook me as how was I to teach something I didn't know.
I not only recommend this book but I got another copy as I had loaned my original copy out and the family kept it!

[Fred Birchmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good rundown for parents

It’s a good guide book for how to raise your children. The book was written with typical Todd Friel humor and it reads as if he’s talking to you. The title is a bit loose because Todd reveals that you can’t actually prevent your children from backsliding because that is in the hands of God. For all practical purposes that’s a technicality and I can’t think of a better title.

[SB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reset for Parents is a very helpful and convicting book that challenges parents to intentionally disciple their children. Chapter 20 contains a helpful compilation of all the questions found throughout the book. The appendix includes “Submit to Me vs. Submit to God Scenarios,” which are very helpful. One of my favorite questions posed by the author, Todd Friel, is “Now that you have been reminded how far short you have fallen, what should you do? That’s right! Run to Jesus and then press on.”

[Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great resource for parents and all who work with children

Written in a winsome and entertaining manner, this is not a "how to book" rather it is one that lays out the big theological principles of parenting and Christian discipleship. The book is just as helpful in the way it explains the gospel as it is in exhorting parents to rethink their parenting with a biblical lens.

[Rachael Hubbard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book focuses primarily on the behavior of the parents which I quiet enjoyed. Kids learn so much from how a parent behaves and most books I find about parenting are how to get your kids to obey you. It's mixed with some typical Friel humor he uses it creatively to make a point that you remember after the book Is done. I borrowed this book, but will be buying it. Very well done.

[Michelle Glover · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent. Every parent should read it. The more we read the more convicted did we feel in specifically the how and why of discipline in our family. We needed to implement a lot more discipling than we were! We started implementing some of the suggestions and feel the results will bear fruit long past the time our kids left home!

[Jeff Sabean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read for all parents

This book is invaluable for learning the difference between raising children who obey out of fear and children who obey because they want to do what is right.

[Ann Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

More dogmatic and didactic than encouraging. Lots of lists that can seem tiresome after awhile, especially when one tries all the right things and still the children make choices which are not those of their parents.

[JENNIFER MEAD · Rating 5 out of 5]

A guide for parents how to teach, train and discipline their children with discipling. We as parents need to reset our hearts and minds on the Lord and show that to our children in order to help them grow their love for God and their personal relationship with him.

[Crystal Costabile · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book that helps put the Gospel at the center of your parenting. However, beware it might step on your toes along the way. It is eye-opening as to changes Christian parents may need to make. I highly recommend it.

[Dr. David Steele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pithy, engaging, and gospel-centered.

[Jack Wilkie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of Calvinism, but an interesting, Gospel-based approach to parenting.

[David Pulliam · Rating 3 out of 5]

First part was good but it went downhill after that.

[Kirstin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the content of this book, but was distracted by the many typos and grammatical errors. Shame on the editor of this book.

[Jennie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for every parent!

[Charity · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Gospel Reset book is a great reminder of how the Gospel should impact our parenting so that we are discipling our children towards salvation and a living relationship with Christ

[Todd Bryant · Rating 3 out of 5]

I cannot say strongly enough how well this book begins. I wish I had read the first several chapters 25 years ago. The points about discipling your children rather than disciplining them - and instructing with a Gospel-centered approach is something that every parent should read.

That said, the more I read, the more tedious this book became - at least at times. Of the 20 chapters, I'd say 12-13 are worth reading. The others seem to be there for no other reason than to fill space. Also, I was under the assumption that Todd Friel was strongly Calvinistic. I assumed this because of the people he associates with. However, there are several statements and a few sections that are quite Arminian sounding. "God wants to save your kids"..."Christ died for your children's sins"...these are not statements that can be made with absolute certainty. Also, one section adamantly defends the age of accountability - not as an opinion or possibility, but as absolute fact. That simply cannot be done from Scripture. And though some of those things are debated by theologians, in one place Jeroboam is referred to as Solomon's son, which is just Biblically incorrect. I'm not sure how at least a proofreader didn't catch that.

Now, if you recognize the above paragraph going in, this book will benefit you as a parent. I'm glad I read it and I would recommend it to other parents. But, I would offer a word of caution before the book passed from my hand to theirs.